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Brian had instantly dropped to his knees and put an arm around Nick, then looked up to the officer and nodded his head in agreeing it was indeed Stacie.

"No it's not her!" Nick yelled, he wiped his mouth with his shirt and tried to stand but his knees wouldn't allow him. Brian caught his devastated friend and held him in his arms.

"I'm so sorry Nick," Brian whispered not knowing what to say. "Can we get him back home please?" Brian asked an officer and tried to pull Nick up to his feet.

"I'll take you back," the female officer offered and helped Brian get Nick up.

"It looks like it was a suicide," another officer came over and told the one that was helping Nick up. "There's a note on the board."

The female officer only nodded her head and they each put one of Nick's arms around their neck's and dragged him to the car. Nick stared out the window and Brian was shocked to see that Nick hadn't shed a single tear. Brian himself had as soon as he saw who it was and continuously brushed them away so he could be strong for Nick.

When they arrived back to Nick's house, Brian and the officer had to drag Nick in. He hadn't spoken a word, let out a tear or shown any emotion on his face.

"I'll be in touch Mr. Carter, again, I am very sorry for your loss," the female officer said sympathetically and eventually the house was empty besides Payton, Brian and Nick.

"Brian what's wrong with Nick?" Payton asked walking into the living room. Brian had managed to get Nick to a couch and sit down.

"Payton, I don't know how to say this to you since you're her best friend but," Brian was cut off.

"You pretty much just did, what's wrong? They found her, is she okay?" Tears began to fill Payton's eyes.

"I'm sorry, but she's dead. They found her body on the beach this morning." The tears spilled out and she brought a hand up to her mouth and then took a seat next to Nick. She wrapped her arms around his neck but Nick pushed her away and stood up.

"I should call her parents, Payton I need her parent's number. I never got to meet them and for the first time I'm going to have to talk to them about their daughters death."

"Nick, why don't you let the police do that. You just lost your girlfriend, you need to take care of yourself right now." Brian had a hand on Nick's shoulder.

"I don't know how she could've drowned, she shouldn't have been in the water. She wouldn't have lied to me about going to work and to Payton's."

"Nick, look at me," Brian tried to get Nick to stop moving around.

"Suicide though? She wouldn't kill herself,she gave me her heart the other night in the chest and we declared our love in so many different ways. She was happy."

"They say people get really happy just before they're going to kill themselves because they know it's over. Nick she was an unstable person." Payton tried explaining.

"NO DAMMIT, she did NOT kill herself!" Nick yelled out and the room began to spin beneath his feet and he fell to the ground. Brian did his best to catch his frend but wasn't too successful.

"Nick? Nick wake up," he slapped Nick's face lightly. "Payton get me a cold washcloth. I think he's in shock." She went into the kitchen and a minute later came out with the wash cloth. Brian put it on Nick's forehead and propped Nick's head up with a pillow that was on the couch. Brian looked over to Payton who was stroking Nick's hand and couldn't help but notice how fast the tears had stopped. He knew Nick was purely in shock over it all but she cried for about thirty seconds and was then done? Hell, Brian couldn't keep back his own tears still.

Nick moaned a little and moved his head side to side. He looked up to Brian who was sitting over him and then at Payton. "You're alright Nick, you just fainted. How are you feeling right now?"

Right now? How did he feel at that moment? Numb. "Brian is she really?" Nick asked in a voice that reminded Brian of a time when they first started touring and Nick was fourteen. He had been home sick and was afraid to admit that he was. But Brian had taken him in as a brother and the two became inseparable.

Brian couldn't do a thing, he looked into Nick's lost eyes and only nodded. It wasn't a bad dream, Stacie was really gone and there was nothing to bring her back. Nick rolled over on his side, his face buried into Brian's knees and he began to cry. At first the tears were quiet and then turned into loud sobs of pain and anger.

"Get it out Nicky, I'm right here." Brian did his best to console his friend.
~*~*~
"How is he doing?" Leigh asked Brian who had walked into the living room.

"Not great, he cried himself to sleep in the guest room," Brian took a seat next to his wife.

"I can't believe she's gone, just like that," Leigh put her arms around Brian.

"He was going to propose to her last night."

"What?" Leigh pulled away a little.

"He bought the ring yesterday, we spent two hours looking for the perfect ring."

"I feel horrible for him, her family. Are they coming down?"

"Nick called them before we came here. He wanted to be the one to tell them and they'll be here tomorrow some time. There's an autopsy being done."

"I thought you said it was suicide?"

"They want to rule out everything. There was a cut on the side of her stomach that they're not sure how it got there. Did you hear about the gift she gave Nick the other night?"

"No, what was it?" Leigh asked rubbing her husband's back, trying to sooth him because she knew he was getting upset. Brian then went on and told her about the treasure chest, the charms and letter.

"And that did it for Nick and he became more determined than ever to marry her. I just don't get it, she had told him she completely had moved on from her fiance; but the suicide note was saying how she couldn't be away from him."

"She DIDN'T kill herself!" Nick said as he came around the corner.

"Nick, I thought you were sleeping?" Brian asked and Leigh had stood up and went to Nick, wrapping her arms around him.

"I keep seeing her body laying on the beach," Nick pulled away from Leigh and sat in a chair.

"Are you hungry honey? I can fix you something to eat." Leigh offered and Nick shook his head no.

"You haven't eaten all day bud," Brian told Nick.

"I'm not hungry!" He stood up and walked to the door. "I'm going for a walk." He opened the door and walked out.

"He's going to need some time and space Brian. I'm just glad he agreed to come stay with us."

"I know, I know."

~*~*~*~*~*~
The next morning Brian woke up to Nick moving around his house. Nick had showered and was dressed in nice clothes.

"Good morning," Brian said pouring a cup of coffee.

"Hey can I borrow your car since I don't have mine? I need to meet Stacie's parent's to make arrangements, I'll probably be gone all day."

"Sure, keys are on that hook right there," Brin pointed by the door and Nick took the keys off of it. "You want me to go with you Nick?"

"Nah, I'll see ya later," Nick went out the door, leaving Brian worried. Nick got into Brian's Beamer and opened the window's, welcoming the cool morning breeze. It was just eight am and he was meeting Stacie's parent's at a funeral home. He was nervous and felt almost guilty, as though he blamed himself for Stacie's death. It was a fairly short drive, just thirty minutes and when he reached there he sat in the care a minute to make sure he was composed. He looked into the review mirror and noticed the dark circles under his eyes. He didn't sleep at all the night she was missing and she sure as hell didn't get any sleep the night before.

"Good as you're going to get Carter," Nick told himself and pulled himself from the car. Slowly he walked up to the white house-like building and walked in. There was a couple in there fifty's that stood in the waiting room. He remembered seeing pictures of them in Stacie's house and walked up to them. "Mr. and Mrs. Steven's?" Nick asked.

"Nick?" The father spoke up first.

"Yes," he held his hand out and shook Stacie's father's hand and then looked at her mother. Stacie had her mom's eyes and petite nose. "Mrs. Steven's," she took her hand and covered it with his left hand. "I am so sorry. If there were something I could've done, I would have. I loved your daughter very much."

"We know Nick and she loved you. She called us every day just full of energy and ranting about you. Its nice to finally meet you." Mrs. Steven's told Nick.

"I wish to God it weren't under these circumstances," Nick said apologetically.

"Hi, my name is Richard Jone's and I'm going to be in charge and helping you with everything you need for a beautiful and memorable service for your daughter," a man wearing a suit came up to Nick and the Steven's. "Please follow me," he guided everyone to a small room with leather chairs and a deep cherry wood table.

"I first would like to let you know, I want to take care of all the costs." Nick turned in his chair and faced Stacie's parents.

"Nick that's not necessary but very generous."

"Please, I had planned to ask your daughter for her hand in marriage the other night, bought a ring and everything and if I can't have the wedding, I want to help out with this." At that moment Mrs. Steven's eyes began to water and she brought up a tissue she had been holding in her hand, to her eyes.

"Well, thank you Nick." Mr. Steven's nodded his head to Nick.

"Alright, well first have you decided if you would like your daughter cremated or buried?" Richard opened a leather book and held a pen in his hand.

"I would think she would want to be next to Ryan, I mean that's the reason why she took her life." The words from Mrs. Steven's mouth stung Nick. Especially since he was certain Stacie did not take her own life.

"We should maybe wait on that until we get the results from the autopsy?" Mr. Steven's said and Nick was secretively thankful.

"That's fine, we can come back to it later or tomorrow. How about the memorial service, did you want to have it soon or wait?"

The meeting for funeral arrangements went on for another hour. Nick did his best to try to stay along with everything but his mind tended to wonder. He knew exactly what kind of funeral she would want but didn't feel as though he had the right to speak up. It looked as though Mr. Steven's could see right through Nick however and then spoke up at the end.

"Nick we put in our ideas and of course we never dreamed of having to do this, we always figured she would be putting us into the ground years from. You two were obviously very close, what do you think Anastasia would have wanted?"

"I think everything you have mentioned Sir sounds beautiful but Stacie should be where she spend the most of her time. The ocean. It not only may have taken her life but it gave her so much life and spirit. I think, I know she would've wanted to have a beach or water front wedding and I'm pretty sure she would want everyone to remember her surrounded in her natural surroundings. Perhaps we can do a memorial service right on the beach and if you choose to have her creammated then we could let her be free over the ocean." Mr. Steven's smiled with tears in his eyes and nodded his head.

"I don't think she would have it any other way, what do you say Ruth?" Mr. Steven's asked his wife.

"Sounds like Stacie."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The next day Nick was playing basketball with Bailey outside and Brian was inside with A.J. and Howie who had stopped over to see Nick.

"He hasn't slept in three days and all I was able to get him to eat was a piece of toast this morning," Brian told the guys looking out the window at his son and Nick.

"Maybe we should see if we can get hime to talk to someone if he wont talk to us," Howie suggested.

"It's too soon. The girl of his dreams just died two days ago. You said he went and met her parent's yesterday to set up arrangements?" Alex asked.

"Yeah, the service is going to be this Saturday at the beach behind Nick's place. His idea."

"This is so surreal," Alex shook his head and then Bailey came into the house.

"Bailey buns, how's it going?" Alex asked picking up the child.

"Uncle Nicky made me come in."

"Why's that?" Brian asked.

"He's on the phone and was getting angry at someone." Bailey told the guys.

"Why don't you go play with your video game and then we'll come play with you in a minute. We're going to go make sure Uncle Nick is alright," Brian explained to his son.

"Okay Daddy," Bailey bounded off to his play room area.

Howie, Alex and Brian went outside to see who Nick might have been talking to on the phone.

"I knew it but it's your job to find out who now! Do NOT call me back until you find the bastard!" Nick closed his phone and then kicked the basketball that lay on the ground across the yard.

"That's not a soccer ball," Brian tried to joke a litle.

"Nick who was on the phone?" Howie asked.

"One of the dectives on the case. The autopsy came in."

"Nick?" Brian went up to Nick closer and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Her system had about an entire bottle of her medication in it. They found-" Nick took in a deep breath and let it out trying to compose himself. "They found the back of her head had been hit with something and that she had a concussion during the time she was in the water. The cut that was on her stomach-" Nick's mind flashed back to the day on the beach they found her body. Her face was blue, her eyes were staring at Nick wide open, almost a cloudy color and the cut that was fairly deep on her right side of her abdominal. Nick's face began to pale a little, and his head began to spin.

"Nick do you need to sit?" Brian asked with concern.

"I'm fine. But the cut was from a freaking steak knife. The writing on the surf board was from someone who is right handed, Stacie was a lefty."

"So she didn't kill herself?" Alex asked.

"They haven't totally ruled it out..."Nick's voice trailed off again and his breathing started to quicken.

"Nick you alright?" Brian asked and watched as Nick sat down on the chair.

"I need to sit," he said still breathing hard. Brian looked over to Howie and then Alex.

"Uh, Nick, you are sitting." Alex pointed out the obvious as Nick then slid off the chair and onto his knees to the ground. Brian dropped to his own knees and Nick reached up to Brian's shoulders to balance himself.

"I feel like I'm spinning," Nick's head dropped down and Brian tried to get to sit up against the chair he had slid off of.

"I think you're having an anxiety attack, put your knees in between your knees," Brian said southerly keeping a hand on Nick's shoulder. Nick at that moment want to run up to his room, okay Brian's guest room and get away from the guys. He hadn't them seeing him so vulnerable and weak. However, he was pretty sure his legs wouldn't hold him up at that moment.

Nick's phone then rang again and Brian took it out of his hand to look at it.

"Nick it's Payton, do you want me to talk to her?" He asked.

"No I will," Nick took his phone back and answered it. "Hello?"

"Hey Nick, I stopped by your place but you weren't there." She said into the phone.

"I'm at Brian's for a while."

"How are you doing? I talked to Stacie's parent's just a little bit ago and they told me about the autopsy."

"Yeah and it obviously wasn't an accident. When they catch this son-of-a-bitch I'm going to kill them with my own hands." Nick said so calmly it scared Brian and the guys to hear him say something like that.

"Nick Stacie wasn't as stable as you or I or anyone else would like to think. She could've taken those pills and the cut could've been from some coral or rocks."

"Well, if you weren't so selfish about yourself maybe you would have been around to notice just happy she was with life." There was a pause of silence and then Nick spoke up. "Payton I'm sorry I just-" Then there was a dial tone. Nick closed his phone and put his face into his hands. "I'm going to go lay down," Nick struggled to get to his feet and Brian helped him. "I'm fine," he pulled away sharply and then went down to his room.

"Should we call his sisters?" Alex asked.

"Not yet, let's get through the next week and funeral." Brian told them, frustrated knowing he couldn't do a single thing to make Nick feel better.
~*~*~*~
It was the day of the memorial service and everyone in the Littrell house was up early, showering and getting dressed. Bailey watched cartoons with Nick as his parents finished getting ready.

"Mommy says we're going to the beach today. Why do I have to wear this tie if I'm going to the beach Uncle Nicky?"

"You don't have to wear a tie," Nick reached over and took the tie off bailey. Nick himself was just wearing a pair of dress pants and a black button up.

"Alright you ready?" Brian asked walking into the room with Leigh Ann. Nick stood up and walked outside to get into the car. The four of them got into the vehicle and drove to Nick's where the memorial service was being held. The service was private and only close friends and family were invited. The forty-five ride there was silent, besides Bailey making airplane noises with his toy model.

Once they arrived Nick stood outside of his home looking at it. He hadn't stepped in since the day Stacie's body was found. Brian had gone with Leigh to pick up Nick's clothes and necessities to get by for the next couple of weeks. With the Steven's family, Nick had set up a caterer for after the service to be held in his home so that Stacie's family wouldn't have to worry about a thing.

"Let's just go down to the beach," Brian had a hand on Nick's shoulder. The sun was warm, there was little breeze and the ocean was fairly calm. There was a podium and chairs set up down the beach and there were already a group of people there. Payton was talking to Mr. Steven's and Mrs. Steven's was talking to a Priest. Nick walked up Payton and put a hand on her arm.

"Payton, I'm sorry for the other night. I've just been-"

"I know, I'm sorry too," she pulled Nick in for a hug.

"Are you going to speaking today?" Nick asked looking out to the ocean.

"Yeah, she was my best friend and I never got to say good-bye properly." Nick nodded his head and then turned his attention to Mr. Steven's.

"Good to see you again Sir," Nick shook his hand.

"Everything looks great, thanks again for all of this Nick."

"We're about to get started," Mrs. Steven's came over and Nick pulled her in for a hug.

"She's looking over us today," Nick told her.

"I know, I can feel her Nick. She was very lucky to have met you." She smiled and they went to take their seat. The Priest went up and talked for a brief period of time, followed by an aunt of Stacie's Nick never got the chance to meet. It was then Payton's turn.

"So, Stacie was always better at speaking in front of people than I. In fact she was pretty much better at everything and I always was 'the best friend.' I loved being her best friend," Payton took a moment and looked at Nick. "When she wasn't doing what she loved best, surfing, she was being a best friend, saving a life or making a total stranger smile. Stacie had her ups and downs just as any person does but she always bounced back and always stronger. She never let anything keep her down for too long and was always looking at the bright side of things. Not only was she a bet friend to me...Stacie was...excuse me," Payton looked up to the sky and wiped the tears from her eyes. "She was a sister. Always will she be in my heart. God rest your soul Stace. Don't cause too much mischief up there." Payton then stepped down.

"Thank you Payton, we have one final speaker today. Nick Carter, please step up." The priest said into the microphone. Nick took in a deep breath, looked over to Brian and Brian nodded his head.

Stepping up the podium, Nick put his hands on the wooden box and looked over the the blown up picture of Stacie and the urn that sat below it. "Most of you don't know me because I wasn't given the pleasure or time to get to know you yet. My name is Nick and I was and am madly in love with Anastasia. In fact," Nick pulled out a velvet box from his shirt. "I was going to ask her to marry me the night she went missing." Nick opened up the box and place it by the urn. "I'm sure I would've made a fool of myself proposing and I'm sure Stacie would have told me I was making a fool of myself. That's the kind of person she was, honest. Like Payton mentioned, when she wasn't surfing she was saving someone, that's how in fact we met. She had been surfing, just over by that jetty of rocks over there," Nick pointed off to the distance, when I had been running and fell into a hole, spraining my ankle. Without thinking twice, she took me to the hospital and then had me take her out for chocolate chip pancakes for lunch. I swear she could eat those breakfast, lunch and dinner." There was a brief moment of laughter in front of Nick and he smiled. "But, as good of a person she was, she was a pain in the butt and it was her way or the high way. She was just that confident in the person she was and was becoming. I will forever cherish the moments spent with Stacie and keep her dear and close to me. May you continue to reach for your dreams in another life and always be with the waves. I love you Anastasia," Nick looked back over to the urn and then walked back down to his seat.
~*~*~*~*~*~
At the end of the service, mostly everyone headed back up to Nick's for something to eat and Nick had stayed back with the Steven's, Brian, Howie, Kevin and A.J.

"Nick, it would mean a lot to Stacie if you were the one to, you know-" Mrs. Steven's handed Nick the urn.

"Are you sure?" Nick asked.

"Please." Mr. Steven's told Nick with an arm around his wife. "We'll leave you alone but please come up to your home after, I would like you to meet some of Stacie's family."

"Of course," Nick nodded his head and looked down at his hands. The guys then went up to Nick when he was alone and each of them had a hand on Nick. "I don't know if I can do this. I mean I know she would want this but it's almost like it's not her in here."

"We'll go up to the water with you, come on," Brian told Nick and together they all walked down to the water.

"I can't believe this is my final good-bye. I'm never going to see her again, or hold her in my arms or..." Nick broke down and on cue the four brother's wrapped there arms around Nick.

"We're here for you buddy," Kevin told Nick. Brian had called him a few days prior and when he heard how Nick wasn't dealing he knew he had to be there for Nick. The five stayed in silence, knowing this was exactly what Nick needed. After a few minutes passed, Nick pulled away and rubbed the sleeve of his shirt over his face drying his tears.

"I need to do this now," he said and then walked closer to the water, faced the opposite direction of the wind, and slipped off his shoes. He rolled his pants up to his knees and stepped into the cool water and opened the urn. He then slowly tilted the urn downward.

"I will always love you," he said and then dumped the ashes into the wind and into the water letting the waves take them out the ocean. He stood in the waves for a couple of minutes then began to walk down the beach. He had rolled his sleeves up because the hot sun was beating down on him and reached the jetty. Nick took a seat on a rock and the memories he had spent since the first day he met Stacie flooded his mind.

Nick sat with the urn next to him for a good thirty minutes when he decided to head back to pay his respects to Stacie's family. As he stood up, something shiny caught his eye as the sun bounced off of it. He looked down into the rocks and saw a knife sticking up. A steak knife.
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