He stood on the street corner outside his apartment building for several long minutes. Just stood there watching the world around him and soaking it all in as the moments slowly passed him by. The moments had been passing this way for him for months now. Slowly, miserably, agonizingly, painfully... that was at least until the numbness had set in.

The cold air of the New York City winter rushed over his body... cold enough to freeze the ordinary citizens right back inside. Back into the safe haven of their homes and hotels and businesses, leaving the streets completely void of what everyone perceived to be the night life in this grand and busy city. Tonight the grand and busy city seemed more dull and lonely but he couldn't feel the icy sting of the cold air. Not like those others. Not anymore.

He couldn't feel anything anymore.

The numbness had completely taken over days ago, allowing his body a quiet retreat from the agony of the life he planned on leaving behind. All he felt now was exhaustion... exhaustion and eagerness to get this over with.

He watched as several cars rolled past. Watched for that familiar yellow color that signaled the advance of a potential escort. His escort to the end of it all. It seemed to last an eternity, his standing there on that corner in the cold and the snow... it was snowing too but even the beautiful wonder of the falling snow -- which he'd once adored so much he'd pulled Brian out of bed in the middle of the night to build a snowman with him -- couldn't pull his heart away from the numbness it felt. Years ago maybe... back when he had something to live for, maybe then he would have seen this as something special... a sign from God. Now it meant absolutely nothing but another cold snowy, lonely night in NYC.

Finally he saw the headlights coming down the road, the beams reflecting off the patches of ice on one of the few unsalted streets in the city... one of those left behind. He knew when he'd choosen this apartment building, in this part of town, on this street that he was choosing somewhere no one would expect him to go. That's why he decided the moment he walked in that door and saw the ugly carpeting and the paneled walls and shook hands with the friendly security guard, that it was the place he'd been needing all along. A place to settle things... to prepare. He'd never dreamed it would take two months. Never dreamed he'd come to know this place as 'home'.

He raised his hand slightly and the taxi pulled up to the curb alongside him. A young man, probably no older than 25 sat in the driver's seat, wearing a baseball cap and bopping his head along to Pink Floyd... the familiar lyrics echoed in his mind as he climbed into the backseat and the driver nodded at him in the rearview mirror...

Comfortably numb. But not so much. There was nothing comforting about the numbness he felt deep inside. It was probably the most uncomfortable feeling he'd ever known... second to despair. He sat in silence for a moment, taking in the lyrics and sighing deeply... "The child is grown, the dream is gone." Nothing could more accurately describe his existence in this world now.

"Where to?"

The voice of the driver, the young blonde in the front seat that reminded Aj so much of Nick it wasn't even funny -- even if he knew there wasn't the slightest possibility it could be Nick -- pulled him from his thoughts and snapped him back to the harsh realities of the cold and cruel world. 'Where to?' Such a simple question and yet, no easy answer.

"Brooklyn." He answered quietly handing the young man some cash, "the bridge."

The look on his face, the doubt he expressed in that one moment where their eyes connected in that mirror made him want to open the door and run back into the apartment. He couldn't chicken out though. He'd done that too many times before. He had to go through with it this time. He had to.

"You sure?" the young man asked as he pulled slowly away from the curb and headed for the end of the street. "Brooklyn isn't a place most people care to hang out at night."

Aj simply nodded. He had no choice but to be sure.