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Chapter 19

Brian walked into his house quietly, hoping to surprise Alexa. His fellow Backstreet Boys had arrived to Atlanta earlier that morning for their show that night. Brian had met them for lunch at a local restaurant a couple of hours earlier, but hadn’t expected to be back until right before the concert. He had planned on attending sound check, but when Nick informed him that the crowd was going to be littered with fans, he decided against it and returned home.

When he walked in, Brian heard soft music floating in from upstairs and smiled to himself. Alexa was probably taking a shower. She had the tendency to blare music and sing loudly while bathing. It was unbelievably cute. As he ascended the stairs toward his bedroom, he noticed that the music sounded unbelievably familiar. She was listening to the Backstreet Boys.

Brian flung the door opened to his room and found Alexa lying on the bed tapping her toe to one of their older songs, “Get Down.”

Alexa sat up quickly when she saw Brian step through the doorway. “What are you doing here?”

“Well,” Brian replied, smirking at how pink her cheeks were. “It’s obvious that you didn’t expect me, that’s for sure. What are you listening to?”

“I’m going to my first Backstreet Boys concert, Brian.” Alexa argued. “I have to be able to sing along.”

Brian laughed and shook his head. “Well, Sweetheart, I can PROMISE you that this song will NOT be sung tonight.”

Alexa tilted her head and sighed. “So, you never break out the oldies, huh?”

“I have nothing to do with it anymore, remember?” Brian laughed and walked over to the stereo, mindlessly flipping through the stack of CDs that were placed next to it. “But even if I did, ‘Get Down’ is not one of the songs that I would choose to sing. Where did you even find these?”

Alexa shrugged. “They were stashed away in the closest in a box marked ‘as close to death as a person can come.’ Were you having a dark day that day?”

Brian chuckled. “There was no box that said that.”

Alexa grinned. “I guess it’s just your word against mine. You know, there are a couple of songs on here that I really love. You want to hear them?”

Brian rolled his eyes and smiled. “Here we go. Yeah, let’s hear them.”

She scanned back a few tracks on the album and Brian immediately noticed the intense boom of the bass as the song started.

Alexa began to sing along as A.J.’s young voice filled the air. “You’ve got something/so incredible in my eyes/my heart starts pumping/whenever you’re around/my whole world's upside down baby.”

She danced around aimlessly as Brian’s part in the song began to play. Brian leaned against his mahogany dresser and shoved his hands into his pockets. Watching her tease him was rather amusing.

“I always gotta make a play/ohh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh/ohh-oh-oh-oh-oh/Boys will be boys.” Alexa continued to sing, then stopped and looked over at Brian with a smirk. “You were a bunch of dirty boys, weren’t you? So, tell me, were you advocating date rape in this song or what?”

Brian shook his head and continued grinning. “You got me. Are you quite finished yet?”

“Oh, Baby.” Alexa replied with a smile. “I’ve just begun.”

She picked up the second CD from the stack and placed it in the CD player. She scrolled down to track number 11. Brian groaned as the opening lines of “If You Want it to be Good Girl” blared through the speakers. He slapped his hand to his forehead. “Can I just be the first to say that I completely agree with you on this one?”

Alexa laughed as she danced around Brian only stopping to sing along when his part in the song began. “And if you want to get it done/then you gotta get the one/the one who’s got it goin’ on/ and if you wanna make it last/gotta know just who to ask/babe it’s got to be the best.”

She broke down laughing as Brian glared at her playfully.

“Are you finished mocking my career yet?” Brian remarked, feigning annoyance.

“Aw,” She responded, wrapping her arms around his neck. “Did I hurt your feelings?”

“Yeah, a little bit, you did.” Brian laughed and looked away from her, still pretending to be annoyed.

Alexa pushed him. “Well whatever. Get used to it.”

Brian laughed and pulled her to him, tickling her sides gently. “Get used to it, huh? How about you get used to it.”

Alexa wiggled away, out of breath from her bout of laughter. “Do you want to hear an old one that I actually do like?”

“I don’t know, do I?” Brian replied, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“Yeah, you do.” She walked back over to the stereo and scrolled back to track number 5. The opening bars of “That’s the Way I Like it” began to play.

“Are you serious?” Brian replied, laughing. “Out of every song you picked this one? I expected a ballad or something.”

Alexa danced her way back over to where Brian was standing and began to sing along again. “Somebody told me that you’re not my kind so have I lost my mind/you keep on doing all those things I like/you’ve got me hypnotized, but that’s the way I like it!”

Brian laughed as she grabbed his hands and attempted to make him dance with her. By the time that his verse had come along, he had given in and was dancing along beside her. He twirled her around and grabbed her waist as he began to sing along. “Hey Mystery lady/you’ve got something I like/tell me you’re hear to stay/you’re dangerous/oh baby could you do me right/will you come out to play/Cuz that’s the way I like it.”

Alexa laughed and turned back around. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him softly. “You’re amazing.”

Brian smiled and kissed her back. “You’re more amazing.”

“How was your lunch?” She asked as she pulled away from him and walked over to the stereo to shut the music off.

“It was good. We actually have to leave here in an hour or so. Nick and Howie are excited to meet you.”

Alexa nervously wiped her hands against her jeans. “Yeah, me too.”

“Are you okay?” Brian asked, sensing that she was growing nervous.

“I’m good. Two more to go, right?” Alexa walked over and attempted to smile. “I guess after my Backstreet-induced workout that I should get into the shower, huh?”

“Yeah,” Brian replied playfully. “Because you pretty much stink.”

Alexa rolled her eyes. “Well, you know. I was going to ask you to join me, but since I smell so badly-”

Brian grinned, scooped her up in his arms and walked toward the bathroom. “We’ll just lather you up really good.”

Alexa laughed as he made his way across the room to the bathroom. He turned on the water, put her fully-clothed into the running stream and then stepped in behind her. As the water cascaded down her face he pressed his mouth against hers, pulled her shirt over her head and swung the shower curtain closed.

------

Over an hour later, Brian and Alexa walked through the security gate with ease. Ever since she and Brian had stepped out of the shower, Alexa had been overcome with panic. Here she was, in the lion’s den. It was almost as if she wished to get caught; although, how could she have told him that she wasn’t going to go? Not to mention the fact that not only was she pressured by Brian, but Kevin and AJ were after her to attend the show also--except she kind of thought that was only because they expected that Brian wouldn’t have gone alone.

This was Brian’s first Backstreet related function without his wife, but he seemed fine. Admittedly, Brian thought about Hayden all the time. He thought about the past. He thought about the good times. He thought about the bad times, too. However, he caught himself wishing less and less that she was there and in fact, if he had wished for Hayden to be around, it was mostly because he thought that she really would have loved Alexa.

As the couple approached the dressing room door, they stopped. Brian squeezed Alexa’s hand gently. “Are you ready for the madness?”

“Like I said before,” Alexa replied with a sigh. “Two more to go.”

Brian kissed her softly before opening the door and letting himself into the dressing room. The room was bustling with people. Make-up artists were applying foundation. Costume designers were fixing hems. In the middle of it all stood Brian, who was used to this world, and Alexa, who was clinging to Brian for dear life.

Through the vanity mirror, Nick spotted Brian and Alexa walk in. “Hey!” He greeted, standing from his spot on the black director’s chair that was donned with his name. “You’re late.”

“What do you mean, we’re late? The show doesn’t start for another 30 minutes.” Brian replied.

“Yeah, but you know how busy it gets in here up until then.” Nick replied and pulled Brian into one of those ‘manly hugs.’ He then peeked at Alexa. “And who’s this?”

Brian placed his hand on the small of Alexa’s back and ushered her forward. “This is Alexa, my girlfriend.” Brian beamed proudly.

Alexa extended her hand and Nick willingly shook it. “It’s really great to meet you. We’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Thanks. I’ve heard a lot about you, too.” Alexa breathed a sigh of relief. For the time being, she had dodged another bullet.

“So, how did you and Brian meet?” Nick asked pulling Alexa along as the makeup artist pulled Nick back to the chair.

Alexa laughed and waved goodbye to Brian.

Brian smirked, knowing that Alexa was in good hands. He scanned the room and finally spotted Kevin, AJ and Howie sitting in the back of the room talking quietly. He walked over and nodded a greeting at the trio.

“What’s up, Man?” AJ asked, moving over so that Brian could sit down next to him on the brown leather sofa that adorned the room. “Where’s Alexa?”

Brian nodded over to where Nick was sitting at the vanity table. “Nick stole her away.”

Howie stood quickly. “I guess I should go introduce myself, too.”

As Howie walked away, AJ and Kevin exchanged glances nervously, then Kevin sighed.

“What?” Brian asked, smirking to himself.

“How likely are you to agree to come onstage and sing a couple of songs with us? Just for the night?” Kevin asked blankly.

“Uh, I would say slim to none.” Brian nodded. “Yep, slim to none.”

“But there’s a chance?” AJ followed up.

“Maybe, but I wouldn’t count on it. Why?” Brian asked, nervously. He had expected them to ask, but he was also expecting his ‘no’ to be much more convincing than it was, even to himself.

“No real reason.” Kevin replied, shrugging his shoulders. “I mean, you’re here. You’ve sung a lot of these songs for years. We don’t want to pressure you, but you know? It would be nice to have you up there for at least one song.”

“Like I said,” Brian repeated. “I wouldn’t count on it.”

“So, how about you give us some kind of gesture or something if you change your mind.” AJ prodded. He really wanting Brian back in the group. This was their comeback, ultimately, and what were they coming back to without all five of them there?

Brian sighed, knowing that he wasn’t going to change his mind. However, he nodded to appease AJ and Kevin. “If I change my mind, you’ll know it.”

Kevin nodded his head. “Good.”

Just then, the stage manager walked in. “10 minutes to show time guys, we need you backstage.”

Kevin and AJ stood. “I guess that’s our cue.” AJ replied. “Literally.”

Brian nodded and stood as well. “Yeah, good luck guys. Alexa and I will be watching from back here, so we’ll see you in a few. I need to tear her away from Nick and Howie.”

Kevin and AJ nodded and proceeded to leave the room as Brian walked over to where Alexa was still sitting with Nick and Howie, who were in no rush to leave. “Uh, I think that you guys had better go. AJ and Kevin are going to start the show without you.”

Howie stood up. “He’s right Nick. The lights are probably about ready to go down. It was nice talking to you Alexa.”

“Aw, come on.” Nick retorted. “Alexa was just getting ready to tell us all about your Backstreet pre-game this afternoon.”

Brian laughed. “Well, then, I guess that I’m glad that you need to get to work.”

Nick grumbled as he grabbed his jacket and left the room.

“Backstreet pre-game, huh?” Brian remarked with a smirk. “Haven’t you ever heard of discretion?”

Alexa laughed and raised her shoulders. “My bad?”

Brian laughed, too. He took her hand gently into his and kissed it softly. “You ready for the real Backstreet party?”

Alexa smiled and nodded, feeling relieved. Luckily, the impression that she’d made on the Backstreet Boys had been completely non-withstanding, which in this case, was completely okay in Alexa’s book. Although, they weren’t in Ben’s office. Maybe it was a change of venue reaction? Does that mean that as long as she stayed away from their business that she’d be okay?

Brian helped her up out of the chair that she was sitting in and led her out of the room. They took their place on the side of the stage just as the Boys began to sing ‘Everybody.’

Alexa stood at Brian’s side and watched as he bobbed his head and mouthed along with the words. Whether he admitted it or not, he wanted to be on stage with his friends. The crowd screamed in a frenzy, every time that Nick said the word, “sexual.” The dance moves were flawless, almost as if they had never stopped touring in the first place.

Alexa visually scanned the crowd. Some fans were jumping up and down, some were singing along and others were practically in tears from seeing ‘their boys’ for the first time after so many years. It was an enlightening experience. Though she teased him about being in a boyband, Alexa would never take away from Brian’s beautiful singing voice or the impact that his music had on people’s lives, but seeing that impact right in front of her eyes was so amazing. A pang of hurt shot through Alexa as she realized that Brian wasn’t there with his friends, basking in the glory of their success. She laced her fingers through his and for a moment, thought about pushing him onto the stage. Instead, she leaned against his shoulder.

Throughout the concert, the Boys sang their old hits and threw in some songs that were potentially going to be on the next album. AJ kept stealing glances back at Brian. When they caught each other’s eyes, Brian simply shook his head, ‘no.’

When the Boys needed to slow down for a bit, a set of stools were brought onto the stage. From their seated position, they sang “I’ll Never Break Your Heart” and “Show me the Meaning of Being Lonely.” Then, they added a new song that was titled, “Lose it all.”

Alexa swayed to the melody of the ballad.

After the first chorus, Kevin began to sing. “Don’t change a thing/you’re perfect as you are/time has a way/time is all I’ve got/and if my heart should shatter watching you/that’d be one less thing that I’d have to prove.”

Brian searched out Alexa’s hand and squeezed it tightly as the group began to sing in unison. “And if I lose it all/they’ll be nothing left to lose/and I will take the fall/Cuz knowing you are out there breathing is so wonderful/It’s the chance I take even if I break/and I lose it all/if I lose it all/it wouldn’t matter anyway.”

Tears began to brim in the corners of Alexa’s eyes. The song rang true to her own heart. She had Brian now and she had vowed to take this chance with him. It wouldn’t matter if she took the chance and ended up hurt, because she started with nothing. She had nothing left to lose. She had done some stupid things to get where she was, but Brian didn’t really have anything to lose either. Maybe he was more understanding than she thought that he could be, maybe love really did conquer all? That is unless the other party starts to believe that all of their ‘love’ was built on a lie.

These were the thoughts that plagued her daily. She should have just told him the truth, but she was so afraid of losing him that she didn’t take the chance.

The concert began to wind down about an hour later. Alexa found herself to be disappointed that it was almost over.

The Boys were just ending “Larger than Life” and AJ was thanking the crowd. He continued to glance back at Brian. They had one song left; this was Brian’s last chance to join them.

AJ nodded to Brian to join the other’s on the stage. Brian knew what song was left. It was their biggest hit, “I Want it That Way.” He jammed his hands into his pockets and jiggled the coins that had taken rest there earlier in the day.

Brian let go of Alexa’s hand and wrapped his arm around her. He kissed the top of her head. “They’re not so bad, huh?”

“They’re great, actually.” Alexa replied, smiling up at him. “You’re great, too, you know. It wouldn’t be bad of you if you wanted to join them.”

Brian shook his head. “You’re the third person to make that suggestion to me tonight.”

Alexa shrugged. “I’ve seen the looks between you and AJ. Brian, look at me.”

Brian turned and looked down at her.

“Go. You’ve been mouthing the words to the songs all night anyway. Just take the leap. It’s okay. No one’s going to judge you. Everyone is rooting for you.” Alexa smiled and repeated the word one last time, barely above a whisper. “Go.”

Brian swallowed hard. It was now or never. He had the chance. He could go join his friends. He could join them for tonight. He could join them for forever. It all started with one step.

AJ looked back at Brian and widened his eyes, waiting for a final response. Brian nodded. It was time to sing again.

AJ grinned wildly almost unable to contain his excitement. His brother was back. “We’ve got one more treat for you.” AJ added to the crowd. The other Backstreet Boys looked at him, not knowing of the interaction that had just occurred between him and Brian. “We have someone special that’s been backstage this whole time, except he’s been battling a bit of stage fright.”

Brian laughed and shook his head.

A rumbling murmur rang through the crowd. They knew—Brian was there.

“So, why don’t you all help us in welcoming Rok back to the stage to help us sing our last song?” AJ continued.

Alexa gave Brian’s hand one last squeeze. “Good luck.”

Brian felt as if his feet were made of stone. He was grateful when he felt Alexa’s hand on his back giving him a gentle push to get his feet moving.

The crowd erupted into screams. The fan-frenzy reached epic proportions.

Tears were brought to Brian’s eyes. He had never realized the amount of support and love that he really did have from his fans. He also didn’t know how he could ever think that he could just walk away from it all—the fans, the music, his brothers.

Hugs were shared between Brian and the other four men. Though they had seen each other just moments before, they all knew what a huge step this was for Brian. They knew how far he had come in the little while that they had been recording without him.

They took a minute on stage to tune and re-harmonize with each other now that Brian was joining them. A couple of minutes later, the begin chords of “I Want it That Way” began to play.

Alexa stood back excitedly as she watched Brian light up the stage. He sang beautifully. It was as if he had been recording with the others all along. She could see how happy he was to be up on stage. There would be no stopping him now. He had caught the Backstreet bug.

As the song ended, the fans were still chanting choruses of, “Backstreet Boys! Backstreet Boys!” and “We love you Brian!”

The five men huddled in the middle of the stage knowing that they had to give them one more song. At Brian’s suggestion, they all looked at him as if he was crazy.

“Why that one?” Nick asked with his eyebrows knitted in confusion.

“It’s an oldie, but goodie.” Brian replied, then held his hands up, “Hey, what say do I have, this is your group.”

Kevin grabbed his cousin’s shoulder. “No, Brian. We’ve always just been waiting for you to decide that the time was right.”

The others nodded in agreement.

“Okay. We’ll sing that.” AJ replied with a shrug of his shoulders.

Kevin hurried to talk to the band and get them copies of the old sheet music. Within minutes, the bass line of the song began. They stood in their old formation on the stage, hoping that the music would bring the moves back.

“That’s the way I like it!” They belted out and began to move with ease.

On the side of the stage, Alexa laughed hysterically and shouted like a teenybopper. “Whooo!”

They danced through their bobbles and sang the words convincingly. The entire time, the group was having a blast. It was what the music was supposed to be about. For the first time in years, they were all on the stage together, having the time of their lives.

As the song ended, they bowed to the crowd’s massive applause and cheers and then hurried off the stage. Brian ran right over to Alexa and wrapped his arms around her, twirling her around.

“You were amazing.” Alexa said, kissing his sweaty cheek. “And thanks for the shout-out, though no one knew it but me and you.”

Brian laughed. “I think the others knew, too.”

“So,” Alexa replied, smiling. “Does this mean that you’re a Backstreet Boy again?”

Brian shrugged. “I don’t know. I mean, I really loved it, but they’ve done so much for the album and it’s a lot—touring, promotion. I won’t ever be home.”

“Brian.” Alexa said, giving him a blank look. “If you think for one second that I’m buying this, you’re smoking crack.”

Brian sighed and nodded. “I hadn’t been able to admit it to myself, but you saw me up there. There’s no denying it now, right? I do want it.”

“Then, Baby,” Alexa replied cheekily. “Let’s go get it.”

Brian took her hand and led her back to the dressing room, where the other boys were waiting.

As they walked in, everyone was talking excitedly about the show, about Brian coming back, about which songs they would need to re-record. Alexa, however, stopped dead in her tracks. Across the room, sitting in the chair that Nick had sat in earlier that day, was Ben. His right leg was crossed over his left and he was smirking at her victoriously. Alexa was wondering, of everything that she thought could happen, how did she not see this one coming?

Beside her, Brian was grinning happily. He was turned talking to an older band member that had been with them since the beginning.

Alexa tugged on his hand, trying to get his attention. “B-Brian, I-I need to go to the restroom.”

“Yeah, sure, it’s just around the corner. You okay?” He asked, glancing down at her worriedly.

She nodded and squeezed his hand before slipping out the door. She jogged down the hallway, but didn’t make it far before she head someone calling her name.

“Alexa,” Ben called from behind her. “Alexa?”

Alexa didn’t stop until Ben caught up with her and grabbed her arm. He swung her around violently.

“What do you want?” Alexa asked nervously.

“I want you to listen to me when I call you, first of all.” Ben spat. Fire was radiating from his eyes.

“I don’t work for you anymore.” Alexa replied, staring right back at him.

Ben’s expression softened. “That’s right. Legally, you don’t. However, you kind of did what I asked you to anyway. Life works out funny like that sometimes.”

“So what are you going to do now?” Alexa replied, forcing the tears that were trying to escape down to her throat. “Are you going to tell him everything? Ruin my life and his?”

Ben laughed to himself throatily. “I should, shouldn’t I? And I would, except now, Brian’s talking about re-signing his contract and coming back to work. If I tell him our little plan, I’ll never get him back.”

“No. This was never OUR plan.” Alexa argued. “This was your plan.”

“What difference does that make?” Ben replied, still smiling creepily. “You went along with it, didn’t you?”

“No, not really and you know that! Why can’t you just leave well enough alone?” The tears were finally escaping Alexa’s eyelids. “Just let Brian be happy. Let me be happy.”

Ben laughed to himself. “This isn’t about Brian’s happiness. I love Brian to death. He’s like my son. This is about loyalty. To me. And you apparently don’t have any.”

Alexa scoffed at the irony of his statement. “You are bat shit crazy, Ben.”

Ben glared at her and released his grip on her arm, pushing her backwards. “It was nice to see you again, Alexa. Enjoy your time with Brian.”

With that, Ben walked away without a second glance back. Alexa ran to the bathroom and splashed her face with cold water. This can’t be happening. She thought to herself hysterically. I knew it was going to come eventually, but it can’t be happening now.

She sat on the dirty bathroom floor and let the tears roll down her face. After she knew that she had been gone for a while and that Brian was going to start to get worried, she grabbed her make-up case out of her purse and tried her best to cover up the puffiness of her face.

When she stepped out of the bathroom, another set of hands grabbed her. She was pulled down the hall and shoved into a maintenance closet. He reached up and pulled the chain above their heads to turn on the light.

For a second, Alexa was relieved that it was only AJ. Then, she looked into his eyes. He was furious. He pushed her back into the blue steel door and whispered harshly, “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t go back to Brian and tell him exactly who you really are.”