We all look at each other, I take a seat on the edge of the bed. What the hell was I thinking, when I came up with this idea. I have no fucking clue. Here we are in this tiny ass bedroom, us men and her. I thought this guy had some nerve before, but now he’s…oh that’s just great! He’s stripping off his damn shirt and she’s watching him. HA! Oh, so she wants something to look at huh? Why in the hell do I feel the need to compete with this asshole. I grab the hem of my wife beater, and pull it over my head. I can’t help it, I smirk as I feel the weight of her eyes on me now.
See, that’s the way it’s supposed to be. Anyways, I’m in far better shape than he is, I’m not getting cocky or anything, it’s only the truth. Quickly I plop my ass back on the bed, as I watch her, in that rather short pajama ensemble crawl under the covers. “Good night” she yawns, letting her head rest on the pillow. I’m not moving from here, that blonde fucker can think or say what he wants, but I’m not budging.
I sit there watching, him make a nest, on the floor. “So…aren’t you going to make yourself a spot?“ he asks me with raised eyebrows. Fuck no, first of all I don’t sleep on floors and second of all, I’ve slept next to her before, and I fully intend to tonight.
I don't have to give him any explanations, it's more to cover my ass “I have no intentions on sleeping. Someone has to keep a look out, especially since you heard noises earlier."
He smirks “Oh…riiiight…” he shrugs his shoulders and carefully lays down on his stomach, covering himself up. What a shithead!
I get up to look out the window, the sky has been covered by angry rain clouds. I look into the darkness, and get an uneasy feeling, like someone is out there, just waiting for me to fuck up. I really should stay up, as long as I can. Hum…now that I think about it, this could be a perfect time for me to try and look around, after they pass out. I haven’t been able to dig up much about this Richardson guy. I don’t really care about him in general, but I really want to know the connection, between him and the kid.
These two should be exhausted, so there will be no interruptions by either one of them. Every damn time I try to get somewhere, she pops up out of the blue. I can swear she has telepathy…or ESP….whatever the fuck that shit is called. Turning around, I look down at Nick, he’s already on his third dream by the looks of it, plus I saw him take some medication. I walk back over to the bed, and place my knee as softly as possible on the mattress and lean over Crystal. She is snoring so softly I can barely hear it. I push a strand of her hair off her face, and trace a finger lightly over her cheek. Fuck, she's beautiful, after a long sigh, I set off to do my searching.
I make sure not to make to much noise as I sneak down the hall, and I slowly enter Richardson’s room. As I glance around the room, I feel a stitch of guilt hit my stomach. There is a crib in the corner, and a couple of stray toys on the floor. My eyes look over the walls, where there are pictures plastering the walls, of course there is the little green eyed kid, and a couple, of what I make out to be the whole family. “Crys…” I mumble, staring at a small frame with a picture of Crystal. She’s in a soft pink dress, leaning against a tree, her hair loose around her shoulders. Damn, that kid is beautiful, even with that somber look on her face. Scanning the dresser I find another frame, of the kid with a blonde woman, I‘m guessing it‘s her mother. Damn, it looks like she might be Richardson‘s niece, that‘s not to close of a relationship to miss. Right? My fingers touch her face. Damn it Jack, you’re here to find shit out, not stare at pictures.
I start opening drawers, sifting through clothes, looking for anything interesting about this guy. There could be some kind of connection, between him and Don and that’s why he sent me here. I bend down to the bedside table, I swing the small drawer open…owner’s manuals…Bible…a book…papers…nothing. I take a look under the bed “What the hell…?” I find a leather case, before pulling it out, I look over my shoulder, to make sure they haven’t woken up. Once I make sure it’s clear, I open it, luckily there is no lock or code to put in.
At first glance there is a pistol, a badge, some commemorative ribbons and medals. I shuffle through the pictures and come upon a picture of Richardson in a blue uniform. I look over the badge in my hand again, I read the lettering. “LAPD?” How and why would someone from LAPD, be living in this run down town? It could only be to get away from something. I find another picture of Richardson, once again in uniform, with another officer in a dark blue suit, who is slightly shorter than Richardson, and he has salt and pepper hair, They are both holding up medals and smiling proudly. Something draws me to this picture, but I can’t pin point it.
I’m not sure what the hell, my damn gut is telling me, but I’m taking this picture. I stuff it in my pocket, Richardson will be dead anyway, he won’t even know it’s missing. I stuff everything back in the case, close it quickly and stuff it back where it was. There is still nothing that links him to Don, damn it! I find a small desk by the window, last place I can think to look, but I always have the downstairs office. Right away I can tell, that there is nothing but junk papers in it and my rummaging proves pointless. I start for the door and just as I put my hand on the knob, another picture catches my eye. It’s her again, but it looks like one of those professional ones, where she’s all dolled up and smiling. It’s much smaller, just laying on the bookshelf…its small enough to…
“Fuck it, like I said, he wont even know they are missing.” I mumble to myself as I snatch the picture. Can you fucking blame me? I’m only about two days away from getting the hell out of here and I’ll never see her again. That’s the way it has to be, but this picture, will always remind me of her smile. Not that I can forget it, she’s the only person that has ever made me feel all these stupid emotions, that prove worthless. Therefore, instead of standing here like an idiot and already feeling a little…not sad…but…you know what I mean, over the fact that I wont see her again, I should seriously hate the kid. You know what…neverfuckingmind.
Shoving the picture into my pocket, along with the other one, I exit the room and try my best to close the door without making any noise. When I turn around, I’m met with… “What are you doing Jack?” she rubs her eyes, speaking in a hush tone.
“Oh…I…um…” I look back at the door, like the damn thing can help me come up with a reasonable excuse. Think quick Jack, damn it, think quick. “I heard something and I thought I would check the house…again?” I’m a fucking genius, that was a good one…we’ll go with that! I give her a lopsided smile, as I run my hand through my hair, nervously.
“I see…well you should really get some sleep Jack.” she lets out a sigh and hugs herself. I can’t help my eyes from wandering from her feet, with her pink toenails, up her legs, her exposed belly button, the roundness of her…breast, to the groggy look on her beautiful face. “I can’t sleep, I thought I would round up the courage to go get a cup of milk. Would you mind accompanying me.”
She gives me this smile, that well, I can’t say no to. “Uh sure…” she takes my hand in hers and leads me downstairs, there’s nothing, but a couple of crickets chirping, the rain against he window glass and the patter of her feet against the hardwood floors. We reach the kitchen and she lets me go. There go my eyes again watching her walk away, I move my gaze towards the window, to watch the raindrops crash against the glass.
“So…I can’t believe that you are still up, and you haven’t slept one bit. You must be tired.” I watch as she pours herself a glass of milk, and puts the carton back in the fridge.
“Uh…someone has to keep an eye out, Crys.”
“Yeah, that’s true. So, seeing that you aren‘t sleepy…and now neither am I. How about if, I get to know you better.” with three gulps she finishes the glass of milk and advances towards me. “What‘s your favorite color? Do you like to read?” the look on her face is full of anticipation, as she leans her elbows onto the counter and cups her chin in her hands.
“Um…” favorite color…what kind of question is that anyway? Do I like to read, only when I have to read the profile of my assignments, of course that would go over well with her. Lie, Jack. “Um…favorite…color, would have to be black?” ok, that sounded really smart, she agrees with a nod. “I don‘t do much reading…I travel to much. Do the signs on the road count?”
Her giggle echoes through the quiet house “Was that a joke Jack?”
I shrug, not really. “Yeah…I‘m trying to be normal.”
“Ok! Have you ever had a girlfriend? Loved anybody?”
“No girlfriend…and no I have never loved anyone, I don’t think…I…” her gaze falls upon the tiles on the counter, I guess she knows what I‘m about to say. “I don‘t think I ever will.”
She gazes up at me, I can see a bit of disappointment in her blue eyes. She gives me a weak smile “That’s a shame. Ok…I have a good one…What is something you want to do, once you leave this town?”
The question makes my stomach flip, just the thought that I will leave her behind, makes me a bit uneasy. “Well…I thought I would visit…” Damn it, why do I have to get all emotional around her. “Um…West Palm Beach…” I shrug, feeling almost stupid for even, showing some kind of soft side. I do really want to go there, and if I get out of this shit alive. You best bet, that’s were I’m going. “My turn…” I blurt, before she decides to ask me more dumb questions. “How about you? What are you going to do with yourself?”
A loud sigh, escapes her mouth, she turns to lean against the counter, beside me. “I really want to go to school…USC to be exact. I want to be a veterinarian….I‘ve helped around here to tend the animals. So…I want to get a degree, have a family and live happy, with no more drama. Plus my dad…he really wants me to go to school.” her face brightens for a second and then a frown, forms on her perfect, naturally rosy lips. “I know, that’s what my mother would have wanted too.”
“That sounds like a good plan. Your mom…” before I can ask her anything, she interrupts me.
“She died of cancer, about six months ago.” her eyes tear up, I can tell she misses her. “We were so close, but she never…ever told me about my father. The whole time I was growing up, I thought he didn’t love me…I didn’t know he was still alive and he didn’t even know I existed.”
“I’m sorry…” a lump grows in my throat, it reminds me of my family. I can’t even remember any of their faces, I have no memories. Well, except for those that I dream about, and that I have concluded are just my mind making it’s own necessary ones.
Abruptly she turns to look at me, “It’s ok…my plans have changed drastically in the past couple of weeks anyway.” she gets close to me, and places a hand on the waistband of my pants. I swallow hard as I feel her other hand, run over my cheek. “Hasn’t yours Jack…?” her voice is soft, and her lips brush up against my cheek.
I feel hypnotized, every time she gets this close to me. “I…” her eyes penetrate mine, as I move my hands, to rest on her hips. I want to yell at her, for playing with my emotions, but I can’t even say another word. My thoughts drop for a couple of seconds, as her lips connect with mine. Then I realize, I can’t let this happen, no matter how good it feels, or how much I want it. I just can’t. She has a life mapped out and I can’t ruin it for her, I wont let myself do that to her. I pull away, breaking our lip lock “Listen…your just a kid. You’ve got your plans and…I’m really not good for you, Crystal.”
Her eyes tear up, and her chest heaves with anger “Why…?” she speaks softly and then, out of the blue pushes me away “I’m not a KID, Jack. I know what I want and it’s you. I want to be with you…and I love you. WHY CAN’T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT!!” she yells at me and darts towards the door, swiftly unlocking it, she runs out of the house and into the dark, rainy night.
I run after her, almost instantly getting pelted with rain. “Damn it, Crystal come back here.” I find her standing in between the stables and the barn, her hands clasped over her face, she’s drenched. “Fuck Crys…this isn’t the best time to be running around like a stubborn ass brat!” alright, so I shouldn’t be scolding her, on top of telling her that we aren’t meant to be together.
Her head snaps up and she glares at me, letting me have a blow to the chest. OW! “It’s not like you care anyways.” What am I supposed to answer to that? I let out a sigh and do what I think is easier…I say nothing, but grab her arm and start to drag her towards the house.
Yanking her arm from my grip, she comes to a halt “Why do you have to be such a bad ass. Huh? Why can’t you just…let somebody care about you?” she yells at me, I swear, if I didn’t…I would kill her right now. I stand there, staring at her, as the rain soaks us both and I feel each drop, hit hastily against my bare skin. Now, my chest is heaving just as fast as hers, I’ll walk away, just leave her here…I turn around and start towards the house. When suddenly I feel her against me, her hands snake around my waist and rest on my stomach. “Jack…”
I swallow hard, no matter how fucking much I’m fight to keep my guard up, she’s knocking it down. Without a second thought I turn to look at her, her eyes lock with mine. My heart is pounding, full force, it almost feels like it’s in my ribcage. I’m not sure what I’m about to do, but I have to admit, I need it just as much as she does. My hands make way towards her face, and once they cup the back of her neck, her eyes slowly close, with anticipation. I bend down slowly, letting our mouths meet , then hungrily my lips cover hers. She responds with, just as much force, as her hands fly up to my bare chest, up my shoulders and around my neck. Before, I know it, she’s leading me to the stables, I’ve never been in here before.
I can’t help, but to smirk at the coincidence of a small, made up bed, in the farhand corner of the stables, luckily nowhere near the animals. I can tell she’s nervous, maybe even scared and I’m not sure why...unless…it’s her first time. My thoughts are broken, by her lifting her shirt over her head, I’ve been yearning to see that, for so long. My lips break into a smile, I’m delighted at the view and she knows it. She walks over to me, letting her hands and fingers trail every tattoo on my arms, no one has ever done that before. I feel her warm lips on my shoulder, up my neck, and over my jaw. There is a tingling sensation on my skin, where her lips just trailed.
I don’t even notice we are moving, until she plops on to the bed, and pulls me gently onto her. I’ve never been this patient, this explorative, this full of emotions, I can’t really explain at the moment. I CAN say, that my chest feels like it might explode, if I breathe to heavily. The place is dark, except for a light glow of the moon, peering through a tiny window above us. I can hear the horses stirring a couple of feet away, the rain outside, and our heavy breathing.
I’ve never explored someone, like I just did her, it amazes me to see what I’ve been missing. She smiles up at me, Her warm bare body, against mine, sends a hot rush through my body “Your trembling Jack” she whispers. Trembling? I don’t respond, I’m too embarrassed to admit, that, it’s definitely not the cold that has me shaking in my own skin. I look down at her, as my suspicions, of it being her first time are concluded, by a gasp and the look of pain that washes over her face. I stop, hoping that I haven’t hurt her, maybe I’m going to fast. Damn it Jack! Her hands cup the sides of my face, and she gives me that smile, that makes it feel like a million...butterflies...fluttering in my stomach “It’s ok…I’ll be fine.” her words reassure me, as I smile back at her.
I somehow know tomorrow, I'll regret this and it wont be the actual deed...but the unfamiliar feeling my heart...you know, how about I leave it at that. I shake all the bad thoughts, trying to overcome this mind-blowing experience. My eyes instinctively close, to take in the first and possibly last moment of something meaningful...in my life and I let her soft sounds, the rain pelting the rooftop, and the excessive drumming of my heart, drown out everything around me.
