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Act One

(We begin our scene in the West Side of New York City. Mercutio (Cutie) and Benvolio (Benny) are sitting at the curb, drinking a 40 ounce and smoking what they like to call “Magic Stix”.)

Cutie: Man...fuck dem Capulets, yo. They ain't shit.

Benny: Damn straight. Who they think they is, anyway? Bouncin' around the joint, thankin' they all that and a bag o' chips. Like you said, C, they ain't shit.

Cutie: When I say that?

Benny: A few minutes ago, bro'.

Cutie: ....oh, shit, I sho' did. (he looks down at his joint) Man....this the shit!

Benny: You ain't lyin'...

(Just then, a Capulet by the name of Tybalt (Big T.) rolls up in front of Benny and Cutie in a Rolls Royce C85. They look up, and shake their heads, a sign that they're tired of seeing another majorly paid Cap showing off.)

Cutie: Man...look at THIS sweet mu'fucka. Always tryin' to show out. (he shouts) WE KNOW YOU GOT MONEY! Damn...Get gone, man...

(Big T. gets out of his car, and approaches Cutie.)
Cutie: What you want?

Big T.: Why don't you say that to my face, man...(he spits out his tooth pick)

Cutie: Why you gotta be all dat? I mean, you come up on 6th Street, tryin' to show out, thankin' you look all good, and ya' don't. So, why don't you just go back to yo' big ass, enormous ass mansion and go suck a--

Benny: Cu! Dis mu'fucka ain't worth it.

Big T.: No no...let him talk his shit...whachu want me to do again, Cutie?

Cutie: I say, right? Go suck a dick, man, and roll yo' ass on!

(Big T. hauls off and punches him in the face. Cutie lands on his back, holding his face. Benny pulls out his piece, as did Big T., and begin to have a stand off.)

Benny: You ain't gon' do shit. You all talk, Cap.

Big T.: Oh, you think I won't shoot you right here, mu'fucka?

Benny: Hell naw...you too stuck up n' shit to kill sum'body. So, why don't you get gon' sum'where?

Big T.: Because I don't like y'all asses. I don't like yo' stank ass, I don't like him, and I damn sho' don't like yo' whole damn family. If anybody is all talk, it's you Montagues. Always startin' shit, an--

(Benny shoots him in the foot.)

Benny: Damn, you talk too much, foo'.

(Benny leaves Big T. jumping up and down in pain. He helps Cutie up, and they start to walk off.)

Cutie: (rubbing his cheek) 'Ey, man...where Romeo at?

Benny: Last I saw that dude, he was on the corner of 5th and Sequoia. Man, I think he sprung.

Cutie: On who?

Benny: Some chickenhead named Rosaline. She a stank ho, man, let me tell you. She be runnin' trains on 3rd and Harding. I be seein' that shit, man.

Cutie: I know Ro'. He'll get over that bitch. Let's go get that mu'fucka.

Benny: 'Ight.

(There, we see Romeo – or Romy for short-- standing under a viaduct, looking at the photo of him and Rosaline [Rosa]. A few minutes later, Benny and Cutie meet up with
Romy, and they exchange special handshakes.)

Benny: What's crackin', foo'?

Romy: Nothin', B...

Cutie: Dude, that ho got yo' ass trippin'. She ain't worth it.

Romy: She was to me, man...she...I was gon' make her da momma of my shorties, man...

Benny: Man, fuck her!

Romy: (looks up at Benny) I tried, man...she ain't give me NO play. I was like, “Why don't you come over to my crib, and chill a minute?” And she say, “Nah, thass' 'ight.” And lef'. Broke my heart, B...I bought her ass a Baby Phat jacket, and she didn't even want it. $500. GON'!

Cutie: You spent $500 on a jacket? Thass' fucked up...nah, YOU fucked up. Cain't you take it back?

Romy: Cain't, man. Sto' closed up...won't get me a fuckin' refund. Pussies.

(Just then, a pimp wearing a purple Zoot Suit and a dark purple robe cruised his way up to them in a purple Cadillac.)

Pimp: Whassup, my wizzles?

Romy: Sup, P. Whachu got there?

Pimp: This shit here? This right here, man? This shit here? This the guest list fo' this bangin' party dat's finna start tonight. It's gon' be off the fuckin' chain, man...

Cutie: fo' real? Will dere be ho's?

Pimp: All the ho's from coast to coast gon' be there, baby-baby...

Cutie: Sweet, man! Shit...I cain't wait...

Pimp: Urry'body's invited. Them Montagues ain't. We ain't tryin' to start nuthin' up in there, ya know what I'm sayin', homey?

Cutie: Damn straight, foo'.

Pimp: And when y'all get there? Get a glass of dat Hpnotiq, kick back, smoke, an' jus' chill...

(Romy reads over the guest list, and sees Rosa's name at the top)

Romy: Fuck.

Benny: What?

Romy: She gon' be there...Rosa.

Cutie: So? Ignore hu' ass...she ain't nobody.

Romy: (smiles) you right, you right...we gon' be there, man. When is it gon' start?

Pimp: Ten Ten, on da Fin, my wizzles...see ya there...

(He drives off, leaving a trail of purple smoke behind him.)

Romy: Well? What we waitin' fo'?

Cutie: Let's get some ho's!

(Benny smacks him upside his head)

Cutie: Damn, bro'!

(They all walk down the sidewalk, heading to the Capulet's mansion.)