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Act Five

(At the Capulet mansion, a servant walks over to Juliet's father with exciting news.)

Servant: Mr. Capulet, sir?

Father: Yes, Winston?

Servant: A Mr. Paris has arrived, sir. Shall I let him in?

Father: AH yes! Bring him in!

(the servant bows to him, and walks out. Minutes later, he returns with a young man with mocha skin tone. He wore a satin dark purple shirt and black dresspants with black shoes to match. His hair was long and wavy, and it always moved when he walked.)

Paris: Seņor Capulet, I am Paris, your daughter's suitor.

Father: At last, you have arrived! (Just then, Mariah walks in)

Mariah: 'Ey, Pops, we're out of Bartles and James, and—Oh, my Living God...

Father: Mariah, this is Paris, your future brother in law.

Mariah: Alright! Pleased to me—wait, whoa whoa...BROTHER in law? What the fuck, Pops?

Father: This is Juliet's future husband...(to Paris) she should be pleased to see you.

Mariah: (thinking) Yeah...she's gonna be beside herself...

Paris: So, where is that beautiful daughter you've told me so much about, huh?

Father: She is sleep at the moment, son. Perhaps you should stay and wait?

Paris: I shall do as you request. Seņor Capulet, if you would, could you not tell her about our arranged marriage? I want to charm her first with my dyNAMIC good looks...(he takes out a big ass mirror, and slicks his long locks back.) Ow, hurt me...

(Mariah rolls her eyes, and goes back upstairs.)

(Juliet stand out on her balcony, looking at the moon. Her thoughts are on Romeo once again; her Lord, her husband, her boo.)

Juliet: My beloved Romeo...how I miss you so much...I wonder where you are right now...heh...you're probably not thinking of me at all. I'm sure you have a lot of women flocking over you, and I am next in line...oh, who am I kidding? I KNOW you think of me, and I know that I am the only one for you...I just wish you were here with me...

(Mariah walks into her room, then smiles as she knows who she's thinking of again.)

Mariah: Thinking about your Boo Boo, huh?

Juliet: Yes...I miss him.

Mariah: I bet you do. I mean, everytime you think of him, you glow, gur'. Why don't you get his digits, or go over to his crib?

Juliet: Yes...I should go over to his...crib. But I'd rather for him to come here. My bed is hot, and I cannot stand it...

Mariah: Horny as a toad, huh?

Juliet: BINGO.

Mariah: (pats her back) it'll be alright, and—OH, get this, babygirl...there's this sweet ass mu'fucka downstairs, wanting to talk to you. I think he took a wrong turn to Peter Pan's house, if you know what I mean...

Juliet: Downstairs...? To see me?

Mariah: Mmhmm...he cute, but I think he's fruitier than a box of Fruity Pebbles, let me tell you, gur'...

(Juliet laughs)

Juliet: Alright, let's see this “Fruity Pebble” gentleman.

(Juliet walked down the steps, and quickly spots her father and Paris.)

Father: AHH, my Juliet is awake! I want you to meet someone...

(Paris gets up, walks over to Juliet, and kneels down, kissing the back of her hand.)

Paris: Enchante, my dear Julietta...I am Paris Lopez-Rodrigo-Vicente-Lupito-Vasuega-Fernandez-Esposito-Ochito-Ochata-Consuelo-Algarron. But you can call me Big Pari...

Juliet: Uh....hi.

Paris: Mi amor, never have I seen such beauty in all of my life, and I live right next door to the Playboy Mansion...

Father: By the way, I can still get a VIP pass, right?

Paris: Si, seņor.

Father: (under his breath) YES!

Paris: But you, mi querida, are the jewel en mi corazon...let us run away together, and live happily ever after as husband and wife...

Juliet: I...beg your pardon?

Paris: Marry me, Dulce Manzanita...(my sweet little apple)

Juliet: No.

Paris: YES! We are now enga—wai..wait, what?

Juliet: I am not marrying you. I am sorry...but if you expect me to marry this...self absorbed, Menudo reject, you are sadly mistaken.

Father: How...DARE you defy your father?!

Juliet: Why can't you let me make my own decisions for once, huh? I do not love France, or whatever his name is...

Paris: Big...PARI!

Juliet: I do not give a damn if it's Big Pimpin', Spending Cheese! I will not marry you!

Father: (Instantly furious) You will get one thing clear, young lady...You will do as I say, is that clear? When I say you will marry Paris, you WILL marry Paris! The wedding will take place in two weeks, so you WILL get your act together, or so help me GOD...

Paris: I...think I should return when the fire of your anger settles...until then, Adios...

(Paris leaves the house, leaving Juliet and her father quarreling.)

Father: Now, not another word of your resistance. If you shall do so, you're out of the family, the will, and everything else! NO ONE will stand in my way of meeting Miss November!

Juliet: ...what?

Father: A---nevermind that! Go to your room!

(Juliet runs up the steps, and into her room. She finds solace upon her soft Terry bed, and cries her eyes out.)

Juliet: This isn't fair! This isn't fair! Oh, Romeo...whatever shall I do...?

(Meanwhile, Romy is outside Benny's house, waiting for him to come out so they can go by Juliet's house.)

Romy: Man...this mu'fucka take too damn long...

(Suddenly, a running Mariah catches his eye.)

Romy: Look, I don't owe you anything...

Mariah: Are you Romeo Montague?

Romy: Yes...? Who are you?

Mariah: I'm Mariah Capulet, Juliet's sister...

Romy: You Juliet's sister? You darker than her...Why dat is?

Mariah: My father is a ho. Anyway, Juliet needs you. You gotta go to her, man.

Romy: Is she in pain?

Mariah: No, my Pops set her up with this sleazy ass, Ricky Martin “Livin' La Vida Loca” ass dude, and he wants her to marry him.

Romy: No...

Mariah: Yeah, bro'. She needs you, man...tap da—I mean, lay with her...comfort her...tell her to stop shedding her tears...

(Romy hugs her, and runs off.)

Romy: Thanks a lot, gur'!

(Benny walks out of his house, still arguing with his dad.)

Benny: Man, fuck you! I don't need yo--(he sees Mariah.)

Benny: Hi....

Mariah: Hi....

(They slowly walk up to one another, and instantly hold hands. For some odd reason, the tune to Lovestoned filled the air as they did so.)

Together: Heeeeeeey.....

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Juliet: You've come back for me...I knew you'd come...
(Romy rushes to her from his position at the window, and holds her tightly.)

Romy: Not a damn thing would stop me from coming here, Boo Boo...you mean too much to me. I love you, girl...

Juliet: And I, you, Romeo...

(Romy leans in, and passionately kisses his bride, pulling her lower body towards him.)

Juliet: We've waited this long, yes?

Romy: Yes...we have...

Juliet: Take me, kind lover...(she quickly jumps up on him) Take me NOW!

Romy: Okey dokey.

(Romy lost his balance, which caused him to fall onto the bed backwards. Juliet stayed on top of him, kissing his neck.)

Romy: Ohhh ho ho ho...That sho' feels goooood ta ME!

Juliet: It should, dear husband...now...pleasure me.

Romy: (thinking) His mind plays a 1970s porn track. (Yum, yum, gimme sum...)

(Romy and Juliet had finally, after 4 months, consumated their marriage....5 times, because 'a wigga can go da distance!')

(Romeo and Juliet are holding one another bathed in nakedness. The sun began to rise as they slept. Romy was the first one to get up, and get dressed. He stumbles over Juliet's DVD player.)

Romy: SHIT!

(Juliet wakes up, seeing him get dressed.)

Juliet: Leaving so soon?

Romy: Yeah, a brotha gotta roll out. I don't wanna get my ass blasted. You know how that be, right?

Juliet: (giggles) yes...

(Romy walks over to her, and kisses her forehead.)

Romy: I'mma call you, Boo Boo, ok?

Juliet: I will await your call, Love...

(As Romy stepped out to the balcony, Juliet walks out towards it, watching him climb down.)

Juliet: I love you!

Romy: (looks up, and is about to say, I love you back to her, but all he saw was 'milkjugs.' He began to drool.)

Romy: Whooooooa......I love you to--(he slips and falls on his ass...again. To his right, he saw a sturdy ladder that had been just placed there.)

Romy: ...................well, I'll be damned.