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“What are you doing here?!” Nick asked, toweling himself off from rehearsal.

“Sound check.” Bella said simply.

“You’re not doing your show tonight.”

“I am. Only three songs.”

“Three?”

“Yes, Dad.” Bella rolled her eyes and walked over to the stool on stage was and her guitar sat in its stand. Nick shook his head at her stubbornness.

“It’s just three songs buddy,” Howie patted Nick’s shoulder. Nick watched as Bella picked her guitar up, placed an ear-mic in and talked to the sound crew. “It’s kind of kick ass,” Howie admitted making Nick smile.

For the next twenty minutes, Bella strummed and sang two of the three songs she would sing. She also talked to her wardrobe artist and lighting to figure out how she’d get on stage; in order not to make a big deal of all this.

“Lunch time?” Nick asked as Bella made her way to him.

“Sure, where at?”

“There’s a small place down the road, we’re all going.”

“Sounds good.”

“How’s the leg?”

“The leg is fine. Stop worrying.”

“Did the Doctor call you this morning?”

“Not yet.”

“Oh.”

“Relax.” She shot Nick a look before the two began their way out to the bus that would take them to lunch.

~*~*~*~

Later that evening, Bella was on the couch back stage waiting for her to be called to get ready to hit the stage. She was playing a game on her cell phone when it began vibrating. It wasn’t a number she recognized and picked it up.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Isabella Antanelli please. This is Dr. Richard’s from Orlando Hospital.” At that instant Bella’s heart stopped beating and sunk to her stomach.

“Yes, this is her.”

“Isabella your test results came in this afternoon and I’m afraid that something positive showed up.”

“What showed up?”

“I’m sorry but the cancer is back. Now, you should have some more tests done, to find out where it may be to control it again. Is there a way you can come back this evening?”

“The cancer can’t be back, I’ve been fine! I take care of myself!”

“We need other tests done.”

“I’m on tour, I’m in Fort Lauderdale now and I leave for Georgia tomorrow.”

“Ms. Antanelli, it’s crucial you get these tests done and get started with chemo. I’ve sent your doctor the tests results and she wants others done.” Bella couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Besides the couple of dizzy spells, she felt fine.

“I’ll be in contact with my Doctor, thank you.” She said and hung up the phone. She threw it across the room and let out a scream of frustration. She stood up and she turned to reach her crutches, she saw Brian standing in the door way. She closed her eyes briefly and then asked “How much did you hear?”

“I’m sorry Bella,” he said softly and walked up to her. “I came to get you and didn’t want to interrupt…Bella you need to go home.”

“Brian, I can’t,” she whispered, afraid that her voice might break.

“Bells-”

“NO!” She took her crutches and made her way out of the back room to the stage. Moving as fast as she could, she went out to her spot to wait to go out on stage. She had to think about the songs she would be singing. Her first song would definitely help her get out her anger a little.

“You’re on!” Someone called from the background. Bella tossed her crutches to the side and un-strapped her knee brace. She had it wrapped in a simple ace bandage so it wouldn’t be as noticeable; since she was wearing a short skirt and a cut up tank top.


“Motorcycle’s in the parking lot, revving their engines and it just won’t stop. Matches the noise, screaming in my head. Houston, I think we got a problem. Where does everybody go when they go? They go so fast I don’t think they know, we hate so fast and we love too slow. London, I think we got a problem.”

“And when I think about it, I just can’t think about it. I try to drink about it, I keep spinning. Ave Mary A, where did you go? Where did you go? How did you know to get out of a world gone mad? Help me, let go, of the chaos around me. The devil that hounds me, I need you tell me. Child, be still, child be still.”

“Broken hearts all around the spot, I can’t help thinking that we lost the plot. Suicide bomber and a student shot. Tokyo, I think we got a problem. But for that they have gotta pay. If that don’t kill you then the side effects will. If we don’t kill each other then the side effects will. Cape Town, I think we gotta problem.”

“Ave Mary A, where did you go? Where did you go? How did you know to get out of a world gone mad? Help me, let go of the chaos around me, the devil that hounds me, I need you to tell me, Child be still.”

“Damn that girl has her voice on tonight!” A.J. commented to Nick who looked nervous as he watched.

“She’s not supposed to be moving around like that,” Nick said annoyed. “Why is she so stubborn?” Bella moved around the stage as though she had all the energy in the world.

“Let her be Nick,” Brian told his friend with sympathy.

“I didn’t know the girl had so much anger in her.” A.J. commented again.

“She has a right to sing about it tonight,” Brian said quietly and Nick looked at him with question.

“If the darkest hour, comes before the light. Where is
the light? Where is the light? If the darkest hour comes before the light, where is the light? Where is the light, where is the light? Yeah. Ave Mary A, where did you go? Where did you go? How did you know to get out of a world gone mad? Help me, help me, let go of the chaos around me. The devil that hounds me, I need you to tell me, child be still, child be still, child be still…” (Pink! Ave Mary A)

At the end of the song, Bella used everything she had in her and dropped to her knees, ignoring the sharp pain that shot up and down her sprained knee. The crowd was the loudest she ever heard. It was a bittersweet moment for her.

“I don’t think she can stand,” Nick said as he watched his girlfriend stay on her knees, her head down and breathing hard. She pushed herself up onto her hands and her legs shook as she went to stand. “Get the lights!” Nick called out and the lights were turned off and he went out onto the stage.

Bella looked up at Nick, tears streaming down her face and he put an arm under her legs and the other around her back. Without saying a word he carried her to the back and set her on the couch. Brian was already there with a bag of ice and Nick un-raveled her ace bandage before placing the ice on her swollen leg.

“Was it worth it?”Nick asked, his voice flat. Bella looked away, wiping away her tears.

“Nick we have to get out on stage in five minutes.” Brian said breaking the ice. Without saying another word, Nick stood up and walked out of the room. “It was worth it, I know,” Brian said kissing the top of her head.

“You didn’t tell him?”

“You will, when you’re ready.” Brian pulled a small smile and walked in the same direction Nick went.

An hour within the Backstreet Boys’ show, Bella had her leg wrapped back up in its immobilizer and she was taken back to her hotel room. She went right to the mini-bar and opened it up. She opened up the small bottle of vodka, opened it up and let it burn down her throat. She then opened another, sat down next to the fridge and took out a Snicker’s bar. She tore open the wrapper, and took a bite slowly chewing, chasing it away with the vodka.

By the time the Backstreet Boys reached the hotel, Bella had cleared her mini-bar, the small bottle of champagnes and vodkas. Needless to say she was more than feeling better when she had a knock on the door. Glancing at the clock, she squeezed her eyes to try to read the time. It was eleven thirty-three, maybe thirty eight. She pulled herself up to her feet, falling once because of the bulky brace and reached the door. It knocked again and without looking in the peep hole, like she was always told to do, she opened the door. She was still wearing her stage outfit, her eye liner was smeared a little and her hair was a mess.

“You didn’t answer your phone.” Nick said walking in.

“Sure come on in.”

“Where is your phone?”

“I broke it at the venue, I threw it.” She giggled and closed the door.

“Are you drunk?” Nick asked

“No. Tipsy.” She shrugged and limped over to her bed and plopped down.

“You drank all of those?” Nick asked referring to the 10 empty bottles.

“And a candy bar, I will have to work out tomorrow.” She started laughing.

“What is going on?”

“You said partying is part of the scene, so I partied.”

“By yourself?”

“Well, you were at a show.”

“Isabella, what is going on and tell me the truth!” Nick’s voice rose. “You didn’t wear your brace like you were supposed to, danced on stage, couldn’t finish the last two songs and now you’re drunk.”

“NOTHING! I want to be alone,” Bella sat up and moved close to the edge of the bed.

“Did something happen? Did I do something?”

“NO Nick, it’s not about you!” She yelled and flashbacks to right before she broke up with Nick hit her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Flashback~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“I feel like you’re fighting with me for the sake of fighting!” Nick threw his hands up in the air. He and Bella were in the kitchen fighting for what seemed like the third time that day.

“Nick maybe you need to just give me space when I ask for and stop being such a girl!”

“I can’t stand back and watch you starve yourself. I know in high school you had eating disorders, but this isn’t high school Bella!”

“I told you, I’m not! I just haven’t had an appetite.”

“Because you won’t eat, after a while you won’t have one! You think you’re going to get a contract singing if you’re anorexic!? How do you think it makes me look also?”

“This isn’t about you Nick!”

“No it’s about you, just like it always is.”

“I’m sleeping in the guest room tonight,” Bella turned on her heel and headed briskly up the stairs. Nick heard the door slam. Nick winced at the sound and took out a beer from the fridge. He popped the cap and took a long pull at the cold liquid. He left the cap on the counter and planned to leave the bottle and other’s he’d drink also on the counter for Bella to find. He knew it bothered her when he drank.

~*~*~*~*~*End Flashback*~*~*~*~*~

“Look, I just want to be alone. I’m sorry,” Bella’s
voice was calmer and softer. She placed her fingers over her eyes and rubbed them. She was exhausted and felt the tears ready to turn on.

“Alright,” Nick gave in. “See you in the morning.” His voice sounded sad as he slowly turned for the door. Bella threw herself down her bed and let the tears stream down her face and until she cried herself to sleep.

~*~*~

The next morning, Nick was stepping out of room to the hallway and was going to go make sure that Bella was awake. He knew she’d be in rough shape for how much she drank. Before he closed his door however, Kayla pulled out Bella’s suitcase from the room. Bella was behind; her hair was wet from the shower and thrown up in a messy bun. A pair of dark sunglasses covered her eyes and she moved slowly on her crutches, dressed in a pair of sweat pants and a fitted pink tee. Nick noticed she wasn’t putting any weight on her injured leg.

As she walked past Nick, Bella pulled a small smile and said “hey” barely audible but kept moving toward the direction of the elevator. Nick followed without saying a word, knowing things were still in the process of cooling off.

They made it to the lobby but went out the back doors where the busses would be to load up. As Bella reached her bus, she handed the driver her crutches and then seemed to hesitate on getting up the steps. Nick wondered just how much pain she was in. He ignored his ego and set his bag on the ground and walked over to Bella.

“Put your arm around me,” Nick whispered in her ear, his voice sweet and full of love. It almost made Bella want to cry again. Her arm went around Nick’s neck and he helped up the narrow stairs.

“Where do you want to go for the ride?” He asked at the top.

“Here’s fine,” she jolted her chin to the long seat was and Nick helped her sit down. As she struggled to lift her leg up, Nick picked it up and gently set it down on the seat. “Thanks,” she whispered and pushed her sunglasses on top of her head. Nick was surprised to see her eyes were puffy as though she’d been crying for a while and looked as though they were brimmed with tears at that moment.

“Bella,” he said softly and sat next to her.

“I’m sorry for last night,” she said looking down at her hands.

“Talk to me then, don’t shut me out.”

“Nick I’m…” her voice trailed off thinking of how she was going to tell him. “I’m just mad at myself for performing what I did last night. I’m sorry,” she bit her lip, her eyes dropping from Nick’s again because she hated lying. “I’m upset I drank, I’m upset I got upset at you, I’m…”

“Shh, don’t get worked up.” Nick pulled her into his arms. “Let me in baby,” he said sweetly kissing her cheek.


“I’m trying Nick; I’ve just learned to shut everything and everyone out for so long.”

“I know. But I’m here, I told you that and I’m trying to show you that.” Nick was careful not to raise his voice to get things worked up.
Bella only nodded her head because she couldn’t keep back the tears any longer. She couldn’t tell Nick the truth about the phone call she received last evening. He’d make her go home, get treatment; fight the long battle once more. Again putting her dreams on hold… perhaps forever.

“Do you want me to ride with you to Atlanta?” Nick was more than concerned with Bella. He wasn’t sure if she needed space or for him to be there. His eyes stayed locked on her, trying to read what was going through her mind.

“You don’t have to. I’m just over tired, didn’t sleep much last night,” she pushed the tears back with her fingers and took in a deep breath.

“I’ll be more than happy to hold you while you sleep. Besides you don’t have a phone anymore and I’ll just make the bus pull over every hour to check on you.”
Bella couldn’t help but laugh a little at what Nick just said. She nodded her head and looked at him.

“I love you,” she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and he gave a squeeze back.

“Let me just go tell the guys,” he gave her a brief kiss and stood up to exit the bus. “I’ll be right back pretty girl,” he smiled and ducked down the steps.