I hate saying goodbye. I guess I’m lucky I even get to this time. It’s not like I got to say goodbye to my mom or my dad or Makayla or Kayleigh or Spunky or anyone else I know who’s died. It always seems to happen so fast, there isn’t time. But time can make things harder too. I can’t stop thinking about it, that moment when I’m going to have to say goodbye. It’s going to suck. Still, at least I have some choice in it this time. I’ve always been the one left behind, but this time I’m the one who’s leaving.
Does that make it any easier?
I guess I’ll find out.
Monday, October 7, 2013
Week Seventy-Seven
There was a definite chill in the air. Sitting in her favorite spot at the top of the spiral staircase, Gabby shivered as the wind rushed in through the open window, whipping around her long hair and raising goosebumps on her skin. She knew she should close the wooden shutters over the window and go down to the kitchen, where a warm fire and food awaited, but she wasn’t ready just yet. If all went well, it would be her last night in England, and although she couldn’t wait to get back to sunny Florida, where she’d never have to spend another winter in a freezing cold castle, a part of her was sad to leave.
It wasn’t so much the castle she’d miss. It was the people, all the new friends they’d be leaving behind: Shaun… Liz… Lucio… In-Su… Abby… and, of course, Callum. She would miss him the most.
Not since Makayla died had Gabby had a friend close to her own age. Even Kayleigh, the second youngest in their original group on the base, had been eight years older, and she was dead now, too. Callum could never replace Makayla, but still, he and Gabby had gotten close in the eight months since she’d come to the castle. She wasn’t looking forward to leaving him.
In fact, she was dreading it so much that she’d secluded herself here so as to avoid the awkward goodbyes. She knew she could only delay the inevitable so long – in a matter of hours, it would be morning, and they would be on their way – but for now, she was content just to sit still in her special place and pretend that time had stopped, too.
But of course, Callum knew just where to find her, for her favorite spot was his special place as well, one he’d been kind enough to share with her. She wasn’t at all surprised to hear a small set of footsteps and see his familiar, ginger head coming up the stairs. “Hey,” she said, turning toward him, forcing a smile onto her face.
Callum smiled back crookedly. “Hi. I thought you might be up here.”
She shrugged a shoulder. “Where else would I be?”
He smiled again and came over to sit beside her. “What’re you doing?”
“Nothing. Just… thinking.”
“About anything in particular?”
Gabby’s first inclination was to shrug him off again, to shut down, like she had in front of almost everyone else who was left in her life after her mother’s death. She didn’t like talking about her feelings, and she hated when people tried to press her to do so, so it came as a surprise to even her when she found herself opening up to Callum. “About everything. And everyone. I’m gonna miss you guys so much,” she admitted, giving him a quick sidelong glance before she turned to look out the window again. “I’m just sick of losing people.”
“Hey, I’m not going anywhere,” said Callum lightly, trying to sound cheerful.
She looked at him sadly. “I wish you were. I wish you were coming with us.”
He sighed. “Sometimes I wish I was too.”
“Really?” she said, raising her eyebrows, as hope sprung up inside her.
“Sure, why wouldn’t I?” he replied, sounding surprised that she would assume otherwise. “I’ve never been to Florida, but I hear it’s quite lovely. Sunny skies… sandy beaches… Disney World…”
She snorted. “You know how many people go to Disney each day? It’s probably overrun with zombies… wearing Mickey Mouse ears…”
He chortled. “And zombie Mickey himself, I’d expect.”
“Don’t forget zombie Minnie,” Gabby added, giggling too.
“And zombie Cinderella…”
“Plus Prince Charming – not so charming anymore, I bet.”
“How about zombie Snow White?”
“Back from the dead – again.”
“Sleeping Beauty?”
“It sure wasn’t true love’s kiss that woke her up this time.”
They went back and forth like this for awhile, rattling off as many Disney characters as they could come up with, until Callum was cracking up too much to speak.
“What?” laughed Gabby along with him, as she watched him with amusement. He was cute when he laughed, the way his nose crinkled…
“Just… you,” said Callum, shaking his head. He heaved a sigh, catching his breath. “You’re hilarious, you know. Who knew you could still make me laugh, after everything I’ve – everything we’ve seen?”
A warm sensation worked its way through Gabby’s body, making her squirm. She shrugged off the compliment, feeling self-conscious and oddly flattered at the same time. “Well, when you’ve spent almost the entire apocalypse with guys like Nick and AJ, you learn to laugh at really inappropriate things, I guess.”
Callum chuckled again. “That’s Shaun as well. I wish I shared that same warped sense of humor.”
“Aww, you’re funny, too!” Gabby insisted. “And if you spent more time with AJ, I swear, you’d be just as warped as the rest of us real soon.”
He smiled wistfully. “I wish I could.”
“You should,” she said, and then, on sudden impulse, she reached out and grabbed his arm. “Seriously, Callum, you should! Come with us!”
He hesitated, and for a few seconds, he looked like he was actually considering it. But then he sighed and shook his head. “I want to. But I can’t.”
“Why not? Selena’s coming!”
“Yeah, but Selena… Selena’s sort of always done her own thing. She’s not accountable to anyone. I, on the other hand… I’ve got Abby to consider.”
Gabby marveled at the mature way he spoke. He was actually about a year younger than her, but sometimes he seemed so much older. Maybe it was the accent. “She could come, too! Why don’t we ask her?”
Callum cocked his head to the side, and then he shrugged. “Sure, we could,” he said slowly. “I doubt she’ll want to come, though. Her son’s body is here – not here here, like in the castle, but here in England. I can’t imagine she’ll be too keen on leaving him. But it’s worth a try, I suppose. Maybe we can convince her.”
Gabby could understand why Abby wouldn’t want to leave. It was one of the many reasons why she couldn’t wait to get back to Florida. Her mother was buried on the base, her father only a few miles from it. Even if she couldn’t see them, couldn’t touch them, it was still sort of comforting to know they were there, a few feet under the soil, where she could talk to them. She knew that was stupid – it wasn’t like they could hear her, and if they could, it was because their souls were listening from Heaven, not their rotting corpses underground. Still, she was looking forward to seeing the crudely carved cross that marked her mother’s grave in the memory garden they’d started at the base. Maybe, if Kevin was right about the zombies decomposing, she could even go visit her father’s grave again when they got back.
“C’mon!” she exclaimed, all keyed up over the idea that Callum might actually come with her. She sprang to her feet and pulled him up with her. Down the spiral staircase they raced, leaving Gabby dizzy with excitement. Both breathless, they burst into the kitchen, where Abby was cooking dinner.
“What is it?” she asked with alarm, when she caught sight of their flushed faces. “What’s happened?”
“Nothing’s wrong,” Gabby replied quickly. “We were just talking about how great it would be if… if you and Callum came with us!”
“Came with you?” Abby laughed. “What, to America?”
“Yeah! Our base there, it’s really awesome! It’s got a bowling alley and an arts and crafts center and a whole library full of books; you’d love it!”
“I’m sure I would.” Abby smiled. “It sounds lovely, dear, but it’s such a long ways away. We’ve made a home for ourselves here. I don’t know that I’m ready to leave it.”
Gabby and Callum exchanged glances.
I told you so, his seemed to say.
I know, hers sadly replied.
Abby must have seen the look of disappointment on Gabby’s face. “Of course, I’m only speaking for myself,” she added quickly. “Callum can do as he wishes… although I do hope he chooses to stay.”
Gabby saw the way she looked at Callum. It was the same look she’d seen her mother give her a million times, whenever she’d said things like, “You’re growing up too fast.” Following Abby’s gaze to Callum, Gabby watched the way his adam’s apple bobbed in his throat, as he swallowed hard. She knew then that he would not be going with her.
“I’m sorry,” he said after dinner, as they sat at the top of the tower once more. “I just can’t leave her. It would break her heart. She thinks of me as another son… and… and she’s like a mother to me.”
Gabby nodded. “I know,” she said quietly. “I get it.”
“You could stay here,” he offered, but the tone of his voice told her he already knew she would say no.
She shook her head. “I can’t, for the same reason you can’t go. I want to be with my mom, too. And Kevin... he’s kind of like what Abby is to you, like another dad or something.” It was the first time she’d said it out loud, but it was true, wasn’t it? Kevin had been there since almost the very beginning, taking care of her, making sure she was safe. Being separated from him when he left the base to look for survivors had been hard, especially after her mother died. She couldn’t imagine letting him leave without her again, nor could she imagine him letting her stay. Of course, he wasn’t her real dad; she could do what she wanted. But she didn’t want to hurt him, and she didn’t want to be left behind again.
Callum smiled tightly. “I figured. So I guess it’s goodbye for now. Hopefully not forever.”
A lump rose in Gabby’s throat. She hated saying goodbye, though it wasn’t often in this world that she even got the chance anymore. “I hope not. Maybe we’ll come back someday,” she said, though she knew it was unlikely she would ever see Callum again.
“Or maybe I can convince my group to come to you,” he replied. His freckled face looked ghostly in the moonlight that came through the window. Reaching across one of the moonbeams, he grabbed her hand and gave it a squeeze. Silently, she squeezed it back.
For a moment, she thought he might kiss her, and then she thought, Maybe I’ll kiss him. She took a tentative step toward him, pulling him toward her. They met in the middle of the moonbeam. As the pale blue light shone down upon them, bathing them both in its beauty, they drifted closer to each other. Gabby closed her eyes as their lips connected in a brief kiss.
Not since Colton had she kissed anyone, and afterwards, Gabby wondered if she ever would get the opportunity again. It was then and there that she made a promise, one she intended to keep.
“I’ll come back for you, Callum,” she whispered, as she slowly pulled away. “Someday.”
