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As time went on my relationship with the guys and Nick continued to grow. I was literally spending every day with them. I was learning so much about the business and what it takes to run a tour and I was loving every minute of it. I was also learning that being a personal assistant to four guys was not an easy task. But like I said, it was so fun. I was really proud of myself for opening up to all the guys, especially Nick. I had bonded with Brian, Leighanne and Baylee. They trusted me with Baylee a few times when they wanted to go out and I was happy to watch him. He’s a great kid and I was finally able to put some of my schooling to good use. Leighanne is a sweetheart and was always there for me when I needed a little away time from the boys. Brian is a goofball at heart and I always had a great time joking around with him. I give him a lot of credit for breaking me out of my shell because he really helped lighten the mood a lot. Howie really lived up to his nickname Sweet D. He is so caring and always makes me feel comfortable. His wife Leigh is just as great; she and I had become great shopping and sightseeing buddies which is another perk of touring the world. It’s amazing how many great places we get to go and things we get to see, when we ever get the time. AJ had become one of my best friends, besides Nick. He is always there for a shoulder to cry on, which I’ll admit has happened sometimes. It was really hard being away from home after a while and since he’s done this before he knew exactly how to make me feel better. He’s such a great listener and gives great advice, especially when it comes to Nick.

Nick and I were getting along great. I was slowly coming out my shell more and more and it was easy to be comfortable with Nick. I don’t know why but he seemed to just get me. We had so many things in common even though we had drastically different lives. But in a sense our lives were really very similar. We both had a tough childhood, messed up families and neither one of us had a good track record with relationships. Mine being that it was non-existent, his that he’d been around the block and was tired of flaky and failed relationships. We were having a great time getting know almost everything there was to know about one another and yet everyday I still seemed to find out something new about him. From the littlest thing to something more profound that I never would have thought. I’m sure he felt the same way about me. But I was starting to wonder where it was going.

There was always flirtation and it was always innocent to one degree or another but everyday it seemed to turn into a little more. And lately I was feeling like he was pushing for a little more than just friendship. Now don’t get me wrong, the thought of having some kind of relationship with Nick was more than I could hope for. But I still couldn’t understand why HE would want to be with someone like ME. I was trying so hard to give myself more credit and make myself believe that I was worth it but this wasn’t just some random guy I met in a grocery store and got swept off my feet by. This was Nick Carter from the Backstreet Boys. I had learned that who the real Nick was was different than the Nick Carter everyone knows from the Backstreet Boys. I mean of course they are one in the same and I like both parts of who he is but it was so hard for me to believe that this amazing guy that I liked actually liked me back. And maybe not just as friends. But the more I thought about it the more I realized that maybe what I was really scared of was just that. Not who he is but rather where this was going. I was just getting comfortable with my friendship with Nick and now I was faced with the prospect of it turning into something more. But what was I really afraid of? Losing my friendship with Nick or having to experience everything that comes along with a relationship. Meaning everything I had never done before. Pretty sure I was scared of both.