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Chapter 21
“Is he any better?” I shrugged. I glanced over at Howie and smiled.
“I’m sorry. No, he’s really not. I’m not sure what to do. I thought this thought implanted in his mind would make him see, but it’s not. It’s not even making a dent.”
“So, nothing has happened?” I played with my straw before I glanced over at him again. I shook my head. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.
“What about you and Terri?”
“Nothing. It’s really like we’re walking on egg shells. I miss holding my wife.”
“Well, I miss the comforting arms of my husband.”
“May I ask why you fell in love with him?” I smiled at that. I suppose in some way, Brian and I were opposites.
“The first thing I noticed about him was his eyes. And then he smiled. I was floating on cloud nine. But, it was that sweet, southern boy charm that finally captured my heart. I had never met anyone like him in my life. And I knew that this man was going to be the only one I could ever love.”
“So, if things don’t work out, there will be no one else?” I glanced down at the plate of food in front me, hungry, but not really having the strength to eat. Howie had takin’ me to lunch, figured we needed to sit down and really talk about where we went now. Inside, I was cringing at the question he was asking. I didn’t want to be alone for the rest of my life, but hell, if I didn’t have all of Brian, I really didn’t want anything. I wiped the tears away and forced a smile on my face, one that Howie saw right through.
“There’s no such thing as never. But, probably not. All I know, all I want, is Brian. It’s really an all or nothing type deal. But, you know, I’m tired of fighting. It really seems like I’ve been fighting for ages. And, I just can’t take it anymore.” Howie wrapped his arm around my shoulder, gently nudging my head to rest on his shoulder. I was grateful for friends like him. He was my pillar in getting through this. And he certainly understood, for I knew the deep love he had for his wife. And inside Terri, I knew she loved and adored Howie. Passion and lust fizzle away, but, for me and him, this passion and lust between Brian and Terri just wasn’t fizzling fast enough. I sniffled and wiped the rest of the tears away.
“What’s the next step?” Oh, I didn’t want to think about it.
“Personally, I think we need to confront our loves here. Put the question to them point blank. Either they want to work through this, or they have each other.”
“Can you do that?”
“It’s not a matter of can I do that, D, I can. Do I want to, no. But, I won’t go on playing second fiddle here, I can’t. This has takin enough of a toll on me.”
“Why is that when you think about your life, you always paint it in that rosy picture? Nothing can mess it up, you know?”
“Don’t I know. I would have loved kids. I adore them; they’re so innocent, so sweet. I know that our kids would have been spoiled! And look at the strange path my life took. Can’t have kids, has a husband who’s cheated, hit on my best friend’s husband.” He laughed at that.
“Than we went and lied to our loves.”
“It’s not like they didn’t deserve it. He still hasn’t asked. Personally, I think he’s too much of a chicken shit to ask. It’s like, he can do the deed, but heaven forbid someone looks at his wife.”
“Now, that’s a double standard.”
“You’re telling me.” I shrugged but smiled none the less. Howie truly was a great friend. And yeah, I was happy nothing happened between me and him. I think had something go on, it would even be more awkward, and I really wouldn’t have had anyone to turn to. He cupped my cheek, his gaze holding mine.
“If he does anything, says anything, I want you to call me.” I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed his cheek.
“Howie, you’re the greatest friend.”
“We started this path together, we’ll finish it together. No matter what rocky, twisty, curvy road we have to climb.”