Chapter 3 ---- If You Only Knew

December 14, 2007

 *Children’s Hospital Los Angeles*

Catherine Hedges, a beautiful young nurse, gracefully walked down the long bright hall of the Children’s Hospital Los Angeles. A small smile grazed her face. Catherine hummed silently to herself, her thoughts swimming away from her. She headed toward room 102, where she would be tending to a little girl who had just arrived from Cedar Sinai. Catherine didn’t know much about the girl. All she knew was that the little girl is only three years old and she was quickly taken out of an unsanitary home and immediately placed into intensive care, possibly a victim of child abuse and neglect. Catherine hoped the little girl would remain calm, but with the dramatic experience the little girl possibly went through, Catherine thought that was highly unlikely. Catherine didn’t know she was about to find out how strong that little girl would be.

Catherine slowly made her way to the door of room 102. She quietly slipped in and closed the door behind her. The room was cheerful and bright. Winnie the Pooh and Friends lined up the walls, stuffed animals filled the shelves, and a Scooby doo rocking chair sat in the corner by the window. ‘what a cute little room.’ Catherine thought quietly to herself. Making her way toward the bed, she grazed her fingers along the Winnie the Pooh bed spread. She pulled the rocking chair up to the bed and sat down in it. Catherine gasped, raising her right hand to her chest when the blanket moved and underneath was the little girl. She looked up at Catherine, her big chocolate brown eyes starred right through her. Her eyes were silent and calm, and her face showed no emotion. The little girl just gazed at her, her tiny hand resting comfortably at her side. Catherine finally smiled and leaned forward, slowly placing her warm hands on the little girls tiny hand. Catherine tensed up when she made contact with her; the girls hand was ice cold. Catherine gently rubbed the girls hand back and forth with her own, creating warmth for the little girl. Catherine saw the girl give her a small smile and when she did her eyes lit up. Catherine rubbed her hands for a few more minutes until the little girls hands felt warm again.

“Thank you.” The little girl whispered. Catherine almost had to strain her ears to hear her, but thank goodness she can read lips, “It’s cold in here.”

Catherine gave her a warm smile, “You’re welcome. And yes, it is cold in here,” Catherine said, standing up and putting her hands on the girls chest. “Would you like another blanky?”

 The little girl shook her head, “No thank you.” Catherine nodded. ‘Wow. No matter what this child has gone through, she sure is polite and oh so sweet.’ She thought.

“Would you like to sit up?”

 The little girl smiled and nodded, “Can you help me?”

Catherine held out her hands and smiled, “It’s what I’m here for.” Catherine chuckled, wrapping her arm around the little girls waist. She lifted her up and let her slowly fall back against the pillows. Catherine let out a quiet sigh. She sat back down and closed her eyes. Catherine wanted to cry. As she lifted the girl up, she suddenly felt a wave of sadness hit her. The girl was so tiny and fragile. Catherine knew that if she wasn’t careful, she was sure that the girl would break. The little girls blond hair fell carelessly over her shoulders, and Catherine reached forward to push it out of her face.

“What is your name?” The little girl asked.

“My name is Catherine. But people call me Cat for short.”

The girl pressed her lips together, “Cat? Like a kitty cat?” Catherine chuckled, “Yes, exactly like a kitty cat.” The girl smiled, resting her head against the pillow, “Is your name Christina?”

The girl nodded, “Yes, but my Uncle Mikey called me CJ.” “Aw really?”

She nodded, “Christina….what’s your middle name?”

CJ looked at her hands for a minute, “Juliana….” She answered in a tiny voice.

“Aw that is too cute.” Catherine gushed.

CJ shrugged, “I guess so. That’s my mommy’s name.”

“That’s your mommy’s name?”

CJ nodded, keeping her head down. “Yeah and I don’t want to talk about my mommy.” She said.

Catherine nodded, trying hard to understand why, “Okay, we don’t have to talk about your mommy then. Um…what do you like to do for fun?” Catherine asked. CJ suddenly got that look in her eyes as if she was scared of answering that question or she was finding it hard to find an answer.

“Um….I like to color….” CJ quietly answered.

“Colorings fun. I like to color too.”

“…and I like to read….” CJ continued.

Catherine raised her eyebrows, surprisingly. “You like to read?”

 CJ nodded, gazing at her, “Yeah.”

 “Who taught you how to read?”

CJ sat there in silence for a few seconds, “Well….I kind of taught myself how to read. But my uncle Mikey helped me when he could.”

“That was nice of him.” Catherine said, “What else do you like?” CJ just shrugged silently. Catherine nodded, tapping her fingers on the edge of the bed. “Do you like dollies?”

 “No.” Catherine’s eyes widened. CJ was fairly to quick to answer that question, “But I like stuffed animals. Mostly monkeys. They are cute.” She added.

Catherine laughed, “So when is your birthday?”

CJ grinned from ear to ear, “Christmas.”

Catherine gapped, “Really?? Wow, lucky you! I wish my birthday was on Christmas….”

 CJ shrugged, “It’s really nothing special.”

Catherine nodded, biting her nail, “CJ….can I ask you a question?”

 “I guess so.” She answered.

Catherine licked her lips and took a deep breath, “How come you don’t want to talk about your mommy?”

CJ stared at her, “I told you not to mention her and you bring her up anyway?” Catherine’s gaze quickly landed on the floor. She prayed CJ wouldn’t get so upset that she would start to cry. And you know how toddlers get when they start crying. “I’m sorry sweetie, I’m just curious. Can you tell me one reason and I won’t mention her again?” Catherine carefully said.

CJ sighed, her eyes still on Catherine, “She died.”

Catherine’s heart dropped, “Oh…I’m sorry.”

CJ shrugged, showing no emotion whats so ever, “It’s okay. I’m not that sad about it.” CJ flatly said. Catherine sucked in a breath ‘what in the world did her mother do to make her say something like that. Goodness….’ Catherine thought. She shook her head, shaking the thought out. She didn’t want to think much more about it. It hurt her heart too much.

“Okay sweetie, I won’t bring it up again. “CJ nodded, “So, tell me about your uncle Mikey.”

CJ lowered her eyes to the ground, “My uncle Mikey was a soldier. He was the only one that seemed to care about me. He was always away, fighting for what he believed in. He would write me all the time. When he came home he always got me a new monkey….and some other stuff.” CJ said, staring out in front of her, “He died a couple of months ago. I miss him….”

 Catherine reached forward and put her hand on CJ’s, “I know you do.” CJ sniffled and forced a small smile. Then the door slowly opened up and an older woman poked her head into the room.

“It’s almost time for lights out.” The woman said.

Catherine nodded, “Okay. We’re about done here.” The older woman smiled and left the room. “Well dear, you heard the lady. Time for bed.” Catherine said, laying CJ back down and tucking her in tightly.

 “It was nice talking with you.” CJ said sweetly, smiling up at her. Catherine smiled and kissed her head.

“It was nice. Goodnight sweetie.” Catherine got up and headed toward the door.

 “I know my daddy is out there.” Catherine stopped at the door, her hand resting on the light switch. She turned slightly, looking at her.

“What was that?”

“My daddy….he’s out there. I just know he is. My mommy kept me a secret from him. But he’s out there. Do you know where he is, Cat?”

 “No. But we’ll find him.”

 “He’s close. I can feel it. I can feel…him.” CJ whispered, falling asleep. Catherine turned the lights out and left the room. Outside in the hall, Catherine leaned up against the wall, her hand over her heart. A single tear rolled down her face, dripping quietly onto the floor.

‘That poor girl. Her mother didn’t care about her. The only person who did was killed in Iraq. She has no other family left. I hope her daddy does want her…or if even knows about her that is. I don’t want to see her in a foster home. If that happens, hell…I’ll take her. Just as long as she’s loved. She’s too sweet and precious to never love.’