IF YOU ONLY KNEW
CHAPTER 5 - I'LL ALWAYS BE THERE
December 15, 2009
She tried to stay as quiet as she possibly could, fearing if she would open her mouth for any reason, she would suffer even worse punishment than before. Hot tears spilled out of her eyes, as she tried to avoid sitting on her raw bottom for too long. She could feel the warm, stickiness of blood seeping through her freshly ripped shirt. It was smoldering hot in the house, the sweat running down her back made its home into the deep cuts and gashes across her back.
She sobbed, a little loudly than she should have. Her tiny hands flew up to her mouth, her fear rising sharply, praying no one had heard her. When she didn’t hear heavy footsteps charging down the hall and the sound of distant voices filled her ears, she lowered her hands away from her mouth in pure relief. She stood up from the bed, wincing as she did so. The pain shot through her like a bullet. She could not sit on her bottom any longer, nor could she lean against the wall. The pain from the deep gashes in her back was enough to make her cry out in pain. All she could do was stand and even that was painful. Her little heals were so worn to the bone, she could barely even wear her own shoes, but by this time, they were already too small for her in the first place.
Placing her pale weak hands on the dingy, white wall. She slowly slid down to the floor, resting on her knees. She gently rested her head on the wall and closed her eyes, crying softly. She made sure not to cry too loud. She prayed for help. She prayed someone would find her, someone who cared. She prayed to be strong and not a weak little girl that she was. She prayed for her dad. She doesn’t know her dad. She doesn’t know his name, where he lives, or even if he’s alive. But deep down something told her not to give up hope, until that day comes when she’ll be with her daddy for the first time. Everyday she would wake up in fear, waiting for what will come next, but in her heart she waits until the nightmare will be over and she’ll be saved. Everyday she listens to Gods answer and prays that she won’t be too late to hear it.
The faint sound of heavy footsteps were heard coming from the hallway. Her eyes widened in horror. She stood up, her legs jelly. She slowly slid away from the door and quickly wiped her tears away. She clenched her jaw together and stood perfectly still as the door of her bedroom swung open. A tall muscular man entered, his fist clenched tightly together. His eyes were cold as ice. She was frightened on the inside, but she never showed it on the outside, she wouldn’t dare to. She knew what was coming to her. She figured they must have heard her crying. She closed her eyes tightly, telling herself she has to be more careful. She didn’t know how much more she could take of this.
Her mother had the same four guys over every night and day. The same guys who always did her mothers dirty work and engaged in activity with her mother that she didn’t quiet understand. The guy that stood directly in front of her was a guy named Butch. She hated Butch. Butch was the worst of the four men. He was the meanest and the little girl feared him the most. He gives the most painful punishment, even when she doesn’t do anything. She knew if she moved a muscle or blinked an eye, her face would be numb for the next several days. Butch bent over, placing his hands on his knees and looking the girl in the eye.
“Hello, little one.” He sneered. She knew he wasn’t being nice. He didn’t care one bit for her, no one did, “Were you crying just now?” He asked, cocking his head to the side. The girl knew if she lied she would be brutally punished and if she told him the truth she would also be brutally punished.
Butch cleared his throat, “I’ll make you a deal, little one. If you tell me the truth, I won’t punish you today, okay? How about that?” The girl took a shaky breath. She frowned and let her gaze slip to the ground. She didn’t know if she should believe him or not. He never has let her off the hook before. She swallowed hard, lifting her gaze back up.
She nodded softly, “Yes.”
“Yes what?” Butch said calmly.
“Yes, I was crying.” She said her voice filled with tears.
“Why were you crying.” He asked calmly yet again. This was confusing to the little girl. It seemed like he was getting a softer side. But then again…she couldn’t be more wrong about that.
“My bottom hurts…..” She told him, quietly.
“Aw…it does?” She nodded, letting a tear slip. Maybe that was the wrong thing to do. She quickly wiped that single tear away before Butch saw it. But he did. His small smile faded immediately. Butch suddenly grabbed a head full of her hair. The little girl screamed in pain as he yanked her toward the door.
“You said I wouldn’t be punished today.” She cried out, holding onto his fat arm and trying to pull away. Butch howled with laughter, pulling her out into the hallway and over to another door.
“I lied little one. This is what you get for believing me.” He growled, literally dragging her toward the other door. Her eyes widened and she began to panic when she realized what door they were approaching. No matter how much pain she was in, she tried desperately to get out of his tight hold. The more she struggled the harder he pulled on her scalp.
“Please no. Not the basement. Please don’t put me in there.” The girl was terrified of the basement. Her nightmares became reality every time she is down there.
“Oh stop your whining.” Butch laughed, opening the door to the basement and throwing her in. She landed hard on the cold cement floor, near the stairs. She quickly shot up off the floor and lunged toward the door, only for Butch to swing it close and lock it.
“Please open the door! I promise I’ll behave! Please let me out! Please! I’ll be a good girl, I promise!” She cried and pleaded over and over again. But Butch, nor her mother or anyone came to let her out. She sobbed, pounding on the door like she had done numerous times in the past…………
I was startled when CJ suddenly woke up, throwing her body toward mine. I blinked a couple of times, resting my right hand on her silky blond hair, smiling down at her. She looked back at me with those big brown eyes of hers.
“Are you okay, sweetheart?” I asked her getting up from my chair and sitting on her bed, pulling her into my arms. She crawled onto my lap and snuggled up against my chest.
“Yes, daddy. I’m okay. I just had a bad dream.” She said, frowning a little. I kissed her head tenderly. Aw, my baby had a bad dream. This is all too familiar. It’s time to test my fatherly skills in the dream area.
“You did? Do you want to tell me what it was about so daddy can chase the monsters away?” I smiled against her cheek. I felt her take a deep breath.
“To be honest with you daddy……I don’t remember it.” She said in a tiny voice. I ran my fingers through her blond hair and nodded silently.
“Okay.” I answered her, kissing her rosy cheek. Holding her close to me felt natural.
“When do I get to go home?” She asked. I smiled. That is right baby. Home is where you belong. Home with me.
“In a couple of days. The nice doctors want to keep you here for awhile longer, K?” She nodded silently. Holding her tightly against me, I stood up from the bed and placed her back in bed. Slipping my shoes off, I slipped underneath the covers with her. I pulled her back to me, wrapping my arms tightly around her.
“You know what I thought when I woke up?” She whispered.
“What was that?” I whispered back.
“That I’ll never be alone again. That I can wake up every day and know that you’ll be there, and I won’t be scared.” She told me. I closed my eyes, letting her sweet words seep into my ears.
“I’ll always be here. When ever you get scared for any reason, just say the word and I’ll be here.“ I whispered in her ear. She grabbed my right hand and placed it firmly over her heart. The sound of her beautiful heart beat drifted me off to sleep.