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Chapter Three

After the guys left Nicks room, they headed to the chapel. None of them were ready to leave the hospital even though they were no longer allowed in Nick's room for the rest of the night. The four guys sat on the hard wooden pew of the front row and silently began their prayers.

"Dear God, please help my brother Nick. He has cancer and is going to have his arm amputated in the morning. We do not know what is going to happen, how he will recover and we are scared. Please send your angels next to his side during the operation. He is so young and has a full life ahead of himself. Heavenly Father hear my prayer and bless Nick with your grace." Brian prayed silently his head bowed.

During dinner he had put on his face that would look happy. He and Nick were Frick and Frack. He was there for Nick and had to be brave when all he really felt like he wanted to do was to run screaming. He was so angry for Nick. He felt disloyal to God for his anger but he still had his faith and he prayed it would be enough.

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I sat back silently as I watched the guys pray for Nick. I knew that all of us were scared. Kevin had lost his own father to cancer but was acting brave for the benefit of Nick. Brian was sweating bullets but was trying to hide it as best as he could. He was the best friend, he had to stay calm in the situation. Howie, the peacemaker the sweet one of us all kept chewing on his lower lip. I swear the guy was going to have to stay away from salsa for a while.

As for myself, I had no idea what to say or what to do. I'm not a guy big on my emotions but Nick was my kid brother. He was the annoying blond who got on my nerves but who I loved to death. It was hurting me seeing what he was going through. I was struggling with myself. My throat burned for a drink, my lungs were begging me for a cig.

I drummed my finger tips against my thighs, my eyes shut. It would be so easy for me, so easy for me to sink back into my old habits. I could let the smooth, fiery liquid slid down my throat and sooth my raging thirst. I could almost taste the vodka, the whisky or even the beer.

When I took a deep breath slowly, I could almost picture myself taking a nice long drag from a cig. I could almost fill the smoke filling my lungs and relaxing me.

"AJ?" Howie's voice broke into my thoughts.

I opened my eyes glancing at him.

"Kevin decided that he is going to spend the night in the waiting room. I think Brian and I are going to as well. Do you want to join us?"

I rubbed the back of my sore neck, shaking off my dangerous thoughts.

"Yeah, I think I will stay too." I answered him. I had to stay, I had to be there for Nick but I also had to be there for myself. I knew that if I were to go home, I would fall back into the old dangerous patterns that had nearly claimed my life.

We walked into the waiting room settling down for the night. None of us were going to be able to sleep so we all talked quietly about what was going to happen.

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Early the next morning, Nick was awoken by the nurse. He looked around frantically. He and the nurse were the only ones in the room.

"Where are my friends?" Nick asked her nervously.

"I asked them wait out in the hall until I am done taking your vitals and prepping you."

Nick breathed out. He was glad he wasn't alone and that the others had kept their promise.

The nurse gently took his blood pressure and his temperature. Nick could feel his heart racing. He knew each second led him closer to his surgery, led him closer to waking up without his arm.

He kept wishing that it was just a bad dream, that he would wake up in his hotel room and that it would be fading from his memory and he would be fine, hanging out with the guys, getting ready for a concert, having dinner with AJ.

He kept staring at his arm, the red irritated skin, the swollen ness due to the tumors. Slowly he wiggled his fingers, it would be the last time he would be able to do that. Tears stung his eyes again.

"Would you like some tissue?" The nurse asked him kindly.

He silently shook his head. He couldn't even be embarrassed.

"Hey there angel." Lil J said coming into his room. She bent and kissed his cheek.

"It's almost time." Nick said, his voice horse from crying and holding the tears in as best as he could.

She slid her hand down into his, Nick's hand shook, it was it. The last time he could do this.

"Please AJ!" He suddenly begged. "Please get me out of here! Don't let them rip me apart." He begged his eyes wild, tears spilling down his face.

She took both of his hands into hers. She kissed them tenderly.

"You have to get well darling, you can't let the cancer win." She said trying to sooth him. All she wanted to do was to cry herself.

"Come on Nicky. Calm down now. Ssshhh just relax you don't want to make yourself sick now sshhh." She ran her fingers through his hair.

Nick trembled hard. He broke down into hard sobs.

"I'm scared AJ, I am so scared." He sobbed his face in her chest.

AJ couldn't help it the tears began to spill. She held Nick close to her rocking him as his body raked with sobs. She looked up as the guys entered alarmed. Her eyes met Kevin's first. She saw his green eyes tearing from seeing them.

"Please take me home." Nick begged the guys.

"God Nick, we would if we could, we will take you home, just as soon as you start to get better," Kevin said moving forward.

The tears were now falling down his face. All of them were crying. They had done their best to be as strong as they could but they knew that this was a dangerous situation. Life was changing for them all.

The nurse came back in with the doctor.

"We are ready to take you down Nick. This is doctor Spencer, he is going to give you your anesthesia.

"NO! BRIAN PLEASE DON'T LET THEM PLEASE! I DON'T WANT MY ARM CUT OFF I DON'T WANT CANCER. PLEASE TAKE ME HOME!" Nick screamed. His heart felt like it was going to explode.

Doctor Spencer injected the anesthesia into Nicks IV.

"AJ, AJ please." Nick begged reaching out for her.

She didn't bother to wipe her tears. She took his hand.

"I'm sorry Nick, I am so sorry. I love you." She said as his eyes fluttered and the medicine took him over.

They walked with him as he was wheeled down, at the double doors, Doctor Spencer faced them.

"We will come get you in a few hours." Then he disappeared behind Nick.

AJ turned towards Kevin, she laid her face into his chest and cried as if though she would never be able to stop.