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Chapter 38

AJ glanced up as the door to the room opened, almost ready to jump back from Kris but frowning as he saw a rain soaked Nick. But after just a moment, he stood u, his eyes trying to look around Nick.

“Where is she?”

“Gone.”

“Bull shit Carter!” AJ stalked over to Nick and shoved him but Nick grabbed his arms.

“She left AJ!” AJ stopped fighting and then took a step back.

“Where did she go?”

“I don’t know.”

“Nick, don’t you dare lie to me!”

“I’m not AJ! I don’t know. She wouldn’t tell me!”

“You talked to her Carter?”

“She needed a friend man. Someone she could confide in, seeing as her fiancé was doing one crappy ass job!” AJ slumped his shoulders, not understanding why his stomach was twisting at the thought of her gone. He knew he loved her, but this feeling wasn’t just that, it was like a relief. And that kind of scared him.

AJ sat down in the nearest chair, his hands running over his legs as he collected his thoughts. This seemed so unlike his Resa. She hardly left without telling him something. But, looking back over everything, he wasn’t sure he had any right to blame her. After all, he was he one who kept hurting her. He glanced up as he felt someone touch his arm and he looked up at Kris.

“Excuse me, I need a smoke.” AJ stood up and left the room. He took out his smokes and quickly lit one as he stepped outside and grabbed his phone, staring at the picture of him and her on his background. He sighed and sent her a text, half praying that she responded. But something within him told him she wouldn’t. If she didn’t tell Nick then she wasn’t going to tell him.

He sat down on the steps, his mind going over everything. Yeah, he flirted a bit with Kris but he hadn’t ignored her. In fact, he hung out with Resa even more, wanting to make sure she knew that she was loved, and wanted. The only time he hadn’t been with her, had been the after parties, but that was her doing, not his. He sighed, running his free hand over his face. Hell, he could be here all night trying to figure out what happened.

Although, she hadn’t left him; she simply left the tour. Ah hell, maybe it was for the better; maybe they did need this time apart to figure where they stood. Then why did his heart hurt?

“AJ?”

“Yeah?” AJ glanced to his right and stared at the man sitting next to him.

“Nick told me about Resa. Are you ok?”

“Honestly D, I don’t know. I don’t even know how this all came to be. I thought things were good.”

“AJ, you have thought that for a while. But it’s not the truth. Look, you can admit, since Kris has come back in the picture, things between you and Resa are on a very bad rock.” AJ nodded his head and then paused.

“You talked to her too?”

“Yeah, I did.”

“What the hell, my fiancé can talk to everyone but me? I thought we were supposed to be supporting each other here?”

“People who live in glass houses, AJ, should not be throwing stones.” AJ hung his head and put out his cigarette, not really having touched it.

“You know, I hate that expression.”

“You hate it cause it applies to you.”

“Whatever. So, what do I do?” Howie shrugged, his mind asking and answering that same question.

“I think that you take this time and really think AJ. Do you really love her enough to marry her or do you love someone else?”

“I don’t want to throw all those years away though.”

“Honestly man, that’s not even important and deep down you know that. If she makes you happy and your heart longs for her, then you keep going and you get married.” AJ just stared out into the darkness, neither one voicing the rest of D’s thought. And AJ knew D was right. Thinking of the time together should not bear factor in how he was currently feeling about their upcoming marriage.

“Oh D, how in the world did I get mixed up in this?” AJ hung his head, feeling D place his hand on his shoulder.

“You don’t really want me to answer that, do you?” AJ had to actually chuckle at that.

“My heart does hurt.”

“I know man. You do love her. She is your Resa, has been for quite a while. But, you do know the difference from being in love with someone and just loving someone.” Howie stood up, glanced at AJ and then left him alone with that thought.

AJ licked his lips and then leaned his elbows back on the steps behind him. Did he really know the difference? He thought he did, he often thought he was in love…no, now he was thinking of lies. He loved Resa dearly and deeply; but he was never in love. He shook his head; another voice that had been quiet for so many years was softly starting to speak up.

And as he thought about it, he really couldn’t believe that thought. How funny did it sound that one guy, with two types of personality’s loved two different women? Now, even for AJ that sounded way beyond horrible. But, it did sorta make sense.

Kris had been around when Alex as all he was. Simple, goofy, dorky, but she loved him. And he loved her. And yet Theresa was that rock side, the tattooed and spoken personality that fit quite perfectly with AJ. And as that thought formed and developed more in his mind, and the more it made sense, the more he realized how that must of hurt Resa. Alex was a side that no one ever saw and yet, Kris was always getting it. If he couldn’t be comfortable with his fiancé enough to show hat very cherished side, what exactly did that mean for their future?