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Chapter 50

“Are you gonna drink that?” Resa blinked a couple of times and finally glanced down at the drink Howie had put in front of her twenty minutes ago. She didn’t want it, but he had said she was gonna need it. She wasn’t quite sure what the liquor was gonna do. It wasn’t like she could just forget that whole scene, nor forget the emotions that went along with it. Her whole world had just crumpled and some damn drink was supposed to help her? Not bloody likely!

“I’m numb Howie.” He sat his own bottle of beer down and moved to her side of the bench, wrapping his arms around her shoulders.

“And you’re going to be sweetie. That was right out of left field.” She actually laughed as she shook her head.

“No, it wasn’t. Everyone knew it. It was a mistake to forgive him. He broke my heart and that’s what I have to show for it.” She shook her head. “That…us was ugly.”

“What do you mean?"

“Our relationship; AJ and mine. We wanted to be loved, wanted to feel whole and complete and what did we do? We forced it.” Howie tilted his head and watched her, lifting her chip up.

“Did you force it?” She wanted to lie but her eyes told the truth. She loved that man, but she loved him enough to put his happiness first. Want an amazing woman she was to be able to do that.

“In a way I did I guess. I wanted him, and I looked past the signs that I never should have. I was a fool.” Howie rubbed her arm and rested his head on hers. He didn’t think of her as a fool. Yes, she might have made mistakes, but so did AJ and you can’t lay all the blame on one person. If AJ wasn’t all that happy, he never should have put that ring on her finger. “Is it wrong that I’m picturing what my life would have been like if Kris never walked back into AJ’s life?”

“Not at all. But you ran into a problem if you think that. Kris would have been your maid of honor, which means he would have had her back in his life. Now, them sleeping together might not have happened. But, it’s quite possible that them falling in love would have happened. And it could have been way worse, because you could have already been married.”

She sighed, agreeing with him. And that road would have been way more horrible. Again, it wasn’t like this was all very shocking to her. Maybe she should have ended it earlier, when eh put the ring on her finger. Oh, she knew then that his whole heart wasn’t behind it, but she loved him enough to over look that. Maybe she even felt that she could love him enough for the both of them. And how many times did that blow up in someone’s face? Why should her relationship be any different? No real reason, so once again, she sighed.

“Thank you Howie, for trying to make things better here.”

“That’s what you think I was trying to do? Resa, there is no making it better. Only time is gonna help with this road. And you can bet that it’s gonna be way more harsh than you know. This,” he waved his hand at the table and the drinks, “this was to help you ease your mind for the night.”

“This was supposed to do that?”

“Well more than one drink was supposed to do that.” Resa smiled at Howie.

“Thank you for trying at least.”

“No worries.” Resa slide out of the booth and Howie frowned. “Where are you going Resa?”

“To think. Right now, I just wanna be alone. It’s nothing against you D. You have been an amazing friend and I thank you.” She leaned over and kissed his cheek. She waved and then turned around; quickly hailing a cab and having it take her to the pier.

-----
She leaned against the bars as she watched the sun finally set. With those dying rays, she felt like she had lost all the warmth in her life. Not just today, but really forever. Her heart was AJ’s and right now, she just couldn’t imagine loving anyone as much as she loved him.

She sighed and bowed her head, the tears starting to finally escape. How in the world had she really gotten to this spot? She was supposed to have her happy ever after with the man who was more like…and she paused, her thoughts hitting once more into a brick wall. She really had known it all along; she just really refused to see it, or really speak about it. If it was out in the open like that, then it was only gonna bring it out more and make it more real.

But how many times has she said that AJ and Alex were two different people? That the real man inside was Alex and that Alex was just a man she didn’t get to see? Didn’t get to spend time with? And would most certainly never see now?

She sat down and wiped her face. When you looked at the two of them, Kris and Alex, they fit so perfectly. They were friends, yes, but as a couple, they were stunning. She was light and he was dark; she was short, he was tall; and together, they were always smiling. Who wouldn’t want to be around that?

She rested her arm on the bench and leaned her head back, watching the first few stars appear. She watched them for a while, letting her mind drift back to a night that someone poured his heart out and once more, she felt the tears. Part of her wanted to wail and punch him. And yet, part of her knew that she could do the same thing to herself. After all, she knew deep down, that when she came back, things just weren’t right. And yet she stayed.

Did she stay because she really wanted AJ? No one could deny that there were feelings between Alex and Kris, even she could see that. So why did she stay? Was it be cause she really loved that man or was it because she wanted to hurt him, or them, like she was hurting? And if that was the case, then in the long run, she really was only hurting herself.

She rubbed her face and closed her eyes, wishing with all her heart that she didn’t have to deal with this. Well, in all truth, AJ did it. It wasn’t like she was really going to fight for him; what would be the point behind that? They loved each other and wanted to be with each other. Only a cold, heartless bitch would try to fight; and that was not her. So, that left her alone. Crap, she knew that she should have packed her things at the house.
She grabbed her phone, glad she had a friend who could go pack up her clothes, and anything else and hit send, dropping her head and letting out all her feelings.

-----
AJ glanced at his watch, figuring that Resa had gotten her own room, and who could blame her? But, he could admit, he was worried. She hadn’t answered his text, and again, he wouldn’t blame her, but he at least hoped she would respond.

He finally called the front desk and asked for Theresa Lambe’s room, and after a few minutes of talking to the manager and throwing his weight around, he finally found out she never got a room. He thanked the guy and hung up, glancing at Kris.

“I’m gonna check with D.” Kris nodded, the circles showing under her eyes as well, showing that they were both worried. AJ hurried out and knocked on D’s door, silently praying that Resa was there. But as he talked to D, he sighed, hearing that Resa wasn’t there either.

“She didn’t get her own room AJ?”

“No, I already checked.” AJ chewed on his lip, trying to think of where Resa could possibly have stayed.