It was officially the beginning of the “Lyrics in the Attic” tour. Everyone had already arrived, was arriving or would be arriving within the next twelve hours. When the tour was not on everyone was scattered to the four corners of the country. Lucy and Amelia had been the first people to arrive, followed closely by AJ and Howie. Kevin and Brian coming on the Red Eye the following evening and Nick was en route as they went about their day. Crew members were showing up left and right, everyone finding each other and greeting their old friends. New crew members were taken under Kestin Kale’s protective tour manager’s wings and shown around. The performers, aside from the boys, such as the backup singers and band trickled in one by one to their giant shared suit.

            Amelia felt her nervous energy ebb and the excited energy of a new tour flow through her. A tour always got her blood going. Especially a tour with all of her friends. With her years in the music industry she had made plenty of friends, but none so dear as those on the Backstreet tours. Aside from that, the Backstreet tours were what had made her a success. If not for Brian asking her to fill in for a couple of months, she would have never gotten as far as she did. She wasn’t exactly a commodity in the industry when she started out. Like anything else, when just beginning, you got the crappy job, and that’s what she had. She’d moved up through the ranks with hard work, but a lot depended on who you knew and what you were willing to do with it. But either way she would have been happy. It didn’t matter if she was managing stage for Backstreet Boys or the next big flop, she still would have given it her all.

            As each person came in the realization that AJ would be arriving, or had arrived already was no longer percolating, but brought to full strength brew. She knew that sooner or later, sooner probably, that she and AJ were going to come face to face and she would have to explain. So she knew that it was going to be difficult. It was going to be hard. And she really was not looking forward to it. She was looking forward to seeing AJ, just not facing the rotten thing she’d done in not calling him for the past six months.

            She knew it would be difficult and she knew he would be hurt. AJ was by all means a sensitive person. He took things deeply and personally, even if he didn’t always show it to the world. Knowing that much about him, she should have been a better friend.

            She had tried to call him, many times. She’d picked up the phone, dialed his number and hung up before she had even hit SEND. She’d done that about a million times, fully intending to call him and explain herself. But she didn’t. Six hours became six days, and six days became six weeks, and six weeks became six months without any contact. Each day it became easier not to call. She convinced herself that he would be angry with her and not want to talk to her. Each voicemail she received was sadder than the last, he wasn’t angry, he just missed her.

            What had she been afraid of? She’d known him for five years, what was it that he could have possibly said that she couldn’t handle? What was she worried about? Hadn’t she had hundreds and thousands of conversations with him before? Hadn’t they kept in constant and close touch whenever either one was not around? So what was the problem?

            At first she was afraid of being caught off guard. The small things he did that caused her to stop and stare at him or forget to speak. She was afraid that she would falter when she heard the tones of his voice or the gentle laughter that let her know he was smiling. That she would forget herself and blurt it all out. Blurt out the secret she had been so carefully guarding all of these years. She had always been susceptible to the small changes in his expression, his voice, the way he walked or moved around her. The smallest thing would cause her to lose her concentration and catch herself just staring at him.

            There was also the other issue. She was afraid, as more time went by, that he had found someone. She was afraid that AJ would eventually find a girl worthy of his affections (it certainly would not be Amelia, who couldn’t do him the courtesy to call once in six months) and fall in love with her. Amelia did not know what she would do if that happened. Her entire world might crash around her and all of her friends from the Backstreet tours would probably never had seen her again. She would not put herself in the position where she had to watch AJ love someone else, it would be too painful.

            But that call never came through. AJ was just as single at the end of the six months as he was at the beginning. He had nothing on the horizon and no prospects at a worthy date.

            Now she had to deal with the dumb decision she had made.

            The call came in, the one Amelia had been hoping and dreading. AJ and Howie were in the hotel. Lucy was on the phone, grinning as she talked to Howie and stared at Amelia.

            “Of course dahling, we’ll be there. Right back atcha babe, bye bye.” Lucy snapped her phone shut.

            “We’re meeting them for lunch at one o’clock. That means you got one hour to pretty yourself up for Mr. Right,” Lucy said as she pointed her phone at Amelia. Amelia felt her stomach go all butterflish.

            “Don’t give me that look. Besides, I saved you a really awkward situation. AJ was just gonna pop in here, but I got Howie to talk him out of it. And by the way, talking about eighth grade notes about who likes who, I’m getting sick and tired of being you and AJ’s middlewoman. So from now on, you do yous messages yo’self!” Lucy tossed her phone on the bed and went to the closet to get her bag out.

            “He was gonna come here?” Amelia asked, twirling a piece of hair nervously around her finger.

            “Yes he was deary, but he’s not going to now. What do you think of this skirt, okay?” Lucy held up a skirt to her slim frame and turned to Amelia who ignored her.

            “Was he upset?”

            “Ugh, you are useless,” Lucy tossed the skirt into the bag and turned back to her friend.

            “He thought that you were mad at him for something he did or said. However, Howie told AJ what I told him, and now he thinks that you were busy, that’s why you ignored him. And quite honestly I think he bought it. So as long as you stick to that story, I think you’ll be fine. What about these, too dressy?” Lucy held out a pair of pants and still Amelia ignored her.

            “So he’s not mad?”

            “Amelia, answer me about the pants first!” Amelia looked at the pants and nodded.

            “Yeah, too dressy. So he’s not mad at me?”

            “No, he’s not mad at you. He’s worried that you were mad at him, but Howie convinced him. How about this skirt?” Lucy held up another skirt, shorter this time in a light blue denim.

            “Better. Howie talked him out of coming?”

            “Yeah, he did. This top with it?” Amelia considered the outfit and nodded.

            “Good, I thought so too.” Lucy went to the bathroom to shower and change and left Amelia with her thoughts.

            She was slumped on the couch, not wanting to bother with getting dressed when she knew that she was just going to be uncomfortable no matter what she put on. She was going to have lunch with the man that she loved and couldn’t tell him.

            There was a knock on the door. Her heart froze, then she remembered what Lucy said and realized that the only person that knew where they were was Kestin, the tour manager and that she could deal with. Pulling herself up off the couch, not willingly, she went to the door, pulling up her jeans as she went. There was another knock on the door before she got there.

            “All right, I’m coming, I’m coming,” she muttered as she yanked open the door. Her heart stopped. One beat, two beats, three beats gone. AJ was framed in the doorway. Her heart started again.

            “I just wanted to make sure you were not mad at me. Howie said you weren’t, but I wanted to make sure,” AJ said softly, watching her. She still hadn’t said anything.

            “You are mad at me. I said or did something didn’t I?” He was terrified. She knew it, she hated to see him that way. She didn’t want to see him that way. She stepped up to him and wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him into her body. She was home.

            “I, am such, a bitch,” she said softly, feeling his arms close around her.

            “I am so sorry AJ, I am a fucking idiot.” He hugged her tighter and sighed in relief.

            “I thought you were so mad at me,” he replied quietly.

            “Aja, no, no no no, no Aja, I was just being stupid, so freaking stupid. I am so glad to see you,” he grinned at her nickname for him. He knew things were all right.

            “You want to come in?” she asked, not ready to let him go.

            “Yeah, I do,” but he did not let go either. She let the hug linger a little longer but knew that it was not a good idea to been seen hugging AJ in the hallway of a hotel at the beginning of a new tour. She had enough problems without dodging questions from the photographers. She did not want to end up plastered all over the tabloids, and she did not want AJ to have to deal with the questions either.

            Reluctantly she let him go and pulled him inside the room and closed the door. She took a hold of his hand and led him in towards the living room to go sit down, but he stopped. She looked back when she realized that he wasn’t following her.

            “Come on Aja,” she laughed slightly, but the look on his face made the smile drop off of hers. His face looked serious, sad, as if he had been thinking about something that had him really worried. She stepped back up to him, placing a hand on his shoulder and looking up into his face.

            “What’s wrong kid?” she asked and his brown eyes had never looked so sad. She felt like she was looking into the sad eyes of a little kicked puppy and she hated it. He closed his eyes as if he were struggling not to cry.

            “Amelia, I,” he started then stopped, shaking his head.

            “Aja, what’s wrong, you look like you’ve been worrying a problem to death sweetie.” He looked up and away from her for a moment, sighed and returned to her gaze. She rubbed his shoulder gently and squeezed it.

            They stood this way for a few silent minutes and Amelia was terrified that something had happened. Maybe he had used and was trying to tell her. She remembered their conversations in which he had feared he might use when he desperately didn’t want to. He was scared to death he would let down his mom, his friends, her, if he made that kind of mistake.

            Then he did something so unexpected that Amelia was completely caught off guard. He leaned down, clasped her head between his hands and kissed her. She did not know whether she should pull away or move towards him. She did not know what he was saying to her, whether this was something to get away from what he really wanted to tell her or if it was a confirmation of the feelings that she had for him. She didn’t want to get lost in the kiss without knowing what it was about, but she couldn’t help it.

            It was such a soft, innocent kiss, just his lips pressed against hers, his hands gently cradling her face as he leaned down to kiss her. She cursed herself for being so short, how was she supposed to kiss a man more than a foot taller than herself? He acted as though he were reading her mind and rectified the problem immediately. He let go of her face and gathered her up in his arms, lifting her clear off the floor in one smooth motion, holding her tiny frame against his own.

            “Hey Meals, we should, oh, oh, sorry!” Lucy was coming out of the bedroom when she saw Amelia and AJ, quickly dodging back into the room to give them their privacy. Silently she jumped up and down cheering for both of her friends, but she really didn’t want to butt in on their first kiss.

            “Uh, I guess Lucy saw us,” AJ’s lips broke away and she looked into his eyes, letting him know she was confused.

            “I guess since it is her room, I should have expected that she would be around,” AJ spoke, but he still didn’t let her go.

            “And considering that these are my lips, I think you ought to expect that I ask why you kissed them,” Amelia replied with a slight smirk. He chuckled and finally put her down, though he kept his arms around her.

            “I figured you might want to know about that, I guess we should, sit down and talk,” AJ replied, still laughing a bit nervously, but he didn’t move.

            “I’m just gonna get out of here, leave you two, to, I’m just gonna go,” Lucy put a hand up to shield the view as she quickly dashed from the bedroom to the door.

            “Shall we sit down?” Amelia asked, once Lucy was gone.

            “Uh, yeah, I think we should.” AJ finally let her go but she took his hand and led him to the couch where they both sat down. She held his hand in both of hers and looked at his fingers linked with hers.

            “What’s wrong Aja? What are you trying to tell me?” Amelia asked softly. He was quiet for a moment and then looked at her.

            “This is gonna sound kinda corny, I know it is,” his cheeks flushed slightly and he shook his head.

            “No, it won’t. No matter what it is, I won’t laugh, I promise,” she assured him. He closed his eyes for a moment and wondered about what to say next. He stood up and began to pace.

            “Do you remember the day we met?” he asked, continuing to pace.

            “Of course I do,” she smiled at him.

            “I think about that day a lot,” he replied.

            “So do I.”

            “And do you remember what happened that day?”

            “I’m not sure I follow,” she replied with some confusion.

            “I remember, when we met, you were wearing this blue tank top, and your hair was down, curly and soft down around your shoulders. But it was rainy that day, and you got cold so you put on this red sweater, it had these really big white buttons on it. It was way too big for you and just about the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen, but you looked so beautiful in it. I remember wondering how it was possible for anyone to make a sweater that ugly, look so beautiful.” He continued to pace but she laughed in spite of the story.

“You’re right, that is an ugly sweater,” she said softly with a smile. He was too nervous to smile so he continued.

“Then later, when we went to lunch, you sat down next to me. I was so nervous that I’d say something stupid and you’d forever think I was a dork. But you were laughing and talking to me like you’d known me forever within a few minutes.”

“And that was a big thing for me Aja, you ask Lucy and Leighanne, I never trusted men, none that I met right away. It even took me a while to get used to Brian,” Amelia explained.

“Leigh’s mentioned that a few times. Anyways, during a story, you flung your arm out, hit me in the face and a button came flying off the sleeve and landed in my soup. I gave it back to you and you set it next to your plate, while you blushed the color of your sweater, but you forgot it. When we left, I saw it there, and grabbed it. It’s been in my wallet ever since.” Here he took out his wallet and pulled out the button. He held it out for her to see.

            “Why would you save a button?” She asked, taking the button from his hands and examining it for herself. She held it up and squinted as she looked through the buttonhole at him.

            “For the same reason you won’t get rid of that sweater, no matter how pilly it gets, how much it stretches out,” AJ replied as she dropped the button back into his palm.

            “Cause it’s comfortable?” She asked, shrugging her shoulders. He began to pace again, putting the button back into his wallet behind pictures of him and Amy in a photo booth.

            “No, not the word I was looking for, though I guess that could work too.”

            “Now I got something to tell you,” he said, not bothering to look at her. She pulled her legs up under her and sat crossed legged on the couch as he paced before her.

            “What?”

            “Well, it’s kinda hard.”

            “Aja, you know, no matter what, I won’t laugh at you, I swear,” she replied.

            “Then try this.” He finally stopped pacing and looked at her, suddenly staring into her eyes so hard that she felt her eyes burning to blink.

            “I’m in love with you. Have been since the first day we met and I’ve been living with the secret for these last five years.” She kept her promise and did not laugh at him. Her heart began to pound heavily in rhythm to his resumed pacing. She felt as if her chest cavity would burst she was swelling with so much feeling.

            “I know it sounds crazy and I’m nuts, but I can’t help it. And I just couldn’t let the opportunity pass me by. And I was afraid that while you were gone you had found somebody to be with and maybe you did that because I had done something to push you away,” he rambled on for about a minute before Amy interrupted him.

            “Aja,” she said softly, placing a hand on his wrist.

            “What?” he asked pathetically, finally turning to look at her.

“You want to know why I’ve been acting all weird and not answering your phone calls? Why I’ve been treating the way I do and ignoring you?” she asked.

“Why?”

“Cause for the last five years I’ve been trying to stay away from you. Cause it was too hard to be that near you all the time and not say the one thing that has always been on my mind since the day I met you,” she looked at him, nervous this time and he saw that she was scared.

“What Amy? What couldn’t you say to me?”

“That I was in love with you too.” They both looked at one another. It was a serious moment for them and then out of nowhere they both collapsed into a fit of laughing. Amelia fell over on the couch and clutched her sides as she guffawed while AJ was trying to remain standing as he tried to breathe. His knees gave out and he didn’t fight it, rolling on the floor amidst shrill peels of laughter.

            After a few moments they both calmed down and AJ took a seat on the couch next to her.

            “So, now what do we do?” she asked.

            “I’m not sure, but, it’s real nice, knowing that I didn’t make a complete fool out of myself,” he chuckled, looking over at her.

            “You didn’t make a fool of yourself. It was very sweet,” Amelia leaned into him and took his hand in both of hers again.

            “I was so nervous, I was really afraid,” he replied timidly. She turned to him and took his face in her hands.

            “You don’t ever have to feel that way again. Never sweetie.” His brown eyes even though full of relief contained a bit of fear. She wanted to make it go away. She never wanted to see that in his eyes, not if she could do something about it.

            “That’s good to know.” The sadness was beginning to ebb away and she kissed him this time. She slid her arms around his neck and this time and they were both ready for it. Their lips fit together exactly like she always thought they should and it felt so wonderful to kiss him like this.

            He reciprocated and it was if a thousand years that had been building were falling away. The kiss reignited everything that had been burning for the last five years and he remembered the reasons why he had risked coming here like a fool and saying what he just did. Her tongue sparked against his own and he nearly came undone. The girl of his dreams had become the girl of his reality and here he was holding her and kissing her as he had always imagined.

            The nights he had dreamed about this, the number of times Howie had to smack him and wake him up from a day dream, the times he had walked into things when he was staring at her, all leading up to this moment. This moment that was more than perfect. This moment was everything he could have hoped for. This moment was being ruined by the shrill ringing of his cell phone.

            He fumbled for his pocket while not pulling away from Amelia and took out the cell phone, tossing it across the room. It landed with a soft thud on the carpet by the door. The ringing went away and Amelia’s hands were tugging at the hem of his shirt when the ringing stopped.

            She pressed her hands under his shirt and slid her fingers up and along his spine, making him tremble. He broke his lips away from hers and trailed his lips down her jaw bone. She was peeling his shirt off and over his head when the phone went off again.

            “Ignore it,” Amelia said as she threw the shirt over the back of the couch. She came back to him and they were kissing again, her hands touching every inch of his back, but the phone would not stop ringing.

            “Grrr,” Amelia groaned as AJ stood up and picked up the phone off the floor. She fell back against the couch, running her fingers through her hair as she watched AJ flip open his phone.

            “Whatya want?” he grumbled as he pushed the speaker phone.

            “Stop making out with your girlfriend and come join us for lunch,” Howie replied jovially.

            “Luce!” AJ snapped.

            “Sorry sweetie, I couldn’t help it!” Lucy chimed in from the background.

            “Thanks Lucy, really appreciate it.”

            “Like I didn’t know what you were up to already. Come on, you and the girlfriend can get to know each other better tonight. We’re having lunch and then Kevin and Brian will be here.”

            “And Leighanne will be here in a bit. Meals, Leigh, and I are going out, so you and the boys get to babysit Baylee.” Lucy piped in. Meals wanted to groan but she didn’t. She knew how much Leighanne looked forward to time with the girls, especially since she’d had Baylee. Amelia could not turn down a night out with her two best friends.

            “Okay, we’ll be down in a minute.”

            “None of that quickie business AJ, you make sure that girl gets what she’s been waiting for, and that is not a five minute session!” Lucy crowed and Amelia blushed a furious scarlet. AJ snapped the phone shut and shook his head as his own face flushed.

            “I can’t believe that shit,” Amelia said with her eyes closed and her hands covering her face. She felt AJ sit down beside her.

            “Hey, don’t let them do that to you. You’re not ashamed of us, right?” AJ was close to her and looking into her eyes.

            “Of course not. I’m not ashamed of you.”

            “Then let her talk her big mouth. Let Howie flap his gums, but remember that the only people that matter are us. I know you and we’ll be whatever we want to be. And we’ll keep this, between us. Cause I have a feeling we’re gonna get a lot more of that and I don’t want you to be scared off.” Amelia knew that his words were well founded. Lucy mouthed off about things that Amelia thought should have been kept private. Her sex life was her own business and Lucy would not be getting those details.

            “Okay,” Amelia replied.

            “Then I guess we should get down there before they call again.” AJ grabbed his shirt up from the floor and tugged it back on over his head. Amelia watched him for a moment, ran her fingers through her hair one more time and stood.

            “We’re there, aren’t we AJ?” she asked softly. He looked at her as he was walking towards her.

            “Always have been.”

AJ waited in the living room while Amelia changed and allowed himself to smile at what had happened. She emerged few minutes later and he dutifully took her hand and led her out to the hallway.

            Amelia had never felt more sure of any situation she had ever been in. She knew that everything was right, she was happy and nothing was going to get in the way of it this time. Only last night she had been worrying about how she was going to last however long it was before she got up the nerve to tell AJ what she had been feeling. Now she was in his arms and he’d been the one to break the news that he was feeling the same way. If she’d only known how good this felt before she wouldn’t have hesitated to say something to him.

            As they walked to the elevator they ran into a few of the stage crew that welcomed them back but did not mention that they were holding hands. It was odd to think about it now, but this was what they had always done. He had always held her hand, they were always close to one another. Unless someone saw them kissing, they were not exactly going to know what had happened. She knew that AJ was taking things slow because he knew that as soon as the news was on Lucy’s lips it was bound to be around the tour in mere moments. A musical tour was basically a traveling high school. Gossip was food for the masses as there was little else to do between rehearsals, shows and traveling. Who was dating who, the latest rumors, who was fighting with who, conflicts, drama and anything else to create a bit of interest on the dull bus rides.

            As soon as the elevator doors closed he pulled her in close to him and sighed deeply. It felt so good to be so near to him and be like this with him. It was a gorgeous thing to her, love like this. Reciprocated love, mutually returned and longed for. For once in her life she had gotten what she wanted and hell be damned if she was going to let anyone ruin it for her.

            “Just like I always wanted,” he said softly. She laughed and smiled at him. The elevator came to rest at the first floor and they were out, holding hands like they always would.

            “Just remember, Lucy is gonna be an ass. Howie too, don’t let them get to you,” AJ gently reminded her. He didn’t have to. Amelia knew what Lucy was like.

            “And just remember this, I love you.”  He whispered this to her just as they entered the restaurant and saw Howie and Lucy stand up. She gripped his hand tighter in her own and smiled.