One week left. As much as I love my job and as much as I love touring... in the end all I want to do is be in a familiar place longer than twelve hours. Sleep in my own bed. To actually be in a timezone where it wasn't the next day. Not to mention, to be able to see Cayla again. The past month was one of the longest months I ever had to endure.
I hated to admit it, but Cayla had almost been distant whenever I called and there was no mistakening the emotion that filled her voice when she spoke. I would try to question her about it, but much to my displeasure, she was always quick to change the subject. Maybe I was reading too much into it, and I suppose she was dealing with our separation in her own way, but I couldn't help worrying about her. Especially if I wasn't there physically to assure she was okay.
"Hey, Aje. Counting down the days, aren't you?" A voice broke through my thoughts, causing me to jump. Looking up, I saw it was Howie smiling with amusement and I scowled.
"Like you don't when you're apart from Leigh."
"You've always known this about me," Howie merely shrugged as he sauntered into the room. The grin never left his face for a second.
"Why do you have that look on your face?"
"What look?"
"You know damn well what look."
"It's just nice to see you on this side for a change," Howie sat down at the table next to me. "You miss her. There's nothing wrong with that."
"God, you say that as if I'm constantly trying to hole myself up in my hotel room while I cry my eyes out over a box of bon bons and a sappy romance chick flick," I scowled at him and almost immediately felt the warmth of an embarrassing crimson creeping into my cheeks. Shit, yes, I missed Cayla more than anyone could possibly understand, but the bon bons and chicks... a man has to draw his lines and somewhere. I had enough problems as it was. Having my sexuality questioned in the meantime wasn't something I cared to entertain.
"Oh, calm down. I'm not questioning your manliness or whatever is making you so defensive. There's nothing wrong with missing your girlfriend," Howie rolled his eyes, handing me a can of soda and opening a bottle of water for himself.
"Then, fine, yes. I fucking miss her, okay? There, I said it."
"Was that so hard?" he laughed.
"Just don't let Nick hear... he'd never let me live that down."
"After all these years, he still knows how to push your buttons-"
"I wouldn't talk. Stealth D," I snickered, quoting Nick from our Diary series on MTV back during Never Gone. Anything to keep the subject off me missing Cayla.
"Nick speaks through his ass a good majority of the time. You and I both know this. I, however, have learned not to let him bother me nearly as much as he used to."
"Yeah, yeah," I muttered, quickly drinking half of my soda with a sigh as the bubbles tickled the back of my throat. "I really just want this week to be over. Y'know? As much as I love performing..."
"So then you're going back out to see her?"
"As of right now, yes, unless she gets her promotion. If that happens, she'll be coming out here for two weeks."
"You haven't mentioned anything about her coming out here-"
"I didn't want to until I knew for sure that she was going to get the promotion. Besides, we've been kind of busy, haven't we?" I replied, playing with the tab of my soda can.
"Is there something you aren't telling me?"
"It's nothing."
"Alex, c'mon."
"The media makes Cayla nervous, and as you know... they follow us more back home than they would if I was in Minnesota," I took a long drink of soda. "She knows it comes with the territory, but it's still hard for someone like her. I don't want it to scare her away."
"But why couldn't you even tell us she might be coming out here?"
"I didn't want to end up disappointed and embarrassed if it didn't work out that way."
"You sure that's it?"
"It's happened before, I just didn't want to go through that again. She should be having her review any day now, though."
"When's the last time you talked to her?"
"Two nights ago. She's been working overtime, and with our shows, I told her I'd call when she's done with work tonight."
"The job is still dragging her down?"
"She won't admit it, but I know it is. I try to get her to quit, but she just plain refuses."
"The woman's been independent since her parents died. You can't make her change her mind."
"I know, I know," I sighed, fighting against the strong urge to roll my eyes.
"And besides, do you really think it's a smart move to try to convince her to quit her job at such an early stage in her relationship with you? You need to be careful with that. She may not take it lightly-"
"Howie, I know. But you should see her eyes when she comes back from that Hellhole. She looks so tired and worn-out. I hate seeing her like that, and I can even hear it in her voice. It kills me."
"But you also can't make her do something she doesn't want to do."
"I know. I've left the topic alone for awhile now. I just hope this promotion helps," I sighed as I finished my soda.
"She'll be alright, J."
"You think so?"
"I don't know everything, but be good to her and she'll be fine."
"I'm doing my best."
"Then she'll be fine," Howie promised as my cell phone began to play Times Like These and I jumped. Cayla! Howie took this as a sign and stood up. "She's calling you early. Tell her I'll text her later."
Ignoring Howie, I turned my back to him and quickly brought the phone up to my ear. "Cays!"
"Hey, Baby! Guess what," she actually gushed. Now this was the Cayla I missed hearing on the phone and I smiled.
"How about... you tell me so I don't have to guess?"
"No! That takes all the fun out of it, you cheater."
"You asking me to guess is you playing on my inability to guess well," I teased her. "It's great to hear you smiling, Cays. You're happy. What's it all about?"
"I had my review today."
"...You got the promotion?"
"Yes! I am officially WSI!"
"Are you fucking kidding me?" I shouted louder than I'd originally meant to as I jumped up from my seat and immediately began to pace the room.
"No, I'm not!" she laughed, and I could still hear her smiling along with some chuckles in the background. "Sorry, the girls heard you shouting."
"You have company?" I paused briefly.
"I'm at work, goofball, on my last break for the night."
"Right, I knew that," I chuckled sheepishly.
"I love you," she laughed, then I heard a chorus of 'aww's and I couldn't help but laugh as she chastised them.
"Baby, they just think it's cute."
"You should see them though. They're honestly making fun of me right now-"
I could hear the disagreements immediately rise in volume in the background, to which Cayla sighed in annoyance. "Hey, they're just jealous," I kept chuckling.
"I don't need you encouraging them," Cayla groaned while her co-workers laughed.
"It could be worse."
"How?"
"I don't know. I was trying to make you feel better."
"A for effort, Alex."
"Yeah, I know. So... are you going to come visit me in LA?"
"Don't go getting excited, Alex. I just got the promotion-"
"But the vacation benefits happen immediately, right?"
"Well yes, but I need the request approved and if too many people ask for that same time off, I won't be able-"
"I'm not trying to pressure you, Cays," I barely sighed when I noticed the slight snapping in her tone.
"Alex, I know. I'm happy for this promotion, too. I've been waiting for it since last year. I just want to be careful when asking for time off so it will for sure be approved."
"Then go... ask now!" I pouted.
"Alex, I swear you're going to be the death of me."
"I want to see you."
"I know. And I want to see you."
"Then you should be putting in that request as we speak."
"You're spoiled. You know that, right?"
"Only if that means you're putting in that request."
"For a week. Then, when you come to visit, I'll use the other week."
"When are you coming? Everyone's going to be thrilled. Howie already knows and-"
"You didn't even know if I was getting the promotion!"
"Yes I did."
"How?"
"Because I'm that damn good."
"Alexander!"
"Why does it matter if Howie knows?"
"I didn't want anyone to know until knew for sure," I heard her sigh.
"I'm sorry, Baby, I didn't think about it when I told him. Does it help if I only told him maybe ten minutes ago?"
"What am I going to do with you?"
"Love me?"
"Of course-"
"And not murder me for blabbing your secret-"
"Now you're pushing it."
"Have you put in your request yet?"
"I just placed it on my supervisor's desk."
"Really?"
"Alex, do you want an answer to that?"
"...No. When will you find out it's approved?"
"Maybe as soon as tomorrow. But, there's a stipulation. I will let you know when she gets back to me. I don't want texts every three hours asking if it's been approved yet. Alright?"
"Well, shit. Suppose I will have to erase the texts I had waiting to send..."
"Alexander!"
"I was joking, Cays!"
"You are going to be the death of me."
"I love you," I merely crooned with a grin. "I'll start singing for you if you don't believe me."
"Alex! If anyone heard you on my phone-"
"Don't worry. I save the singing for when you're wrapped in my arms."
Silence began to accumulate on the other line and I waited for several moments for Cayla to speak, but all I could hear was her soft breathing. "Babe, what's wrong?"
"You're making me miss you even more," she sniffled lightly and I sighed.
"It won't be long until we see each other again. I know it's hard. It certainly hasn't been an easy month, has it?"
"Not particularly..."
"Same on my end. But we're getting through it. Right?"
"Right."
"Soon you'll be packed and heading out to LA to see me. Then I'll come see you in Minnesota until it's time to record the next album."
"And you're sure the others will be okay with that? Management?"
"As long as we don't have any prescheduled business obligations to attend, then they have no say."
"I just don't want to cause any drama."
"If any kind of drama, it will be from either Jennifer or Nick. Not you. Okay?"
"Those two are just plain trouble," Cayla laughed and I had to smile.
"To think I used to galavant with them wherever we were until I met you."
"Be nice."
"I am being nice."
"Just behave yourself until I am able to get out there."
"And just how long am I going to have to wait?"
"I put in the request for Friday to next Friday. Then I can stay the whole weekend and leave Sunday with time to go back to work on Monday."
"That's too long."
"Alex, it's Monday!"
"It's too long!" I pouted.
"How old are you?"
"Twenty-nine going on nine!"
"More like five."
"But Cays-"
"Alex, you're just going to have to wait until Friday. I need that long to find a good deal on plane tickets not to mention other things."
"I will buy you the plane ticket. Seriously, give me half an hour-"
"Even if you do that, you would still need to wait until Friday for me to get there."
"I could get you a red-eye flight for Thursday-"
"Are you seriously going to buy me a plane ticket?"
"Are you seriously going to let me buy you a plane ticket?" I countered, not expecting any consideration for my offer.
"I am capable of buying my own-" she started to counter.
"That's not answering my question, Cayla."
"...You're able to get a red-eye at a reasonable price so I can pay you back?"
"You're not going to pay me back."
"Yes-"
"No, you won't because I won't let you. Just leave the flight details to me, okay?"
"Do you have any idea how hard this is for me?"
"I may not personally know, but I know it's hard for you. And this is the first step you have to take. It's alright to depend on someone else, Babe."
"But I don't need to depend on anyone else. I do just fine on my own. That's just the thing that you don't seem to get."
"Cayla," I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "It's normal to be independent. To an extent. When you're in a relationship... it's okay to get support, assistance, whatever. I'm doing this because I love you, I miss you, and I want to see you."
"Then be a bit more understanding that it's hard for me to accept that kind of help."
"I will try harder, if you try harder to accept my help."
"Alright."
"Hey, come on," I forced a laugh, though a smile was still on my face. "You're coming to see me!"
"I know."
"Don't sound so thrilled all of a sudden."
"You know I'm happy to be seeing you. It's just been a long day... a long weekend... Hell, it's been a long month."
"God, tell me about it."
"But we do what we have to do to get by. And when it gets rough, that's when the auto pilot kicks in. I think I've been in auto pilot mode for the past month."
"Me too," I admitted, and it was true. My performances were alright, but nowhere near the energy I usually have. You go through the motions, smile when told, sing when told, sign whatever is thrust into your hands, take pictures... after awhile, you stop and wonder what the Hell you did the past week.
"I would think you were used to that by now," I realized Cayla was laughing and it was also that exact moment that I realized I had spoken my thoughts outloud.
"I really need to work on the whole not thinking outloud," I snorted, glaring though she couldn't see me doing so. Glad she found me that humorous.
"It's adorable, because you don't realize you are doing it."
"Yeah, well I'm glad you find it adorable because I always feel like an ass when I get caught doing so."
"I'm sure you're not the only one who does that," Cayla snorted.
"You know, if you were here right now... you'd be getting it."
"Oh really?"
"Yes."
"Bring it-"
"Cayla! Break's over," a voice interrupted and I frowned.
"Duty calls, huh?" I sighed.
"Unfortunately... I'm sorry, Baby."
"It's okay, you have to work. I need to find you a flight for Thursday night anyway."
"Are you sure-"
"Cayla! No more arguing! Now get to work!"
"Oh, now you want to get rid of me," she huffed.
"You know I don't. But I also know you don't want to be late from break. Am I right?"
"...Maybe."
"Cayla. Go. I'll call you once you're done for the night and let you know the details of your flight."
"I suppose."
"I love you, Cays."
"I love you too, Alex."
"Try and have a good night. I'll talk to you in a couple of hours."
"Bye-"
The call ended abruptly and I was left guessing that one her coworkers had hung up for her, at least that was the assumption towards the echoing of sudden laughter in the background before it was terminated. Grunting as I slipped my phone back into my pocket, I turned to go find where the others had disappeared to when I found myself running smack into the middle of a solid form.
"Sonofabitch!"
"Why you calling my mom a bitch for? It's not like I don't already know that she is-"
"Nick!"
"What? I didn't do anything, you ran into me!"
"You're always in the wrong place at the wrong time," I muttered, rubbing my shoulder that had whacked against Nick's chest. When the Hell did he get so tall, anyway?
"Maybe if you pulled your head out of your ass long enough to watch where you were going-"
"You can be such a jerk," I shook my head, giving him a wide berth as I went to find Howie and Brian.
"Hey! What are you doing?"
"Like you really want to know."
"Well, since you put it that way, then no-"
"Just shut up," I growled as I walked into the living room of the penthouse we were staying in for the next two nights. There I found Brian and Howie, lounging on the couches in their pajamas watching a movie.
"Hey, J. What's up?" Brian replied.
"Trying to get away from this parasite," I motioned back over my shoulder towards Nick.
"You ran into me, asshole!"
"Nick, don't you have some WOW to play?" Howie groaned at the sound of Nick's whiny tone. Even after all these years, he still managed to whine like a five year old-
"I do not whine!"
Whoops. Guess I thought that outloud.
"Nice one, J," Brian was sure to snicker.
"Kiss my ass," Nick sulked.
"I don't have time to waste talking to that," I sat at the small table behind the couch and turned on my laptop.
"You had me thinking differently when you ran into me," Nick continued to sulk and he even went so far as to offer a tiny pout.
"Okay, Nick, that was gay."
"It was not!" he exclaimed as Brian busted out laughing and I couldn't help but smirk. I pulled up a website I used often when it came to purchasing plane tickets while Nick continued to whine and protest about his sexuality.
"Y'know what fuckers? I kissed a girl and I liked it!" Nick suddenly burst.
"Yeah, thanks for the assurance, Katy Perry," I rolled my eyes, clicking on appropriate dates and times.
"You're so hot and cold, AJ-"
"You're going to be dead and gone if you don't shut up."
"Cry me a river, Senorita-"
"Let the bodies hit the floor," I snapped, standing up and nearly knocking over the chair.
"It's my party and I'll cry if I want to, cry if I want to cry if I want to!" Brian interrupted up as he jumped to his feet. Stomping several times what looked like a freakish tap dance attempt, he twirled once and sat back down as if he hadn't moved in the first place.
"What...the...?" Nick and I drawled in unison.
"I take it back, Nick. What you did wasn't gay," I finally broke the confused silence. "What BRIAN did was gay."
"I'm not gay," Brian mumured. "Momma says I'm special."
"Your momma also calls you a duck-"
"I'm her baby duck, and it's a term of endearment, ass-"
"J, weren't you going to buy plane tickets for someone?" Howie interrupted.
"Why the Hell would you be buying plane tickets?" Nick snorted.
"It's for Cayla, you moron," I replied, going back to work on my laptop.
"She's coming back to me-"
"Yes, she's coming back to you. When the last time we talked about you... she said she couldn't understand why your perverse nature was so attractive to women and that all you do is think with the head between your legs, as tiny as it might be."
"You fucking liar-"
"You're right, I added the tiny part."
"Wait, J, how would you know whether Nick was tiny or not?" Howie questioned.
"Do you really want to know? Because I'll tell the tale of the time I walked in on Nick and that trashy Paris Hilton trying to have a threesome with a midget-"
"It wasn't a midget you jackass, it was vertically challenged-"
"You mean it's TRUE?"
"...Damnit, J!"
"Mission accomplished," I chuckled as Nick was overwhelmed with questions by Brian and Howie.
"I am pleading the damn fifth!"
"You should have done that a long time ago," Brian replied as Howie continued to interrogate Nick while he slid into the chair next to me. "So, she got that promotion, huh?"
"She sure did," I found myself grinning.
"That's great," Brian enthused, clapping me on the back. "How long is she staying here?"
"She asked off this Friday to next Friday. They aren't working weekends at the moment, so she'll stay until Sunday and go back to work Monday. Then I'm going out to Minnesota a couple of days later to spend some time with her until management decides... whatever."
"You've got this all planned out huh?"
"Yeah. I just want to show her that a long distance relationship can work. You and Leighanne got through it. Kevin and Kristin. Howie and Leigh. I know we can make it, but sometimes she doubts herself."
"Don't let her doubt herself then," Brian encouraged. "Show her there's no reason to."
"I'm doing everything I can," I answered, clicking a few more times and smiled when I received a confirmation email. I forwarded all the information to Cayla's email address. "I know being with each other for longer than a week helps her a lot."
"So you give her the time of her life while she is out here and she won't be able to find a reason to doubt."
"That's what I plan on doing. She really needs this vacation, Bri. That whole week I was there, she still had to work and every night she came back so downtrodden. I hate that she has to work there."
"She's worked there because it pays the bills, no matter how hard it is on her. This country is going through some rough times."
"I understand that. Doesn't mean I have to like it though."
"Of course you don't. And it doesn't mean she has to like what you do for a living. But, we all have to do what we have to do."
"You sound like a Hallmark card or something. Maybe even a fortune cookie."
"A fortune cookie would probably be capable of giving you better advice than I seem to be giving right now," Brian scowled.
"Nah, man. I know what you mean," I chuckled, standing up and leaning backwards. A soft series of cracks went up my back and I grinned when Brian made another face, this one of disgust. He hated it when I cracked my back.
"So, is there something you're not telling?" Brian hesitated, cocking a brow in my direction. "Because you have that look on your face and-"
"Well, I did just let one rip since I had those chili dogs..."
"You're disgusting..."
"And yet you still love me," I continued to grin, closing up my laptop and heading towards my room to kill some time before Cayla was done with work.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Again, big thanks to those who help me get unstuck with each chapter. It means a lot. =]
