Lexie woke with a start and sat straight up in bed. Her dark hair settled around her shoulders as she stared around the room to get her bearings. She looked over at the clock, which said it was four in the morning.

That makes it seven in Orlando. . .

She reached across the great expanse of bed and picked up the phone. She didn't hesitate when she dialed Nick's cell phone. She had to call him twice before he picked up.

"Hello?" He mumbled.

"Nick?" He heard her soft, unsure voice.

"Lex? Yeah, it's me. What time is it?" He groaned as he rolled onto his back.

"I won't do the interview, Nick. I won't."

"Huh? What? What happened? Last night you said everything went fine." Nick spoke, trying to get himself orientated.

"It's not fine, Nick! It's not!" She began to cry. "I can't, Nick, I can't."

"Baby, shhhh, it's okay. Honey, don't cry. Tell me what happened? What happened with Victoria?" He asked, but she couldn't answer. "Tell me what happened."

"She wanted to talk about the baby. I thought I could do it, Nick, but I can't!" Lexie sobbed.

Nick sat up in bed, brushing his loose hair from his face. The drapes were still drawn in his hotel room, but in the distance he could hear Brian moving around. He reached for the alarm clock and brought it close so he could read it.

What time is it? God, it's four in the morning out there!

Nick waited and not only listened to her sob, but also listened to his own heart breaking. He should be there with her when she woke up, not here in this hotel suite 3,000 miles away!

He continued to wait, soothing her the best he could. It seemed like forever until she was reduced to erratic hiccups and sniffles.

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to, baby. I don't care about this interview if you're going to be hurt." He tried to soothe her.

"What do I say if they call back?" Lexie's voice was thick with panic.

"Tell them you changed your mind. You don't have to do this, Lexie. I swear, I don't want you to get hurt by this." He insisted.

"I miss you so much." She groaned.

"Oh, baby, I miss you, too." He moaned in reply. "I love you, hon, I love you." That only served to send her further into her tears and he had to wait for her to recover again before he could utter another word. "Lexie?"

"I'm so sorry. I swore I wouldn't do this to you. . ." She hiccupped.

"No, Lex, you can do whatever you need to." He said firmly, trying to reassure her. "Lexie, tell me what happened between last night and now? It's early there. Did you have a bad dream?"

More like a nightmare. . .

They had all turned on her. Everyone she knew and loved accused her of being heartless, of being cruel, of being a bad mother. They blamed her for the baby's death. She had tried to defend herself, but when Nick turned on her, she couldn't stand it and suddenly woke from the horror.

"Yes." She confessed quietly.

"Tell me."

"I. . .can't."

"Lexie, tell me." His insistence was followed by a long silence. "I love you, Lexie. Tell me."

"You. . ."

"What?"

"You blamed me for the baby's death. . .everyone did. . ." She cried quietly.

"Lex, you know that's not true." Nick let out the breath he was holding. "It was an accident. Everyone knows it wasn't your fault. I should have made them videotape your testimony. You should have never been there."

"It wasn't your fault, Nick!" She protested, coming to his defense.

"It's nobody's fault, Lexie." He finally admitted quietly. "God knows I've tried to blame a lot of people, but it just happened."

Another long pause followed his statement and then he heard a timid, "Nick?"

"Yes, honey?" He drew his knees up to his chest and leaned against the headboard of the hotel bed.

"Are you angry that I've never been to the baby's grave?" She quietly asked.

"No." He answered honesty. "I understand. I haven't really been to my father's since the funeral. I understand that some times moving forward is more important."

"Am I running away from it?"

"I can't answer that for you, Lex." He sighed. Nick always realized, even if it was just in the back of his mind, that this day would come. "I wonder sometimes if you've dealt with everything properly . . ."

"I know." She quietly confessed to him.

"Lexie, you don't have to do anything you don't want to."

"I know." She swallowed hard to keep from crying again. He was saying everything she wanted and needed to hear. He always did.

"I love you, no matter what. Not distance, not time." He whispered.

Her voice matched his in the softest whisper, "I promise."

Although she wanted to go back to sleep, Lexie's day began after she hung up from Nick. All of those feelings and the visions from her dreams wouldn't let her sleep. The images of her family and the people she loved most in the whole world snarling at her frightened her more than anything ever had in her life.

Lexie only knew the name of the cemetery. She knew that Nick's grandparents and father were buried there as well. The baby was with them. That had given her a certain amount of. . . what? Happiness? Comfort? A part of Lexie wanted to believe that was why she never felt the urge to go and visit the grave, but another part knew it was a lie. A part of her knew the truth, even if she couldn't put her feelings into words.

So, she drove. Lexie drove to the L.A. cemetery, although she had never been there. She parked the black Porsche and walked the grassy field for hours.

She also didn't know where the family plot was, so she roamed the huge city cemetery in search of Nick's family plot. She found it, and it wasn't anything like she thought.

They weren't in the ground. The Carter family plot was an entire mausoleum and most of the vaults were empty.

Most of the Carters there she didn't recognize. She had actually never met Nick's father, but they hadn't known each other when he died. She thought she vaguely remembered her father saying something about it once, but she wasn't sure.

She read the few family names, one by one, until she saw hers.

Her hand flew to cover her mouth as she read hers and Nick's names over and over.

She and Nick were parents. They had a baby. And Lexie missed her. Missed her with all her heart. It didn't matter what had happened. It only mattered that she was gone. Lexie's future with her was gone as well.

All the feelings she had when she was pregnant came rushing back to her, and she stumbled until her back was pressed up against the opposite wall of cold marble.

She and Nick had had all those talks about naming her. They had planned and hoped so much for the baby, their families, and their future. Things had been bad, with both Howie and AJ rejecting her as she chose to live her life with Nick. He and Lexie, though, had so much together. They had the nursery and a sister for CJ. The baby was a symbol of their love, even if it had come to them by accident. Then again, were there really such things as accidents?

Regardless, it was all gone. The future. The past. The hopes. The dreams. All gone.

Lexie missed it.

And Lexie hated herself. Her feelings of guilt for never visiting may not have had words, but they had a face. AJ. AJ had abandoned her, and she had abandoned her daughter. She had abandoned Nick and CJ as well.

Lexie knew why she hadn't been to the grave. As time passed, she felt she had done the same thing to the baby that AJ had done to her. Abandoned her. And just like AJ, Lexie couldn't find her way back. Until now. Until right this moment, and this moment wasn't going to leave her alone.

She sank to the ground, pulled her knees to her chest, and sobbed her heart out.

Alone.

"Honey, are you okay?" She heard a distant, but familiar voice ask as a hand lay on her shoulder. Lexie's head snapped up when she realized she wasn't alone. "Turn that goddamn thing off!" Victoria Winslow snarled over her shoulder, and then Lexie looked beyond her and saw the cameraman.

"NO!" Lexie screamed, rushing to get to her feet. She shoved her way past Vicki and her camera crew and ran to her car.

"Lexie, wait!" Vicki called after her as she ran across the plush grass. She nearly ran into Lexie as they reached the car seconds apart. Lexie fumbled with the car keys. "Lexie, wait! Please, you can't drive!" Vicki reached and snatched the keys from Lexie's trembling hands.

"Give me my damn keys back!" Lexie spat at her.

"You're in no condition to drive, honey." Vicki gasped, trying to catch her breath.

"Give them back! What the hell are you doing here? Are you following me? I thought you were reputable, but you're just some kind of hack, aren't you?!" Lexie screamed, trying to snatch back her keys.

"No!" Vicki yelled back and then she threw them over the car as far as she could.

"You bitch! How the hell am I suppose to get home!?" Lexie screamed, running after the keys. Vicki ran after her, grabbing her arm, and pulling Lexie down into the grass.

"Lexie, listen to me. I didn't know you were here, I swear. We just came to get some pictures, do a little background, that's it! I swear." Lexie fell forward into the older woman's arms and sobbed into her shoulder. "My god. . .you poor child."

Vicki rocked Lexie in her arms, waving the camera crew away. She was warm and comforting as Lexie sat nestled in her arms. She smelled of green grass and light sage. Vicki's summer sweater bunched under Lexie's cheek and scratched at her face.

What am I doing?! Lexie suddenly pushed her away and scrambled to get to her feet.

"Just leave me alone!" Lexie sobbed as she wandered around desperately looking for the thrown keys. Vicki scrambled after her, following her and trying to talk to her.

"Lexie, please listen to me. Let me call someone for you."

"Who? Who are you going to call? Everyone is gone, well there is Nick's mother, she'd just fuckin' love to help me out!" Lexie yelled, still searching wildly for her car keys.

"Then let me help you." Vicki finally stopped trying to keep up with Lexie and stood stock-still.

"You?! You showed up at my baby's grave with a goddamn camera crew!" Lexie spat at her.

"It was for some pictures and background work, nothing more. Lexie, I had no idea you were going to be here. Last night you said you would never come here."

Lexie fell still and silent as the two women stood there captured in the moment.

"I came."

"I know."

"I don't know why."

"I know."

"I had this dream. Last night." Lexie began quietly. "Everyone blamed me for her death. Everyone, even Nick."

"It was just a dream. It wasn't real."

"No, but it felt so real." Lexie groaned.

"I know."

"It's not true."

"No, it's not. It was an accident." Vicki answered quietly, and then she held her hand out to Lexie. Lexie hesitated.

"I have to find my car keys." She sighed with a little smile.

"They are right here. Those were mine." Vicki smiled back, pulling Lexie's keys out of her sweater pocket by the fob. "I'll have the guys look for them. It's a rental car any ways." She shrugged.

"You are a hack, aren't you?" Lexie chuckled with a shake of her head.

Vicki rolled her eyes and shrugged her shoulders. "Yeah, but I'm a hack with a couple of Pulitzers."

Victoria woke Sunday morning in the guestroom of Nick Carter's L.A. mansion. She and Lexie had spent the rest of the afternoon in a little dive restaurant talking. Vicki was concerned about Lexie, so she didn't leave her side as Lexie talked. She talked about everything.

She talked about her mother, her absent father, and her other father, Howie Dorough. She spoke of her life and her love for Nick.

At first, Vicki considered Nick and Lexie's relationship the typical Hollywood story. Older man, younger woman. . .but Nick had called her several times that day, and Vicki could hear the love in her voice and knew without a doubt, it came from him as well.

Everywhere in the house she roamed, she saw tokens of their love. She could also tell that this wasn't their 'home' and that the one in Tampa sounded like just what they needed.

"Can I get you anything?" Lexie's voice broke Vicki's reverie as she stood on the main veranda and looked out over the pool.

"Some coffee?"

"I can do that." Lexie nodded as she turned to go back inside. "Uh. . . Vicki?"

"Yes, Lexie?"

"Thank you."

"No problem, sweetheart. No problem." Vicki smiled back at her.

Lexie had been afraid all night that she had talked too much. Victoria Winslow had better things to do than listen to her being pathetic. Lexie had told Nick that she agreed to the interview after all. Nick and Lexie had stayed on the phone until early in the morning. Lexie told him about everything she had learned about herself and reassured him that she was okay.

He had his concerns about the interview, but Vicki hadn't asked about CJ or Christine or even much about Nick's new album, either. She had only wanted to know about Lexie.

"Where are the coffee cups?" Vicki asked as Lexie watched her come into the kitchen.

"Right here." Lexie said, opening the cupboard over the coffee pot and handing one to her.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry. I just feel like I've kept you away from your job with my sob story." Lexie sighed.

"Oh, no, not at all!" Vicki chuckled as she gave the young woman a one-armed hug. "I'm genuinely concerned about you Lexie. I don't think you should have been alone last night. I just wanted to help. My husband says I should have been a social worker, not a journalist. I want to tell your story, Lexie, because it's more important than you think."

"Why do you say that?"

"Lexie, you're only 24 years old and look at all you've been through. Look at what you have taken on with your relationship with Nick and his daughter. You've lost your baby, and you almost lost your father over being pregnant by Nick. People need to hear your story, Lexie. People need to know that they can survive bad things. Just like you."

"I said I'd do the interview, but you still haven't told me why you want to do this so badly. I mean, you're right about all that stuff, but let's face it. I'm really perceived as Nick Carter's trophy wife, not to mention it's all really shocking because I'm AJ McLean's daughter, his former band mate and best friend."

Vicki paused and mulled over her answer.

"My little sister had the same kind of life as you do, and Lexie, no one told her story. No one told about when she married my father's best friend, no one told about when she lost his baby in a car accident, and no one really cared when she killed herself afterwards." Vicki sighed. "I don't give a rat's ass about all that anti-involvement crap they give us in journalism school. It's all personal, Lex, every goddamn minute of it."

"You don't need me to tell your sister's story."

"No, but you need me to tell yours."

"How much did it cost you this time?" Leah asked as she and Howie watched AJ, Nick, and Brian leave with the children.

"Nick wants the last week of the month off."

"And?"

"AJ had me hire Kevin to produce that jazz number I told you about."

"And?"

"Brian wants better food in the cafeteria."

"Better food in the cafeteria?"

"I refused that one." Howie chuckled as they walked through the house. He caught her arm as she passed him on her way to the kitchen. He gently touched the whitening curls of her blonde hair.

"I need to go to the salon." She chuckled embarrassingly, trying to pull away.

"Don't pull away." He whispered huskily, pulling her close for a kiss. "I will always love you, Leah. Always." Howie pressed his full lips to hers, then felt her melt against him as he gently slipped past her lips.

"You can still do that to me." She whispered, her eyes still closed.

"It's nothing compared to what you do for me. Let's go upstairs." Howie sighed close to her ear. "Let me show you why I sent the kids away in the first place.

Trysts at lunch weren't enough any more, and Howie had taken advantage of Nick and AJ's friendship plenty of times on the weekends to get time alone for her. Months had gone by when she had supported him through his long hours at work and while the work hadn't let up, he was finding more time with her. He knew he simply had to in order to keep her. He couldn't live without her.

Her slim body writhed passionately under him as he took his pleasure of her. She responded no differently than when they first met, but with more skill and practice as she roused him well. Shared love and passion hung in the air all day until the afternoon when the children returned with their caregivers.

It had been another beautiful Sunday spent in her arms with the slim hope they would have one last child together. If not, it was still time well spent.

"So, how was your day?" Lexie asked Nick as she cradled the phone between her ear and her shoulder, balancing a plate of food as she walked to the den.

"Wild! Took the kids to the water park. Had fun." Nick smiled as he heard her munch her way through the house. "You feeling better?"

"Yeah, I am. Thank you, honey." She sighed with a smile, settling down in the chair at the desk.

"I'm glad. I just wish I could be there." He sighed.

"I know. There is nothing more I want than to have you here. But we only have to get through the next four weeks. It's a good thing this is my last week at the auction house."

"Actually, it's only three weeks. I got the last week of the month off and I'm coming home early!"

"Really?! Oh Nick, that's great. God, I miss you so much!" Lexie gasped.

"I know, I miss you, too." He groaned. "Where's CJ?"

"She's playing outside with Shawna from next door."

"Can you go get her?"

"Oh, she's at Shawna's house outside. She's not here. She should be home in an hour, I'll have her call you." Lexie said.

"Good, I want to talk to her. It's been ages."

"She had a good time with Cook's granddaughter. They went to the beach for the day on Saturday."

"Maybe we'll make a beach bunny out of her yet." Nick chuckled. "She's too much of a city kid. She's like her mother that way."

"Oh?"

"Forget I mentioned it."

"No, Nick, it's okay. Her mother didn't like the water?"

"No, she didn't. She was your typical model type. Not outdoorsy at all." Nick answered dryly.

"Nick. . ."

"Let's not start, okay?"

"What if she calls again?"

"She won't. I made myself perfectly clear."

"So, you've made up your mind?"

"Yes. I don't want Christine anywhere near CJ. Once Christine is gone, I'll tell her." Nick said, trying to sound more convicted than he really was.

"I'm sorry to hear that, Nick." Nick heard her reply softly.

Nick jerked the phone away and stared at it. That reaction wasn't what he expected at all.

Not at all.