Chapter 2

I woke up with the worst hangover in history, OK, maybe I’m exaggerating a little, but I really was suffering.  I got out of bed, drank a large glass of water with a couple of Nurofen and then climbed back into bed, pulling the covers over my head, just wanting the world to disappear.  How much had I drunk last night?  Obviously too much by the way I was feeling.  Oh god, I drank that nasty cocktail of god knows what, no wonder I felt like shit.  I drifted back off to sleep and woke some time in the early afternoon, absolutely starving but minus the headache now.  A nice greasy bacon sandwich was just what I needed, it always did the trick. 

“Mmm” I mumbled as I took another bite, how come it always tastes better when you’re either hungover or drunk?  That’s something I could never figure out. 

I was interrupted in my thoughts of food by my mobile ringing, looking at the display, I saw that it was Jess. 

“Hey Jess” I said 

“Hi Steph, just wanted to make sure you were OK, you were in a right state last night” she said. 

“Don’t I know it!” I replied “exactly how embarrassing was I?” 

“Er…you weren’t too bad…” she started saying. 

“Oh come on Jess, we all know I talk utter crap when I’m drunk” I laughed. 

“Well, you were talking about a list” she said. 

“A list?” I said  

What the hell? 

“Yeah…a list of things to do, to be precise, ten things to do before you’re thirty” she tried to stop the laugh that I knew was dying to escape. 

“Oh crap” I muttered.  I had a vague recollection of this conversation, but vague it was “what was on this list?” 

“Erm…we couldn’t shut you up Steph” she now began laughing. 

“Oh shit…come on, spill it.  What did I say?” I asked, wanting the ground to just open up and swallow me whole.  I could just imagine the way the conversation probably went!  Me talking outrageous nonsense, as usual. 

“What didn’t you say more like it” she laughed “the list was ever growing, but I think with a bit of tweaking, we can get it down to just ten things” 

“And they were?” I begged “come on Jess, this is torture!  What did I say?” 

“Well, some of it is totally un-doable of course.  I mean shagging Jason Orange in a public place is not really an option” she laughed “but a lot of it was pretty good” 

“Oh god, I mentioned the Jason fantasy?” I said, more to myself really. 

“Yep, you sure did” she laughed again. 

I could feel my face change colour, to a dark shade of embarrassment

“Erm…it was a dream I had once” I admitted.  How the hell I had dreamt that up, I don’t know, but in the dream I’d dragged him into the ladies toilets and fucked his brains out.  It’s not like I was that kind of person; in fact, I’d never even had a one night stand! 

“Must’ve been quite a dream” she teased 

“So…what else was on this list?” I probed, changing the subject from the toilet sex dream. 

“My god Steph, can’t you remember anything?” she giggled 

“Apparently not” I began laughing too “are you going to tell me Jess, or do I have to call Izzy or Chloe?” 

“OK, OK” she said “I’m not sure I can remember every single thing, but here goes.  Apart from the Jason fantasy, you want to fall in love, you want to bungee jump…” 

“Huh?  Me…bungee jump!  I don’t think so” I protested 

“Well, you’re the one who said it” she replied “now let’s see, what else.  You want to tell your boss to shove his job up his arse, you want to learn to surf, you listed a whole list of famous guys you’d ‘do’ ” 

“I must’ve sounded like a whore” I muttered What the hell had I been thinking; I didn’t usually talk like that? 

“Of course not Steph, we all think like that.  I wouldn’t say no to a bit of Daniel Craig” she said, reassuringly. 

“Yeah, suppose you’re right” I said “who would refuse him?” 

“Well obviously not you either, he was on your hit list of men too” she laughed 

“Anything else?” I asked 

“You want to swim with dolphins, ride the scariest rollercoaster in the world whilst eating a Burger King, go for a moonlit skinny dip with the man of your dreams and then have wild passionate sex on the beach, go up the Empire State Building at night and watch the city below you and the stars above you, fake an orgasm ‘When Harry Met Sally’ style in a cafe” she said 

“Oh my fucking god Jess.  Did I really say all that?  Are you messing with me?” I said. 

“No Steph, there’s more” she said 

“Oh god” I groaned and she carried on listing more. 

“Drive at more than 100mph in a cool car, live abroad, say something obscene on national TV, date someone totally the opposite of your type, buy a camper van and take a road trip across America, blow a couple of hundred pounds on a single night out, have a one night stand, buy your own place rather than rent, learn a second language…” 

“OK, I’ve got it, let’s just stop there” I said “wow, that’s quite a list” 

“I’m not even sure that’s all of it” she replied. 

“Well, obviously, most of them are impossible…” I began 

“They don’t have to be” she said. 

We ended our phone call and I began to think about some of those things on the list.  Were they really that outrageous, or were they do-able?  I didn’t dwell on it for long as I had to go and meet my parents for lunch, what would they think of this mid-twenties crisis I seemed to be going through?  Best keep it to myself I think. 

We had a delicious meal and I had to listen to the usual questions, like when was I ever going to get a boyfriend and settle down, you know, the usual embarrassing questions that parents ask.   

I was quite relieved when I finally got home to my tiny little apartment, today had been quite draining!  I put my comfy joggers on and an old t-shirt and settled down in front of the TV with a bottle of wine, glad of a quiet night in after the previous night.  There wasn’t really much on, so I put on a DVD - ‘Bridget Jones Diary’, one of my all time favourites. 

“Now why can’t I have my very own Mr Darcy” I said to myself as I drooled over Colin Firth in the film.  I was hardly doing anything about it.  I hadn’t been on a date in ages, maybe I was afraid to take the risk again after Oliver, he’d hurt me badly. 

The film ended and so did the wine, but I wasn’t tired; the silly list was going around in my mind.  Would it really be possible?  Hmmm, I certainly needed some excitement in my life.  I got up and rummaged around for a pen and opened up my notebook onto a clean page. 

Ten things to do before I’m 30 

1. 

 I thought long and hard about the things I really wanted out of life, deciding to throw a few unexpected ones in too, get out of my comfort zone a little, and be daring for a change. 

1.   Fall in love

2.   Own my own place

3.   The skinny dipping and sex on the sex one

4.   Learn a new language

5.   Ride a scary roller coaster whilst eating or bungee jump or something else equally as scary

6.   Road trip across the USA

7.   Blow a fortune on a single night out

8.   Drive a flash car way too fast (and not get caught)

9.   Swim with dolphins

10. Tell my boss to shove his job up his arse 

“There, done” I said as I put my pen down and read over my list again.  Now, where did I start?