Kelly didn’t hear anything of the conversation between AJ and the doctor. Her mind was just a complete blank.
The nightmare looked so damn real.
At first she thought she was still standing in their living room until she woke up in one snap and saw AJ sitting in front of her.
The image of him going to hit her flashed through her mind immediately and that made her freak out completely.
Now she was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling with eyes wide open. She was too scared to fall asleep and have the same nightmare again. Maybe the nightmare would continue. She didn’t want to know how. Maybe she would be having other nightmares, worse than the previous one.
She also didn’t know why she was dreaming like this about AJ. Why was he so violent in that dream?
She had been thinking about it all the time since she had the dream. When she saw the angry face of AJ in front of her again she cringed in the hospital bed.
No, he couldn’t be that way in reality. They were happily married for God’s sake! Happily, right?
She would be seeing Leighanne and her family again. Just like Leigh and her family.
Exactly, would.
But the doctor said none of that would be possible now. Not now she started having nightmares and possibly be freaking out when waking up.
But what’s the big deal of having nightmares? Every person has nightmares and still they can see their family and friends after it. Besides, it wasn’t like she was the only one who freaked out after having a nightmare. Many people do!
Why was she abandoned from all her loved ones?
With that wondering, she suddenly felt the loneliness burning inside. And when she realized she felt lonely, tears sprung in her eyes.
She hated feeling lonely. She had always quite been the social person. The one who needed to have people around her all the time. Besides, she had to talk to someone now.
And where was AJ? Why wasn’t he sitting beside her now?
Apparently she didn’t notice she had been yelling to AJ and neither had she noticed she had scared the shit out of him. In fact, she couldn’t remember she freaked out at all.
The only thing she remembered was the dream. The awful nightmare.
She sat right up with her knees bent and rested her arms and head on them. She was well sick of this hospital. She wanted to go home. She felt fine except for the fact that she was scared and lonely.
But if she would get company who would give her the answers to all her questions, all of that would be over.
The doctor was just an asshole. Simple as that.
She sighed and lifted her head up and looked beside her when something on the ground caught her eye.
She was too curious to leave the object there. Maybe it was AJ’s and he lost it?
She quietly crawled out of bed and tried to bent forward.
She cringed once more but this time it was because of the bruises. Even though some of them started to fade away, others were too stubborn to go away yet.
She forgot the pain when she saw the object on the ground. She bent forward, ignoring the pain, and picked it up.
It was a small blue notebook.
She quickly but quietly crawled back into the hospital bed again and opened the book.
This is diary belongs to Alex “Loser” McLean.
She frowned. Loser?
Dear diary,
I don’t know how often I will write in here but I do know that I have to write. I have to write everything down. All of the things that are happening now. But first let me introduce myself.
I am an asshole. A jerk. A moron. I’m a piece of shit.
There, now you know who I am. Not like I am talking to an actual person here but what the hell.
I am all of these things because I am a fucked up husband. No, seriously. I make all kinds of promises to my wife such as “I’ll be home early today” or “I won’t be going to the pub”. Or I promise her to take her out to a romantic dinner and at the end make love to her all through the night. I keep breaking them. I haven’t been home early since weeks. I have been going to the pub almost every night since a couple of months ago. The last time we had a romantic dinner and made love afterwards in our bedroom was… Shit, I don’t even remember.
When I first met Kelly I felt this connection between us immediately. I was completely sure we were meant to meet each other. And sooner or later I fell in love with her. Deep. We dated a few times and we seemed really alike. We loved the same kind of music. We both were crazy about tattoos. We both loved people around us, we were both talkative. So imagine how long our dates must have been.
I should be grinning when I write all this. Instead I feel sad, broken, whatever you want to call it.
We haven’t been much of talking a lot lately. I can see it’s bothering her. But I feel so guilty for breaking all of those promises. For not being there for her.
Anyway, we grew closer to eachother. I still remember our first kiss. It was definitely different than all the other kisses I had from other girls. This might sound really mushy and cliché but it felt as if this spark of electricity rushed through our bodies as we kissed. At that very moment I realized she was the one.
Not mentioning the first time we made love. Again, this sounds cliché, but it was pure magic. It was the best night ever. I still remember this very well. I can play the memories in my head like a movie.
Our relationship was beyond perfect. Four months later we decided to look for a nice house and live together. Build up our own life. We wanted to take it easy at first but finally we couldn’t wait no longer. We were heavily in love and we wanted to be together as much as possible.
The house we bought was perfect. It was located in New York, one of both our favorite cities.
I remember us strolling through the shops and stores, looking for new furniture and deciding on colors for the walls and deciding the material and color of the floors of each room. I remember doing the groceries together. I remember sleeping for the first time in our own bedroom, our own bed. I remember cooking together in our brand new kitchen. Watching tv together in our brand new living room. (Not forgetting to mention the tv was a big ass one.)
One year later I proposed to her, on Valentine’s Day. She didn’t hesitate one second to say yes. We couldn’t wait to plan a date and we decided to have the wedding 2 months after the proposal. We loved planning out the whole wedding with help of our friends and family. Everything seemed so perfect.
You could say we were a match made in heaven.
Five years of unbelievable happiness passed by until Friday 13 February 2009. Yep, Friday the god damn 13th. One day before Valentine’s Day, a day we would be looking forward to each year since we were together. Also because it would’ve been 5 years since I proposed to her.
The guys, Nick, Howie and Brian that is, asked me to go to a local pub. It is our tradition to go to the pub each night before Valentine’s Day. It’s a joke between the four of us.
Each year it went fine. We laughed, we mocked eachother, we drank some and we had fun.
That night we laughed as well, we mocked eachother as usually, we had fun of course… and we drank. The others drank some. I drank, and I drank, and I drank… and I drank… and I drank.
Soon I was more than drunk. Does that even exist?
At least I couldn’t stand on either of my two feet. Brian and Nick had to keep me up otherwise I’d fall right on my face.
Anyway, that night Brian and Nick dropped me off at my house. After Brian opened up the door for me and sat me down on the couch, they thought I’d be okay and took off.
Kelly came downstairs with sleepy eyes to see what all the noise was. When she saw me, she smiled and said she had missed me. She sat next to me and wanted to hug me. As the drunken dipshit that I was, I ignored her and pushed her away. ‘Oh, I see you have had a little too much,’ she said as she giggled. She didn’t seem to be shocked, scared or angry at me at all. She had seen me drunk before, you know.
I just ignored her again and tried to get up. Instead I fell right into her arms. She thought I had fallen asleep or passed out so she wanted to drag me upstairs.
Then I suddenly smacked her face. I smacked her pretty angel face. All of a sudden. Without a reason.
I couldn’t control it. It was as if somebody took control over my body and I was locked up inside and had to watch what my body was doing to my wife.
I called her bad names after which I strolled upstairs and flopped down on my bed like nothing had happened. Back then I didn’t know Kelly had been crying. Never had I ever hit her. She was shocked.
And she did confronted me with that issue the next morning. I apologized a thousand times but she was still kinda pissed. Because I’ve been so stupid, I ruined our whole Valentine’s Day.
From then more nights followed where I came home drunk. The first two months I didn’t hit her. Brian and Nick took me all the way upstairs those times because Kelly had told them what happened that night before Valentine’s Day.
Of course, I had to stop drinking. But I was stubborn, work wasn’t going very smooth so I was stressed. I needed to take the stress away, even if it was just for a while. Even if it gave me an immense hangover the next morning…
Ok, my hand is fucking falling off soon if I don’t quit writing now.
I will write some more tomorrow. If I feel like doing so at least…
Asshole Alex.
Kelly just stared at the page she just read. While reading it she remembered that night. Friday 13 February. The night before Valentine’s Day.
She didn’t mind AJ going with the guys to the pub. They did that each year, and it went fine. She would be having a girls’ night out instead. She didn’t expect AJ to be home earlier than her and she had expected he would be coming home drunk someday. He had been tipsy a couple of times.
But being drunk isn’t that bad. At least, that’s was she thought.
She never thought AJ would be capable of this. That he would be capable of smacking her.
When did he write this anyway? He didn’t write a date on the top of the page. It couldn’t be that long ago.
When she wanted to turn the page to see if he had written more, there was a knock on the door.
‘Dinner time! Are you hungry?’ a nurse chirped in with a tray of hospital food.
Except for missing AJ, I also miss MY HUSBAND’S COOKING SKILLS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!
I hate hospital food. I always pretended to be excited about eating this shit. But in fact, it made me wanna puke in the toilet after I forced myself to push the fork in my god damn mouth. If I didn’t eat it, I would be starving the whole fucking night. I’m already feeling horrible enough to also starve and crave for fucking Mac D’s.
I thanked the nurse after taking the tray from her hands. She asked if I wished for anything else.
Yeah, fucking eatable food. But I kept that thought to myself.
I told her I didn’t need anything else, that the food was all.
To my relieve, she went out quickly to bring other patients the puke-food and let them suffer from the horrible taste and the gross feeling on their tongues.
I put the tray on the bedside table and quickly got the notebook from under the pillow, where I had quickly put it when the nurse came chiming in.
I went to the page I was before, and saw he wrote another entry. I was really anxious to know for the continuation, so I quickly started to read it.
Author's Chapter Notes:
SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY!!! I've been abandoning this story! It's just that I'm in this really stressing period and I have been down quite much this week so my head wasn't really focused on writing. :( Either way, I've found a moment to write the next chap and I hope it worked out well. I came up with this really great idea to keep the fun in writing this story and hopefully keep the fun in reading this story as well. :)
Chapter End Notes:
Hope you liked it and that it wasn't too boring! *crosses fingers*
