Reviewer: bsbfrk411 Signed
Date: 09/29/08
Title: Chapter 52: Chapter 49 - The Hardest Thing
so I know I don't usually critique the structure of your chapters because in my opinion, it's your story, write it how you want. But there was something about this chapter that seemed really off to me and I thought maybe I should point it out in case you didnt notice. If I'm remembering correctly, the only people in the room at the time that actually KNEW Nick was the father of alyssa's baby were Teri, Tricia and Kevin. Obviously Shayla knew, but she was never told and Nick didn't actually know that she knew. So Sean leaves and Nick breaks down and ultimately confesses to several people for the first time, including his wife, that he was the father of Alyssa's baby. I totally love that aspect of the story, but the problem is that not one person reacted to the news. It was like everyone knew, and it was well known and not even remotely close to a secret. That whole scene kind of seemed awkward to read because I was expecting to get the shocked reactions from everybody, and there just weren't any. Again, your story, write it how you want. But I wasn't sure if you noticed that or not so I'm just pointing it out.
On that note.. you friggen killed nicks kid!!! AGAIN!!! you hate him. You're probably actually and nsync fan arent you? A justin lover.. I can tell. hahah
This chapter made me reallllly sad and I feel horrible for alyssa but mostly for nick. And obviously it hasnt even sunk in for her just what nick is feeling since this is the second time it happened, but im sure once that happens alyssa will feel even worse. But now i wonder what will happen to their relationship. It's common for relationships to fall apart when a child is lost, and considering all the other circomstances involved, this could really test their love. I hope they pull through. Update soon!!
Author's Response: No worries! I do see where you are coming from and although half the people were unaware of the situation I think they kind of were clued in by everything going on. I guess definitely could've gone more into reactions, but I admit that I got lazy. Thanks for the critique though. I will keep that in mind in subsequent chapters.
Haha I am SOOO not an Nsync fan. Eww.... Justin *shudders* Honestly I'd have preferred not to have the whole Katie storyline, but by the time I realized I hated it I couldn't back out, so Nick lost two kids. I know.. I'm a meanie!
Alyssa is definitely going to take it just as bad as Nick. Nick may have lost two kids, but its different when you actually are the one with the baby inside you, so I'm gonna say its going to be equally hard for the both of them. As for how it impacts their relationship... That is the question. Will it tear them apart or will it make them stronger and bring them together? You'll have to see!
