Yes, it’s true; my best friend since the diaper years was Nick Carter. We grew up together and I was one of his main supporters when he first became a Backstreet Boy. Nick was the best friend a girl like me could ever have and even though he became famous, Nick was still just Nick in my eyes. The whole rock star persona never really took over him.  

Distance threatened to ruin our friendship but in many ways it made us stronger, a lot stronger. We would call each other as often as we could day or night and I had to tutor him a few times while he was being schooled on the roads. We both promised each other that we would still be best friends and we kept true to our word.

I loved having Nick as a best friend but ever since I was 16, I started to look at Nick with different eyes.

It all started before my sweet 16 birthday party. Nick was doing a lot to help my mom and I plan the party. He even helped set up the Elks lodge that held the party. I still laugh to this day when I remember how we almost got kicked out by my own mother because we were horsing around so much while we were decorating. He, my sister and I kept fighting over what decoration to put where. Nick would drive my sister Kim crazy because if she put up a decoration he would take it down and put it in another place. Let me tell you, Nick wasn’t the greatest decorator and the lodge finally ended up being decorated the way Kim planned it out.

He also helped with creating the guest list. He knew just who to invite and pretty much made my guest list for me; all I had to do was approve of it.

The day of the party came pretty quickly. And to tell you the truth I’m not sure who was more excited, myself, my sister, or Nick.

Nick promised he would be the first one to show up, but as usual he was late because of some meeting or practice or something. So instead of being the first to show up he was the last.

I smiled widely when Nick finally walked in. He was wearing a gray suit with a dark purple shirt and tie that matched the color of my dress perfectly. I knew Nick was wearing it just for me, because purple is my favorite color. He looked really, really handsome and my heart started to flutter when he smiled at me. I could feel my face become hot as I stared at him and my hands started to quiver with nervousness. I only acted like that when I was around my crush, Ryan, who I have known since 8th grade and was another good friend of mine. To this day I couldn’t believe that I was able to talk to Nick and that I was actually acting like that around my best friend.     

“Well, look who finally showed up!” I said to him as he walked into the front door of the lodge.

“Kalie I’m so sorry I’m late. I had…”

“I know you were caught up with ‘work’.” ‘Work’ was what we called it when Nick had something to do with his future with music.

“I tried to get out but Lou wasn’t listening to me. I really wanted to be the first one here.”

“I know you did. But you’re here now Kaos. That’s all that matters,” I hugged him tightly, “and you are just in time for food. Go eat and then we’ll start partying. I have to go dance with Dad, Grandpa, Kyle and Kasey.”

“Did you eat already?”

“Yeah Kaos. Don’t worry about me. I got it covered.”

“You know I’ll be asking you all night tonight right?”

“I know, I know but you don’t have to. Kaos I’ll be ok tonight, trust me.”

“Kalie, I’ve known you since we were in diapers and I still don’t trust you,” he said jokingly.

“I know you don’t because I don’t trust you too,” I joked back and stuck my tongue out at him.

Nick grabbed a plate and piled as much food as possible on it being typical Nick, the bottomless pit.

As a family tradition I slow danced with my twin brother Kasey first, then my older brother Kyle. Then he handed me over to Grandpa, and finally my Dad got the last dance. I was really glad and relieved that my dad and grandfather didn’t start tearing while we danced; instead their eyes were filled with pride and happiness. I made them promise me before the party that they wouldn’t cry and they didn’t. I figured they should save that for my wedding.

I waited for my friends to finish their dinner then asked the DJ to start up the party. The lights were lowered and all of my friends were on the dance floor, even Kim, Kyle and his longtime girlfriend Melissa were dancing with us teens.

Even though pretty much all of my friends were at my party, I stuck close to my main best friends. I tried my hardest to mix and mingle with everyone but Crystal, Daniel, Chris, Michelle and Nick were right by my side where ever I went, like they always were. The six of us were inseparable and we truly were best friends since day one.

My party was amazing and everyone was having a great time expect for my crush Ryan. He was sitting by himself for most of the night. He was the “James Dean” rebel in our grade but he never really did anything to get himself into trouble. He was a smart rebel. He looked like the iconic movie star but with coffee brown hair and chocolate eyes that I often found myself day dreaming about. I loved Ryan’s style but I have to admit that he cleaned up nicely in his dark gray suit and blue shirt. He looked really good and Crystal, Michelle and I agreed that he should get on the dance floor to show off like everyone else was doing. It took a lot of coaxing but my girls and I finally got him on the dance floor. Besides his looks and his kind personality, Ryan was a good dancer. Nick even had challenged him to a dance contest. Ryan was pretty shy but he seemed to shake his fears while he was dancing with everyone else. Nick was the biggest ham and had a blast showing off his moves.

Everyone stayed on the dance floor for most of the night and the party was going smoothly… until the slow dance.

I was really wishing that Ryan would ask me to dance and it looked like he was going to until he asked me, “Kalie, where’s the bathroom?”

My heart dropped a little as I answered with my finger pointed, “It’s right there.” He was having such a good time dancing with me and my friends that I was sure he was going to ask me.

I solemnly walked back to my table and sat down as most of my friends paired up.

Ryan came back from the bathroom and headed for my table. My heart started to beat faster but he walked right past me and sat down at the table across the room. I felt like I was going to cry when someone tapped me on the shoulder and nearly scared the crap out of me. It was my twin Kasey.

“Kayl, you can’t be a wall flower at your own sweet 16. Come dance with me.”

“Ok Kase.” I took his out reached hand and he escorted me to the dance floor.

I had a bad feeling when Kasey flashed one of his mischievous smiles at me. Kasey and I had the strongest relationship out of all of the siblings, although Kim, Kyle, Kasey, and myself were all very close. (And yes our parents had a thing with names starting with K if you didn’t figure that out yet. LOL) He and I always got in trouble with each other but we could also get each other out of it. Kasey and I had been ball room dance partners since we were six. We were the best partners because we could read each other’s mind and Kasey could read me like a book.

“What’s up your sleeve bro?”

“Nothing. I just wanted to slow dance with my favorite sister. But don’t tell Kim I said that.”

I giggled, “I won’t. You’re secret is safe with me.”   

“So…” Kasey started. “I can’t help but notice that you’ve been crushing on Ryan lately. Why aren’t you dancing with him?”

I let out a sigh.

“I know that sigh. You’re either too chicken to ask him yourself or you’re over him or you thought he was different.”

“Damn Kase. You’re right with all three. I really thought he was going to ask me to dance but he just wanted to know where the bathroom was. I don’t know. It seems like he doesn’t notice me.”

“I think he knows you like him and he’s afraid to do anything about it. He may seem like James Dean on the outside but he’s probably a chicken like you in the inside.”

I lightly slapped his arm, “I am no chicken. I’m probably the bravest girl in our grade.”

“Kalie you are the bravest girl in our grade. You’re the only girl I know who has the guts enough to stand up to the biggest bully in our grade who beat up Daniel that one time. Remember that?”

“Oh I remember. That was 1st grade. Billy pushed Dan into the mud in the playground then kicked him pretty hard.”

“Yeah and you stopped him from kicking Dan again and made him fall to his knees when you kicked Billy’s nuts! He never picked on any of our friends again.”

“I take after Kim. What can I say?” We laughed then Kasey’s girlfriend showed up from her softball practice like she said she would. Kasey flashed me one of his smiles and I nodded my head approvingly. He left me standing on the dance floor to go dance with his girl. I don’t blame him really, she was one of the better girlfriends he has had and they really loved each other. At least I wasn’t a wall flower for the whole song.

I made my way for my table again and out of nowhere someone grabbed my hand. I turned around and found Nick was the one clutching my hand.

“Where are you going missy? You’ve got a song to slow dance to,” Nick smirked at me and pulled me back on the dance floor. I had no chance to protest.

At first it was awkward. I have never danced with someone beside family members like Kyle and Kasey before. We never switched partners in dance class either so Kasey was always the person I danced with.

I looked up at Nick and he just grinned at me, “So what’s with being a wall flower all of a sudden?”

“I didn’t feel like dancing, that’s all.”

“You not wanting to dance? Are you feeling ok? You’re always up to dancing. Besides you’re the best one on the dance floor. Ryan is being a jerk isn’t he? P.S. I know you like him.”

“How’d you find out? The only people I’ve told are…”

“Crystal and Michelle I know. Kalie I know you way too well. You can’t hide things from me. Besides I was there when Tally and Mich were trying to talk him into asking you to dance. I knew I better watch out for you when he answered, ‘I don’t know. I’ll have to think about it.’ Then I saw the look on your face when he asked where the bathroom was. I was going to grab you before you sat down but Kasey beat me to it. But I see he has left you for his girl so…”

“But can you blame him though? Trish is one of the better ones that he’s had in a while. You didn’t have to drag me onto the floor. I could have sat down. Actually I would have gone out to the terrace I need a little fresh air.”

“I couldn’t have let you been out there alone. Besides it’s a lot more fun in here.” He flashed a cheesy smile at me and I giggled shaking my head.

“You’re too much Kaos.”

“I know I try. So… have I told you how lovely you look tonight?”

I was taken aback by his words, “What did you just say?”

“I said you look beautiful tonight Kalie. Purple is really your color.”

“Thanks Kaos. And you clean up pretty nicely yourself there bud.”

“Why thank you. So… are you really crushing hard on Ryan that it upset you this much that he didn’t ask you to dance?”

I looked into his eyes and saw a mixture of sympathy, concern and something else that I couldn’t figure out. I kept my gaze on his sky blue eyes and answered, “After he did that… I think I’m ok with just being friends. And I don’t think I’m ready for another relationship just yet… not after Paul.”

“Yeah that jerk. Well you can take all the time you want. And just remember that I need to approve of the guy before you start dating him.”

I laughed, “Nick you’re my best friend, not my father!”

“I know but remember I’ll still have your back no matter what.”

I grinned, “You really are the best Nick.”

“I’m glad you think so.”

“Paul wasn’t really that bad was he?”

“He was a complete ass hole to you after you broke up with him.”

“Yeah he was a jack ass after that. Well I don’t have to talk to him anymore.”

“That’s a plus.”

We continued the rest of the dance and when it finished Chris’s voice came over the microphone. Nick still held me like we were slow dancing as we listened to Chris, “Hi everyone. I would just like to invite everyone out to the terrace but first I wanted to say Kalie, I hope you really like your surprise. Kim, Kyle, Kasey, Michelle, Crystal, Dan, Nick and myself threw this together for you so happy birthday! We love you Kay!”

“Come on we have to get you the best spot!” Nick grabbed my hand again and pulled me out to the terrace. My best friends followed and everyone waited for the surprise.

Nick had me stand right by the railing which was not the best idea.

“Nick you know I’m terrified of heights!” I said nervously to him who was standing behind me.

“Kalie its ok I’m right here. You know what,” he looked at me and offered his hand, “just hold on to my hand. And look the banister is concreted to the terrace. This thing won’t break. And if it does…”

“Oh great! Don’t even make me think about that!” I slapped his hand.

“It’s not going to break. I was just saying that if it does I’ll be here to catch you. I promise.”

“Ok. Why are we out here anyway?”

“You’ll see. Just look to the sky.” He moved closer to me as I took his hand and he put his other arm around my shoulders. I don’t know why but I felt really secure with him standing like that and I started to notice butterflies fluttering around in my stomach. Why was I feeling like this? Nick was my best friend I couldn’t be crushing on him. Could I?

I noticed him staring down at me. I looked up into his eyes that were shinning like the stars above our heads. I never really noticed how tall he was until now and how defined his facial features were.

“What are you looking at?” I asked with a raised eyebrow.

“You duh!” he said kiddingly.

“When will I see my surprise?”

“In a matter of seconds. Just keep looking.”

Just as Nick said that a loud firework lit up the sky!

I watched the fireworks in awe as the vibrant greens, blues, reds, and golds lit up the night sky. I couldn’t believe my siblings and best friends set this up just for me.

The second to last firework exploded into a giant purple 16. Nick said in my ear as the 16 faded, “Happy sweet 16 Kalie!” Then he kissed my cheek and as he did the final firework erupted into a purple heart with a golden K in the middle. Before the sparks were extinguished my best friends and siblings screamed, “We love you Kalie!”

Nick squeezed me and for some unknown reason I just wanted to stay like that forever. I wanted each night to be just like my sweet 16.

As the smoke cleared Nick looked down at me and asked, “Did you like it?”

“I loved it Nick! That’s the sweetest thing anybody as ever done for me! Thank you so much Kaos!”

“You’re welcome Kalie.” He hugged me again and kissed my forehead. I looked up at him one last time before we went back inside.

There was something about the way he looked under the moonlight. I couldn’t put my finger on it but I couldn’t keep my eyes off of him. I started to go into some sort of trance when my best friends and siblings ambushed me from behind.

“What’d you think of it sis?” Kim asked.

“I loved it! You guys are the best ever! I love you all so much you have no idea!” I exclaimed as I hugged everyone involved with setting up the fireworks.

“You’re welcome Kay. You made each of our 16 birthdays special so we wanted to make yours special,” Michelle replied.

“You guys really did make my sweet 16 sweet!” 

We went back inside to have cake then have a few more dances, the last one being a slow dance, which Nick grabbed me for.

I was pretty tired by the final song so Nick let me rest my head on his chest while we danced. At first it felt weird but then it started to feel natural. I kind of liked that feeling but I never really expected that I really wanted that feeling, that I would long for that feeling.

I didn’t want Nick or any of my friends for that matter to leave. I tried my hardest to keep Nick with me for as long as possible but he had work the next morning. He promised me he would be over at my house in time to watch me open my presents but I wasn’t getting my hopes up about that because I knew his manager could be a prick at times.

“So how was dancing with Nick?” Crystal asked me the next afternoon while we were eating lunch. She, Michelle, Dan and Chris showed up to watch me open my presents. Nick showed up too but he couldn’t stay for lunch, work had to be done. At least he stayed to watch me open his gift last, an amethyst ring from Tiffany’s with quarts around the purple heart shaped stone.

“It was nice.”

“How did he behave?” Michelle questioned.

“He behaved like his normal self. Why’d you ask?”

“I think he likes you Kayl,” Dan stated plainly.

“Nickolas Gene Carter likes me?! No way! That can’t be possible! He’s my best friend and he’s like a brother to me!”

“He’s crushing on you Kayl! And I think you’re crushing on him,” Chris said in the same matter as Dan.

I looked at Michelle and Crystal and they just nodded their heads. I didn’t know what to say.

“I saw you lay your head on his chest during the last song and I also saw how he was holding you during the fireworks. Nick likes you Kay!” Michelle exclaimed.

I was in shock. I felt like I was the Little Mermaid when the wicked sea witch stole her voice; I couldn’t utter a single word.

Was it true? Was Nick really crushing on me? And was I starting to like him more than just a friend? 

Chapter 1 Disney World and Dylan

Now two year’s gone and nothing was won (like my reference to The Call?), and Nick and the Backstreet Boys found themselves becoming busier and more popular. That was the time of Backstreet Boys Backstreet’s Back and our graduation.

Oh I was nervous standing up in front of all the families at graduation. My best friends and I were a part of the high school choir ever since freshman year and our director loved our voices so much that we each got either a solo or duet at the graduation ceremony. I had gotten solos and duets before and I was never really nervous, but my knees were quaking for this small solo that blended into a duet with Nick. What was wrong with me? I always performed in front of crowds whether it was at a dance competition with Kasey, a school concert with the choir or performing in either the school or community plays. To this day I can’t figure out why I was so nervous.    

Nick had made it just in time for the graduation ceremony. He was on tour with the Boys but was able to schedule the tour around graduation. He lined up in his cap and gown just as our class was about to walk on stage.

I remember him looking at me and swiping his hand across his forehead in a signal that said, “I made it just in time!” I just smiled and shook my head at him.

Before we were handed our diplomas, the choir sang our last song together, For Good. Crystal started off the song then Daniel took over. The rest of the choir joined in for the chorus, afterward was Chris’s time to shine which blended into a quick harmonization with Michelle then she took over. Again the entire choir sang the chorus then split into the four part harmony for the bridge. To finish off the song I sang my heart out for my final high school solo. Nick came in on perfect time and harmonized beautifully with me. He took my hand in his and I grabbed Chris’s who was standing on the other side of me. Soon all the hands of the seniors in the choir were linked as we sang the final lyrics of For Good. The audience, our choir director, other teachers and all the seniors standing in front of the choir were all tearing. That song touched us all and we had mixed feelings of our senior year ending. Our class was pretty close and we were all pretty much going our separate ways. We were going to miss each other dearly.   

As we dried the tears from our eyes, our principle handed out the diplomas. All of our names were called and our families shouted with pride and joy. After the last name was called we took our final picture as the class of 1998. The picture was snapped then when we were given the all clear all of us graduates threw our caps toward the cloudless sky. We had one more adventure together as a class and that was the final senior trip to Disney World.

I have to say for being a bunch of 18 year olds Disney was one of the best trips I have ever been on. I had gone numerous times before but never alone with my friends. They dragged me onto all of the rides knowing that I’m not one for any type of ride. We even went on the Dumbo ride in the rain. Could you imagine three 18 year old girls in Mickey Mouse ponchos being the only ones on the Dumbo ride in the rain? The boys wouldn’t go with us, party poopers.

Disney was a blast and Nick made it even better by giving Crystal, Michelle and I a small surprise.

“Ok close your eyes and hold out your hands, all three of you.”

Michelle, Crystal and I looked at each other then back at Nick.

“Trust me, this is a good surprise. Just close your eyes and hold out your hands. Don’t open your eyes until I tell you too.”

I looked at my girl friends one last time then was the first to do as Nick said. He placed an envelope into each of our up turned palms.

“Ok now open your eyes.”

Michelle looked down at the envelope in her hand and in typical sarcastic Michelle manner said to Nick, “Gee they’re envelopes! This is the best surprise ever! Thanks so much Nick!” Nick went red in the face and the rest of us laughed.

“No Michelle why don’t you open the envelope?” Nick said slowly back to her.

Crystal was the first to rip open her envelope and scream over what was inside of it, “Oh my gosh Nick these are tickets to your show tonight!”

“And backstage passes! No way Nick!” I exclaimed when I emptied the contents of my envelope onto the table top.

“Yes way. I am inviting the tree of you and three of your guests to our show tonight. Then afterward you will meet the rest of the Boys. You guys coming?”

“Hell yeah! It’s about time you got us tickets!” Michelle lightly slapped Nick’s arm.

“Dude why didn’t you get us tickets?” Chris spoke for him and Dan.

“I didn’t know if you would come or not.”

“Man it’s you we’re talking about. We want to support you too,” Dan replied.  

“Oh ok well I’ll remember that for next time.”

“You know what… why don’t you two go with Mich and Tally?” I suggested to Dan and Chris.

“What if I wanted to go with you Kalie?” Chris pouted.

“Awe Chris. Well I was just saying that because hopefully Dylan will go with me.”

Nick rolled his eyes at the name of my boyfriend.

“Nick I know you don’t like him but he and I have been dating since February, don’t you expect me to ask him to go with me?”

“I guess but I really don’t want him there.”

“Well I do Nick. He’s my boyfriend.”

“I wish he wasn’t.”

I let out an annoyed sigh because I knew what was coming. Nick hated Dylan. He never really said exactly why he hated Dylan but they both didn’t like each other. I was annoyed because I have heard this same speech over and over again ever since Dylan gave me a promise ring on our 3 month anniversary. I could recite it to myself and in my sleep if I wanted to.

“I know you don’t like him.”

“Don’t like him? Kay I despise him! He’s not right for you at all. He’s stalkerish, a complete busybody, he’s controlling and he doesn’t trust anybody even you his own girlfriend! I have a bad feeling about him Kay and you know me and my feelings about people. I don’t trust him and I don’t think you should either, promise ring or not.”

“Nick can’t you see I’m happy with him? He actually loves me Kaos and I love him. And he’s coming to the show with me tonight so could you just be civil? Please? For me?” I flashed him my small, pleading smile.

He rolled his eyes again, closed them, shook his head then looked at me, “Fine. I’ll be civil but if he starts to be an ass around me backstage, mark my words I’m kicking him out myself. You’re lucky you’re cute when you flash that smile Kayl.”

“I know I try. And thank you so much for the tickets and backstage passes Nick. You’re the best. You don’t know how long Tally, Mich and I have been wanting to go to one of your concerts.”

“It’s no problem. I hope you guys will like the show.”

“I have a feeling we’ll love it Kaos,” Crystal said as she hugged him.

“Besides we’ve learned all the songs just so we could sing along to all of them,” Michelle commented.

“Dan and I learned them too,” Chris said. “We kind of had no choice thanks to the girls.”

“Alright guys I have to go practice for tomorrow night. I’ll see you in the morning at breakfast. Night guys, love yas.”

“Love ya too Kaos,” I hugged my best friend and whispered in his ear, “I’ll talk to Dylan and I’ll tell him to be civil too, especially since he’ll be meeting the rest of the Boys.”

“Thanks Kayl.”

“No problem Kaos.”    

Nick went off to practice and the rest of us went our separate ways. I had to find Dylan so we could go out to dinner at The Living Seas restaurant.

“So do you have any plans for tomorrow night honey?” I asked.

“No why?”

“Nick gave me and the rest of my group tickets to his show tomorrow night and backstage passes. And I was wondering if you would like to go with me.”

“Kalie.”

“Don’t Kalie me. Nick has been my best friend since we were both in diapers and I haven’t been able to go to a single show yet. This is my only chance to go because I don’t have money to buy my own tickets. And if you’re not coming with me I’ll go by myself.”

“I don’t want you going by yourself,” he said defiantly.

“Why not? Michelle, Crystal, Dan and Chris will be there too. I won’t be totally alone.”

“I still don’t want you to go by yourself. Are you sure you want to go to this stupid concert?”

“Don’t call it stupid.”

“You don’t even like the Backstreet Boys.”

“Don’t say that because it’s not true. I am a fan of Backstreet and not just because Nick is in it. They are all really good singers and they sing awesome songs. So are you coming with me or not?”

“Ok, ok I’ll go. But I won’t be happy about it.”

“Oh come on just try to have a little bit of fun. I’m not asking you to become a fan over night but just give BSB a try.”

He sighed and I just shook my head. Dylan could be so difficult at times but then at others he could be really sweet and fun loving and all around a good boyfriend. I could see myself being with him for a long time and the promise ring he slipped on my finger 2 months ago really helped with that vision. It got frustrating at times though because Nick and Dylan fought constantly and that really pissed me off because I thought Nick would be happy for me because a guy actually loved me for who I was and not just my body that I got from ball room dancing since I was little. I also thought Dylan wouldn’t be jealous of Nick and would understand that the only thing between Nick and I was just friendship.

“Alright, alight I’ll go with you. Just stop pleading I hate it when you do that. What time is it?”

“8 pm. Then we can stay as long as we want too after the show because of our passes.”

“I’m not going to stay for long.”

“Well you know what I’ll stay and you can go back to the hotel what do you want me to say? I finally get a chance to meet the Backstreet Boys and I’m not going to miss it. Nick has told me a lot about them and I really want to meet them.”

“Whatever. Let’s just go back to the hotel. I’m tired and we have the entire Animal Kingdom to go see tomorrow.”

Dylan paid the check then we walked hand in hand back to the hotel.  

“Night Kalie.”

“Good night Dylan. I’ll see you at breakfast tomorrow.” I took one last look at my boyfriend before I kissed him good night. I took in his dirty blonde hair and light green eyes. I smiled when he flashed his cute little boyish smile on his adorable baby face. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he put his hands on my waist. Dylan wasn’t very muscular but still he had a good body that he was confident about. That was another thing I loved about Dylan, besides his sweetness, was his confidence and his singing voice.  

He kissed me good night and watched me enter my room that I shared with Michelle and Crystal.

“So,” Michelle started, “is Dylan coming with us to the concert tomorrow night?”

I sighed, “He’s coming but he’s not all that happy about it.”  

“Gee I wonder why?” Crystal commented sarcastically.

“Please don’t start Tally. I’ve already heard it way too many times before from Nick. You two were there for most of them you should know. And I did tell Dylan that I could find someone else who really wanted to go but he didn’t want me going alone.”

“But you won’t be alone. You’ll be with us and the guys,” Crystal answered.

“I told him that. But you know Dylan.”

“Yeah, over protective, non trusting Dylan,” Michelle said in a near whisper.

I heard her and threw my hands in the air out of frustration.

“I’m tired of hearing this from all of you! Can’t you see I’m happy with him? Wouldn’t that be enough for you guys to be somewhat happy for me?”

My best friends stayed quiet. I went in the bathroom to take a shower and they were still quiet by the time I got out. Thankfully the next morning before breakfast my girls apologized and we spent the day with each other like nothing happened. 

Chapter 2: The First Concert

After everyone, including Dylan, had a fantastic time at the Animal Kingdom, we decided to just chill by the pool. We all soaked up the sun then decided to play a few rounds of chicken. Ok it was more than a few because we switched partners constantly. Dylan wouldn’t play so my best guy friends and Kasey took turns with being my partner. It was so much fun and it reminded us of when we were kids playing in each other’s pools.

A few hours had past and in typical Florida weather it started to rain so we headed back to our rooms to shower and get ready for dinner and the concert afterward. When we were all finished getting ready, we met up in the lobby and waited for our bus to show.

I decided to wear my favorite purple halter top and ripped jeans with open toed sandals to show off my French pedicure. I pulled my hair into a playful ponytail and threw on some makeup. Dylan wore a brown polo and faded jeans that looked very cute on him. I could tell he quickly ran a comb threw his hair and left it down instead of spiking it up like I liked it. I walked up to my boyfriend and kissed his cheek.

“You look really cute baby.”

“Thanks… Why are you wearing that?” he said as he eyed me up and down.

“What? Don’t you like it?”

“Kalie we’re going to a character dinner. Why wear that?”

“What?! Are you afraid Mickey Mouse is gunna hit on me or something?!”

“You never know who is really in those costumes.”

“Dylan! Are you hearing yourself right now?! You’re being ridiculous! I’m not going to be hit on by some guy in a costume! Can you please just stop worrying for once and try to have a good time without being so… so difficult?!”

“Kalie you’re screaming for attention by wearing this!”

“Look around Dylan, almost every girl is wearing something like me. So I finally decide to wear something that shows off a little more skin than usual and you flip out.”

“I’m not flipping out! I’m just trying to protect you.”

“Well I don’t need as much protection as you think Dylan.”

“That’s just what you think.”

“Whatever.”

My friends and Kasey just stood in silence and looked at each other afraid to say anything. It was a good thing Nick wasn’t there because I was in no mood to hear his speech again. He was at another practice for the night’s show. Everyone who witnessed the fight stayed quiet until one of our chaperones gathered us to board the busses.

“Kasey I’m sitting with you and Trisha is that ok?”

“It’s no problem sis. Not after that fight.”

“And Kalie, I think you look really cute in that outfit. Don’t let him get to you,” Trisha comforted me as we loaded the bus and sat down next to each other. Michelle, Crystal, Dan and Chris filled into the seat next to us. Dylan took the one behind us. He tried to talk to me but I gave him the cold shoulder until we got to the character dinner.

The buses drove for ten minutes until they pulled up to the restaurant that hosted the character dinner. We filed off the bus one by one and made our way into the restaurant.

I was one of the last one’s off the bus along with Kasey and Trisha. As I walked toward the restaurant’s entrance Dylan grabbed my wrist and spun me around. I was ready to punch him but I stopped myself when I realized who it was and when I saw the saddened and lonely look on his face.

“Kalie baby, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have flipped out like that. And I should’ve been more excited about you wearing this. You look hot honey. Do you accept my apology?”

He looked at me with his soulful, green, puppy dog eyes and the slight smirk across his lips. He looked so sincere and cute that I had to accept his apology.

“I accept. Come on let’s go get our seats before they are taken.”

Dinner went smoothly except for Dylan refusing to take pictures with all the characters who visited us. I just shrugged it off and secretly started to doubt our relationship lasting a little bit longer. I was finally starting to see what Nick and the rest of my best friends were seeing in him. He was acting like a real jerk lately.

It was about 20 minutes before the concert when Nick called me.

“Hey Nick! What’s up?”

“Are you guys finished with dinner yet?”

“Yeah we just finished why’d you ask?”

“Are you guys leaving?”

“We’re waiting for Dylan to get out of the bathroom and then we’re going to call a cab to take us to the concert.”

“You don’t have to.”

“Why not?”

“A limo is picking all of you up.”

“Are you serious Nick?!”

“Yes I am.”

“You are too much! You already got us the tickets.”

“Don’t mention it. Just think of it as my graduation present to all of you. It was the least I could do Kayl. What are you wearing so I could tell the driver to look for you?”

I described my outfit and thanked Nick again for hiring the limo and getting the tickets. I explained to my friends sitting around me that Nick hired the limo and we waited for Dylan to return. Once he did we nearly ran out of the restaurant.

The girls and I were shaking with excitement when the limo dropped us off in front of the concert hall. Before we took our seats we bought t-shirts, posters and we each bought the iconic Mickey Mouse ice cream bar. We promised ourselves we would have one every day we were in Disney and we kept our promise. After our ice cream was finished we made our way to our seats and waited excitedly for the show to begin.

That concert was the best! Words can’t even describe how amazing it was. Michelle, Crystal and I fell in love with BSB ever since Nick gave us a quick preview of We’ve Got It Goin’ On. We thought the Boys couldn’t get any better but we never heard them live before.

“They’re even better live!” Michelle exclaimed as she danced along to Get Down.

“And they can dance!” I yelled to my friends.

“What do you guys think of them?” Crystal asked Dan, Chris and Dylan.

“I actually like them,” Chris answered.

“I agree they’re really good entertainers and their songs are really good too,” replied Dan.

“What about you babe?” I asked Dylan as I tried to get him to dance with me.

“I don’t like them,” he said coldly. He stood there with the unhappiest look on his face. It made him look unattractive and he was being just plain boring. He used to be so fun to be with but he changed lately and this change wasn’t for the better. I had a bad feeling our relationship was going to end soon.

My girls and I jumped with joy and excitement when we heard the boys start to sing As Long As You Love Me. It was and still is our favorite song and the three of us keep thinking back to that first concert whenever we hear that song.

I, trying to be cute, wrapped my arms around Dylan’s waist and started to serenade him. He just pushed me aside and walked outside.

“Whatever!” I thought aloud and continued to sing along with my friends.  Why couldn’t Dylan be like Dan and Chris? They were actually having a good time singing along and dancing with us. They gave BSB a try and actually liked them. I don’t know what was up with him but it was really starting to piss me off and disgust me.

The final song of the night was All I Have To Give and it felt like Nick was singing it to me and only me. He had his eyes on me throughout his solos in the song. I had a feeling he saw Dylan walk out on me and was trying to make me feel better… and it was helping… a lot. Nick was so smooth on stage and his voice was perfect. He made me forget about Dylan… until he met up with us to go back stage.

One of Backstreet’s security guards showed us to the room where we were meeting the Boys. Crystal, Michelle and I nearly skipped with linked arms down the hall the security guard was leading us down. Dan and Chris were laughing as they walked behind us.

“What are you laughing at?” Michelle raised her eyebrow.

“You!” Chris chuckled out.

“You girls don’t know how you’re walking. It’s hysterical. We can see your legs quaking. You must be excited,” Dan laughed.

“We are!” the three of us said simultaneously. I saw Dylan roll his eyes out of the corner of my own but I didn’t let it get to me. I had just gone to the best concert of my live and was going to meet the Backstreet Boys, nothing could ruin my mood.

“Well here we are. Have a good time with the Boys,” the guard said as he opened the door.

“Thank you,” I smiled at him.

We walked in slowly and were greeted by Nick.

“Took you guys long enough to get here!” he exclaimed sarcastically.

“Hello Nick,” Crystal said as she hugged him. He laughed at himself and greeted everyone else.

“Hey fellas! My friends are here come and meet them!”

One by one the rest of the Backstreet Boys came out of their dressing room. Us girls looked at each other and smiled widely. We were finally meeting the Backstreet Boys! We had heard so much about them from Nick but actually meeting them was so exciting.

“Fellas these are my best friends Dan, Chris, Crystal, Michelle and Kalie. My BFFs this is Brian, AJ, Howie and Kevin.”

“It’s nice to meet you all,” Kevin said as he shook all of our hands.

“We have heard a lot about you from blabber mouth over here,” Howie joked as he too shook the guys’ hands and kissed each of the girls’.

“Hopefully everything good I hope,” Michelle replied somewhat out of breathe. Crystal and I could tell she was flattered by Howie. We all were.

“No nothing bad. We just hear a lot about all of you because he misses you guys so much,” Brian smiled.

“What can I say it’s true,” Nick shrugged his shoulders.

“Who’s that standing in the back?” Kevin asked looking toward Dylan.

“Oh he’s my boyfriend. Come here honey, they don’t bite. Everyone this is Dylan. Dylan this is Kevin, Howie, Brian and AJ.”

“Nice to meet you dude,” AJ was the first to extend his hand to my boyfriend but quickly withdrew it when Dylan just nodded his head. Awkward silence fell between everyone after Dylan did that. The look on Nick’s face clearly stated he wasn’t happy. “Oh great,” I thought to myself, “Here we go. He’s going to be an ass.”

And he was. The Boys started to make conversation by asking if the guys enjoyed the show. They commented that they actually liked it but Dylan had a different answer.

“To tell you the truth, I think you guys are a whole lot of hype and not that much to show off. I’ve seen better concerts.”

“Well I’m sorry you feel that way,” Kevin said in a calm but strong voice. “We’ll just have to try harder next time.”

“Oh there won’t be a next time. I think you will die down in a few months and people won’t even know who you are anymore.”

“Well that’s just your opinion,” Howie mimicked Kevin’s tone.

I was standing next to Nick and AJ and I overheard AJ whisper to him, “Is this guy for real?”

I felt so embarrassed. I calmly walked over to Dylan and asked, “What is wrong with you?”     

“I don’t want to be here,” he said through gritted teeth. “You met them so let’s go back to the hotel.” He grabbed my wrist and started for the door.

“No how about you go back to the hotel because I’m staying here,” I ripped my hand from his grasp and stood my ground. Nick came closer behind me and so did the other boys standing in the room.

“Come on Kalie just come with me!”

“No!”

“I suggest you leave before I kick you out on the street myself,” Nick said sternly. Dylan, being afraid of Nick, walked out and I didn’t see him again until the next afternoon when we left Disney.

The room was silent for a few seconds before AJ broke the silence, “So… what did you girls really think of the show?”

“Despite my boyfriend being a jackass I loved it. I think you guys are awesome!”

“Awe shucks…” Brian pretended to be shy. We girls giggled.

We stayed for 3 hours just talking with BSB. We were all having a great time and became quick friends. I had a feeling we were going to become really good friends because we would be seeing a lot of each other if it was up to Nick. And we did become friends and we did see a lot of each other but I’m getting a head of myself.

Let’s go back to right before my friends and I left.

I glanced at the clock that read 2 am.

“You know what I just realized?” I glanced at my friends around me. “We have to get up early tomorrow to pack so we can be at breakfast on time.”

“That and we don’t want to be late for the bus either. They’re leaving right after breakfast and if they leave without us they’re not turning back and we’re on our own,” Chris reminded us.

“Do you have to leave? You guys can catch a ride on our tour bus if you want to and we’ll take you home,” Nick offered.

“We already paid for the bus anyway Nick but thanks for the offer bud,” Crystal replied. “Kalie’s right we should get going. I’m getting tired anyway. How about the rest of yas?”

Michelle yawned widely and Dan chuckled, “Well Mich is tired. We better get her home before she becomes cranky.” He turned to the Backstreet Boys and fake whispered, “You really don’t want to see her when she gets cranky.”

Michelle slapped his arm and Dan shielded his head with his arms. He cowardly ran behind me.

“Why’d you hide behind me?” I asked with a laugh in my voice.

“Because I know Mich is scared of you and you love me and you won’t let Mich hurt me,” Dan looked at me with a cute smile. I had to laugh; Dan was pretty cute with his chocolate brown hair and expressive hazel eyes and defined facial features that kind of looked like Nick’s, that little smile made him even cuter.

“It’s a good thing you’re cute Dan man.”

“I know I try.”

Chris, who was sitting next to me, rested his head on my shoulder. I looked down at him and said, “Can I help you?”

“Yeah you can just stay like that because you’re comfy. I can fall asleep like this.” He wrapped his arms around my waist and dug his face into my shoulder like it was a pillow.

“It’s a good thing you’re cute too!” I joked again. Chris and Dan looked like they could be twins except Chris had black hair and darker eyes. He was also a little more muscular than Daniel.

“Wow you guys really can’t party can you?” Brian joked.

“Not really. The boys and Mich can’t but Kalie and I can! We can stay up all night baby!” Crystal gave me a loud high five.

“You got that right did it enough times,” I laughed. “But we really should get back to the hotel.” I lightly pushed Chris’s head off my shoulder and he gave me a dirty look.

“How dare you move me!” he put his fists on his hips. I pulled back my arm like I was ready to punch him. He put his arms up defensively and everyone laughed.

“Damn Kalie, everyone’s afraid of you aren’t they?” Howie chuckled.

“Oh you really don’t want to mess with Kalie. Or any of the three of them for that matter, Tally and Mich are the first ones Kayl calls for back up,” Nick answered.

“Oh gorgeous girls with tough attitudes, I really like you guys!” AJ exclaimed. The three of us blushed.

“My god AJ I think you were the first one to make all three of them blush at the same time!” Dan exclaimed astonished.

“Ok ok, let’s just get these good byes over with before we decide to sleep over here,” Michelle spoke up.

“Yes ma’m Michelle ma’m!” we all stood at attention and saluted her.

She shook her head, “I hate when you guys do that.”

“We know you do.”

“Well hopefully you guys will be able to catch a few more shows before tour ends because I would really like to hang with you guys sometime,” Kevin said kindly as he said bye to everyone. “It was really nice to meet all of you.”

“It was nice to meet you too Kevin. And hopefully you guys can come to one of our houses and we can chill there. All of us have pools and the beach is close to us too,” Crystal replied.

“I’d like that.”

The rest of the boys said their see you laters and they all said how happy they were to have finally met us. They were all so nice and down to earth and they were so appreciative that we really enjoyed the show and their music in general. Before we left they signed each of our tour t-shirts.

“Well Nick thank you so much for the tickets and backstage passes. You’re the best bud!” I said as I hugged him.

“You’re welcome Kay. I’m gunna miss you.”

“I’m gunna miss you too Kaos. Do you know when you’ll be finished with touring?”

“We have no idea but I’ll call you when I find out.”

“Ok bud. Good night.”

“Good night Kalie,” he kissed my forehead and the security guard lead us to the waiting limo.

“So you still don’t think Nick is still crushing on you?” Michelle asked.

I looked at her like she had five heads. Nobody mentioned Nick having a crush on me since my sweet 16. I guess that subject just died down when I started dating again.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I replied quickly deciding to play dumb.

“Oh come on Kayl!” said Crystal. “He got you tickets, backstage passes and he kissed you on the head when you said good night. Kalie, since when does he kiss you? I know you guys always hugged but he never gave you friendship kisses before!”

“But Chris and I have kissed her before? What does that have to do with it?” Dan asked.

“But Tally’s right. Nick has never kissed Kay before,” Chris agreed.

“So he started kissing me good night. It’s no big deal.”

“Sure that’s what you think now,” Michelle said with a raised eye brow.

I really didn’t know what the big deal was about Nick giving me a good night kiss. It wasn’t like he French kissed me; it was just a tiny peck on the forehead.       

Chapter 3 Grandma’s Frosted Banana Cake and Losing My Temper  

Two days after Nick and the Backstreet Boys went back on tour and the senior class of ’98 got back from Disney, Nick called me with exciting news.

“Kalie! I have good news for you!”

“What is it hun?”

“We’ll be finished with touring in 2 months, then we’ll be back in Florida to record a new album!”

“Oh my gosh that’s awesome! Where are you guys now?”

“New York. We’re having a show in Madison Square Garden at 8 tonight.”

“That must be exciting. I’ve always wanted to go there to see a concert.”

“I can get you in. Heck I can get you a plane. You doing anything tonight?” he said seriously.

“I’m practicing for that big dance competition I told you about remember?”

“Oh yeah that’s right. When is that again?”

“Two months from now. And it lasts for three days.”

“Hopefully I’ll be back home in time to cheer you on.”

“I hope so too. Kase and I are gunna need all the good luck charms we can get.”

My twin and I always called our friends and family that came to our dance competitions our good luck charms because the more that showed up, the better we would do in the competition. I remember our first competition only our parents and grandparents and siblings came and we got fifth. It was good for our first competition but as more people came to support us the higher we would rank. When we won our first, first place trophy 28 people cheered us on from the stands. From then on Kasey and my lucky number was 28 and all those friends and family became known as our good luck charms.

“I think I’ll be able to come to at least one or two of them.”

“Well I’ll pray that you can. Listen I have to go or I’ll be late for practice and then I have work after that. I’ll talk to you later Kaos.”

“Have fun practicing and I’ll see you in 2 months.”

“I can’t wait!”

“Me neither Kalie. Talk to you later. Bye babe.”

“Bye sweetie.”

I hung up the phone and grabbed my keys. Wait… did he just call me babe? And did I call him sweetie? I thought to myself as I locked the door behind me. My close group of friends and I always called each other hun or honey but that was about it.

After two months of practicing for the competition, Kasey, myself and the rest of our dance team were ready and itching to battle for the trophy. We were all getting tired of doing the same dances over and over again and we could all perform them in our sleep. I just wanted to get it all over with so I could learn new material. Also I was itching to see Nick again.

A day before the competition, after Kasey and I came home from our final group competition practice, I was watching a movie with Dylan when I got a very pleasant surprise.

The door bell rang and Dylan looked at the door and said in an angered voice, “Who could that be?”

“Why do you get so angry?” I asked as I went to answer the door.

“It seems like we can’t get time to ourselves anymore. You’re always practicing for that competition and I’m rehearsing for my college play. I don’t see you anymore. We don’t get any time alone.”

“Well I don’t know what to tell you Dylan. Things will hopefully slow down when your show is over and my competition is finished.”

“Sure it will,” Dylan said sarcastically under his breath.

I shook my head then opened the door.

“NICK!” I screamed when I saw his smiling face on my front stoop.

“Kalie! I’ve missed you so much!” He hugged me and lifted me off the ground.

“I miss you too Kaos! Come on in! I’ll give you the tour of the house. And where are you staying while you record?”

“Home. I figured I should spend some time with the fam.”

I showed him into the six bedroom house that my siblings and I shared the rent for. We decided to move in together because it was closer to the colleges the four of us were attending, Kim being in her 3rd year, Kyle in his 2nd, and Kasey and I just getting started.

“It’s a nice place you got here Kay.”

“Thank you. But this is my second favorite place in the house, the living room,” I showed him into the comfiest room, beside my own, in the house and he looked around the spacey, relaxing room.

Dylan looked up from the couch and sighed out of disgust when he realized Nick was standing next to me.

“We have company Dylan say hello.” I was starting to sound like a mother trying to make her toddler to be polite.

“Hi,” he muttered.

“Hey,” Nick muttered back.

“Well sit down Kaos and make yourself at home. Wanna stay for dinner? I’m making my mom’s ziti and I think I’ve made enough to feed an army.”

“I’ll be happy to stay. I love your mom’s ziti but I don’t think you have ever made it for me before.”

“That’s because I haven’t. But I decided to try it because mom and dad, grandma and grandpa are coming over for dinner tonight.”

“That’s perfect because I was going to visit them too while I was home.” Because Nick and I grew up together, Nick was like another part of my family.  He always called my family his second set of parents and grandparents and his family considered me apart of theirs.

Dinner turned out well, surprisingly. Everyone complemented on my first batch of my mom’s famous ziti and she was impressed. I was feeling very accomplished and I was getting so many complements.

“Kalie dinner was awesome!” Kim’s boyfriend James said as he placed his plate in the dishwasher.

“Thanks James.”

“So what’s for desert?” Kyle’s girlfriend Melissa asked.

“I made frosted banana cake,” Grandma replied.

“Oh Grandma Smith I was hoping you’d say that at least once while I was home! You don’t know much I have missed your baking!” Nick exclaimed with a huge grin on his face.

“You know what honey you can get the first piece, the heel. I know it’s your favorite,” she replied sweetly.

“Oh thank you Grandma Smith. You know me too well,” Nick hugged her.

She chuckled, “Well I did see enough of you when you were growing up. You’re like a third grandson Nickolas.”

“Awe!”

“Kiss ass,” Dylan whispered to Nick as he passed him to take a seat on the couch next to me.

I heard him and slapped his thigh hard with the back of my hand when my grandmother went into the kitchen to help Kim cut the cake.

“What was that for?!” he demanded.

“For calling Nick a kiss ass!”

Dylan looked at me and then at Nick, “So Nick… did Kalie always stand up for you while you just stood back and watched like you’re doing right now? What’s the matter can’t stand up for yourself?”

Nick glared hard at him and practically lunged for his throat. I had to throw my full body weight into Nick to stop him from doing so. I couldn’t believe Dylan was starting this in front of my family. They were sitting in the same room and he was acting like they were invisible!

“Dylan! Why the fuck are you starting this shit now in front of my family?! You can’t at least try to act civil can’t you?!”

“No I can’t! Not when he’s around!” he glared at Nick.

“Well you know what… if you can’t play nice you’re leaving!”

“Why do I have to leave?! I’m your boyfriend! He’s the one who should leave!”

I was so frustrated that I blew up in his face, “He didn’t start shit, you did! You’re being an asshole Dylan! Nick did nothing to you! Leave! Now!”

He gave Nick one last death glare and left the house.

My family stayed dead quiet. My grandfather looked at me to take in my facial expression but he didn’t utter a word. He looked like a wise, old owl looking into my eyes. I felt so embarrassed for blowing up like that and that Dylan was being such a jerk.

I sighed and apologized, “I’m sorry you all had to see that. That was the final straw. I haven’t seen Nick in months and Dylan was his normal self before and when Nick finally comes home he turns into an asshole. I can’t stand when he does that.”

“Maybe you should think about ending that relationship Kalie,” my mother said as she helped hand out the cake with Kim and Grandma.

“Mom… please. I don’t want to hear this right now.”

“Kalie Marie Smith. What is the point of having a relationship with a guy who frustrates you to the point of exploding and cursing him off in front of your family?  Kalie honey… I think you’re going to have to choose between Dylan or Nick pretty soon before something you’re going to regret happens.”

I looked down at the promise ring Dylan slipped onto my left ring finger and I started moving it with my other hand that I wore the amethyst heart ring Nick gave me for my sweet 16. I had worn that ring every day since he gave it to me. I stopped playing with the simple silver band with tiny quarts in it and sighed, “I’ll have to think about it… but not right now. I’m so stressed out with the competition coming up this Friday and trying out for my college’s dance team, I can’t think straight.”  

“Kalie deary for now let’s just have a piece of cake, watch a movie and relax,” Grandma handed me a nice sized piece of her cake and kissed my forehead.

“Yes listen to your grandmother baby. I brought your favorite Laurel and Hardy tapes,” Grandpa commented. He handed Kyle the tapes and my brother set up the VCR. When my siblings and I were younger, and not able to stay home by ourselves while our parents were working, we would stay at our grandparents house and watch Laurel and Hardy constantly after school. We loved the old comedies and they were ageless. If any of us were having a bad day we would just give our grandparents a visit and watch some Laurel and Hardy.

I took my seat inbetween Kasey and Nick and relaxed as I ate Grandma’s delicious banana cake and laughed at the crazy antics of my favorite old time comedians.

After my family left Nick helped my siblings and I put away the dishes before he went home.

“Thanks for helping us put these away. Are you sure you don’t want to sleep over tonight? We do have two guest rooms you know.”

“Thanks for the offer Kalie but I already told my parents I would be home tonight and all my stuff is over there anyway. I’ll be home for a while so I’ll stay over at least once I promise.”

“Ok Nick. I’m sorry Dylan called you that and said you couldn’t defend yourself. Maybe you should’ve fought him and taught him a lesson. Maybe that would have shut him up.”

“I couldn’t do that in front of your family. I was raised better than that.”

“I know you were Nick.”

“I better get home before my mom starts calling me. Good night Kalie. I’ll most likely see you tomorrow after I finish with the recording studio.”

“Good night Nick. I’m so happy you’re home.”

“Me too,” he kissed my forehead and I smiled at him. He waved at me as he got into his car and I waved back as he drove away.

I locked the door behind me and headed up stairs to get ready for bed. I changed out of my clothes and into my sweat pants and tank top I used for pjs. I sat down on my bed and looked down at my promise ring.

It was starting to become scratched up and dull. When Dylan gave it to me it was shinny and flawless, now the stainless steel ring was being deeply scratched and one of the tiny quarts was missing. I then looked at the ring Nick gave me. It shimmered like new even though I wore it every day no matter what the occasion was. I wore the promise ring every day too but it was more beaten up and old looking. Nick’s ring was perfect; no stones were missing from it and no scratches were carved into the silver.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” I thought out loud to myself. I pulled the promise ring off and placed it on my bedside table like I always did each night, then I pulled off Nick’s ring. It was routine for me to do that but I just realized that I pretty much ripped Dylan’s ring off my finger but I slowly removed Nick’s and gently placed it in its box like it was a piece of glass. Maybe I was just angry at Dylan and I wanted Nick to be close to me for as long as possible or I always did that and just noticed it now.

I crawled under my covers and was about to turn off my light when I heard a knock on my door.            

“Kalie it’s just us. Can we come in and talk to you?” I heard Kyle’s voice from behind my door.

I sat myself up and called out, “Come in.”

Kyle walked in first and sat at the foot of my bed. Kim came in next and lay under the covers with me. Kasey lay across Kim’s and my legs. I was expecting this because we would always talk like this.

“Sis are you ok?” Kim asked as she pushed my head onto her shoulder and hugged me.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

“Kayl, how do you feel when Dylan acts like that?” Kyle asked.

I sighed, “I feel frustrated because I want my best friend and my boyfriend to get along. Dylan gets along with you and Kase fine and he’s friendly around Chris and Dan. I don’t get why he’s a complete ass to Nick.”

“I think he’s scared Nick will take you from him,” Kim said.

“Not you too! I hear enough of that from my friends. I doubt Nick likes me more than just a friend. He’s too much like my third brother. I can’t even imagine myself being more than just friends with him.”

“Kay… who do you think is more important?” Kasey asked. His dark brown eyes pierced into mine. I looked at Kim and Kyle and their dark brown eyes pierced into mine as well. I couldn’t get away from “The Smith Stare” as it was called.

I could feel a lump in my throat but I pushed it down because I never cried over a guy, not even when I broke up with my first boyfriend. I was taught that guys were just guys and to move on with life. “I don’t know who is more important to me. I mean Nick and I have been best friends since before we could walk and talk and he’s been there for me through all of my previous boyfriends, especially the bad ones. And Dylan… he’s special to me too. He’s the only boyfriend that I’ve had for this long. It’s just that he’s changed ever since BSB got more and more popular. It’s so hard to choose between the two of them. What should I do?”

Kim wrapped her arms around me and placed her head on the top of mine, “It’s hard to say what you should do. I know what I want you to do, heck I know what pretty much everyone including Nick, your friends, and everyone who was here tonight wants you to do but it’s your decision.”

“Yeah kiddo. We’re not telling you to break up with Dylan but it might make you happier. We have seen you become more and more stressed out over him and it’s really taking its toll on you. You haven’t really been yourself lately,” Kyle said.

“Yeah Kayl. That’s the happiest I have seen you in a while when Dylan left and you were sitting next to Nick watching Laurel and Hardy. You were so relaxed and content. I haven’t heard you laugh like that in a few months,” Kasey commented. “Even Dan, Chris, Tally and Mich think you have changed along with Dylan.”

“I guess I have been stressing with the competition and I’ve been missing Nick like crazy. Dylan’s shit just isn’t helping.”

“Maybe it is time to say good bye to him Kalie,” Kim said gently.

“I don’t know Kimmie. I’d think I’d miss him too much.”

“You never know,” said Kyle. “You could be a lot happier.”

“I’ll have to think about it.”

“Do you feel any better?” asked Kasey.

“I actually do.” I smiled at my siblings. “Who needs a physiatrist when you have your siblings?”

They laughed and said their good nights.

“I love you all.”

“We love you too Kalie,” they all said as they left my room. I turned out my light and feel asleep as I thought about the big decision I had to make. 

Chapter 4 Your First Love… Really?

The next day after I finished my teaching job at the dance studio and practice for the last time with Kasey and my other partner Mark, I called Dylan.

“Yes Kalie?”

“Can you come over today?”

“Will Nick be there?”

“I don’t know. He said he would be after he’s done with the recording studio. He said he would call me to tell me when he’s coming over and he hasn’t called me yet.”

“I’m not coming over if he is.”

“Dylan we really need to talk.”

There was silence on the other line for a while until he muttered, “Fine. I’ll be over in half an hour. “

“Thanks.”

“I have to go they are calling me for scene two. Bye.”

“Bye.”

I pulled into the drive way to find Nick’s car parked in front of my parking space. He hopped out of the car as I got out of mine.

“What are you doing here so early?!”

“Lou let us out and we started earlier this morning.”

“Well come on in and make yourself at home. We can get some peace and quiet before Dylan comes over.”

“Oh?”

“I need to talk to him but don’t worry about it. I need to relax for a little bit before he comes anyway.”

It was nice to be with Nick alone for the half hour before Dylan came over. We just sat on the couch together and watched MTV.

“Can I stay over tonight? I have the weekend off and I also have no idea where I’m going for the competition tonight so I figured I would follow you.”

“Sure you can stay tonight. And I’ll be taking a bus but we can drive to the dance studio together. The bus is picking the team up there.”

The doorbell rang and I got up to answer it knowing it was Dylan. He did have keys but he left them when he stormed out the night before.

“You wanted to talk?”

“Yeah I do. Follow me.” I took his hand and dragged him into the house.

He stopped like a stubborn mule when he saw Nick sitting on the couch.

“What is he doing here?!” Dylan practically yelled.

“He’s over here because he is coming to the competition with me tonight. But don’t worry about him because we need to talk up stairs.”

I dragged him up to my room and closed the door behind me.

****Nick’s Point Of View******

I know it wasn’t my business but I had to sit on the stair so I could listen to what they were saying. I was having this bad feeling something was going to happen and Kalie was going to get hurt in some way. I had to know what they were going to talk about I just had to.

*****Kalie’s Point Of View*****

Dylan sat down on my bed and I went to close my door. Just before my door closed I heard Quit Playing Games play on MTV. I smirked slightly because it fit the mood I was in.

“So talk,” Dylan commanded.

“What is wrong with you? Why have you been so commanding lately?”

“I don’t know. I guess I’m stressed over this part. It’s very important you know.”

“I know. It’s your first college role. You’ve been bragging about it ever since you got it.” I stood in front of him and took a deep breath in, “I think it’s time to decide where this relationship is going.”

“What?”

“Dylan… it’s like you have been Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde lately. When it’s just you and me alone you’re normal Dylan but when Nick comes into the picture you turn into this short tempered, asshole. I’m really tired of it. I hate that you have become like this. Now I’m going to tell you that you have two options: one you change and realize that Nick is just my best friend and there is nothing between us, or two we break up and you won’t have to worry about him at all anymore.”

He shot up from the bed and stared down at me. “How dare you tell me what to do!” he said through gritted teeth.

The next thing I felt was his hand hit my face and I heard a loud, painful slap.

“How dare you! You don’t tell me what to do I tell you what to do! It’s either me or him Kalie! Which one is it gunna be and you better be wise about your decision!”

I clutched my face with my hand and I could feel it burning.

I stood up to him and said strongly looking right into his eyes, “I choose Nick!”

He pulled back his arm and his hand formed into a fist. He swung for me but I grabbed his hand with my left and gave him a nasty right hook. The ring Nick gave me cut open Dylan’s bottom lip and made him bleed.

He touched his cut lip and looked down at the blood on his fingers, “You made me bleed! I can’t believe you made me fucking bleed!”

His eyes seemed to turn red with anger as he forcefully pushed me to the floor. A sharp pain shot through my left ankle as I was knocked off balance. My left hip banged against my book shelf and I winced in pain.

Dylan crouched down next to me. He got in my face and hissed, “We’re over bitch!”

I ripped off the scratched and dull promise ring and yelled back, “Have a nice life son of a bitch!” I threw the ring in his face and it hit his eye. He clutched his eye and before he stormed out of my room, he kicked my stomach knocking the breath out of me.

****Nick’s Point Of View******

I quickly jumped back to the couch when I heard Kalie’s bedroom door fly open. Dylan came stomping past me and as he did I saw blood coming from his lower lip. Before he opened the door he gave me one last glance and I noticed his eye ball was red and the lid was starting to turn black and blue.

“What happened to you?” I knew Kalie was the reason for it. She was tough and knew how to defend herself.

“You’re fucking girlfriend that’s what!” He flew out the door and slammed it behind him.

I shook my head and turned down the TV listening for Kalie’s footsteps but they didn’t come.

I moved closer to the stairs and heard something that sounded like sobs.

I bounded up the stairs taking them two at a time and gently pushed open Kalie’s door.

I was shocked when I found her curled in a fetal position on the floor. I lowered myself down to her and pulled her into my arms.

“What did he do to you?”

“He… he… hit me! I… h…hit him back then… he pushed me… into the… book shelf… and… and… then he… he kicked me!” she said between her sobs. “He spat in my face, ‘We’re done bitch!’ and I threw the ring in his face! Nick, he kicked my stomach and left! And I think I sprained my ankle! What am I going to do for the competition tonight?!”

“I’ll go get you an ice pack and you’ll be fine for the competition. But first let me get you up on the bed.” I picked her up and placed her gently on her queen sized bed. “I’ll be right back with the ice pack.” I delicately brushed my thumb under her right eye to dry away her tears. Her face was red and felt hot. I tried my best to wipe away the tears as gently as possible but she still winced as I did so. “I’ll get you an ice pack for your face too.”

I raced down the stairs to get the ice packs. I dug into the freezer and found them quickly. I could still hear her sobs while I was in the kitchen. My heart strings were being tugged at and I could feel my blood boiling. Dylan was going to pay for this if I ever saw him again. If I had known Kalie was lying on the floor in pain when he left I would have given him more than just a cut lip and a black eye. If I knew what he did to my best friend I would have beat the shit out of him and he would have been limping out of the house and speaking in a falsetto voice if it was up to me.

I returned to Kalie who was still crying and handed her one of the ice packs. She placed it on her face and I gently touched the other one to her ankle which she propped up on a pillow.

I sat down next to her and held the ice pack in place. I looked up to her and saw her tears were staring to slow down.

“I’ve never seen you like this before Kalie. You were never this upset about a boyfriend,” I said quietly. I shouldn’t have asked this but I just had to know why, “What made him so different?”

“I thought he would be different! He was my first love Nick! I loved him and I thought he loved me too! I thought he loved me enough to trust me when I said you were only my friend! I can’t believe he did this! I thought he loved me!” The tears poured from her eyes again.

I quickly sat next to her and brought her into my arms. Her face dug into the crook of my neck and her tears leaked into my shirt and onto my skin. I rubbed my hands up and down her back trying to comfort her.

I didn’t know what to say. Stupidly I said this, “You’re first love… really?”

“Yes Nick he was. He was my first lover too.”

Did I just hear her right? I thought to myself as I processed the muffled words she spoke into my shoulder.

I slowly pushed her off my shoulder so I could look at her face and asked, “What did you just say?”

“I said he was my first lover. I loved him so much that I let him take my virginity Nick. It was the night he gave me that damn promise ring. He knew I didn’t want to get married right after high school so he gave me that ring and promised me he would wait for me to finish college and get my carrier started. He was the one I thought I was going to marry Nick but…”

“Ssh, ssh,” I interrupted her. “Come here Kalie.” I brought her back into my arms again and she rested her head on my chest as she cried. “He shouldn’t have done this to you. I should have beat the shit out of him before he left. And I should’ve been up here faster if I had only known what he had done to you.”

“And I should have listened to you,” she whispered.

“What do you mean?”

“You said you had a feeling something bad was going to happen between Dylan and me. And you said he wasn’t right for me. I should have listened to you but I guess I was just deaf and blinded by him. So go ahead and say it.”

“Say what?”

“Go ahead and say you told me so,” she sniffled and more tears started to roll down her cheeks. “Just go ahead and say it Nick. Get it over with now.”

I cupped her face in my hands and spoke softly to her looking into her eyes, “I can’t say that to you. I don’t want to hurt you more than you already are. It was something you had to figure out for yourself and I’m so sorry it had to come down to this.”

“It’s not your fault. It’s mine.”

“It’s not your fault either. You can’t blame this on any one except Dylan. He was the jerk through all of this.”  

“I feel so stupid! I should have just listened to you and everyone else who told me the truth about him!”

She buried her face into my shoulder again and I did the only thing I could think of that could possibly comfort her.

*****Kalie’s Point Of View*****

I sobbed into Nick’s shoulder. The tears were a mixture of the pain from losing my first love and the pain coming from my ankle and hip. I was also scared about the competition that was in mere hours. I had trained so hard for it and I didn’t want to let my coach and team mates down, especially my brother.

As I continued to cry Nick started to sing one of my favorite Backstreet Boys songs and my sobs started to cease.

“I don’t know

What he does to make you cry”

He lifted my chin and looked into my eyes before he continued.

“But I’ll be there to make you smile”

He grinned like he did in the video and I gave a small giggle.

“I don’t have a fancy car to get to you

I’d walk a thousand miles

I don’t care if he buys you nice things

Does his gifts come from the heart?

I don’t know but because you are my best friend

I’d make it so you’d never be hurt again”

I smiled at Nick’s quick change of lyrics and his smooth voice. I’ve always loved his voice and it kept getting better and better over time.

“For my love is all I have to give

Without you I don’t think I can live

I wish I could give the world to you

But love is all I have to give”

“Did that make you feel any better?”

“It made me feel a lot better. Thank you Nick. You always do know how to make me feel better.”

About twenty minutes later my family and best friends came over to eat a quick dinner of Grandma’s mac and cheese before the competition. My siblings too came home from their classes.

Nick helped me get down the stairs. I could walk but it hurt like hell. Nick sat me down in my chair at the dining room table and I stayed there.

My mother and grandmother took a look at my ankle and doubted that I sprained it and commented that I would be able to dance that night. Sprained ankle or not I was going to dance through the pain. My team was counting on me and I wasn’t going to let them down.

“Ok you guys figure out what cars you are taking while Kasey and I go get changed,” I said as I started to get up from my chair.

“Oh no you don’t,” Kasey jumped for me and pushed me back down on the chair. “You are not walking until you absolutely have to so we can save that ankle of yours. Mom and Grandma said you can walk and dance but I’ll carry you around tonight if it means saving that ankle. You’re one of the best on this team and we can’t afford to lose you now.”   

“Kase I’m fine,” I tried to get up again and walk away but Kasey scooped me up and carried me up the stairs in the firefighter hold.

I crossed my arms as Casey climbed the stairs. Kim followed so she could help me get my outfit on.

“Ouch!” she exclaimed when she saw the bruises on my stomach and hip. “I think we should put a little bit of cover up on that. Don’t you have the cha-cha today? And aren’t you wearing the two piece with the slit hip?”

“Yeah the peach colored one. But the split hip is the other side and,” I looked down at the bruise on my stomach and exclaimed, “Oh god, I need a lot of cover up for this monster!”

Kim laughed and I chuckled too. I pulled the top piece of my outfit over my head and Kim helped me with the shirt. Then she covered my bruise and worked on my facial make up and did my hair.

“Where is the ace bandage Kayl?”

“In my bathroom under the sink and on the hanger that I had the outfit on there is an extra strip of fabric that you can tie around the bandage.”

“Good idea.”

“The boys are tying theirs around their arms and us girls were going to do the same but I’ll just ask them to tie it around their ankles so we’re all uniform. I have a feeling they’ll do that for me. I’m like their captain anyway.”

Kim found the wrap and the strip of fabric easily. She slowly wrapped my ankle and tied the fabric into a perfect bow. I slipped my heels on and Kyle carried me down stairs.

Once my teammates found out what happened they all doted over me and the guys took turns carrying me around wherever I needed to go.

My coach flipped out when she found out, “Oh my god Kalie are you ok?!”

“Yes Dia I’m fine.”

“No you’re not you were just beaten up and why the hell are you here?! You can’t walk! What makes you think you can dance?!”

“Dia… I can walk my teammates, especially my brother, are just freaking out and are trying to save my ankle. To tell you the truth it’s working. I snuck a quick walk to the bathroom with Angela and it didn’t hurt when I did walk on my own. I’ll be fine out there. The team is counting on me and I’m not going to let them down.”

“There’s my star pupil! I should have known you would say that. You guys are up in five minutes and then the first day of competition is over. I’ll go get one of the boys to bring you to the dance floor. Break a leg out there Kalie.”

“Thanks Dia.”

Mark walked into the waiting room right after Dia walked out. He smiled at me and I smiled back.

“You ready to dance gimpy?”

“Yes I am Mark and look,” I got up and walked toward him, “I’m not limping at all.”

“That’s because you’re not really using it. I have a feeling you’ll be hurting after the cha-cha.”

“It’s not the cha-cha I’m worried about its tomorrow’s fox trot and jive I’m worried about. Then on Sunday we have the rumba and the free style.”

“Well I know you Kay, you’re tougher then nails. Knowing you… you’ll dance through the pain huh?”

“Yup! You got that right.”

“Good because this team would fall apart without you Kayl.”

“Oh stop. I’m not that good.”

“Yes you are! You’re the best girl out there! Why do you think we all call you captain?”

“Alright, alright enough with the flattery we have to get to the dance floor before we’re yelled at.”

“Ok Kayl,” he picked me up and gave me a piggy back ride to the dance floor.

Mark was another good friend of mine. He started dancing with me when he moved to Florida about six years ago. He was really talented and he and I became good friends as we were constantly being paired up. A lot of people said we would start dating at one point of our lives but it never happened. We tried but it was too awkward. He was like another brother to me, except that I thought his black hair, brown eyes, and well-formed muscles were cute.

We got to the dance floor and lined up with our partners, mine being Kasey. He leaned toward me and asked, “How is your ankle?”

“It’s fine stop worrying about it and get into dance mode.” He did as I told and when we were all ready Dia started our music.      

 Chapter 5 I Don’t Care If A Fish Eats It

****Nick’s Point Of View******

The music started and Kalie and her team rushed onto the floor in synchronized steps. I sat at the edge of my seat between Chris and Kyle. I watched intensely and nervously.  

The girls wore a very cute peach colored two piece outfit and the boys matched them with black slacks and the same colored shirts. They even had their hair styled the same way; the girls pulled their hair back in curled ponytails that bounced with each step they took and the guys wore their hair slicked back. The dancers all pretty much looked the same expect for Kalie. She was the only one who stood out to me. She was the shortest one, even in heels, in her 5’4 frame. The other girls pretty much dwarfed her at six foot or over. Her little body packed so much energy though and it looked like she never hurt her ankle. I still watched her intensely at the edge of my seat ready to run to her aid if she needed me.

I was put into this trance as I watched her body twist and turn as she performed the cute cha-cha routine. I never noticed she had abs before and how defined they were. I pulled my eyes away from her torso and focused on her face. She was smiling the brightest smile and looked like she didn’t have a care in the world as she danced with her twin. This was what she loved to do and this was her comfort zone and her wide, shinning smile showed that. I smiled as I watched her. It seemed like she forgot all about what happened a few hours prior.

I was amazed at how synced the entire team was. Each step was placed perfectly and they all wore these bright confident smiles.

“Now this is a team!” I thought to myself. “BSB should work more on being this in step.”

They all stopped on the right time too unlike the other teams. To me Kalie’s team seemed much more practiced and ready for the competition then all the others.      

Her family and friends all stood up and clapped, yelled, whistled and screamed for Kalie and Kyle. They turned toward us and blew kisses in our direction. I screamed, “You go Kalie!” and whistled. She laughed and started to blush.

“So you’re still crushing on her huh?” Chris asked as I watched the team walk off the dance floor.

“What?”

“You heard me. Don’t play dumb with me Carter. I know you like Kalie, I mean like Kalie. We all know dude. We figured it out at her sweet 16.”

I acted quickly and played dumb, “I don’t know what you’re talking about dude. I’m just glad she did such an awesome job out there.”

“Oh come on Nick we are all proud of her but… you like her, you want her.”

“Shove off man, she’s my friend. Nothing more,” I lightly shoved him and said in my head hopefully, “Yet.”

We met up with the team after they changed and congratulated them on their first dance they preformed perfectly.

“Kalie that was awesome!”

“Thanks Nick. But you haven’t seen the half of it yet.”

“How’s your ankle?”

“It hurts a little bit but I’ll be ok to walk.”

“No you’re not. I’m carrying you to the car and back into the house when we get home,” I grabbed her waist with one arm and with the other lifted her feet off the ground. She looked at me with one of her eye brows raised and a hard look in her eyes.

“If you’re going to carry me Nick, give me a piggy back ride. I’m more comfortable like that.”

“Ok,” I put her down and leaned over so she could hop on my back. I started carrying her to my car and commented, “Are you feeling ok? You didn’t argue when I said I was carrying you.”

“I’ve just decided that too many guys have fought with me about walking on my own that if they offer to carry me I’ll just let them. I’m tired of fighting over it. You just have to promise that you’ll let me walk on my own when the competition is over.”

“I promise.”

“Wait Kaos…”

“Yes?”

“Did you say when we get home?”

“Yeah. I wanted to ask you if I could sleep over tonight. Oh and I’m supposed to ask for the rest of us too.”

“Sure you can all stay over tonight. I just have to figure out where you guys are going to sleep. I only have two guest rooms.”

“Well you do have the living room full of couches and the fully finished basement Kayl.”

“Oh yeah I forgot about those rooms.” We both chuckled as I set her down and opened the car door for her.

I decided to take the long way home for some reason. Maybe I just wanted to have Kalie for myself for a little while. It was just the two of us in my car and I was glad it was only the two of us because I had a feeling I wasn’t going to get some time with her alone with everything going on.

I took the road that led to the harbor where my family kept our boat and Kalie spoke up, “Can we go to the harbor?”

“Sure. Why do you wanna go there?”

“I need to take care of something.”

“Ok.”

I turned into the harbor and parked as close as possible to where my boat was docked.

“Where do you want to go?” I asked as I helped Kalie get out of the car.

“To the end of the pier if you don’t mind. I just want to sit there for a minute.”

I gave her another piggy back ride to the end of the pier and we sat with our feet dangling off the edge. It was low tide so we didn’t have to worry about getting our feet wet.

“So…” I started to say, “Why did you want to come here?”

She pulled something out of her sweat pants pocket and replied, “I didn’t know what to do with this until you turned onto that road.”

I glanced at the thing she held in her palm. It was the promise ring Dylan gave her. “Can I see that for a second?”

“Go right ahead.”

I looked closely at the ring. I rolled my eyes when I saw the missing stone and gap in the silver colored band. I guess it chipped off when he knocked her to the floor. I guess that proved that to some people promises were meant to be broken.

“What are you going to do with it?”

“This…” she took the ring from me and said as she held it in front of her face, “Good bye Dylan, your ring is broken and so is your promise. And like your ring I’ll never see you again.” With that she chucked the ring into the calm water. I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and brought her into my chest just in case she was ready to cry. She didn’t. I guess the ring was at the harbor bottom already because she was over Dylan.

*****Kalie’s Point Of View*****       

I felt relieved to get rid of that ring and Dylan. For all I cared the ring could have been swallowed by a fish that could have possibly found its way onto Dylan’s dinner plate. I pictured him taking a bite of the fish and choking on the ring. A fantasy out of pure anger and hate I know but a girl can fantasize can’t she?

“You ok hun?”

“I’m a lot better now. The ring and him are gone.”

Nick held me close for a little while and rubbed his hand comfortingly up and down my arm. I guess he was expecting me to cry but I already did enough of that earlier.

There was no wonder why Nick was my best friend, he was being so supportive and comforting by just being there for me. I was so lucky he was there.

“Let’s go home. I’m friggin’ bushed and knowing the way my brothers drive, everyone is probably home already,” I said to him gently pulling out of his hold.

I was right. Everyone who was going to sleep over were already at my house by the time Nick carried me in and up to my room.

“Kay what are we doing for sleeping arrangements?” Crystal asked.

“Well Tally, my grandparents are staying over as well as my parents and the boys. My parents and grandparents are taking the guest rooms. The boys could take either the living room or basement and you girls could take whatever they don’t take.”

“Oh.”

“Oh what?” I asked my best friend.

“Mich and I were wondering if we could sleep in your room with you like we used to do.”

“You two need to talk to me don’t you?”

“You know us way too well Kay.”

“Alright you can sleep with me.”

“Thanks Kayl. I’ll go get my things from my car and tell Mich we’re sleeping together.”

After we all changed into our pjs, Crystal and Michelle sandwiched me into my own bed. We snuggled under my comforters together like we used to do when we were little and turned out the lights.

“Why did you and Nick get home so late tonight hun?” Michelle asked.

“Well Mich,” I sighed. “I had to get rid of something.”

“What did you have to get rid of?”

“Dylan’s broken promise ring.”

“Where’d you put it?” asked Crystal shocked.

“I threw it into the harbor where Nick keeps the boat.”

“Alright!” exclaimed Crystal.

“That’s my girl!” cried Michelle as she gave me a high five.

“How do you feel about getting rid of it?” Crystal asked.

“To tell you the truth Tally, I’m relieved. Both the ring and that asshole are gone now never to be seen again.”

“What was Nick’s reaction?” Michelle questioned.

“He held me like I was going to cry but I didn’t.”

“You didn’t cry? So… that means you’re over him already?” Crystal asked me.

“Yeah Tally. Once I knew the ring was gone Dylan vanished from my memory for a bleak instant. I mean I’ll always remember him but only because I learned from him.”

“Are you sure you’re ok?” Michelle hugged me.

I hugged her back and answered, “I’m sure I’m sure. Dylan and I are over. Besides, Nick was there to comfort me. He’s the friggin best and you have no idea how happy I am that he’s home.”

“The three of us are happy he’s home. And I’m glad he was there for you because Mich and I weren’t,” Crystal took her turn to hug me.

“He’s been really protective and,” Michelle used her hands for a quoting motion, “hands on with you lately hasn’t he?”

“What do you mean by hands on?”

“Well Tally and I have noticed that he was been hugging you and reaching for you a lot lately.”

“Really Mich?”

“Really Kay.”

“I’ve also seen how happy you too have been around each other,” Crystal commented.

“Well of course we would be happy around each other because we have missed each other so much.”

“But Kalie…” Michelle spoke up, “I have never seen his face glow like it did when he introduced you to the rest of BSB and I have never seen someone watch you dance so intensely like he did tonight. It was like he was in a trance Kayl.”

“Really?”

My best friends nodded their heads.

“We both really think he’s crushing on you Kay,” Crystal shrugged her shoulders.

“Seriously?! It can’t be! He’s my best friend! It’s like we’re brother and sister. He can’t be crushing on me.”

Michelle and Crystal looked at each other and Crystal said, “Are you being defensive because possibly you’re crushing on him too?”

I looked at her with wide, shocked eyes, “Crushing on Nick would be like crushing on Kasey or Kyle!”

“Ok Kay. We’ll just wait and see. Maybe you’ll change your mind,” Michelle said calmly.

“Let’s just drop this subject and go to sleep. I have a long day ahead of me with two dances to do.”

“Ok Kalie. Good night,” Crystal replied.

“Night Kalie,” Michelle said.

“Good night my girlies.”

As I drifted off to sleep I couldn’t help but think about Nick and how he was acting around me lately. Looking back on it I couldn’t help but think that maybe he was crushing on me a little bit. As I thought back to the song he sang to me after Dylan beat me I felt a flood of warmth inside my chest when I remembered the smile he flashed at me. Was Michelle and Crystal right? Was I starting to crush on Nick? 

Chapter 6 Angel on the Dance Floor

Day two of the competition started to drain my energy and started to bother my ankle. Also I was getting tired of being waited on hand and foot. I wanted the competition to be over so I could be independent again and not have every guy I knew carry me around everywhere I need to go. I couldn’t even go to the bathroom by myself. I had someone at my side everywhere I went.

My team got on the dance floor at exactly 12pm to perform the bouncy fox trot. Like I predicted my ankle started to bother me right after that dance. The fox trot is a really bouncy dance and I was relying heavily on Kasey. I was hoping the judges didn’t realize that but I don’t think they did because they were all smiling after my team performed.

Our music stopped and I whispered in my twin’s ear as we turned to go back stage, “OK I really need to be carried my ankle is starting to hurt.”

“I had a feeling this dance was going to kill your ankle.”

“It’s not killed yet,” I answered as Kasey picked me up. “It can stand three more dances. All I need is a lot of ice and I’ll be fine. I am going to dance through the pain and I’m not going to let my team down. I know how important this competition is for all of us. We have all worked way too hard to lose now.”

“You know sis…” he sighed while he started toward the waiting room back stage, “your hard head and stubbornness is going to get the best of you one of these days.”

“Oh shut up and keep walking,” I said sarcastically.

****Nick’s Point Of View******

I bought Kalie and Kasey their lunches and made my way backstage. I started to worry when I saw the entire team, Dia, and Kalie’s family crowded around her.

“How does your ankle feel now Kayl? How bad is the pain?” Dia asked.   

I pushed my way into the circle and asked hurriedly, “Kalie what’s wrong? Are you ok?”

She chuckled and replied with a slight smirk, “Nick… I’m fine. My ankle is just starting to hurt a little bit because I was bouncing so much in the fox trot. But don’t worry about me. The ice is my savior and I’ll be fine for tomorrow and the next dance today. We are the last ones up aren’t we?”

“Yeah. We are always the last ones to dance,” Mark answered.

“OK. I have plenty of time to ice my ankle then.”

“Well I brought you and Kasey lunch,” I extended the sandwiches to my friends.

“Thanks Kaos I’m starving,” Kasey said while he ripped the wrapping off the sandwich.

“Thank you Nick,” Kalie smiled.

“You’re welcome guys.”

I stayed to eat my lunch with the team and chilled with them for about twenty minutes until Dia said, “Alright my lovely dancers it’s time to get changed for your jive. I also want you guys to watch the four teams who are ahead of you guys. And Kalie stay off that ankle.”

“Yes ma’m!” Kalie saluted her coach. The team and Dia laughed.

“Ok Nick I’ll see you in about ten minutes. Is there a seat out there for me and Kasey?”

“The seats are pretty much full but I’ll look for seats and I’ll save them for you two.”

“Thanks Kaos. I’ll be out in a little bit.”

“Alright Kayl.” I left the waiting room and took my seat between Chris and Kyle.

Kalie was carried out to the audience by her twin ten minutes later.

“Is there any seats for us?” she asked before Kasey put her down.

“No this place is full. But… if you want you can sit on my lap,” I answered as smoothly as possible.

“Ok.”

I couldn’t believe my ears. I also couldn’t believe my eyes as I watched her sit on my lap. I didn’t think she would actually do it.

She stayed on my lap while we watched the other four teams dance. To be honest I wasn’t paying any attention to the teams; I was too focused on the smell of Kalie’s curled up hair that was still tied back into the cute ponytail and the way she looked in her backless black and white short cut dress. It formed to her hourglass figure and made her look like a model. I glanced at the small of her back and noticed a tattoo of a winged heart. I never knew she got that. She said she wanted one but she never told me she got it. Then my heart started to flutter when she looked over her left shoulder and said to me, “What do you think of this team? They’re pretty good aren’t they? I think they are our only competition out of the three other teams.”

I had to think quickly and say something, “There is no competition out there for you and your team. You guys are friggin amazing! I have no doubt that you are going to win this.”

She smirked at me and said, “Thank you Nick.”

“It’s the truth Kay.”

She smiled at me again and I couldn’t help but notice how the lights were creating a golden glow around her. My breath was taken from me as I stared into her dark brown eyes. I could feel this warm sensation in my chest while I smiled back at her. That smile of hers, damn how gorgeous it was!

My trance was broken when Dia walked over to us and tapped Kalie in the shoulder, “We have ten minutes before we go on. You and Kasey better get back on stage.”

“Ok Dia. Come on Kasey lets go back stage. I’ll see you after the performance Kaos.”

“Break a leg out there Kayl.”

“Thanks.” Kasey walked over and picked Kalie off my lap.

*****Kalie’s Point Of View*****

I could sense someone starting at me as Kasey carried me back stage with the rest of the team. I looked over my shoulder and met Nick’s eyes. He was staring right at me. He waved awkwardly to me when he noticed I was looking back at him. I just chuckled and waved back.

****Nick’s Point Of View*****

“What was with that wave Nick?” I asked myself when I realized how stupid I must have looked. I didn’t know what was coming over me, it was like I couldn’t talk in her presence and I just had to stare at her. I couldn’t take my eyes off her! She was starting to look hot in my eyes. Was I starting to see her as more than a friend? Was I really starting to fall, fast and hard for Kalie?

It was more like fifteen minutes before Kalie’s team got on the dance floor because one of the other dancers on the previous team accidentally dropped his partner on her head during a lift. Luckily the EMTs were in the audience and were able to take her to the hospital right away. And I know it’s wrong for me to say but I was glad the girl who was dropped wasn’t Kalie.

The music started and Kalie and her team burst onto the dance floor. They danced a fun and upbeat jive that had everyone smiling and clapping to the beat of the music. The dancers were having the time of their lives performing that dance. I don’t blame them, the routine was fun and most likely easy for them to learn and the music even made me want to dance.

Kalie jived around with Kasey and again I found myself staring at her hourglass figure that was being accented by her black and white dress. The smile she wore on her face and the faces she was making at her twin made me laugh and smile along with her. I had this strong sensation to just get up and push Kasey aside so I could dance with Kalie. I really wanted to share her happiness.

I found myself thinking, “I really wish I knew how to dance like that. I wish that was me dancing with Kalie instead of Kasey.”

Yeah that’s right; I was becoming jealous of one of my best friends but I was becoming really jealous of Mark.

The final day of the competition was by far the sexiest. The first dance was the rumba. Kalie was paired with Mark and she told me earlier that day that it was a good thing she wasn’t paired with her brother because that routine got really seductive at certain parts. And Kalie wasn’t lying when she said seductive.

Mark and the other boys were first to walk out onto the dance floor. They were wearing black slacks and light blue collared shirts that were unbuttoned to reveal the dancer’s built up torsos. The girls came out to the dance floor wearing light blue short cut, strapless dresses that showed off their legs that looked like they were carved by the best sculptor.

Kalie wore her hair down, which was a rare sight, and the colored lights created a halo around her entire body. She started dancing and my heart skipped a beat. She and Mark danced so close to each other that it was like the two dancers were becoming one. That was the part where I really started to become jealous. There was Kalie, looking drop dead gorgeous in that little dress with her hair down dancing with this ripped, good looking guy while I was just sitting there breathless. Oh yeah I was jealous and Kalie was looking more and more like an angel out on that dance floor with every step she took. I could have sworn I saw a pair of wings on her back.     

The last dance was their freestyle and I was very honored when I heard their song choice.

The team took their positions on the dance floor before the music started. Kalie took her spot right in the middle of the line up; Mark stood behind her a few steps away.

Dia pressed play on the sound system and Hey Mr. DJ played over the loud speaker.

“This sounds familiar doesn’t it Frack?” I heard a familiar voice come from behind me.

I turned around to find Brian standing right behind me and the rest of the Boys sitting around me.

“You guys showed up! Kalie’s going to be so happy you guys came!”

“Well we all really wanted to check it out and we wanted to support her. Michelle and Chris told us what she went thru a few days ago,” Brian said.

“I want to beat that jerk up and you must be fuming,” AJ said.

“Oh more than fuming AJ. I want to beat him to a pulp.”

“Nick, sit down. They’re starting,” Kevin gently ordered.

“Yeah I can’t see. You’re blocking my view,” Howie joked.

I took my seat next to Brian and watched Kalie’s team perform their freestyle to one of our own BSB songs.

The free style was so different from the other dances combining ballroom techniques with moves you would see at a school dance or club. Their outfits were the last thing you would expect to see at a dance competition; ripped up jeans, black tank tops, and sneakers. But the dance was smoking hot and it made me start to sweat.

Kalie swirled around, shimmied, took sharp defiant steps, and grinded really closely with Mark and I could feel the jealousy rising inside me. Kalie was smokin’ hot on that dance floor grinding with her chiseled partner and I wanted to be him. I started to imagine myself in Mark’s shoes only Kalie was one of the BSB dancers and I was performing the dance with her. I day dreamed that she was dancing with me and I would get to dance with her like that throughout the entire tour. At that moment I wanted to bring her on our next tour with us so I could be her dance partner. I wanted her to be with me on the road. I wanted Kalie period; I wanted to be more than just her best friend.    

Chapter 7 Wow I Have The Backstreet Boys As Good Luck Charms!

*****Kalie’s Point Of View*****

Mark carried me off the stage and into the audience to wait for the results of the competition. He sat me down on a chair and all of a sudden all my good luck charms rushed over to me. My parents and grandparents were the first to reach me with questions of how my ankle was feeling and comments of how proud they were of me. My siblings and their significant others were the next to crowd around me followed by my aunt, uncle and younger cousin. I kept hearing everyone who was surrounding me say that they had no doubt my team was going to win. I just sat there and crossed my fingers.

“Kalie!” I heard someone scream before I was ambushed from both my sides.

I looked at the people who were hugging me and smiled when I saw it was Michelle and Crystal.

“You did awesome out there Kayl!” Crystal nearly screamed.

“And girl you looked hot!” Michelle exclaimed.

I laughed, “Thanks. How do you think my team did? I’m tired of hearing about how well I did. How did my team do?”

“You guys were the best ones out there!” Chris said as he walked up behind Michelle.

“Yeah you had no competition out there at all,” Dan commented as he took a seat next to me. “You were the only real team on that floor.”

“Thanks guys. I’m still crossing my fingers though.”

“You don’t have to do that honey. You pretty much already won if you ask all of us who showed up to watch you.” I turned around to see Nick’s mom and his siblings standing behind me.

“Mama Carter! My other siblings! You guys came!”

“Of course we came sweet heart,” Mrs. Carter said as she hugged me. “We knew how big this was for you and Kasey and we felt really bad for not coming to the last one.”

“Oh it’s ok Mama Carter. Hey! It’s my little sibs!” I said excitedly when I saw BJ, Leslie, Angel and Aaron who were standing behind their mother.

“Hey Kalie!” they all exclaimed as they came closer to me to give me a hug.

“I missed you Kalie!” Aaron hugged me tightly.

“I missed you too bud! Thank you so much for coming you guys!”

“It’s no problem Kayl. We had to come to support our big sis!” Angel answered.

“Especially after Nick told us about you and Dylan,” BJ commented.

“Yeah Kay. I’m so sorry,” Leslie hugged me again.

“It’s ok Les. I’m so over him now. I don’t have to worry about that jerk anymore and you don’t have to worry about me.”

“Good for you Kalie. And of course we’re going to worry about you. You’re family and the Carters always worry about family. Oh and Papa Carter said he’s very sorry that he couldn’t make it but he’s visiting one of his good friends from high school,” Mrs. Carter said.

“Oh ok. I understand. I’ll have to go see him when he gets back.”

“Yeah I was just about to invite you to dinner while Nick was home. I’ll call you when Papa Carter gets back,” she answered.

The Carters pretty much adopted me when I was younger. My best friends and I were always at their house hanging with Nick. Also his parents and my parents got a long really well over time and were soon best friends as well so we were constantly being invited over for dinner or an outing on the Carter’s boat. BJ, Leslie, Angel and Aaron started calling me their sister and it stuck. I was so happy they showed up the last day of the competition.

“Where’s Nick?” I asked. “I saw him earlier but I have no idea where he went.”

“He’s right behind you,” he said making me jump because I wasn’t expecting to hear his voice.

“Hey! You scared me.”

“I’m sorry but look who I found.”

He stepped aside to reveal Brian, AJ, Howie and Kevin.

“Oh my gosh you guys made it! This is awesome! Wow I have the Backstreet Boys as good luck charms! Thank you so much for coming!” I hobbled over to each of them to give them a hug.

“It was our pleasure Kalie. You guys are awesome performers,” Kevin commented.

“Yeah we need you on tour with us,” Howie chuckled.

“How about you and your team become the new BSB dancers?” AJ asked with a smile.

“Oh say yes! Say yes!” Brian joked.

I giggled and replied, “I don’t know. I think our coach will be mad at us if we do go on tour with you guys.”

“Yeah Dia would have a hard time without her star pupils,” commented Nick.

Just then Dia came over to us and said hello to the Boys.

“Wow we had the Backstreet Boys in the audience to cheer us on tonight! That’s awesome! And it was very nice to meet you guys.”

“It was nice to meet you too,” they all answered.

“Kalie I just wanted to tell you that they are asking all of the dancers to head out to the dance floor so they can give out the trophies.”

“Ok. I’ll be right out. I just gotta find Kasey.”

“Don’t have to I’m already here.” Again I wasn’t expecting him to say that so I jumped and my good luck charms chuckled.

“How’d you get here so quickly?”

“I knew you were going to call for me.”

“How’d you now I was going to call for you?”

“It’s called twin telepathy sis.”

“Oh yeah I forgot about that.”

“Come on sis lets go join our team. We can’t get our trophy without our captain.” Kasey picked me up and moved toward our team. He placed me down and the entire team engulfed me in the usual linked arm hug that we shared whenever we were waiting for results.

The judges took their time announcing which trophy went to which team, and my team mates and I were getting more and more anxious when third place was called and our name wasn’t.

Finally the head judge said, “This was a very close call but in the end the three of us unanimously decided that first place goes to…The Diangela Dancers!”

We all screamed and Dia rushed over to us with the first place trophy. She pasted the trophy around so each of us could get a chance to touch it, then she extended it to me and said, “You’re the captain of this team and you’re the one who danced on a hurt ankle. I already talked to the team and they want you to have this trophy!”

“Thank you!” I said as I started to tear. Once the trophy was in my hands Mark and Kasey hoisted me up on their shoulders. The rest of my team crowded around me again and we smiled for all the cameras that were looking to capture the memory of winning one of our biggest dance competitions.

After all the camera flashes ceased Mark and my brother placed me back on my feet. My good luck charms flood over to me and my brother and congratulated us and said how proud they were of us. Then someone tapped me on the shoulder so I spun around to a very unexpected surprise.     

“That was awesome Kalie!”

“Ryan! My god you made it!”

“Yes I did! Well I missed the first day but I was here all day Saturday and I was here to see you win tonight.”

“Thank you so much for coming!”

“You’re welcome Kalie I knew how much this meant to you.”

“I missed you Ryan and you look so good. I have to say it’s a lot better talking with you in person then talking to you on the phone.”

“I know and I’ve been trying to make time to come visit you but I’ve been so busy with school and my job. I’m lucky I got the time off to come here.”

Ryan and I started to talk more and more after my sweet 16 but we really got close during our junior year and were practically inseparable senior year, mainly because we were in all the same classes and clubs. Then when we went away to college we called each other every week and tried our hardest to make plans to meet each other someday but it never worked out. I told him about the competition but I doubted he would be able to make it but against the odds he showed up bringing the total number of good luck charms to 28, my lucky number.

****Nick’s Point Of View *****

That night my mom, Kalie’s family and I all chipped in to take her and Kasey out for a celebratory dinner to one of their favorite restaurants that was owned by a good friend of her family.

All thirty of us packed into the back room of Maggie’s Place and fought over the seats. Everyone wanted to sit next to Kalie but finally she sat between me and Ryan. In return Ryan started flirting with Kalie and she flirted right back. I tried not to let it get to me but it did. They were making each other laugh and complementing each other to the point where it got sickening and to the point where I felt that Kalie didn’t even acknowledge my presence beside her. I didn’t talk much during that dinner and I was happy when the check was paid. I nearly sprinted out of the restaurant.  

Michelle, Crystal, Dan, and Chris pulled me aside before I could get into my car. Crystal placed a hand on my shoulder and asked, “Are you ok bud?”

“Not really.”

“Why are you mad at Kalie?” Michelle asked.

“Who said I was mad at Kalie?”

“Dude you didn’t talk to her at all at dinner,” Dan commented.

“Ryan never gave me the chance. You saw how they were flirting,” my voice got a notch louder.

Chris stepped closer to me, “Dude, chill out. Are you really crushing on her that much that it’s bothering you that she’s flirting with another guy she liked in the past?”

Was it really that obvious that I was crushing on her? I didn’t want it to show. I didn’t want my best friends, especially Crystal and Michelle, to know because I knew they would go back to Kalie and tell her and things would become awkward between her and I. That was the last thing I wanted to happen.

“No,” I said defiantly, “I’m not crushing on her. It’s just that they were flirting so much that she forgot I was sitting right next to her. I mean I haven’t gotten the chance to really talk to her while I’ve been home and when I was right there she and Ryan decide to flirt the whole night.”

“Maybe you should tell her,” Michelle said calmly.

“Tell her what?”

“Tell her that you felt ignored tonight. She needs to know so she won’t let it happen again,” Crystal answered.

“Yeah knowing Kalie she won’t let it happen again unless she doesn’t know about it,” Dan said.

“But how do I tell her?”

“Just pull her aside tonight and tell her straight up ‘I felt like you didn’t know I was there’,” Chris answered.

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to get her away from Ryan I mean look at them.” I pointed toward Ryan who was carrying Kalie to her sister’s car. He said something to her and made her laugh. My face started to feel hot and I had the strong feeling that it should’ve been me who made her laugh not that James Dean wanna be.

“He won’t be at Kalie’s house tonight. I know that for a fact,” Michelle said grabbing my attention again.

“Just tell her before we go to bed tonight,” Dan shrugged.

“Alright I will.”

“Are you sure you’re not crushing on her Carter?” Chris asked.

I nearly screamed when I answered, “Yes! I’m not crushing on her! I just felt left out tonight that’s all!”

“Ok dude I was just making sure. You don’t have to blow your top.”

I took my friends’ advice and pulled Kalie aside just before she and the girls went up to bed.

“Is something wrong Nick?”

I let out a sigh and glanced at her, “Did you know I was sitting next to you tonight?”

“Of course I did. I sat there purposely Nick so I could be next to you and Ryan.”

“Well tonight I felt like you didn’t even know I was there because you and Ryan had each others’ ears all night. I don’t think you said a word to me at all.”

“I’m so sorry Nick. It’s just that he and I haven’t seen each other since the Disney trip and it was really good to see him tonight. The both of us are so busy that we never get to see each other. We have tried to get together but our plans seem to always fall apart.”

“Oh.”

“I’m sorry if you felt ignored Nick. I know you and we don’t see enough of each other either and I promise you that all next week will be devoted to just me and you. We can do all the things we used to before you became a Backstreet Boy. And I promise I won’t push you away ever again. You’re not mad at me are you? We cool?”

“Of course we’re cool. I can’t be mad at my best friend now can I?”

She smiled at me then hugged me. “Good night Nick. I’ll see you in the morning and we’ll make plans for tomorrow.”

“Sounds good to me Kayl. Good night.”

“And don’t ask if I need help getting up stairs because Kim has it covered.”

“Alright Kay.”

I watched Kim help her hobble up the stairs and smirked at her hard headedness. She’ll never change, I thought to myself.

The following morning I woke up to a loud thud and Kalie’s voice hissing, “Shit!”

I flew out of bed and jumped over Dan who was sleeping on the floor and dashed toward the stairs. I looked over the banister and found Kalie lying on the ground at the bottom of them. I ran down and knelt at her side.

“What happened?!”

“I missed the second to last step.”

“Can you get up?”

“I don’t think so. Nick can you take me to my doctor? I think I re-sprained my ankle.”

“We’ll go right now. Are your siblings home?”

“They left for work already and they won’t be home until after class. I’ll tell Kasey to call them. Just get me into a chair please and then go tell Kasey you’re taking me to the doctor.”

“Alright Kay. Here we go,” I got to my feet and grabbed a hold of her wrists. I pulled her up onto her good leg and helped her into a chair.

I bounded back up the stairs to wake up Kasey. He was so tired that his reaction was very delayed when I said through the door, “It’s Nick. I’m taking Kalie to the doctor because she fell down the stairs and hurt her ankle again. She wants you to tell your parents.”  

“Ok,” he responded sleepily.

As I started down the stairs again Kasey burst open his door and exclaimed, “Kalie fell?! I’ll go tell mom and dad and I’ll go start the car.”

“Dude you can’t go to the doc’s office in only your boxers.”

He looked down at his boxers then ran back into his room to throw on a shirt and sweats. Then he rushed into the room his parents were sleeping in. Moments later Mrs. Smith rushed out of her room fully dressed and said, “Nick thank you for waking up Kasey and you can stay here if you want. Mr. Smith and myself can handle this.”

“OK.” I went back to Kalie and said, “You’re Mom and Dad are going to take you.”

“Oh ok. I promise that when I get back we’ll spend the rest of the day together. I know we can have a movie marathon or a Whose Line Is It Anyway Fest.”

“Sounds good to me.”

Kalie came back with her ankle wrapped up but thankfully it was nothing more than a bruise. She told me she had to stay off of it for six weeks but as long as she kept her ankle wrapped up she was mobile. So that week we hung out together just the two of us like she promised. We had movie marathons, days where we just went walking around the neighborhood we grew up in and the different parks we used to play in, and we went out on my boat a few times when the weather and water were perfect. It was one of the best weeks of my life and I didn’t want it to end. But like all good things it ended the next week when my manager called me and the Boys back into the studio. But I’ll never forget the last night Kalie and I had alone together.

I had taken her out on my boat for the entire day. We talked, looked over our old year books and scrap books, and all in all enjoyed our last uninterrupted day together. By the time the sunset neither of us wanted to drive home so we decided to stay on the boat.

“Where do you want to sleep? We can stay out here on the deck or in the cabin in one of the bunks.”

She looked up at the stars and grinned, “How about we sleep under the stars tonight? It’s too gorgeous out here to sleep inside.”

“Alright. I’ll go get blankets and sleeping bags from below deck because the temperature is going to drop quickly out here.”

“Ok take your time.”

When I came back with the blankets and sleeping bags, Kalie was sitting with her knees tucked into her chest and was gazing up at the stars. I had to stop and just look at her for a minute. She looked so beautiful in the starlight and again I swore I saw angel wings sprouting from her back. I walked up to her slowly and handed her the bedding.

We set up our sleeping places and got comfortable under our blankets. We stared at the stars for a while picking out what constellations we knew and making up our own. We used to do that a lot when we were kids and we always came up with funny stories about our new constellations.

I was lying on my back with my arms crossed under my head. Kalie was trying to roll up her sweat jacket into a pillow but I could see she was uncomfortable.

“If you want, you can lay your head on my shoulder,” I offered.

She looked at me in disbelieve, “Really? Are you sure?”

“Yeah. Lay your head on my shoulder. I won’t mind.”

“Wouldn’t that be awkward though?”

“What do mean?”

“I mean that’s usually how a couple would sleep out here under the stars. We’re not dating Nick,” she looked at me with her eyebrow raised and her usual “this is not going to end well” look.

I chuckled, “I know we’re not but how long have we known each other? And besides you have fallen asleep on Michelle and Crystal before. And didn’t you always nap on Chris and Dan at the lunch table?”

“Well those situations are different. Mich and Tally are like sisters to me and Dan and Chris were the closest ones to me at the lunch table. But tonight,” she looked back at the night sky, “Tonight is different… very different.”

“But how is it different? We’ve slept out here before together.”

“But Nick we weren’t all alone the other times. Your family was with us and I would always sleep next to your sisters. This night is for a couple. It’s actually romantic out here and we’re just friends Kaos.”

“I know we are. And because you are my friend, correction best friend, I’m offering my shoulder to you so you can be comfortable.”

“Alright. Thank you.”

“My pleas…” I caught myself, “You’re welcome.”

She gently rested her head on my shoulder and now that she was that close to me the sweet scent of her perfume wafted up to my nose. It was a mixture of mandarin oranges and jasmine mixing with the smell of her coconut shampoo. For all I knew I could have stayed like that forever.

“Kalie…” I whispered then waited for an answer but one never came. I looked down at her and noticed the slight smirk across her lips as she slept. I wondered what she was dreaming about. Maybe she was dreaming of us. I know I dreamed of what we could be while I slept that night.   

Chapter 8 Could he be taken from me that easily?  

***** Kalie’s Point Of View *****

1999 rolled around and on May 18, BSB released Millennium and it sold nearly 500,000 copies the first day. I remember how excited Crystal, Michelle and I were that day. We were anticipating that CD ever since the day Nick asked us to be part of a choir for one of the songs titled Perfect Fan. That was the only song we knew of off Millennium at the time and we wanted to hear the rest of the album badly. It was a good thing our local music store allowed us to preorder the CD because by the time the three of us got there one lonely Millennium CD was left on the self.

We raced back to my place to listen to the CD. My girls and I must have listened to that CD about five times in a row the day we got it. We were listening closely to the songs so we could figure out the lyrics and memorize them. I remember all the emotions we felt with each song; Larger Than Life made us feel appreciated when we figured out the lyrics were written for us fans, we smiled at I Want It That Way, It’s Gotta Be You and The One, Show Me The Meaning Of Being Lonely and Perfect Fan made us tear. We had never heard Perfect Fan in entirety but now that we did we all agreed that it was a beautiful song.

Just as we listened to the CD for the final time I heard James, Kim’s fiancé, yell down the stairs, “Kalie, you have mail!”

“Thanks James, I’ll be right there.” I ran up the stairs, grabbed my mail from the table and skipped back down to my waiting friends.

“Whatcha get?” Crystal asked.

“A package from… New York?”

“New York? Who do you know in New York?” Michelle questioned as she looked at the label on the brown UPS box.

“I don’t know unless it’s those dance videos I ordered but I thought they were coming from Orlando.”

I opened the box and found a letter sitting on top of some packaging.

I looked at the familiar handwriting and smiled.

“Whose it from?” Michelle asked.

“Nick. It can tell by the handwriting.”

“What’s it say?” Crystal asked.

“Hey Kalie!,” I read from his letter, “Hopefully If I mailed this in time it got to you by May 18 because I really wanted you to have it by then. But also I wanted to give you this in person but work is preventing me to do that so I’ll just write out the way I wanted you to open this box. First carefully remove the Styrofoam.”

I did and laughed when I saw another copy of Millennium. My girls looked at the CD and chuckled too. Michelle laughed, “It looks like Nick is a little too late.”

“If I had known he was going to send me this I wouldn’t have bought my own copy.”

“What’s at the bottom of the box?” Crystal asked.

I continued reading, “I hope you didn’t buy the CD but if you did here’s another copy but open it.”

I slowly opened the case expecting something to fall out of it but instead all that was inside the case was a CD signed by the Boys.

“You got a signed CD?!” my girls exclaimed.

“Damn! You’re so lucky Kalie!” Crystal looked at me shocked.

“I want a signed CD,” Michelle pouted. “But I also want to know what’s at the bottom of the box.”

I finished the rest of the letter, “Finally I know how much you love to learn new songs so look in the bottom of the box,” I did and there was the sheet music for all the songs on the album. “Yes I got you a copy of the sheet music for all the songs on Millennium. Now you can learn the songs in half the time it would take you without the sheet music. Enjoy Millennium and have fun learning our new songs. I can’t wait to see you, whenever that will be. I miss you a lot Kayl. Love Nick. P.S. Don’t tell Michelle and Crystal about this package. They are each getting one too.”

They screamed out of pure joy and shock. They looked at each other then back at me. And as if they rehearsed it, said to me at the same time, “We’re going home now. We got to get our packages!”

I giggled and replied, “Ok girlies. I love you and I’ll talk to you later. Have fun with the sheet music.”

“Thanks Kayl. Talk to you later! Love ya too!” they said, again in unison.

After my girls left I called up Nick to thank him for the special CD and sheet music.

He answered his cell with an exuberant, “Kalie!”

“Hey Nick! How you doin’ bud? What’s goin’ on?”

“I’m doing good Kayl. I’m just missing you and the rest of our gang that’s all.”

“We’re missing you too Kaos. Where are you now?”

“We’re back in our hotel in New York. We just got back from Time Square where we were signing CD’s and meeting fans today. The fans practically shut down Time Square! It was crazy! But it was awesome to see how many fans were out there today to buy Millennium. I wish you were there though.”

“I wish I was there too,” I pictured the scene in Time Square earlier that day. It must have been crowded, chaotic, overwhelming, but at the same time kind of sweet for the Boys to see that many fans up close and personal.

“I’ll tell you what Kalie,” Nick broke my day dream, “We are going to start touring this summer and when we have a New York show I’ll send you and the rest of our gang tickets. I think we’ll be in North America by June or July. And I can get you guys a hotel room or you could stay on the bus with me.”

“I would love to do that Nick but I’m going to be busy this summer. I have a lot to do in June and July especially with Kim getting married. But you know what I promise you that I will come to at least one of your Florida shows.”

“Ok. That will work. But let me at least get you back stage passes like the last time.”

“You have a deal Nick. Do you have any free time before that though to come home?”

“Unfortunately not,” I pouted at the disappointment in his voice. “We’re getting really busy. And I’m mad that I won’t be able to come home for a little bit. I miss everyone, especially you Kalie.”

I sighed, “I really miss you Nick. It’s tough not having my best bud home.”

“It’s tough for me not having my best bud on tour with me.”

“Well now that I know you’re having such a tough time without me I may just take up that offer of becoming a BSB dancer and coming on tour with you,” I joked.

He laughed, “That would be awesome! But,” his voice dropped, “I know you wouldn’t be able to do that because of your job and being the captain of your dance team and with school. I understand you’re very occupied.”

“Why do you sound so sad?”

“I’m afraid I’m never going to see you again.”

“Oh Nick don’t say that. We’ll have plenty of time to see each other… some day,” I tried to sound positive but realizing that day might not be as soon as we both wanted it to be was difficult.

“Some day. I hate not knowing when the next time is going to be when I’ll be able to see you again.”

“I hate it too Kaos. But you know what? You are doing what you love now and don’t you enjoy being a Backstreet Boy?”

“I do. It is pretty cool to be a Backstreet Boy. But I never thought we would never see each other again.”

“Nick we’ll see each other again I promise…” I was interrupted when Kim called me for dinner, “Listen Nick dinner is ready and you know Kim and being on time for dinner. But I called to say thank you so much for the signed CD and the sheet music. You didn’t have to get me that.”

“Oh yes I did Kayl. I knew you and the girls would love the sheet music and the rest of the Boys wanted to send you the CD. Do you like it?”

“I love it! The girls and I listened to it five times in a row today!”

“Kalie Marie! Dinner!” Kim called with a touch of impatience in her voice.

“Kim is getting pissy so I have to go. Thanks again for the CD and sheet music.”

“You’re welcome Kalie. I’ll call you when I get the chance and if not call me again. It was really nice hearing your voice again. I miss you.”

“I miss you too buddy. Bye Nick. I love you.”

“I love you too Kalie. Bye.”

I hung up the phone and headed upstairs. As I did I thought about the way he said, “I love you too Kalie”. He and I have said that to each other before, heck I have said it to all of my best friends, but only for the fact that they are my best friends and are like brothers and sisters to be, but there was something about the way he said it to me that night. I couldn’t put my finger on it but there was something very different about it.

I was also thinking about his voice. God, I never would have thought that I missed his voice as much as I did. Grant it I would hear him singing everyday either on the radio or on CD but it felt really good to hear him talk. The way he said my name when he answered my call sent a warming sensation throughout my entire body.

Then I imagined the look on his face when he answered my call. He must have been smiling; I could hear it in his voice. I pictured that smile of his and realized I was missing that a lot too.

Who am I kidding? I was missing Nick period.   

After dinner I locked myself in my room and took out the sheet music Nick sent me. I “studied” the music and kept playing the songs I was having trouble with over and over until I got the entire CD correct. I felt very accomplished because I taught myself 12 songs in one night.

That night I dreamed of the last night Nick and I shared together before he went to work on the Millennium CD. The scene of just the two of us sitting under the stars replayed vividly as I slept. His voice was so clear in my dream that I thought it was real until I woke up. And trust me; it wasn’t the calmest way to wake up.

In my dream Nick had just offered his shoulder to me and I slowly lowered my head onto it. The smell of his cologne was soothing and his breathing was starting to lull me to sleep when I heard someone scream, “Oh my god! It’s Nick Carter from the Backstreet Boys! Get him!

We both raised our heads to see who it was and when we did, a mob of girls wearing Backstreet Boys apparel stampeded toward Nick and I. They grabbed Nick and dragged him away from me. He tried to fight his way free but the overly excited fans were unbelievably too strong for him. I ran after the mob and Nick reached out for me and screamed, “Kalie! Help me! Kalie!”

I tried to grab his hand as I ran after that mob of crazy girls but it was no use. Just as I was about to touch his hand, he was sucked into the middle of the mob and vanished from my sight.

I jumped awake and looked around my room. I was disappointed that I did wake up in my own room and not back on the boat with Nick but I was relieved that it was only a dream. Then I sat in bed and thought about it. Could Nick really be stolen from me just because he’s a Backstreet Boy? Could he be taken from me that easily?     

Chapter 9 I Should Have Told You This A Long Time Ago

As the months went by I missed Nick more and more. I did have a boyfriend for a little while but it didn’t work out between the two of us. And I was starting to feel left out. Each of my friends had significant others, Kyle and Melissa were talking about getting married after graduation the next year, Kasey found his soul mate in Trish, and Kim and James just got married. I was Kim’s maid of honor and I was so happy for her. She looked absolutely beautiful and over all happy. James was perfect for her and they truly did love each other. I know it’s horrible to say but I was jealous of my sister and her new husband. Heck I was jealous of every couple I saw at that wedding. I was the wall flower that night because my boyfriend broke up with me to be with another girl the night of Kim’s rehearsal dinner. I wasn’t having the best luck with relationships while the people who were closest to me were happy and in love. I remember looking at my grandparents dancing together and just thinking to myself, “Will I ever find someone to spend the rest of my life with?” I was starting to doubt that I would never find my soul mate.

I dated a few more times but no relationship wanted to last. I was feeling lonelier as the days went on. I was also missing Nick more and more. I called Nick on a weekly basis but I wanted to talk to him in person. He was so supportive of me when I called him up after every break up, which was often. It was always so comforting to hear his voice but if he was home I knew I would have been able to call him up and he would be over at my house in a split second just to give me a hug and tell me face to face that everything was going to be alright. I wanted him home. I wanted to have that feeling of being held in his arms. I wanted my best friend back.

Finally I was able to see Nick. My best friends and I went to the Boys only concert in Florida and like Nick promised he got all of us backstage passes. The concert was amazing and it was even more packed than the last one. Michelle, Crystal and I were getting a kick out of the way Chris and Dan’s girlfriends’ were acting. They nearly passed out when we went backstage and they kept repeating, “Oh my god we’re finally meeting the Backstreet Boys. Oh my god we’re finally meeting the Backstreet Boys! I think I’m going to cry! We’re finally meeting the Backstreet Boys! You are so lucky you guys actually know them!”

My best friends and I laughed at them. We were excited to see the Boys again but these girls were flipping out and it was hysterical. Dan and Chris had to drag their girlfriends out to the cars when they had to leave.

A half hour after the guys left Michelle, Crystal and their boyfriends left leaving me alone with BSB.

“How you holding up there Kalie?” Nick put his arm around my shoulder. I had called him the day before the concert telling him once again that I broke up with another boyfriend. I guess he also saw the loneliness in my eyes. I tried to hide it but sometimes it seemed like Nick was the only one who could pierce through the outer wall I put up and read what was going on inside.

“I’m alright. Just…”

“Lonely,” he finished for me.                  

I nodded my head and felt tears starting to swell in my eyes.

“Come here Kayl.” He hugged me and whispered in my ear, “There are plenty of fish in the sea. You won’t be lonely for long. You’ll find someone I promise. And you know that I’ll always be there for you no matter what. I love you Kalie.”

“I love you too Nick. And I miss you so much!”

“I know how you feel. I miss you too,” he rubbed his hands soothingly up and down my back. I cannot describe how great it felt to be hugging him again. I wanted to stay like that. I didn’t want him to go back on tour. I wanted to be selfish and keep him here in Florida but I knew that wouldn’t happen, couldn’t happen.

“How would you like to come back to the hotel with us and chill for a while?”

“I would love to Nick but I have to get back home. I have a paper that’s due on Monday.”

“It’s only Friday night. And you can stay with me tonight and you can go home in the morning.”

“Ok. I’ll stay. I’ll just have to start on that paper the moment I get home.”

“There you go. Come on we’ll leave for the hotel now. And I’ll lend you one of my shirts and sweatpants to sleep in.”

“Thanks Nick.”

“No problem.”

That night was fun. I shared a room with Nick and Brian. Most of the night we talked about random things and then I was dying of laughter when Nick and Brian were fighting about sleeping in the same bed after Nick gave his bed to me.

I went to sleep with a smile on my face that night because Brian and Nick made me feel like I had someone I could turn to. That was when I said to myself, “Yeah you are lucky for knowing the Backstreet Boys. Hell you’re lucky your best friend is Nick Carter.”     

The next Friday, Ryan stopped by for a quick visit. It was really nice to see him again and we had a lot of fun just hanging out together.

When the day got hotter we jumped in the pool. After a few minutes of swimming Ryan asked, “Would you like to go out on a date with me tonight?”

“I would love to.”

“OK then how about I pick you up at eight tonight? I’ll take you to this really nice restaurant that’s right across from this pretty little park. After we eat we can take a walk around the park. It’s really pretty at night. They light up all the water features. And I bet you’ll look gorgeous in the starlight.”

I felt my cheeks blush, “Sounds like a plan to me.”

“Great. I’ll be back at eight. I have to go home and make the reservations and clean up.”

“I’ll see you at eight then.”

“I can’t wait.”

“Me neither Ryan.”

Once he left I ran in the house and called Michelle and Crystal.

“Ryan finally asked me out!”

“Really?!” Crystal exclaimed.

“Took him long enough,” Michelle commented. “When and where are you going?”

“We’re going out tonight at eight and he’s taking me to a restaurant and then we’re going to walk through a park after dinner.”

“That sounds cute!” Crystal said. “You must be excited.”

“I am. I just hope this one is going to last longer than one week.”

“You never know Kayl,” Michelle said. “Well I have to go back to work and you, little missy, have to go get ready for your date tonight!”

“Yeah Mich is right I have to go back to work too. Have fun tonight Kay.”

“Yes have fun and don’t worry about the future just yet hun,” Michelle advised.

“Thanks girlies! I’ll call you in the morning to give you details. Bye lovies!”

“Bye Kalie!” my girls said together then hung up.

I rushed into my room and picked out what I wanted to wear. I must have ripped out all of my outfits before I decided on my blue halter top and black leggings. My hair was still wet from my shower so I crimped it and ran hair mousse through it to keep it in place. I threw on makeup and my black sandals and waited on my porch for Ryan. 

He looked very cute in his white collared shirt which he left the first few buttons undone and his dark jeans. And he was such a gentleman. He was being really romantic too, well as romantic as you can get on a first date. Ryan was pretty old fashioned when it came to dating. I really liked that about him. Most of the other guys I dated took things quickly and to be honest I think that’s why the relationships never lasted. All my feelings for Ryan flooded back to me as the date went on.

After he paid the check we linked arms and walked through the park.

“This is beautiful out here!” I said as we walked through the section of the park with the lit up water features.

“Wait until I take you to the soccer field. But first how about we get some ice cream?”

“Is there a place that’s still open?”

“Yeah. It’s right around the corner.”

“Oh ok.” He led me to the small ice cream stand and bought a cup of vanilla to share. He then led me over to the soccer field. There we sat on the lush, soft grass and gazed up at the stars while we shared the ice cream.

“This is really pretty out here. I’m glad you brought me here.”

“I am too. I was right…”

“About what?”

He looked into my eyes and replied, “You do look beautiful in the star light.”

“You’re too sweet,” I smiled as I spoke.

“Thanks. I try.”

“I should have told you this a long time ago Kalie.”

“Tell me what?”

“I have had feelings for you ever since your sweet 16. I was just too chicken to act on them.”

I was in shock, “Really?”

“Really. And I was hoping it’s not too soon to ask you this but,” he paused and took in a deep breath, “will you be my girlfriend?”

My eyes widened but I smiled, “Yes I’ll be your girlfriend!”

“You will?! You don’t know how happy you just made me Kayl!”

He drove me home a few minutes later.

“Good night Ryan. I had a really good time tonight. Thank you for being such a gentleman.”

“It was my pleasure Kalie. Good night.” He kissed my forehead and waited until I got in the house before he drove off.

That night went perfectly. I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect first date. And as time went on Ryan and I got closer and closer to each other. Our feelings for each other grew to the point of, dare I say it, love. I started to find it hard to function without him during the day if I didn’t see him in a while. He really did care about me and love me. He made me feel like my bad luck streak was over and I started imagining what our future together would be like. He made me feel so special and just simply loved. Plus he was really hot!

He and I had something special between us and by the beginning of 2000 we were thinking about moving in together. I was starting to think he was going to be the one I spent the rest of my life with. And then my friends and siblings started to bug me about him.      

Chapter 10 He’s Not Being Rough Just Affectionate

***Michelle’s Point Of View***

I have to admit that in the beginning of their relationship, Kalie and Ryan were really happy together and it was starting to look like they were going to spend the rest of their lives together. Things changed drastically though. Chris, Dan, Crystal, Nick and myself noticed Ryan’s true personality but unfortunately Kalie didn’t.

It all started around the time Nick came back to visit us before he and the Boys released the next album. The nine of us, including Kasey and Trish, were hanging out at my house and Ryan started being a jerk to Nick and the other boys, even Kalie’s own brother!

Ryan would say rude comments, ignore the boys if they tried to talk to him, then he would make fun of the guys, especially Nick, and he started flirting with us girls behind Kalie’s back. I was getting sick of it and I was about to kick him out of my house when he said gruffly to Kalie, “Give me a kiss because I have to go home and finish my paper. You coming home with me or your brother?”

“I’ll come home with Kasey. Good luck on that paper.”

“I don’t need luck,” he said with a very cocky voice. They kissed and the rest of us cringed.

Once he left I sat Kalie down and said, “Girl we need to talk.”

“About what?”

“About Ryan,” Chris said.

“What about him?” Kalie asked raising her voice a little bit.

“He was being a complete jerk to all of us and he’s so rough with you,” Nick said. “There is no reason for him to be rough with you of all people.”

“He’s not being rough just affectionate,” she replied.

“If that’s being affectionate then I’d hate to see when he is being rough,” Kasey commented.

“And he was being such a flirt! I hate to tell you this but I have a feeling he’s going to cheat on you one of these days if he doesn’t have another girl besides you already,” I spoke up. “Am I right Tally?”

Crystal nodded her head, “Mich is right Kay. I wouldn’t trust him if I were you.”

Kalie stood up and looked me dead in the face. “What?! How could you say that?! Can’t you see that we love each other?! He would never do that to me! He loves me and I love him! How dare you say he’ll cheat on me?!” she screamed defending her jerk of a boyfriend. “I’m leaving!” With that she stormed out of my house.

Nick got up to chase after her but I grabbed his arm and sat him back down. “Don’t go running after her because she’s being blinded by him. And mark my words, when he does cheat on her and she finds out she’ll come running back to us and admit how stupid she was for not listening. But don’t go running after her now because she won’t listen, it’s no use.”

“But what if we’re wrong about him?! We could have just lost one of our best friends right now!” Nick said angrily.

“Nick calm down. Michelle is right. Maybe Kalie needs to realize what a jerk he is for herself,” Chris said.

He shook his head and said, “I hope you’re right. I don’t see enough of Kalie as it is. I don’t want to lose her now when we’re trying to help her.”

“You know what,” Kasey spoke up, “I’ll talk to her tonight about it. I may even get Kim and Kyle to talk to her too because we have been noticing him becoming rougher and rougher with her. And knowing my twin she’ll come around and see how foolish she’s being, hopefully.”

“And maybe we should all tell her we’re just trying to help her. So she won’t be mad at us forever,” Crystal suggested.

“And what if Nick’s right?” Dan asked, “What if we are wrong about him?”

“Oh you know me and picking out cheaters. You all dated cheaters once in your life time,” I pointed to everyone in the room, “and I was the one who told all of you about your cheaters. Plus it happened to me before and the guy who cheated on me acted the same way Ryan is acting now.”

“You’re right,” Nick sighed. “I just hope she’ll come to her senses and realize what an ass he is and that we were only trying to help her.”

“Like I said I’ll talk to her tonight about it and let her sleep on it,” Kasey said.

*****Kasey’s Point Of View***

That night Ryan mysteriously ran back to his apartment totally blowing dinner off which Kalie made. I had a strong feeling another girl was waiting for him back at his place.

Kalie was pouting constantly during dinner and she wouldn’t talk to me or Trish. I couldn’t take her silence anymore so I spoke up, “Kayl, we were only trying to help you today. We wanted to let you know what was going on behind the scenes.”

“Yeah Kay,” Trish said sweetly. “We’re just trying to protect you and tell you to watch your back. We all love you Kalie and we don’t want to see you get hurt. It’s better to be warned about it first than for you to find out about him on your own. And also you don’t want to find out from us after the fact that we knew all along.”

“Trish is right sis,” Kim said. “You can’t be mad at your friends for telling you the truth.”

“But how can he do that to me? He loves me and I love him,” her voice was filled with confusion and sadness.

“Sis, I know the truth hurts some times,” Kim continued, “but not all guys actually mean it when they say they love you.”

With that she ran up to her room crying.

She wouldn’t talk to our friends or our siblings for a good while after that day. But even worse she still dated Ryan.

***Michelle’s Point of View***

A few weeks later on November 21, BSB’s Black and Blue came out and Nick sent Crystal, Kalie and myself a signed copy of the CD and the sheet music of all of the songs.

He also wrote Crystal and I a note about one particular song, “Track number three was written a long time ago but it fits into the situation going on with Kalie right now. It’s called Get Another Boyfriend. I’m hoping she’ll get the hint and I hope she’ll get her vision back quickly because you don’t know how much I miss her. It’s bad enough that I can’t see her because I’m a Backstreet Boy. I don’t want her to be mad at me because we were just trying to help her.”

Nick was right; the lyrics of Get Another Boyfriend fit Kalie’s relationship with Ryan perfectly and I was missing Kalie too. Heck we were all missing her. She wouldn’t talk to us at all and I was worried about what was going to happen if she and Ryan did break up. She really did love him but I wasn’t convinced he loved her back. My suspicions came true when Chris and I caught Ryan in the act.

Chris and I went on our first date together on November 25. Everyone predicted that we would start dating but it took us a while to start trying.

He picked me up and took me out to an early movie and dinner afterward.

I was sitting across from him getting lost in his dark brown eyes and kept thinking about how cute he looked with his black hair spiked up. Also I kept thinking to myself, “He looks really hot in that navy button down shirt. And damn! Why haven’t I noticed that he’s gotten muscular?”

The date was going just the way I imagined it and I started to become more comfortable with the idea of Chris and I becoming more than just friends.

When we were walking out of the restaurant, we saw Ryan sitting at a table across the room. He was dressed to try to impress and he was sitting and flirting with a girl who wasn’t Kalie.

I stopped in my tracks and watched as Ryan made out with his secret lover. Chris walked over to me and whispered, “Don’t do anything you’re going to regret.”

“Oh trust me I’m not going to regret this.” I walked with purpose over to Ryan and tapped him on the shoulder.

“What?! Can’t you see I’m busy!” he snapped. His face went pale when he saw me standing there with my hands on my hips.

“So you say you love Kalie? If you love her then why the hell are you here with this tramp?!” I pointed to the girl he was sitting with. Boy did she look like he had gotten her from off the street. I wouldn’t have been surprised if she was a hooker or some pole dancer. “Wait until Kalie finds out! Your ass is going to be kicked to the curb sooner than you can gravel ‘But Kalie I can explain!’”

“You won’t tell her,” he said staring at me with hard, angry eyes.

“And why wouldn’t I?!” I snapped back.

“You don’t even talk anymore. You’re not her friend anymore. You told her the guy she’s in love with doesn’t love her back and is an asshole. She told me everything and I told her it wasn’t true and she believed me. So now I’ve got both Kalie and the gorgeous Jackie,” he said being self confident and an utter ass.

“You know what? I am right about you! You’re nothing but a bastard,” I hissed through gritted teeth.

“Oh yeah,” he stood up and looked down at me, “what are you going to do about it?”

“What I should have done the day you were over my house!” I slapped his face hard leaving a five star.

“Michelle is right! I should have listened!” I heard Kalie’s voice come from behind me.

“Kalie I can…” Ryan started but she interrupted him.

“Don’t even go there! You are a fucking bastard! We’re done!” She turned to me and almost started to breakdown, “I should have listened to you Mich. I feel so stu…”

I grabbed her shoulders and pushed her toward the door. As I did I whispered in her ear, “Don’t breakdown in front of that jerk. Be Kalie Marie, the girl who doesn’t cry over boyfriends. How are you getting home?”

“I don’t know because I brought the bus here. Ryan said he was going to drive me home and spend the night.”

“We are driving you home,” Chris and I showed her to his car.

Once Chris started driving Kalie said in a near whisper, “I feel so stupid.”

“Why Kay?” Chris asked looking at her in his review mirror.

“I should have listened to you and the rest of our friends and my siblings. I should have known you were telling me the truth about him. I’m so sor…”

“Kalie,” I interrupted, “you don’t need to apologize to me or Chris. You were blinded by him but now you know the truth about him. If I were you I would apologize to your siblings, Dan and Tally, and especially Nick. He’s really beaten up that you’re not talking to him. He misses you enough as it is.”

“So you’re not mad at me?”

I turned around in my seat to look at her face and smiled, “Of course I’m not. You needed to see what a jerk he was for yourself. I’m glad you can see again.”

“And I’m glad you’re not mad at me!”

“How can I be mad at my best friend?”

“And Chris you’re not mad at me are you?”

“No. Like Mich said how can I be mad at my best friend?”

“I love you guys!”

“We love you too!” Chris and I said in unison.

“So why were you guys at a fancy restaurant like that just the two of you?”

I looked at Chris and grinned at him, he returned the favor.

I said sweetly, “We just went on our first date.”

“I KNEW IT!” she exclaimed. “It took you two long enough! Now all we need to do is hook up Dan and Tally! Congrats guys.”

“Don’t say that yet,” Chris laughed, “It was only our first date.”

“But do you want there to be more?” she questioned.

“Yeah I do. What about you Mich?”

“I’d love to go out on more dates with you,” I replied.

“Awe!” Kalie squeaked, “You two are going to be such the cute couple!”

Chris and I chuckled and continued on our trip back home.

She apologized to all of us the next day and we all forgave her but she didn’t learn her lesson.

He came crawling back to her a few weeks later asking for her forgiveness and a second chance and coming up with all this bullshit of how much he missed her and he can’t live without her and how much he supposedly loves her. So she foolishly took him back.

I didn’t want anything to do with Ryan so I made her promise me that she would make time to hang out with me and the rest of our friends without Ryan and she agreed because she knew how much we all didn’t like him. Again I have to admit that in the beginning he was the boy we knew in high school but after a certain amount of time his whole personality would change. And his partying didn’t help too much either. He was very heavy handed when it came to booze.

We were all starting to concern over her when we noticed random bruises all over her body suddenly. She claimed they were her fault because she tripped over something or accidentally bumped into something but we all knew Kalie, she wasn’t at all clumsy, I mean she was a professional dancer for crying out loud. All of this was happening when Nick was on break before tour and he was getting angrier and angrier that this was happening to his best friend.

“She deserves better than that piece of shit!” he kept repeating.

“I know she deserves better Kaos. But we can’t tell her that because you remember what happened the last time. I don’t know about you but I don’t want her to be mad at me again. I want to intervene but she does need to learn for herself. I guess that’s the only way she’s going to learn,” I said shrugging my shoulders.

“I hate that this is happening to her.”

“We all do Kaos but she does have to learn for herself,” Crystal agreed with me, “I hate to say it but it’s probably true. I guess she’s really in love with him.”

“Or just afraid of being lonely,” Dan threw in.   

Chapter 11 Tickets To Go To Madison Square Garden

***Kalie’s Point of View***

Pure tension between Ryan and my best friends grew rapidly. At least my siblings put up with my boyfriend because he and I went to colleges that were ten minutes away from each other so we would alternate between staying at the house my siblings and I shared and going back to his place.

Even though my siblings tolerated my boyfriend I could tell they hated him but I didn’t care because I loved him and he loved me back. Couldn’t anyone see that?

Kyle and Kasey were always on edge around him. They always had defensive looks on their faces and kept reminding me of how much they despised him. Kim and James moved out after they got married so my sister didn’t touch upon my relationship as much as my brothers did. She was being more like my friends who stayed away from the subject. Even my parents and grandparents couldn’t see that Ryan and I were in love. It was really starting to bother me that the most important people in my life couldn’t get along with the most important boyfriend.

My family wouldn’t allow him at any family functions after he supposedly flirted with my cousin Karen, who was Kim’s age, at one of the Smith family picnics. I didn’t think he was flirting but my family did. The Smith’s also didn’t appreciate all the public display of affection he was giving me. I even have to admit that he was being rude with the way he was showing his affection for me in front of my entire family. PDA was fine as long as it was holding hands or giving each other little kisses here and there but Ryan was constantly slipping his tongue down my throat and was ready to throw me down on a picnic table and take me right then and there with everyone watching. Then he did the unthinkable to the most respected Smith family member.         

“Ryan, could you please do us all a favor and get a hold of yourself? We all know you’re dating Kalie but please just be conscious that there are little kids around and that the rest of the family doesn’t want to see you get physical with their cousin, niece, sister, daughter and granddaughter,” my grandfather said calmly to him.

He looked my grandfather in the face and to my ears’ amazement and shock heard him say, “I don’t need to listen to you old man. Kalie’s my girlfriend and I can do whatever I want with her.”

Now my grandfather was a very patient and caring man who I have rarely seen lose his temper but whenever he did his ears would turn red and a vein on the top of his bald head would start pulsating. He was a short man too but he was very strong and could throw his weight around if he really needed to which made him intimidating. He was also a boxer in his day. My great uncles, Grandpa’s brothers, have told us kids stories about how they would play fight each other and Grandpa would simply over power his brothers who were all taller and younger than him.

After Ryan stupidly said that, Grandpa’s vein started pumping and his ears turned a bright, blood red, “GET OUT! LEAVE NOW! AND DON’T YOU EVER COME NEAR MY FAMILY AGAIN!”

Ryan chuckled and grabbed my wrist, “Let’s go babe. We can have more fun at my place.”

“Like hell I’m leaving my family! Go home and have fun by yourself! How dare you disrespect the patriarch of my family! How dare you disrespect my grandfather! He would have let you stay if you didn’t open your rude mouth and cut down on the PDA! What the fuck is with you?!”

“Come on! Let’s just go home Kay.”

“No! I’m not leaving my family!”

“Let’s go!"

“She said she’s not going with you! Let go of my daughter!” my dad ripped his hand off my wrist.

“You heard our grandfather,” Kyle stood face to face with Ryan. He said with gritted teeth, “Get out of here!” Kyle stood a good foot taller than Ryan and was also a lot more muscular; he took after Grandpa and became a boxer too. “I don’t see your feet moving. Maybe you need a little push then,” my brother pushed Ryan’s shoulders and he stumbled backwards but caught himself and walked angrily back to his car.

Once he was out of sight my father said to me, “Why are you dating him?”

“Daddy I don’t want to hear it. I hear it enough from my friends. I don’t know what I’m going to do because I love him.” I walked slowly over to my grandfather with my eyes to the ground. “Grandpa,” I said just loud enough for him to hear, “I’m so sorry.”

“Kalie Marie Smith. You don’t have to apologize for that jerk you call your boyfriend. He’s the one who should be apologizing.”

“Then I’ll talk to him and make him apol…”

“No Kalie. I don’t want an apology from him because I have a strong feeling deep in my gut that he won’t really mean it. Kalie you just need to make up your mind about him. But I don’t want him around our family. If you do decide to stay with him make time for your family without him. I don’t want to lose you but I don’t want him around our family.”

“I have to think about it Grandpa.”

“Come here and give me a hug. I love you Kalie and I’m just trying to keep you safe. We’re all just trying to keep you safe.”

“I know. I love you too.”

My friends and I also made a deal that we would all set aside one or two days a week so we could hang out with each other without Ryan. While we hung out Ryan hung out with his friends who I didn’t particularly like so at least that deal was mutual in a sense.

About a month after the episode with my family, Nick called me up when Michelle and Crystal were hanging out at my house.

“Hey Nick! What’s up bud?”

“Not much Kayl. The Boys and I are getting ready for the American leg of the Black and Blue tour. And I don’t really have a lot of time to talk but how would you like to go to a concert in Madison Square Garden?”

“Oh my god! I would love to! But how the hell am I going to get there?”

“Well I’ll get you guys round trip plane tickets and I’ll get you hotel rooms. Do you think the rest of our gang will be interested?”

“Hell yeah we are!” the girlies screamed. “And count in Dan and Chris.”

“You’re on speaker Nick,” I informed him.

“Oh ok then. I guess I’ll get five tickets.”

“Could you make it six please?”

“For who?”

“For Ryan.”

“Kalie really?”

“Yes Nick. I know you don’t like him but I want him there.”

“Alright fine. Now how many rooms do you want me to book for the hotel?”

“How about three?” I suggested.

“Why three?” Crystal asked.

“Well I figured one for me and Ryan, one for Mich and Chris and the other one for you and Dan. Maybe that will get the ball rolling between the two of you,” I said jokingly.

“Kalie,” Crystal said a little exasperated, “you know there is nothing between Dan and I besides friendship.”

“We know Tally,” Michelle piped in, “You and I can share a room and Dan and Chris could share the other one.”      

“Ok fine. I’ll book three rooms then,” he said with a hint of frustration in his voice.

“Nick I know you don’t want Ryan there but I do. Can’t you accept the fact that he is still my boyfriend?”

“Alright I’m sorry. But mark my words, if he mistreats you while you are in New York I don’t want to see him around you ever again.”

I didn’t reply.

“So how are we getting to and from the airport?” Crystal changed the subject.

“We’ll I’ll have a van waiting for you guys when you get off the plane in JFK. And it will take you to the hotel and to the concert.”

“You’re too much Nick!” Michelle exclaimed. “Can we pay for something?”

“No. I get the tickets for free, your backstage passes are free and my driver owes me a favor and said he doesn’t want to be paid for driving you guys. And to tell you the truth the hotel rooms are free also because five people from our road crew canceled last minute but the five rooms were already paid for. So I figured someone might as well use them. That way you’ll have a place to crash after the concert and you get to hang out with us the day after before you leave.”

“Good deal,” us girls said.

“Now we’ll just have to figure out how we’re getting to the airport then,” Crystal said.

“Well that’s for you to decide because I gotta go. I’ll see you guys in a few weeks. Love yas.”

“Love ya too Kaos,” we replied in unison then I hung up my cell phone.

Michelle called Chris and Crystal called Dan to tell them that we were going to New York. They loved the idea and were excited to see their best friend perform in Madison Square Garden. It took a little convincing but Ryan agreed to come with us.

A few weeks past and before we knew it our bags were packed and the six of us were waiting for the limo to take us to the airport.

The two and a half hour plane ride went smoothly and we only brought along carry on luggage so we didn’t have to wait at baggage claim. We found our driver Billy and were on our way to meet BSB at the hotel.

“You guys are finally here!” Nick smiled at us girls when we ambushed him to give him a big group hug.

“I still can’t believe you actually flew us out here for one concert!” Crystal commented.

“We’re so lucky to have you as a best friend,” Michelle added.

I added, “Mich is right. You are the best Nick.”

“I know,” he chuckled, “I try. Come on let’s get you guys checked in. Then wanna relax by the pool for a little while before we have to get ready for the show?”

“Sure. Where are the rest of the guys?” Dan asked.

“Already at the pool,” Nick answered. “I told them I’d bring you guys around before the show.”

He showed us into the lobby and we checked into our rooms. Ryan and I got a room on the first floor while BSB and the rest of my best friends got rooms on the third floor. We changed into our bathing suits quickly so we could have as much time as possible to hang out by the pool.

It still amazed me how happy the rest of the Boys were to see us again. I don’t know about the rest of the group but I would get the occasional call from each of the Backstreet Boys and I think with every time we hung out with each other we became closer friends. That day we also met the Backstreet Boys’ other halves; Kevin’s wife Kristen, Brian’s wife Leighanne, Howie’s girlfriend Leigh, and AJ’s girlfriend Rochelle. Pretty soon they became our good friends too.

“Oh look at the time. It’s already five. We have three hours until the show,” Kevin said. “We need to go shower then run to rehearsal.”

“You’re right Kev,” Brian agreed with his cousin. “We’ll see you guys in the audience.”

“And we’ll see you backstage,” AJ chipped in.

“See you guys later. Break a leg out there,” Dan said kindly.

“Thanks,” Howie answered. BSB left us and their wives and girlfriends chilling in the pool so they could get ready for their show. The rest of us stayed for about half an hour while we made plans to all go out to dinner in the hotel before heading to the Garden.   

Chapter 12 I Knew It!

Dinner with the “Backstreet Girls”, as they called themselves, was a lot of fun. Dinner was filled with laughter and delicious food. Well it was for everyone except Ryan. He sat at the table and never uttered a word. He was also muttering something under his breath about his food being too expensive and tasteless. I don’t know what his problem was because the food was awesome and he was usually not this quiet.

At one point during dinner Ryan’s cell phone rang. He shot up from the table without excusing himself and headed toward the hotel lobby. My best friends and new friends looked at me with questioning faces. I just shrugged it off and continued the conversation we were having.  

***Ryan’s Point Of View***

“Hey Ryan baby!”

“Hey Jackie,” I said to my girl.

“Are you in New York yet?”

“I got in yesterday. I’m sorry I didn’t call you. I couldn’t get away from her.”

“Can you get away from her tonight?”

“I’m trying to figure out if I can get out of going to this concert tonight. I would much rather spend the night with you.”

“Awe baby! I miss you so much!”

“I miss you too Jackie. I promise I’ll find some way of getting out of this concert. If not I’ll leave early.”

“Ok Ry. Can I come to your hotel though? I can’t get rid of my roommates. They know about you but they’re not willing to let me have the room to myself tonight.”

“Just come on over. I gave you the address right?”

“I memorized it. I can’t wait to see you tonight honey. Call me when the coast is clear. Oh should I wear the black set or red set?”    

I pictured Jackie lying down in the hotel bed in nothing but either her sexy black bra and matching thong or the red set she sometimes wore when we met up and stayed the night with each other.

My mouth started to drool as I imagined hovering over her half naked, supermodel body and answered, “You decide. You’ll look sexy no matter which one you wear.”

She giggled, “Alright then. I’ll surprise you. See you tonight honey.”

“I can’t wait.” I hung up my cell, wiped the drool from my lip and started to think about how I was getting away from the concert as I walked back into the restaurant.

***Kalie’s Point Of View***

Ryan got back to the table and I questioned lightly, “Who was that?”

“Ellie. She wanted to know if the plane ride went alright. And she wants me to visit tonight but we have the concert,” he said.

Ellie was Ryan’s older sister who moved out to New York to attend college. She was about Kim’s age I think. I never met her but Ryan went out to New York before to visit her.

“Well you could go visit your sister instead of going to the concert. I know how much you don’t want to go.”

“No I’ll go. If it makes you happy it makes me happy,” he said with sarcasm dripping from his voice. “I’ll just go visit her tomorrow.”

“Fine,” I breathed out. I was starting to not care about the remarks he made like that anymore. I just brushed it off my shoulder and finished my Dr. Pepper.

“Oh wow!” Leighanne said as she looked down at her watch. “It’s already 7:30. The show starts in a half hour!”

“Man does time fly when you’re having fun,” Rochelle chuckled.

“Yeah we should get to the Garden before the guys start worrying,” Leigh said.

“Remember the last time we were late for a show?” Rochelle asked.

“Oh boy!” Kristen exclaimed. “Kevin almost called out a search party for the four of us. Come on let’s go before they start calling us.”

We nearly sprinted toward the vans that were waiting to take us to the concert.

Madison Square Garden was packed! It was a good thing the VIP seats were reserved for us because there was no possible way we could have found seats anywhere else in the stands.

One of the body guards showed us to our seats and before we settled down Ryan whipped out his cell phone and walked away from us.

“Where are you going?” I called after him.

“I have to call my sister back. She left me a message.”

***Nick’s Point Of View***  

“Are the VIP’s here yet?” I asked Jen our tour manager.

“They just took their seats. Now you better get changed. The show starts in 15 minutes.”

“Thanks Jen. I’m heading there now.”

I caught up to the rest of the guys and we walked into our dressing room.

Standing in the hallway was Ryan talking on the phone with someone. He was talking in a quiet, gentle voice almost like he was in love with the person who was on the opposite end of the call.

I pressed my ear against the door and listened. AJ did the same. He didn’t trust Ryan either. In fact none of the Boys trusted him. They really did care about Kalie too.

“I promise I’ll get out of this damn concert and we’ll spend the rest of the weekend together. I’ll even go back to Florida with you… Don’t worry about her. She already has a way to get home.”

I knew it! He had another girl beside Kalie! This was the second time he cheated on her. Oh that scum bag had to go! But how could I make her realize it? Just then a brilliant idea popped into my head.

“I can’t believe him!” AJ exclaimed. “He’s two timing Kalie! She has to get rid of him! She deserves so much better!”

“I know. And I have an idea to help her realize that. Hopefully she’ll take the hint.”

The Boys huddled around me and I explained my plan.    

Chapter 13 Take A Hint!

***Kalie’s Point Of View***

The concert was absolutely amazing! The show started off with Brian’s voice singing, “We’ve been through days of thunder,” and continued with the rest of Everyone. The lights flashed to the beat of the music and the Boys performed the choreography perfectly. I think my favorite part of the song was when the lights slowly dimmed when Nick echoed his part, “Turn the lights down low!”

I loved the concert especially because Black and Blue was my favorite album so far. I also loved how they sounded live. I was arguing with myself about the live versions of some songs being better than the recorded song.

About half way through the concert Ryan started texting someone nonstop and he wouldn’t tell me who it was. I figured it was one of his friends who he knew I disliked. So I just shrugged it off and had the time of my life taking in the concert.

“Kalie it’s one of our favorite songs!” Michelle exclaimed.

She was right. The band started to play the music for Get Another Boyfriend and Crystal and I joined in to Michelle’s excitement.

The Boys moved in defiant steps to the front center of the stage where we were.

BSB sang with strong, powerful voices and I thought I was hearing things. I knew the lyrics to the song by heart but that night I heard lyrics that weren’t sang on the recorded version.

This is what I heard,

“Get another boyfriend Backstreet ...

Check it Let's talk about one,
Kalie You gotta hear me out
Do you really want to be the last to know
what it's all about
Let's talk about who you say
Is the essence of your life
But he'll eat you up from inside slow
And then he doesn't wanna know
I'm tellin you he'll eat you up from inside
And then he doesn't wanna know

Listen, I mean it
There's nothing that he's worthy of
He's just another playa',
Playin in the name of love
I've seen enough, now this must come to an end
Get another Boyfriend

Let's talk about what,
He's done to become your number one
Or was it all the promises of diamonds,
pearls and party dresses that turned you on
I've seen it before (Take a hint!)
Anymore, free too,
You're through for sure
Just go get on with your life STOP!
Acting like you're giving up
I'm telling you, go get on with your life
Stop acting like you're givin’ up

Listen, I mean it
There's nothing that he's worthy of
He's just another playa',
Playin in the name of love
I've seen enough, now this must come to an end
(must come to an end)
Get another Boyfriend

[synthesized voicing saying "Why?" & "Get another Boyfriend"]
STOP”

The band paused for a minute and the Boys stood with their hands palm side up extended toward the audience. Did I really hear my name? I shook the thought from my head. But then again all five Backstreet Boys seemed to be staring at me as they sang the song. No. They couldn’t have said my name. And they are right in front of us so it would look like they would be staring in our direction.

The music started again with furry.   

“Hey Yeah ah
Hear me out, you must know what it's all about
he's just a playa in love this must come to an end
Get, another boyfriend

Listen, I mean it (I mean it)
There's nothing that he's worthy of
(ain't nothing that he's worthy of)
He's just another playa' ,
Playin in the name of love
I've seen enough, now this must come to an end
Get another , Get another, Get another Boyfriend”

By this part the Boys broke away from the choreography and danced however they wanted to. Nick started flipping out. He stomped his feet, spun around, ran toward the drums and banged his head with the beat. That’s Kaos for you, acting wild and crazy on stage. That’s how he got the nickname of Kaos.

“Listen, I mean it(hear me now)
There's nothing that he's worthy of
(you must know, what it's all about)
He's just another playa' ,
Playin in the name of love
(he's just a playa in love)
I've seen enough, now this must come to an end
(this must come to an end)
Get another Boyfriend, Get.....another boyfriend”

Nick took one last glance at me before he and the guys went back stage for their final costume change.

“They’re fucking singing about me!” Ryan hissed.

“No they’re not. Why would you say that?” I asked appalled.

“Yes they are Kalie! They even said your name in the beginning! I’m fucking leaving! How fucking dare they call me a player! Bye Kalie. I’m not staying at this fucking concert where these horrible singers lie about me in front of all these people. See you whenever you get back to the fucking hotel!” With that he stormed away from me before I could even try to calm him down.

So there I was standing without my boyfriend. Yeah I was with my friends but I was starting to feel alone. My friends tried to comfort me but for some reason I wouldn’t let them. Maybe I didn’t want to seem weak in front of the fans standing behind us or maybe I was tired of them always feeling sorry for me. It was then that I started to think about my future with Ryan. My eyes started to tear. I didn’t know what to do. I loved Ryan but…

My thoughts were interrupted when the boys came back on stage and Nick spoke into his microphone, “It’s time to go back a few years and slow it down a bit. But just a little bit. And we would like to dedicate this next song to a very special person in the audience tonight that we care a lot about. And we want to remind you that we’ll always be there for you.” He smiled in my direction. “I have a feeling you know who you are.”

Nick smoothly started singing All I Have To Give. He looked right at me as he did so. I was reminded of when he sang it to me after what happened to me and Dylan. He even smiled the same bright smile. I smiled back and felt a single tear run down my face.

I guess I let that single tear fall because I thought of what happened to me and Dylan and was guessing that was the way Ryan and I would break up. But the tear was somewhat happy too. This was the second time Nick sang that song directly to me after some stupid guy made me upset. And now all the Boys were singing one of my favorite songs to me. Even my best friends joined in. They made me feel so loved and cared about. Maybe I didn’t need Ryan to make me happy after all. I finally realized that my friends were going to be there for me no matter what.         

We stayed backstage for a few good hours. But towards the end of the night BSB brought up a subject that made me a little upset and started the gears in my head.

“So Kayl,” Nick said, “I saw Ryan walked out on you… like Dylan did.”

“Yeah,” Brian added, “Why was that Kalie?”

“He was being stupid. He said that Get Another Boyfriend was about him and I and that you guys even sang my name on stage and that you were all calling him a player.”

“That’s because we did,” Kevin said gently.

“What?” I asked in disbelieve.

“We sang that song for you tonight Kay,” Howie answered.

“Nick and I heard him talking on the phone with some other chick before the concert,” AJ commented.

“He’s cheating on you Kalie… again,” Nick spoke up. “He was setting up a date with her for tonight Kayl. She was probably the one he was texting all night.”

“You saw that huh?” I nearly whispered.

“We also saw how sad you were when he left,” Brian commented.

“Kalie is he really worth all of this sadness?” Howie asked.

“What do you mean?”

“We all see how he treats you honey,” Kevin said.

“You deserve so much better Kalie,” Nick placed his hands on my shoulders and looked into my eyes, “Why can’t you see that?”

I didn’t know what to say.

“We’re only trying to help you out babe,” AJ grabbed my hand. “A caring, gentle, fun, sweet, beautiful girl like you deserves better, much better than that scum.”

I glanced at my best friends and they just nodded their heads. Then my eyes met those of the Backstreet Girls.

Leighanne said, “Once a cheater always a cheater sweetie.”

“There are so many other good guys out there Kay,” Rochelle said.

“You don’t have to live with a guy that will only break your heart over and over again,” Kristin piped in.

Leigh agreed and mimicked Howie’s question, “Everyone who has told you there are other fish in the sea are telling the truth. Is he really worth all this sadness?”

The only thing I could do was look at the ground. I couldn’t look at anyone standing in that room.

I finally breathed out, “I don’t know what to do. I love him.”

Kristin came over and hugged me. She whispered in my ear, “I know how you feel because I went through the same thing. I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with this one boyfriend but he cheated on me… more than once. But because I convinced myself that I loved him I believed him every time he apologized. He never really meant it though because he kept cheating on me. My friends kept telling me to dump him but I was in love with him. I finally realized that he was never going to change when I caught him in the act with one of his other girls. He broke my heart, he really did. I just pray that it doesn’t take that to make you realize that Ryan’s never going to change either. A girl like you doesn’t deserve to have her heart broken. And I found my true love in Kevin. Trust me, someday you’ll find your true love also.”

Well I guess who ever Kristin was praying to didn’t pay attention to her prayers that night because… well… just keep reading to find out.         

That night I climbed the stairs to the third floor by myself. Nick wanted to walk me to my room but I insisted on walking alone. I had a heavy issue on my mind I had to think about.

The hallway seemed to continue on forever as I journeyed to the last room which I shared with Ryan. I slipped the key in the door and opened it slowly so it wouldn’t make a noise incase my boyfriend was sleeping.

But he wasn’t sleeping. Oh he was far from sleeping. He was ripping off the clothes of some girl with long red hair and a supermodel’s body. The Boys were right. Ryan was cheating on me… again.

I just stood there with a dropped jaw until finally I cleared my throat and crossed my arms defiantly.

Ryan looked up from sucking on her over sized chest. His eyes went wide when he saw me standing there watching.

“Kalie!” he said with a surprised voice. “I can explain!”

I screamed back at him, “NO! FUCK YOU! WE’RE DONE! Your things will be packed when you get back to Florida. Have a nice fucking life with that whore.”

I grabbed my bag which was still packed and ran out of the room. He didn’t even try to run after me.

I ran through the hallways toward the elevator. I pressed the button for the floor where everyone else’s rooms were. I didn’t know where I was going. I knew I could have gone to any one’s room I wanted to but then I didn’t want to hear my friends say, “We told you so.”

I exited the elevator and started to walk the hall. I stopped in front of room 128. I looked down at the paper where I had written down everyone’s room numbers. 128 held Nick. I couldn’t face him, not tonight, not in the condition I was in.

The room next to it was 130, Michelle and Crystal’s. They would understand, I thought to myself.

I banged on the door and both of my girlies answered. Once I saw their faces I broke down in tears and whimpered, “You were all right! He is cheating on me! He’s with the other bitch right now! I should have trusted all of you!”

Michelle and Crystal pulled me and my bag into the room and just let me cry. They didn’t say, “We told you so,” like I thought they would. They just let me cry as they hugged me.  

Chapter 14 A Stupid Reason to Cry

So that was the end of 2000 going into 2001. Now the story continues on July 21st, 2001.

I remember that day like it was yesterday. Nick had left me a message telling me to watch MTV in the afternoon when I got home from teaching at the dance studio. I called up my girlies and they said they got the same message. So we decided to go over to Michelle’s to watch our favorite Boys on tv.

Michelle had just paid the pizza guy as Crystal turned on MTV. Michelle just placed the pizza box on the table and we each grabbed a slice when MTV News came back from commercial break.

The boys came on stage one by one and sat on the tools that were waiting for them.

“Where’s AJ?” Michelle asked when she noticed our good friend was not with the rest of the Boys.

“And they all look so sad. I wonder what’s up?” Crystal asked with her voice full of sympathy.

The screaming fans subsided and Kevin was handed a microphone.

He raised the microphone to his lips then looked with heavy eyes at his band of brothers. Nick lowered his head to the floor. The three of us girls looked at each other with questioning looks on our faces and we were all thinking the same thing, What happened to AJ? Where is our friend?

After a pause that seemed to last forever Kevin took a deep breath and spoke these words that shattered the world of Backstreet fans around the globe, “We are cancelling all of our upcoming shows due to the fact that AJ checked himself into rehab for drug and alcohol abuse and depression.”

The audience filled with Backstreet fans went silent. The three of us gasped and looked at each other.

Our heads went back to the tv and the fans surrounding the Boys were shocked as well. My friends and I glued our eyes to the tv as the Backstreet Boys were being interviewed about the stunning news.

Nick became very upset about his friend and tried his hardest to keep back the tears. Seeing Nick so upset made me even more upset and I lost my control over the tears threatening to run down my face. I felt like I was crying for Nick and myself.

I remember how the three of us all sat there and cried about the news. We were all big fans of AJ but we were also very good friends of his. We had no idea he was battling with drug and alcohol abuse and he always seemed so happy and cheerful; none of us would expect him to be depressed.

We cried for about five more minutes until Chris and Dan came back home from work.

“What’s the matter?!” Chris asked when he walked into the living room.

I sniffled and answered breathlessly, “AJ checked himself into rehab.”

“For what?” he asked again.

“For drug and alcohol abuse,” Crystal choked out as she cried in Dan’s arms.

“And… depression,” Michelle said in disbelieve. “But he was always so cheery and upbeat. How could he be depressed?”

“A lot of people in the entertainment world are depressed Mich. They just try to hide it until it overwhelms them. But look on the bright side girls.”

“What bright side? AJ is in rehab,” I cried out.

“Exactly!” Chris replied. “He knew he needed help so now he’s getting it. It’s not like he’s still out on his own drinking, doing drugs and being depressed. He’s getting help for his problems and he’s going to get better. We all know AJ. He’s a very strong person and he knows better than to throw his life away.”

“I wish there was something we could do for him,” Crystal sobbed.

“There is something we can do,” Chris continued, “We can support him. Once we find out where he is we’ll send him letters weekly, even daily if you want, and we can remind him that we are his friends and that we love him. That’s what he needs right now girlies is a few good friends to help him get through this. And afterward we’ll help him stay healthy.”

Chris’s words were soothing but I couldn’t help but wonder what AJ was going through.

I called Nick to ask for the address of the rehab AJ was in. It was hard for Nick to talk about his band mate. Heck AJ was more than a band mate and a friend to Nick; he was more like a brother. AJ was a brother to every Backstreet Boy. When it came down to it AJ was a brother to me and my best friends too.

From that point on the five of us sent letters and the occasional care package with our famous homemade goodies to AJ. But also from that point the Backstreet Boys took a break and Nick decided he would create his solo album.

During Backstreet’s break, Nick and I got to see more and more of each other. I also got to help with writing some songs and giving him advice with the music. I even helped with ideas for some music videos. During that time my thoughts about Nick got stronger as Ryan and I started to drift apart. And trust me there was more than one reason why Ryan and I were drifting apart.

For example Ryan really pissed me off the night I found out AJ checked into rehab. At least he noticed my tears when he came home from work.

He walked into the living room where I was writing a letter to AJ and asked, “Why are you crying?” He wasn’t even sympathetic about it and it sounded like he didn’t really care why I was crying.

“AJ checked himself into rehab. I just found out earlier.”

“What?! Why are you crying over a Backstreet Boy? That’s a stupid reason to shed tears over.”

I stood up to him, “It’s not a stupid reason to cry! He’s more than just a Backstreet Boy to me Ryan! He’s one of my best friends! I had no idea that he was been battling with depression! I’m worried about him Ryan!”

He started at me with wide, surprised eyes. After a few seconds of silence Ryan muttered, “Oh.”

“Oh?! Oh?! That’s the only thing you can say to me is oh?!” I screamed back at him. “Get out of my house Ryan! I can’t believe how insensitive you’re being!”

So that night after I finished my letter to AJ I crawled into bed alone and angry at my boyfriend. Although the next morning before I went to work he apologized to my face and I accepted.

After that day in July, the rest of the month and August seemed to fly past as I wrote letter after letter to AJ and received letters from him. Before either of us knew it September hit; and it hit hard.

September 11, 2001 started off like any other day. I was going through my daily routine of getting ready for class then my teaching job at the dance studio. Ryan was in New York visiting his sister. He left for the city two days prior so I was missing him dearly. Once I found out what happened I became frantic.

Class had gone on as usual; the same old classes just a different day. I had gone through all my classes without hearing a word about the Twin Towers and I found out when I got to the dance studio.

Everyone was packed into the staff room. None of my students were waiting for me so I squeezed myself in with the rest of my coworkers. They were all crowded around the tv and I wasn’t able to see the screen.

I tapped Mark on the shoulder and asked, “What is everybody staring at?”

“The World Trade Center was hit by a plane,” Mark answered with disbelief coursing through his voice.

He moved over a step so I could see the tv. Just as I laid my eyes on the screen, the second tower was hit. The silence in the room was eerie. It seemed like the world stood still as life in New York City became hectic. I stayed silent as I watched the unbelievable sight unfurl before my eyes but my mind screamed questions about my boyfriend.

Dia decided to cancel the lessons for the day because all of her instructors were greatly affected by what had just happened. Most of them had family in New York. I was about to call Ryan when Nick called first.

“Kalie did your cousin get back home safely?”

My cousin Kurt was in New York on a business trip a week earlier. I had almost forgotten he was in the city. I was more worried about my boyfriend who was in the city during this crisis.

“He came home yesterday. But Ryan is in the city! And I haven’t heard from him.”

“What’s he doing in the city?”

“He left two days ago to visit his sister. She goes to NYU. Nick I can’t talk because I need to call him. I need to know he and his sister are alright.”

I was about to hang up when I heard him say, “Visiting his sister that’s what he says. He’s probably cheating on you again.”

“Nick drop it! This is not the time to start with this shit again!” With that I hung up my cell and called my boyfriend.

Thankfully Ryan and his sister were nowhere near the World Trade Center. He told me the city was shut down which was expected but a few weeks later, when Kyle and Melissa got married, he returned safely to Florida with his sister.

But he decided to become a police officer to follow in his father’s footsteps and that was another reason why we were drifting apart.

                                        Chapter 15 The Perfect Idea For A Song

At first I thought Ryan was joking when he said that he was going to enroll in the police academy but he was serious. From the point where he signed up for the academy he became very busy. I started to feel that becoming a cop was more important to Ryan than I was to him. He would come home late from the academy and it seemed that his head was always clouded and he was in some other world. I don’t know why I stayed with him but I did. I guess I was thinking, no praying, that things would get better after he finished the police academy.

Luckily Nick got some time to come home and he stayed at my house for a good while. I guess he knew I was lonely but I was ecstatic he decided to stay with me.

I knew Nick had to be bored waiting around for me all day so I decided to ask him if he wanted to come to the dance studio with me. I choose a Friday to ask him because I usually had no classes on Fridays and I only taught two dance classes.

I got home from school and found Nick playing some video game. His eyes were glued to the screen but I broke his trance when I asked him, “Wanna come to the dance studio with me?”

“Sure but let me finish this game. I’m just about to beat my high score for the 10th time.”

I stood in front of the tv and placed my hands on my hips. “The 10th time… seriously? Come on lets go. I only have two classes to teach today so I can show you a few moves if you like.”

“Alright I’ll go to the studio with you if you’ll play this game with me after dinner.”

“Deal. Now come on I don’t want to be late.”

We got to the studio before anyone else did so I taught him a few basic moves and some of the routines I was going to teach my students. It was a lot of fun teaching Nick. He was a quick learner and seemed to be very interested in learning what I was showing him.

“I should have brought you here a long time ago bud. You’re really good! You could be a professional ballroom dancer if you stick with me Carter.”

“Why thank you. And I’ll have to stick around now that you’ve said that,” he chuckled and I joined in.

My first class arrived shortly after and I continued with my working day.

***Nick’s Point Of View***

I watched these little 5 to 7 year olds learn an entire routine in about 45 minutes. I was amazed that they learned the entire thing in that short amount of time. Grant it the routine wasn’t perfect but still it was like they knew the dance forward and back. All they had to do was tweak a few moves and they would be ready to show it off.

I was impressed by those little kids but Kalie’s class of 13-15 year olds were amazing! She taught them the same routine she taught me earlier and those teenagers showed me up! They learned the moves in half the time that I did and they had a lot more balance than I did. I was tripping all over myself when I tried out the ball room moves. These teens were so graceful and poised it was unbelievable!

But of course my breath was taken away when Kalie danced with Mark. He showed up to help her with the older kids. They danced the entire routine after they taught the kids so their students could see the routine in entirety.

I’m sure it was an easy routine for Kalie and Mark but it took my breath away. As I watched Kalie dance the perfect idea for a song popped into my head. I searched in my pockets and miraculously found a pen and paper and jotted down the lyrics that were running through my brain.            

Kalie interrupted my song writing by asking, “So Nick, what do you think of my students?”

I looked up from my frantic writing to see the faces of her ten students staring at me waiting for my answer.

“You guys are awesome!” I replied. “And no joke guys, Kalie taught me your routine before you came today and you totally showed me up! You all look like pros compared to me!”

They all smiled widely and thanked me graciously for my kind words. I smiled at how happy I made them and I also smiled at Kalie’s bright grin she wore on her face. She was so proud of those kids and imagined how much she loved to teach them.

The students were dismissed and Kalie broke my writing trace again to inform me that we were leaving.

“So were you really that impressed by my students?”

“Oh hell yes! Their frigging awesome Kayl! They’re a lot better than I am.”

“Well that was only your first day of ball room dancing when they have been dancing for years.”

“That and they have been taught by the best dancer I know.”

She looked up at me and blushed a little bit as she smiled.

“Thanks Nick.”

“It’s the truth.” She giggled then jumped into the driver’s seat of her car.

“So what were you viscously writing there Kaos?”

“A song. I’m actually kind of stuck. Think you can help me?”

“When we get back to the house I’ll gladly help you.”

Once we got back to the house I handed Kalie the paper I was writing on and we sat down at the kitchen table together.

“Girl I saw you dancing,” she read aloud from the paper, “I’m looking like trash/But yet you’re glancing/ I said hello I’m a rock star/She said I don’t care who you are/Just take me with you/And I will blow your mind/This girl was crazy/Completely out of line/But how she amazed me/Ya should've seen her grind/I guess she blew my mind/So we've gone past dating”

She nodded her head, “I like it. So far so good. What are you going to use for the chorus?”

“Um from this girl to I guess she blew my mind. Got any ideas?”      

“Yes I do. Hand me that pencil please. Let’s see how we can finish this up.”

She wrote down, “She’s spending my cash/And I’m up waiting.”

“I like that. Keep going.”

“I said baby why the new car/She said I’m the girlfriend of a star/Just lend me half of this/And I will blow your mind. Then I think you should repeat the chorus again. Is that long enough?”

“Not really. Let me see the paper and pencil. How about “You should have seen her grind/I guess she blew my mind/ So typically me”?”

“Ok. I have more ideas,” she ripped the paper from my hands and wrote down more.

“Always falling for the easy/And now I can’t breathe.”

“I like that a lot! I think we can repeat that.”

She wrote down more, “So typically me/Always falling for the easy/And when you can’t see/She’s gunna blow your mind/Chorus.” She looked at the paper and nodded. “I think it’s pretty good. What do you think?”

I took the paper from her and read it over, “Kay… I think we have an awesome song in our hands right here!” I leaned over and kissed her forehead. “Thank you! You were always good at creative writing.”

“I better be. I took it all four years of high school,” she laughed. “Do you have music for it yet?”

“I do actually. I was just trying to get the lyrics down but now I don’t have to worry about it! This is definitely going on the album!”

She laughed at how excited I was getting. I jumped up and down and did a funny little dance I always did to make her laugh. I started singing, “We wrote a song! We wrote a song! We wrote a song!”

She got up from the couch and started to dance and sing with me. I kept changing my voice and Kalie couldn’t help but laugh. I would sing low, then high, when she thought my voice couldn’t get any higher I would raise it a few notes. She laughed until she started to tear and I had no choice but laugh with her.   

The only thing I could think about was how easy it was for Kalie and me to be ourselves around each other. I probably wouldn’t do something like this with anybody else besides her. Just that little incident made me think that I just wasn’t crushing on her. Was I actually falling for my best friend?

As we celebrated my cell phone rang. It was the director I was working with for my upcoming music videos.

“Have you found an actress for the video yet?”

“I did… but I didn’t ask her. But she’ll most likely say yes.”

“Alright Nick I’ll see you on Saturday to shoot I Got You. Your actress better say yes.”

“Don’t worry. She’ll say yes. See ya.”

“Who was that Nick?”Kalie asked me.

“The director.” She looked at me with a confused look on her face. “Oh yeah I forgot to tell you that I’m shooting two music videos. Did I let you listen to Help Me and I Got You?”

“Yes you did. And you also gave me the sheet music to both of them and I know them by heart. I also know Do I Have To Cry For You.”

“Oh I forgot I gave you all of that. How’d you like to be in the video for I Got You?”

“I’d love to! When do we shoot?”

“This weekend.”

“Ok I’ve got nothing going on. Do you have the script for it?”

I fished for it in my guitar case and pulled out the folded script. “Here it is.”

She looked at it and chuckled, “This script is in perfect condition here Kaos.”

I nodded my head. “That’s were all my important papers go.”

She glanced at the script and nodded her approval, “Oh good I don’t have to remember any lines. You’ve got yourself an actress bud.”

“Awesome!” 

Chapter 16 You Are Going To Be The Envy Of A Lot Of Girls

***Kalie’s Point of View***

The morning of the video shoot Nick excitedly woke me up. He ran into my room and jumped on my bed. He shook my shoulders and exclaimed, “Kayl! Kayl! Kayl! We got to get going! We’re going to shoot I Got You today! Come on! Get up! We have to go!”

I grabbed my pillow and started beating him with it. “Nick I get it! I’m up!”

He grabbed another pillow and sat on top of me. He sat on my stomach and whacked me with the pillow.

“Nick you’re going to squish me! Get off! I’m up!” I said laughing.

“Are you sure you’re up?”

“Yes I’m sure!”

“I just want to make sure,” his fingers flew to my sides and tickled me.

“NO! NICK! STOP! I’M UP I’M UP!” I was laughing so hard that I was crying.

“Ok. You’re up.” He laughed at me and got off my stomach. I threw the pillow I was holding and it hit him square in the back of the head.

“So where is the video set?”

“A dock with boats.”

“Which dock? We live in Florida. There are too many docks to even count.”

“The one were the Carter boat is.”

“Oh cool. How long do you think it will take to shoot the video?”

“We could get it all finished by today if we get there at a reasonable time. That’s way I woke you up early.”

Nick pulled into the dockyard and my jaw dropped. The set was perfect! The sand was white, the water was crystal clear, and there was not a single cloud in the sky.

“You ready to go shoot a video Kay?”

“Am I ever! What do we do first?”

“I’ll introduce you to the director and he’ll tell you what to do. But first I think you should go change into your bathing suit and throw the jeans and the shirt you have on now over it.”

The director was very nice and it was awesome working with him because he knew how he wanted the video to look and the video shoot went very well.

I listened to the director’s every word and did exactly what he said. I got a lot of, “Cut! Perfect! Print that! Next scene,” from him. Nick was the one who had to redo scenes over and over again.

“Ok guys let’s do the scene where you two are together in the water before the sun starts to set. Then we’ll get the scene back on the boat as the sun is setting and that will be the end of the day,” the director said to the both of us. We both got down into the water and waited for our directions.

“Nick, Kalie,” the director said after the cameras were all set up and the camera men were ready to film. “I want you two to just be yourselves for this scene. I want you to play around with each other. I know you have known each other since you were kids so pretend you’re kids again and you’re having a water fight in a pool. Don’t be afraid to splash each other in the face or try to dunk each other. This is a visual video so just have fun with it. I want to see expression and most of all smiles and laughter. Ready and action!”

I splashed Nick in the face and he splashed me back. We really did act like we were kids again fooling around in a pool. I challenged him to see who could get their head dunked first and Nick picked me up and moved me across his lap trying to make my head go under. It didn’t work and I caught him off guard as I nearly knocked him into the water. We forgot that we were being filmed and just kept horsing round not even hearing the director yell cut. When we did finally hear him say cut he wanted me to sit behind Nick with my arms around his shoulders as he sang a line from the song.

“I’m sorry if it feels uncomfortable but it does fit the song,” the director said to me.

I’m not uncomfortable about that at all!  I just don’t know if Nick is comfortable. I thought to myself. “No I’m fine with it. I am an actress after all.”

“Good,” the director nodded his head. “Ready and action!”

I slowly placed my arms around Nick’s shoulders and rested my head against his neck as he sang the line along with the music that was playing.

“And cut! Perfect! Now let’s get the final scene on the boat and we’ll be done with the whole video!” The camera men shipped all their equipment onto the boat and in a half hour the video was finished. In the final scene, Nick and I were watching the sun set, standing at the side of the boat. He was singing the final lines of the song and I came from behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist and leaned my head on his shoulder. The director yelled cut but we just stayed there and watched the sun set together.

“Guys I just wanted to say that today was an awesome day. I loved working with you two and I’m sure this video will be a hit and Kalie,” the director smiled at me, “you are going to be the envy of a lot of girls when they see this video.”

Nick and I both laughed nervously then said good bye to the director.

When the crew was driving off I asked Nick, “So are we going home now or what?”

“I was thinking we could stay here for the night.”

“Like the last time?”

“Yup. And you can choose if we sleep under the stars like the last time or in the sleeping quarters.”

I looked at the stars then a strong breeze blew. I rubbed my shoulder and shivered, “I want to sleep under the stars but it’s kind of chilly out here.”

“I’ll keep you warm out here. Take my hoddie.” He slipped his hoddie over my head. I had no time to protest.

“So I guess we’re sleeping under the stars then?”

“Yeah sure. I’ll go get the sleeping bags from the hull.”

Nick went below the deck and I called Ryan. The phone rang and rang until I had to leave a message.

“Hey. It’s me. I just wanted to let you know that I’ll be home in the morning. I went to go visit my aunt and uncle and I decided to stay overnight. Love ya.”

“Who was that Kayl?” Nick threw the sleeping bags on the deck.

“Ryan. I just wanted him to know I wasn’t coming home tonight. I said I was visiting family.”

“Oh. Why didn’t you tell him you were with me?”

“You know how much he doesn’t like you. He doesn’t need to know. And it’s not like anything is going to happen between us.

“Oh alright. Well…” Nick rubbed the back of his head.

“What’s the matter?”

“Both sleeping bags have broken zippers. One you can’t open and the other one you can’t close. So which one do you want?”

“How about we use the one we can’t open as a mattress and the one you can’t close as a blanket?”

“Sounds good to me.” Nick and I set up our “bed” and Nick was the first to lie down.

“Oh we don’t have any pillows?”

Nick crossed his arms behind his head, “I’ll use my arms and you can use my chest as a pillow.”

“Would you mind?” I noticed butterflies starting to flutter around in my stomach.

“No, not at all. You used me as a pillow that other night we slept out here. Did I say I minded then?”

“That’s true. But… don’t you think it’s awkward?”

“What do you mean? I don’t think it’s awkward. I mean yeah we’re not dating but… I have known you for so long. I don’t feel awkward around you at all.”

“Neither do I.”

“So come on lay down.” I lay down and gently rested my head on his chest. My breathing became heavy and nervous. Can he feel how nervous I am? Is he nervous?

“You know Kalie… You looked really good in that black bikini.”

“Really?” I answered quickly and nervously.

“I mean it. And I’m not just saying because I’m your best friend… I’m saying it because I’m a guy.” We both giggled. “Did you have fun today?”

“I had a lot of fun. It was like when we were in High School again.”

“Yeah. Just like when we were in High School.” He laughed, “Remember we acted like that at a pool party and the Monday after there was a rumor going around that we were dating?”

“Oh… yeah… I remember that. You don’t know how much trouble I went through to clear that rumor up.”

“I know. You were so stressed out. I remember it well. But that’s in the past now.”

“Exactly and that’s where it should stay,” I said softly.

“I agree.”

“The stars are so beautiful,” I commented.

“Yes they are. That’s why I love coming out here. I can just stay out here and stare at them all night.”

“I can too. It’s not that often you see stars in the city. But we have to get some sleep so we can drive home.”

“Can’t we just stay like this? I mean I got all I need right here…. my best friend. Just think about it we can stay here and just be with each other,” he looked down at me and smirked.

“That would be perfect. But we have to go back to reality some time,” I sighed.

“That’s the sucky part. Cause you know I am willing to stay like this and forget the world.”

Is he reading my mind? Does he feel the same way I feel about him?

“I can forget the world too but…you really can’t.”I looked up at him.

“I wish we could. Well good night Kalie. You’re right we really should get some sleep.”

“Good night Nick.” He kissed my forehead and I felt a tingling sensation overwhelm me.

The night got quiet and the lapping waves hitting the side of the boat created a surprisingly gentle lullaby.

I closed my eyes and just as I was about to fall asleep Nick slowly moved his hand down to my shoulder. I raised my eyes to his and found he was sleeping. Or was he just pretending to sleep?

I closed my eyes again and tried to fall asleep but I couldn’t. My arm was starting to fall asleep and I had to move it. I delicately placed it on Nick’s stomach. Was I moving too fast? Did he feel my hand on his stomach? Would he care?

The morning sun beat down on my face and the light pierced through my eyelids. I covered my face with my hand. I didn’t want to open my eyes because I feared the day before was all just a wonderful dream and if I opened my eyes it would disappear and I would find myself alone in my bed. But then Nick stretched out his arms and yawned.

“Kay are you awake?”

My heart started to beat a little bit faster. Oh my God! It’s not a dream after all! I really did spend a night out on a boat totally alone with Nick under the stars. Maybe this is a sign. “No,” I mumbled.

He looked at me. “I think we better get going.”

“I think we should sleep for another 10 minutes.”

“And get fried out here by the sun?”

“Ok I’ll get up.” I slowly raised my head and then the rest of my body. I sat up and rubbed my eyes.

“Good morning sleepy head.”

“Good morning Kaos.”

“You ready to go home?”

“I guess if you are.”

“I just have to put the sleeping bags away. I’ll be right back.” Nick got up and started folding up the sleeping bags.

“I’ll come with you. Just help me up.” He held out his hand and hoisted me up. “Thanks.”

“No prob. We’ll throw these back where I found them and then we’ll hit the road ok?”

“Alright but what are we going to do about breakfast. I’m pretty hungry.”

“We can grab something on the way. Or go to some diner.”

I glanced into the bathroom mirror and grimaced at how my hair looked. “I can’t go out looking like this. I haven’t showered either Nick.”

“You look fine,” he came behind me and glanced into the mirror. My hair was tangled and dried out from the sea water. I forgot my brush and I had a feeling it was going to be a nightmare getting it untangled.

“It’s a disaster! Look at how tangled it is. And it looks like it’s still wet but it’s so dry. This is disgusting!”

He took a step closer to me and I could feel him breathing on my shoulder. I was only in my bikini top because I had returned Nick’s hoddie to him. The night was freezing but the morning was hotter than hell.

“I think you look sexy,” he said matter of factly.

I felt my face flush. “Really?”

“Really. And I’m speaking out for those guys who wouldn’t say it yesterday. I mean you in this black bikini and your hair down. Damn!”

I laughed and shook my head. “Oh please stop.”

“Ha ha I’m making you blush!” He grinned widely.

“Yes you are so please stop.”

“Ok I’ll stop. Let’s go get breakfast. A Mickey D’s just opened up nearby.”

On the way home we talked about anything and everything except possibly having feelings for each other. But I did conjure up the courage to ask him something very important to me while we eat breakfast.

“So Nick…”

“Yes Kay?”

“Are you interested in anyone right now?”

“To tell you the truth,” I tried to keep myself calm as he thought about his answer. “I’m liking the single life right now. After Amanda and I broke up I promised myself a little break. Why’d you ask?”

I was trying my hardest to contain my composure, “I was just wondering that’s all.”

“Oh ok. Can I ask you something?”

“Go ahead.”

“Do you really love Ryan?”

I looked at Nick and hesitated before I answered. “Yes I do.”

He just nodded his head and continued eating his breakfast.

Chapter 17 A Vampire Movie and Raspberries

That night, Nick and I had our own little movie marathon because Rich called up and said he wouldn’t be home that night. We were almost kicked out of the Blockbuster because we were fooling around while we were picking out the movies we wanted to watch.

“What movie do you want to watch next?” I asked as the credits of the third movie we watched rolled.

 “How about this one that I picked out?” He showed me the horror movie he rented.

“Oh I hate horror films! I get really bad nightmares whenever I watch them.”

“Oh come on Kay. I’m here to protect you. I watched all the other movies you picked out. It’s only fair if you watch the single movie that I picked out. And trust me it’s not that scary. I’ve seen it before and I laughed throughout the whole thing.”

“I don’t know Nick.” He pouted and I broke in. “Ok fine we’ll watch it. But I’m grabbing a pillow just in case.”

“Chicken.”

“Yes I am and I’m not afraid to admit it.”

“Yet you’re afraid of an old, bad vampire movie that you haven’t seen yet.”

“Yup! You got me down to a science babe.”

He shook his head at me and started the movie. I grabbed a pillow and sat back on the couch next to him.

Nick laughed throughout the entire movie; I on the other hand hid behind the pillow for half of it.

“Kayl it’s ok to come out from under your pillow now. The movie is over you big chicken.”

“Are you sure? You fooled me for the last time Carter! You said that to me right in the middle of that damn movie and the friggin vampire jumped out and scared the crap out of me!”

“I’m sure it’s over. Look the credits are rolling.” He grabbed the pillow from my hands and I glanced at the tv. “I can’t believe you were scared by that movie. It was funny! The acting was terrible! That’s what made it so funny. You and I acted better in our school plays than these actors did.”

“I don’t find vampires jumping out at you funny Nick.”

“I do. That movie was nothing like the horror films of today.”

“Whatever. I told you I don’t do well with horror movies.”

“I can see that. But come on how scary can this be…” he wrapped the blanket I had draped over the couch around his shoulders like a cape and pretended to be the vampire from the movie. He imitated the accent perfectly, “My dear,” he smoothly came toward me. “You have this distinct smell it attracts me to you! It’s like nothing I have ever smelt before. It’s so strong! I can’t resist anymore!” He acted out the scene like he was the actor from the movie and I was trying my hardest to keep a straight face.

“You really know this scene don’t you?”

“Oh yeah. I’ve seen it over a hundred times. Want to see me act some more?”

My lips curved into a smile, “Sure.”

“Where was I… oh yeah here…” he moved his hand to behind my ear and tilted my head. “The smell is even stronger now! I can smell your blood!  Your young, living blood!” His lips were inches away from my skin, “This won’t hurt a bit. Trust me darling.” I could feel his breath beat steady on my neck as my pulse became faster and faster. Just when I thought he was going to kiss my skin, he made a raspberry on my neck.

“Nick! Stop!” I said laughing. “That’s so gross!” I tried to run away from him but he held my waist and wouldn’t let go. He kept making raspberries until I finally stopped struggling.

As soon as I stopped his lips came back to my neck again but this time he wasn’t trying to tickle me. His eyes were closed and he started kissing me gently over and over again on the same spot. My hands went up his arms instinctively. I felt his lips open and he began to suck my skin. I just stood there in shock. I felt like my body went numb. Nick stopped and, with his eyes still closed, slowly brushed his nose up my neck and turned my face to his. Then he opened his eyes and saw the shocked look on mine.

His eyes grew wide as he realized what he just did, “Shit! Kalie I’m sorry! I… I don’t know what got over me.”

“Nick it’s ok. You were just acting.” My heart dropped as I said those words.

“No I went too far with it I’m… I’m going to bed Kalie. I’ll talk to you in the morning.” He ran his fingers through his hair and stormed off into the spare bedroom.

Questions buzzed in my head as I lay in my bed trying to fall asleep. Was he really just acting? Did he want to do that to me all along? Does he like me like I like him? Was that his way of showing it? What about what he said to me on the boat? Is he giving me little hints that I’m not picking up on? Could it be that he’s trying to tell me how he really feels about me? Is Nick crushing on me? But then why did he look like he committed some awful crime when he realized he was giving me a hickey? Damn it! I can’t figure him out! He’s making me crazy! Does he like me or does he not?

The next morning I slipped out of the house without a single word from Nick. He was still in his room and I didn’t even bother to tell him I was leaving. I just left him a note telling him that I went to school then work as usual and that I hoped we could just forget the night prior and move on. I was praying that this wasn’t going to ruin our friendship.

I wanted to talk to my girls about what happened but the day was so busy I couldn’t get the chance to. In a way all the work I had to do took my mind off of what happened until I got home.

Nick was cooking his grandmother’s famous chicken and the delicious smell hit me in the face when I opened the door. I walked into the kitchen and Nick looked over his shoulder.

“Hey,” he said quietly.

“Hey,” I said in the same way. Great it’s awkward between us now.

“I got your note.”

I nodded my head.

“Kay, I’m sorry. I don’t know why I did that last night I…”

“Nick I already forgive you. You just got caught up in the moment that’s all.”

“Why didn’t you stop me?” That question hit me like a ton of bricks and I stood there stunned.

“I…I…” Should I tell him now? Should I wait? “I was frozen Nick. I didn’t know what you were doing and I didn’t expect it. I just froze because I was shocked. I couldn’t move Nick.”

He clenched his lips together and shook his head, “I was so stupid. I’m sorry. I really am sorry. I just… can’t believe I did that.”

I let out a sigh, “Nick I already said I forgive you. Can we just leave it in the past please? Possibly forget it ever happened?”

“As long as it won’t ruin our friendship.”

“I’m not going to let it ruin it. So are we cool? Am I still your best friend?”

“Of course you are. Come here and give me a hug.”

“It smells really good in here babe. When’s dinner?” I asked after we hugged.

“Oh about a half hour.”

“Good I’m starving.”

“Is Ryan coming home tonight?”

“No,” I said with a disappointed voice. “He says he has to stay at the police academy until he graduates unless he gets leave.”

Nick placed a hand on my shoulder and looked into my sad eyes, “I know you’re lonely without him, that’s why I’m here.”

That night I had a dream about Ryan, Nick and I. I dreamed that Ryan was lying to me about where he was staying while he was in police academy. He was still cheating on me and all those nights when he didn’t come home he was with that red head he was sleeping with in New York. I remember I had broken up with him in my dream and Nick and I had hooked up and started dating. I believed a lot in dreams. But this dream seemed very farfetched. I mean I was having feelings that Ryan was being unfaithful but I really don’t think Nick and I would be more than just friends, even though I was getting mixed signals from Nick.

As Nick and I spent more and more time together, I started getting more and more mixed signals and signs from him. I was also starting to doubt my relationship with Ryan again. My thoughts were starting to run wild about the two most important boys in my life and confusion was starting to become a big part of my life. But then again Nick was there to make me feel better and he also let me be on set for the Help Me music video.

That day had to be one of the best of my life. I had so much fun watching Nick shoot the video and Michelle, Crystal, Dan and Chris were also in the video so I got to hang out with all of my best friends. It was a good thing my girls were there because they noticed the way Nick acted around me too.

Before everyone left the set Michelle pulled me aside and asked, “Do you want to come over tonight and hang? I think we girlies need to talk.”

“I think we do too. I’ll be over after I take a quick shower. I also have to tell you about what happened the other night.”

Michelle looked at me with a big question mark on her face. “You better! I’ll see you after you clean up. You better race over to my house the second you’re finished getting dressed.”

“I will Mich.”

As soon as I walked in the door Michelle and Crystal sat me down and said hurriedly, “Spill everything.”

I took in a deep breath then told them everything from the first night Nick slept over my house to the night he almost gave me a hickey to the dream I had. When I was finished, my girlies turned to look at each other and smiled.

“What are you two smiling about?”

“Do you have feelings for him?” Crystal asked.

I thought about my answer before I answered quietly, “I think I’m starting to.”

Crystal asked one more question, “Are your feelings for Ryan starting to fade?”  

“To be honest, yes. He hasn’t been around ever since he decided to become a cop. I really don’t know what is going to happen to us. And Nick has been the one who has been keeping me company. I think I’m starting to have feelings for my best friend. Well that’s not true. I think I’ve had feelings for him ever since my sweet 16. But it’s not until now that they are becoming more noticeable.”

“You should tell him,” Michelle suggested.

“But how? And what about Ryan?”

Michelle came closer to me and placed her arms on my shoulders. “If Nick flirts with you again just cup his face in your hands like this,” she cupped my face then continued very dramatically, “then stare right into his eyes and say “Nickolas Gene Carter, I have been crushing on you ever since my sweet 16 and now I think it’s more than a crush Nicky, I’m falling for you. And I need to know are you falling for me?” Then if he says yes just kiss him! Then go dump Ryan and live your life happily with Nick.”

Crystal and I laughed hardily.

When I caught my breath I told Michelle, “Ok first, you know he hates being called Nicky. Second, I wouldn’t say that I’m falling for him. Third, I’m not as dramatic as you are Mich. I wasn’t the one who got led roles in all four of her years in school plays. And forth, I don’t think he has the same feelings about me.”

Crystal shook her head, “I know how you feel Kay.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well,” she started, “I have been getting mixed signals and signs from Dan but I’m still dating Dom.”

“I think Dan really likes you Tally,” I said. “He has this certain look in his eyes when he looks at you. Do you have feelings for him?”

She grinned, “Yes I do. And I don’t think Dom and I are going to last much longer.”

“Ok I’m going to say this for both of you,” Michelle added, “Tell the boy that you have feelings for him! He needs to know so maybe he could get the idea to tell you that he feels the same way. If you do tell him, it will take away a lot of confusion. That’s how Chris and I started dating and look at how happy we are together.”

She was right. Ever since they started dating she and Chris have been the happiest couple.

“I’ll tell him,” Crystal said with a smile on her face. “Are you going to tell Nick Kayl?”

I looked at Michelle and she said, “I think you should Kalie.”

“I want to but I don’t want to ruin my friendship with him.”

“Kay, honey, I doubt your friendship with Nick will ever we ruined,” Michelle cajoled.

“Ok I’ll tell him.”

That afternoon Nick came home from the recording studio just as I came home from Michelle’s house. We had a quiet dinner together then watched many episodes of our favorite comedy show Whose Line is It Anyway. We were sitting on the couch together and Nick had his arm resting on the top of it. It slowly inched down and stopped at my shoulders.

We laughed to the point of tears and somehow Nick and I got into a tickle fight. I ended up on my back with Nick hovering over me. After we stopped laughing Nick looked into my eyes. I got lost in those blue pools of his. I just couldn’t look away.

My breath quickened and those butterflies fluttered around in my stomach. His head started to inch closer to mine.

My mind raced. I can’t believe it. He’s going to kiss me! I parted my lips very slightly then… the phone rang.

Of course right at the highest point between Nick and I the phone rings. It was only Ryan calling to say that he wasn’t coming home again. I could have guessed he wasn’t coming home he didn’t really need to call. The call messed up possibly the best time I had to confess to Nick.       

Chapter 18 Miss America

The next morning after finding out that I had no school or work and Nick decided not to go into the studio, we went out to breakfast together. I also wanted to tell Nick how I had been feeling lately and I had the perfect chance until she walked in.

Breakfast was going smoothly and I could have sworn that Nick was flirting with me. I was just about to confess to him when Miss America herself walked into Nick’s life.

It was early morning in a small café, who would’ve ever known she would be there. She wore this skimpy little dress and her hips swayed when she walked. It was like she was walking down the cat walk at some fashion show. I, in ripped jeans and a red tank top, looked like a tom boy compared to her. I was trying to tell Nick what I was going to say to him but his jaw dropped when Paris walked into the room.  He was put in a trance by her beauty and I couldn’t get his attention.

She sashayed up to our table and Nick swallowed a lump of shock down his throat. I lowered my head and jabbed my fork into my French toast.

“Hi Nick.”

“Hey… hey Paris. What are you d-doing here?” Nick stammered.

“I come here a lot. But keep it a secret. The paparazzi don’t know about this place. Are you doing anything tonight?” her voice irritated me to no end. The sickening sweetness and seductiveness made me want to puke.

“I’ve got nothing going on.”

“Good. Do you want to go out on that date you promised me? You pick the time and the place?”

“Yeah. How about I pick you up at 7:30 and we’ll go out to dinner somewhere then go clubbing?”

“Perfect. I can’t wait! Here’s my number and the address of where I’m staying. I’ll see you tonight Nicky.” She winked at him before she turned for the door.

“Alright then.”  Nick eyed her ass as she walked out the door. I felt like I was just invisible sitting there.

Looks like you will never be able to tell him after all Kalie.

“Hello! Earth to Nick!” I waved my hand in front of his face and he shook his head. “Liked your little trip to outer space there Carter?” I said sarcastically and annoyed.

He just smiled widely and exclaimed to me in a whisper so the people around us couldn’t hear, “I’ve got a date with Paris Hilton tonight!”

“I know. I was sitting right here,” I answered half heartedly. “As if you would have noticed,” I whispered under my breath.

“Can you believe it?! Me! A date with Paris Hilton! I can’t believe it!”

I let out an annoyed sigh. At least Nick noticed that. He looked up from the piece of napkin Paris handed him and questioned, “What’s wrong?”

What’s wrong?! Paris friggin Hilton just ruined my chance to tell you how I feel about you! That’s what’s wrong! I wanted to scream to him but I answered coolly, “Nothing. Don’t worry about it. So when did you promise her to take her out on a date? I didn’t even know you had actually met her before.”

“Oh it was a while ago. I thought I told you. She was the one who wanted to meet me in the first place so she called my people and we met each other. I promised her that I would take her out sometime and it kind of slipped my mind when I started dating Amanda. But look! I’ve got her address and I’m taking her out on a date! Tonight!”

“Where are you going with her?” I asked coldly.

Nick didn’t pick up my attitude as he said happily, “I’m going to take her to Waterloo’s. The one we always used to go to. Near the Backstreet Market.”

“Oh.” Pretty much everyone in our school would hang out in Waterloo’s and the Backstreet Market. All five members of BSB met there so they named themselves after it. The Backstreet Market was basically a row of shops and restaurants that was off the beaten path so it was a safe place for kids and teens to hang out without their parents.    

“I’m so excited! I can’t wait!”

I rolled my eyes. “You ready to go home?”

“If you are.”

On the way home Nick kept singing, “I’ve got a date with Paris, I’ve got a date with Paris!” over and over again.

After a complete minute of him repeating those words I finally snapped, “Nick! Please stop! I get that you’re going out with Paris!”

“Sorry. I’m just so excited!”

“I know! But please just stop. I’m getting a headache from you repeating it over and over again.”

“I’m sorry Kay. I’ll stop.”

He stopped for the rest of the ride home but he continued when we got in the house. He was in his room trying to figure out what to wear for later but I could still hear him singing that damn little song he made up.

Please stop! I screamed in my head.  Do you want me to cry Nick!?

I was about to knock on his door to tell him to tone down the singing when he switched songs.

“I’ve just seen a face

I can’t forget the time or place

That we’d just met

She’s just the girl for me

And I want all the world to see we’ve met

Falling yes I have fallen

And she keeps calling me back again

Falling yes I am falling

And she keeps calling me back again.”

I was about to rip my hair out! I was right there when they set up that date and I didn’t need to be hearing him boast about it. He didn’t know but he was rubbing it in my face and it was really starting to get to me. I had to get away. I had to get away from my own house and away from Nick.

As I was thinking about where to go then my cell phone rang.

“Hey baby! I finally got leave!”

“Ryan! That’s awesome! Would you mind if we go out somewhere now that you have leave?”

“I was just about to ask you the same thing. How about we go to the park where we had our first date? It is our anniversary after all.”

“Oh shit Ryan! I totally forgot!”

“It’s alright baby. To be honest I forgot too until I looked at my calendar.”

“When will you be home?”

“In about a half hour.”

“Ok I’ll be ready by then.”

“Alright babe, I love you.”

“I love you too Ryan.”

Ryan was the perfect gentleman that day. It was beautiful just walking around the park with him and he was being the boy I feel in love with. That day was perfect and I was happy having a relaxing day with my boyfriend after it seemed like I haven’t seen him in years. We acted like we hadn’t seen each other in that long. It was really nice to have that time with him.

Then Ryan had to go back to the academy so he dropped me off at my empty house. But I wasn’t lonely for long because Crystal invited me to sleep over. Well really she invited me and Michelle over for dinner and a movie which in Crystal talk meant sleep over.

“Kalie! I knew you were going to bring your overnight bag! She’s staying Mich!” Crystal exclaimed as she opened the door.

“Yes girlies I am staying. I would have been calling you guys anyway because I would have been alone tonight.”

“What do you mean honey?” Michelle handed me a slice of pizza.

“I’m guessing today at the café didn’t go as planned did it?” Crystal winced.

“Not at all like I planned. I was just about to tell him when Miss America walked in and put him in a trance that I couldn’t get him out of.”

“Miss America as in blonde hair, blue eyes, perfect body, dressed in slutty clothes type?”said Michelle.

 “You hit the nail on the head with the description but I mean the Miss America.”

“You don’t mean?” gasped Crystal.

“Yes. I do mean Paris Hilton, Miss America herself.”

My best friends gasped.

“Why is she in our part of town?” Michelle asked. “Why is she in our state?”

“I don’t know and really I don’t care but she and Nick are going out on a date tonight and I’m never going to tell Nick how I feel about him.”

“Awe baby! I’m so sorry!” Crystal hugged me.

“But I’m ok.” My best friends looked at me. “Because Ryan had leave today and we went to the park where we had our first date. Today’s our anniversary.”

“How was he?” Michelle asked.

“His normal self. It was really nice.”

“Then,” Michelle continued, “why are you not spending the night together? Especially being the night of your anniversary?”

“He had to go back to the academy.”

“Oh,” was the final word said from both of my girlies about the Ryan subject.

The night was wasted away painting each other’s nails, braiding each other’s hair, pigging out on snacks, and watching movies. It was like we were kids again having an old fashioned sleep over. Crystal pulled out all her year books from elementary school all the way up to our senior year of high school and all the scrap books we made together. All of our wonderful memories came flooding back to us as we flipped the pages of the books. My friends kept my mind off of Nick and Ryan and we all didn’t have anything to do the next day. We planned on spending the day together and thank god it was a Saturday and I wasn’t needed at the dance studio. I didn’t want to leave my friends sides but I had to go home so I could do some house work.

I walked in the door after Nick. He was in the same clothes that he had left in the night before.

“Did you just get in?”

He smirked and answered, “Yeah. I did actually.”

Oh great. He stayed the night with her on the first date. There is no chance in me telling him now.

“So I’m guessing you two had fun?”

“We had a lot of fun,” he chuckled. That damn smile couldn’t be wiped from his face. “Where are you coming home from?”

“I spent the night at Crystal’s with Mich.”

“How was it?”

“A lot of fun. And a really big trip down memory lane. Tally pulled out her yearbooks and scrapbooks. We were laughing so hard at our school pictures. You should have been there. You would have been busting your gut.”

“Do you have your yearbooks?”

“Yeah I do but I don’t have time to get them out now. We’re going to Mich’s. You’ll see the yearbooks on New Year’s though. It’s been our tradition to look at them ever since we graduated.”

“Ok cool. I have to go clean up anyway. I’m taking Paris to the studio with me and then we’re going to the mall. I’ll see you tonight?”

“I think so. I’m not sure yet if I’m staying at Mich’s or not.”

“Ok well call me when you make up your mind. Hopefully see you later Kay.”

“Later Nick.” We hugged and went our separate ways.

That night I made it home before Nick. I peeked out of my bedroom window and watched as he paraded into the house whistling. My heart sank. I knew why Nick was so happy. Anybody could have figured it out. I mean come on; she’s flippin Paris Hilton and Nick’s well… a guy after all.

I flopped face first on my bed and cried. I was so confused. After that day with Ryan and I in the park, things were looking good between him and I and I was looking forward to more times like that but on the other hand I was having feelings for my best friend and neither guy knew about it.  

I guess my friends are wrong. I would never be able to tell Nick how I feel.

Chapter 19 Don’t Do This Kalie

It was finally New Years. I hadn’t seen Nick since Christmas dinner before he left to spend the night with Paris. I held Christmas at my house that year and it was packed. I had my parents, my friends and their families, my dance team, Ryan, Nick and his siblings, Mama Carter, and of course Paris. I really didn’t want to have her there but I had no choice.

But now my friends and I were going over to a house Paris was renting to bring in the New Year.

I have to admit that we were all having a great time. Paris wasn’t that bad. But still, my friends and I agreed that it sounded like nails scratching down a chalkboard whenever she talked. Even Nick’s siblings said her voice annoyed them. His sisters also agreed with me that they were taking their relationship a little too fast.

“The countdown is on!” Aaron yelled. We grouped to the tv and counted down to the New Year as the ball dropped.

“5, 4, 3, 2, 1! HAPPY NEW YEAR!” everyone exclaimed then, following tradition, partnered up and kissed. Everyone had someone to kiss, everyone that is except me. Ryan decided to go to his sister’s party because he knew he wouldn’t be welcomed around my friends which I didn’t understand because he had a good time with everyone at Christmas.

My heart was a glass figure that someone just knocked from its display case and left the broken pieces scattered all over the floor. I could feel tears swelling up in my eyes as I watched Nick and Paris kiss passionately. I tried to look away but I couldn’t.

Finally I was able to pry my eyes away from that disgusting scene when someone surprised me with a kiss on the cheek.      

“Happy New Year Kalie. I love you,” someone said shyly and sweetly to me.

I turned around and found Aaron grinning at me. “Oh thank you Aaron! I love you to bud and Happy New Year!”

“Thanks Kayl.”

“That was really sweet of you to give me a New Year’s kiss,” I kissed his cheek to return the favor. He blushed and shrugged his shoulders.

“Don’t mention it. You’re like an older sister to me and I felt bad that you didn’t have anyone to kiss tonight. And since I don’t have anyone to kiss I said, ‘What the heck. A peck on the cheek won’t hurt the both of us’.”

I giggled and hugged him, “You’re a good little brother Aaron.”

“Hey…” he hugged me back, “I try.”

Lucky me, I stayed the night instead of driving home by myself. I bunked with Leslie, Angel and BJ in the room next to Nick and Paris’s. It’s a really good thing BJ, Leslie, and Angel all consider me to be an older sister because we were squished into one bed. The couch was available but nobody wanted to sleep on it. Besides we were use to sharing a bed; whenever I would sleep over Nick’s house I always shared a bed with one of his sisters, it was like old times again.

We had talked for a while and were drifting off to sleep when we started hearing noises from Paris’s room.

“They are friggin disgusting!” Angel covered her face with her hands.

“I can’t believe they have the nerve to actually do this while we are here,” Leslie shook her head.

“I can’t believe how rushed this relationship is,” I said rolling my eyes at the noises.

“Oh Nick always does this,” BJ commented.

“Since when?!” Angel and Leslie exclaimed at the same time.

“He’s done this with the last two girlfriends he’s had. Where have you two been?”

“He’s told you?” questioned Leslie.

BJ shook her head, “No I figured it out.”

“I thought Nick was going to be different,” sighed Angel.

“Me too. I never thought he would become the “rock star” type,” I said forlornly.

“He’s a guy. What do you expect?” BJ answered.

“Yeah… I guess you’re right,” I rolled over on my side, “Happy New Year sisters! Sweet dreams.”

They all answered, “Sweet dreams Kay.”     

January went by quickly. Before both Nick and I knew it, it was the 28th.

I worked with Paris and coordinated a surprise party at my house. Everybody was there; friends from high school Nick hadn’t seen in a long while, his band mates, his siblings, and his family. My house was so packed that it was hard to move around. It was like Christmas again. I knew my house was small but I never knew how small it was until all those people squeezed into it.

“Nick’s coming! Everybody quiet,” the doorbell rang and I picked my way to the door. “Once you see him just scream surprise.”

I opened the door and Nick stepped through, “Hey Kayl. I’ve missed…”

“SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY NICK!” everyone yelled.

Nick’s eyes became wide with surprise then he smiled. “Damn guys! I didn’t expect a thing! You didn’t have to do this for me.”

“Yes we did Nick. It’s your birthday,” I replied as I hugged him.

“Awe thanks Kay. Did you put all of this together yourself?”

“No,” Paris pushed her way in between us. “I helped too.”

“Well then thank you too sweetie,” they kissed and I rolled my eyes.

Paris only came up with the idea and agreed that it should be held at my house. The only thing she was in charge of was making sure that they came on time. I was in charge of buying food, sending out the invitations, cleaning my house, setting up the party, even baking the cake. Paris had no real part in this party but still she was taking credit for what I did.

I lived through the party thanks to my girls and the Carter siblings. We were making fun of how Paris was all over Nick during the whole party. She was hanging all over him even in front of his parents. Could she have shown some common curtsy?

“Kylee,” Paris walked up to me.

“You pronounced my name wrong Paris. It’s Kalie not Kylee.”

“Oh what ever, where’s the cake? I think it’s time to serve it now.”

“It’s in the boot room.”

“Well could you go get it?”

“You asked where it was.”

“Do you have to be so difficult?”

I raised my arm ready to slap her. Crystal grabbed my hand, “Come on Kay. Let’s go get the cake.” She pulled me into the boot room. Michelle followed.

“Kayl take a deep breath,” Michelle instructed.

“Oh I just want to leave a nice five star on her face! She is such the stuck up, snobby, bitch!” I said through gritted teeth.

“No Kalie you don’t want to do something you’re going to regret,” Crystal warned.

“Yeah Kay,” Michelle spoke up. “You don’t want Nick to be mad at you now do ya?”

“No. But still I can’t stand that bitch! I want to show her that I’m sick of her!”

“Let me do it then!” Michelle said excitedly. “That way you won’t get in trouble and I’ll say the message was from you!” That’s Michelle for ya. She knew how to make me laugh. She was half serious and half kidding but she and Crystal knew how much I disliked Paris and they knew I was serious about leaving a good ole five star on her face covered with expensive make up.

I grabbed the cake and headed toward Nick who was talking to Chris and Daniel.

“Here let me take it to him. You start the singing,” Paris ripped the cake out of my hands and looked at me again. “Well what are you waiting for?”

My hand turned into a fist but Crystal stopped me again, “Come on Kayl let’s just harmonize and sing Happy Birthday to our best friend and then let’s put on a smile. Mich start us off.”

Michelle started the harmonizing and Crystal and I joined in on our correct notes. We started singing Happy Birthday and Paris sauntered over to Nick with the cake. Everyone else joined in and at the end of the song Paris handed Nick the cake and said seductively to him, “Make a wish birthday boy.”

Nick grinned a naughty little smile, “I think you know what I’m going to wish for.” He blew out the candles.

I walked up to them and held my hands out, “Hand it over. I’ll cut the cake.”

“Thanks Kylee,” Paris said mockingly.

“Paris honey, her name is Kalie,” Nick noticed the look on my face as I took the cake.

“Oh she doesn’t mind me calling her that. Right Kylee?”

“Oh not at all Pearis,” I said on purpose. She rolled her eyes at me. I wanted to shove the cake in her face.

After I cut up the cake I grabbed two pieces and headed back toward Nick. Paris was sitting in his lap and they were making out.

Lovely thing to do in front of all these people, including your family and the girl whose heart is breaking because of you and mostly her. I thought to myself. I cleared my throat and they stopped. Paris looked up at me annoyed.

“What?” she answered crossly. “Couldn’t you see we were busy?”

“Sorry that I interrupted you guys to give Nick the first piece of cake,” I gave an attitude right back to her.

“Thanks Kalie.”

“You’re welcome. Paris here’s your piece.”

“Oh I don’t want it. I only eat cakes from bakeries. I never eat home baked things. They always taste funny.”

I could feel the steam escaping from my ears. I glanced at the piece of cake in my hands then back at Paris who was feeding Nick his piece of cake like he was a baby. He just turned 22 he could feed himself.

My girls were helping me pass out the other pieces of cake and Crystal walked passed me and whispered so only I could hear, “Calm down. Don’t do something you’re going to regret.”

I answered quickly so only she could hear, “Be assured I won’t regret it.”

Chris saw the angry look on my face and spoke up as he realized where I was going to put the cake, “I’ll take that piece of cake Kalie thanks.” He carefully took it from my hands and took a bite of it. “Kayl this is amazing!”

“Thanks Chris.”

“Kay I am in heaven right now!” Nick exclaimed. “My two favorite girls threw together this awesome party for me, my best friend baked my favorite cake, and my best girl fed it to me. This is the greatest birthday I’ve ever had!”

“I’m glad I made it so special honey,” Paris crashed her lips against Nick’s and I walked back into the kitchen with my girls.

“I’m glad I made it so special honey. Let me just throw my tongue down your throat in front of all these people, especially Kylee and make it even more special,” I mocked Paris as Michelle cut me a piece of cake and handed it to me. “She makes me so sick!”

“She makes all of us sick,” answered Crystal with her mouth full.

“Getting off the Paris subject,” Michelle interjected. “This is an awesome cake Kay.”

“Thanks. It’s one of my grandma’s recipes and Nick’s favorite.”

“I thought I was the baker girl!” Crystal laughed.

“It looks like you have competition here Miss Crys!” Michelle laughed.

“No she doesn’t. She still makes the best cookies, and brownies and cannolis.”

“You do have a point there,” Michelle agreed.

After the cake was finished most of the guests left. It was just me and my girls and Dan and Chris cleaning up the living room as Nick and Paris “talked” in the kitchen. I was lucky my friends helped clean up because it would have taken me forever. We got the house cleaned up then I said my good nights to my friends.

They said good night to Nick and Paris, afterward Nick came to talk to me.

“Kalie can I ask you a big favor?”

“What is it Nick?”

“Paris and I both are not up to driving back home so I was wondering…”

“If I could drive you guys?”

“No. I don’t want you to drive us home then drive back by yourself at this time of night. I was wondering if we could stay the night.”

“NO! I don’t want her here! You can stay but not her!” I was about to scream out but I restrained myself, “Sure you can stay. The guest room is yours.”

“Thanks hun,” he grabbed me into a hug. “And thank you so much for that party. And baking that cake for me. You are the best friend a guy like me could ever ask for and I’m so thankful that you are my best friend. I love you.”

“I love you too.” I leaked out a lie, “It was actually pretty fun planning the party… and I found out that baking that cake was fun too.” The cake part wasn’t a lie.

“Thanks again babe. Good night. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Ok Nick. Good Night and happy birthday.” Nick showed Paris into the guest room and I headed to my room next to it.

“I can’t believe they are doing it here in my house. She really is a slut,” I said aloud to myself as I tried to fall asleep that night. It was impossible because the noises coming from the guest room penetrated the walls and boomed into my ears. I buried my head under my pillow but the noises just got louder and more disgusting.

“Oh Nick!” Paris gasped.

“Sshh, Kalie is in the room next to us. We have to be quiet,” Nick informed her.

“I don’t care! I can’t be quiet with you!”

This is just great. I rubbed my throbbing forehead. Can my life get anymore fucked up?

Right then and there I just wanted my life to end as the noises continued. I threw back my blankets and headed for the kitchen. I snuck past their room but I stopped when I heard Nick say, “I love you baby.”

Paris replied hurriedly, “I love you too now keep going.”

My eyes dropped depressingly to the floor as I continued my journey into the kitchen. I felt like I was a zombie as I was half asleep. I opened the drawer and pulled out a knife. My hands and knees started to shake so I pulled out a chair and sat down at the table. I held the knife in my right hand and I flipped my left hand over so I could stare at my wrist. My eyes darted from my wrist to the other hand holding the knife. It was shaking violently.

Should I really do this? I don’t think my heart will ever mend. It hurts so much!

I slowly raised the knife. It felt like it weighed a ton. It hovered over my wrist then I felt something rest on my shoulder. I jumped but the knife and my wrist stayed in place.

I looked over my shoulder and found Mark staring down at me. He stared into my eyes. He was at the party too and was sleeping over because we had to practice for an upcoming competition the next morning.   

“Don’t do this Kalie,” he said calmly. He didn’t even have to ask why I was about to slit my wrist, he was the only guy I told about my mixed feelings. I didn’t even tell my brothers or Chris and Dan. Mark wrapped his arms around my shoulders and whispered into my ear, “You are stronger than this! You have a family that loves you, your friends love you, I love you Kalie and you have so much to live for. Everything would fall part if you take your life. And it may not seem like Nick cares right now but he does. He would be distraught without you babe. A lot of us would be devastated without you. Please don’t do this.”

I dropped the knife and started to shake violently as tears leaked from my eyes. Mark quickly embraced me.

“It’s ok Kayl. I’m here for you. I’ll always be there for you because I love you and you’re my best friend.”

“Thank you Mark. I love you too and I’m really lucky to have you as a best friend.”

“Come on you need to get some sleep so we can practice tomorrow.” I was still shaking so violently that I couldn’t move. Mark picked me up and carried me up to my room.

He placed me gently in my bed and actually tucked me in.

“Please try to get some sleep. I’m going to sleep in here tonight in the window bed so you won’t get any ideas.”

“You don’t have to Mark.”

“Yes I do. Let me grab the blankets from the bed down stairs and I’ll be right back. And I’ll be mad at you if you’re not here when I get back.”

He flashed a smile at me and I laughed.

“I’ll be here,” I grinned back.

“Good!” Mark walked out the door and returned quickly with the blankets.

He set up his bed and said to me, “Good night. And remember you’re my best friend.”

“And you’re my best friend Mark. Good night.”

Chapter 20 Does That Sound Familiar?

The annoying buzz of my alarm clock woke Mark and me up. Well it scared the shit of Mark because he wasn’t expecting it to be so loud.

“Morning,” I said.

“Mornin’ Kay. What’s for breakfast I’m hungry.”

I chuckled, “You just woke up. How could you be hungry already?”

“I’m always hungry when I wake up. Come on lets go eat.”

He jumped off the window bed and ran down the stairs. I laughed and followed him a little more slowly.

Mark helped himself to a huge bowl of cereal as I smeared cream cheese on a bagel with the knife I didn’t use the night prior. Mark carefully watched me handle the knife and I reassured him, “Chill. It’s just a knife. It’s going in the dishwasher after I spread the cream cheese.”

He nodded his head and continued eating.    

Nick and Paris walked into the kitchen. Nick’s hair was a mess and so was Paris’s. They were holding each other’s hands and they wore these ridiculous smiles on their faces.

“Morning,” I mumbled as I sipped my milk.

“Good morning Kalie,” Nick replied cheerfully.

“What are you still doing here? I thought you two would be gone by now,” Paris asked like the snob she is.

“We just got finished with breakfast,” I spoke up. 

“Oh excuse me little Miss Snappy,” she scoffed.  “What’s for breakfast?”

How about a nice knuckle sandwich for breakfast? I screamed in my head. “I don’t know,” I said out loud. “You guys will have to fend for yourself because Mark and I have to get going soon.”

“Do you have the fixings to make French toast?” Nick asked.

“Yeah just look through the cabinets. You know where everything is,” I replied.

I ran up to my room and changed into my work out clothes.

“You’re going to wear that?” Paris wrinkled her nose at my outfit when I stepped back into the kitchen. It was my usual yoga pants and a short sleeved shirt. I didn’t find anything wrong with them and they matched.

“Yeah what’s wrong with my outfit? I teach kids how to ballroom dance. I need to wear flexible clothes. See,” I pointed to a picture of Mark and I performing together. He was just about to help me up from a full split.

“Oh,” she huffed. “I don’t know why you would teach something like that to little kids. It’s just teaching them to be little sluts.”

“What?!” I spat at her, “You have got to be kidding me! I’m not teaching my students how to be sluts! I’m teaching them to have confidence in themselves! And I couldn’t teach them how to be sluts but I’m sure you can!”

“Kalie,” Nick said applauded, “I can’t believe you just said that!”

“I demand an apology!” her hands went to her hips and she looked down at me like I was some inferior being.

“I’m sorry it’s the truth,” I said seriously. I rolled my eyes and grabbed my keys. “Let’s go Mark.  I don’t want to be late.” I stormed out of the kitchen door and Mark followed without a word.

“Kalie what has gotten into you?” Nick followed me out to the drive way.

I ignored him and opened the door so Mark could jump in the passenger seat.

“Kalie, please answer me.”

“She has gotten on my verves for the last time! I am sick and tired of her!”

“Why?”

“Why?! Because there is just something about her that I can’t stand that’s why! I want her out of my house Nick. When I get back home I don’t care if you are here but I don’t want to see her here. Got that Nick?”

“Got it,” he whispered.

I didn’t reply; I just angrily jumped into my car and started the engine.

“We need to talk about this Kayl.”

No words escaped my mouth as I drove away. 

After a few hours of practicing with Mark we went back to the house and hung out for a little bit in the pool.

Nick had left a note saying to call him so he could talk to me. So after Mark left I dialed Nick’s number.

He came over so we could talk face to face.  

“So Kay, I wanna know why you hate my girlfriend.”

She took you away from me! That’s why I hate her. I had to shake that thought from my head so I wouldn’t tell him the wrong thing.

“I think you guys are moving way too fast. And don’t get mad at me but I think this relationship is only about the sex.”

“What? No it’s not. We haven’t had sex yet.”

“Don’t give me that bull shit. Your sisters and I heard you two on New Years and the damn noises kept me up last night too. You’re a guy and she’s the perfect woman and I expected it to happen but I thought you of all people would have the decency and courtesy to restrain yourself when you had company over and when you are staying at someone else’s house! Especially when that person who owns the house is in the room next to you! My walls aren’t made out of steel you know!”

“That’s why you hate her?”

“There’s more to it than just that Nick! She treats me like I’m trash! She makes me feel like I’m not good enough to be your best friend and she is such the fucking snob towards me! Can’t you see it Nick?”

“I never noticed it.”

“Of course you didn’t! Your mind is fucking clouded by her beauty and the sex you have! Since when were you like that?!”

“My mind isn’t clouded by her beauty or the sex. It’s clouded by how much I love her.”

“WHAT?! You have got to be kidding me!”

“I’m not kidding you Kay. Look,” he showed me his wrist.

“Why is there a tattoo of her name on your wrist and when in hells name did you get it?”

“I got it today. She got my name on her ankle. We got them because we love each other.”

“No good is going to come from this. I’m warning you Nick, no good. What do you see in her?”

“Kalie,” he shook his head at me, “Can’t you see that I’m in love with her and she makes me happy? Does that sound familiar? Now you know how I feel about Ryan.”

I threw up my hands in annoyance and frustration, “Whatever you say Nick. Don’t come crawling back to me when she breaks your heart. And if you do prepare to hear my voice say, ‘I told you so’.”

He dropped his head then looked back up at me, “What has gotten into you lately? You’re not my best friend who I have known since the diaper years.”

“It’s funny you’re asking that question because I was just about to ask you the same thing.”

Nick got up from his chair and left without a word.

“Bye to you too Nick,” I thought out loud.

Nick and I didn’t talk for a few weeks. And as I predicted the relationship between Nick and Paris was quickly sliding down hill. I was starting to think that Nick and I were never going to talk again; until he called me one afternoon.

“Hi Kayl.”

“Hey Nick.”

“Listen I called to say that I’m sorry. And that you were right. Paris and I are very close to breaking up and to be completely honest, I won’t be too upset if it happens soon. So go ahead and say it. You were right. She didn’t love me. She only loved the fact that I was another celebrity and that I had money she could spend. So go ahead and say I told you so.”

“Why should I add insult to injury?”

He chuckled, “Kayl you’re the best! And I missed you so much. I really did. It was killing me not talking to you for those past weeks. Do you forgive me?”

“Do you forgive me?”

“Of course I do.”

“Then I forgive you too.”

“You don’t know how happy you just made me. I got my best friend back!”

I laughed, “And I’ve got my best friend back. Want to go to lunch with me tomorrow? Just the two of us?”

“Sure. I’d love to.”

“Great!”

“I have to go. I’m recording another song and I’m almost finished with it but I had to make things right with you before I did.”

“Alright babe. I’ll let you go and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See ya Kay. I love you my best friend.”

“I love you too.” I closed my phone and let out a big sigh of relief. Nick and I were friends again so that was one thing checked off my list to worry about.

The next day I checked another thing off my list; Nick called me up and told me he broke up with Paris.

His exact words were, “I broke up with her about an hour ago. Let’s go out to lunch and celebrate. I’m a free man now! Ha ha!”

I laughed at how excited he was and I realized that maybe now I could finally tell him how I really feel.

We met at my house then I drove him to the restaurant we chose to eat at to celebrate his new found freedom. His eyes had this happy little shine in them and I knew he was overly happy. His happiness made me happy and gave me the feeling that things were going to go well.

As we waited for our food to be served Nick pulled out a folded piece of paper from his pocket and handed it to me.

“What’s this?

“Open it up and see.”

I carefully unfolded the paper and looked at the skull and cross bones on the paper.

“Did you draw this?”

“Yup. Like what it says on the scrolls under the skull?”

The scrolls read, “Old habits die hard.”

“Nick this would be an awesome tattoo.”

“I’m glad you think that because that’s what I’m planning on making it.”

“What do you mean?”

“I drew this while I was talking on the phone with you yesterday. It was kind of my final push to break up with her. I want to cover up this,” he showed me his wrist which had Paris’s name tattooed on it, “with this one I drew.”

“Why not just get that one removed?” I pointed at his ex’s name.

He shrugged, “I’ve heard it hurts more than getting a tattoo and besides this one has more meaning.”

“Oh… what is that meaning?”

He looked down at his wrist then at his sketch, “It represents what she changed me into and what I don’t want to be again. I don’t want to get her name removed so I can remember why I got the skull and cross bones in the first place. You probably don’t know this Kay but, she put me through a lot of pain in the end and the tattoo would also represent that.”

“Good reasons.”

“Thanks,” he smirked. “I was thinking…”

“Oh boy here we go. You thinking? I smell trouble,” I joked.

“Very funny. I was actually hoping that you would like to come with me while I get the new tat.”

“Really? Why do you want me there?”

“Well,” he stopped and thought about what he was going to say, “You helped me realize what a mistake I was making. I want you there because you helped me out a lot and… you’re special to me Kay.” He grinned shyly.

That little smile made the butterflies flutter around in my stomach, “Awe! Nick! You’re so cute! Sure I’ll go with you! When do you wanna get it done?”

“As soon as possible. I was thinking if we could go after lunch if you don’t mind.”

“I have nothing to do today.”

“Ok then we’ll go after lunch.”

“Sounds like a plan to me.”

Chapter 21 The Call That Changed My Destiny

On the way to the tattoo parlor, I popped BSB’s Chapter Hits into the cd player and Nick and I sang at the top of our lungs. The car ride was so much fun and we both agreed that we should just go driving sometime and sing again.

I watched intently as Nick got his tattoo.

“So Kayl,” Nick said. “When did you get that tat on the small of your back?”

“I didn’t tell you about that?”

“No. When’d you get it?”

“After graduation. I thought everyone knew I got my tat.”

“I guess everyone doesn’t include me.”

We laughed and his sky blue eyes stared into my brown ones. I smiled childishly back at him and when I did he took my hand and squeezed it. I squeezed his hand back. There was something about the way he looked at me. The only thing I could think was, Does he know? Did he finally figure me out? Is this he’s way of saying he likes me back?

“Ok, your tat is finished,” the tattoo artist said breaking the silence between Nick and I. Yes the silence was strange but, I kind of liked gazing into his eyes. Ok I’ll admit I loved looking into his eyes.

Nick looked at his tattoo and thanked the artist. He did a really good job and Nick was really pleased with the piece of art on his wrist. I liked it a lot too. Nick paid the artist and we drove back to my house.

“So what do you want to do now?” I asked when we got into my house.

“How about we find something on tv to watch and just chill?”

“Sounds good to me. Go find something you want to watch and I’ll fix the snacks. Just make yourself comfortable on the couch.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice,” he playfully pinched my side and I giggled. He walked away from me but I turned and lightly smacked his back.

“How dare you pinch me! That tickled!” I said playfully.

“I did no such thing. You’re imagining things silly girl! Go get the snacks like you said you were going to,” he said kiddingly as he pointed toward the kitchen.

“Oh I’ll get you a snack alright,” I said sarcastically back at him. He stuck out his tongue at me and I returned the gesture.

I placed the chips and dips on the coffee table then I went back into the kitchen to get the drinks. I handed Nick his then headed for my bedroom.

“I’ll be right back.”

“Where are you going?” Nick asked after he took a sip of his root beer.

“I’m going to change into my pjs.”

“Oh by the way speaking of pjs, can I stay over tonight?”

“Yeah, you can stay over as long as you want to.”

“Thanks Kay.”

“Don’t mention it. What is your best friend for huh?”

I quickly changed into my black booty shorts and the purple belly shirt that I used for pjs. I looked into my mirror and took my hair out of the French braid it was in. I ran the brush through it and decided to leave it down. I was having a good hair day and it actually stayed flat when I left it down. It was a miracle.

I came back into the living room and Nick whistled, “Well look at you in a belly shirt, booty shorts and your hair down. Who are you and what did you do to Kalie Marie Smith?”

“Oh shush.”

“Since when do you wear those clothes? And since when do you let your hair down? I think this is the third time I’ve seen you with your hair down besides the I Got You video.”

“It’s called I’m in my own home and I want to be comfortable.”

“Oh I’m not saying there is anything wrong with it. It looks really good down.”

“Thank you.”

“You should let it down more often.”

“That’s if it will stay like this more often.” He chuckled and I sat down on the opposite side of the couch as him. I curled my feet up close to my body. After I got comfortable Nick looked at me and the space between us.

He was quiet but the way his eyes darted from the empty space then back up to me made me somewhat uncomfortable but at the same time the look on his face was funny.

“What’s wrong?” I giggled out.

“What am I some type of deadly disease that you don’t want to get close to? You can get closer to me I don’t bite you know. Why did you sit so far away from me?” he said in a cute, pouty voice.

“This is my usual spot. It’s habitual for me to sit here.”

Nick pouted, “Could you sit closer though? So I won’t feel like you’re avoiding me.”

“Awe Nick. Ok, I’ll move.” I got up and repositioned myself closer to Nick. He put his arm around my shoulder and I rested my head on the back of the couch next to Nick’s head.

“You can put your head on my shoulder if it would be more comfortable for you,” he suggested.

“You sure?”

“Go ahead babe. I don’t mind.”

I moved my head and lightly rested it on his shoulder. I breathed in his cologne. Man did it smell good! He let his cheek rest on my forehead.

“Yum, your hair smells really good!” He buried his noise into my hair.

“Thanks. It’s a new shampoo I’m using.”

“Damn! I can get high off of this shit! It smells so good!” I gently laughed as his hand came to the side of my face and pushed his noise further onto my head. I felt him lightly kiss the top of my head and I thought my stomach was going to tie itself in knots from flipping over so many times. Nick’s opposite hand went around my waist and my hand instinctively went to Nick’s opposite shoulder and stayed there. We stayed like that for a long moment until we heard the front door open.

I didn’t expect Ryan to come home that day but he did. He almost saw Nick and I on the couch but Nick quickly sat up straight when he heard Ryan’s heavy footsteps. It was a good thing Ryan didn’t catch Nick and me because he was already in a bad mood when he walked in. Who knows what he could have said if he saw the way we were.

A few weeks went by and Nick dove heavily into working on his cd and I was starting to see less and less of him unfortunately. I also thought that I wasn’t going to see Ryan ever again because he was needed more and more at the academy and I was needed at the dance studio. The competition was coming up around the corner and I was starting to stress over it.

All my stress escaped me the day of the competition. But my mind became clouded and the only one who noticed was Mark.

It was about two hours until Mark and I had to hit the dance floor when he asked me, “What’s the matter? You seem distant.”

“Well,” I breathed out, “Ryan is cheating on me again.”

“How do you know?”

“I found a note with this number, it’s just another clue that leads to him cheating,” I answered.

“What are you going to do about him?”

“I don’t know yet. I also don’t know if he is actually cheating on me. I’m thinking about what I’m going to do.”

“Will you be ok to dance tonight?”

I looked at Mark eye to eye and confided, “I need to get him off my mind and right now I think this dance is going to be the only thing that could work.”

“Are you sure you’re ok to dance?”

“Yes I’m sure. Like I said I need to dance to get him off my mind.”

“Ok. So which good luck charms should I be looking for in the crowd?”

“Well Mich, Chris, Dan, and Tally said they were all coming, Nick and my family promised they would be there, Ryan said he was going to be there but supposedly he has to do something for the academy but I have a feeling he’s with another girl.”

I let Ryan slip my mind and I didn’t notice until after the competition that he wasn’t there. I just tried to dance my hardest and it paid off in the end because Mark and I won.

Our good luck charms rushed the dance floor when we were handed our trophies and as I counted the faces I realized that Ryan didn’t stay true to his word. I didn’t let it get to me because my friends took Mark and I out to celebrate our victory.

We went to one of the local clubs because our favorite DJ was there that night. He kept the party moving and I danced with Nick for most of the night until he had to go work on his cd. I was hoping the cd would be finished soon because Nick was working heavily on it and I wasn’t spending as much time as I wanted with him.

But that night, after Nick left, everything changed; almost everything that is.

Once Nick left, a tall muscular guy with blonde hair and blue eyes that looked like Nick started to dance with me. I didn’t know his name but I knew he had to be friends with Mark because they were having a long conversation and laughing about something earlier on.

But, let me tell you the story about the call that changed my destiny. Me and my friends went out just to end up in misery, for the first few days. I was about to go home from the club when there he was standing in front of me and said, “Hi. You were dancing with me earlier. I’m Mark’s friend Jasper. I noticed you’re leaving kind of early when the party has just begun.  Before you leave I have to say that I would like to get to know you better. I got a little place nearby. Wanna go?”

Oh I should’ve said, “No. Someone’s waiting for me.” But I said instead, “Sure. I’ll check it out. Let me tell my friends and make a quick call. I’ll be right back.”

“OK. I’ll be waiting at the front door. Take your time.” He flashed a cute and somewhat mysterious smile at me. I smirked back then walked toward my friends.

“I’m leaving now so I’m going to say good night.”

“You’re going home?” Crystal asked.

“This early? The party just started Kay,” Michelle asked.

“Yeah but I’m not going home.”

“Then where are you going?” Chris asked.

“I’m actually going over to Jasper’s place,” I answered calmly.

“You’re what?!” Mark almost screamed.

“I’m going to Jasper’s place,” I said matter-of-factly.

 “Are you sure you want to do this?” Dan asked.

“Yeah.”

“You don’t even know this guy Kayl. You only danced with him earlier. Are you sure this is a good idea?!” Chris said raising his voice a little.

“Chris,” I placed a hand on his shoulder, “Calm down. You’re starting to sound like Nick. When did you become his surrogate when he’s not here? Relax what’s the worst that can happen? We’re only going to talk.”

“What about Ryan?” Michelle asked.

I shrugged my shoulders, “He’s done it to me before. I figured I’ll let him have a taste of his own medicine.”

My friends stared at me in disbelieve. I think it was the first time I have seen them all speechless.

“I gotta go call Ryan and tell him we’re going out somewhere.” A shot of adrenaline rushed through my body as I dialed his number.

“Hello?”

“Hi it’s me. What’s up baby?”

“Kalie? Is that you? All I can hear is loud music and static.”

My friends were right. The party was really starting now and the music was getting louder and louder with every song that was played. Plus the reception in that club sucked.

“I’m sorry. Listen I’m gunna be late so don’t stay up and wait for me ok?”

“Where are you? Kay… I… want… you… home…” his words were mixed with static.

“Wait… wait say that again?” I held my hand over my open ear and listened for Ryan’s voice.

“Hello?” his voice had a hint of annoyance in it.

“You’re really dropping out. I think my battery must be low. Listen if you can hear me we’re going to a place nearby, alright? Gotta go,” my cell phone died before he could answer.

I shoved it in my pocket and looked for Jasper. He was waiting for me by the front door and smiled at me when I tapped his shoulder and said, “Alright. I’m ready to go now.”

It’s true. I spent the night with Jasper and it felt wrong but good at the same time. I guess I wanted to know how Ryan felt and the sensation I got felt weird but I kind of liked it.

Ryan found out about what I did the morning after when Jasper dropped me off. I didn’t know Ryan was watching when Jasper gave me a good bye kiss that turned out to be a make out session. I guess we should have done that inside the house instead of on the front steps. Oops.

Ryan confronted me about Jasper and I tried my hardest to lie about him but my boyfriend didn’t buy my story. So he packed his things and dumped me. It hurt a lot watching him walk out the door while he called someone named Jackie but I soon forgot about him when Jasper asked me out about two weeks later.

So a one night stand turned into a relationship, a very sexual relationship.     

Chapter 22 The Words Just Fell Out Of My Mouth

Now or Never was released on October 28, 2002 and Nick went on tour a few months after that. That tour made me feel lonelier than ever because Nick asked Michelle to play the keyboard, Chris to play the drums, Dan to be on the electric guitar and Crystal to play the bass. All of my best friends went on tour leaving me behind. Nick offered me a spot as a backup singer but I turned it down. I could have gone knowing that the tour wasn’t as long as the others he had been on but still I had bills to pay and I didn’t want to miss much of work.

So I spent most of my time at the dance studio and I hung out a lot with my dancing friends. Mark introduced me to some of his friends from high school which was nice and they let me join their group. I was still dating Jasper but it wasn’t technically a relationship. Unless you think that a relationship containing a lot of lust is a good one. Jasper was the best lover I had even though there wasn’t exactly love between us.

One day I hung out at Mark’s house and he told me some information that I pretty much figured out on my own. He just confirmed it.

“I have to tell you something about Jasper Kayl.”

“What is it?”

“He and I have been friends since I started ball room dancing, before I found our studio. He is a really good friend but not the greatest boyfriend. I should have told you this the night we went to the club but he’s known for sleeping around with a girl then when he gets tired of her he’ll either dump her or just leave the morning after and never come back. I can’t count how many times he has done this. He can be trusted as a friend but not as a boyfriend. He also tricks girls into thinking he loves them and then he breaks their heart. Kay, do you love him?”

“No,” I answered without missing a beat. “I don’t. And I kind of figured that out a few days ago. To be honest our relationship is really just sex.”

“Then why are you sticking around with him? It doesn’t sound like you to do something like this.”

“I’m just lonely I guess. I mean I don’t have Ryan, all my best friends are touring. But also I’m not really looking for a true relationship right now. I mean I’m starting to give up on finding that special one because I thought it was Ryan.”

“What do you mean by that special one?”

“The special one as in the one I’m going to marry.”

“You’ll find him Kay. You’re going to have to look for him but knowing you, you’ll find him. I know you thought it was going to be Ryan but people change. And in my opinion Jasper is the quickest one to change. You never know with him; one day you could have a night where he feels the sex wasn’t good enough and the next morning he’ll vanish without a trace. He has gone through so many phone number changes it’s not funny.”

“But like I said I’m not looking for love anymore. Just a good time.”

“What if you become pregnant? Do you know how hard it is to be a single parent? I also don’t want to see you get really hurt because you did something stupid like this. I’m just trying to watch out for ya sweetie.”

 “I know you are. I’m just giving up slowly on my search for love.”

“I hate when a girl says that. Don’t give up! You almost gave up before remember? But you got through it. What about Nick?”

“What about him?”

“Is he seeing anybody?”

“I don’t think so. We haven’t gotten the chance to talk to each other since he’s been away.”

“Do you still have feelings for him?”

“Well… the only reason why I left with Jasper that night was because he looked like Nick. Stupid reason I know.”

“So you wanted a guy that looked like Nick so you could possibly trick yourself into thinking that you were with Nick?”

I nodded my head, “You hit the nail on the head. Shortly after I found out he’s not at all like Nick.”

“Obviously not. Nick’s not a player, from what I know about him anyway. I don’t know him like you do but I doubt he is. Why don’t you just tell Nick you have feelings for him?”

“I’m afraid something is going to happen between us and our friendship would be ruined. I’d rather have Nick stay my best friend if anything goes wrong.”

“I highly doubt that something would go wrong between the two of you. You need to tell him how you’re feeling. I bet that you’ll be the happiest person alive when you tell him because I have a strong feeling he likes you back and things would go further between the two of you. Just try it Kay. I want you to be happy babe.”

I bought myself tickets to the last Now or Never show in Florida which was right outside my home town. Nick wanted to pay for them but I beat him too it. Besides it was my engagement present to Trisha because Kasey finally proposed to her in the beginning of 2002. I didn’t know what else to get her to welcome her into the family but I remembered how excited she was when Now or Never come out. She begged her fiancé for tickets but I beat my brother by surprising Trisha with the tickets.

Ever since Trish started dating my twin she and I became best friends. She was even a BSB fan and was just excited as I was when Nick released his solo CD. We were also equally excited for the concert.

There was good reason to be excited for the concert too because it was awesome! Nick was having the time of his life singing his personal songs that he worked so hard on. The rest of our best friends were enjoying themselves too. Michelle was dancing behind the keyboard; Chris was rocking out on the drums; Crystal was keeping it cool with her bass and Dan was jamming on the electric guitar. They all looked and sounded so professional and were having a really good time. I wished I could play an instrument like that. I really wanted to be on stage with them. I was feeling left out in a way. But then again I was having a blast singing and dancing with Trish.

After the show we caught up with Nick and his band before they climbed into the tour bus. We hung out with them for a while until the driver started the engine.

“Well guys Trish and I better hit the road.”

“Before you leave we have to tell you something,” Chris said.

“What is it?” Trish asked.

“That show was our second to last,” Michelle replied.

“We have one more show and then we’re coming home on Monday!” Crystal exclaimed.

“Finally! I’ve missed all of you so much! I was feeling lonely without my besties,” I commented.

“Well you won’t be lonely for long Kayl,” Nick said as he hugged me. “Have a safe trip home girlies.”

I said my see- you- laters to my friends and as I hugged Dan he whispered in my ear, “By the way, Tally and I are a couple now.”

I looked at him and then glanced at Crystal. She nodded her head and I exclaimed, “Oh my god! It took you two long enough! Tell me details when you come home. We’ll all have a welcome home dinner at my house.”

Crystal grabbed Dan’s hand and smiled at me, “Sounds good Kay. We’ll see you Monday.”

That night when Trish and I got home, Kasey and Jasper, unexpectedly, were waiting up for us.

“Hey baby!” Jasper jumped off of the couch and engulfed me in an excited hug. “How was the concert?”

I was shocked because Jasper never acted like that toward me. I mean he would hug and kiss me but he was never that excited to see me.

“It was awesome,” I finally answered. “You guys didn’t have to wait up for us.”

Kasey casually walked over to Trish with a huge smile on his face. He had been smiling ever since she said yes. He kissed her and held her while he answered, “Yeah we kind of did. We wanted to wait up for our girls like gentlemen and we wanted to hear about the concert.”

“We could’ve told you in the morning. It’s so late honey,” Trish said.

“What’s wrong with me wanting to wait up for my bride to be?” Kasey asked and kissed her cheek.

“Awe baby! There’s nothing wrong with it. Let’s go to bed. I’m so tired. Good night Kayl. Thank you so much for taking me tonight.”

“Oh it’s no problem sis. It was just my way of saying welcome to the family.”

Trish and Kasey walked up stairs hand in hand and Jasper started kissing my neck lightly.

“So why were you so excited to see me tonight? You’re never like this.” Jasper and I were very open with each other. I felt like I was talking to Mark when I was talking with Jasper. We talked about almost everything except how I felt about Nick and about our relationship every becoming serious. I have to say that lately he was acting like he was in love with me. I never called him out on it though.   

“I missed you baby. I haven’t seen you at all this week. And I think you got prettier since I’ve seen you last.”

I looked at him with a questioning look, “Really?”

“Yeah.”

“And you really missed me?”

“Of course I did. What… I can’t miss the girl I love?”

I was so shocked.

“What did you just say?”

“I said I love you. Do you love me too?”

The words just fell out of my mouth, “Yes I do.”

“Oh Kalie you made me so happy right now! Come on let’s go up stairs and celebrate!” He grabbed my hand and whisked me up to my room. I giggled at his sheer joy. Maybe I was starting to actually love Jasper.

The next afternoon after Jasper left for work, I called Mark.

“Hey Kayl! How was the concert last night?”

“It was awesome as usual! But I’m so excited now!”

“What’s up?”

“First our friends are coming home tomorrow!”

“What time are they coming home?”

“Well I’m not really sure but I’m having everybody over for a welcome home dinner if you want to come. I’m making mac and cheese.”

“I’ll be there with bells on!”

“I figured you would say that once I said mac and cheese! And second…” I paused for dramatic effect.

“What?”

“When Trish and I came home last night Kyle and Jasper were waiting up for us.”

“Wait did you say Jasper?” he asked astonished.

“Yeah Jasper was waiting up too. I asked him why he was waiting up and he said that he really missed me and… guess what else!”

“What,” he was a little hesitant to ask.

“He told me he loved me,” I replied while I slowly smiled.

“He told you he loves you… really. What did you say back?”

“I told him I love him too.”

“Bad move Kalie.”

“The words just slipped. It’s was a reflex.”

“Watch your back Kay. Watch it very, very carefully. And don’t fall too far for him.”

“I know Mark. I’m a smart cookie. I’ll see you tomorrow for dinner.”

“Alright hun. See you tomorrow.” 

Chapter 23 Was He Really That Stupid?

***Nick’s Point of View***

I was so glad the Now or Never tour was finished. Don’t get me wrong I enjoyed touring but it would have been more fun with Kalie. She could have toured with us because she graduated college and her boss would’ve given her all the time off in the world. I was disappointed when she turned down the offer of being my backup singer. The rest of my best friends jumped at the chance to show off on stage but Kalie, the one I really wanted on tour with me, refused the once in a life time chance. I was willing to give her tickets to any of the shows and pay for transportation too, even overseas, but she wanted to stay close to home. I didn’t understand why. Her best friends were on tour, she had no boyfriend. I knew she never really liked to travel because she got bad cases of homesickness but I figured she would want to leave all her troubles behind. I thought I knew Kalie like the back of my hand but she proved me wrong. It wasn’t until the welcome home dinner that I found out the real reason why she stayed home.

Kalie and I didn’t get enough chances to talk to each other during the Now or Never tour. When I did get the chance to talk to her she kept repeating that she missed all of us and that it was pretty boring without us. She never told me about Jasper.

Jasper was nice, enough, I guess. He had a strong handshake but something about him made me not exactly nervous but very wary.  

He was all over Kalie and that disgusted me. She was buzzing around trying to get dinner ready and the process was slowed by him pulling her away from the dish of mac and cheese and shoving his tongue down her throat whenever he got the chance. Ok they were in the kitchen while this was going on and the rest of us were sitting around the dining room table so it wasn’t like they were making out in front of us but still; it was awkward and just gross.

Kalie finally pushed him out of the kitchen and put the final touches on the mac and cheese before serving it. She took her seat between me and Jasper and he continued to be handsy with her throughout dinner. I could tell Kalie was getting annoyed and the rest of us started feeling more and more awkward. She finally whispered something in Jasper’s ear and he stopped.

After dinner we watched a movie and Crystal asked if everyone who was on tour could stay the night and of course Kalie let us. Michelle and Chris called the basement; Crystal and Dan grabbed the pull out bed in the couch; lucky me got the guest room next to Kalie’s bed room.

That night as I laid my head on the pillow I heard Kalie’s voice from her room next door.

“Can we not do this tonight baby?”

“Oh come on why not?” he answered in a whiny voice.

“I’m tired and we have a guest sleeping in the room next door. Let’s just skip it tonight alright.”

“He can’t hear us. And it’s not like he would be listening in on us either. You’re not being fair Kalie.”

“How so?”

“Well first you’re lying here half naked; second the light coming in from the window is hitting your luscious curves just right; third we didn’t do it last night.”

“So what? We don’t have to do it every night.”

“But I want to show you that I love you and plus I’m really, really excited.”

“I can see that,” I slightly laughed at the annoyance in her voice. “But there are other ways you can show your affection for me. I’m not in the mood.”

“Oh come on. I know how to turn you on.”

“Please not tonight. It won’t work. I’m tired.”

“Kalie you don’t know me at all do ya? When haven’t I turned you on?”

They stopped talking for a while until I heard faint moaning sounds. My eyes went wide with surprise then the noises continued and my expression turned into one of disgust.

The noises went on for I don’t know how long. I do know that my heart strings were being pulled at because Kalie said, “Ouch! That hurt! Stop doing that!” a few times.

His reply was, “Just stop you know you like it!”

“Obviously she doesn’t like whatever you’re doing!” I whispered to myself. My pulse quickened and I could feel my blood boiling. That bastard was hurting my best friend and I couldn’t do anything about it.

Oh did she deserve a whole lot better. I kept thinking that I could be that better boyfriend for her. I became very jealous of that pathetic Jasper. Something in my gut told me that he didn’t really love Kalie that he was just using her for the sex. It was at that moment that my heart made my mind up for me. There was no doubt about it. I wanted to be the one to show my best friend how love could really be. There was no doubting the fact that I was falling for my best friend.

I was going to tell her about my feelings the next day but seeing the way they acted around each other stopped me. They were acting like they actually were in love. He couldn’t keep his eyes and hands off of her and she wore a gorgeous smile. Grant it she was with all of her best friends bowling and joking around but I knew one of the main reasons for that smile was Jasper. I wanted to be him. I wanted to be in Jasper’s place badly.

As you can guess I never told Kalie my feelings. She and Jasper were still going strong. They were still together when Kasey and Trish got married in October of 2003 and Kalie was a braids maid. They even held out until October of 2004 when Michelle and Chris married. The only difference was that Kalie moved up a rank to maid of honor next to Crystal. Michelle couldn’t choose between her two best friends and they were both like her sisters so she broke tradition and had two maids of honor. Michelle invited the rest of the Boys and we announced that we were working on a new cd. So that was most of 2003 and 2004. Now for 2005.   

It started off like any other year. It seemed like it would stay pretty quiet until June 14 turned the corner and BSB released Never Gone. We weren’t expecting the turn out Never Gone received because we took a four year break from the music scene as a group while Brian and I went solo for a while. I’m pretty sure I could speak for the rest of BSB when I say that we were shocked but mostly appreciative that so many fans bought the cd the day it came out and started to demand concerts close to their home towns. The cd was a success which was more than we expected.

Then another unexpected event occurred.

It was July 14, exactly one month after the release of the new CD, when Kalie called to tell me tragic news.

“Nick,” she said in a near whisper. I could hear the shock in her voice and immediately knew something was wrong.

“Kalie what happened?” I heard nothing but silence on the other line. “Kalie?”

“I just got a call that… that…”

“Kayl…just tell me. I’m listening.”

She took a deep breath in before answering, “My grandparents were killed in a car accident.”

My breathing stopped until I squeaked out, “No! What happened?”

She broke down, “They were hit by a fucking drunk driver and they were both killed! And the God damn driver left the scene without a scratch! He fucking killed both of my grandparents and he was unharmed! My grandparents are dead and he’s fucking untouched!”

I listened to her cry and I felt tears stinging in my eyes. Kalie’s grandparents were in a way my grandparents. They always considered me as a grandson and I truly felt I was a part of the Smith family. The news greatly upset me but obviously Kalie was distraught. The entire Smith family was close knit and I couldn’t imagine how they were feeling having their most beloved family members taken from them like that.

“Where are you?”

“I’m home… alone,” she sobbed.

“Where’s Jasper?”

“At work.”

“Did you call him?”

“No. You’re the first one I’ve called besides my brothers. Kim was the one who called me. I’m shaking so bad Nick I can’t really move!”

“I’ll be right over. Just stay put.”

As soon as I hung up I ran out to my car and sped to Kalie. By the time I got there her siblings and siblings in law were just opening the front door. We found Kalie rocking back and forth in the armchair, her eyes red and puffy and her arms and legs trembling. Once she saw her siblings the tears started to roll down her face again. They rushed over to her and gathered into a group crying circle. Once they parted I wrapped my arms around Kalie as a few tears escaped my eyes. I quickly brushed them away. I didn’t want her to see me cry.  I wanted to be strong for her.

“Who didn’t you call?” I whispered.

“Like I said on the phone you and my brothers were the only one I called. I didn’t call any of our best friends but they should know. I didn’t even call Jasper.”

“I’ll call Mich, and Tally, and Dan and Chris and Mark,” Trish said.

“Let me have your cell phone so I can call your boyfriend.” She reached into her pocket and handed me her cell phone.

I looked through her contacts while I walked into the kitchen so Kalie and her siblings wouldn’t hear the news all over again.

“Hey babe,” Jasper answered the call.

“No it’s not Kalie.”

“Then who is it?!” he demanded.

“It’s Nick.”

“Why are you calling me on my girlfriend’s phone while I’m at work?”

“I called because Kalie’s grandparents were hit by a drunk driver today and they were both killed.”

“Oh… why isn’t Kalie telling me this?”

Did he really ask me that?

“She can’t talk!” I answered raising my voice slightly.

“Why not?”

Was this guy that stupid!

“She’s fucking devastated! She hasn’t stopped crying since her sister called to tell her about it!”

“Well… what do you want me to do about it?”

That pissed me off and I exploded, “What can you do about it? What can you do about it?! You could come over and try to console your girlfriend like you’re supposed to!”

“Well I can’t just get up and leave my job.”

“Why the fuck not?! You know what don’t even answer that! Congrats Jasper you just won the best boyfriend of the year award you fucking prick!”

I hung up the phone and threw it on the kitchen table. I couldn’t believe he just said that. I thought he was so in love with her but that proved to me that he was really just using her. I stormed back into the living room and stopped when Kalie picked her head up from the arm chair and asked, “Is he on his way?”

I took a few more steps closer to her and answered, “He says he can’t get out of work with such short notice. He won’t be home until later.”

She buried her face into her hands and sobbed, “I want my boyfriend! I want him to hold me and tell me everything’s going to be ok!”

I picked her up and sat on the arm chair so she was cradled in my lap.

“I guess you’ll have to settle with me for now Kayl.”

With that she dug her face into the crook of my neck and wrapped her arms around my waist. I slowly rocked the arm chair and rubbed my hand soothingly up and down her back. As her tears soaked through my shirt I stared at the picture of her grandparents hanging up on the wall. I couldn’t believe this was happening.   

Chapter 24 Never Gone

***Nick’s Point of View***

It was five long, agonizing days before Grandma and Grandpa Smith’s funeral. The entire Smith family gathered for that most depressing period of time. And the Smith family was huge. They all occupied the surrounding hotels and Kalie housed some of her aunts and uncles and cousins while she stayed at my house. She was going to stay with Jasper but he wasn’t being supportive at all. He went away on business and wasn’t back until a week after the funeral. I mean he had a high position in a well paying job; he had plenty of money to spend on everything from fancy cars to expensive vacations but yet he didn’t have enough to stay home with his grieving girlfriend.

Way before this whole tragic accident occurred Kalie asked me about a very powerful song from the newest album.

“Nick what is the meaning to Never Gone?”

“The song or CD?”

“The song. I’ve been trying to figure it out but my reason sounds stupid.”

“Well what do you think it’s about?”

“I think it’s about how you and BSB feel about your fans.”

“That’s one reason. But really that song has many different reasons to many different people… including me and the Boys.”

“Really? What does it mean to BSB?”

“Well…” I started, “Howie dedicates it to his late sister. Kevin wrote the draught of this song for his father. I dedicate it to my grandma and Brian always thinks of his grandparents when he hears that song.”

“So basically it’s about a loved one dying?”

“Well… maybe. That’s the beauty of that song… it’s open to interpretation.”

Now it was the day of the funeral and everyone dressed in black to reflect their emotions. My best friends and I were right by Kalie and Kasey’s sides for support. Mark was there too and Kalie found her strength between him and I. She was so overcome with emotion that she was weakened and found it hard to walk.  Mark and I became her crutches. It seemed like the entire Smith family was weakened at the seams because of this great loss for Grandma and Grandpa Smith were more than just the matriarch and patriarch of the family; they were the eldest brother and sister in law, parents, grandparents and great grandparents who were dearly, dearly loved.

“Now all 15 of the Smith grandchildren would like to sing a song to memorialize their beloved grandparents,” the preacher said at the end of his service.

Kalie leaned over to me and whispered in my ear, “I now know what that song means to me and my entire family now.”

She and the rest of the Smith grandchildren took their spots near the caskets. All of their eyes were clouded with tears but they all took deep breaths as the oldest cousin Karen started the music. I looked up at Kalie when I recognized the song and she closed her eyes and nodded her head slowly.    

I don’t know how they did it but all 15 of the Smith grandchildren swallowed their tears and sang Never Gone. Karen, Kim, Kyle, Kasey and Kalie, being the oldest of the cousins, took over the leads for this touching song and they all joined together to sing the chorus. They all sang beautifully and amazingly none of them let a single tear drop run down their face. On the other hand all the rest of the people were crying inconsolably. I could feel the tears stinging my own eyes.

I remember glancing at Kalie’s father. He was one of the most manly and toughest guys I knew and I had only seen him tear once at Kim’s wedding. Now he was crying like a baby as he held his older sister’s hand. It seemed there would be no end to the tears.

Just before the funeral ended, everyone got to say their final good byes. I had a hard time saying my good byes because this whole situation didn’t seem real. I was the last of the friends to say good bye and after I had taken my seat again Kalie and her twin walked up and knelt before the caskets. The image of Kalie and Kasey saying their good byes will be burned in my brain forever. The lights in the front of the funeral parlor made the twins into silhouettes in front of the caskets. Kasey helped his sister up and she feel into his arms. They both stood there and cried before moving so Kim and Kyle could take their turn. I don’t know what made me more emotional; the unexpected loss of my “adoptive” grandparents, or seeing my best friend so upset. I walked over to her and grabbed her into my arms. She leaned against me and cried. I wanted to be strong for her but I couldn’t hold back my own tears.       

After the funeral I stayed with Kalie until I had to go back on tour with the Boys. Jasper didn’t come home from business until one week after the funeral. Kalie didn’t even have to ask me to say with her because I knew she was going to be lonely. I wanted to make sure she was going to get her strength back before I left.

Then the Jackass, I mean Jasper, came home.

They got into a really bad fight one night while they were settling down for bed. Kalie raised her voice, which was rare for her, so I could hear her from in my guest room over the war movie I was watching.

“Baby…” I heard Kalie say, “Can I ask you a question?”

“Do you really have to? Can’t we just get it on?”

“You can wait a minute. You’re not going to die if you don’t get it right away. So can I ask you a question?”

“Fine. What is it?”

“Do you really care about me?”

“What did you just ask?” his voice became very gruff and the hair on the back of my neck stood up.

“I asked if you really care about me.”

“How dare you ask that?! Of course I care about you I love you!”

“Then where were you when both of my grandparents were killed?!”

“You know where I was! I was away on business that I couldn’t get out of.”

“Bull shit! You know that if you explained the situation to your boss you could’ve gotten out of it! You probably don’t even know how devastated I was! No how devastated I still am!”

“I know how your feeling. I had grandparents die too you know! And I do care about you!”

“Right now I can’t believe you. I think all you care about is the sex.”

“You know me Kalie! That’s the only way I can express my feelings toward you!”

“There are other ways then just sex! You never take me out, never really listen to me when I have a problem, and you never want to just chill. It’s always sex, sex, sex with you Jasper! And to top it all off you weren’t there for me last week!”

“But I do care for you! I care a lot about you!”

“You’re a fucking liar! You’re the biggest bull shit artist I know!”

“I am not! I’m not lying to you!”

“Prove it then! If not pack up your things and leave now.”

“Fine then I will prove it!”

“What are you doing?... Jasper!”

“I’m proving that I love you and that you drive me crazy!”

“Jasper stop!”

“You know you want to Kalie!”

“NO I don’t! Jasper!” She was starting to sound desperate and I started hearing a muffled thumping sound. I got a strange feeling she was punching him but I wasn’t sure.

There was a long pause before Kalie started screaming, “Jasper stop! Stop! Please! STOP! STOP! N…”

I heard a loud smacking sound and Jasper hiss, “Shut up bitch! You know you want this. And you know we both need this!”

“NO! JASPER STOP! JUST PLEASE STOP!” Her screams turned into muffled sobs and Jasper kept shouting, “Shut up and enjoy it like I am!”

I sprang from the bed and rushed into Kalie’s room. She was wearing only her black push up bra and matching lace panties and was forced onto her hands and knees with tears streaming down her face. I could see her arms quivering. I ran and tackled Jasper. I pinned him to the ground and started beating his face in. The little prick didn’t even fight back.

“YOU MOTHER FUCKER! HOW FUCKING DARE YOU DO THIS TO KALIE!” I screamed.

I got to my feet and pulled him up by the neck.

I stared into his eyes and said with clenched teeth, “Leave right now and never come back!”

With that I released my grip. Jasper zipped up his pants and walked out the door without a word. I picked Kalie up from the floor. Her arms had given out on her and she was lying face down on the floor so I placed her gently on her bed. Then I pushed back the blinds of the window overlooking the drive way and watched as he drove way in his sports car.

“Nick,” she started to whimper, “I can’t believe he did this to me. He fucking raped me. I thought he loved me!”

I took a giant step and was sitting next to her in a second. My heart started to race but I remained calm as I turned her face toward mine. I looked into her deep brown eyes that were filled with so much pain and said, “Kalie, honey, you don’t need him. You don’t need anybody like him. I don’t want to see you get hurt again. I know you’re strong but you can’t go through this anymore. I can’t see you go through this anymore. Dump his ass and move on from him. Find yourself someone who will actually love you.”

She stared into my eyes for a few seconds after I spoke then glanced at the picture she kept of Jasper on her bedside table. She turned her head toward me again then whispered, “Nick… just hold me.”  

I brought her into my arms. She dug her face into the crook of my neck as I rubbed my hands up and down her back. While she was in my arms, I took in the smell of her perfume; the mixture of cherry blossoms and vanilla was sending my senses into over drive. And just having Kalie this close to me was driving me insane! I was holding her so close that it felt like at any second she and I would morph into one person and she was returning the grip.

I don’t know what came over me but I started lightly and slowly kissing down her neck. I wanted to console her in any way possible and she was right there in my arms, half naked. I mean she was wearing a push up bra and sexy lace panties that made her gorgeous body even sexier. She was exciting me, she was driving me wild. But more than anything I wanted to take way all of her pain. I wanted to be the one to make her forget about Jasper. I wanted to be Kalie’s and I wanted Kalie to be mine.

As I continued to kiss her neck, I felt her hand glide up my back and into my hair. She started messaging my head and that drove me over the edge. My breathing became faster and I felt her heart beat quicken.

Then I made the gutsiest move I had ever made. I looked into her eyes for a split second, and then my lips crashed onto hers.

***Kalie’s Point of View***

I don’t know why I let Nick kiss me. Maybe I wanted someone to take all my pain away. Maybe I didn’t want to fight him. Maybe I wanted him period. To this day I still don’t know but oh that kiss! That unpredicted, unimaginable, indescribable, unbelievable kiss! That was the kiss that made me want more.

Once I let my mouth open to his tongue I felt his passion. I let him go as far as he wanted to and when I felt his body start to push me down on my bed I let him. He hovered over me holding onto my sides as we made out. He was so gentle but at the same time aggressive. He pulled away from my lips and I opened my eyes. He still had his closed as he hovered over me again. He reached up and placed his hand behind my ear; I rubbed the side of my face against it affectionately in return. He then brought his face over mine again and slowly opened his eyes. I looked up at him with a questioning look on my face. I didn’t know what he was going to do and what he did do surprised and in a way disappointed me.

***Nick’s Point Of View***

Once I opened my eyes I saw the look in Kalie’s.

“Shit! I can’t do this! Not to her! Not to my best friend,” I thought to myself.

I shook myself out of the trance she had caught me in. I jumped off her bed and headed for the door.

“Nick where are you going?”

I turned around and answered, “I can’t do this to you Kayl. This was a big mistake. Just forget it ever happened. I’ll talk to you later if you still want to talk me.”

With that I escaped through the door without another word.

***Kalie’s Point Of View***

“No Nick come back!” I screamed to him then my voice dropped, “I… I want you.”

I started to feel unwanted and disgusting. I just realized that my boyfriend was only using me for my body and now Nick didn’t want me. And worse of all my friendship with him was probably ruined just now.

I reached for the picture of Jasper I kept on my beside table and said to his image, “See what you have done?! I lost Nick because of you!”

“Hello?” Nick picked up his phone the next day.

“Hey Nick. It’s me.”

“Oh hey Kay.”

“Can you come over? I need to talk to you in person.”

“Sure. I’ll be over in a few minutes.”

“Thanks.” I let out a relieved sigh. At least he wasn’t mad at me for the other day. Thankfully he still wanted to talk to me.

He pulled into the drive way ten minutes later and I led him into the back yard so we could talk.

“Are you mad at me?”

“For what?”

“For what happened yesterday.”

“How could I be mad at you for that? It wasn’t your fault. It was mine.”

“No Nick it was my fault. I was the one who wouldn’t push you away. I was the one who didn’t listen to you and the rest of our friends when you told me Jasper was no good for me. I was so stupid! I should have listened! I hate that it took me so long to realize what an ass he is! I should have learned from what happened with Dylan. And because of me our friendship…”

“Kalie stop right there. It’s not your fault. I was the one who was caught in the moment. I was the one who should have stopped. And so what if you didn’t listen? This was something you had to learn on your own like you had to do with Dylan. Kayl, you’re still my best friend. You’ll never have to worry about our friendship because you will always be my best friend.”

“I will?”

“Of course you will.”

“Then will you be here waiting for me when I break up with Jasper tomorrow?”

“What?”

“I’ve come to terms with the fact that Jasper really is not the guy for me and that there is someone out there for me who will actually love me. But I want you to be here when I get home so I’m not alone. You’ll be my best friend and do that for me please?”

He looked into my eyes and smiled, “You can count on me to be there.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

This really good sensation tingled up my spine when he said that. Just by looking into my eyes, smiling that beautiful smile, and promising he’ll be there for me made me feel like everything was going to be ok.

He stayed true to his word because when I returned home from giving Jasper all his things back Nick was waiting in the living room.

About two weeks after Jasper raped me I got very scared.

One of the reasons was because Nick was about to go on tour. The other reason was even scarier.

Nick came home from practice one day to find me rocking myself back and forth in my arm chair.

“What’s wrong?”

I said in a near whisper, “I think I’m pregnant.”

Nick’s eyes went wide with shock, “What did you just say?”

“I think I’m pregnant. My period is almost a week late and it’s never been late. I can’t be pregnant with Jasper’s baby I just can’t! What am I going to do Kaos?”

“You’re going to get a pregnancy test to make sure and you’re not going to worry. And I’ll be here to help you get through this if you are pregnant.”  

Once again Nick kept his word and got me through that scare. A day before he left for tour I got my period. Thank God I wasn’t pregnant. 

Chapter 25 Great, Just Great!

To be honest there was nothing really exciting to report that went on in 2006 except for Nick finishing the Never Gone tour then heading back to the studio for another BSB CD. Also the beginning of 2007 wasn’t very exciting either. The year started to pick up when Unbreakable was released on October 24th.

So now we find ourselves on October 26th the day of Dan and Crystal’s wedding. Michelle and I were working our fingers off trying to lace up the bride’s dress. We were both her maids of honor.

“I still can’t believe you copied me Tally. I mean did you really have to have two maids of honor?” Michelle asked jokingly.

“Duh! I couldn’t choose between the two of you. Besides you are both my sisters. Do you know how hard it is to choose between the two of you?”

“Tally I was just kidding,” Michelle laughed. “And yes I do know how hard that choice was. Those were my exact reasons for having two maids of honor also.”

“So I guess that means I’ll have to choose between three sisters. Oh great, whose going to be my maid of honor Kim or you two?”

We all laughed and Michelle and Crystal said in unison, “You better pick us!”

The ceremony went as planned and that day was definitely one of the happiest for all who were there. Tally looked so beautiful and Dan was equally handsome. Also everyone had a blast like they did at Mich and Chris’s wedding. They used the same DJ and he kept everyone on the dance floor like he did a few years prior.

Nick was my escort and dance partner for the night. He was also Dan’s best man along with Chris. Nick looked so handsome in his black tux and blue vest which matched the color of the bride’s maids’ dresses. I couldn’t keep my eyes off of him the entire night. Even if I looked away my eyes would snap right back to him. A few times people tried to hold conversations with me but the only thing I could focus on was how hot Nick looked. He had bulked up in a good way in the last few months and I was starting to feel those butterflies in my stomach again. I wanted to know if he felt the same way about me but I couldn’t conjure the nerve to ask him. I still had that thought in the back of my mind that something bad was going to happen between us like it had with so many other relationships. I was starting to try to convince myself to just give up on my search for love when 2008 rolled in.

It was a rainy day in February when my feelings about finding someone changed. I was on my way to a dance work shop which Dia, my boss and dance coach, nominated me for. The weather was terrible and visibility wasn’t the greatest. I was going the speed limit and being as careful as possible. Then I heard a loud bang! I pulled over and inspected my car. My left front tire was ripped to shreds. I must’ve hit a jagged pot hole.  

“Great!” I popped open the trunk and found my spare tire missing. “Oh shit! That’s right! The one that just popped was my spare!” Nick had changed it when the other one got deflated when I ran over a huge nail.

“This is just great! What am I going to do now?” I jumped back in my car and turned on my hazard blinkers. I searched for my cell phone but of course I left it home on the charger. “Perfect! Just perfect! What am I supposed to do now?”

I sat in my car for five minutes when a cop car pulled up behind me.

The cop tapped on my window and I rolled it down.

“Are you alright ma’m?”

“Yes officer I just blew a tire and I don’t have a replacement.”

“Did you call someone?”

“No I left my cell at home. I… don’t know what to do and… do I know you?”

“I would say you do.”

He took lifted his hat to show his eyes and I gasped, “Ryan!”

“Yup Kalie it’s me.”

“Oh my god. What are the chances of you being the cop to pull up behind me?”

“It’s crazy I know. Do you want me to drive you home?”

“Would it be ok?”

“Yeah. Come on.”

“What about my car?”

“I’ll call to have it towed.”

“Thank you Ryan.”

“You’re welcome.”

I followed him to his police cruiser and sat in the passenger seat.

After Ryan called for the tow truck we sat in silence for a good while. I was starting to become nervous so I just started talking.

“Thanks for the ride home.”

“It’s my job. I couldn’t leave you out there. It’s too dangerous with the roads like this.”

“Well still thanks.”

Silence fell again before he said, “There’s something I need to get off my chest Kalie.”

“Really? Because there’s something I need to get off my chest.”

“Alright then ladies first.”

“I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for cheating on you. I shouldn’t have done it. I was only hurt in the end. Both of us were hurt.”

“And I’m sorry I ever cheated on you. You are very special Kalie and I didn’t realize it until I lost you. I still love you babe. I am truly, deeply sorry for everything I’ve done and I would like to know if you are willing to take me back? Will you give me another chance?”

I looked at him in disbelieve and I didn’t know what to say. So I said the first words that came to my mind, “Of course I’ll give you another chance! I love you too Ryan!”

From that point on Ryan and I acted like nothing had ever happened between the two of us. And I truly did fall back in love with him. The connection we were starting to regain was amazing! I couldn’t believe it was happening and I was becoming so happy again! I was amazed at how an accident brought us together again. I didn’t know what the future held for Ryan and I but from what I was seeing, the future was looking as bright as Ryan’s smile.

***Nick’s Point Of View***

As you can imagine I was less than happy about Ryan and Kalie getting back together. Every one of her best friends and siblings hated the news.

I remember we all had a “conference” at Michelle’s house after she had called each of us to tell us the story.

“Grandma and Grandpa would be rolling in their graves if they found out about this!” Kasey announced.

“They probably already know and are rolling around as we speak,” Kim commented.

“What are we going to do about this?” Michelle asked.

“We’re going to watch her back very, very carefully,” Kyle answered.

“Do you think maybe he really did change this time?” Crystal asked. “Maybe he is really sorry for cheating on her and won’t do it again.” That’s Crystal for you. She always thought on the positive side. But there were some things that really couldn’t be positive.

“I highly doubt it,” Michelle said. “Once a cowardly cheater always a cowardly cheater. You can’t change that Tally.”

“What if something awful happens to her again? I don’t think Kalie is going to be able to get through another disaster,” I commented.

“We’ll all be there for her and get her through it like we have all the other times before,” Mark answered calmly. “That’s what her best friends and family are for. Besides you’ve said it yourself, Kalie’s one of the strongest girls we all know.”

“You’re right,” I answered aloud while I was saying in my head, “I just hope she’s strong enough to get over whatever he’s going to do to her this time.”

As the weeks passed into months, time flew by and it became time for me to head back on tour with the Boys again. Kalie had invited me over to stay for a few weeks before I went away so I took her up on the offer.

Ryan was actually acting like a normal person while I stayed with them. He was also acting like a good boyfriend to Kalie. I’m not sure if that was just a front he was putting on or he did actually change but all I know is that my guard was constantly up around him.

But Kalie seemed happy… with the jerk. And I have to admit it was starting to look like he was changing but some little voice in my head told me to watch him closely.

One night Ryan was on some operation so it was just me and Kalie. We decided to watch a movie and make some popcorn. I don’t know if it was my mind playing tricks on me or what but it seemed that Kalie was being very flirty with me.

It all started when Kalie commented on the black shirt I was wearing, “Ya know Carter; you look pretty hot in black.”

She caught me off guard and I shook my head then looked at her, “What’d you just say?”

“I said you look hot in black.”

“Um thanks?”

She laughed at me, “What Carter? You can’t take a complement from your best friend?”

“You’ve never said anything like that to me before.”

“Well… it’s true.”

She flashed this flirty, little smile at me then grabbed the popcorn from the microwave.

“So what are we watching?”

She started the VCR and said, “Guess.”

“I don’t want to guess. Tell me.”

“No guess.”

“Can I have clues?”

She grabbed a book and walked toward me and said, “It’s set in a small French village that’s home to a girl who always has her face buried in a book. She has a strong, manly man chasing after her,” she dropped the book and imitated a body builder which made me laugh, “And then a freak accident leads her to a mysterious castle where a monster lives. In the end she falls for the monster and he is turned into a handsome, blonde haired, blue eyed prince.”

She ruffled my hair and I chuckled.

“Beauty and the Beast?”

“You got it right Carter.”

“Remember when we did our own version of Beauty and the Best for our play in senior year of high school?”

“Oh yes do I remember! That was the best play ever! And it was so much fun. Michelle and I were the twin Beauties, Kasey played our father, you and Chris were the beasts, Crystal was “Mrs. Potts”, and Dan was the tough guy Gaston.”

“Do you have that play on video?”

“Hell yeah I do! Wanna watch that instead?”

“Sure!”

“All right I’ll go get that then.”

We watched the play and made our own commentary about things that went on backstage during the play. But also she would look at me at certain points and just smile. I would look into her eyes and I could’ve sworn there was a little twinkle in hers and she blushed a few times.

“You know Kalie; you looked really hot in that yellow dress with your hair curled up like that.”

She turned her head from me and mumbled, “Thanks.”

“Why are you turning away from me?” I inched closer to her on the couch and tried to turn her face toward me. I saw that her cheeks were a slight tint of red, “Are you blushing Kalie Marie!?”

“No,” she tried to hide her face but it was useless.

“Oh yes you are!”

“No I’m not.”

“Admit it! I made you blush.”

“No you didn’t.”

“Oh yeah what if I do this,” my fingers flew to her sides and tickled her ribs. She laughed to the point of tears.

“OK! OK! OK! I’ll admit it. You made me blush! Just please stop tickling me!” she pleaded.

I laughed and stopped tickling her, I hugged her instead.

“What was that for?” she asked when the embrace ended.

I shrugged, “I don’t know. I just wanted to hug ya.”

She smiled at me and I stared into her eyes for a few seconds that didn’t want to end.

I felt myself subconsciously leaning closer to her when the front door opened.

“Kalie babe I’m home!”

“Ryan!” She jumped from the couch and ran into his arms. She gave him a deep kiss and hugged him tightly.

That sight made me very confused. Kalie was just flirting with me and maybe I was mistaken but I thought I saw the hint of love in her eyes. Then she acts like a love sick puppy when Ryan walked in the door. I guess Kalie was harder to figure out than I thought.

That wasn’t the only time that happened. Oh it happened about five more times. I just kept getting mixed signals and signs from her. One night before I fell asleep I sang an oldie from BSB’s first album.

  My only wish was that Kalie heard me.

“I know he’s driving a fancy car

When you’re with him you’re feeling like a star

But when I’m home alone

I think only of you

So what you do know?

How does it grow?

So how can he buy a love that’s not for sale?

If you two were so in love I couldn’t tell baby

Cuz when I’m at home alone

I hear your heart it swells

You gotta know

How does it grow?

Who do you love?

Who do you love?

Girl I know that you are torn between

What was and what could be

I wanna know gotta know wanna know gotta know

Who do you love?

Do you love?

So let’s take some time out to find a way

Cuz there’s just so many things I need to say

Cuz when the lights are down and love is in the air

And I need to know do you really care

Who do you love?

Who do you love?

Girl I know that you are torn between

What was and what could be

I wanna know gotta know wanna know gotta know

Who do you love?

Girl I find I just can’t leave you alone

Nobody’s gunna tell me I’m wrong

And I promise I will make love our own

And if you’re ever in need

Put your full trust in me

And I would never leave you at home

Who do you love?

Tell me who yeah

Who do you love?

I need to know baby

I know that you are torn between

What was and what could be

I wanna know gotta know wanna know gotta know

Who do you love?

Who do you love?”

***Kalie’s Point of View***

Yes I heard him singing. I remember that night clearly. It was the night before Nick left for the Unbreakable tour. I was just about to head up the stairs when I heard him singing. His powerful voice could be heard through the closed door of his guest room. My muscles froze when I heard the lyrics. Leaning against the banister I waited until he finished the song.

Then Ryan called out, “Kalie honey, you coming to bed?”

“Yeah I’ll be right there babe.”

I slowly walked up the stairs and into the master bedroom.

Ryan and I cuddled close that night.

“Guess what,” he whispered in my ear.

“What?” I whispered back.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” We kissed good night then he drifted off to sleep.

That night as I was falling asleep, my thoughts were flip flopping between Nick and Ryan. I didn’t know which one I loved more. “Kalie what’s going on with your emotions girl?” I thought to myself, “You don’t even know who you want anymore. Great, just great.” 

Chapter 26 Remember It’s A Surprise

By September of 2009 Ryan and I had gotten closer than ever before. We really did fall back in love and I was so happy. My friends even saw that for the first time. But still they had their doubts, especially Michelle.

“Kalie, I’m very happy to see you this happy but I just want to warn you to watch Ryan very carefully because he could go back to cheating in a heartbeat,” she told me one day when she and Crystal were hanging out at my house.

“I really don’t think he’ll do it this time. He loves me.”

“But you’ve said that once before Kayl. Do you think he’s really changed this time?” asked Crystal.

“I think he really did.”

“How can you tell?” questioned Michelle.

“I can see it in his eyes. He’s never looked at me with such love before. And he holds me a lot more. When he does it’s like he never wants to let me go. He’s never been so affectionate before. I believe he’s changed a lot for the better this time.”

“I’ll believe it when he puts a ring on your finger,” Michelle said.

Well on October 10, I called up Michelle with exciting news.

***Michelle’s Point of View***

“What’s up Kay babe?” I answered my cell.

“Ryan really did change after all!”

“You know what I said about that Kayl… wait a minute…”

“He proposed to me last night while we were watching the sun set!”

I didn’t reply for a while until she asked, “Mich are you still there?”

“Yeah I’m still here. I just… I just don’t know what to say… Can I ask you something?”

“Of course Mich.”

“Don’t get mad at me or anything but are you sure Ryan changed for good?”

“Yes Michelle I am.” I could hear the smile in her voice.

“Are you really happy with each other and are you two really in love?”

“Yes Mich this is the happiest I’ve been in a long time.”

“Alright then I know what to say… congratulations Kalie. I better be in your wedding party.”

She laughed and answered, “Oh don’t worry you will be! I got to go call Nick and tell him. Talk to you later Mich. Love ya bestie!”

“Later Kay. Love ya too bestie.”

***Nick’s Point of View***

I was in New York promoting the new BSB album This Is Us when Kalie called me. The Boys and I had just sat down in Howie and Leigh’s suite for a quick dinner of pizza and sandwiches when my cell rang.

“Kalie! What’s going on?” I had already talked to her earlier in the day so I wasn’t expecting to talk to her again. “Something exciting must have happened for you to call me twice in one day,” I joked.

“Well something very exciting did happen.”

“Tell me!”

“Ryan and I got engaged!”

My cell dropped from my hand onto the floor because I was so shocked. The Boys looked at me with questioning looks.

“Nick are you still there?” Kalie’s voice came from the phone.

I picked it up and said, “Yeah I am. But… what did you just say?”

“Ryan and I are engaged! He proposed to me when we were watching the sun set last night. I would’ve called you earlier but I had to tell my family.” I heard the happiness dripping from her voice.

I tried my hardest to sound sincere when I answered, “That’s great Kayl! I’m very happy for you. Congrats!”

“Thanks Nick! I’ve got to go. Ry and I are going out to dinner. I’ll talk to you later. Love ya Kaos.”

“I love you too Kay.”

I hung up after hearing the line disconnect.

“What’s going on with Kalie?” asked Brian.

“She and Ryan are engaged.”

Rochelle and AJ gave me surprised looks and Rochelle nearly screamed, “What?! It can’t be true!”

I nodded my head, “Oh yeah. Kalie wouldn’t lie. Not to me.”

“Is she crazy?!”

“Rochelle calm down. Maybe Ryan changed and really does love Kalie,” Leigh offered her reasoning.

“I hope he did,” I said getting up from the couch, “Because if he hurts her again he’s a dead man.”

“Where are you going?” asked Brian as I walked toward the door.

“I need to make a phone call. I’ll be back.”

Once I got into my room I dialed Michelle.

“Hey Nick!”

“Hey. Did you hear from Kalie?”

“Yes she just called me. I’m guessing she called and told you the good news?” her voice was glaring with sarcasm.

“Yeah and I can’t believe it! She can’t be marrying that idiot!”

“She claims he’s changed. For good this time.”

“Seriously?! What do you think? I mean from what I’ve seen he’s improved but not by much. You’ve probably seen more of him. Do you think he’s changed?”

“From what I’ve seen… I guess he did. I mean I don’t know him like Kalie does and I don’t want to get close to him. Who knows he really could’ve changed but I wouldn’t be surprised if he cheats again.”

“I’ll kill him if he hurts Kalie one more time.”

“The only things we can do are wait and see and pretend to be happy for Kalie.”

“You know me Mich, I love acting but I hate lying to my best friend.”

Before I went back to Howie’s suite I looked at my favorite picture of me and Kalie I kept in my wallet.

“Looks like I’ll never tell you now,” I said to her smiling picture.

In February of 2010 Kalie caught Ryan cheating on her for the last time. I found out because she called me in hysterics one day.

“He didn’t change after all! Mich is right! He’s fucking scum! He and I are over!”

“Did you break off the engagement?”

“Not yet. He doesn’t know I found out.”

“How did you find out?”

“He’s been gone for a week. He claimed he was helping his sister move into her apartment but he never called me. I kept leaving messages and he never returned my calls. Finally I called his sister and she told me that Ry was only with her for one day then said he was staying at some girl’s house. The girl’s name was Jackie!”

“No way! It can’t be the same Jackie who…”

“Yes! The one in New York! She apparently moved to Florida close to us! He’s seeing her again now that she lives in the same state!”

“When are you going to break up with him?”

“Tomorrow. We agreed to meet at a restaurant. But Nick can I ask you a favor?”

“You know you can. What is it?”

“Can you come over tonight? And be there for me when I get back from the restaurant?”

“Of course I will. I’ll come over now.”

Luckily I was on a pretty decent break before tour started. “I can stay as long as you want me too.”

“Thanks Nick.”

“Hey, what are best friends for?”

***Kalie’s Point of View***

“You can do this Kayl. Be strong. Be the usual Kalie Marie!” I gave myself a pep talk while I looked in the mirror. Ryan agreed to meet me at the park across from the restaurant where we had our first date. Once I was ready I went back down stairs and met Nick at the door.

“You ready Kay?”

“Yeah I am. Wish me luck.”

“You don’t need it. You’re Kalie Marie Smith! You’re the toughest girl I know.” He kissed my forehead and I suddenly had all the confidence in the world.

As I drove to the park I listened to the Black and Blue CD. Just before I pulled into the parking lot I listened to Not For Me. I listened intently to the lyrics and loved the fact that I could actually relate to them; they fit my mood perfectly and gave me the confidence to get out of the car to go confront my fiancé.

I looked around for him and thought aloud to myself, “He should be here by now.”

Then I heard his laugh. I turned around and saw him sitting on a park bench with another girl. He was all over her! They were making out right in front of me and I became pissed! My friends were right when they said I wasn’t his only one.

I stormed over and tapped his shoulder angrily.

“Do you mind?!” he snapped until he realized it was me standing behind him. “Oh shit Kalie! I can explain!”

“Save you’re fucking breath! My friends and family were right about you! I should have listened. Good bye Ryan. Our engagement is over and I never want to see you again!” I ripped the ring off my finger and threw it at him.

I stormed back to my car and over heard his lover say, “This is what I have been waiting for. Now I can have you all to myself.”

“I don’t know about you but I love you Jackie.”

She laughed, “I love you to Ry.” I didn’t need to look back over my shoulder because I knew they went back to making out again.

I drove back home to Nick as quickly as possible without getting a speeding ticket.

February morphed into March and it had already been a month without Ryan. But I wasn’t missing him at all which was surprising. Yet again I wasn’t surprised because of what he did to me. Plus I was looking for a date to my cousin Katie’s sweet 16 on March 6th, her actual birthday.

Katie and I shared the same birth date and her party was held in the same place as mine was. Katie and I were a lot alike besides the whole birthday thing. She had been my dancing student since she was 6 and she loved dancing as much as I did. Katie also acted a lot like me. It was more like she was my little sister instead of my cousin. She was also a Backstreet fan which gave me an idea of who I wanted to bring as my date; and an awesome idea for a birthday surprise.

Nick came over the day I had gotten the invite in the mail.

“Hey Nick?” I started.

“Yes…”

“Would you like to be my guest to my cousin Katie’s sweet 16?”

“When is it?”

“March 6th at 6pm.”

“Sure I’m free. Is there a theme?”

“It’s actually a masquerade. I’ll let you in on a little secret, Katie’s a big BSB fan, she loves you guys. She’s been a fan since she was little thanks to me. She even based her party off your song Masquerade. It’s one of her favorites and it’s going to be the song that starts off the party after dinner. She even had her best friends learn choreography so she could make her own little music video for it. She’s going to have all her friends be the backup dancers and she and her dance friends are going to be the main dancers telling the story of the song. She even wants all her cousins in the video. Isn’t that a cool idea?”

“Yeah that does sound really neat.”

“But I have an idea of making it even cooler.”

“What is it?”

“I was wondering if you and the Boys would be willing to perform at least Masquerade at Katie’s party to surprise her and have it be my birthday present to her. That would really make her sweet 16 special and unforgettable especially because she loves you guys so much. I already talked to my aunt and uncle about bringing you as my guest and my idea and they said it would be fine to have BSB as guests at the party and the Backstreet Family is welcome too. What do you think the rest of the Boys will think of it?”

“I have a feeling they would be in for it. They love a good party and if Katie’s sweet will be anything like yours they’ll have a blast.”

“Do you think Kevin would do it too? She loves all the older songs and Kevin is her favorite. She was very upset when he left in 2006.”

“He’s a big softy. Just tell him it’s a surprise for a sweet 16 and he should be there with bells on. Just give the guys a call and explain who it’s for. I like the idea and I’m pretty sure the guys will too.  And if not I’ll still be your guest anyway. Does Katie like Now or Never?”

“That’s another cd she loves.”

“Then if BSB isn’t there I’ll sing a few of my solo songs.”

“Thanks bud! Oh I hope BSB will say yes! Kate would love it! She’d be super happy! I’ll go call all of them right now.”

I picked up the phone and dialed Kevin’s number first, then Brian, Howie, and finally AJ. After explaining my idea to them I called my aunt and uncle to RSVP.   

The day before Katie’s party I helped my aunt, uncle, and cousin set up. We decorated the hall, set up all the tables, helped the DJ set up his equipment and made the party favors.

When all the decorations were set up the way Katie wanted them, we hung out for a little bit.

“So Katie, what is the dress code for tomorrow?”

“Well I’m asking everyone to be semi casual but all my friends are going to be a little dressier than the adults. Also I have color restrictions.”

“How so?”

“Well I told my friends to wear any color except purple, black or silver. I’m asking all my family who will be there to wear black or silver with something purple on it.”

“I’m guessing you’re going to be the only one in purple?”

“Yup. And the only one with a custom made purple mask. That was a present from my god parents.”

“What color mask do you want me to wear?”

“All the girls in the family are going to get silver masks and all the guys are going to have black ones.”

“That’s cool. I love your colors for this party.”

“Thanks. I know they’re your favorites. They’re mine too. Do you know what you’re going to wear?”

“No I don’t. I was going to wear my favorite purple dress but since you want to be the only one in purple I need to find a new one. Hey, how about you come help me pick out a dress?”

“Now?”

“Yeah why not?”

“Let me go ask my mom but I don’t think I have anything else to do. We’re all set up. I’ll be right back.”

She hurried off to ask permission and hurried back with a big smile and thumbs up.

“Let’s go dress shopping!”

On the way to the store I popped in the Unbreakable CD and Katie and I started singing at the top of our lungs.

“So do you think your friends are ready for the music videos?”

“I know they’re ready for Masquerade and they’re pretty excited for it too. I’m going to have smoke, mirrors, lights and magic, and my three best friends are going to have their own solos we all came up with. One’s going to be a tiger, one’s a lynx, and the other’s the king that’s suffering.”

“Oh damn! You really are making it like a real music video! You’re even matching the lyrics. That’s so cool! I wish I did that for my sweet.”

“Yeah I can’t wait. And I think we’ll have no problem with Hey Mr. DJ either. I have a feeling this is going to be awesome.”

“There’s no doubt about it Kate.”

“Oh guess what Uncle Keith made for me.”

“What?”

“He photo shopped the This Is Us CD cover to say “Backstreet Boys This Is Us appearing at Katie’s Sweet 16!” It has to be the best present I have gotten so far!”

“That’s really cool! You’ll have to bring it tomorrow and show me. But I think I could top it.”

“How?”

“Well I was going to tell you tomorrow but I’ll tell ya now. I hired BSB look a likes to perform at your party so you’re music videos will look authentic!”

“What?!” she screamed, “Kalie that’s awesome! But do they sound like BSB?”

“No they lip sync to their music but they look exactly like the Boys.”

“That’s so awesome! Thank you Kayl!”

“Oh don’t thank me yet. Let’s see how they perform 1st.”

Katie and I searched for black or silver dresses but there was nothing that looked even half way decent.

“Kay look what I found!” Katie pulled out a black and silver stripped dress with a purple ribbon around the waist.

“That’s really pretty!” I said looking over the dress, “And it’s my size. Let’s go try it on.”

We got into the dressing room and Katie helped me zip up the dress.

“Kalie that looks amazing on you!” she exclaimed.

I looked into the mirror and commented, “It does look really good and it fits perfectly.”

“You’re going to give me a run for my money there cousin.”

I laughed, “No one could be prettier than you on your sweet 16.”

“You gunna get the dress?”

“Yes I am. Good eye Kate.”

“Thanks.”

“Do you have a date yet Kayl?” she asked while paying for the dress.

“Not yet,” I lied, “But if I do find a date what should I tell him to wear?”

“Black or silver to match you and I’ll give him a black mask. You know Mark is coming too or didn’t he tell you?”

“Oh yeah I forgot he mentioned that. He could always be my date if I can’t find one.”

“There you go.”

I dropped Katie off at her house and promised I would be there early to help put the finishing touches on the hall and do the birthday girl’s hair and makeup.

“So what’s the dress code?” Nick asked when I got home.

“I would say wear black dress pants and a black shirt with a purple tie. And I bought five black masks.”

“Ok I’ll go spread the word now.”

“Remember it’s a surprise.” 

Chapter 27 Surprise!

“So when’s this gig?” Nick asked the night of the party, “Of course I forgot what you told me.”

“It starts with dinner at 6 but the music doesn’t start until 7. Kate’s going to do that “special persons” dance like I did for my sweet 16. I promised I would be there early but I figured I would stash you and the guys in one of the unoccupied rooms until I give you the go ahead to hit the stage. I’ll even score you some food before you go on.”

“Won’t Kate be suspicious when she sees you running food back and forth?”

“I told her that I hired BSB impersonators. She doesn’t know the real thing will be hiding away. She won’t suspect it either.”

“If you say so Kayl. When are you leaving?”

“As soon as I get myself dressed I’m going to call Kasey to pick me up. Just be there by 6 so you’re not late for dinner.”

“Alright I will.”

“Oh call me when you guys get to the hall so I can show you where to go and give you the masks.”

I ran upstairs, threw on my dress and shoes, grabbed my make up kit, fixed my hair then dialed Kasey’s number.

Katie greeted me, Kasey and Trish with excited hugs and a huge smile. She showed us to our table then I followed her into the bathroom to do her hair and makeup. My aunt Jewels, Kaite’s mom, followed us with the camera. She wanted to document every second of this party it seemed.

When I was all finished Katie looked into the big mirror and exclaimed, “Kalie I love what you did! This looks perfect! Thank you so much!”

“You’re welcome sweetie. You look so beautiful! No one can top your beauty tonight girl!”

“Your cousin’s right. No one could steal your spotlight,” her mom kissed her forehead then exited the bathroom.

“Hopefully Spencer will notice me tonight.”

“Spencer? Isn’t he your best friend?”

“No. Roger’s my best friend. Spencer is my crush.”

Spencer and Roger were both in my dance class along with Katie and I had noticed that she was crushing pretty hard on Spencer but I noticed Roger definitely had feelings for her and she was starting to feel the same way. She denied having feelings for her best friend but I could see something was there between them and it was more than friendship.

“That Spencer still hasn’t asked you out?”

“Nope. Maybe if he sees me like this he will.”

“Girl don’t make yourself crazy over a guy. I did the same thing for Ryan and look where it got me. Just have a really good time tonight and if he does ask you out or not don’t worry about it because there are plenty of boys out there. And one guy will be the one for you someday.”

She hugged me and said, “Thanks cousin. And there’s a guy out there for you too just keep looking.”

“Awe thanks Kate but I’ve decided against getting married. I don’t need to be married to be happy.”

The guests started showing up in droves and I played photographer because Katie wanted pictures with each of her guests when they arrived. A long line was forming but everyone was excited for the party.

At exactly 6 Nick called me.

“We’re all here where are you?”

“I’m taking pictures for Kate but I’ll be right out. Stay in the car.”

I handed the camera over to my twin and ran outside.

I sneaked BSB into an unoccupied room and promised I’d be back with food.

The sight of me making up six plates of food and hustling five of them out of the room must have been comical and suspicious.

“Kalie… what are you doing?” Katie asked.

“Don’t worry about it. Just go back to your friends.”

She stood with her hands on her hips giving me that “tell me look” on her face.

“Git! Go back to your friends. You can’t know what’s in this room until after your special persons dance.”

“Fine,” she walked away and I made sure she wasn’t watching when I delivered the food. At 5 minutes to 7 I slipped back into the waiting room and brought the Boys their masks.

“Don’t take these off until I tell Katie the real surprise. And you guys know the line up right?”

“Masquerade then you’re going to reveal us then we bring Kev out and sing Hey Mr. DJ then a few more songs and then the DJ takes over from there right?” AJ asked.

“Correct! You guys ready?”

“Yes we are,” Kevin said, “Just one question. What is the birthday girl wearing?”

“You can’t miss her she’s the only one wearing all purple.”

“I’m guessing it’s her favorite color?”

I nodded my head.

“That would explain the purple ties. Good idea,” Brian said.

“Thanks again for doing this you guys.”

“It’s no problem Kalie. I have a feeling this will be fun,” Kevin said.

“Alright Boys. Follow me and let’s get on with the show.”

The Boys lined up behind the small stage and I gave a thumbs up to the DJ and he announced, “At this time may all of Katie’s dancers and back up dancers please grab a mask and take your places on the dance floor. It’s time to start this party!”

BSB took their places in front of the DJ and I took mine next to Mark who was my partner for the Masquerade video. Katie took her place in the center of the dance floor in the middle of all her friends and cousins. She looked at the Boys still not knowing it was them and smiled at me.

“You’re right Kay. They do look really good!”

“If only you knew!” I thought to myself.

Katie gave a signal and the over head lights were replaced with the colored lights the DJ supplied and the music started.

Once Nick started singing the opening verse of Masquerade Katie and her dancers, including Kasey, Trish, Mark and myself, started our routine and my uncle Keith got everything on video. Kalie’s friends were having a blast watching the dancers and Katie was already having the time of her life dancing with Roger.

When the song ended I went up to the stage and Nick handed me a microphone.

“How’s everybody doing tonight?” The room became filled with shouts and clapping, “Sounds like everyone’s doing well and is ready to party hardy Smith style in honor of our birthday girl Katie! Cousin I have something to tell you. These guys up here aren’t BSB impersonators,” the guys removed their masks and I continued, “They’re the real thing!”

Katie was frozen with surprise.

“What?!” she squeaked out.

“Surprise Katie!” I said and smiled at her.

“This can’t be real! The Backstreet Boys can’t be at my sweet 16!”

“It’s real cousin! Tell her boys.”

“It’s really us Katie,” Brian said, “Your cousin here has done us many favors and we had to return them. She told us how big of a fan you are and we jumped at the chance to surprise you.”

“Also this is our way of thanking you for being such a big fan,” Howie added.

“So thanks for keeping the Backstreet Pride alive Katie and happy sweet 16!” the four said in unison.

Katie started jumping around with her best friend Shannon and they started chanting, “Ohmygod BSB is here! Ohmygod BSB is here!

“Now before you get too excited Katie we have one more surprise for you,” Nick said.

“We have a feeling you know who this is but let’s bring him out anyway,” AJ added.

Kevin walked on stage with his mask on and when he removed it Katie let out a loud, ecstatic scream!

“Holy crap it’s Kevin!”

“Hi Katie,” Kevin waved at her and she stared at him and waved back.

“When Kalie told me it was your sweet 16 and that you were one of my biggest fans I figured I would return the favor and thank you for being my fan by showing up tonight! But also I heard that you want to make your own music video for Hey Mr. DJ so,” he turned to the DJ and asked, “Hey Mr. DJ, would you please play that song for Katie?”

Katie snapped out of the shocked state she was in just in time to take her spot next to me and Roger so she could perform the routine for Hey Mr. DJ. Nick took his place as my partner when Mark joined his girlfriend Lacey.

***Nick’s Point of View***

Hey Mr. DJ was the 1st song that made me think Kalie was having feelings for me. She was dancing so close to me and looked at me with this indescribable look in her eyes. Grant it all the couples who knew the choreography were dancing closely but Kalie had never danced like that with me before. As I sang the chorus of the song I wished it to be true. I really wanted to go up to the DJ and tell him to keep playing this song over and over for me because she was in my arms. Maybe tonight will be the night to tell her.

***Kalie’s Point of View***

I had to laugh when Kevin moved closer to Katie then actually cut in between her and Roger so he could dance with the birthday girl. I don’t think her smile could’ve gotten any bigger. She continued to wear that smile when Roger picked up the choreography with her again. I was so happy for her and still so amazed that BSB did this for my cousin.

The Boys surprised me by performing the entire set of the This Is Us tour for Katie. The entire set was composed of her favorite songs and she was being serenaded and danced with her favorite band of all time on her sweet 16! She was so lucky!

This Is Us Concert Set List                  

Backstreet’s Back (with Kevin)

We’ve Got It Going On (with Kevin)

PDA

Quit Playing Games With My Heart (with Kevin)

As Long As You Love Me (with Kevin)

This Is Us

Show Me The Meaning Of Being Lonely (with Kevin)

All I Have To Give (with Kevin)

She’s A Dream

A medley of The Call and The One (with Kevin)

Bigger

Shape of My Heart (with Kevin)

I Want it That Way (with Kevin)

More Than That (with Kevin)

Undone

Incomplete (with Kevin)

All Of Your Life

Larger Than Life (with Kevin)

Bye Bye Love

Straight Through My Heart

After they performed Straight Through My Heart they turned the party over to the DJ to complete the rest of Katie’s play list.

***Nick’s Point of View***

Katie’s friends knew how to party. They stayed on the dance floor throughout our entire set and when the DJ took over to finish the party they continued to dance right up to the last song. It looked like all of the guests were having a genuine good time and I knew I was having a ball being Kalie’s date.

Toward the middle of the night I stepped outside onto the terrace while Kalie helped touch up Katie’s hair and makeup. Shannon and Roger were standing out on the terrace talking.

I started listening to the conversation when I heard Roger say, “I think Kate and I would be the perfect couple and I know I have feelings for her but I don’t know if she feels the same about me. I don’t get why she keeps falling for that jerk Spencer when all he is is a dirty lying cheat! I could be such a better boyfriend. I would never hurt Katie but yet she’s my best friend and I can’t risk losing her because we didn’t work out as a couple.”

“You won’t ever lose Katie,” Shannon said. “She needs you in her life and she would never let anything ruin your friendship. I think she has the same feelings for you but she’s just not showing them. Besides Spencer didn’t even show up tonight even though he promised. Plus he’s dating that slut Shelly so he’s probably getting it every time he sees her and is satisfied with her right now. You know how innocent Kate is and you know how sexual Spencer is, it would never work anyway.”

“But I don’t know if I should tell her or not. I…I just don’t know,” Roger confessed.

“Tell her,” I interjected.

Roger and Shannon looked at me and I continued, “You should tell her how you’re feeling. And make it soon before she slips out of your reach. I never told the girl I had strong feelings for and I lost her. It tore my heart because she was stolen from me by a jerk who just wrecked her mentally and physically. I still regret not telling her. Besides Katie’s feelings might not be showing just yet but who knows maybe if u tell her she’ll open up to you and soon feel the same way about you.”

“He’s right Rog,” Shannon said, “Tell Kate.”

“Alright then I’ll tell her… tonight.”

We saw Kalie and Katie returning from the bathroom and the three of us headed back into the party.

Kalie and I had taken a break from dancing to talk to a few of her cousins. Then You and Me by Lifehouse came on.

“May I have this dance?” I asked extending my hand to my best friend.

“You are my date, I guess so,” she joked and took my hand. We settled close to Katie and Roger and started to slow dance.

“Look at them!” Kalie said to me, “They look so happy together! Awe I really hope they start dating soon. They would be such a cute couple.”

“I hope we start dating soon,” I thought to myself. “She does seem happy with him,” I said aloud.

“Nick you’re not even looking at them. You’re like staring me down.”

“Sorry. I guess I’m just… caught by how good you look in this dress.”

She blushed a little, “Oh stop sweet talker.”

“It’s true Kay. You look smoking.”

“Thanks Kaos…” she changed the subject, “I haven’t heard this song in a while.”

“Me neither. But it’s a good song.”

I looked into her deep brown eyes and started singing the lyrics to her hoping that something would connect, “One of the things that I wanna say just aren’t coming out right.

I spun her at, “True thing I know, you’ve got my head spinning. I don’t know where to go from here.”

She spun back to me and I sang the rest of the song with passion and emotion when she stared at me with those gorgeous brown eyes, “Cause it's you and me and all other people with nothing to do, nothing to prove. And it's you and me and all other people and I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you. There's something about you now. I can't quite figure out
everything she does is beautiful, everything she does is right. You and me and all other people
with nothing to do, nothing to lose. And it's you and me and all other people and I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you and me and all other people with nothing to do
nothing to prove and it's you and me and all of the people and I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you. What day is it? And in what month this clock never seemed so alive.”

I really couldn’t keep my eyes off of her and she was so beautiful and perfect. I felt like we were the only two in the room yet I knew about the other guests at the party.

The song ended and Kalie hugged me, well more like squeezed me.

She looked up at me and smiled.

“What was that for?” I asked.

She shrugged, “I just wanted to hug my best friend that’s all.”

I smiled at her then the DJ played Down by Jay Sean featuring Lil Wayne and everyone hit the dance floor hard.

“I love this song!” Kalie exclaimed. Again we danced closely grinding together. We were both having a great time and she was exciting me. She was getting low while I was getting high from her moves and beauty. I have never seen her have so much fun and such a bright smile.

“That’s it,” I thought to myself, “I’m going to tell her right after this song.”

Down ended and I grabbed Kalie’s hand and asked, “Can I talk to you out on the terrace real quick?”

“Sure.”

Once I closed the terrace door behind me I spoke up, “Kalie I need to tell you something.”

“What is it Nick?”

“I feel like we only have tonight, I mean I only have tonight to say this to you…”

“Nick, what?”

“Kalie, you outta know that tonight is the night to let it go and put on a show because I want to see how you lose control. So leave it behind as we have a night to get away. So come on and fly with me as we make our great escape.”

Kalie giggled, “Nick, you brought me out here to recite lyrics to me?”

“No I… I actually brought you out here to ask if you would like to go out on a date with me.”

She was shocked, “What?”

“I mean an actual date Kalie. Just you and me on a traditional date.”

“Nick I can’t.”

My heart dropped, “Why not?”

“You’re my best friend Nick. I don’t want our friendship to be ruined by us dating and breaking up. You know I haven’t had the best luck with boyfriends lately. I don’t want to chance it. If I was having better luck I…I…never mind. I’m sorry Nick. I just really don’t want to chance it.”

She realized how disappointed I was, “Oh Nick. I’m sorry. Do you hate me? I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings like that.”

“I don’t hate you. But you’re right… I don’t want our friendship to be ruined either.”

“Are you sure you’re not mad at me?”

“I’m sure I’m not. Let’s go back inside. I think they’re bringing out the cake.”

BSB started singing Happy Birthday to Katie and everyone joined in. The birthday girl blew out her candles and was handed a microphone.

“I just wanted to thank all of you for coming and making my night so special. First I would like to thank the Backstreet Boys for surprising me on my sweet 16. You guys are awesome! You really are the absolute best! To all of my friends who actually showed up thank you so much for having a good time tonight. It wouldn’t have been a party without all of you. I love all of you guys so much! I have a feeling the music videos will be amazing and thanks for dancing to BSB with me. I also wanted to say that I have the best family a girl like me could ever wish for. Thanks so much for supporting me in everything I have done, did and will do. I love you all very much. And speaking of family I’d really like to single out my cousin Kalie. She was the one who got BSB to perform for me. Kayl that was the best surprise ever and you’re the best cousin ever! Today is not only my birthday but it’s also Kalie’s. So Kalie come over here we have a cake for you too! Surprise!”

“Awe! Thanks Katie!” Kalie exclaimed.

“Let’s sing happy birthday to Kalie!” Katie suggested.

BSB once again started the song and all the guests joined in.

After cake Katie was presented with a few presents.

Shannon and Rodger came up to their best friend and handed her an envelope.

“I hope you like it Kate,” Roger said.

Katie opened the envelope and exclaimed, “It’s a ticket for a BSB concert! Holy crap!”

“And you’re not going alone! Rog and I are going too!” Shannon added.

Katie screamed then hugged her best friends, “Thanks you guys! I love you both!”

Next her parents stepped up with another envelope.

“This is from the entire Smith family,” her dad informed.

Katie was speechless as she looked at the contents of the package but answered excitedly when someone asked what the gift was, “They’re VIP tickets to the same BSB concert!  Holy shit! Thank you so much! This is the best night of my life!”

She hugged each of her guests as they left and soon the only ones left were a few family members and her two best friends.

BSB and I were helping clean up when Katie came up to us and said, “Excuse me Backstreet?”

We turned around and smiled at her.

“Hey birthday girl!” AJ said, “Did you enjoy your birthday tonight?”

“It was by far one of the best nights of my life! I just wanted to thank you so, so much for making it this special.”

“It was our pleasure,” Brian said.

“I also wanted to thank you guys for being who you are and for making such amazing music. I also wanted to thank you guys, especially Kevin, for writing and singing Never Gone. That song got my entire family through a very tough time and we are all greatly thankful for that special song. It means a lot to the Smith family.”

“You’re welcome Katie. I’m glad our music gave you and your family some relief in tough times,” Kevin replied.

Before we left, we each gave Katie a hug and kiss and said our last Happy Birthdays to her. Then we took a picture with her, Shannon and Roger. Then we signed the poster her uncle made.

Kalie came up to us after the picture and said, “Thank you so much Backstreet! You have made my cousin so happy! I don’t think she’ll ever stop smiling!”

“Like Bri said before it was our pleasure,” said Howie.

“Besides we owed you a favor because you’re such a good friend to us,” AJ said.

“Well thanks again. I couldn’t thank you enough!”

“You could thank us by letting us crash at your place tonight,” I suggested.

“You have yourselves a place to crash. Let me help clean up and we’ll hit the road.” 

Chapter 28 You Need Love

***Nick’s Point of View***

The next day I got the chance to sit Kalie down after BSB left and I tried to convince her to give us a chance.

“So can we go on that date tonight?”

She let out an exasperated sigh, “You’re not going to let this go are you?”

“Just give it a try Kayl.”

“But I don’t want to give it a try! I don’t want to mess up our friendship that we’ve had for so long. You know me and my luck with relationships. They all end in disaster.”

“How about this… lets go out on a half date. It won’t even be a real date. I’ll just take you out to lunch and maybe a movie or to the park or whatever you like. It will also be my birthday present to you. Come on Kayl. Just give this half date a try and if it feels too awkward we don’t have to move any further and I’ll stop pursuing you. Just give it one try. Please? I promise I’ll be the perfect gentleman.”

She looked down at the ring I had given her for her sweet 16 and hesitated before answering, “Ok I’ll go on this half date with you.”

“Perfect! What time do you want to go to lunch?”

“How about 12:30? Gives us half an hour. I have to shower.”

“That’s fine with me. Park afterward?”

“Sounds like fun Nick.”

“Alright then. I’ll meet you in the living room in half an hour,” I chuckled.

She laughed her reply, “Ok Kaos.”

She climbed the stairs and I fished in my bag for a nicer looking shirt.

I took her to a local café we used to go to all the time when we were younger. Lunch was filled with a lot of laughs and smiles and we found each other getting lost in the other’s eyes. Whenever Kalie caught herself gazing into my eyes she would quickly look away and start to blush. She was being shy and nervous. In a way it was cute to see her like that yet it made me uneasy because she never acted like that around me before.

After I paid the check we walked through the park across the street from the café.

“Let’s go sit on the swings for a little bit,” Kalie suggested.

She and I started swinging slowly together and I spoke up, “I’ve been wanting to ask you something for a while now but I was never really sure when to ask you but here it goes… do you think you’ll ever get married?”

“No. Not after Ryan… what about you? What do you see happening in the future?”

“Well I see me making more and more music both with the guys and solo but I’m not sure if I’m the marrying type to be honest.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t think marriage is worth all the trouble… not after seeing my parents going through that nasty divorce.”

“Oh… I can understand that.”

“What about the near future?” I asked, “Could you see you and us becoming more than just friends?”

“I think I could, I mean look at how Dan and Tally, and Mich and Chris turned out but I don’t want to date you. If you haven’t noticed all my previous relationships end in disaster. I don’t want to ruin so many years of our friendship. And it seems like every guy I date changes drastically. I don’t know what I do to make them change but I don’t want you to change because of me. You’re a great guy Nick, one of the best I know and it would kill me to see you change because of me.”

“But Kalie it’s me you’re talking about, it’s us you’re talking about. I’m the same old Nick and you’re the same old Kalie. You did nothing wrong to make those ass wholes you’ve dated change. None of those disasters were your fault. None of them! Kalie let me prove that there is someone out there that will actually care for you and love you. Let me be that someone. At least let me try.”

She started to become very upset and she said, “Nickolas I don’t want to try! I mean I do but I can’t take that chance. I can’t take that chance of you changing and I don’t want to see you change. Nick please promise me you’ll be my best friend like you always have been and understand that I can’t fall in love with you. I just can’t. I can’t do that to you.”

She started crying and I brought her into my arms.

“I’ll always be your best friend. You’ll never have to worry about that I promise. And I promise nothing horrible will happen between us if we do start dating. I would never do that to you. You’re my best friend and I love you for being my best friend and I can’t imagine my life without you being my bestie. Just do me a favor and think about possibly moving forward… with me.”

***Kalie’s Point of View***

That night I dreamed of Nick and I.

We were walking through a park, holding hands, when all of a sudden all of my ex boyfriends approached us. They were all holding baseball bats in their hands and looked like they were waiting for a fight to break out.

Nick pushed me behind him to protect me as my exes, all of them from my first boyfriend Paul to Jasper and Ryan, ganged up on Nick and started to beat him fiercely. Jasper and Ryan broke away from the pack, grabbed me and started to drag me away. I screamed for Nick.

Something miraculous happened to him. It seemed like he was given the strength of 10 men when he heard my screams. He fought off all of my exes who were beating him with the wooden bats. Most of them fell to the floor after Nick threw these supernatural punches.

Ryan has holding me roughly and was kissing my neck but his saliva felt like acid burning my skin. I started to protest and Jasper started to slowly pull down my pants.

Nick was a blur as he ran over to me and knocked out both Jasper and Ryan and caught me before I fell to the ground. Nick became some type of superhero yet when he brought me into his arms he was the same old Nick. My breathing became heavy when I noticed Nick’s face getting closer and closer to mine. When our lips met I woke up.

I rolled over to glance at my alarm clock which read 4 am. That gave me 3 hours before I had to get up and ready for work. As I settled down to try and get more sleep I started thinking about my future with my best friend. Was Nick the one to protect me from my past? Was my best friend the one who actually loved me?

About a week later Nick and I were invited to a date night with our besties. The six of us decided on one of the fancier restaurants so I had no choice but to get dressed up.

I had just slipped on the dress I wore to Katie’s sweet 16 when Nick rang my door bell.

“What are you doing here so early? I still have half an hour to get ready.”

“I’m sorry I’m early but I really need to talk to you.”

“Ok come on in. I’m almost ready anyway. I just have to throw on some makeup and straighten my hair.”

He followed me up to my room and sat on the foot of my bed as I sat in front of my dresser mirror.

“So what do you want to talk to me about?”

“Have you thought about us at all?”

I hesitated before answering, “I have. I actually had a dream about you and I.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. You were some super hero and you saved me from my past boyfriends.”

“So do you want me to make your dream a reality?”

“You know how I feel about us moving forward.”

“Oh come on Kalie let’s be lovers. Girl you know I’ll be faithful, true and honest forever.”

“Nick I just can’t.”

“I know you’ve been hurt but you really need to give us a chance.”

“Nick it’s not going to work. My mind is set.”

“I need to know… can I be the one you trust? I’ll be your friend. I’ll give you all of the things you dream of. Tell me… can I be your man?”

“Nickolas you already do give me all the things I dream of just by being my bestie. It would hurt too much to see you change.”

“There’s a wound I wanna heal, it’s that whole in your heart. If you’re willing I’ll be here to fix the broken. Let me change the life you live.”

“Nickolas please stop.”

“You need love Kayl and I could be the one to give it to you. And please don’t change the way you are. You’re perfect. Soon you’ll find you’ll live within my heart. You deserve it, you know it. You’ve been searching for it all of your life. Kay you need love.”

I stopped straightening my hair and looked at Nick in my mirror behind me.

“Nick…” I started, “I really do want to try because I do think there could be something more between us but… oh god Nick I can’t go through another heart break… especially with you.”

“Kay babe,” he got up and placed his hands on my shoulders, “You won’t go through another heart break with me.”

I turned my head to look at his hand.

He bent down and whispered in my ear, “I promise.”

“Let’s see how tonight goes.”

The triple date went better than I expected. Nick was the perfect gentleman like he always was and people asked if we were actually dating. I guess I was looking for flaws in him or something about him to turn me off but who was I kidding? Nick was perfect! He was hot as hell, sounded like an angel, treated me with so much respect and he knew me like nobody else did. And that look he had in his eyes when he held my stare, it made those butterflies flutter around in my stomach. I’m not sure but I think that was the night that helped me figure out that Nick would never change and that maybe I was falling for my best friend.

A few days went by and Nick and I went on a few more dates. It was still a little awkward for me to be feeling this way about him but I knew I could be myself around him. I just still couldn’t believe I was falling, hard and fast, for my best friend.

One night Michelle invited all of our besties over to have dinner and hang out. We tried to watch some movie but instead we played Truth or Dare.

“Ok it’s my turn,” Michelle said. “Nick truth or dare?”

“Dare.”

Michelle looked at him and smiled, “I dare you to kiss Kay where ever you want to.”

My heartbeat started to quicken as Nick got up from the couch across from me and stood in front of me. He got down to my level and started leaning toward me. I was starting to quiver as Nick inched closer to me in slow motion. He was going to kiss my lips but at the last possible second kissed my cheek. He must have sensed my nerves. The room seemed tense and I knew everyone wanted us to kiss.  

He was driving me home one night from a date and my ipod was plugged into his radio system. It was on shuffle and just before he pulled into my drive way How Did I Fall In Love With You came on. The both of us sang the song subconsciously to each other.

He walked me to my door and said, “Good night Kayl. I had a really good time tonight.”

“I did too. Good night.”

Before he turned toward his car he kissed my cheek and smiled at me.

That smile made my heart skip a beat and smile back.

That night I couldn’t stop thinking of Nick as I was falling asleep. And the lyrics of How Did I Fall In Love With You kept playing in my head.

Remember when, we never needed each other
The best of friends like
Sister and Brother
We understood, we'd never be,
Alone

Those days are gone, and now I want you so much
The night is long and I need your touch
Don't know what to say
I never meant to feel this way
Don't want to be
Alone tonight

chorus:
What can I do, to make you mine
Falling so hard so fast this time
What did I say, what did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?

I hear your voice
And I start to tremble
Brings back the child that, I resemble

I cannot pretend, that we can still be friends
Don't want to be,
Alone tonight

chorus:
What can I do, to make you mine
Falling so hard so fast this time
What did I say, what did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?

Bridge:
Ooh I want to say this right
And it has to be tonight
Just need you to know, oh yeah

I don't want to live this lie
I don't want to say goodbye
With you I wanna spend
The rest of my life

chorus:
What can I do, to make you mine
Falling so hard so fast this time
What did I say, what did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?

What can I do, to make you mine
Falling so hard so fast this time
Everything's changed, we never knew

How did I fall, in love, with you?”

            I also had another dream about him.

            Apparently we had gone steady and I had moved in with him. One second in my dream he was the same old Nick then the next he morphed into this hideous monster right in front of my eyes.

He screamed at me, “Look what you did to me! You made me change Kalie! You did this to me!”

The nightmare played in a continuous loop all night except the boy changed each time. The worst being Dylan, Jasper and Ryan.

I woke up from the series of nightmares contradicting my feelings about Nick. Maybe it would be better for both of us to remain just friends.

The next day Nick came over to hang out and swim in my pool. We were just splashing around and enjoying each other. It reminded me of the I Got You music video shoot.

Then he hits me with a ton of bricks by asking, “Will you go steady with me?”

“Nick I… I,” my dreams from the previous nights rushed back to me and made me scramble for what I wanted to say, “I’m too scared to say yes or no.”

“I know you’ve got a million reasons to run and hide. I don’t blame you for being scared. I’m fully aware of all the pain those guys have caused you, right now it could be a novel long.”

“I know you’re aware of it. You’ve been there for me through it all.”

“I could change the story’s ending to me and you. I don’t know the meaning of pretending what to do. We should just go steady.”

“Nick… I can’t. I’m so haunted by my past it’s unbearable! I mean I still have pictures of Ryan and I all over the place. I just can’t get rid of them and I can’t get rid of him.”

“Just box up all those photographs, you’re moving on Kayl. And I can flip back over that hour glass and refill the better half.”

“But my heart has been broken so many times… I don’t think it would mend after another disaster,” tears started to roll down my face.

Nick came closer and lifted my chin so we were looking in each other’s eyes, “It’s a miracle how broken hearts can mend. So won’t you dry up all those tear drops and start again?”

“What about your music carrier? I’ll be left alone when you go on tour. Bad things happen when boyfriends leave me at home alone.” 

“What if I could show you there’s no risk of being left alone? Would you let your past go? I’ll take it slow. There’s no need to rush when I know that I could be the one to give you all my love. Just forget what they have done to you. I’m here now. Open up to me. Love will set you free. If you believe in forever, please believe in me.”

“I’m trying to believe but…”

He came behind me and pointed to our reflection in the pool, “Look Kalie we seem to morph together. This is us honey. This could be love.”

I thought about how happy Nick made me and how I could be myself around him and how many promises he kept.

“What do you say? Will you be my girlfriend?”

I turned around and looked into his eyes, “Yes I’ll be your girlfriend.”

He excitedly smiled then grabbed my waist and brought me closer. He crashed his lips against mine and I swear I felt fireworks.   

Chapter 29 Ashes Of Your Past

            It took two weeks for me to truly fall for Nick. My feelings for him grew stronger and stronger every single day. I tried to say “I love you” to him but I couldn’t bring myself to say those words just yet. It still felt awkward. I guess he felt awkward too because he didn’t say it to me. Yet Nick kept his promise and took everything slow which was a much needed and appreciated break from the fast paced relationships I was used to.

            He came over one night and we barbequed on my fire pit in the back yard. While we were roasting marshmallows for dessert I brought out a box and set it down next to the fire.

            “What’s that?” he asked stuffing a marshmallow into his mouth.  

            “Pictures I want to burn.”

            I sat down next to him and started looking at the pictures.  

            “Why are you looking at them when you want to burn them?”

            “I just want to see them one more time and make sure I want to get rid of them.”

            He grabbed a handful from the box and flipped through them then handed them to me. I picked out a few here and there that ended up in the box by accident. The others I tossed into the flames. They were pictures of all my exes mostly Dylan, Jasper, and Ryan. I found it somewhat funny that I had taken the most pictures of the boys who hurt me the most.

            As I looked through the pictures all the good memories started to flood back to me but the bad memories would consume the good quickly. That’s when I would toss the picture into the small fire. That process made me very upset but Nick hadn’t noticed it until I got to the pictures of Ryan.

            When the last picture was eaten by the flames I was no longer able to control my emotions. Nick wrapped his arms around my shoulder and pushed me into his chest. He whispered into my ear, “They’re all gone now. Nothing but ashes of your past. I’m here now.” He kissed my forehead and I wiped away my tears. He held me like that until the flames started to die down. Nick was comforting me by just being there. I finally felt like everything was going to be ok… now that Nick and I were together.

            Nick had wanted to take me out somewhere special for a long time but he didn’t know where to take me. Before he left the night we burned the pictures we set up a date and Nick advised that I get fancied up. So the next day around 11 am I was getting ready for our 11:30 date. I was cutting it close but I was having a good hair day and decided to do my hair and makeup 1st then slip on my favorite purple dress just before Nick came so he could help me zip it up.

I had just finished with my makeup when I heard the front door open.

“Hello?” I called over the banister.  No reply came so I walked down the stairs.

“What the fuck are you doing here Ryan?!”

“Well hello to you too Kalie.”

“Get the fuck out!”

“I came to get you back baby. I miss you like crazy. I can’t live without you.”

“Well I can live without you! Get out now! Ryan get out of here! I don’t want you back! You’re not for me! Just leave! I never want to see you again! I never want to be with you ever again! You broke my heart! I thought you were different but I was wrong! Just leave!”      

He walked over to me and grabbed my arm bringing me inches from him. He got in my face and I could smell the over powering scent of alcohol on his breath. He stared hard into my eyes and said with grinding teeth, “If I can’t have you no one will!”

I felt something hard start to poke through my stomach. I looked down and my eyes widened with horror! Ryan was holding a gun to my stomach and was slowly pushing it deeper into my skin. I stared to push him away and plead, “Ryan! Please stop! Don’t do this to me! Please don’t do this!”

“This is the only way I can have you Kalie!”

“Ryan don’t!” I tried to push him away from me as I stumbled backward but he gripped my arm tightly and continued to inch the gun closer and closer to me. My heart was pounding in my chest and beads of sweat were trickling down my forehead as tears blurred my vision.

***Nick’s Point Of View***

I had pulled into the drive way and saw Ryan’s car. I stepped closer to the house and found the front door wide open. The only thought that ran through my mind was, “Kalie! That little fucker better not be laying a hand on my girlfriend!”

I ran into the house with pure adrenaline coursing through my veins.

***Kalie’s Point Of View***

Ryan’s finger was ready on the trigger when someone tackled him to the ground. Just as Ryan hit the floor I heard the gun fire and felt an immense pain on my right side. Then my world went blurry.

***Nick’s Point Of View***

“YOU MOTHER FUCKER!” I wrestled with Ryan and exerted all my strength into the fight. I was trying my hardest to pry the gun from his hands but the bastard wouldn’t let go. I finally got the gun pointed away from me and now it was pointing toward Ryan’s forehead.

He smiled a devilish smile at me and hissed, “Why are you wasting all your energy on me when yourprecious Kalie needs her knight in shining armor?”

“CAUSE I WANT TO FUCKING KILL YOU!”

He hackled then replied, “You don’t have to worry about doing that.”

I heard something in the gun click then Ryan looked over at Kalie and said, “Kalie baby wait for me on the other side! I’m coming! We could finally live together forever!”

The next thing I know he pulled the trigger and blew his own brains out. I jumped off his lifeless body with my hands shaking and my heart pounding with fear. Then I glanced at Kalie who was lying lifeless on the floor.

***Kalie’s Point of View***

            I lay on the cold hard wood floor for God knows how long. My vision started to blur but I remember seeing a figure with golden blonde hair kneel over me.

The pain coming from my side was becoming unbearable and my eyelids were feeling like heavy pieces of metal. I wanted to close my eyes thinking that when I opened them again all my pain would vanish and this whole horrible ordeal would have never existed.

I closed my eyes but the blurred figure screamed, “Kalie! No! Stay with me! Don’t go anywhere Kayl stay with me!”

I slowly opened my eyes and focused on the blonde haired figure. When my vision cleared I saw it was my boyfriend.

I whispered meekly, “Nick?”

“Yes Kalie it’s me. You have to stay with me babe ok?”

“But it hurts so bad!”

He ripped off his shirt and tied it around my waste.

“Ouch!”

“I’m sorry Kay but you’re losing so much blood. You have to promise me you’ll stay with me. You can’t go anywhere. And you have to keep your eyes open at least until the ambulance and police come.”

“I’ll try Nick. They feel so heavy.”

My lids started to close and Nick brought me into his arms, “Kalie! You can’t do this! You’re my best friend! I can’t live without you! Kalie don’t do this to me! Don’t do this to us! I need you Kalie!  I love you!”

“I love you too Nick. And I’ll always be here,” I placed my hand weakly on his left peck, “in your heart.” He grabbed my hand and kissed it.

“Don’t go!” he pleaded.

“And you’ll always be here,” I pointed to my own chest, “in my heart.”

I looked up at him one more time and smiled slightly with the last bit of strength I had left. Then my eyes closed.

“NO! KALIE!” I heard him scream then felt him kiss all over my face. “Don’t leave me! I can’t live without you Kalie I love you! I love you so much!” He then kissed my lips. I wanted to kiss him back; I wanted to scream to him, “I love you more than you know!” but I couldn’t even move the tiniest muscle in my limp body. I wanted to let him know that I really did love him more than my just best friend.

I started to lose consciousness and the last thing I thought was, “If I am going to die, at least I’m in Nick’s arms.”

***Nick’s Point of View***

            I cried over her body until the EMTS came and placed her into the ambulance.

“Are you family?” one EMT asked me.

“No but I am her boyfriend.”

“Is there any family living nearby that could go with her?”

“They’re all at work but I’m here! I love her! I have to go with her! Let me go with my best friend!”

“Ok sir. Get in and try to remain calm.”

Once we got to the hospital I called Mrs. Smith who worked there so she was in the emergency room in a matter of minutes. Once she saw the blood on my hands she broke down.

“I t…tried stopping the blood,” I explained.

“Thank God you were there Nickolas! Who knows what would have happened if you weren’t! She has a better chance of surviving because of you!” she paused when Mr. Smith, Kalie’s siblings, and our best friends, including Mark and Lacey, rushed over to us.

“What’s going on with my baby?” Mr. Smith asked. He looked down at the blood on my hands and screamed in my face, “What happened to Kalie?! If you did this I swear I’ll…”

“Daddy calm down it was Ryan who did this not Nick!” Kim got between the two of us.

“Dad, Nick was the one who called the ambulance! She could have been lying in her own pool of blood if it wasn’t for Nick!” Kyle stood up for me.

“I’m sorry Nick. I’m just in shock that this is happening to my baby girl!” a tear ran down his cheek.

“It’s alright Mr. Smith, I’m in shock too.”

“We’re all in shock,” Crystal sobbed.

“Any news on her?” Michelle asked wiping a tear from her face.

“Not yet,” Mrs. Smith sniffled.

“We just got here a few minutes ago,” I said.

A half an hour passed by and a few cops came over to us to ask us questions. I had to tell them every excruciating detail that I witnessed. One cop noticed the bruises and cuts I had on my arms from fighting with Ryan. That little fucker was clawing the shit out of my arms and even bit me three times. The cop called over a nurse and she pulled me into an examining room to clean me up and give me a shirt.

I didn’t want to go with the nurse because I wanted to be there to hear any update about Kalie.

“I don’t care about me! I care about Kalie! Once I hear about her then I’ll take care of myself!”

“Nickolas Gene Carter! You will go get yourself cleaned up right this instant! You have done all you can do for Kalie at the very moment and we don’t need both of you to be in the hospital at the same time. Go with the nurse!” I stood still and stared at Mrs. Smith who just yelled at me.

I looked around and Kasey commented, “If Kalie was here right now she would scream at you to go with the nurse.”

Kim looked up at me, “Go with the nurse. For Kalie.”

“Fine. For Kalie.” I followed the nurse into the room and once I slipped the clean shirt over my head and was all bandaged up I ran back out to the waiting room because a doctor was talking to Kalie’s parents.

I got there just in time to hear the doctor say, “She has lost a lot of blood and we are bandaging the wound now. We are also giving her blood but right now it will be a miracle if she does pull through this.”

“NO! MY BABY COULD DIE! KEN THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING!” Mr. Smith brought his wife into his arms and cried with her.

I fell to my knees and broke down. Mark, Lacey, Michelle, Crystal, Dan and Chris huddled around me in a group hug as Kim, Kyle, and Kasey huddled around their parents.

We all sobbed for a long while until Kyle pulled himself away from the rest of his siblings and parents. He sat next to Melissa who grabbed his hand and he raised his head to the ceiling and pleaded, “Grandma, Grandpa, please keep Kalie safe. Please tell her to come back to us. Grandma, Grandpa, please tell her we all love her and want her to come back. We all can’t live without her!”

After what seemed like days the doctor came out and told us that Kalie was now in a coma and suggested that we all say our good byes now because no one knew how long she had left.

“Let’s go in a few of us at a time. This way we can each have our own time with her,” Crystal suggested.

“Then we can all stay with her tonight,” Dan suggested.

“That’s a good idea. Come on honey,” Mrs. Smith said solemnly, “let’s go see our baby girl.”

They walked arm in arm to her room and came back the same way after their sad visit with their daughter. Kim, Kyle, Kasey and their spouses went next.

When they came back, Michelle took my hand, “The six of us are going together. Do you want to go with us?”

“I want to go by myself if you don’t mind.”

“Hang in there Kaos,” Chris patted my shoulder.

“Knowing Kayl, she’ll pull through this,” Mark commented. 

Chapter 30 Let The World Know This Is Us

As soon as I saw the six of my best friends turn the corner when they returned, I jumped out of my seat and nearly ran to Kalie.

My heart felt like it was chipping away piece by piece when I saw her angelic body lying in the hospital bed.

I sat in the chair that was close to her bedside. Pushing it closer to her I took her hand. She was still warm which the doctors said was a good sign. They also said how she did during the first night would tell them if she would actually make it or not.

I stared at her face and said in a half whisper, “Kalie. I can’t believe out of all the people I know you are the one I’m saying this to. I don’t know where you are but I need you to come back. I can’t live without you Kay.”

I tried my hardest to hold back tears but I wasn’t strong enough.

“It’s killing me that I don’t know where you are. Your body is here but you can’t answer me, you can’t even open your eyes or smile at me. I need to see you smile at least one more time. A lifetime without your smile would be a lifetime without sunshine.  Kalie, I really want you to be here so I could tell you this face to face, so I could see your reaction and ask if you feel the same way but I need to tell you this while I have the chance.”

I took in a deep breath and brushed away the tears that escaped my eyes.

“Kalie, baby, I love you more than words can describe. You’re my fallen angel and my dream girl. You’re everything that I thought I wanted love to be but if you die, oh god Kalie! Everything will disappear from me if you do.”

I slipped my arm under her neck and brought my lips next to her ear, “You’re more than my best friend Kay; you’re the love of my life! Please don’t die on me! Come back baby. Come back!”

All my emoticons poured out in the form of tears. I kissed her forehead. Then, I don’t know why, but the scene from Snow White where the Prince kissed his princess and she came back to life played in my head. I kissed her lips thinking, hoping, that it would be the magical kiss to bring her back to life.

But of course she didn’t wake up after the kiss. She still lay there, looking as gorgeous as ever, in a coma.

I kissed her forehead one last time before I wiped my tears so I could bring the rest of the people waiting for Kalie back to the room.

Before I left the room I took one last look at her beautiful face as if to etch it into my mind. Something glimmered in the sunlight which peaked in from the window. It was the ring I gave her for her sweet 16.

I grabbed it from the bedside table and slid it onto the gold chain she gave me for my 18th birthday.

“I might as well keep a piece of you with me in case you don’t wake up.”

***Kalie’s Point Of View***

            I found myself standing in an endless, empty room and was suddenly blinded by this bright flash of white light. My eyes adjusted after the flash and I noticed two figures walking toward me.

“Grandma? Grandpa?”

“Yes deary it’s us,” my grandmother walked over to me and hugged me tightly. Then Grandpa took his turn to hug me.

“You have to go back honey,” Grandma sweetly said.

“What do you mean?”

“You’re in Heaven baby,” Grandpa answered. “Right now your body is laying in a hospital bed because you are in a coma. But it’s not your time to stay here. We brought you here to tell you that your family and friends need you back.”

“They asked us to protect you Kalie but you need to go back,” Grandma took my face in her hands, “You have so much life to live. Go back and live!”

“But I want to stay here with you! I miss you so much!”

“We miss you two Kalie but it’s not your time to be here,” Grandpa grabbed my hand. “There are people who love you down there and can’t live without you. You need to go back to them.”

“You especially need to go back to Nickolas,” Grandpa commented.

“What did you say?”

Grandma explained, “He loves you. And not just as a friend Kalie. You’re the love of his life and am I wrong when I say that he’s the love of yours?”

“No you’re right. I do love him more than he knows.”

“You need to tell him that,” Grandpa said. “So go back and tell him and live the rest of your life together. Do your grandmother and me a favor; go back and live a happy life with your family, friends and the love of your life.”

“But I want to stay here with you. I miss you two so much! And I hate that you’re not with me anymore.”

Grandpa hugged me again and reminded me, “Kalie baby, we are always with you, everyday. We’re never gone because we are in your heart.”

“Your grandfather’s right honey,” Grandma grabbed my hand, “As long as you promise us that you’ll keep us in your heart, we’ll be with you every step along the way.”

My eyes started to swell with tears, “I promise you both that I’ll keep you in my heart. I love you!”

“I love you too baby,” Grandpa kissed my forehead and hugged me.

“I love you Kalie and remember,” Grandma said as she hugged and kissed me for the last time, “You’ll see us somewhere down the road again.”

I turned and walked away from my beloved grandparents.

I found myself in darkness. Some soft sound floated to my ears. It was muffled at first but as I felt my heart beat stronger the sound got clearer and clearer.

It was Nick’s unmistakable voice! He was singing one of my favorite songs directly into my ear.

“Girl don’t stop,

The sun from shining down on me

Cause I can’t face another day without your smile

And if you take away the loving arms that surround me

Then I might break down and just like a child

Baby our love will last forever

I know that we will stay together

I love you so much

I need you so much

You’re my love

We’ll last forever

And if you take away the loving arms that surround me

Then I might break down and cry

Just like a child”

            I felt his tears hit the side of my face and his lips touch mine delicately. Just as he pulled his lips from mine I slowly opened my eyes and whispered with a weak voice, “Kaos what are you crying about?”

“You’re not waking up,” he sniffled.

“That’s not a reason for tears. And since when do you cry? I thought you were a big manly man.”

“Y…you don’t understand Kalie.” His eyes went wide as he looked at me, “Kalie?! My god you’re awake! Thank god you’re awake!”

He excitedly pecked my lips and all over the rest of my face and wrapped his arms around my waist and squeezed me. Then I winced from the sharp pain in my side but I was still laughing at his excitement. 

“Nick easy, my side hurts,” I half laughed, half winced.

“Oh shit I’m sorry! I forgot I’m just so thrilled you’re awake!” I laughed as he hugged me again just below my ribs this time.

“It’s ok bud. But where…”

I was interrupted by Nick’s question of, “How are you feeling?”

“My side hurts but I’m fine. Where am I though?”

“You’re in the hospital. I better go get your family and the rest of our crew. They’re going to be so relieved.” He ran out of the room and I heard him exclaim, “She’s awake! She’s awake!”

I shook my head and giggled.

My family and friends rushed into my room and all exclaimed, “Kalie! Kalie thank god you’re awake!”

They all hugged and kissed me one at a time and exclaimed how happy they were that I was back on earth.

“What happened to me?”

“That asshole Ryan shot you,” Kyle said with a lot of anger in his voice.

“You lost a lot of blood and went into a coma,” Mom answered.

“How long was I in the coma?”

“Three weeks,” Dad replied.

“Three long weeks,” Kim crooned.  

“What happened to Ryan?”

“He killed himself after he saw what he did to you,” answered Crystal.

“It’s a good thing he did because Nick wouldn’t be here right now if Ryan didn’t kill himself,” joked Chris.

Michelle laughed, “He’s right Kayl. Kaos would have been sitting in a jail cell if he was able to get his hands on that bastard.”

“Why would Ryan do this though?”

“He was drunk and had that ‘if I can’t have you no one will’ attitude,” Dan informed me.

“Oh yeah,” I sighed, “I remember now.”

“But what’s important is that you’re back safe and sound,” Crystal hugged me.

I hugged her back and smiled widely.

My mom grabbed my hand and squeezed it. When I returned the favor I realized the ring Nick gave me for my 16th birthday was missing.

“Where’s my ring?”

Nick showed me something around his neck. “I kept it safe for you.”

“Awe thank you Nick.” I smiled with relief and added, “You’re such a good friend.”

He grinned back. “I know I try.”

Carefully he unclasped the chain it was on and handed me the ring.

“You kept it on the chain I gave you.”

He grinned cutely at me, “I never take it off. I have worn it since the day you gave it to me.”

“No wonder why you two are best friends,” Kim chuckled.

“I’m so happy you’re back Kay but, where did you go?” my twin asked.

I smiled slightly, “I visited Grandma and Grandpa.”

“Really?!” my siblings said at the same time. My parents looked at each other then back at me.

I nodded my head, “They told me it wasn’t my time yet. They wanted me to come back but I wanted to stay with them.”

“What made you come back?” Nick asked in a near whisper.

I looked at him then at my family and answered, “They reminded me that as long as I keep them in my heart, they’ll always be with me and that I will see them somewhere down the road again. They reminded me that they will never be gone from my life. They also reminded me that all of you were back here waiting for me and that you all love me.”

I smiled at each of the faces surrounding me, looking at Nick last.

I gazed into his beautiful blue eyes and smiled, “They made me realize that I have a lot to live for.”

He took my hand and kissed it sweetly, “Thought you would never come back to us.”

“Oh come on Kaos you should know that I’m not that easy to get rid of.” Everyone in the room laughed.

Crystal nodded and said, “Yup Kay’s back!”

“Thank god she’s back,” Mark said. “I would’ve had to look for another dance partner.”

“What about Lacey?” I joked, “She’s a professional dancer too ya know.”

Lacey chuckled, “I’m not as good as you are though. And I wouldn’t dare trying to take over your job of teaching those kids.”

“Eh you would have done a fine job with them.”

“You better come back to the dance floor soon Kay,” Mark said.

“Oh I’ll be on the dance floor tomorrow.”

“No you won’t,” Mom interjected. “Even though the doctors removed the bullet that was lodged in between your ribs and stitched you back up, that wound is still going to hurt. Besides they’ll most likely keep you in here for a few more days to monitor you.”

“Ok, ok. How about this, I’ll be on the dance floor as soon as I can.”

“I’ll keep you to your word Kayl.”

“You know me Mark; I’ll stay true to my word.”

My visitors stayed for a while until my doctor came in to check my vitals.

“You are very lucky Kalie. The bullet stopped just before it hit any of your vital organs. And it’s a miracle that you woke up so quickly.  You must have a guardian angel watching out for you.”

“Two actually.”

“Well welcome back. I’m going to keep you here for a few more days to monitor you but you should be back on your feet in the upcoming week.”

“I will still be able to dance right?”

“Oh yes. You will have no restrictions what so ever. I’m going to go to my other patients so should I bring your family back in or do you want to rest.”

“No you can bring them in.”

Nick was the first to come in and stand by my side. Then my family and friends followed.

We talked about what I missed for a few minutes then I asked, “Could I get some time alone with Nick please?”

“Sure baby,” Mom said, “We’ll all be out in the waiting room if you need us.”

“Thanks Mom.”

“Actually I think Lacey and I are going to hit the road,” Mark commented. He hugged me again and said, “Welcome back Kayl. Get your legs ready to dance again.”

I laughed, “I will bud.”

“Feel better soon,” Lacey said as she hugged me too, “We’ll call to check up on ya tomorrow.”

“I think Dan and I are going home too,” Crystal said, “We’ll see you later hun.”

“Mich I think we should go too,” Chris said. “She needs to be with her family right now.”

My friends all hugged me, promised they would call the next day then left.

Once all my visitors left, Nick sat on the bed next to me. He held my hand, gazed into my eyes, and stroked the top of my head lovingly.

“You don’t know how happy I am that you’re awake. I don’t know what I would’ve done without my girl.”

“You would’ve lived.”

“No I wouldn’t have. I would’ve died from a broken heart if you didn’t wake up soon.”

“You’re such a sweet talker,” I joked.

He chuckled, “You’re already back to normal.”

“You bet. I never changed. A coma couldn’t shake Kalie Marie Smith.”

“Like dating you didn’t shake me. I didn’t change right?”

I smiled at him and placed my hand on the side of his face, “Thank you so much for proving me wrong. You mean so much to me… you have no idea how much you mean to me.”

“Kalie I think I know… you’re special to me too.”

“No Nick I mean… I love you.”

“I know you do. You’re my best friend and I’m yours.”

“No… I mean I actually love you… way too much for words.”

He leaned in closer with a huge smile on his face, “I thought I was never going to hear you say that. I love you way too much for words baby. You don’t know how happy you just made me. I… I want to let the world know this is us now! Kalie you’ve made me…”

“Just shut up and kiss me.”

He chuckled quietly then slowly our eyes closed and our lips met. We kissed passionately and it felt so good.

There was no doubt about it, I was in love with my best friend and he truly loved me back.