Chapter 24 Never Gone

***Nick’s Point of View***

It was five long, agonizing days before Grandma and Grandpa Smith’s funeral. The entire Smith family gathered for that most depressing period of time. And the Smith family was huge. They all occupied the surrounding hotels and Kalie housed some of her aunts and uncles and cousins while she stayed at my house. She was going to stay with Jasper but he wasn’t being supportive at all. He went away on business and wasn’t back until a week after the funeral. I mean he had a high position in a well paying job; he had plenty of money to spend on everything from fancy cars to expensive vacations but yet he didn’t have enough to stay home with his grieving girlfriend.

Way before this whole tragic accident occurred Kalie asked me about a very powerful song from the newest album.

“Nick what is the meaning to Never Gone?”

“The song or CD?”

“The song. I’ve been trying to figure it out but my reason sounds stupid.”

“Well what do you think it’s about?”

“I think it’s about how you and BSB feel about your fans.”

“That’s one reason. But really that song has many different reasons to many different people… including me and the Boys.”

“Really? What does it mean to BSB?”

“Well…” I started, “Howie dedicates it to his late sister. Kevin wrote the draught of this song for his father. I dedicate it to my grandma and Brian always thinks of his grandparents when he hears that song.”

“So basically it’s about a loved one dying?”

“Well… maybe. That’s the beauty of that song… it’s open to interpretation.”

Now it was the day of the funeral and everyone dressed in black to reflect their emotions. My best friends and I were right by Kalie and Kasey’s sides for support. Mark was there too and Kalie found her strength between him and I. She was so overcome with emotion that she was weakened and found it hard to walk.  Mark and I became her crutches. It seemed like the entire Smith family was weakened at the seams because of this great loss for Grandma and Grandpa Smith were more than just the matriarch and patriarch of the family; they were the eldest brother and sister in law, parents, grandparents and great grandparents who were dearly, dearly loved.

“Now all 15 of the Smith grandchildren would like to sing a song to memorialize their beloved grandparents,” the preacher said at the end of his service.

Kalie leaned over to me and whispered in my ear, “I now know what that song means to me and my entire family now.”

She and the rest of the Smith grandchildren took their spots near the caskets. All of their eyes were clouded with tears but they all took deep breaths as the oldest cousin Karen started the music. I looked up at Kalie when I recognized the song and she closed her eyes and nodded her head slowly.    

I don’t know how they did it but all 15 of the Smith grandchildren swallowed their tears and sang Never Gone. Karen, Kim, Kyle, Kasey and Kalie, being the oldest of the cousins, took over the leads for this touching song and they all joined together to sing the chorus. They all sang beautifully and amazingly none of them let a single tear drop run down their face. On the other hand all the rest of the people were crying inconsolably. I could feel the tears stinging my own eyes.

I remember glancing at Kalie’s father. He was one of the most manly and toughest guys I knew and I had only seen him tear once at Kim’s wedding. Now he was crying like a baby as he held his older sister’s hand. It seemed there would be no end to the tears.

Just before the funeral ended, everyone got to say their final good byes. I had a hard time saying my good byes because this whole situation didn’t seem real. I was the last of the friends to say good bye and after I had taken my seat again Kalie and her twin walked up and knelt before the caskets. The image of Kalie and Kasey saying their good byes will be burned in my brain forever. The lights in the front of the funeral parlor made the twins into silhouettes in front of the caskets. Kasey helped his sister up and she feel into his arms. They both stood there and cried before moving so Kim and Kyle could take their turn. I don’t know what made me more emotional; the unexpected loss of my “adoptive” grandparents, or seeing my best friend so upset. I walked over to her and grabbed her into my arms. She leaned against me and cried. I wanted to be strong for her but I couldn’t hold back my own tears.       

After the funeral I stayed with Kalie until I had to go back on tour with the Boys. Jasper didn’t come home from business until one week after the funeral. Kalie didn’t even have to ask me to say with her because I knew she was going to be lonely. I wanted to make sure she was going to get her strength back before I left.

Then the Jackass, I mean Jasper, came home.

They got into a really bad fight one night while they were settling down for bed. Kalie raised her voice, which was rare for her, so I could hear her from in my guest room over the war movie I was watching.

“Baby…” I heard Kalie say, “Can I ask you a question?”

“Do you really have to? Can’t we just get it on?”

“You can wait a minute. You’re not going to die if you don’t get it right away. So can I ask you a question?”

“Fine. What is it?”

“Do you really care about me?”

“What did you just ask?” his voice became very gruff and the hair on the back of my neck stood up.

“I asked if you really care about me.”

“How dare you ask that?! Of course I care about you I love you!”

“Then where were you when both of my grandparents were killed?!”

“You know where I was! I was away on business that I couldn’t get out of.”

“Bull shit! You know that if you explained the situation to your boss you could’ve gotten out of it! You probably don’t even know how devastated I was! No how devastated I still am!”

“I know how your feeling. I had grandparents die too you know! And I do care about you!”

“Right now I can’t believe you. I think all you care about is the sex.”

“You know me Kalie! That’s the only way I can express my feelings toward you!”

“There are other ways then just sex! You never take me out, never really listen to me when I have a problem, and you never want to just chill. It’s always sex, sex, sex with you Jasper! And to top it all off you weren’t there for me last week!”

“But I do care for you! I care a lot about you!”

“You’re a fucking liar! You’re the biggest bull shit artist I know!”

“I am not! I’m not lying to you!”

“Prove it then! If not pack up your things and leave now.”

“Fine then I will prove it!”

“What are you doing?... Jasper!”

“I’m proving that I love you and that you drive me crazy!”

“Jasper stop!”

“You know you want to Kalie!”

“NO I don’t! Jasper!” She was starting to sound desperate and I started hearing a muffled thumping sound. I got a strange feeling she was punching him but I wasn’t sure.

There was a long pause before Kalie started screaming, “Jasper stop! Stop! Please! STOP! STOP! N…”

I heard a loud smacking sound and Jasper hiss, “Shut up bitch! You know you want this. And you know we both need this!”

“NO! JASPER STOP! JUST PLEASE STOP!” Her screams turned into muffled sobs and Jasper kept shouting, “Shut up and enjoy it like I am!”

I sprang from the bed and rushed into Kalie’s room. She was wearing only her black push up bra and matching lace panties and was forced onto her hands and knees with tears streaming down her face. I could see her arms quivering. I ran and tackled Jasper. I pinned him to the ground and started beating his face in. The little prick didn’t even fight back.

“YOU MOTHER FUCKER! HOW FUCKING DARE YOU DO THIS TO KALIE!” I screamed.

I got to my feet and pulled him up by the neck.

I stared into his eyes and said with clenched teeth, “Leave right now and never come back!”

With that I released my grip. Jasper zipped up his pants and walked out the door without a word. I picked Kalie up from the floor. Her arms had given out on her and she was lying face down on the floor so I placed her gently on her bed. Then I pushed back the blinds of the window overlooking the drive way and watched as he drove way in his sports car.

“Nick,” she started to whimper, “I can’t believe he did this to me. He fucking raped me. I thought he loved me!”

I took a giant step and was sitting next to her in a second. My heart started to race but I remained calm as I turned her face toward mine. I looked into her deep brown eyes that were filled with so much pain and said, “Kalie, honey, you don’t need him. You don’t need anybody like him. I don’t want to see you get hurt again. I know you’re strong but you can’t go through this anymore. I can’t see you go through this anymore. Dump his ass and move on from him. Find yourself someone who will actually love you.”

She stared into my eyes for a few seconds after I spoke then glanced at the picture she kept of Jasper on her bedside table. She turned her head toward me again then whispered, “Nick… just hold me.”  

I brought her into my arms. She dug her face into the crook of my neck as I rubbed my hands up and down her back. While she was in my arms, I took in the smell of her perfume; the mixture of cherry blossoms and vanilla was sending my senses into over drive. And just having Kalie this close to me was driving me insane! I was holding her so close that it felt like at any second she and I would morph into one person and she was returning the grip.

I don’t know what came over me but I started lightly and slowly kissing down her neck. I wanted to console her in any way possible and she was right there in my arms, half naked. I mean she was wearing a push up bra and sexy lace panties that made her gorgeous body even sexier. She was exciting me, she was driving me wild. But more than anything I wanted to take way all of her pain. I wanted to be the one to make her forget about Jasper. I wanted to be Kalie’s and I wanted Kalie to be mine.

As I continued to kiss her neck, I felt her hand glide up my back and into my hair. She started messaging my head and that drove me over the edge. My breathing became faster and I felt her heart beat quicken.

Then I made the gutsiest move I had ever made. I looked into her eyes for a split second, and then my lips crashed onto hers.

***Kalie’s Point of View***

I don’t know why I let Nick kiss me. Maybe I wanted someone to take all my pain away. Maybe I didn’t want to fight him. Maybe I wanted him period. To this day I still don’t know but oh that kiss! That unpredicted, unimaginable, indescribable, unbelievable kiss! That was the kiss that made me want more.

Once I let my mouth open to his tongue I felt his passion. I let him go as far as he wanted to and when I felt his body start to push me down on my bed I let him. He hovered over me holding onto my sides as we made out. He was so gentle but at the same time aggressive. He pulled away from my lips and I opened my eyes. He still had his closed as he hovered over me again. He reached up and placed his hand behind my ear; I rubbed the side of my face against it affectionately in return. He then brought his face over mine again and slowly opened his eyes. I looked up at him with a questioning look on my face. I didn’t know what he was going to do and what he did do surprised and in a way disappointed me.

***Nick’s Point Of View***

Once I opened my eyes I saw the look in Kalie’s.

“Shit! I can’t do this! Not to her! Not to my best friend,” I thought to myself.

I shook myself out of the trance she had caught me in. I jumped off her bed and headed for the door.

“Nick where are you going?”

I turned around and answered, “I can’t do this to you Kayl. This was a big mistake. Just forget it ever happened. I’ll talk to you later if you still want to talk me.”

With that I escaped through the door without another word.

***Kalie’s Point Of View***

“No Nick come back!” I screamed to him then my voice dropped, “I… I want you.”

I started to feel unwanted and disgusting. I just realized that my boyfriend was only using me for my body and now Nick didn’t want me. And worse of all my friendship with him was probably ruined just now.

I reached for the picture of Jasper I kept on my beside table and said to his image, “See what you have done?! I lost Nick because of you!”

“Hello?” Nick picked up his phone the next day.

“Hey Nick. It’s me.”

“Oh hey Kay.”

“Can you come over? I need to talk to you in person.”

“Sure. I’ll be over in a few minutes.”

“Thanks.” I let out a relieved sigh. At least he wasn’t mad at me for the other day. Thankfully he still wanted to talk to me.

He pulled into the drive way ten minutes later and I led him into the back yard so we could talk.

“Are you mad at me?”

“For what?”

“For what happened yesterday.”

“How could I be mad at you for that? It wasn’t your fault. It was mine.”

“No Nick it was my fault. I was the one who wouldn’t push you away. I was the one who didn’t listen to you and the rest of our friends when you told me Jasper was no good for me. I was so stupid! I should have listened! I hate that it took me so long to realize what an ass he is! I should have learned from what happened with Dylan. And because of me our friendship…”

“Kalie stop right there. It’s not your fault. I was the one who was caught in the moment. I was the one who should have stopped. And so what if you didn’t listen? This was something you had to learn on your own like you had to do with Dylan. Kayl, you’re still my best friend. You’ll never have to worry about our friendship because you will always be my best friend.”

“I will?”

“Of course you will.”

“Then will you be here waiting for me when I break up with Jasper tomorrow?”

“What?”

“I’ve come to terms with the fact that Jasper really is not the guy for me and that there is someone out there for me who will actually love me. But I want you to be here when I get home so I’m not alone. You’ll be my best friend and do that for me please?”

He looked into my eyes and smiled, “You can count on me to be there.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

This really good sensation tingled up my spine when he said that. Just by looking into my eyes, smiling that beautiful smile, and promising he’ll be there for me made me feel like everything was going to be ok.

He stayed true to his word because when I returned home from giving Jasper all his things back Nick was waiting in the living room.

About two weeks after Jasper raped me I got very scared.

One of the reasons was because Nick was about to go on tour. The other reason was even scarier.

Nick came home from practice one day to find me rocking myself back and forth in my arm chair.

“What’s wrong?”

I said in a near whisper, “I think I’m pregnant.”

Nick’s eyes went wide with shock, “What did you just say?”

“I think I’m pregnant. My period is almost a week late and it’s never been late. I can’t be pregnant with Jasper’s baby I just can’t! What am I going to do Kaos?”

“You’re going to get a pregnancy test to make sure and you’re not going to worry. And I’ll be here to help you get through this if you are pregnant.”  

Once again Nick kept his word and got me through that scare. A day before he left for tour I got my period. Thank God I wasn’t pregnant.