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Author's Chapter Notes:
things are about to get strange..enjoy! ;)
Throbbing, I shifted again to relapse on sleep but apparently it was not working for me.
I still refused food and also throwing away my meds as if it was the poison to continue my suffering.
or at least that what I agreed upon.
The wasted life I wanted didn't feel so good, I was so weak I could barely get up, never mind sit up,
and not to mention I am also sick, a fever drumming on my waxed skin, i felt like i was already withering away.
" Hello? Nick?" Trina asked quietly, coming again for another attempt at a failed tactic. I rolled over and flattened myself underneath the thinly made sheet..praying it was earth instead.
She set down the tray and enveloped her hands across my forehead, apparently seeing how weak I was, I heard her leave probably getting Lisa.
I groaned, damn another hospital trip I silently screamed.
Lisa inspected me and phoned another staff to urgently call the ambulance. She flushed her hand through my soaked hair, her eyes of sympathy was not a chosen omen for me..more like death.
" Nick? Can you hear me?"
I slowly nodded and try to speak but ended up foaming out in gurgles and tormented moans.
" Ok, we have an ambulance coming now to take you to the hospital, do you understand sweetie?" she desperatly asked and again I nodded, not even bothering to talk. She fastened her head up to the paramedics who actually got here pretty fast and put me on the bed.
Pushing an oxygen mask over my nose, it felt like blurry amount of hours passed as I dazed in and out, waiting for a tight binding to set my soul gone.
The doctor finally came in and introduced himself, and took a hold on my chart to give me the news on my condition.
" Hello, my name is Dr. Thomas, it appears you are extremely dehydrated and malnourished, also you had a slight shock when it seems you stopped taking your prescriptions." he sternly told me, newspaper of beeps and breathing became my new gossip.
" So we are going to give you some fluids and feed you through a tube to get some nutrients into your system...given your condition you are required to stay here for a day or so until you are better..any questions?" he concluded and weakly shook my head as he left.
Lisa came running in and was by my side, informing me they will only release me to her to make sure I go straight back to the hospital.
There was no escape for the sick i suppose.
They inserted the feeding tube down my throat which burned as tears and felt so uncomfortable.
How did I end up like this?
Wasn't my life bad enough or so it appears to be.
I shut my body out, thinking a nap would help this pain go away...both physical and emotionally.



A couple days after, or I thought a few hours later, turns out I slept longer than intended and started to feel better.
I jumped when I saw a nurse making her rounds to see if I needed anything but told her I was fine..just wanted to be alone.
Lisa came back and held out a few loose pages of paperwork, telling me I will be released tomorrow seeing how I had improved far quickly than expected.
Yay for me.
She shuffled her arms together like a pathetic deck of cards and studied me As Kevin would do and a smile broke upon that tough horizon of hers.
" The more you refuse Nick, the longer it will be needed to tend to your care...you are just prolonging it even more than necessary..we all want the best of you, you know." She completed and gave me a loving hug..
I knew she was right but didn't want to admit it quite yet.
I mean yes I wanted to get better but for what and for who? i already lost the love of my life and the other guys have their own families to tend to....we are not going to discuss mine for well you already know how that goes.
I slumbered again, waiting for my answer to come to me as it may as well be the perfect fitting on life.


Released from the hospital and going to the loony one, I unexpectedly let out such a laughter, it really felt amazing.
Lisa turned to face me in the driver's seat and poured her joy.
" I am glad to see your flashing that wonderful smile." she sweetly said, patting my back life a gift and i blushed secretly.
Yes I did feel so much better and started to have a positive outlook.
Maybe that is what i needed, a bitter taste of reality before I could really feel life at my heels.
Drifting..into the paradise I truly belong in.


Of course I had to remain in Crisis for another 24 hours until i was really better to get back to my old room but as a reward or something Lisa said I can spend some time outside..which is great for me.
I am in need to feel the sun's warm hand touch my own and breath the fresh air to remind myself that life is worth living for...simple reminders that seem no longer a punishment.
I decided to perch myself underneath an oak tree to relax and get a load off my mind.
I only had a little while so i wanted to make the most of it.
Suddenly tho I felt the air above me whipping around and something feathery landing on my head.
I dreary flopped my hand over my head and felt a weird parchment of some sort.
You know that lace that people sometimes decorates their table?
Well it was like that and green and small..shaped like a snowflake.
I glanced up to find the source but felt empty when no answers were given to me.
sighing..I peeked into the perfectly folded crest and saw a fancy handwriting scribbled in crimson ink..it read:



" Like a trinket in nightly bell
you may here a shadowed voice tell
just go into darkness that may sell
and we will help your soul to dwell"


What the fuck? Was this like a limerick or something.
I then had a weird feeling again, I felt as if someone had stepped inside me and lingering there, awaiting to receive my message.
I allowed my wondering to disappears as I tucked the green lace into my pocket and I heard Lisa calling me to come in.
Dinner time.


Scarfing down my plate, when i was in my room, the nurse took it away and i sat alone, pulling the note out and kept re reading it's contents like a special message meant for me.
I thumbed the fine print and suprised it was bumpy...was it made from wax or something.
trina startled me with my mind to remind me lights out.
It feels so nice to be able to go back to my room tomorrow, I noticed a flicker of light emit from a tiny mirror piece on the phone..maybe streetlights or from a passing car.
Darkness enveloped me..as the note said it would but did not feel any dwelling for my soul.
It was probably a silly game or kinda a therapeutic sentiment from one of the staffs or something.
I started laughing, batting the nonsense that seemed creeping up but it was silenced when I hear an young woman's voice said.


" Hello Nickolas..my name is Lucille...."