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I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
I mean I should of seen this coming from miles away but still couldn't focus.
Expecially when my anger seemed to climb within my chest, welling up in disappointment and sadness to how they could ever point the finger at me.
Detective Harley just ran his gaze over me, and I am glad to decide to hide my cuts from him.
Polishing my hand over my temple, I gave in to my fears and actually paused to hear what can come next.
" Nick, have you ever...hit Lauren before?" he asked calmly and the anger rose even more than it already was.
" No! I mean, that fracture she had was a total accident!" I sputtered but the way he just stood there, mouth agape, I had a feeling he didn't believe me.
It was true, it was.
A couple months before Lauren was found murdered.
We were play wrestling as we always loved to do.
Plus it had a great sex affect after.
But that day I got way to rough and tears sprung her in eyes as I was lifting her ankle above the means of human.
" Ok Nick you win!" she panted, struggling to get up.
And usually she is the tough one, not me.
Perhaps I went overboard with all this, I should had stopped.
" Oh come on Lo! You love it!" I said in a flirty tone.
She let out a slight whimper, but at the time I didn't believe it.
I actually thought she was trying to trick me or something. As I grabbed her ankle higher.
The horrifying feeling when I heard a crunching snap and she screamed out so loud. I couldn't believe of the pain I just caused her.
" Oh god Nick!" she yelled, and i felt my heart drop.
" Lauren! I'm so sorry!! Are you ok?" I was desperate to help her but she was infuriated as it is.
" No Nick!!! I am not ok!!" she cried and I pulled her up and started to bring her in the car and on to the hospital. turns out I had sprained her ankle and I buried myself in a deep depression,
knowing I hurt the one I love.
I explained this to Harley but he didn't seem amused, jotting down a few notes in his pad and I felt even
smaller then.
" Nick, let me cut to the chase, you are now a suspect, we have to search some more in order to clear your name but for now you are not allowed to leave the city!" he spat at me so disgusting like and I felt the tears pouring.
" Please Sir, I would never kill my wife! I know who did it.." I trailed off and he leaned in closer.
" Oh really now? and who may that be." he sarcastically said and I rolled my eyes.
" Chris..Chris Albertson.." I stated, not telling him of the evil man that controlled me.
Not of the man whom stole something I can never get back.
My love I cannot feel any longer




I left his office with a lot of worry and fear. He told me he would look into Chris, if he can ever find him.
I shrugged to myself and got into my car.
As I drove past a familiar scenery in my town, my mind drifted to somewhere I did not want to be.
All i could think about is the blade, taunting my skin with its silvery smile,
just waiting for me to slice up my internal wounds.
I shook my head, i promised Kev I wouldn't do that.
Kevin! I completely forgot about him as I fumbled around for my phone and dialed his number.
" Hey little brother!" he exclaimed, probably waiting for me to call, I can picture him standing by his phone, just waiting for me.
" Hey dude..bad news..." I started and he sighed.
" what is it?" he asked nervously.
I wasn't sure how to word it, it was so absurd, its nearly laughable.
" They are looking me as a suspect now!" I began crying, how was he going to react.
" Nick, calm down, it will be all right..."
" No Kevin!!! It won't be ok and it never will be!!" I screamed and he cut my off.
Knowing what i was thinking, what I was about to do.
" Nick!! Come to me NOW!!!!" he was furious, even when I am certain he knew me too much to even see what was gonna happened before it did.
" No! Leave me alone!!" I sobbed and hung up before he could protest and I felt myself shaking.
I then drove idly around, until i stopped at a liquor store and bought some vodka and a sharp object.
I rummaged through the glove box and found an old pair of scissors, a disturbing smile crossed my face.
I landed at the entrance of the beach and lodged myself in the backseat.
Taking beautiful swigs on vodka and placing the scissors so carefully on my arm, I started to slice and bleed. My face contort in pain but a lovely pleasure.
Allowing the blood permission to escape my arms once again, I closed into myself and took a last long sip of vodka before I passed out in my car.






An early morning tribute shivered me up from my sleep.
Confusion set over and briefly wondered why I w as in my car. The a random loud beeping emit from my phone and I groaned.
It was Kevin..again.
" What is it!" I snapped, forgetting the sorrow I felt deep inside.
" Nick! I had been calling you for hours! Are you ok?" he asked and I snorted in response
" Define ok?" I threatened and he stopped in silence.
" You didn't..hurt yourself did you?" he said and brushing away the truth even more.
I did and hated myself for it.
" No." I lied and he couldn't believe me..
not not and not ever.
" I know you did Nicky, where are you?"
" I don't know, some beach or something." I lazily said
" Ok..I am coming to get you." he finally expressed and my head throbbed with a possibility of him dragging me to a therapist.
I hung up and relaxed myself on the cool seat, warming up to a new day's glow and beckoning joy.
Yea..sure....
And within a few minutes I glanced over and saw Kevins jeep parking right next to my car.
I again dreaded what was gonna happen.
But as he got out and went to the backseat where I was sitting and just peered in, lingering for me to let him in.
I was defeated again and opened the door, as he sat inside he gave me a hard stare.
I didn't give in.
" Sleeves Nick.." he finally spoke after a couple of minutes and I find myself twitching in my seat.
He even added " I know you did.."
I sighed and pulled up my sleeves, and he inspected as if he mesmerized my entire parchment.
He didn't even question, just assumed.
" What did you use?" he asked
I didn't wanted to tell him but he already had me in this hole I felt I had no choice.
" scissors.." I blandly worded and he just lowered himself in his own embrace.
" Lets go." he stated as I wanted to hold back even more.
" Um..where?"
" This has gone to far." was all he breathed and I crumbled.
Little did I know of the place would end up being my sanctuary...








Nothing was ever spoken during the entire ride, or why it should be as he parked in a professional building and i felt myself tightened.
" i made an appointment for you Nick, you need this." he squinted a hidden flaw from me, and knew then he only did this because he cared.
I took in one more part of the building and headed inside, with Kevin on my trail.
The receptionist was overly friendly as I spoke my name in complete shame.
Taking a seat next to Kevin, we wait so long and nothing was exchanged from that.
" Mr. Carter?" informed a worker dressed in a long skirt and flowery blouse.
" Yep." I Hissed and Kev stayed behind, trusting me I should do this on my own.
he gave me an encouraging nod as I followed her inside a cozy office full of inspiration and warm objects.
And for once I feel comfortable.
Then, a red-haired lady walked in and sparkled me a s mile and took a place in her chair, removing her glasses.
I sifted in my own place and she finally mentioned my withering life.
" Hello Nick, my name is Sandra, and I am here to open up your mind."
Oh jeez she sounded cheesy already but I smirked at her and listened onward, indulging in the moment.
" Tell me what is the trouble my soul friend."
Oh yea, this is going to be a long trip I said to myself.