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A Chat with Severus Snape


It turned out that what Severus desired was a talk with Lily Evans. He hung ‘round the end of the corridor opposite the portrait of the Fat Lady and watched until after James Potter had gone off to his detention with Professor McGonagall and stepped up to look at the large gilded frame that housed all the ruffles and silk that enveloped the Fat Lady’s girth. “What’s the Password?” The Fat Lady asked, suspiciously staring down at Severus Snape.

Severus didn’t know it, obviously, so he backed away. The Fat Lady kept her eyes on him. “What are you up to, sneaking around without knowing the password?” She asked. “It’s rather odd, what you’re doing. Should tell…”

“Oh c’mon,” smooth talked Severus, “Don’t go telling on me. I’m not trying to get in for any bad reasons. I just need to talk to my friend, Lily Evans, perhaps you know her? Second year with the prettiest ginger hair you’ve ever seen…?” He raised his hand to indicate Lily’s height.

The Fat Lady mused a moment, running her finger over her round chin, where Severus noticed a large, hairy mole. He cringed at the detail of the painting. Finally the Fat Lady shook her head, “Musn’t tell!” A grin broke across her face, “You’re a trespasser.”

“I’m not a trespasser,” he replied, “I’m still in the corridor, aren’t I? I’m still in a common area!” He glowered at her. “If I wanted to get by, I could blast you open!” He added, holding up his wand.

At this, the Fat Lady cracked up - laughing so hard there were tears in her eyes. “Oh ickle wittle second year, thinks he could blast through me, does he? Dumbledore’s set protective spells on me that would keep you from even trying, little one.”

Severus had a mind to try it. After the summer with Malfoy, he felt rather underestimated around Hogwarts. But Lucius had told him, too, that one of the keys to Dark Magic was to restrain oneself and to only utilize the power when it was necessary. “Think of it as every time you restrain yourself, all that anger you’re suppressing is saved into a reservoir and that reservoir gets more and more and more full and the fuller it is, the more strong your power will be when you release it.” That’s what Malfoy had said. And it had certainly helped. Severus’s reservoir was filling every time he swallowed back the urge to blast James Potter to dust. Not only that, but his spells had certainly been powerful that morning at breakfast. When James had been blasted back so hard he somersaulted over the table, Severus had never felt so vindicated in all his life. That had been one of the spells Lucius had taught him to defend himself with and he’d never cast it hard enough to send anyone falling backward quite as hard as that. Either Potter was weak - which Severus didn’t doubt, actually - or his spell had come off quite strong. He liked to think it was a mix.

Suddenly the portrait of the Fat Lady swung forward, nearly hitting Severus, and he jumped back only just in time, and from within the hole behind it came a couple of first years - Ali Prewitt and another little girl, Natalie Spinnet. Ali saw Severus and said, “Oh, I’m sorry! I didn’t know you were out here, I wouldn’t have swung the portrait open so hard if I had… Did I hit you?”

“No,” Severus replied, turning to face them.

Natalie’s eyes widened when she saw Severus’s green school tie. “You’re a Slytherin,” she said, pointing. “You aren’t supposed to be lurking ‘round our common room.”

The Fat Lady grinned from her portrait, “So proud, so proud. It’s like a protoge!”

Severus’s eyes narrowed at the Fat Lady, then he looked back to Ali and Natalie, “Do you lot know Lily Evans? I need her and this one’s giving me a hard time about waiting for her out here.”

“Yeah, I know Lily,” Ali said. “What do you want her for?”

“I need to talk to her,” Severus answered. When the two girls exchanged wary glances, Severus sighed, “We’re best friends, alright? It’s not like I’m going to hurt her - for Merlin’s sake.”

Ali whispered to Natalie, and the smaller girl turned back and ran through the still-open portrait hole once again. Ali turned to look up at Severus. “I thought that Alice Bell was Lily’s best friend?” She challenged.

Severus spat the word, “No.” He felt his fists ball and his muscles tighten. “I’m Lily’s best friend. I have been forever.”

“Okay, jeez, I’m sorry,” Ali said, waving her hands, “I didn’t mean to get you upset. Relax.”

Severus took a deep breath, adding that anger into his reservoir, too. Then Lily came through the portrait hole with Natalie and he felt as though he could never be angry again, seeing her green eyes. All the tension left his body and he felt soothed all over. “Lily,” he breathed.

Lily’s eyes weren’t the sparkling masterpieces they usually were, though. She walked up quite angrily and stopped before him, glowering. “What do you want?” She asked, her voice hard.

Ali and Natalie exchanged glances and stayed right where they were behind Lily, backing her up.

Severus said lowly, “I need to talk to you, it’s important.” He glanced at Ali and Natalie. “Alone,” he added.

Lily turned to look at the first years behind her. “Go on, you two.”

“Are you sure?” Ali asked, concerned.

“Yeah,” Lily answered, “I’m alright. Go on.”

Ali nodded and she scrambled away, closely followed by Natalie. They were at the end of the corridor, clearly beyond where they thought Lily or Severus would be able to hear them, when Natalie asked, “He was a rather nasty boy wasn’t he? I’m so glad I’m not in Slytherin!”

Lily stared into Severus’s eyes and he realized that she’d grown several inches over the summer. She was a bit taller than he was now. And she’d obviously spent quite a lot of time at their pond, too, for she was quite tanned and her freckles stood out across her nose, brighter than they usually were. She hated those freckles, he knew, but he loved them. He’d counted them once, and thought up constellations for them, as though they were stars.

“What do you want?” She demanded now.

“Well, I haven’t seen you in some time and --” Severus began, but Lily cut him off.

“Who’s fault is that?”

Severus frowned. “It wasn’t my fault, Lily.”

Lily knew that, deep down. She folded her arms over her chest, refusing to admit it.

Severus sighed. “Aren’t we friends still, Lily?” He asked. His voice was so sad and hollow that Lily couldn’t possibly stay mad. He looked up at her, his eyes sad and brown.

“Of course we are, Sev,” said Lily, the cold edge to her voice melting down, “I’m just cross, that’s all, and truly busy and there’s a lot going on this term… with Alice Bell dying and everything...”

Severus muttered, “You’ve got the time to be ‘round Remus Lupin.”

Lily raised an eyebrow. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Severus shrugged, “Just that you’ve been talking to him, that’s all. They say you fancy him.” His n’voice had a jealous edge to it.

“Maybe,” Lily said hesitantly, “I don’t know.” She hadn’t realized that she fancied Remus until that moment. But with Severus saying it, it suddenly became quite clear and she felt butterflies in her stomach at the thought of it. She, Lily Evans, fancying a boy! It was quite weird to think of.

Severus saw it in her face. He felt sick at the thought of it. “I thought that --” he stopped.

“Thought what?” Lily asked, touching her cheek to feel the heat that had risen up there.

“Nothing,” replied Severus. He’d been about to say that he thought she fancied him, but he suddenly didn’t dare to, afraid that she might say she didn’t fancy him and never had. He didn’t think he could take that at the moment. “It’s just, I’d be careful about him if I were you,” he said, choosing to change his tactic. “There’s something funny about him.”

“Something funny about him?” Lily echoed, “What do you mean by that?”

“I mean he’s twitchy,” Severus said, “Kind of dogey. Like he’s got a secret. I saw him and James Potter up to no good down in the entrance hall last night, sneaking about. Lupin’s been missing since. If you ask me, that’s suspicious. Especially when you add in how defensive Potter got this morning at breakfast.”

Lily knew there was a secret of course. It had been some time, however, since she’d thought about it. She remembered suddenly the night last term when she’d hidden behind the stairs and been confronted by Dumbledore returning from seeing Remus Lupin out the front doors of the castle - a situation very similar to what Severus Snape was describing now, except with James Potter instead of the headmaster. Did James know the secret, too? Lily wondered. And if he did, how much did he know? Could Lily learn more about what it was she was keeping secret if she asked him about it? She decided right then to have a little talk with James later, when he got back from detention with McGonagall.

Of course, none of this could be said to Severus.

“Come off it, Sev, you just don’t like Potter.”

Severus scowled. “No, you’re right, I don’t like him. He’s a git. But you’ve got to admit he was overly defensive about where Lupin’s at, don’t you think? Starting a duel all because I asked a question.”

“Actually you started the duel,” Lily replied.

Severus’s eyes widened. “No. He hexed me first!”

“You were being pushy,” Lily answered.

Severus couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Lily was taking up on James Potter’s side over him? He glowered. “I just wanted to talk to you. You were being stubborn.”

“You were insisting on interrupting my breakfast!” Lily replied.

“There’s no other time I could’ve come over,” Severus answered.

“Because of limitations you put on our friendship. Really, Sev, it’s not like I’m hard to find. If I’m not here in the tower or in the Great Hall, there’s a safe bet I’m in the library. You could come talk to me anytime, you could catch me up after Potions. We could hang out on the grounds or take a walk together ‘round the castle. There’s a hundred places and ways you could come talk to me. But you only want to talk to me when it’s convenient for you. What about what’s convenient for me?”

“I have repeatedly explained to you about the Slytherins and their prejudices,” Severus said. “I can’t just walk over to talk to you when they’re all watching. I will be shunned from my own house.”

Lily replied, “Well maybe I’ll be shunned from mine for being around you, too.”

“You won’t,” Severus replied.

“Did you ever stop to think if the Slytherins are that awful about who you’re friends with then maybe having them shun you wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world?”

“You don’t get it,” Severus said.

She shrugged. “I gotta go, Sev.”

“Wait,” he said, jumping to grab hold on her wrist to stop her, “Wait. I - I miss you, Lily. Can’t we make this work out?”

Lily shrugged, “Dunno, Sev. Can we?” She pulled her wrist away. “You’ve got to make a better effort if you want to be friends. I can’t be always going out of my way. I wasted my whole summer waiting for you ‘round our little pond and you never came. I’m sick of waiting ‘round for you Severus.”

Severus felt something like the air deflating from his lungs. “I’ve done stuff for you, too, you know. I risked my neck showing you magic before you knew you were magic. Made my mum right angry, me going to see a muggle girl all the time before you got your Hogwarts letter. She still doesn’t approve, you being a mudblood and all.”

“Stop calling me that,” Lily said. “I hate that word. Voldemort uses that word. Him and his followers. That horrible woman called me that.”

Severus’s eyes flashed. He had heard about the tryst into the woods that the Gryffindors had taken - Lily included - but never from Lily herself. This was really the first time he’d had a chance to talk to her much at all. Rather, he’d heard about it in snippets from Lucius Malfoy and Walburga Black ‘round the manor during the summer. He’d heard the stories from the Death Eaters who had apparated to the Forbidden Forest and witnessed Dumbledore’s arrival to the clearing, where he’d cast the shield that had protected Lily from the Dark Lord’s wrath. Severus had to tread carefully ‘round the topic, there was no reason he should know the story, it hadn’t made the rounds at Hogwarts, after all. If he let on that he knew it, he’d have to explain how.

“How would you know what words the Dark Lord uses?” Severus asked by way to push off the question.

Lily sighed. She’d tried not to think about that night herself, but she had to tell Severus - perhaps he’d understand why she was closer to Remus, James, Sirius and Peter now if she told him, she reasoned. She moved a bit down the corridor where there was a little bench set into the wall before a tall window and she sat down, beckoning for him to come join her. “Last term, Sirius Black had this… this sort of plot to go and… and try to defeat the Dark Lord.”

Severus tried very hard to keep his face straight. He suppressed the urge to scoff at the thought of a cluster of first years ever dreaming they might be able to defeat Voldemort. Clearly, he thought, this was James Potter’s big ego backing the endeavor. Who else could possibly be that full of themselves to think that, at their stage of learning, they could defeat the most powerful wizard that ever lived? The thought of it was ridiculous.

“So we all went into the forest to summons him and he came and we tried to stun him, like our plan was, but it didn’t work. And then he tried to kill James Potter.”

“Too bad that didn’t turn out,” muttered Severus.

Lily glared at him.

Severus said, “C’mon, you don’t like that git, do you?”

“No, but that doesn’t mean he deserves to die,” Lily replied. “Anyway, one of Voldemort’s followers - this terrible woman who cackled like a hyena, she grabbed hold on me and she called me mudblood, but in the most terrible way.” She shuddered at the thought of the sound of her voice and the tone which she’d said the word mudblood in.

Severus knew by that description that Lily was referring to Bellatrix Lestrange, whom, he had to admit, he did not particularly like himself. She was far too doting, too outlandish, too loud and too eccentric. He pictured Bellatrix Lestrange clutching Lily in the pale white light of the moon, pictured the way Bellatrix’s nails would’ve cut into Lily’s soft skin, and how bloodthirsty she would’ve looked, how her eyes would’ve twinkled and sparkled at the thought of being able to kill a mudblood… Severus felt sick and pushed the thought out of his mind.

“My point is, just don’t call me that anymore. I don’t care if that’s the word everybody uses for muggle-borns, I just don’t like it, alright?” Lily asked, eyeing Severus.

Severus nodded. He would have to make an effort not to refer to Lily that way anymore. She was different than most mudbloods anyway. Magic was a portion of her blood. She was more magic than muggle. Sure most of them were dolts, but not Lily.

Somewhere in the castle, a clock chimed the hour and Lily stood up suddenly. “I need to go work on my homework. I have an essay due in Transfiguration I haven’t even started yet.”

Severus nodded again.

“Was that everything you wanted to talk about?” Lily asked.

Severus said, “I just wanted to talk to you. It wasn’t really about about anything,” he lied. He’d wanted to talk about Remus Lupin, but the realization that she did fancy him had thrown Severus off his guard. He hadn’t expected it. But one thing was for certain, he wasn’t going to look the other way. Lily was his, he’d been working on that relationship for years. Lupin wasn’t going to just walk in and become her boyfriend just like that. He vowed at that moment to find out what Remus Lupin’s secret was and use it against him to make Lily stop fancying him. With Remus out of the way, Severus reckoned, he would be next in line for Lily’s affection.

“Alright,” Lily said, “Well. Like I said. You know where to find me.” She shrugged, “I’ll see you around, Severus.”

“See you around,” he answered.

Severus watched as Lily walked off down the corridor and stopped in front of the portrait hole. He didn’t hear the password - she was careful to say it quietly to keep it secret - but she turned to wave to him before she ducked inside the Gryffindor common room. He waved back, staying right where he was until the portrait had swung closed.