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Three in the A.M.


Remus laid on the bed in the room at the Leaky Cauldron, turning his new wand over in his hand. “Cypress wood, ten and a quarter inches, pliable… unicorn hair core… and a white moonstone concealed in the handle… You know, cypress wands are known to choose wizards who are self-sacrificing and loyal. The white moonstone chooses a wizard whose power of comforting others is strong... It’s a very good wand, a loyal wand. Excellent for most spells, but most especially for protective charms. Use it well, Master Lupin,” Ollivander had said, smiling when the wand had sparked stars at Remus’s touch. He’d wrapped it up in a box with purple silk lining and handed it to Remus. Sirius had paid the galleons it cost happily.

Now, Remus had taken it from the box and was waving it about, making various items levitate and fly about the room. This new wand seemed to work much better than his last had, a lot faster, with more zip than he was accustomed to. He shivered with excitement each time he touched it, feeling the power of it run through his arm.

Sirius was on the floor in a clearing he’d made by shoving the couch across the room, reading the assembly instructions on the tent that he and Remus had purchased at Wildlife Wizarding Experience and messing with the tent poles, attempting to run a trial set-up of it. “Bloody confusing directions,” muttered Sirius, Gottal label everything stupid. Like look at this - just look at it, Rey. Unfold Part A’s Section B and insert into Section A and Section C of Part A. Fix Part A Section A into Part M’s spigot labelled A.” He held up the two parts, “WHY DON’T THEY JUST SAY PUT ONE OF THE STICK THINGIES IN THE CIRCLEY THING?”

“Because stick thingies and circley thing are hardly proper manufacturer parts…” Remus answered.

“I mean does it ruddy matter if Part A goes in the A spigot?” Sirius demanded. “Parts A, B, C, and D are all exactly the bloody same thing.”

“Dunno,” Remus replied.

“I have a strong suspicion that the tent doesn’t give a ruddy damn what hole any of the parts go in, so long as you end up with a great big spidery-looking contraption when you’re finished for the canvas to go over,” Sirius said, and he proceeded to jam the pieces together, instructions be damned. He looked up at Remus as he worked and smirked, seeing Rey still turning the wand over and over in his fist. “At least one of us is thoroughly enjoying today’s purchases,” he commented.

Remus looked at him, realized he meant him with the wand, and laughed, “It’s just so much more powerful than my last one…” he muttered.

“Didn’t Mr. Ollivander get you a proper fit last time?” Sirius asked.

Remus blushed, “Well, see, my last one wasn’t a fitting… it was second hand… my mum and dad couldn’t afford a proper one..”

Sirius said, “Well blimey, my blast father’s done you a bit of a favor breaking that thing, then! It’s a wonder you’ve been as bloody powerful as you have at school the last three terms. Now you’ve got a proper wand -- well, the world best be on it’s knees before you, Rey.”

“Yeah…” Remus laughed and slashed at the air with his wand a little too hard, knocking over the fireplace tools with a clatter that made Sirius jump. “Oh dear I’m sorry!” Remus said in a rushed, panic-laden voice.

Sirius laughed rather uproariously.




That night was to be their last in the Leaky Cauldron before striking off onto the adventure Sirius’s brain had cooked up for them. The full moon was only a couple days away - which would afford them just enough time to get where they were going before the transformation would occur. Remus clutched onto the blanket and kicked his feet against the blankets to scratch the stinging of the scars. Every one of them across his body seemed to be aching and his joints were, too. He rolled over, trying to find some position that was comfortable, but no matter which way he turned the muscles in his back were pulled taught and he groaned in discomfort.

“Bad moon?” Sirius asked from the couch in the dark.

“It seems to be getting worse every month,” Remus complained.

There was a shuffling of blankets. “Are you alright?” Sirius was looking over the back of the couch again.

“My back feels like the muscles are about three inches shorter than they need to be to properly stretch the full length of me,” Remus answered. He was laying on his stomach, his back arched downward, his face contorted with pain, and then he froze, “Oh bloody hell, I can’t move, it hurts!”

Sirius jumped up and went over and knelt on the edge of the bed behind Remus and pulled back the blanket so he could get to his back. “Wait, no, don’t look. My back is horrible,” Remus begged, but Sirius had already done it. He wasn’t wearing a shirt and the scars across Remus’s back were so plentiful and awful that the sight of them made Sirius’s stomach flip over within him. Remus whimpered and pressed his face into the pillow in shame. “I know, I look like a monster,” he complained.

“You’re not a monster.”

“They literally make monster movies about people like me, Sirius, I am an actual, literal monster,” Remus said diplomatically.

“Do you believe everything you see in the cinema then?” Sirius asked.

Remus didn’t answer, he just kept his face in the pillow.

However, in all honesty, Sirius had to admit the scars were gruesome, though he’d never tell Remus that. He swallowed back his apprehension and pulled his jumper, afraid the sleeves would get in the way, tossing it onto the floor behind him. Carefully, he reached down and ran his palms over Remus’s back at the shoulders. Remus cringed a little at the touch, but he started relaxing immediately as Sirius used the heels of his hands to slowly start massaging along Remus’s spine. Part of him felt nervous at first, touching the scars, that he was hurting his friend in some way, or stretching them, or might reopen the wounds somehow with his touch - they were just so silvery-pink against his otherwise pale skin - but soon it became apparent he couldn’t do any damage to them. He worked at the knots in Remus’s muscles, some of them so tight he could actually feel the knots in them through the skin. Every now and then as he worked Remus would sigh or moan as the muscles relaxed and he seemed to melt across the pillows and mattress, like softened butter.

“Merlin’s beard,” Remus mumbled into the pillow. “You bloody are a wizard.”

Sirius laughed, the heels of his hands working on the bottom of Remus’s spine at the small of his back. “There we are…” he said, finishing up. “Better?”

“You’ve no bloody idea,” murmured Remus.

Sirius laughed and he fell back onto the bed beside Remus, their heads side-by-side the pillow, one facing up the other down. Remus turned his face so he was looking at Sirius in profile. A lot had changed in the month since they’d last been at Hogwarts, Remus reflected. Sirius’s perfect hair was just shaggy enough to be cool without being messy and the bottom of his chin had just enough scruff to show he was slowly becoming a man before Remus’s very eyes. His voice had deepened, too, since they’d said goodbye at Platform 9¾ at the end of Third Year and it no longer carried the high notes of adolescence, but stayed in Sirius’s lower register for the most part. A few words came out a bit higher, but Remus knew eventually even those would stay low as Sirius’s voice grew up.

“Have I changed at all since last month?” Remus asked.

“What?” Sirius looked over.

“Like did I look any different to you the first time you saw me the other day than I had last time you’d seen me?” Remus asked.

“You’re taller,” Sirius replied. “You’re taller than me now. Look.” Sirius pointed down the length of the bed. Remus’s feet hooked over the end of the mattress while Sirius’s were at least three inches away from the bed’s edge, ending some place above Remus’s ankles, despite them being eye-to-eye.

“James was taller, too,” Remus said.

“Not as tall as you, though. You’re our resident giraffe, Moony. The newly appointed Official Getter Of Things On High Shelves, Lord Moony of the Tall Folk.”

Remus laughed. “You’re mad.”

Sirius smiled and his teeth gleamed in the moonlight. “Barking.”

Remus snorted and shook his head, pressing his face into the pillow again, “How long have you been waiting to say that horrible pun?”

“Almost exactly a year,” Sirius answered.

Remus laughed.

Sirius scratched at the scruff on his neck absently, then said, “You’re thinner, too, than you were last year. Around your face, I mean. Like your cheeks. You’ve lost some of the baby fat in them. You’ve got cheekbones now.”

“I’ve always had cheekbones.”

“But you can see them now,” Sirius explained.

Remus looked back at him again.

“And right now your eyes are a perfect shade of hunter green. Your eyes are always changing though. Sometimes they’re brown, others they’re like honey. Right now they’re dark green.”

Remus said, “When I was little, whenever I was sad, my mum would come up to my room and she’d ask me, what’s wrong, green eyes? Because my eyes get greener the sadder I get.”

Sirius absorbed this a moment, then asked, “So you’re sad now.”

Remus nodded.

“I don’t like it that you’re sad,” Sirius said. “What color are they when they’re happy? Is that when they’re all chocolatey?”

Remus nodded again.

“Then I need your eyes to turn chocolate,” Sirius said and he rolled to face Remus, propping his head up with one arm. “Rey, I’m sorry all of this is happening to you. I’m sorry your dad’s being so terrible.”

“I knew he would be if he found out about me,” Remus said thickly. “I’ve always been a disappointment to him… He’s always been very uncomfortable with - with my condition.”

“Your furry little problem, Rey,” Sirius corrected. “Condition sounds dirty and you aren’t dirty, you’re very clean. You smell like soap.”

Remus smiled, “I won’t for long once we start camping.”

“Then you’ll smell like a mountain man,” Sirius said, “Keep growing like you have this summer and you could go join the giants.”

Remus laughed, “Blimey imagine that, an eighteen foot-tall werewolf.”

“No,” Sirius laughed, “You were bloody terrifying enough the height you are. Blimey. Do you reckon a giant could become a werewolf, though? What happens if a werewolf bites a giant? And if they can become werewolves, would they seriously stay size proportionate? An eighteen foot wofl? Seems like that would’ve been mentioned some place in the history books. Too bad Binns isn’t a better teacher, we could ask him.”

“You and your werewolf questions.”

“Oh I have loads more. Like what happens if a werewolf were on the moon?”

“He wouldn’t be able to breathe.”

“Well obviously we put a space suit on him, like Neil Armstrong. Like with an oxygen tank. We don’t just stick him on the moon all naked and stuff.”

“I wasn’t sure,” Remus laughed.

“Blimey, I’m not cruel.”

“Just curious.”

“Exactly.”

“Where else do you want to stick werewolves at in the name of educational stimulation?” Remus asked, smirking.

Sirius grinned, “In the ocean. Deep water diving. We’ll get a submarine - a yellow one, for good measure - and we’ll send a werewolf down to the bottom of the sea. You’ve seen those iron lungs that muggles use when they go underwater diving? We’ll get him one of those. And maybe some goggles.”

“Do they make wolf-shaped goggles, then?” Remus asked.

“You’re worried about finding wolf-shaped goggles, but not a wolf shaped space-suit?” Sirius asked.

“Well obviously the space suit would be custom made at the space center so that wouldn’t be a problem.”

“Except he starts out as a man and then turns into a wolf,” Sirius reminded him. “So the suit needs to start out man-shaped and then go wolf shaped.”

“They’d use a stretchy fabric. Obviously.”

Sirius snickered, “Obviously, Merlin, what was I thinking.”

“I don’t think either of us are really thinking right now,” Remus laughed. “What time is it?”

Sirius squinted at the clock over the mantel. “Looks like it’s after three in the A.M.”

“No wonder we’re talking nonsense.”

“This is very important. Scientific research is happening right here, right now. You and I are pioneers in the field of werewolf technology. We’ve just invented stretchy clothes for werewolf transformation in outerspace. We’re engineers!”

Remus smirked. “Your brain works in such a funny way, you’d make an excellent inventor of things, actually. Completely serious.”

“I’m always completely Sirius.”

“You’d have been very proud of me the other day. James said something about me being serious and I made that very joke. Just for you.”

Sirius grinned. “It’s my favorite of all the jokes. It always merits me a groan. I love making people groan with my terrible humor. I hope they put that on my grave stone one day. He had a bloody terrible sense of humor, he was just always so Sirius.”

“You’re an idiot is what you are,” Remus laughed.

“What do you want to be when you grow up, Rey?” Sirius asked suddenly, changing the topic, his mind having derailed with Remus’s declaration that he’d be a good inventor. He studied Remus a moment, waiting for an answer, trying to decide what he thought Rey ought to be.

“I want to be a teacher,” Remus said, “Like Professor Veigler.”

“Defense Against the Dark Arts and everything?” Sirius asked.

Remus nodded, “Yes. And once I’m appointed, I’ll stay longer than a year, and I’ll connect with the students. Like a Veigler-McGonagall hybrid. Like I’ll be really fun and the kids will all enjoy my class and they’ll sit in the Great Hall and say things like, blimey Lupin’s class was brilliant today. I’ll make them really interactive like Veigler had done. Like with the boggart and everything. And I’ll teach them amazing things. But I’ll also be their friend and mentor and care for them like McGonagall does. Like Veigler did for me.”

Sirius smiled, “You’d do wonderfully.”

“What about you, what do you want to be?” Remus asked.

Sirius took a deep breath and thought about it. What did he want to be? “Maybe an auror,” he said, shrugging, “I like keeping people safe. But I dunno, I don’t really fancy all the classes that takes.” Sirius shrugged, “Dunno… Well. Actually.” He said, “You know what I’d really like to do… Maybe it would fall under being a healer.”

“A healer?” Remus looked surprised. “Like Madam Pomfrey?”

“Yeah, well - no, not like Pomfrey. But more like for the mind… A mind healer. I dunno if such a thing exists… but… I dunno, maybe I’d like to travel about and find people who’ve been victims of werewolf attacks and talk to them, like make them feel better about it, and sort of help them to see they aren’t monsters.” Sirius said, “I could show them how to do the alpha-beta thing. I’d start a program. Or maybe a special school so that they aren’t crushed by stupid laws and they don’t have to feel so ashamed of their secret. I’d like to make them less sad.”

“You want to make their eyes chocolatey.”

Sirius laughed, “Yes. Exactly.”

“That’s nice. You’d be good at that,” Remus nodded. He could picture it in his head and it made him smile. “Sirius Black, Werewolf MD. You could have your own telly show.”

“Telly would love me,” Sirius nodded, “Merlin knows I’m good looking enough.”

“Are you ever,” muttered Remus.

Sirius’s eyes sparked with surprise at the statement, then he laughed and shook his head, “It’s still odd when you say things like that. I was being facetious, and then you’re all serious about it.”

“Well you are very handsome.”

Sirius actually blushed.

“Blimey, did I just make Sirius Black go red about the face?” Remus asked, incredulous. “Merlin’s beard, I’ve done the impossible.”

Sirius laughed, “Hush.”

“Can I tell you something without it being weird?” Remus asked.

Sirius looked over, “What’s that, mate?”

“I love you,” Remus replied, his voice positively solid with the words. After a long moment, he added, “You can take that whatever way you want to. I feel it in every way possible. You’re the best friend I could ever have. You more than exceed my expectations for what a best friend should be. So thank you. And I know you don’t hear it enough from home or anywhere else, so… so I’m going to say it again. I love you, Sirius Black, you’re fantastic.”

Tears lined Sirius’s eyes. “Blimey, you bloody wolf, you always gotta say just the most perfect things, don’t you?” He rolled onto his back. He felt a lump rise up in his throat and something occurred to him suddenly. “You’re the first person that’s ever said that to me in my entire life.”

Remus shook his head, “That’s not right.”

“It is, though.”

Remus sat up so he was looking down at Sirius from above, his face contorted with disbelief. “Nobody’s ever told you that they love you? Not even when you were young?”

Sirius thought about it really hard, his eyes moving as though searching the ceiling for the answer, reviewing every memory he possessed. Finally, he looked at Remus, eyes locking with his, and Sirius shook his head. “Never. Until right now.”

“That’s the saddest thing I’ve ever heard,” Remus said. “You’re the most lovable person in all the world and you’ve never been told.”

Sirius stuck an arm up behind his head. “I think it’s only you that thinks that about me, Rey. Maybe most people don’t think I’m lovable at all. Perhaps that’s why nobody’s ever said it to me.”

“Then they’re all idiots,” Remus answered, “And I’m the only smart person you’ve ever met.”

“Maybe,” Sirius answered.

They fell into silence and Remus laid back down, on his back now so they were side by side in the dark, both staring up at the ceiling, listening to each other breathe, each thinking very hard.

After a long time, Sirius said quietly, “You’re my best mate, too. I didn’t have any friends before Hogwarts, either, and finding you and James and Peter… I’d never been so bloody happy in my life.” Sirius paused and moved his hand, searching the space between them for a moment until he’d found Remus’s hand and he laced their fingers together. “I love you, too, Rey.”

Remus didn’t know what way to take it, so he took it as a friend, and he smiled and squeezed Sirius’s hand.