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Madder Than Alice’s Hatter


It had been a week since Sirius’s letter, and February was gone into March, already, Remus’s fifteenth birthday only just around the corner… but none of them were planning any celebrations. None of them felt much like celebrating at all, but most especially not Remus. Quite the opposite, Remus sat with Peter and James at the Gryffindor house table, but he may as well have been made of stone for all he said or did… he just stared at the table, pushing his food about on his plate whenever Peter nudged him and reminded him he should eat. “Keep up your strength,” Peter said in a consoling, parental sort of tone, “You can’t go starving yourself now… you’re looking peaky…” He’d watched Remus with concern for the past seven days as Remus’s meals went untouched. He was starting to lose weight and it worried Peter because Remus Lupin had hardly any weight on him to lose to begin with. “I have chocolate in my trunk upstairs,” Peter promised. But even chocolate wasn’t enough to get Remus excited.

His eyes were the color of damp moss after a rain.

None of the Marauders - or those who they’d let into the secret of Sirius’s mysterious disappearance (namely, Lily Evans, Frank Longbottom, and Ali Prewitt) wanted to be the one to say it, but they were all thinking it: if Sirius Black were alive and able to do so, certainly he would’ve written them an owl by now… James kept his last one in his robes pocket and routinely took it out to look it over to see if there were any clues of what had happened, any evidence of where Sirius might’ve been headed to, anything at all that could help them look for him… but there was nothing.

Sirius Black had disappeared… and finding him would be like trying to catch smoke with your bare hands.

There were two things that James held onto for hope - and kept him coming back to that letter searching for clues…

First, he kept a very close eye on Sirius’s brother, Regulus. Regulus was looking stressed, and as far as James could reckon it was probably because whatever affected his family would be affecting him. If Sirius Black was dead, then Regulus wouldn’t look so bloody nervous, would he? Whatever it was that had happened at Number 12 Grimmauld Place that had set Sirius on the run was certain to be a Big Deal and if Sirius had seen or heard something that he ought not to have seen or heard… well, him being missing would be plenty of a reason to set the family on edge. Plenty of reason for that sick, pale look that set about Regulus Black’s face.

The second thing that gave James hope was that, even though they hadn’t heard from Sirius, they also hadn’t heard from Voldemort or Orion. Perhaps, James kept trying to convince himself, perhaps the saying was true and no news really was good news. It seemed that if Orion Black had finally managed to kill his rebellious, long-hated son that there would’ve been a big deal made of it, like Sirius might’ve been made an example of -- here is what happens to rebels against the Dark Lord -- that sort of thing. But nothing had come at all.

And there were plenty of other deaths happening, tons of activity being reported everyday in the Daily Prophet, loads of horrible news stories.

For example, a whole family of muggles had been killed in their sleep, found torn apart in a most grisly fashion that Remus had said was probably the work of a member of Greyback’s pack - it was too ungraceful a job for Greyback himself. Rather, there’d been loads of children that had just disappeared from muggle schools all over the country and this was probably Greyback himself. He preferred younger blood, Remus explained, running his hand over his shoulder and keeping his eyes downcast. Then there was several witches from the Ministry that went missing for three full days - everyone in the country looking desperately for them only to have three snapped, wands, wrapped in blood-soaked Ministry official robes, sent via owl to the Minister for Magic, declaring war against the Ministry.

Eugenia Jenkins appeared on the front page of the Daily Prophet the next day, her photograph standing behind a podium, slamming her fist passionately against the wood surface as she read from a parchment, flanked by Gideon and Fabian Prewett, two of the highest ranking aurors that had not been elsewhere assigned (as Alastor Moody had been). “We must stand together as one,” the Prophet quoted her saying, “The entire Wizarding World must band together, forget our differences, overlook the worth of blood, and stand for what is good, what is true, what is right; stand for all things that Magic stands for. We must defeat He Who Must Not Be Named - burying him and his politics as deeply into the soil as it takes to see that he is returned to the hell from whence he came!”

BUT IS EUGENIA JENKINS ALL TALK? Demanded the cover of the following day’s Daily Prophet - followed by an article detailing all of the horrible things the Dark Lord had done in the time since she’d taken office - a list that took up two very crammed-up pages of the Prophet. And overnight it seemed the Minister had lost a good deal of popularity among the students of Hogwarts at least.

“A good Minister wouldn’t have let You Know Who rise to power to begin with!”

“He’d be in Azkaban if anyone with any brains were in office.”

James looked up from the letter he’d been looking over again - for about the millionth time - “Sirius said that the Minister was in trouble. Do you reckon that’s what’s happening? Do you reckon perhaps whoever wrote this article about her is working for You Know Who?”

Lily, who was sitting across from him, next to Remus, said, “Why would they do that?”

“Well this article reads like an advertisement for why the dark side is such a threat, isn’t it? I mean look at this stuff - the way it’s worded. It’s like they’re bragging.”

Lily frowned.

Frank Longbottom came in the room and sat himself down with them, leaving the seat directly beside James empty - that was Sirius’s seat and they’d all just instinctively left it empty, as though it were waiting for him to sit back in it at any moment… Frank looked about at them, “I know we’ve got plenty already, but… I have more bad news.”

“I don’t think I can take anymore,” Peter said.

Frank took a deep breath, “I’ve just been informed that Bilius Weasley was admitted to St. Mungo’s a couple weeks ago… He’s being treated for hysteria. My mum heard it from Molly Weasley’s Aunt Muriel.. They’re mates and Muriel said Bilius’s done cracked up. Madder than Alice’s Hatter, as she put it...”

“What about my what?” Ali Prewitt asked, sitting down beside Frank, leaning in to peck his cheek as she did.

“Alice in Wonderland,” Frank explained.

“Oh that was a lovely film,” Ali said, grinning, “I liked the funny caterpillar man.” Ali looked about at them, “What’re we talking about?”

“Bilius Weasley,” Frank replied.

“Oh,” Ali frowned, “Yeah, I heard about that, too…”

“Bilius isn’t mad,” said James firmly.

“I don’t believe so, either,” agreed Frank. “Bilius is a good chap. Been through it, though, that’s for sure.”

“It isn’t easy losing your best friend,” Lily input, thinking of losing Alice Bell in second year.

James shook his head, “No. You’re right. It isn’t.” He looked up from the platter of breakfast he was staring down at.

Remus suddenly let out a strangled cry. “BUBO!”

They all looked up and saw the owl swooping through the air, spiraling downward among the cluster of owls that had just flown in from the skylight windows. James leaped to his feet, extending his arm for Bubo to land upon and she did, perching right on his forearm with one taloned leg, extending the other out for someone to take the parchment tied there from her. Remus practically fell on the table to untie it, Pete catching him by the robes to keep him from flipping over the breakfast plates.

Remus tore open the letter, but deflated when he saw it wasn’t Sirius’s handwriting and passed the letter to James, sighing and falling back into his seat. James took the letter and shook it out with a sigh, frowning in discouragement. “It’s just my dad,” he said, and he set to reading about everything going on back home.

Lily reached over and ran her hand along Remus’s back. “You alright, Rey?” she asked.

He shook his head.

Lily wished she could tell him not to worry, but the words caught in her throat.

Suddenly James stood up. “I - I need to get my books up in the dormitory. Moony, come with me. Remus looked up at him. “Please?” James pressed.

“Alright…” he stood up, “I guess I’ll see you lot later… or you in class, rather, Lily.”

“Yeah, see you,” Lily said, nodding, watching the boys leave the Great Hall, Peter scrambling after James and Remus, with three strips of bacon held tight in his fist.

James scurried to lead the way up the staircase to the second floor, then, with a glance back to be sure Evans or one of the others weren’t following after, he grabbed Remus by the wrist and dragged him into the first empty classroom he could find. Peter hurried after them, only just making it into the room before James slammed the door and cast the colloportus on the lock. He turned quickly to the other two.

“What if Sirius hasn’t written us because he’s just not capable of it?” he asked.

“Well why wouldn’t he be capable?” Remus demanded.

James held out the letter. “Second page. Halfway down, mate.”

Remus reached up, taking the parchments and shuffling to the second page, his eyes moving down, across Charlus’s handwriting, which was nearly as messy as his son’s, until he found the paragraph James was referring to…


Yesterday evening, your mother and I were watching the telly - your mum’s hooked on that program you’re always going on about, that funny man with the long scarf and the whirly wand thingamajigger like the muggles use… So there we are, on the couch together, and there comes a sound outside. Your mum goes into an instant panic, of course (you know her). So I got my wand and I go out into the yard and there were a couple death eaters in the cul-de-sac, scrambling about at the edge of the fidelus… and running across the lawn came a form… You’ll never believe who it was, Jamesie! Collar and all….. Snuffles has come home!

Remus looked up from the letter, eyes wide.

James smirked.

“He’s a dog. HE’S A DOG. DOGS DON’T HAVE THUMBS! DOGS CAN’T WRITE OWLS!” Remus’s voice climbed with excitement.

“Mhmm…” James nodded, “And -- when he first turned… he turned without his wand in his pocket remember and couldn’t change back. Same happened to Peter -- remember when you went rat during the night and fell in the air vent?” James nudged Pete. “Can’t turn back without the wand, can you?” He looked at Remus, “And Sirius’s wand is upstairs. In Moody’s desk.”

Remus stared down at the parchment in his hands, “We gotta get that wand.”

James nodded, “We gotta get that wand.”

Peter looked between them, “Oh blimey. Breaking into the headmaster’s office? To steal a confiscated wand? You lot aren’t serious?”

Remus’s face broke into a grin, “No, but we’re bloody thinking like him.”

Peter’s face flushed with panic as James and Remus high-fived. “Oh hell, you lot are the ones that’re madder than Alice’s hatter!”

James petted Peter’s shoulder, “All the best people are, mate.”