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“Alright, you lot, new dormitory rules --” James announced. It was the next morning and James’s eyes were dark with lack of sleep from having been up half the night convincing Peter that Sirius would not kill him if they went up to the dormitory to go to bed. It had been an awkward first few moments of the day - Sirius still in Remus’s bed, the boys still tangled up under the sheets - Remus and Peter were both redder than tomatoes and neither could look the other in the eyes... “There will be absolutely no shagging in the dormitory.”

Sirius fired up at once. “You filthy, bleedin’ sod-off of a hypocrite!” he yelled, pointing at James.

“Hypocrite?” James asked, “How do you reckon I’m a hypocrite by saying no shagging in the dormitory?”

Sirius replied, “Because you know damn well if Evans waggled her eyebrows at you just right you’d be shagging like the carpet up here.”

James threw his pillow across the room. “You’re filthy,” he said as Sirius ducked the pillow and it sailed into the corner behind Remus’s bed. “I wouldn’t shag Evans in our dormitory - this is all of our room and --”

“Exactly! It’s all of our room,” Sirius said, “If Rey and I aren’t to shag here, where are we to shag.”

“Can we stop saying shag?” Remus pleaded.

“Yes, please,” begged Peter, who couldn’t erase the image from his mind of his two mates stacked as they’d been - he felt like he needed a good memory charm to wipe it out.

Sirius looked ‘round, “Would you rather I asked where we are to fuck then?”

“No, go back to shag,” Remus replied quickly.

James said, “Well whatever you want to call it - doin’ it, makin’ a double backed beast, makin’ love, fucking, shagging, the hanky panky, woo-hoo, whoopie or whatever other derogatory terms Sirius can think up - do it somewhere not in the dorm. You’ve traumatized Peter.”

Sirius snickered and looked over at Pete with a wicked grin.

Peter turned even redder.

“There always the Trophy Room Passageway or the Shrieking Shack,” murmured Remus.

“Exactly,” James said.

“And you’re gonna drag Evans out to the Shrieking Shack to boink her are you?”

James rolled his eyes, “Sirius, the odds of me ever boinking with Evans are very low, she doesn’t even give a pixie’s arse about me, alright, so stop using that as an example. I’ll probably never be boinked in my life. I’ll die boinkless.”

Sirius snorted. “You could go down to the common room and get at least four girls to agree to boinking you on the spot. They’d boink yer bloody brains out.”

“Bologna!” yelled James.

Remus nodded. “It’s true, you could. And that’s just the Gryffindors. And the girls. I reckon there’s probably a couple boys would boink you as well.”

Peter grabbed a pillow and held it over his head, covering his ears.

“And you’re a bloody lying lemming if you try and say you wouldn’t be up in the dormitory having a boink session if you was given’ the chance,” Sirius added. “‘Specially with Evans.”

“Well it doesn’t matter, does it, as I’m not with Evans.”

Sirius squinted, considering a moment, “December. December… fifteenth. Yeah,” he murmured.

“What?” James looked at Sirius like he had several heads on his shoulders. “What’re you on about, you nutter?”

Sirius turned to the other two boys - and Peter lowered the pillow from his ears to hear - “How much do you lot want to bet on The Jilly happening by December?”

The Jilly?” James repeated, “What the hell is that?”

“You and Lily. Perhas you’d prefer Pottans? Evotter?” He made a face, “Lilames? No, mate, The Jilly works best. And I reckon she’ll be boinking you by Christmas.”

“I was thinking closer to Easter than Christmas,” Peter said.

Remus shook his head, “You lot are ridiculous,” he said, “Lily Evans is a lady!”

Thank you,” James exclaimed.

“It’ll be at least next term - even if they got together by Christmas or Easter, she’ll make him wait before she boinks him,” Remus finished.

“Dirty double crosser,” muttered James.

Sirius rubbed his palms together, thinking this an easy way to make galleons. “Reckon Frank will take us up on these odds, too?”

“Probably,” Peter said, “Him and Alice both talk about James and Lily all the time.”

“And they don’t even know about the stag!” Remus said, laughing.

James’s face was red, “You lot are idiots!”

Sirius snickered, watching as James grabbed his broomstick and stormed out of the room, strutting off to blow off steam at the pitch. “You’d think he’d be happy we have so much confidence in his abilities to wear her down,” Sirius said. He looked at Peter, “Did you bastards set bets about me and Remus?”

Peter shook his head.




Lily Evans was in the library reading when Severus Snape came up and suddenly sat down beside her. “Where did you go last night?”

She didn’t even look up from her book, “For a walk, I told you.”

“Why were you meeting James Potter?”

Lily looked up and slammed the book cover closed. “Are you mental?”

Severus stared at her.

“You are. You’re mental.” She turned back to the book.

“Are you seeing him?”

“Yes, everyday in classes,” Lily answered with a snarky attitude.

“You know what I mean.”

Lily laughed, “You’re ridiculous for even asking it, Sev. I refuse to dignify that rubbish with an actual reply. Why in the world would you even dream that I was seeing James Potter?”

“He was with you last night, when you were sneaking out,” Severus replied. “I know he was. I could… hear him,” he said meaningfully.

“Well your hearing is broken, then,” Lily said, “Because he wasn’t there.”

Severus demanded, “Why are you lying to me? You can just tell me the ruddy truth!”

Lily rolled her eyes, “Even if I was seeing him, I wouldn’t tell you, just because of your ridiculous attitude. It wouldn’t be any of your business if I was seeing him.”

Severus replied, “It is my business.”

“How?”

“Because you’re my friend,” Severus answered, “And if you’re seeing a bullying prat like Potter then I have the right - no, the obligation - to warn you what an insufferable --”

Lily’s eyes glared at Severus so hard that he stopped mid-sentence.

“I just want to know because I don’t think you ought to be seeing him if you are,” Severus changed tact. “I care about you too much.”

“Well, luckily for you, I’m not seeing him.”

“Then why were you meeting him?”

“I wasn’t meeting him.”

“Then why was he there?”

“He wasn’t!”

“Lily, I know what I heard.”

“And like I said your hearing’s messed up because James Potter was not with me last night. I would have known it if he was. I was - alone.” She hesitated on the word because really she’d been with the stag, and in her mind that stag counted as someone.

Severus scowled. His hearing was not messed up. If Lily Evans was telling the truth - and the passion in her voice and her eyes told him that she most likely was - then she had no idea that James Potter had been there with her, following her through the castle and out onto the grounds… Which meant that James Potter had been stalking her, not revealing himself to her.Which meant that he was spying on her. Which meant that he was clearly up to no good.

But what no good was he up to?