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Sirius woke up in the hospital wing. Remus Lupin was asleep in a chair beside the bed, his head resting on the side of it, his arm draped up, over Sirius’s stomach and onto his chest, his fingers splayed over the newly healed skin… There were tear stains on his cheeks, still glistening in the sunlight that came in through the window. The ward was eerily silent aside from the sound of Sirius’s own breathing and the soft whistling of air going through Remus Lupin’s nose as he slept.

He went to rotate the gold band on his finger like he usually did and found the ring was gone. It took him a moment to remember throwing it at Remus. A lump rose up in his throat.

Sirius looked to his side and on the night stand he saw his wand and the gleam of the gold band. He reached for it, his fingers scrambling over the wood of the table top to pull it into his fist and his fingers closed ‘round the heavy band and he brought it to his chest, laying his fist over his heart, alongside Remus Lupin’s palm.

The movement woke Remus and he stirred, blinking a moment, the sun too bright. “Sirius?” he murmured and he lifted his head from the mattress, his palm falling away from Sirius’s chest. “You’re awake.”

Sirius nodded.

“Thank Merlin.” Remus stood up and leaned over, pressing his lips to Sirius’s forehead. “Thank Merlin.” He wrapped his arms around Sirius’s shoulders.

Sirius stared up at him as Remus drew away.

“Are you alright?” Remus whispered thickly.

Sirius nodded again.

“I was so worried,” Remus said, and he grabbed hold of Sirius’s fist - the one holding onto the ring, his hands cupping around the closed fingers. “What happened? How did you end up cut like that?”

Please. Don’t let me be right.

Sirius’s eyes were dark - the darkest grey Remus had ever seen them. He stared up at Remus. “I did it,” he whispered. “I did it to myeslf.”

Remus closed his eyes. He’d so wanted to be wrong. He had so wanted it to be someone that he could go and defend Sirius against. But he didn’t know what to do for this. He didn’t know how to protect Sirius from himself. “Oh my Padfoot…” he whispered and he lifted his fist to his cheek and hung his head. Remus sighed. “You can’t do that Sirius. You can’t cut yourself open. You could’ve died.” He squeezed Sirius’s hand. “We were terrified, all of us…. Why did you do it?”

“It wouldn’t come out,” Sirius breathed.

“What wouldn’t come out?”

“The dementor.”

“What dementor?”

“The dementor in my chest.”

Remus stared at Sirius for a long moment.

“It’s there, it’s in there… I can feel it…”

Remus said, “Sirius, you can’t have dementors in your chest. They don’t work that way.”

“I do… it’s there… it’s squeezing my heart.”

Remus stared at Sirius with wet eyes and shook his head, “No, Sirius, it isn’t… There’s just you in there, just you… and the darkness is a lie. You’re light - you’re a star, Sirius. You need to push the darkness out.”

“I was trying to!”

“You don’t need to cut yourself to get rid of the darkness.”

“How else is it supposed to come out?” Sirius started crying. He opened his hand and he looked at the ring in it and he held it out to Remus, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I threw it at you. I’m sorry I yelled. I feel so terrible for doubting you. I know you did’nt have anything to do with that horrible plan James’s had…”

Remus froze.

“I know you didn’t. I’m sorry I doubted you. I trust you, Remus. You’d never betray me like that. I’m sure you were just as shocked to see who he was with down there as I was, when you looked at the map. Am I right?” Sirius shook his head, and before Remus could answer, he held out the ring. “I don’t deserve it back. I don’t deserve you, I’m too dark, I’m horrible!”

“Sirius! You’re not -- please -- stop trying to give me back this ring!”

Tears ran over Sirius’s face.

“I’m not taking it back, Sirius. No matter how many times you try to give it to me. It’s yours and so is the promise that it came with. And that’ll stand whether you keep the ring or not. I’ll always love you, ‘til the day I die.”

Sirius’s hand shook and he closed his fingers back around the ring again.

“Where is this stuff coming from, mate?” Remus asked. He laughed quietly, “I’m supposed to be the one with the madness within, remember? It’s supposed to be the mad werewolf and his steaming hot boyfriend.”

Sirius laughed through his tears.

“There’s a laugh. Can I get a smile, too?”

Sirius shook his head.

“I’ll get one eventually,” Remus vowed. He kissed Sirius’s chin. He paused, staring into Sirius’s eyes. “I’m gonna say something and it’s going to piss you off and you’re going to say no, but I want you to know that I’m saying it because I love you, alright?”

Sirius stared up at Remus.

“You need help, Sirius.”

Just as Rey predicted, Sirius shook his head, “No…”

“You need to tell Pomfrey about the dementor,” Remus said thickly, “And she can get you potion that will help… it’ll help you to feel better and --”

“I’m not crazy, Rey,” whispered Sirius.

“I know you aren’t, but you need help to get this dark out of you.”

“Rey, I’m a Black. If I tell anybody that I have darkness in me they’ll assume the worst.”

“Then tell Minnie.”

“Minnie?” Sirius gave Remus a funny look, like he was a lunatic.

“Yes. Minnie will listen.”

“I’m not telling Minnie.”

“Sirius, you need to talk to somebody - somebody besides me and James and --”

Sirius cut him off before he could say Peter. “I’m not talking to James Potter.” His voice was hard and sharp. “Me and Potter are finished.”

Remus stared at Sirius, “You can’t mean that.”

“I do,” Sirius answered.

“You don’t,” Remus said, shaking his head, “You’re just angry, the same as you were at me and --”

Again, before Remus could say Peter’s name, Sirius had cut him off, “He betrayed me, Rey. He went behind my back, deliberately after I told him not to do it, and talked to Regulus.”

“Sirius, James is your best friend. And you’re his. You can’t just stop being his friend because he spoke to your brother!”

“Yes I can. And if he needs me so bad he can use his fake me as a replacement.”

Remus shook his head, “Sirius, you need James, too.”

“I don’t need him.”

“You do.”

Sirius looked down at the ring in his palm again, turning it over with his fingers.

“Give it time,” Remus whispered.

Sirius sniffled, but his jaw was set.




Out in the hallway, James was pacing nervously, Peter standing by, watching. “Why don’t you just go in?” he asked.

Jame shook his head. “He doesn’t wanna see me.”

“Maybe he does.”

“He doesn’t.”

“You dunno unless you go in.”

“Except I do know.”

“He’s not kicked Remus out yet,” Peter pointed out.

“I’m not Remus,” James replied.

“You’re James,” Peter said.

James shook his head, “I just know, alright?”

Peter sighed.

Suddenly down the hall came Maryrose, breathless one more. She was herself again now, though, she she stared at James with wide, wild eyes. “Kreacher’s just come to Regulus,” she breathed, “Something’s happened and they’re taking the Minchum girl from Grimmauld Place. If we’re going to save her we have to go right now. Regulus can’t go, he’ll get in trouble, but you and I can.”

James felt sick.

His mind wandered to the parchment on the wall in the Shrieking Shack. The parchment drawn with a coal from the firepit in the Divination Classroom.

Only he had recognized Maryrose’s face in the strokes across the page - and he’d never told anyone what he’d seen.

Only he had known that she would eventually be coming for him like this from the moment Regulus had shouted the words that Lucy Minchum was at Number 12 Grimmauld Place.

He’d just never imagined it would be so soon.

“What’s happened?”

“Dunno,” said Maryrose, “But I saw Kreacher myself. They’re there now - half the Death Eaters and Voldemort himself.”

James looked to Peter. “I gotta go.”

Peter nodded, “I’ll tell Rey what happened.”

“Get the Order,” James said. “We may need them.”

Peter nodded.

And he watched as James and Maryrose ran off down the corridor.