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A Silly Reason


“Sorry about that whole display out there,” James said sheepishly. “I don’t normally cry like that. It’s usually far more… distinguished looking.”

Lily nodded. “Yes, I’m sure you cry very manly tears under different circumstances.”

James wasn’t sure if she was being sarcastic or not. He had a feeling she was by the way she sort of half-grinned and turned to focus on the thermos she was pouring out. Hot coffee fell into the mugs and she pushed one across the table to him. He picked it up and stared down into it. James didn’t usually drink coffee, and the could see the nutmeg she’d shaken in floating about the cup. He didn’t know if he liked nutmeg or not - but Lily Evans had made this for him, so it was destined to be his new favourite drink.

He gingerly took a sip.

Lily sat down at the chair across from him at the table and sipped her coffee, too, watching him. “You know, James, it’s alright if you cry now and again. Everyone does now and again. Even boys.”

“I know,” James murmured. He thought of his dad and the great tears he had cried earlier that day. He sighed, “I just don’t like you thinking I’m weak.”

“Weak?” Lily lowered her mug, “I’d have to be mad to think you were weak, Potter! Crying doesn’t mean you’re weak, it means that under all that ego and hair and swagger you’re a human being with actual feelings.” She shook her head, exasperated, “Honestly! James Potter. Weak. That’d be the day!”

The corners of James’s lips tweaked up slightly, “Yeah?”

“Yeah. You’re obnoxiously strong.”

“Obnoxiously strong?” James laughed.

“Yeah, always strutting about, saving the day everywhere, being all James Potter-y,” Lily nodded and swiveled her coffee about, “It’s sort of nice to see you’re not a robot in a skin suit after all.”

“Sometimes I reckon it’d be easier if I was,” he mumbled. He leaned back in the chair and stared up at the sky. There were a good deal of stars hanging about the moon up there and James ran his hands through his hair. “Then I could power off when things go blue and things like broken hearts would only require a quick run to the shop for repairs.” He smiled at the thought of it.

“Careful, you’re sounding like a recruitment video for the Cybermen.”

James made a sound like the TARDIS, “Vworp, vworp, vworp...”

“Yes precisely, the Doctor will show up and zing you with his sonic screwdriver.”

“Not if I don’t zing him first,” James replied, and he reached for his wand, then laughed, “Well, maybe not, as my wand’s upstairs.”

Lily shook her head.

James sipped his coffee again.

Lily sipped hers, too.

They stared at one another over the mugs.

When James lowered his, he wiped his mouth with his palm and cleared his throat. “So. So um…” he looked about. “So Sirius told you to come, huh? You gonna… I dunno… write him and tell him how I fractured my wrist and cried and rusted up all my robot parts before you?”

Lily laughed, then, in a serious tone, “I’ll write him and tell him you’re alright.”

“Good. I don’t want him to feel like he has to come home. He doesn’t. I’ll be fine, really.”

“And I’m here.”

“Yes,” James nodded. “Yes you are. You - are here.” James stared at her a long moment. “Honestly only half of my believes that even now.” He paused as Lily laughed and rolled her eyes and he said, “Tell me, love, does Heaven know they’re missing an angel…?”

“Oh gag me, Potter,” Lily said, but she was laughing even harder.

“Evans, you must be blocking quaffles left and right for you’re a Keeper.”

“Bugger off,” she giggled.

“No, Evans, really, are you a broom? ‘Cos you’ve swept me off my feet.”

Lily shook her head, “How long can you do this for?”

James smirked. “Well, depends Evans. Do you have any raisins?”

She eyed him.

“No? How about a date?” His smirk grew. His eyes twinkled.

“James Potter.”

“Also known as Mr. Right?”

“Stop.”

“Alright.” He looked down at the coffee. Then back up at her. “That’s what you mean by me being obnoxious, huh?”

“It’s one of the more mild examples,” Lily laughed.

“I’m sorry I do things like that, Evans. It’s just sometimes I look at you and my mouth starts moving before I really think how annoying I sound.”

“Mhm.”

“It’s just you’re so damn pretty.”

Lily shrugged. She stared down in her cup, then reached for the thermos and refilled the mug. She glanced up at him - he was staring at her. Then -- “Is the only reason you like me because you think I’m pretty?”

“Oh no, Evans, definitely not,” James shook his head, “That would be horribly shallow of me.”

“Then why do you like me?”

“Must I count the reasons?”

“Yes.”

James leaned back in his chair. Then, “I like our banter.”

She hadn’t expected him to have an answer. “Our banter?”

“Yes. When we -” and he did air quotes for this, “-fight- ...our banter.”

Lily imitated the air quotes, “Potter I don’t think we’re -fighting- when we do that, I think we’re fighting.”

“Nawh. We’re not really. Because half the time I don’t give a damn how the argument turns out. Half the time I’m just saying things to keep you talking to me. Because if I push you long enough you say something really sassy and it’s adorable.”

“Adorable! Potter, you’re ridiculous, I mean really.”

He smirked.

Lily blushed.

His eyes twinkled, “And then you blush and your face is as red as your freckles when you blush and that’s adorable, too.” He smiled as her freckles disappeared in the rush of pink to her cheeks.

“So you enjoy making me angry with you then?” Lily said.

James nodded.

“Figures.”

James laughed, “I also like how you stand up for yourself, usually anyway, how you don’t take bull from anybody. I like that you have fight in you. You’re brave. I love how you mother everyone around, no matter who they are. If somebody’s hurt, you mend it. Like you overhear that Sirius needs a wand pocket so you step in and sew one in. You tuck people’s hair in if it falls free.”

Lily laughed, “That’s a silly reason to like somebody.”

“You’re the one that wanted me to list off the reasons,” he reminded her. “I also like the way you say my name.”

Lily looked surprised. “What?”

“You say my name funny.”

“James?”

He smiled. “It’s subtle. I can’t even say that it’s the way you pronounce it or anything, and I can’t imitate it, don’t ask for me to. It’s like you emphasize the ay of it. Jayymes. Nobody says it like that besides you. And I love it.”

Lily flushed again.

“And there you go with the freckles.”

“Gods, Potter!”

He laughed, then, “You know what I love most of all?”

“What’s that?”

“You care about people so much you do things like drive all the way to Godric’s Hollow just to bring them a mug of coffee.” He stared at her.

“There’s more if you want it,” she said.

James nodded and she poured his cup.

“There are loads of reasons to love you Evans, I didn’t even scrape the surface of the reasons just now. You’re brilliant and beautiful, inside and out.”

Lily didn’t know what to say, she stared at the thermos as she screwed the lid back on and she could feel her cheeks pinkening and James cheersed her with the fresh mug and she put the thermos down as he sipped. She sipped her own coffee and they sat in silence for quite some time, the things he’d said just hanging there between them as they drank the rest of the coffee she’d brought - taking it in turns to look at the other and smile sort of shyly.

When it was time for her to go, James walked her out to the Morris Mini, his hands in his pockets and glancing about the street to be sure she was safe, the yellow glow of the lamp pooling around the car. He held out his hand as they approached it, “Keys,” he requested.

“What?”

“Give me your keys, I want to get the door for you like a gentleman.”

She laughed and reached into her pocket for them, pulling them out, and dropped the keys into his palm and watched as James Potter sprang ahead of her, bent to unlock the door, and pulled it open, holding her keys up for her. “Your ride, m’lady,” he said in a funny voice and bowed his head.

“Thank you James.”

He smiled.

She took the keys and hesitated for a moment when their fingers brushed, then got into the car with a flush and pulled the door shut behind her. She paused, putting the key into the ignition, and unrolled the crank window. He leaned down against the frame of the window. “Let me know you need anything at all, alright? Send Bubo and I’ll come right over,” she promised.

“Anything? Even if it’s just… I’m bored and lonely and want to play exploding snap?”

“Even that.”

He paused. “You wanna come watch Doctor Who with me on Saturday?”

“Alright.”

He smiled. “Alright. I’ll make breakfast.”

“Alright.” She stared up at him awkwardly.

“Thanks for coming, Evans,” he said.

Lily nodded.

He wanted to kiss her.

She wouldn’t have minded if he had.

But he didn’t.

Instead he stood upright and patted the roof of the Morris Mini. “Drive safely, Evans.”

“I will.”

He stepped back as she shifted the car and pulled away from the curb, turning the car ‘round and driving off. He watched the little red car go down the road to the corner and the little blinker flickered and she turned, waving as she disappeared ‘round the end of the street. James put his hands back into his pockets and he turned and walked back to the house.

He didn’t notice the small scrap of paper that had fallen from her pocket when she’d pulled out her keys.

But Lily did. Much later that night, sitting in her bedroom, she remembered she needed to destroy the paper and she grabbed her jumper and emptied the pockets… but it wasn’t there. She panicked and snuck back out of the house and combed through the Morris Mini. She was so worried that she actually drove all the way back to Godric’s Hollow, her hands clutching the wheel, and she got out and searched the sidewalk, searched the curb and the lawns, searched the bushes in front of the Potter house and even the island of the cul-de-sac. But there was nothing anywhere, no little parchment to be found.

Not anymore.

It had already been found.