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You Ruddy Pickle


On Friday morning, the Marauders were goofing off outside of the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, waiting impatiently for Professor Urquart to arrive. They had knicked a tangerine from the dining hall Sirius and James were using it like a ball, kicking it into the air and taking it in turns to catch it with the toes of their shoes, bouncing it about a few times from instep to toe before kicking it back to the other one, laughing as they did it, eager to see how long they could keep the tangerine from hitting the floor. “OHHHHHHH POTTER!” Sirius shouted when James missed the tangerine and it went rolling down the corridor, James chasing after it, “YEEEEAH! WHO’S THE BEST AT SPORTSING NOW? I RECKON IT’S ME!”

“Sportsing?” Remus looked up with a smirk.

The tangerine rolled ahead of James - admittedly magicked along by Sirius who snickered as he watched James trying to catch it - until it bumped into Lily Evans’s mary-jane shoe and came to a stop. James picked the tangerine up and stood upright, his eyes meeting Lily’s.

“Well it looks like you lot are having fun as usual,” she commented.

“Yeah,” James said, “Orange you used to us playing about by now, Evans?”

Lily laughed.

She expected him to stand there and talk to her all awkwardly like he usually did. Normally, he would have stood there ‘til Sirius had to call him back to attention and she’d call him a git for stumbling over his words like he would’ve done and told him to bugger off and so play with his stupid dog, but Sirius didn’t have to call him, and she didn’t have to tell him to go play with his dog… James simply turned away without talking anymore with her.

She blinked in surprise as he said, “Alright Black, prepare yourself for the most ruddy brilliant display of tangerine kicking you’ve ever seen!”

“Because there’s such a lot of tangerine kicking to compare it to,” said Peter with a smirk and a nudge to Remus’s shoulder.

Remus laughed automatically, but didn’t look up from his text.

James set to kicking the tangerine with several show-offy flourishes, his mouth split into a wide grin and Peter was appropriately impressed, clapping his fat little hands. James kicked the fruit to Sirius, who tried to copy the steps James had done, but he dropped the tangerine and he had to chase after it the same as James had done. “Yeah, go fetch that ball like a good doggy, Shhhhhhhhnufflalufffles!” James said, his voice dripping with mockery as he watched Sirius run down the hall, his boots thumping on the carpet.

“Are you going to Hogsmeade tomorrow, Potter?” Lily asked.

James turned around, “What? Oh. Yeah, Hogsmeade. Yeah, I’m going with the lads.” He waved at Peter and Remus.

“Oh that’s lovely,” Lily said. She was hugging her textbook to her chest. “Are you… I mean, do you reckon you’ll be thirsty at all? I was thinking of going for a butterbeer at the Three Broomsticks at some point and perhaps --”

“HEADS UP POTTY!”

The tangerine came flying through the air and hit James in the back of the head, knocking his glasses forward down his nose. He turned on the ball of his feet and snatched the tangerine from the air, mid-fall, and chucked it back at Sirius, “You bloody scoundrel!” he shouted, and he shoved his glasses back up his nose as Sirius threw it back at him again and James ducked - Lily jumped to the side as the tangerine flew past her - and James drew his wand. “Accio tangerine!” The fruit flew back through the air toward him and with a wave of his wand, the tangerine went past James and on to hit Sirius in the chest, and the poor battered skin of the thing burst on the impact and a good deal of citrus scent filled the hall as the juice exploded against Sirius’s oxford.

“GAAH!” Sirius shouted in protest, “My shirt! You’ve soiled my shirt before Minnie’s class you bastard! Now she’s gonna be appalled by my uniform!”

“Change your shirt your git.”

“The others are dirty.”

“So go shirtless, see how appalled she is by that.” James laughed at the imagined image of McGonagall reacting to a bare chested Sirius Black in the classroom.

“And turn Moony on?” Sirius asked. “He’s got enough problems today without wanting to shag me like a sailor on leave!”

Remus looked up - smirked - then looked back down without denying it.

Sirius went on being dramatic until Peter got up and said, “For pity’s sake are you a wizard or no?” and siphoned away offending juice stain.

As the boys all laughed at Sirius, Lily tried to laugh, too, but it was awkward because she didn’t feel like they were including her despite her being right there and when Professor Urquart opened the door to the classroom, James went inside with Peter while Sirius bounded back to tug Remus Lupin to his feet from the floor, knowing that his muscles and bones were sore thanks to the full moon that gleamed upon his forearm.

Lily sank into her seat beside James and kept stealing glances up at him as he opened his textbook and prepared his quill and parchment for notes. Urquart started the lesson, teaching them some advanced blocking and rebounding spells that worked in ways differently than shield charms. James’s hair fell over his forehead and he concentrated on taking very good notes because Remus was looking peaky over there and they’d need good notes for studying with.

Lily purposely tried to let her hand linger between them, hoping to brush him to get his attention but James was busy concentrating and ignored her.

In the hall after, Sirius was late to lunch to take Remus out to the Shack and James and Peter went on to the Great Hall, followed by Lily. At the table, when lunch was nearly over and she’d sat there listening to Frank and James going on about Quidditch the whole time, Lily tried again to breach the conversation she’d started outside Defense. “You said you’re going to Hogsmeade, yeah, Potter?”

“Yeah,” he replied absently, opening his third helping of sandwich to remove the pickles. “Gods, why would anyone in this world even invent the pickle? It’s the Voldemort of condiments.”

Frank overheard this and said, “Imagine dueling You Know Who and you’re trash talking and you’re like, You ruddy pickle!”

James laughed so hard he honked and the sound reminded Lily of her stag and she felt a pang in her heart and she cleared her throat and nudged him gently, trying to get his attention back to her. “Potter - I’m going to Hogsmeade too,” Lily said. Alice and Frank were smirking over at her and she flushed, then, “Are you going with anybody?”

Normally, she thought, this would have triggered a series of relentless begging for her to go with him and for a moment she relished the idea of getting to see the surprised look on his face when she said yes to him.

James said, “I already told you I’m going with the lads.”

No mention of her going with him.

Sirius arrived back and flung himself onto the bench between Lily and James and set to grabbing sandwiches as casually as could be, not wanting anyone to ask where he’d been

Not ready to give up, Lily flushed, “Well sure but you won’t be busy with them the whole day, will you?”

“Dunno,” James answered. He grabbed a handful of chips and poured seasoning upon them.

“Well you’ll get thirsty, won’t you? What about a drink at the Broomsticks like I suggested before?”

“I’ll have to see what Sirius and the lot want to do.” He shrugged.

“I mean just you and --”

Peter spoke up, “As long as we go to Honeydukes, I don’t care what else we do.”

“Of course Pete! Honeydukes is a must. I have to restock on Remus’s chocolate supply anyhow!” James grinned and turned away from Lily Evans to focus on Peter.

Lily’s face flushed.




After Transfiguration, Peter went to fetch dinners and James and Sirius went to the dorm to get supplies like warm jumpers and changes of clothes for the lot of them so nobody would think it odd they were hanging about in Hogsmeade with their uniforms and they were on the way out when Lily caught up with them, walking down the stairs to the Great Hall. “Are you cross with me, James?” she asked.

“Nope,” James answered.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, why?” he looked at her.

“It’s just that -- you’re acting funny.”

“Acting funny, Evans?” he asked.

‘Yeah.”

“Funny how?” he asked.

“Just… funny,” she answered.

“I reckon I’m funny most of the time, don’t you Padfoot?”

“A regular comedian, Prongs,” Sirius answered, smirking.

“You know what I mean,” Lily said.

James shrugged, “Sorry Evans I haven’t any idea.”

They had reached the entrance hall now and Peter was waiting at the door for them and Sirius said, “We’ll see you tomorrow, Evans.”

James looked at Sirius.

Lily said, “Yeah?”

“Yeah! We’ll do that butterbeer you suggested.” Sirius grinned.

Lily looked very relieved. “Okay.”

“What’re you doing?” James hissed as they walked away, “We’re in the middle of a row, her and I, and I don’t want to go to the Broomsticks with her.”

“Well I do,” Sirius replied, “So suck it up, Potter.” And he whomped James on the back, “It isn’t always about what you want, you specky git.” He led the way running off acros the grounds to the Whomping Willow.