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Not the Right Time


Sirius stood on the platform by the train, staring back over the trees to the castle. He rocked himself on his boots anxiously. “Come on, Padfoot,” Remus said, grabbing Sirius’s hand insistently.

Sirius resisted. “I should go back. I should go home with him. He shouldn’t have to be alone up there in the hospital wing.”

Remus sighed, “Minnie said this way was better… Ned’ll be waiting at King’s Cross and Mr. and Mrs. Potter will come for James and he’ll be back at the house before we are, even.”

Sirius stared longingly at the castle.

“You said you guys did your weird… vibey… whatever thing last night, yeah?” Remus pressed.

“Yeah but -- only for a second.”

“So he knows you’re sorry.”

“I haven’t apologized proper.” Sirius’s voice was agonized. “Remus, he almost drowned.”

Behind them, the Hogwarts Express whistled and hissed, the final call for boarding.

Remus said, “Sirius… come on, we gotta get on the train.”

Sirius stared at the castle spires, but Remus took a firm grasp on his arm and pulled him onto the Express and down the corridor. “Lily said he woke up,” Remus added, “So he’s okay.”

Sirius rubbed his forehead anxiously. “I can’t believe bloody Hagrid, letting that dock get so out of repair it would just… break like that! It’s so unlike Hagrid.”

“He’s had a hundred thousand other things on his mind, I’m sure. With Fluffy getting so big and everything, that dog can’t be easy to take care of, and he’s got all the grounds to care for, too. All the vegetable gardens, all that decorating for Christmas…”

Siris sighed.

They’d reached the compartment on the Express that had long ago been staked as The Marauders compartment and Remus pushed open the door to find it wasn’t empty. Lily Evans was sitting already on one of the benches, her legs twisted about like a pretzel, holding the snowglobe James had given her the year before. The snow inside blew about wildly.

She looked up as they entered. “I hope you don’t mind if I sit with you. Please, I don’t want to be alone with all those snivelling girls in the other compartment, all crying over James like they are.”

“Of course you can sit with us,” Remus replied.

“You fucking better be sitting with us!” Sirius added, “I’d have it no other way!”

Lily wiped tears from the corners of her eyes as Sirius and Remus sat on either side of her, each hugging her so their arms crisscrossed over her back.

“Did you at least get to tell him before it happened?” Sirius asked.

Lily shook her head.

Sirius sighed.

Remus leaned forward and looked up at her, “This isn’t your fault.”

Lily covered her eyes.

“He’s right,” Sirius said, “It isn’t! This is Hagrid’s fault for not fixing that bloody dock like he ought to be doing! Imagine if it had broken back in September under all those firsties? They were already scared… James and I were down in that corridor checking on them and they were so frightened… Bloody hell, I reckon if the dock had fallen apart like that under them they probably all would’ve just packed and gone home on the spot.”

“Oh I don’t even want to think of how horrible it would’ve been if it was the first years! It was terrible enough with it being me and James, with him knowing enough magic to save us both!” Lily shivered. “The fact that the only damage done was a small cut to his forehead is a miracle.”

Sirius nodded.

“I hope it doesn’t leave a scar,” Lily murmured.

“It isn’t fun having scars on your face,” Remus agreed. He frowned.

Sirius moved his hand to touch Remus’s arm and Remus looked over Lily’s back at Sirius and smiled.

“So you told him you’re in love with him in the hospital wing then, yeah? Bet that got his blood pumping! Woke him up real fast with that, didn’t you?” Sirius beamed. “Gods what I wouldn’t give to have been in the room when you told him. Did he cry? I bet he cried. Like a bleedin’ baby. Yeah? Did he?”

Lily hesitated. “I… I didn’t tell him.”

“WHAT?” Remus and Sirius both said it at once. “What do you mean you didn’t tell him?!?!” Sirius demanded, dropping his arm from her shoulders like she was suddenly nothing to him. He flung himself across the compartment to the bench across from her and splayed himself over the length of it. “Oh gods Evans, how could you?!”

Remus said, “You’re not reconsidering! Please don’t reconsider…”

“It just didn’t feel… right,” she said, flushing, “Something about it wasn’t right. The timing wasn’t right or something.”

“HE HAD JUST SAVED YOUR LIFE!” Sirius cried, arms flailing over his head dramatically. “HOW IS THAT NOT THE RIGHT TIME?!”

Lily looked at Remus, imploring him to understand.

“Don’t look at me, I’m internally doing all of that,” Remus said, waving at Sirius, who was withering in agony on the opposite bench.

“I don’t know, he was disoriented when he first woke up, you know? He was babbling sort of, saying weird things, and you could tell he wasn’t totally with it yet, you know? I just really want him to be fully coherent when I tell him.”

“He’s going to probably pass out the second you do anyway,” Sirius whined. “Gods Evans.”

Lily sighed. “I just want it to be right.”




Severus Snape sat in bed. He’d exaggerated how much his head hurt to get out of travelling on the Hogwarts Express with Remus and Sirius. He wanted to put off being ‘round those two for as long as possible. He was reading a book he’d plucked from a short shelf by the door in Pomfrey’s office when his arm burned a bit where the Dark Mark would be if he were himself - his reminder to take his potion.

He glanced toward the office, saw Pomfrey was distracted, and carefully pulled a bottle from his robes, took a mouthful of Essence of James Potter, and made a face as it went down. Good for another hour. He put the bottle back into his robes.

Suddenly the door burst open. “WHERE IS HE? WHERE’S MY BOY?”

Severus looked up. A frantic man that looked like a tall, glasses-less version of James can running through the door, spotted him, and ran for him. “James!” he yelled, hugging Severus tight. “You’re alright? Truly alright then?” he paused and held James out at arm’s length to look him over. “Bloody hell, son, whenever Minerva contacted me… My heart about stopped.”

Severus was in awe. Last time he’d seen Charlus Potter had been at some attack of the Resistance and he’d looked sickly then. Now, Charlus was strong and his shoulders filled out and he no longer looked sickly. The transformation was incredible.

As though the illness had never occurred.

“So the dock just… fell apart?” Charlus asked, looking into what he thought was his son’s face.

“Yes… father.” Severus had no idea how to talk to a father, it suddenly occurred to him.

Clearly this was not the way to do it. Charlus looked confused.

Luckily, that was the moment that Dora came in behnd him, her voice more shrill than Charlus’s as she ran over and joined them, hugging both Charlus and Severus close.

Severus’s heart ached.

As much as he’d loved her - it had been with all of his heart, after all - never once had Eileen Prince held him the way Dora Potter was now.

“Are you alright, my baby?” whispered Dora, pulling back and gently stroking his face.

He had tears threatening his eyes. He nodded.

“Oh James,” she whispered and she pulled him closer because - above all else - she could feel how much this boy needed a hug.