Faithfully
Chapter 14
By Dottie
Copyright 2014
Nick's POV
I can tell you this, it’s a weird being in a real bed again. I can't fall asleep. I keep thinking about Jessi. She's in the room next door to me. AJ and I tried to check up on her but she didn't answer. I hope she's resting.
I glance at the clock. Almost 7:30. She needs to eat dinner. I guess we all do. I push myself up, wincing. My muscles are stiff from lack of use. I look down at my body, thoroughly disgusted at how I let myself go. But over the last few months, I didn’t have a reason to stay in shape.
I go into the bathroom and stare at myself in the mirror. I had my hair cut in Mexico but I kept the beard. I just had it trimmed a little bit so I’d be more presentable. I know I've put on weight thanks to the booze. Keeping my face hidden with the beard is more of a defense mechanism than anything. I don't want Jessi to see me like this. Part of me wishes she still hated me.
I lower my eyes. Who am I kidding? When I first saw her my heart started beating again. When her hand first touched my mine I felt a tiny ray of hope that someday I could hold her in my arms again. Yes, I’m a great big sap, but I’ve missed her so much. She’s everything to me and always will be.
And the baby. Can it be true? She seems certain. I spent years thinking I could never be a father. Now I see Jessi heavy with child...MY child. The thought of being a father scares the shit out of me. But the thought of never knowing my child is scarier. The thought of never seeing Jessi again is the scariest of all. What if I let her down again? What if I'm a failure?
I'm drawn from my thoughts by the phone in my room ringing. It's probably AJ. I sit on the bed as I grab it. "Yeah?"
After a brief pause Jessi says, "Hey Nick."
I'm speechless. "Umm...hi."
She clears her throat. "I...can we talk?"
My grip tightens on the phone. "Of course we can. What's wrong?"
I can almost see her chewing on her lip. Finally she says "I...talked to Thad. He...he has an idea. I think it may be the best option...under the circumstances."
I know Thad only has Jessi's best interests at heart so this doesn't worry me. "What did he suggest?" She's quiet for so long I whisper "Jessi?"
She clears her throat. "Can you come to my room? So we can talk? Please?"
I can't believe she's asking me that. "What...do you want me to bring AJ?"
I nearly miss it when she stammers, "No...I just...unless you think it would be better..."
I cut her off. "No...I'll be right there."
After I hang up I start shaking. What if this is a bad idea? What if she tells me to take a hike? In all honesty part of me wants to just run...find a new place to hide and forget. But I can't run from Jessi. I'll do whatever I can to make her happy.
After I knock on her door, I hear her call out, “Come in.” I slowly step into the room to see her sitting on the edge of the bed. This is a bad idea. All I want to do is stretch out on that bed with her and get lost in her once again.
I grit my teeth, pushing aside thoughts of loving Jessi and say, “Are you ok?”
She nods, giving me half a smile. “Yeah, I’m ok. Just tired.” She scoots back to lean against the head board. “Sit down Nick. I…I have a lot to say.” Once I’m seated by her legs, she says, “I…I don’t think I can go back to Canada now. And…well…I don’t think flying home is a good idea either…under the circumstances.”
I can feel my eyes bug out of my head in shock. “What? Why? What’s wrong?”
She rubs her stomach. “I…I called my doctor back home. Considering I’m just shy of 32 weeks, a long flight back could be difficult. Even flying to Canada at this point is iffy. I just...I have to think about Haley Jo.”
I nod my agreement. “I get it. I was almost crazy when we were on the plane. I…I don’t know a lot about pregnant women, but I do know about flying. It can do weird things to your body. And you’re so tiny…”
She blushes. “Yeah, why couldn’t I grow up to be a normal sized adult?”
I reach for her hand and whisper, “You’re perfect, Jessi.”
She blushes. “Well, let me tell you what I’m planning on doing.” I nod and she continues. “I’m going to find a doctor here and probably rent a house…just till Haley Jo is born and we can travel.” She glances away before bringing her eyes back to mine. “I want you to stay here with me.”
My mouth drops. When I finally find my voice, I mutter, “Jessi, why? After everything that happened…”
She cuts me off. “Please don’t talk about that. Not yet.” I close my mouth and wait. “Nick, I did hate you…for a while. But beneath the anger and hurt I still loved you so much.”
I feel my eyes start to burn. I don’t want to cry. “Why Jessi? After what I did?”
She shrugs. “Nick, nothing you did ever made sense to me. I believed in you and I knew money didn’t mean a damn thing to you. When Hanna Jo and AJ told me the real reason, everything made perfect sense to me. You were the man I fell in love with again.”
I stand and walk to the window, looking out so she can’t see me crying. “No, Jessi, if I was I would have stopped him.”
I hear her moving and when she touches my back I shiver. “Nick, I made another call. I called Dr. Nguyen…my counselor…in Australia.” I’m stunned she told me where she was. AJ said she didn’t want me to know. But I keep my mouth shut and wait. “She thinks, under the circumstances, flying is out of the question, but I need to keep up with my sessions with her. So, we’re going to do a web conference twice a week…and I want you to be there.”
I turn to look at her. “Me? Why?”
She shrugs. “To be blunt, I have to know we can get back what we had. But…Thad’s right…I need to face everything with you. I do forgive you for lying to me…I swear I do.”
I can’t stop myself from asking, “Why?”
Her smile fades. “Because if anything had happened to Hanna Jo I would have hated you till the day I die.” The blood drains from my face at the thought of her hating me. She grabs my hands. “Nick, look at me.” I drag my eyes back to hers and she whispers, “Until I met you, Hanna Jo was all I had. She’s more than my best friend…she’s my family.” I nod slowly and she continues. “If I had known Donnie had her, I would have let him do whatever he wanted to. I’d have crawled in his bed willingly and he would have gotten away with it.”
Bile rushes into my throat. I pull away from her and run to the bathroom, barely making it. She follows me and rubs my back as I heave. When I’m under control again, I flush and whisper, “I’m sorry.”
She kisses my arm. “Don’t be. Use my toothbrush then come back out here. We need to finish talking.”
Once I’m sitting beside her on the bed again, she says, “Nick, can you do this? Can you stay here with me and help me figure this out?”
Part of me wants to say ‘no’ but when I open my mouth, I mutter, “Yeah.” After a minute, I say, “What about Hanna Jo?”
Her eyes cloud over. “She needs to stay in Canada with AJ for now.”
I’m shocked. “Why? I figured…well…”
She shrugs. “I think Thad was right about one thing…if she’s here, I won’t focus on processing my anger. All I’ll think about is how grateful I am she’s ok.” She looks away. “Thad thinks I need to hate you both a lot more before I can truly forgive you.” She brings her eyes back to mine. “Nick, I don’t think I can hate you. I don’t think it’s in me to hate you or Thad.”
I touch the back of her hand with my fingertips. “Why?”
She takes a shaky breath. “I know what it’s like when you don’t have a choice. When you have to do something horrific in order to survive. Thad was doing his job when he convinced me to testify against Paul and the other men at the bank. He knew I was afraid, but he forced me because it was the right thing to do. You lied to me because you knew Donnie would win if I knew the truth. You didn’t have a choice. And look at you? He nearly killed you because of that lie. How could I possibly hate either of you when you’ve made me a stronger person?”
I can’t stop myself. I wrap my arms around her hand crush her to my chest. “Jessi…I…I don’t even know what to say.”
She hugs me back and whispers, “Say you’ll stay. Say we can work on this together.” I hear her sniffle before she whispers, “I need you Nick. Haley Jo will need you. Please…stay with me.”
I pull back to look into her eyes. Brushing away her tears, I whisper, “Whatever you need Jessi. Whatever you need.”
Chapter End Notes:
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