Faithfully
Chapter 17
By Dottie
Copyright 2016
Jessi’s POV
Once I’m settled on the bed, Nick beats a hasty retreat and Hanna Jo sits down gingerly by my side. “Jessi, are you?”
I rub my stomach and make my fearful confession. “I don’t know Ho Jo. I want to be strong for Haley Jo but I’m scared. What if I don’t make it? What if she…?”
Hanna Jo cuts me off. “Stop right there. No negative thoughts Jessi. She’s going to be fine and so are you.”
I give her a watery smile. “You better be right Hanna Jo. She may end up being the only thing I have left.”
Hanna Jo grabs my hand. “What are you talking about?”
I sniffle. “Nick. I can’t get him to believe I forgive him for what happened. I just want…I want him to marry me before Haley Jo is born. He said he would but I don’t think he will. What am I going to do?”
She doesn’t say anything for a minute. Then she whispers softly, “Are you SURE Jessi?”
I nod. “Hanna Jo even when it happened and I thought I hated him, I couldn’t stop loving him. Dr. Nguyen told me I kept repeating it like a mantra…I love him. And I do. I know it wasn’t fair to ask him to marry me but I so desperately need to be his wife again.” A sharp pain stabs at my back and I gasp.
Hanna Jo jumps. “What is it? Jessi, are you ok?”
I pant through the spasm until it subsides. “Just a muscle cramp I hope. It’s already gone.”
She sits and grabs my hand. “Are you sure it wasn’t a contraction?”
I nod, fearful. “Yes, it wasn’t like the pains before. It’s already gone.”
She reaches up to brush my hair back. “You tell me if it happens again.”
I nod. “Hanna Jo, was I unfair to Nick when I asked him to marry me?”
She shrugs. “I’m the wrong person to ask, Jess. I mean if you want to marry him and spend the rest of your life with him, I’m all for it. But if it’s because of what Donnie did…
I cut her off. “Ho Jo, can I tell you about Donnie?”
She looks scared. “What do you mean?”
I give her a small smile. “We’re not going to talk about what he did to me or Nick because frankly, you don’t need to know. But…I want to tell you something I learned from Dr. Nguyen.”
She nods slowly. “OK. But before you start, do you want me to get you anything? I want to change clothes and get more comfortable.”
I smile at her. “Take your time, Ho Jo. I’m not going anywhere.” As she stands to leave, I say, “Please make sure Nick rests. I’m worried about him.”
Half an hour later she’s back with a tray of food and two cups of herbal tea. I wrinkle up my nose and say, “Ho Jo, you know I don’t drink hot tea.”
She rolls her eyes. “You never change do you? What would you like? And don’t say Coke. Not happening.”
I giggle. “How about chocolate milk?”
She nods. “OK, I’ll go get it. And just so you know, Nick is in bed sleeping. I made AJ look in on him. If you need anything, AJ is downstairs sacked out with Todd. Just you and me.”
After we eat and I’ve had my fill of chocolate milk, she puts the tray on the dresser and comes back to the bed. For the first time in a long time it’s just me and Hanna Jo. If I start crying, she’ll flip out. Instead, she stretches out on the bed beside me and says, “Why don’t you sleep? I’m not going anywhere.”
I laugh. “Well neither am I…but…can we talk for a few minutes? I need to do this while Nick is asleep.”
She looks almost scared. “What’s going on Jessi?”
I sigh. “Donnie. The big fucking creep. Ho Jo, all this therapy I’ve been in isn’t because I was raped. That was…that was the least of the problems.”
Her mouth drops open. “What?”
I sigh. “Donnie spent months after me. What he did…it wasn’t…I expected it when I saw him. I knew deep in my soul he was going to do despicable things to me…and I was ok with it because I knew Nick and you and AJ would help me make the bastard pay. So I took it. I fought him but…I knew I couldn’t stop him and the biggest part of me needed to survive so Thad could put him away.”
She gasps. “Jessi!”
I cut her off. “Hanna Jo, I’ve been in therapy because I couldn’t come to terms with Nick just giving me to him. It wasn’t Donnie that broke me down…it was thinking Nick had betrayed me.”
She sniffles and wipes her eyes. “I wish I could have told you. Thad said we couldn’t. You refused to talk about it. He said you threatened to disappear if he pushed it.”
I nod. “I did. I was…livid…but more than that, my heart was shattered. I had been through so much already because of Donnie and Paul and what happened at the bank. Every time I thought my past was laid to rest, it reared its ugly head. I couldn’t take it anymore. I had a serious breakdown when I got to Australia. Dr. Nguyen put me on a suicide watch for two months.” I ignore her struggle to say something and push on. “Then we come here and I find out Nick tried to kill himself.”
Silence reigns in the room. She’s horrified and I’m…I’m angry. Donnie almost cost me everything I hold dear to my heart. Hanna Jo reaches for my hand. “Jessi…Dear Lord, what you’ve been through isn’t fair. None of it. If there’s anyone in this world that deserves a happily ever after, it’s you.”
I give her a watery smile. “I still have a chance for that Hanna Jo. But Nick needs to accept the fact that we can’t change what Donnie did. But we can pick up the pieces and start over.”
She squeezes my hand. “You really want it, don’t you?”
I nod slowly. “I do Ho Jo. I want to marry that man and be tied to him in every conceivable way for the rest of my life but he doesn’t want it too.”
She sobs. “Jessi, he does!”
I shake my head. “No. No, he said he’d marry me to placate me, but he doesn’t want it Hanna Jo. Donnie took the one thing that I loved more than anything in this world. It wasn’t about the rape…he took Nick from me. And I can’t get him back!”
She pulls me closer to her and I cry on her shoulder. Until I said it I kept hoping I could make it work with Nick. That he’d believe me when I said I forgave him. But he won’t. I saw it in his eyes. He’ll never be able to be what I need…because Donnie killed my Nick and all that’s left is a shell. He barely looks at me. I can see his skin crawl when he touches me. He hates himself for what Donnie did to me and deep in my heart I know as soon as Haley Jo is born and I’m settled in Canada with Hanna Jo and AJ he’s gonna run. He’s gonna disappear and I’ll never see him again.
Chapter End Notes:
Let me know! :)
