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Author's Chapter Notes:

"Sorry this was sort of a bummer way to spend your night off..." Coll apologized as she stepped into the elevator behind Nick. Billy had left them in the hotel lobby after they were all safely inside the hotel. "And that you didn't get to ditch Billy." She laughed lightly.

He narrowed his eyes at her. It was no bummer at all. "It wasn't a bummer. I had fun." Nick smiled at her as he pressed the button for his floor.

"... me too." She admitted.

"Sure, it would have been better if all your stuff didn't get stolen, but we still did what we were gonna do."

She couldn't even be mad about the events of the day anymore, he was right: they still had their good time together. Only one hurdle remained for the immediate future, being okay with going back to her room - or asking to stay in his. She bit her nail nervously and looked at him, adjusting the shopping bags in his hand.

"Alright, well. I'm exhausted again." She laughed as she reached across to press the button for her own floor.

"You want to go back to your room?" He asked, surprised.

"... I-" She wasn't sure what to say. She didn't want to, but she didn't want to ask for what she really wanted either.

"That room has bad vibes." He added.

In a world where they were just friends and unquestionably no more than that, she would tell him. "Yeah, it kind of does." She sighed.

"Stay with me." He was trying to keep his tone even. He wanted to keep her in the dark about the excitement he felt about the prospect of sleeping next to her again.

In the world where they were in love with each other, this was the perfect solution for both of them. All the present hearts were pounding.

She took a deep breath and nodded, "okay." She smiled, "Thank you…. For everything. I honestly-"

"Coll, don't worry about it. I'll tuck you in," He laughed, "and we can put on one of those crazy British comedies."

All this time... She opened her mouth, her heart felt like it was firing off small sparks that were trying to combust fully into raging fires. She almost told him something dangerous but stopped before she could.

The elevator opened on her floor, and Nick pushed the button for the door to close again. "Also, pajama fashion show."

"Oh, obviously." She agreed sarcastically. "But first, I need to take the longest shower of all time."



In the quiet of the next minute or so that it took to get to Nick's floor, she thought about what Angela, Becka, and Leighanne had said, that she should tell him how she felt. And she thought about what she told herself - she would have to eventually, but it didn't have to be now. She could go on enjoying the bliss of being around him without having to bare her soul. But she also knew it would only get harder to contain herself around him, especially when she was sleeping in his bed, wearing funny tee shirts he picked out for her and while she was positive he was feeling something for her as well. And most especially, now that she had felt that missing piece fit into place, she didn't want to let it slip away.


While Coll showered, Nick flipped through the channels until he found something he thought she might like. No British comedies to be found. He settled on something about sharks with subtitles. He stared at the screen while it played but wasn't paying attention to it. He was processing a variety of thoughts that distracted him. The thought of telling her he was in love with her, the thought that she might be in love with him too, and the fear that she wasn't. He thought about how just a few feet away, behind a single wall, she was naked. He thought about touching her, he thought about kissing her, he thought about sleeping with her...

But why would she want that? She wouldn't want her first time to be with someone like me. Who ... was... for so long, so clearly was not on the same page about this...

Had he blown it with her already?

He thought about being with her in Boston, and about her being with him at home in Florida. He thought about cooking with her, ordering take out and eating it on the back patio, floating aimlessly in the pool with his arms wrapped around her as the sun went down.

He thought about her at the fountain and on the sidewalk in London.

He thought about having to tell her he'd slept with nearly a hundred other women and how awful that felt right now. He would tell her how awful that felt. He would prove to her they meant nothing, and she meant more. How?

He thought about her being a constant fixture in his life, not just in his inbox.

He considered what it would be like to be able to end a show every night and go to bed with her, consistently, without question.

He thought about being the one to make her feel better and loving the way it felt to do so.

It all felt like it made sense.

He wondered if he was moving too fast or just fast enough - it was hard to know since he'd never ventured this direction before. He'd never felt this way about someone before. Had she? He would've known. Right?

"Nick?" She asked as she approached him, wearing her new pajamas, towel drying her hair as she walked.

"Hey."

"What's up?"

He swallowed, "Cute." He smiled, referring to her pajamas. He had settled on a print of cows and sheep jumping over little fences against a light pink background. "A pretty decent runner-up to the ducks."

She smiled and nodded at him, "Agreed."

"None of those cute British shows you like, but there's something about sharks. It's not in English, but … you can sort of get the sense of what's happening."

She giggled and looked at the TV, "Thank you."

His heart jumped into his chest as she began to crawl into his bed.

"I am so tired. I don't think I've ever been this tired in my life." She stated and pulled the blanket up closer to her face as she slid comfortably into the pillows.

He smiled at her and stood up, "You've had a long week."

"I mean, yes, but I can't even imagine how you must feel…" She closed her eyes and smiled, "These pajamas are so soft."

He laughed as he wandered in the direction of the bathroom. "I feel great."

When he emerged again five minutes later, he was shirtless and wearing a pair of shorts. She tried not to let on that she noticed and enjoyed that as he slipped into the bed with her.

"Want me to turn this off?" He asked as she turned toward him.

She nodded.

He quickly turned the TV and the light off and turned in her direction as he laid down.

"How are you feeling?" He asked as they laid in his bed in the dark.

"So much better. Thank you so much." Coll said, "You're the best."

He desperately wanted to broach the broader feelings at hand with her, but they were both too tired.

"I'm glad." He smiled, "and you're welcome."

He didn't allow himself to overthink his next move. He leaned over and gave her a one-armed hug and a kiss on the cheek. It surprised her, and she felt an explosive feeling in the pit of her stomach, and a wide smile involuntarily spread across her face. The feeling of her skin under his lips and the reaction his gesture elicited made him the happiest he had felt all night - a goal he wasn't expecting to reach or surpass as there had been many happy moments that evening.

"Nick."

Her voice in the dark, her body in his bed, his lips on her skin -- these were things he could get used to - sweet and secure points in his hectic days.

"Yeah?"

She wanted to keep talking about anything. But she was so tired. "I just realized…"

"What?"

"I don't have a bag to put any of my stuff in…"

They both laughed a little as they thought it over. "you can put your stuff in my bag tomorrow, and we will get you a new suitcase when we get there."

"I can't believe that happened still…" She said with a yawn.

"I know. We've had stuff stolen before but never … everything."

"Like what?"

"Jewelry, money… we were dumb and didn't know any better. Left shit out…"

"Oh, like you were dumb and didn't check that your door was closed all the way?"

"You're not dumb."

"Still feeling a little dumb."

"Don't beat yourself up over it."

"Either way, thank you."

He smiled and reached out across the sheet for her hand.

"You're welcome." He said as he laced his fingers through hers under the covers. I love you.

She didn't know what it meant, she was too tired to overthink it. She just let it be and enjoyed it. It felt good. She nodded and closed her eyes briefly.

"Goodnight, Collypop." He smiled.

She couldn't even roll her eyes at how obnoxious it was, she just looked at him, still smiling, so thrown off by how in love with him she was, and simultaneously so profoundly sure about him.

"Goodnight, Nick." I love you.


Around 3 am something startled Coll awake, and her eyes opened, adjusting to the darkness in Nick's room. She looked over at him, asleep with a line of moonlight cast across his bare shoulder. She took a deep breath and adjusted her body with as little movement as possible to turn toward him more.

All the things that were supposed to make this summer amazing paled in comparison to the thing that was actually making this summer amazing: discovering that something so familiar was, in fact, so unknown. Europe was beautiful, and the tour was exciting, and she enjoyed the days she went out sightseeing, but what she was seeing and experiencing in Nick was changing her life in a way that nothing else could - in ways she wasn't even fully aware of yet.

For as amazing as it was, and even considering how sure she felt about him, there were still parts of it that were scary… parts that told her she had to protect herself.

He is so young.

He has so much going on.

He is NICK CARTER.

But he is also just Nick. Her Nick.

But what if that got messed up in the process of trying to make that more?

This setting was so unreal - maybe too far from reality to even trust decisions made inside of it.

Things had moved fast - from attraction to certain love to the impactful snap of that piece fitting into place.

What if he didn't feel all the way the same about her?

What if he wasn't interested in what she wanted?

What if she just told him how she felt?

She was looking right at him, sleeping and gorgeous and so good for her. Right?

She had never been so tired in her life, but what she had in front of her was too good to sleep through. She reached over, as gently as she could, and used the very tip of her index finger to move a piece of hair out off his face, holding her breath as she did so.

She knew she should try to protect herself. But how? How could she defend herself and continue to experience this bliss at the same time? And how could she reconcile the need to protect herself while also knowing how sure she was about him? If protecting herself meant missing out on any of him, she wasn't interested.

She thought about all the anonymous girls and women who screamed for him, who yelled out fantasies and cried over him. She thought about what it would be like to experience him in the ways they alluded to… it made her body feel like an inferno. The memory of his hand on her back, and his kiss on her cheek were so innocent, yet they were still making her insides vibrate. They could go so many places she had never been before… but would he want to go there with her? Was he scared off - or worse, turned off - by her confession of virginity? It didn't seem like it... but there might be only one way to find out. or maybe she was just getting too far ahead of herself. But maybe not.

After a period of time watching him sleep, the relaxation took back over, and she drifted off again. There was very little delineation between dreams and reality that night.