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Author's Chapter Notes:
Hey everyone. Sorry for the delay in this chapter. I figured I would try and update before I leave for my cruise this weekend. Hope you all enjoy the update.
After their secret rendezvous in the bathroom on Nick’s birthday, he and Brian decided to continue acting like everything was normal between them but they both knew that it wasn’t. Nick had fallen for Brian like a ton of bricks and he was pretty certain that Brian felt the same way about him. Somehow he managed to get Brian to experiment with him but he wanted Brian to be honest with his girlfriend and Brian was too afraid. They stole moments alone when nobody was paying attention, when Leighanne wasn’t around to catch them. It felt even more exciting to Nick that they were breaking the rules.


They hid their secret romance during the tour and while it was amazing, Brian was growing more and more anxious that his girlfriend would find out he was cheating on her. While experimenting with Nick was fun, part of him still wanted to be with her even though the romantic feelings were not there at all. He was still seeing Leighanne even though Nick insisted he be honest with her and just break things off. Brian wasn’t ready to fully commit to Nick because he was still very insecure about his own sexuality, not to mention the repercussions of anyone finding out he and Nick were fooling around. So far they had been careful. For Brian it felt great because Nick was helping him quench that lust he had been pushing away. Nick was helping but he also was making him worry about what would happen if they were caught. What would everyone say? Brian would mentally punish himself and give himself anxiety due to all of the doubts he had about being gay. He didn’t understand how Nick could be so comfortable with it and he wasn’t.



Another thing that worried Brian was his impending surgery in May. He’d broken the news to management and they weren’t happy about it. Brian somehow knew this would happen but he didn’t care. He’d promised Leighanne that he would go through with the surgery and he wanted to at least keep one thing he promised her. He could give a shit less what Johnny and Lou thought. As far as he thought, Lou was no longer his manager once the lawsuit went through. This was several months away.



“You guys are in the middle of a tour and have so many things coming up, and you want us to halt everything for you?” Johnny asked during their meeting.


“Johnny, I need this surgery. Unless you want me to collapse in the middle of performing because my heart stops working. I don’t care about the tour. I don’t care about anything but getting better. That won’t happen unless I have the surgery done to fix the hole in my heart.”



“I don’t think you quite understand how much money we lose the more time you take off for this surgery. People want all five Backstreet Boys. They don’t want to see four of them. You’re also one of the lead singers, we can't afford to lose you. Think of the group. What about the other four members that work just as hard as you do. You’re being a little selfish.”


“SELFISH?”


“Brian…don’t.” Nick whispered, tugging on him as he stood up to slam his hand on the table. He could feel his heart thumping in his chest with anger.


“You do not need to raise your voice at me, Littrell.” Johnny snapped. Brian shoved Nick off of him and went around to the other side of the table.


“I will raise my voice if I want to, you have no right calling me selfish. Do you not understand that if I do not have this surgery, I could die?”


The others looked on in silence, watching Brian yell at Johnny.


“The label doesn’t want to hear it. You signed a contract with Lou. He has the say, you do not. We will give you a few days off for the surgery and that’s it but you have to come back to work.” Johnny said, unfazed by Brian’s sudden temper.


“I don’t give a shit what that fat bastard says. How does he expect me to perform after having open heart surgery? That’s madness.” Brian protested.


“Did Lou really say that?” Kevin asked. Brian was looking around at his bandmates for support during this argument. He was a bit disappointed that nobody was saying anything because they were supposed to be a team.


“Yes, he did. You have things scheduled the week of his surgery, which I was going to get to until Brian decided he wanted to interrupt me. I suggest you sit down and shut up because you have no say in your schedule. These things have already been planned.”


“How can you sit there and tell me that I’m going to be okay to perform after major surgery? You have no idea how serious this is. I’m having the surgery and I’m taking time off whether you guys like it or not. I don’t give a crap at this point. If it comes down to it, I’ll walk.” Brian said, sitting back down next to Nick at the table.


“Now, lets not do anything hasty.” Kevin piped up.


“They don’t care if we are alive or dead as long as we make them money. Don’t any of you see that this is a problem? It was bad enough that Lou was stealing from us and now you want to look away when they’re clearly abusing us too? We are human beings and need rest. All of this is only making my heart condition worse and none of you seem to give a shit.”


“That’s not true,” Howie protested, but fell silent. They all looked at the floor, feeling guilty because Brian was absolutely right. They were all being treated like crap and didn’t seem to notice until their friend poked holes in everything their management was doing.


After the meeting, tensions were high and Brian didn’t speak to anyone the rest of the day but Nick tried to cheer him up by playing a game of basketball.


“They don’t care about us, Nick. We are dollar signs to those people. I wish I’d never signed that stupid contact.” Brian said through gritted teeth as he threw the basketball against the backboard, causing it to bounce off and hit the ground angrily. Nick caught it and dribbled the ball, listening to Brian rant.




“But if you didn’t sign that you wouldn’t have met me.” Nick whispered as Brian rolled his eyes.




“That’s not what I meant at all. Don’t make this about you. I am just frustrated because nobody seems to care. None of the other guys want to help me take them down and make things better for us. We do all the work so why do we get treated like cash cows?”


“We are suing them so things will be better. We don’t have to deal with them for much longer. I just wish there was something more we could do in the meantime.” Nick replied sadly. Nick agreed with Brian and was trying to do all he could, but Brian just wanted to push everyone away. He was angry all the time. Nick just wanted to fix him and make him better. He wanted Brian to be Brian again, like when they first met. Before everything changed. Before he told him he was gay. Nick sometimes wondered how things would be if he had never told him but was thankful that Brian was starting to get comfortable and warm to him and the idea now. He just wished he didn’t have to share him with Leighanne because he wanted Brian all to himself and no one else.


“There’s nothing we can do right now. You don’t get it because you’re perfectly healthy, Nick. You aren’t teetering between life and death. I am. I just wish I didn't have to do it by myself.” Brian hissed.


“I’m trying to help you. Don’t take it out on me.”


Brian started to feel bad because Nick had been sticking up for him and helping him, had gone with him to the doctors appointments and sat with him many nights listening to him cry because he was so stressed about everything. Nick was there for him the whole way. He didn’t want to push him away now.


“I’m sorry for yelling at you, Frack. I’m just so frustrated with everything. It’s so confusing.”


Nick smiled at him and took him in his arms, bending down to kiss him on the forehead.


“I understand.”


Nick leaned in and kissed him gently, before Brian leaned against his chest, listening to Nick’s heartbeat.


Things were bound to keep getting better, weren’t they?