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Kevin came back into the house a while later. Still mulling over in his mind what he wanted to do next. Whatever it was he chose, he knew he’d now reached a point where ignoring his feelings and turning his back on the way he felt was no longer an option. It was time to get it all out in the open and if Nick wanted him, then that was great and he could finally allow himself to imagine what a life together with the other man would be like. If Nick didn’t want him, well then he’d find a way to get over the other man once and for all, but the time to run and be afraid of his feelings was over. It was now or never, so to speak.
He wandered into the living room to find Brian and Mason battling it out in some video game. Brian looked up as he walked into the room. “Hey Kev,”

Kevin glanced around the room for any sign of the other man. “Nick still hasn't come down?”

Brian shook his head sadly. “I’ve debated trying to find him, but for one I don’t know which room he’s staying in and two I figured he’d slam the door in my face. I figured I was safer with the kids.”

Kevin smiled softly. Odin and Maxwell were curled up together napping on the floor while Saoirse was still sleeping soundly in the pack and play. Mason on his own was no trouble at all, especially when video games were present. So of course this was easier than dealing with someone who you’d hurt.

“I’m going to go up and talk to him. See if I can get him to come out of his bedroom. You still okay down here?” Kevin asked, turning to leave.

Brian nodded and shot him a grateful smile. “Thanks Kev. I really want to fix this. I know I overstepped. I..I.”

“Enough. I don’t even want to hear it. It’s not me you hurt. You’re going to have to fix this with him.”

Kevin let his words hang in the air as he left the room. He headed up the stairs to Nick’s room, unsure of what he would find when he got there.

Knocking on Nick’s door gently he waited patiently for any kind of response from the other side of the door. Hearing none, he knocked a little louder. Still nothing. Getting nervous now, Kevin reached for the door handle. Finding it unlocked, he turned it quietly and stepped inside the room. The only light came from the small bedside table. Nick was laying on the bed, his back to the door. It looked like he had his headphones on, which explained his non response at the door. From his place in the doorway Kevin could see his shoulders shaking slightly, letting know the younger man was indeed awake, and worse, still pretty upset. He closed the door quietly behind him and crossed to the bed. In one fluid motion, he laid down beside the blonde and gathered him into his arms from behind. Nick jumped slightly at the intrusion, but relaxed back against him in recognition. The shaking of his shoulders increased as Kevin tightened his grip around the younger man. He held Nick for several long moments while he cried, hoping his presence gave Nick some kind of comfort. He reached up gently and removed the headphones from Nick’s head. He laid them on the bedside table and smoothed the hair out of Nick’s eyes.

They laid like that for a while. So long in fact, that Kevin was almost convinced that Nick fell asleep. Just when he was going to pull away from the other man to check, he felt Nick roll over in his arms until he was facing Kevin. Kevin was shocked to see Nick’s beautiful blue eyes were completely bloodshot. His face red and stained with tears. He hadn’t seen Nick this upset since he’d arrived on Kevin’s doorstep, much like Brian had only hours earlier. He reached out a gentle hand and cupped Nick’s warm cheek in his hand, brushing his thumb over the delicate skin. “It’s okay baby.” he said softly.

Nick’s eyes filled with tears again and he buried his head in the crook of Kevin’s neck. Kevin brought his arms down around him and pulled him close. His cries muffled against Kevin’s skin. He was never letting this man go. Even if Nick rejected him, rejected everything he had to offer him, there was no way he could ever turn his back on him, ever let him go completely. He hugged him tightly, doing his best to comfort. “I’m sorry.” Nick mumbled against Kevin’s neck.

“No reason at all to be sorry.” Kevin whispered before he kissed the top of Nick’s head.

He continued to hold him until his tears subsided once again. Nick pulled back just enough to look up at him, but making no move to remove himself from the closeness of Kevin’s arms. “He’s still here isn’t he?” Nick asked softly.

Kevin nodded. “He said he planned on staying the weekend, but he’d go home if you didn’t want him here.”

“I don’t know what I want.” Nick said softly, a few tears continuing to trail down his cheeks. “He said some really shitty things, hurt me quite a bit. I just wanted time to deal with it and get over what he said. It was my own fault, I knew he’d never understand.” Nick said sadly.

“Understand what?” Kevin pressed, unsure of how much Nick would reveal.

“Just some stuff I was going through. I needed my friend and he wasn’t there, you know?” Nick said quickly, ignoring the obvious question from Kevin.

He took a deep breath and reminded himself this was not the time to bring it up. They had waited this long, when he finally told Nick how he felt he wanted it to be in a much better circumstance. Not in this cold spare room, blubbering about how hurtful Brian was. He was going to make it magical and pray it helped Nick feel the same. “Do you think you can stand to talk to him? To work it out?” Kevin asked softly.

Nick shrugged. “I’m not sure. Of course I want to, he’s my best friend, but. I can’t be or do the things he wants from me. He has to try to understand.”

“Tell him that. Don’t give him any room for discussion. Believe me baby. I had several, horrific conversations with him, probably in the same vein as yours. I know how he is. I just remind myself that he’s family, and he generally means no ill will. He’s just stubborn and lives by a different moral compass than I do.” Kevin said softly.

Nick nodded and buried his face back against Kevin’s neck. He hugged Kevin tighter, pushing their bodies as close as possible. “Are the kids okay?” Nick mumbled.

“Yeah yours are asleep and he’s playing games with Mason. Everyone is okay.” Kevin said, running his hands up and down Nick’s back in a soothing gesture.

“I guess I should at least try to talk to him.” Nick said sadly. “I don’t want him being here to ruin our camp out.”

“Shit. I forgot all about it.” Kevin said, pulling back from Nick. “I guess if he’s staying I need to pull another tent out of the garage.”

“I can always just stay in the house with the baby. That way he can sleep in your tent.” Nick offered pulling away and sitting up.

Kevin grabbed his hand and squeezed. “No. I want you to sleep in my tent. We’ll figure something out.” Kevin said seriously before releasing his hand. Both stood and stretched. “Thanks for coming to check on me.” Nick said, turning to look at the other man.

“Of course. I would have come earlier, but I wanted to give you some space first.” Kevin said, pulling him into a hug.

“Thanks Kev.” Nick whispered, hugging him back tightly. Kevin rested his chin on Nick’s shoulder and inhaled deeply. Just a little longer. Just stick it out a little longer and then you can finally say something and finally find out if he feels the same.

-

They descended the stairs, side by side but not touching. Nick turned to Kevin and gave him a small smile before turning the corner to the living room. Brian looked up at both of them as they appeared in the doorway. All the kids were awake and most of them yelling. Kevin had to laugh. Brian only had one child, and he hadn’t been little in years handling 5 under ten got to be quite a handful at times. Kevin swept into the room and grabbed Saoirse from the floor. Checking to see if she needed changed and finding her dry, he shooed the rest of the kids out of the room. “We’re going to start the football practice.” Kevin said looking at Nick. “I’ll have them outside if you need me.”

Nick gave him a small smile, an understanding passing between them. If the conversation with Brian got out of hand, all Nick had to do was come outside and Kevin would make sure it ended. Even without exchanging words, they both knew. Nick waited until he heard the banshee of kids and Kevin head through the foyer before he turned and fixed his eyes on Brian. He took a seat at the end of the couch and pulled his legs up underneath him. Brian sat at the other end and turned to look at him.

“Look Nick,” Brian started.

Nick cut him off. “Let me go. I just need you to understand how much the things you said hurt me. I am doing everything in my power to protect myself and to protect my kids from a person who is not only a danger to them, but also to herself. I shouldn’t have confided in you how I was feeling, I should have known you’d never understand. That’s on me and I won’t make that mistake again. What I need from you is some grace and understanding. I need you to respect me, even if you don’t agree with the choices I make. I’m glad you have the person you love most in this world, and I’m glad that she’s the kind of person who not only supports but embodies your beliefs, but our beliefs are not the same Brian.” Nick took a breath.

Brian began to open his mouth again and Nick held up his hand to stop him. “I love him, I love him so much it hurts me, physically to be this close to him every day, feeling the way I do and knowing it’s a hopeless cause. I understand this is the situation I’ve put myself in and I need to figure out a way to deal with it. I also know, there’s not one place in this world I could have come to with two kids and a broken heart and been given the same encouragement and support that I’ve received since the moment we arrived here. None of the rest of you would have dropped everything the way he has to help me. I can never repay that. But I need you to understand that the way I feel isn’t going to change. I’ll find a way to deal with it better so it doesn’t interfere with the group or anything like that, but it’s not going to disappear, so you’re going to have to come to terms with that.”

The silence was heavy for several long moments. “Can I speak now?” Brian asked quietly, his gaze intent on Nick’s. Nick nodded, blushing slightly.

“I’m sorry Nick. I’m sorry for the things I said and the way they affected you. I never meant to hurt you and I’m ashamed of myself that the words I chose did that. I’m more ashamed you feel like you can’t confide in me or trust me with what you’re dealing with in your life because that’s all I want to be. I want to get back to that place where we share everything. I miss my best friend. I have no excuse for the things I said or how it went down. All I can do is apologize and promise you I’ll do better in the future.” Brian said his voice cracking at the end.

Nick smiled sadly and nodded. “I accept your apology. I’d like to work on getting back there as well.”

Brian was quiet, focusing on a spot on the floor. Nick watched him intently. “What is it?” he asked gently.

“Do you know why Kevin got divorced?” He asked quietly.

That one surprised Nick. Where was this coming from? “I mean, he told me they’d grown apart or something like that. Why?” Nick asked curiously.

“I am not going to say anything else, because I’ve almost ruined one friendship with my big mouth, but I think you need to ask him again.” Brian said, turning suddenly to look at him.

The look in Brian’s eyes startled him at first. What in the world did that have to do with their fighting? “Okay. I’ll ask him, but I don’t quite connect the dots between that and us fighting.” Nick said, confused.

Brian nodded. “I think you will after you talk to him, and if not, we’ll talk about it more then. Nick nodded and looked away.

“I’m okay if you want to stay the rest of the weekend. It would be nice to catch up.” Nick said softly.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to press my luck.” Brain said chuckling.

Nick smiled too. “Yeah, I’m sure. We’re having a campout in the backyard. It will be fun.” Nick said standing up and offering his hand to Brian. Brian grabbed it and pulled the younger man into his embrace. “I love you Frack.” Brian said softly. “No matter what, I love you and I’m proud of you.”

Love filled Nick’s heart and he squeezed the other man back. “Thanks Bri. I love you too.”

-

Kevin had just thrown the football to Maxwell when Nick and Brian came out onto the patio. Kevin cut his eyes over to the younger blonde and sighed in relief when Nick gave him a small smile. He wasn’t paying attention to the game, his eyes still on the blonde, when Maxwell sent the ball flying right into his face. It knocked him off guard and Maxwell erupted into laughter. Kevin had to smile, but then took off after his youngest son. Before long he’d reached him and grabbed him around the middle before they both collapsed into a pile of laughter and giggles. Once he had Max down on the ground he tickled him mercilessly until he cried uncle. Kevin laughed and rolled over before propping himself up on his elbow. Nick was smiling and tickling Mason and Odin at the same time while Brian had Saoirse in his arms and was dancing around the patio. Whatever had happened, it seemed like their talk had worked wonders on both men. Nick’s defenses were gone and both men were all smiles. It felt good to be surrounded by so much love.

Kevin pushed himself off the ground and hurried over to tickle Mason as well, Max right on his heels. Before long there was a giant pile of Richardsons and Carters laughing and shrieking in an all out tickle war. Kevin finally surrendered and rolled onto his back away from the mess of limbs. “Getting too old for roughhousing cuz?” Brian called from the patio. Kevin flipped him off and rolled onto his stomach before standing. He offered a hand to Nick and helped pull him to his feet as well. The two men joined Brian on the patio while the kids continued to tickle and beat each other up in the grass.

“Nick tell you we’re camping out tonight?” Kevin asked as he settled down in his rocking chair.

“Wanna stay in my tent uncle Brian?” Mason yelled from the yard. “Yeah! Stay with us!” Maxwell chimed in.

Brian laughed. “Apparently I will be staying in the cool people tent tonight.”
Nick and Kevin both laughed and exchanged quiet looks, both secretly pleased neither would have to give up their spot in their tent together to accommodate Brian. “Well I’m going to start bringing out the hotdogs and smores. Is anybody hungry?” Kevin called out.

A huge uproar of Mes came from the boys in the yard as well as Brian. Kevin chuckled. “Let me go start getting things ready.” He stood up and headed towards the house.

“I’ll help you,” Nick said quietly, standing and following the older man into the house.

Once inside Kevin went to the pantry and started grabbing boxes and the bag of marshmallows. “You guys work everything out?” he asked as he started piling things onto the counter.

Nick nodded. “For the most part but hey, can we talk tomorrow? Like when it’s just the two of us? I have something I want to talk to you about.” Nick said quietly.

Kevin nodded, “I want to talk to you too, but are you sure it can wait?” he asked concerned.

“Of course. We can talk sometime in the evening or something when the boys leave. No rush, I just don’t want to be interrupted. Everything is fine though.”

Kevin nodded. “As long as you’re okay then sure, we can talk tomorrow, but if you’re not.”

“Really Kev. I’m okay. Let’s just enjoy this evening we have together. I think Brian intends to stay the weekend, but we’ll wait and see.” Nick said gathering things up in his arms to take outside.

Kevin nodded and headed to the fridge to get the hotdogs. Something was bothering the younger man and it was going to drive him crazy until he figured out what it was. Grabbing the last bit of things needed he followed Nick back outside.

-

Later they all settled down in their tents. They had played numerous games of football, eaten until they were sure someone was going to puke marshmallow and told ghost stories with Kevin’s kids once Odin had fallen asleep. It had been so much fun that the boys hadn’t wanted it to ever end. Kevin cherished this time, knowing how quickly they were growing up. He loved making memories like this with them. Saoirse had done well being outside too. She mostly played on the patio with the adults, but once it was bedtime she settled down easily enough on a mound of blankets in the corner of Kevin and Nick’s tent.

They had declared bedtime about an hour ago, and everyone had made their way to their tents to settle in. Kevin was laying at the edge of one side of the tent with his own set of blankets and Nick was laying at the other. This was the first night in more than a week that they hadn’t fallen asleep curled up together. Kevin was finding it impossible to fall asleep. He just kept thinking about how close the blonde was and how silly it was that he couldn’t sleep without him being even closer. He thought Nick must be having the same problem. He could hear him shifting in the sleeping bag every few moments and his soft huffs as sleep never came.

After several more minutes Kevin had enough. He rolled onto his side and faced the younger man who was on his back and staring up at the ceiling of the tent. “This is ridiculous,” Kevin said quietly. Before Nick knew what was happening, Kevin had wrapped his arm around his waist and drug him, blankets and all until he was pressed up against the older man. Kevin wrapped one arm around Nick and tucked the other one under his pillow. Tangling their legs together with a gentle nudge, Kevin finally settled down into the blankets and closed his eyes. Several moments later he heard Nick’s breathing even out and knew the younger man was asleep. This is exactly the way it should be, Kevin thought as he too drifted off to sleep.