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Kevin had woken up ahead of Nick for the first time all week and laid quietly, relishing the feel of the other man wrapped in his arms. As he held him tightly, he was struck by the simple thought that he didn’t do anything like this with any of the other guys. He’d never slept with any of the other guys after they’d come back from America, just Nick. At the time he’d always convinced himself it was because the younger man was still quite young and needed the extra comfort and reassurance. But it had happened off and on for years. Maybe once every couple of months when he’d had a nightmare or a fight. It had stopped of course, about the time he started seeing Lauren seriously. But here lately, it was every single night, something Nick himself had started. Not that he was complaining at all, but still. Kevin couldn’t think of any adult men who spent the night in each other’s beds, or held hands as much as they did. That thought alone gave him hope. He knew why he was doing it and so accepting of Nick’s affection, but why was he? He held him a while longer, memorizing the rise and fall of his chest as he dreamed. His sweet face was relaxed and serene in his sleep and Kevin wished that he could make that look appear when he was awake as well. If given the chance, Kevin would do everything in his power to release the stress and anxiety from the other man.

Saoirse started shifting around in the tent and sat up. Looking around she looked around and smiled when her eyes settled on Kevin. He smiled back at her. She was a beautiful sight. Kevin carefully extracted himself from the blonde. He was already awake, there was no reason Nick should have to get up with her. He shifted into a crouched position and swooped her up in his arms. Once he had the baby in hand, he quietly left the tent. He glanced toward the other tent and seeing no movement, decided they were still sleeping. The dawn was just beginning to break and knew he still had a little while before anyone else woke up.

He took Saoirse in the house to change her diaper and her pajamas. Once they were back in the kitchen, he set her up in the high chair with a tub of play dough and set to work making breakfast. He started the coffee first, knowing he would need all the caffeine and reassurance he could get to make it through this day. His mind was going a million different places at once. He still hadn’t figured out how he was supposed to even broach the topic with Nick and then to top it off, Nick had something he wanted to talk to him about. He’d driven himself mad last night thinking about it. If Brian hadn’t been sleeping in the tent beside them, within earshot, he would have forced the blonde to tell him right then and there. Patience was not his strong suit. He kept one eye on the baby while cracking eggs into a bowl. She was usually good to play with the clay, but occasionally, she would try to sneak it into her mouth. Now with another mouth to feed, Kevin knew he had to get breakfast prepared before the natives woke up and started getting restless. He thought back to the night before. It had been a great time and he hoped all the kids had just as much fun as he had. After Nick and Brian had talked, the tension had eased and you could visually see the two best friends relax with each other and enjoy themselves. Kevin was a peacemaker at heart and he wanted nothing more than for everyone to get along and just enjoy each other’s company.

He’d just tumped the eggs into a bowl and was getting ready to start on the bacon when he heard the patio door open. Throwing a glance over his shoulder he saw Brian enter the kitchen. “Coffee’s ready if you want some.” Kevin said, turning back to the stove.

Brian yawned. “That sounds great. Man those kids kept me up late, even after you two went to bed.” he said laughing as he reached for a cup from the cabinet. He poured himself a giant cup of coffee and breathed in the aroma before taking several long sips.

“I hope you had fun.” Kevin said as he laid several strips of bacon into the skillet.

“I did. The boys did too. Thanks for letting me stay Kev.” Brain said quietly.

Kevin nodded. “Of course. Thanks for talking things out with Nick.”

Brain was quiet for a long moment. “You heard more than you’re letting on didn’t you?”

Kevin nodded. “Yep.” He refused to turn and look at the other man, instead, put all of his focus into the cooking.

“What are you going to do about it?” Brian asked as he leaned back against the kitchen island.

Kevin glanced over at him before checking on Saoirse again. Deciding she wasn’t eating the clay he focused his attention back on his younger cousin. “I haven’t decided yet.”

Brain sighed. “I think you need to tell him.” he said quietly. “I think it might make a difference.”

Kevin wasn’t sure what to say. He really didn’t want to get into this with Brian. One because it really was none of his damn business, and two because he didn’t want to deal with any of his family values bullshit. “I think that’s my decision to make,” he said evenly.

The first round of bacon was done, he pulled down a serving platter and transferred the bacon from the skillet to the platter before starting the process over again, lining more bacon in the skillet. By his estimate, it was going to take at least two packages, maybe even three to feed this crew breakfast.

Brian put his mug down on the island and turned to face him. “Of course it is. All I’m saying is if you actually open up your mouth and say something to him about it instead of hiding behind it you might find out that it’s not the way you’ve always assumed it was. But of course, do what you want. I’m just trying to help.” Brian muttered irritably.

Kevin signed heavily. This wasn’t how he wanted to start this day. “I understand. Thank you for trying to help. You can understand my hesitance to even discuss this with you. It hasn’t ever gone well for me so why should I assume it would this time?” Kevin said looking over at him.

Brian hung his head and nodded. “I know. I’ve fucked up, quite a few times. I’m sorry Kev. I just honestly want you to be happy. Whatever it takes you to get there.” he said softly before crossing the room to sit beside the baby. He grabbed part of the clay from her and started to make shapes with it for her.

Kevin let the conversation drop as he finished the bacon. Pulling down plates and forks, he laid everything out on the counter before venturing back outside to wake everyone up. He wasn’t sure which tent to approach first. Deciding he’d have a few moments with the younger man alone if he went there first, he unzipped his tent and climbed back inside. There was a delicious blonde angel laying on the ground surrounded by blankets and pillows that just an hour ago Kevin was laying with too. That thought along cemented his desire to have the conversation with Nick. What if they could do this every night? What if it could be so much more? The what ifs alone were breathtaking.

He crawled inside, closer to the younger man until he was laying right behind him. He brushed the blonde hair out of Nick’s eyes and smiled as Nick snuggled back against him. His body reacting to Kevin’s presence, even in his sleep. Kevin watched him for a few moments, wanting these moments alone to last forever. But knowing the kids needed to eat before it got cold forced him into action. He leaned down and softly kissed the top of Nick’s head before gently shaking him awake. Nick’s blue eyes opened slowly, blinking as they adjusted to the morning light. He gave Kevin a shy smile as he came too. “Hey, “ he whispered softly.

“Hey yourself.” Kevin whispered back. “I’m sorry to wake you, but it’s time for breakfast. I don’t want the kids to eat everything before the rest of us even have a chance.” Kevin said chuckling.

Nick laughed and then sat up quickly, looking around the tent for Saoirse. “Relax,” Kevin said gently, placing his hand on Nick’s arm. “She’s in the house playing with play dough with Brian.”

Nick smiled again.”You got up with her? Why didn’t you wake me?”

Kevin brushed him off. “Of course I did. You do it everyday. You needed a break and I am happy to give it.” He smiled cheekily and moved to leave the tent. “I’m waking the kids next. It’s going to be a race to the bacon in about 20 seconds. Consider this your official warning.”

Nick laughed and watched Kevin leave the tent. What magical thing had he done in his life to deserve the care and consideration from this man? He would never be able to figure that one out.

They had deemed the campout a smashing success. The older boys were gushing about it when Kristin had come to pick them up. As sad as Kevin was for them to leave for another week, he knew that he wasn’t going to be the most present parent until they had some time together to talk and Kevin knew once and for all how the other man felt. He’d been playing this conversation over and over in his head all day. Trying to mentally prepare himself for it going the way he wanted as well as if it didn’t go well. He had to say, he was more prepared for it to go horribly. It was almost torture to think about it going right and then none of the things he’d thought about coming to fruition. He’d locked himself in his bedroom after the boys left, needing some time to himself to collect his thoughts. He was startled when he heard a knock at the door. He crossed the room and opened it quickly. Standing on the other side was Nick, looking completely unsure of himself and hesitant.

“Everything okay?” Kevin asked, gazing at the younger man.

“I think so.” he said quietly as he brushed past Kevin to enter the bedroom. Kevin glanced around the quiet hallway before closing the door behind them. “Are the kids okay?” he asked, taking a seat on the bed, his back to the headboard. There really weren’t a lot of places to sit down in here, Kevin realized as he looked around the room.

“Yeah they are both napping. Brian too. He’s passed out on the couch downstairs. I think the boys must have kept him going long after we fell asleep.” Nick said, chuckling softly. He sat on the end of Kevin’s bed, drawing his legs up, indian style underneath him.

Kevin smiled too. Watching the light reach NIck’s eyes as he laughed was one of the most magical things Kevin had ever seen. He’d figured that fact out when Nick was only 14. Something he had worked long and hard on repressing, given their age differences at the time and so many other factors.

“What’s up Nicky?” Kevin asked, unsure of why he was here. His stomach was already doing flip flops. Was this the right time to blurt out his secret? One he’d carried with him for more than 20 years at this point?

“You promised we’d have time to talk once the kids left.” Nick started quietly. “I was hoping you had time to talk now.”

Kevin nodded, his nerves beginning to get the best of him. Finally he would learn whatever it was that was so important for Nick. “Sure. What do you want to talk about?”
Nick played with his fingers. Fidgeting. Clasping and unclasping his hands over and over. It was a nervous habit and it drove Kevin crazy. He wanted to take the other man and shake him like a pinata until he started spilling out his words. But he refrained, squeezing his fists tightly beside him, urging himself not to get impatient.

“I want to talk about your divorce.” Nick said quietly as he looked up at Kevin, finally meeting his eyes.

Kevin was a little stunned. “My divorce? What about it? We’ve talked about it several times before.”

Nick nodded. “I know, but Brian said I needed to ask you about it. He said it was important for me to understand. And when I think about it, it’s always felt like you’ve been holding something back from me when we talk about it. So I’m only asking one last time. Why did you get divorced?”

Kevin stared at the younger man, his eyes transfixed on the blue orbs staring back at him. Now this was not the way he’d imagined the conversation going. Not that he necessarily had a speech prepared or anything, but he didn’t expect it to start here. He took a deep breath and broke eye contact with the younger man. His words catching in his throat, he managed to choke out a strangled, “You.” before the tears were pricking the corners of his eyes.

He dropped his head in his hands as the tears started flowing faster. Unable to look up at the younger man, he kept his head down and tried desperately to stop the tears from flowing. He felt the bed shift as Nick moved closer to him. Nick’s hand cupped his cheek and lifted his head from his lap. “What did you say?” his voice hoarse as well, but his eyes still as intense.

Kevin nodded softly. “I said, we got divorced, because of you.”

Nick sat back on his heels and stared at him. “I don’t understand.”

Kevin tried to speak, tried to explain, but the tears were back and coming at such a strangled force all he could manage to do was drop his head in his hands again, his shoulders shaking from the force of it all.

Nick’s voice was more strangled this time as he placed his hands on Kevin’s shoulders and pushed back gently, forcing Kevin to look up at him. “I’m trying Kevin. Please, please make me understand. Please tell me what you mean. How could I cause your divorce?”

Kevin started into the eyes of the man that he would and had given up everything for, even if he never wanted or asked him to. Finally, the words started to pour out of him. “I love you. I’ve loved you for more than half of your life Nicky. It just got to the point that I couldn’t pretend to be someone I wasn’t anymore. I spent all my time thinking, dreaming about you and at the end of the day there wasn’t any love or time left for her anymore. It had always been you and I just got tired of denying it.” he said softly, never moving his eyes from the younger man.

He watched as his words washed over the other man. Watched the moment that the truth of what Kevin was saying dawned on him, watched the slow sexy smile spread across those pouty lips. “You love me?” Nick asked quietly? His voice raspy in Kevin’s ears.

He wasn’t sure he could speak. Wasn’t sure he could even form words with Nick looking at him like that. Kevin nodded, his eyes still never leaving the blondes. Nick shifted closer. He pushed Kevin’s legs apart and crawled in between them. He was so close now Kevin could feel his breath hitting his face. Nick reached out and wrapped his arms around Kevin’s neck. Leaning down, Nick brushed his lips softly against his. “You.” he said as he brushed them gently against Kevin’s. “Love.” He did it again, the feel of Nick’s soft lips touching his were setting off small explosions all over his body. “Me?” Nick asked teasingly, finally biting Kevin’s bottom lip and sucking it into his mouth. Kevin had enough. He shifted his weight and grabbed either side of Nick’s head as he took control of the kiss, pressing their lips together and urging Nick’s mouth open with his tongue. He felt the other man begin to tremble in his arms and deepened the kiss, forcing his tongue in further, dancing with Nick’s until neither could breathe and they pulled apart. Laying his forehead against Nick’s he attempted to catch his breath. “Yes.” he said simply, the heat rising in his cheeks and spreading in his stomach.

Nick’s face broke out in a grin a mile wide. “I love you too.” he said softly, gazing up at the other man. Kevin’s heart skipped a beat, hearing the words was almost better than the kidd before it. Kevin blinked a couple of times and pulled back to study the younger man’s face.

“Are you sure? Because if this is some kind of game, or experiment, I need to know right now.” Kevin said, his voice cracking on the last word.

Nick’s eyes went wide and he shook his head emphatically. “No game, no experiment. Just me, sitting in front of the man I’ve always loved, finally hearing he loves me too. It’s a beautiful thing. It’s also incredibly hard to believe, so you might have to do a bit more to convince me.” Nick said smiling cheekily.

Kevin smiled too. His heart was full. The thoughts he’d been having for the past week were real. Nick loved him. They loved each other. What could stand in their way now? “I think I can manage that.” Kevin said huskily before pushing Nick down against the mattress and catching those pouty lips again with his own.