Summary: This is a compilation of the most cringe worthy work of some of our AC writers. The challenge for the month of June is to post your most cringe worthy scene and then rewrite it to the best of your ability. I hope some of you do, so we can see how much you've grown as writers.
*picture some kind of horrid banner here* lol
Eep and i'm sorry if any of my readers think this is a new suspense story because the title makes it sound like it is. lol I'm just posting it because i'm a mod. It has nothing to do with me...sorry :O(
Categories: Fanfiction > Backstreet Boys
Characters: Group, Howie, Kevin, Nick, Other
Genres: Action, Adventure, Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, Dramedy, Fantasy, Horror, Humor, Romance, Science Fiction, Supernatural, Suspense
Warnings: None
Challenges: Series: None
Chapters: 13
Completed: No
Word count: 13250
Read: 21756
Published: 06/02/08
Updated: 06/04/08
1. Just explaining again by Mare
2. "Don't Wanna Lose You Now" by Julie (cringe-worthy) by RokofAges75
3. "Don't Wanna Lose You Now" by Julie (rewritten) by RokofAges75
4. "I Want It That Way" By Steph (Cringe-worthy) by Sakabelle
5. "I Want It That Way" By Steph (rewrite) by Sakabelle
6. Divisions Of Reality 1st chapter (rewritten) by Rose
7. Divisions Of Reality 1st chapter (cringe worthy) by Rose
8. Don't Want to Lose You Now (Yes there's another one! Original Version) by Mel by Mellz Bellz
9. Don't Want To Lose You Now (Part Deux - Rewritten version) by Mellz Bellz
10. Always (Cringe!) by Tantilisinteaser
11. Always (The hopfully better version!) by Tantilisinteaser
12. All I Have to Give: Chapter 1 (Original Version) by BSBSavedMyLife
13. All I Have to Give (Newly Written Edition) by BSBSavedMyLife
Just explaining again by Mare
I don't have chapter to put up and i'm too lazy to go into the forum and post the ones that are there already so i'm just going to say what this is again.
Feel free to post your most cringe worthy scene as it's own chapter but then the very next chapter should be the revamped scene. Do not post your bad scene unless the good one is ready to follow. It's best if everything stays in order.
When you post your scene include your name and what story it is in the chapter titles so this way it's easy for all of us to read and review.
At the end of the month i'll close the red robin!
Have fun!!
~ Mare
"Don't Wanna Lose You Now" by Julie (cringe-worthy) by RokofAges75
To preface, this is the original epilogue to my story "Don't Wanna Lose You Now," which was my second "published" fanfic. (Actually, it was my fourth, but the first three stories were a trilogy, so I tend to think of them all as one story... this was my first story separate from that.) I wrote it in 2000, right around the time I turned 15. It was my first "cancer story," and I would like to think that writing Broken was a way of counter-acting its awfulness. LOL
Anyway, to summarize, Brian has leukemia or Hodgkin's or something (I don't even remember LOL) and needs a bone marrow transplant, and he gets one from his mom, but he rejects it and needs another, and NICK just happens to be a perfect match for him, so Nick donates his bone marrow to save Brian's life. So that's all good and cheesy and horribly unrealistic and teeny, right? But that's not all! Because I'm me, and because I wasn't really that big of a Nick fan back then, I had Nick die of complications from the operation to harvest his bone marrow (bad reaction to the anesthesia or something). I devoted about two sentences of story to a mention of his funeral. And if that wasn't bad enough, here's how I ended the whole story.
This is the original epilogue, in its entirety:
Epilogue
Brian and Leighanne got married on August 14, 2001. They took a long honeymoon in Europe.
The Backstreet Boys decided to take a long break. They didn't know what they were going to do. They didn't want to go on without Nick, but they didn't just want to quit either.
The next year, they released one more album, dedicated to Nick. After that, they went their separate ways. AJ became a solo artist, and went by the name of Johnny No-name. Kevin became a music producer. Howie became the owner of a record company. Brian went to college and got a teaching degree. He became a P.E. teacher. He and Leighanne had two children, Brianne and Nick. He lived a wonderful life with his family, and his cancer never returned.
Eventually, he got over Nick's death. Nick had died, but Brian knew that he and Nick would be reunited one day in Heaven. Then Frick and Frack would be together again.
The End
"Don't Wanna Lose You Now" by Julie (rewritten) by RokofAges75
Here is the rewritten version of the epilogue, with more depth and hopefully less cheese, although the story content is basically the same.
Epilogue
The Georgia sun was high in the sky on that May afternoon, and for the crowd of people sitting in the gleaming metal bleachers, without covering, there was no respite from its heat. Brian could feel its unrelenting rays scorching the bald patch at the crown of his head and wished he had thought to wear a cap. On second thought, he could practically hear Leighanne scolding him for the mere idea. “A baseball cap? To a graduation? Brian Littrell, you have more class than that.”
Smiling to himself, he glanced over at his wife of twenty-seven years. She was classy as always, dressed in a summer sundress that flattered her voluptuous figure. Her hair, dyed blonde to hide the impending gray, was pulled back off her tanned face, though her eyes were hidden behind her sunglasses. A shame, he thought; Leighanne had beautiful, blue eyes. Lines of age had crinkled their corners, but they still sparkled in the sunlight, perhaps with a few tears at their corners as she watched her youngest child sitting out on the football field below in his cap and gown.
He’d be going off to college to study history in the fall, leaving the Littrell nest empty for the first time since the birth of their daughter, Baylee, twenty years ago. It seemed only yesterday that Baylee had been the graduate, and they’d faced the upheaval of their oldest leaving home for the first time. Now it was their youngest, their baby, and squinting down at the broad-shouldered, black-robed figure he knew to be his son made Brian feel very old.
He had turned fifty-three that year – not ancient, by any means, but sometimes he felt that way. It wasn’t his body that felt old – he was still in good health, and he tried to stay in shape. No, it was his soul. He had seen and done so much in his five decades that his time on Earth seemed much longer. In fact, some of his experiences seemed as if they were from another lifetime. No one around this town knew him as Brian Littrell, the Backstreet Boy anymore. He was only Mr. Littrell, the P.E. teacher, or Coach Littrell, to his players on the varsity girls basketball team.
Those who did remember him as the world-famous pop star he’d once been wondered why in the world Brian Littrell had turned his back on stardom and success in the music business and settled down in this podunk Georgia town to raise a family, coach high-school basketball, and teach gym. But to those who knew him best, it made perfect sense.
Brian Littrell had not been born a star. He’d been born a humble Southern boy, who lived to sing almost as much as he lived to serve God, and whose earliest ambition had been to do exactly what he was doing now. In his youth, he’d been called to become a youth minister, then diverted to become a Backstreet Boy, but serious illness and his own brush with death, as well as the death of his best friend, had changed his life’s course once more.
The Backstreet Boys just hadn’t been the same without their youngest member, and for a long time after his death, their career had hung in limbo, while each of them pondered what their next move should be. They had considered quitting altogether; after all, there was no BSB without Nick. But instead, they recorded one more album, released a year after Nick’s passing, as an homage to him. That final album felt like an appropriate epilogue to the unforgettable career they’d shared. For almost a decade, they’d sang together, but they could stand it no longer, at least in the professional sense. The magic was gone; every time they walked out on stage, just the four of them, there was only pain, an empty void where Nick should have stood.
Though their friendship had continued, the remaining four had disbanded and gone their separate ways, personally and professionally . AJ, Howie, and Kevin had stayed in the music business, AJ enjoying a mildly successful solo endeavor, while Howie and Kevin chose to work behind the scenes, producing and managing their own record labels.
But not Brian. With the second chance at life Nick has given him, he had married Leighanne, bought a house in her home state of Georgia, and gone to college. He’d graduated with a degree in education and landed a job that was a far cry from his former one, but still combined two of his other loves: sports and children. Singing became a hobby, as teaching and coaching became his life.
And it was a good life. Looking down on his son, the second of his children to graduate from the school where he had taught for two decades, Brian decided he had made the best out of his second chance. He was no longer performing to thousands and making millions, but he had provided a comfortable life for the family he had raised, and he wouldn’t trade that for anything. It wasn’t the life Nick would have chosen, but somehow, Brian knew he would approve.
Taking his eyes off his son, Brian looked upwards, toward the cumulus clouds spread across the cerulean sky. Throughout his battle with cancer, his faith had stayed intact, but Nick’s death had rattled it. For a time, Brian had struggled with the unfairness and cruelty of the tragedy that had befallen his best friend. Even now, he didn’t have an answer as to his God had taken his best friend’s life in order to save his own. But in time, he had made his peace with the Lord. He still believed in Heaven, and he believed he would one day find Nick there, beyond the clouds or wherever Heaven existed, and thank him for the ultimate gift Nick had given him.
It was thanks to Nick that he was sitting here, enjoying the presence of his wife and daughter, feeling the sun on his skin as he watched his son stand and walk towards the podium.
“Nickolas Carter Littrell.”
As his name was announced, Nick’s namesake crossed the field to receive his diploma, while his beaming father looked on.
The End
"I Want It That Way" By Steph (Cringe-worthy) by Sakabelle
I wrote this story with my friend back in the summer of 1999. It’s pretty terrible… the basic premise is that Nick’s girlfriend breaks up with him, and doesn’t really give him much of a reason as to why. He spends the entire story trying to win her back. We come into the story after they’ve just spent the night at Nick’s apartment. He rented a movie for them to watch, and they fell asleep in his bed. I remember that at the time, I was particularly proud of this scene. Not so much anymore, haha! Maybe one day I’ll re-write the whole thing.
I Want It That Way
Chapter 10 – Nick
I woke up, but Steph was nowhere to be found. My heart started beating faster at the thought that she had left. I quickly got out of bed, no time to get dressed and ran down the hall.
There I saw Steph. Sitting in the kitchen, sipping coffee and eyeing me suspiciously.
“Why are you wearing…. Um… nothing?” She asked, looking over the rim of her cup.
“Um, because that's what I sleep in.” I wasn't going to let it show that she was stronger than I.
“Well, Nickolas.” She said in a huff, as she put her coffee cup down on the table. “Tell me why I woke up beneath your grasp?”
“Steph, I don't know.” I lied. “Maybe it was instinct.”
“Instinct? We slept together once. ONCE! You can't gain an instinct from ONCE!!” She stood up and she was right it my face. I knew I should be screaming right back at her, after all, I did nothing wrong. Actually I wasn't even sure why we had broken up in the first place. Sure I knew the reason, but it didn't make any sense.
“We had sex one time! We slept togther many times!” I replied.
She started walking towards the door but I grabbed her arm. “No, You will not leave!!!.”I said to her.
“WHY NOT?” She yelled. By now, I was pretty sure everyone that lived at Summerland knew about my relationship problems.
“Because,” I said quietly. “I want to know why you dumped me.”
“Ugh, Nick, I thought you were different. Don't you understand??? I already told you, and I don't want to talk about it anymore!!” She escaped from my grasp and ran off. And so, I did the thing I always do when I'm depressed. I pulled out some paper and a pen. I began to write. For an hour I spilled my feelings out onto the loose leaf. I came up with this.
If I could right the wrongs that made you cry
I make a promise not to say good-night
'Cause I'm holding on
With a love so strong
And I can't take a day without you by my side
Girl if I could
If I could change your mind
Baby you help me wipe these tears from my eyes
Chorus
Girl don't stop
The sun from shining down on me
'Cause I can't face another day without your smile
And if you take away the loving arms that suit around me
Then I may break down and cry
just like a child
Girl, I can't belong and I won't be free
If I fail to bring you back to me
So I'm pressin' on I hope you understand
There's a broken heart that lies inside your hands
Girl if I could
And it won't hurt your pride
Baby you can help me stop these tears that I cry
Chorus
Like a child Just like a child
With the spirits running free
She showed me why
Oh, she did
Like a child Just like a child
Think of what our love could be
If our hearts would set us free
Like a child
Chorus
I sat back and admired the song I had just written. I named it 'Like A Child', because I felt there would be no future for me unless I had a future with her. I got up, and went into my room. Just twelve hours ago, I had my arms wrapped around the most amazing girl in my life. Now I was being punished for my actions. I fell onto my bed and slept.
I woke up and looked over to the kitchen clock. it read 2:17 am.
‘Great’ I thought, ‘I just had to go and screw up my internal clock.’ I got up and made myself some coffee. I sat reading the lyrics to the song i had written the day before. Before i knew what i was doing, the phone was pressed to my ear.
“Hello?” A voice answered sleepily.
“Frick, it's me.” I said. My voice was shaky.
“You're insane. Try calling in eight hours.” Brian said followed by the sound of a line hanging up. I stared into the receiver. Great, rejected by my best friend and girlfriend. Well there was only thing left to do, one person left to call.
“Nick? Is that you?”
"I Want It That Way" By Steph (rewrite) by Sakabelle
And here is the updated version!
I Want It That Way
Chapter 10 – Nick
When I woke up, I rolled over and attempted to drape my arm over her. All that greeted me was a mess of rumpled sheets. Glancing around, I realized that she was no where to be found. Thinking she had left, I quickly jumped out of the bed and ran to the living room.
That’s when I saw her. She was sitting at the table, quietly sipping coffee. My heart raced as I thought of what to say, but I couldn’t come up with the words.
Luckily, she could.
“Why are you wearing nothing?” She asked me, looking pretty annoyed. I cringed, this definitely wasn’t going the way I had planned it at all. Oh, and I wasn’t wearing nothing. I was still dressed in my boxers, thank you very much.
“Because that’s what I slept in.” I replied. That much should have been obvious.
“Well, Nickolas.” She said, standing up. Uh oh, using the full name is never a good sign. She glared at me and placed her empty coffee cup down on the table. “Tell me why I woke up beneath your grasp.”
See how she’s changing the subject? I don’t even think she knows why she’s angry with me any more. “I don’t know.” I lied. Big fucking deal! She was the one that had decided to curl up in my bed. “Maybe it was instinct.”
Evidently, that was the wrong thing to say, because she blew up at me. Shit, shit, shit! This was definitely not going according to plan. “Instinct?” She spat. “We slept together once. ONCE! You can’t gain an instinct from ONCE!” She yelled, giving me a death glare. Ouch, that really wasn’t good.
At that point, I was pretty thankful that I lived in a large house that was fairly soundproofed. At least my neighbours couldn’t hear us arguing. How embarrassing would that be?
I tried to reason with her. “We had sex once.” I reminded her, crossing my arms. I tried my best to look intimidating, but I don’t think it worked too well. “We slept together all the time!”
She shook her head and began to walk towards the door. There was no way in hell I was going to let her leave. Not with the way that she was about to leave things. “Don’t leave.” I said sternly, grabbing her arm.
She jerked away from me. I couldn’t see any way to get through to her, and I really didn’t know why she was so angry. She hadn’t been this angry the night before, so what was her problem today? Sure we’d slept in the same bed, and yeah I wasn’t wearing anything but my underwear, but come on! “Why not?” She asked, folding her arms across her chest.
I looked into her eyes, they were filled with such hate towards me. I sighed. All I really wanted was answers, she really hadn’t given me much of a reason as to why we were over. Once I got those answers, I could fix things… but there was no way I was going to fix those things until I knew what was wrong. “I want to know why you dumped me.” I said quietly, giving her a pleading look.
I thought that she would have felt some sort of compassion for me. Once again, I was wrong. “Nick… I thought you were different.” She said. Her tone was softer, which was good, but she still sounded pretty pissed off. “I already told you, I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”
With that, she was gone. I didn’t try to stop her this time. What was the point? She was only going to continue getting angry with me. If she wanted to leave, she could leave. If she wanted to talk with me about things, it would have to be up to her to come to me.
I didn’t have much else to do that day. All my plans on my break from the tour had revolved around spending time with her, and now that she was gone… well, I was pretty bored to say the least. Bored and depressed, not the greatest combination. Going back to my room, I fell on to the bed and slept for a few more hours.
After waking up again, I decided I may as well start my day. After having a shower and getting dressed, I sat down on the couch and tried to watch TV. Nothing really interested me. I sighed, and eyed the pen and paper sitting on the table.
Maybe I could use all this heartbreak I was feeling in some sort of sappy song. After all, that’s what we sing best, isn’t it? I didn’t come up with much, my mind had gone completely blank.
I eyed the phone, maybe Brian would be able to help me. He was always good with relationships and that sort of thing. “Hello?” He answered sleepily. Oh crap, what time was it where he was?
“Frick, it’s me.” I replied, my voice shaking.
Apparently he didn’t pick up on the fact that I wasn’t in the best state. “You’re insane.” He said. “Try calling in a few hours.” And with that, he hung up. Awesome, not only was I rejected by my girlfriend, but now my best friend as well. Fan-fucking-tastic!
I looked at my phone and decided I still had one other option. After all, there was another person that always liked to offer advice. I dialed his number, and almost immediately he answered.
“Nick? Is that you?”
Divisions Of Reality 1st chapter (rewritten) by Rose
Chapter One: Not For Me
Year: 3988
Time left: Eleven Years, four months, two weeks, five days, eleven hours, and twenty minutes
Three flaxen haired children were in the older man’s line of vision. The sun shone warmly upon them, its rays making the tops of their heads sparkle with light as if covered with faerie dust. The little ones were only just beyond the toddler stage, triplets five years of age. Three pairs of matching cerulean eyes were wide with innocence as they chased each other filled with giggles with a light only children could create. Two boys and a girl, all gifted in ways even a proud mother never pictured. There was a bond, evident even at that young age that connected the three tightly, made them sensitive to each other’s needs and emotions.
He was about to take that away from them. He was the one sent to separate the three. How could he tear them away from each other after they had already lost their parents? They would be too young to remember this later on, but the Watcher sensed they would feel the void, the loss, the longing that would be inevitably left behind once he did his duty. It was tragic truly. The kind being smiled faintly. They were the ones however, that much was true as told by the Rinistian faith’s prophecy from centuries, millennias even, before any of them existed. A faith he was a protector of, called a Watcher. Who could believe that these three were the ones capable of saving or damning everything, everyone, in existence?
But for the safety of the triplets, of all things living, dead, spiritual, demonic, they could not remain together…
**********
Year: 3998
Time Left: One year, three weeks, five days, seven hours, fifteen minutes
“Every thousand years…”
“There is a being after the power gained within the crumbling of the walls, with every thousand years there is also the light born to fight, in the darkness there shall be light… I get it already Demitrius! On the gods you make me recite this every damn day don’t you think by all the freaking goddesses, I know it by now? Damn!”
“Nickolas!”
“You’d think you’d know I wanted to be called Nick too!” There were two within the training room. A room with a dark decorum, candles were lit along with incense, sacred markings had been carved within the walls by Rinistian Watchers who had been trained there before their time, upon the floor was the holy altar markings for which spells, meditation were practiced. It was a room the two knew well. One was an older man with raven locks peppered with gray, gentle hazel eyes with wrinkles that had come with time, trials, age, along his face. The other was a sharp contrast to him. That was Nick, a fifteen year old with shaggy golden hair, impish blue eyes that currently blazed with a spirit only a teenager could hold, a lean yet lithe frame tightly muscled from years of training and at the height of six feet.
Demitrius ran a tired hand through his still thick locks, he ruefully thought that even if he was graying, it was nice to still have a full head of hair. A shallow thought for a Watcher, but he wasn’t like most of his faith. He released a sigh, and watched his young, tiresome, charge. Now, he would try to explain yet again why the story, as well as fate, and the teenager’s destiny were so vital. Nick was so important, yet he didn’t seem to care at all.
“My son, I know this but-”
“I’m NOT your gods damn son!” Even after having heard this for so many years when the younger one had been angry, the words still stung as if they were uttered for the first time.
“Nickolas Carter watch your tongue! Swearing by the gods or goddesses is-”
“Does it look like I care!? You are still not my father!”
Finally, even a calm man of the faith could be goaded into agitation beyond his control. “I’m the only family you’ve got!”
“I don’t care! My parents are dead! My triplet brothers are dead! All dead because of one damn prophecy that seems to control my life!”
“You must prepare so you do not have the same fate!”
A fist slams into one of the walls, in the center of one of the many religious markings. His eyes blazed with a dangerous fury. A crack crawled along the wall as a result unknown to the bearer but not missed by the older Watcher. Nick pulled his hand out of the hole he created, completely unfazed, unhurt, and ignored the damage he caused. “What does it matter? I have no real life, no path of my own, no choices. I wake up, I train, we argue. Seven days a week, twenty four hours a day. Why would I care if I die? At least then I would be free!” He screamed at the closest thing to a father he’d ever known, turned, and ran off the his own room unable to deal with the situation any longer.
Demitrius gave a silent prayer as he watched him go. That boy was their last hope.
**************
Nick was more than tired of the stress filled life he was forced to live. Demitrius had raised him there in Florida for as long as he could remember. Earth had always been a simple planet, the origins of humans, and remained such long after technology and knowledge grew around them. It could have been a happy life to live there, if only Nick had been allowed to live it. Or so he felt. He knew when he was too little to remember, he was with his parents Jane and Robert Carter. That was before Zenok had come seeking the power spoken of throughout time and legends. Zenok was the Emperor of many planets, a power that grew each day. He was a man to be feared and to avoid. Soon many felt the universe would be within his grasp. He had been the one looking for him then, and even now. He had killed his parents, and siblings. He had once been a triplet, identical brothers. The Watchers had been forced to separate the three. Nick had been the only survivor. Alone.
Demitrius had been one of those watchers, and took him in. Growing up, Nick had been raised to train and was a born fighting machine. He loathed it however, all been forced on him and given no other options. He had a passion for art but it was rare for him to find a time to do it away from his guardian’s disapproving, critical eyes. He gazed out his window at the starry night and glimpsed a ship as it sailed through space. He loved flying, could do it if necessary. His skills were few however from lack of experience. Frustration ran through his senses as he suddenly grabbed his possessions, tossed them into a bag. He was fed up, done and was going to make his own decision for once in his short life. He played with the ring that rested upon the top of a desk. This had been the ring that marked his destiny. A bright stone that was bluer than any earthling sapphire, dazzled brightly with a light of it’s own. The ring was of a metal that shone like diamonds but had a strength to it, and bore ancient markings upon it from long ago. It was his curse, yet he couldn’t part with it. Not yet. So he wore it upon his finger, only for the moment, and finished his packing.
He opened his window as he gazed upon the ground below. A couple could be seen strolling within the moonlight. Companionship, another aspect of life stolen from him.
He had been forbidden any friends, friends had a danger. So he had been told, a danger of accidentally revealing too much, a chance that could get him killed. A lonely life Nick had lived, but no longer. He leapt from the window and down to the soft grasses below.
“Let someone else be your chosen one.” he whispered out to the darkness of the night. With that, Nick left, vanishing within the safety of the shadows.
Divisions Of Reality 1st chapter (cringe worthy) by Rose
Chapter One: Not For Me…
Year: 3988
He watches on as the three flaxen-haired five year olds play happily together in the sunlight. Who could believe that they are the ones who are capable of causing so much chaos and destruction to everything in existence? The kind man smiles faintly, they look so happy together. It’s a shame they have to separate the three siblings. But he and the other watchers of the Holy Rintistian Faith have no choice. If the story is true, the three children cannot remain together…
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Ten Years Later…
“But every thousand years there is also hope against the evil. In the darkest of nights…”
“There will be light, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Okay, I get it already! Are we done now?”
“Nickolas-”
“Can you ever just call me Nick?” Nick cries, pushing his shaggy light blonde hair out of his face. He’s only heard this infamous religious tale everyday of his life, and to him it got more boring every time. He steps up to the older man angrily. His young childlike face meeting the man’s older, stern one. Nick’s face looks to only be one of a twelve year old, but his 5’9” frame shows his age is actually fifteen.
“We’ve gone over this a bazillion times Demitrius. I know I’m the last one of the sacred triplets still alive. I know the other two rings are lost so mine is deathly valuable! I know I must prepare! I only train every second of every damn day!”
His long time mentor, Demitrius, sighs as he pushes Nick aside slightly. His wrinkled face is worn from his constant troubles. His dark hazel eyes are swirling with worry. His graying brown hair is a sign that his youth is long gone.
“I know my son, but-”
“I’m not your gods damn son!”
“Watch it, Nickolas Gene Carter with your swearing against the gods and goddesses! As for family, well, I’m all the family you have left so-“
“So nothing! I have no GODS DAMN family Demitrius! My parents are dead! My triplet brothers who I never even got a chance to know are dead! I am the last of the Carter Family!” he yells, his sapphire eyes dark and stony with anger.
“Yes, but you must prepare so you do not end up like them.”
“Why not? My life is worthless anyway! What do I have to live for? There is no pleasure in my life, so what is the point? I train twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week! That is my life! So why am I never allowed to relax? You know, here I am living on earth, one of the most fun and entertaining planets in the Milky Way Galaxy, but do I ever get to have fun? NO!” he shouts, his rage growing rapidly to reach dangerous levels. Nick slams his fist into a nearby wall and easily going through it and causing a large hole. He pulls his arm out, ignoring the pain as numerous hazardous cracks begin to quickly creep up along the walls as the end result. “So leave me be!” he screams and storms off to his room.
Nick is tired of the stress filled life he must always deal with. Demitrius has raised him here in Florida for as long as he can remember. He knows though for awhile he was with his parents Jane and Robert Carter, before the evil came and The Watchers were forced to separate him from his siblings. He was told that he was the only one who is still alive and who’s hiding place is unknown. Nick has been raised to train and is a born fighting machine. He hates it however, he loves drawing and tries to do it often but Demitrius often discourages it. He looks out his window at the starry night and sees a ship sail through space. He loves flying, and can do it if necessary, but isn’t very good at it because that is yet another thing he isn’t allowed to do. He watches two young teens laugh and giggle as they stroll down the sidewalk and sighs. He longs for a companion. Because of his so-called sacred duty, Demitrius will not let him have friends outside his trainers. Also, his birthday is in a couple weeks, and he knows he doesn’t want to spend it here. His birthday is on December 31, but Demitrius considers that a bad omen, so his birthday is never celebrated. This year, he wants to have fun and he knows he can’t do that here.
“All I want is to be normal and to have some friends, is that really to much to ask for?” he asks himself softly.
“No,” he tells himself, “It’s not.”
Nicks flops onto his red and black bed, and grabs a nearby duffel bag. “That’s it, I’m outta here. I’m gonna live my life on my own, and I’m gonna live it my way.” he grumbles.
He walks over to his closet and several shelves automatically pop out. Nick grabs his guns, expertly strapping them to his arms and legs and hiding them beneath his clothes quickly. He then throws in random clothes hurriedly. He’s about to leave when he suddenly rushes back to get what he valued most, his drawing pad. He sighs with relief knowing he had almost forgotten it. It falls open to a clearly detailed drawing of a young girl on a foreign planet, standing happily next to her spaceship. You cannot see her face though, for she still has her helmet on with her long hair sticking out in tuffs out of her helmet in the back. Nick smiles as he closes the sketchbook, putting it in the bag, and sealing it up securely. He slowly slips his muscular, trim frame through the window and jumps to the ground.
“If you can’t let me be me, then I’d like to see you do your stupid mission without me.” he whispers as he goes out into the dark night.
Don't Want to Lose You Now (Yes there's another one! Original Version) by Mel by Mellz Bellz
Like Julie the fan fic scene that I'm rewriting is from my very first fan fiction titled Don't Wanna Lose you Now. (We were so original back then!) Originally, I was going to rewrite a scene from another story entirely, but the subject matter of the scene is not a subject that I really wanted to rewrite as I quickly learned when I tried to get into it. Anyway this story is definitely awesomely cringe worthy lol. Just a quick synopsis... It's about these twins Megan and Melissa (named after my friend Meg and I of course) who go to Cancun for Spring Break and wind up meeting (and falling in love with) AJ and Nick respectively. Of course to up the drama factor Melissa is about to have surgery to remove a deadly brain tumor which of course makes her whole love affair with Nick more turbulent. Melissa pulls through surgery, but due to complications is left blind. Somewhere in the midst of this she breaks up with Nick because she doesn't want to hold him back and then finds out she's pregnant. She and Nick have a fight. She goes on a drinking binge and loses the baby. While in the hospital being treated for alcohol poisoning, they offer to try this new laser medical procedure which restores her eyesight. She and Nick get back together, and at the ripe old age of nineteen and knowing Nick for all of three months they get engaged and live happily ever after. LOL Yes, I really came up with all that crap, and it definitely makes me cringe now to think about it. But I was sixteen when I wrote this and at the height of my teenybopperdom. Now I'm twenty-four, so a lot has changed lol.
Anyway the scene that I have chosen to rewrite is from Chapter Two of the story where things are still semi-normal. Melissa and Megan have just arrived in Cancun. Meg met AJ outside the hotel and he invited her to go clubbing with him and his friend (Nick of course). Melissa spotted Nick in the lobby, fell in love on his first sight, only to see his girlfriend Erin come flying out of nowhere to kiss him. In this scene, the girls meet AJ at the club and Melissa discovers that AJ's friend is the same guy she saw earlier. The difference in writing styles will really blow you away.
Melissa and Megan were walking down the strip towards the club that night. Melissa felt very strange in Megan's short silver dress and matching high heeled sandals. This was so totally not her. Megan on the other hand looked incredibly comfortable in her own black mini and matching tank top. As soon as they arrived at the club Melissa knew that the night was going to be horrible. Megan quickly spotted AJ and dragged her over to him.
"Hey," Megan called to him as she tapped him on the shoulder.
"Oh hello. I saved us a table. It's right over here," he informed them as he led them to the table.
Melissa almost died right there when she saw that the really hot guy from that afternoon was sitting there with his girlfriend. The night was going to be a living hell filled with tons of depression.
"This is my friend Nick and his girlfriend Erin," AJ told them gesturing over to the couple.
Nick, Melissa thought. The name seemed to fit him.
"Oh hi guys I'm Megan and this is my sister Melissa."
"Pleased to meet you guys," Nick said.
Was it her imagination or was Nick looking right at her when he said that, Melissa wondered. No, it couldn't be.
"Would you ladies like a drink?" AJ asked.
"Sure," Megan answered enthusiastically.
"What about you?" He asked Melissa.
"Oh no thanks. I don't drink."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm positive.
"Well, alrighty then," he said as he led her sister to the bar.
Melissa turned around to see Nick and Erin in deep conversation. They both looked so happy and in love with each other. She watched as the two leaned in for a sweet kiss and at that moment she realized that she needed to get out of there for a while.
She ran out to the beach with tears streaming down her face. Who would ever love her like that? Probably no one. Anyway it didn't matter. Soon enough she would probably be dead.
The operation is only two weeks away she thought. Actually less than that. It honestly scared the hell out of her. She couldn't die. She was only 18 and there was so many things she had yet to accomplish. Thinking of all this only made her more depressed. The only thing that she could do now was sit there and cry.
She looked up at the sky and made a wish on a star. What was her wish? It was to be able to fall in love before she died. To be able to experience it. Only thing she forgot was the old saying be careful what you wish for you might just get it.
Don't Want To Lose You Now (Part Deux - Rewritten version) by Mellz Bellz
This is the updated version I wrote! MUCH better, but still probably not something I'd write today.
Ouch! How the hell does Megan manage to walk in these things? Melissa wondered as she wobbled on the uneven planks of the boardwalk in her sister's strappy silver stilettos. Self consciously she tugged at the hem of Megan's sparkly silver minidress, which Megan had also insisted she wear. The look was completely not her and Megan knew it.
"Stop doing that!" her twin chastised. "You're never going to attract any male attention if you act self conscious all night."
That was easy for Meg to say. She looked completely comfortable and natural in her own black mini skirt and lacey camisole tank top. She couldn't believe that she'd let her sister drag her out to some club to meet a guy that she had been flirting with earlier. It totally wasn't Melissa's scene, but being a bit of a pushover, her twin sister had won out in the end.
"This is it," Megan announced as they approached a particularly crowded looking bar. They stood at the door and flashed the bouncer their IDs before stepping into the pulsating building. Her eyes scanned the dance floor, her brow knitted with worry that she wouldn't be able to find AJ after all. All of a sudden Melissa got a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach that the night was going to be awful.
A skinny built guy with tattooed arms and a perfectly trimmed goatee approached Megan from behind and slyly wrapped his arms around her waist. "Hey beautiful. I thought you'd never get here."
Megan whirled around a flirty grin on her face as she leaned up to kiss the guy on his cheek. "I told you I'd stop by." As if she finally remembered her sister she gestured towards Melissa. "This is my sister Melissa I was telling you about. Mel, this is AJ."
"Nice to meet you," AJ told her as he took her hand. He quickly turned his attention back to Meg though. "I scored us a table up in the VIP section. Follow me. My friends are already up there waiting."
AJ led the two girls up towards the VIP section. On their way up the stairs Megan turned around and mouthed the words he's really hot to her sister. Melissa just rolled her eyes and continued to follow AJ towards the table he had reserved. She stopped dead in her tracks once AJ reached what was presumably his table. Already seated there was the very same gorgeous guy that she had caught sight of in the hotel lobby checking in earlier and the same girl he had been kissing at the time. She assumed that they were probably a couple. Just great, she told herself as she awkwardly stood there. It totally figured that out of all the guys in the area, Meg's new friend had to be friends with this guy. Tonight is just getting better by the minute.
"This is my friend Nick and his girlfriend Erin," AJ introduced, gesturing over at the happy looking couple.
Nick, Melissa thought. So he does have a name. It seemed to fit him well.
Her thoughts were interrupted by Meg's bubbly personality taking over. "Hi guys. It's nice to meet you. I'm Megan and this is my twin sister Melissa," she told the pair with a wave of her hand.
"It's a pleasure to meet you two," Nick replied. Was it her imagination or did it seem as if Nick was looking at her as he spoke. It probably was just wishful thinking or something. His girlfriend was sitting right there.
"Can I get you ladies something to drink?" AJ offered.
"Sure. Red bull and vodka," Megan quickly answered.
AJ smirked. "My kind of girl." His gaze shifted to Melissa. "What about you?"
"I'm good," Melissa quickly declined.
AJ narrowed his eyes at her. "Are you sure? It's no trouble."
Melissa shook her head. "I'm positive. I'm not much of a drinker."
He shrugged his shoulders. "Well, ok then. Your loss." He turned his attention back to Megan and held out an arm for her to grab onto. "Shall we?"
Meg giggled before accepting his arm. "Of course." The pair headed off in the direction of the bar leaving Alyssa to awkwardly stand there alone with both Nick and Erin.
Wow... Uhh awkward, she thought as she turned her head to see Nick and Erin deep in conversation, their foreheads bent together so closely that they were almost touching. It seemed like such a perfect, intimate moment and Melissa couldn't help, but to feel torn with jealously as she stood there and watched. She wasn't sure if it was the fact that she found Nick attractive or the fact that she just longed to have someone to be able to share a moment like that with. Whatever the case, she found herself having to look away when their lips met to steal a sweet kiss. Suddenly she felt way too much like a fifth wheel. Nick and Erin appeared to be in their own little world and Megan and AJ were too infatuated with their flirtation to even notice her. Feeling a choked up sensation in the back of her throat, she turned on her heels and ran back down the stairs. She didn't stop until she was out in the open air. Pausing only to momentarily ditch the blasted stilettos, she continued down towards the beach, collapsing onto the sand when she was far enough from the boardwalk to ensure that she was completely alone.
By now tears were freely streaming down her face and she felt absolutely pathetic and stupid all dressed up like she was Megan. This wasn't her at all. Furthermore she felt embarrassed that seeing Nick and Erin seem so happy together had gotten her so upset. Sometimes she wondered if she'd ever get the chance to have somebody love her in that way. Considering what she was up against the odds were unlikely. In a few weeks she could very well be dead.
The operation to remove the tumor growing inside her head was scheduled to take place only two weeks after her and Meg were to arrive home from Cancun. It was scary as hell to think about. She knew the risks of the surgery she was about to have and there was a very good chance that complications could arise and she wouldn't make it through. Still, though the possible advantages far outweighed the risks. Without the surgery, the tumor would only grow bigger and she probably wouldn't even make it to see nineteen. She definitely wasn't ready to die. There were so many things that she wanted to accomplish in her life. She wanted to attend college... Start a career... Fall in love... Get married... Have a family some day... But all those aspirations were on hold right now. Her fate remained solely in the hands of God.
As juvenile and as stupid that it had sounded, a part of her secretly dreamt that she'd go away on this trip and meet a completely perfect guy who would at least give her a small taste of what romance could feel like. She felt that she should at least be granted that before she died. What a dumb idea, she realized. Most of the guys around here are just looking to mess around and you're too shy to catch a guy's attention anyway. She's hoped that Meg would pull her out of her shell a little more, but based on the way she'd been glued to AJ's side, it seemed as if she was only interested in helping herself. Face it... It's not going to happen.
Fate works in funny ways though, and little did Melissa know that in just another hour or so a chain of events would be set off that would change her life forever.
Always (Cringe!) by Tantilisinteaser
Author's Notes:
Okay so I got into fanfiction when I was about fourteen fifteen and loved how I could get so lost in it all. I wrote a few very bad fics myself, some were posted on fanfiction.net and alas are now long gone.
So I wrote a few crappy ones and left it to that. Then a few years ago I found that I needed a hobby of some sort, something to get me away from the monotony of everyday life. So that's when I decided to start writing again. It took me a while to get into the swing of things and my first attempt back was Always. It was only posted on her last year but it is now actually about three to four years old and boy has my writing improved!
So here is the crappy, cringe worthy chapter.
“Seven hours since you went away,
Eleven coffees, Ricky Lake on play
But late at night when I’m feelin’ blue
I’ll sell my ass before I think of you.” I heard a creak and looked towards the door where Nick was standing, hair dishevelled from sleeping.
“You know it’s rude to eavesdrop don’t you?” he grunted in response and fell into the couch beside me rubbing his eyes and sighing. “Head hurting? Well don’t expect any sympathy from me; I had suffer the couch for you!” I laughed as he groaned, still trying to wake up.
“You could have slept in the bed with me,” he yawned, failing miserably at flirting.
“Yeah we all know how that ended up last time, and plus with your snoring? No thanks,” I laughed writing down the lyrics in my note book.
“I do not snore, what are you working on?” He asked glancing over my shoulder.
“You do to and what does it look like I’m doing, blondie?”
“I like that lyric, sing it for me?” He asked, smiling up at me, a goofy sleepy grin that was one of the many things that I loved about him. No don’t go there, been there bought the t-shirt already, friends is good, friends is fine.
“Eleven hours on a brand new day,
I’m getting ready to go out and play,
It’s late at night; I’m caught in a groove,
I’ll kiss my ass before I’m feelin’ blue,
Seven hours what you callin’ for?
A bunch of flowers and I’ll slam the door,
You’re in my face sorry what’s your name?
Takes more than begging to reverse my brain.”
“Why you don’t sing is beyond me, Will.”
“Oh stop it, we’ve been through this and you’re starting to sound like my Dad, I don’t sing I write.” He was looking at me intently, god his eyes are blue today, almost as blue as when we… no stop it that was over a year ago and you’ve been good, but you haven’t been around him. Maybe this was a mistake, maybe I shouldn’t be here, but if I wasn’t here then I’d be at home moping about the ass wipe who cheated on me.
“You still there tree?” He asked a smirk crossing his face.
“Hmm, Oh sorry.”
“Not thinking of the asshole again are you?” He said rubbing my arm with a frown.
“A bit, but obviously this song is about him, so it’s nearly out of my system, its just missing something.”
“Well let’s have a lookie shall we? It needs a bridge” He pulled the note book from my hands along with the pen and began to chew on the nib lightly, a little habit he had whilst he thought. He was obviously singing it in his head and he began to bob a bit, making me smile.
“Why do cry –y-y?
For the guy-y-y
Say goodby-y-y
Walk away now,” he sang lightly.
“Thanks Nicky,” she whispered, but she looked away quickly trying to conceal the tears in her eyes. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and pulled her close to me; she didn’t protest and snuggled into my shoulder with a sigh.
“I thought we talked about this? He’s an ass, a big jerk, you deserve better.”
“I know, I just wish I would have figured that out before, thanks for inviting me along this is just what I needed,” She said lightly.
“No probs tree, it’s nice having a girl around I mean who else is gona’ pick up after me?” I joked and she smacked my arm in response.
“So this is what this is huh? Some ploy to have someone to pick up after your messy ass, I should just leave now and damn you to a life of messy hotel rooms,” she tried to keep a straight face but it broke into a huge grin that always made me smile. “So what are you going to do with your afternoon off, now that you have wasted the morning?”
“Chill I think, store up my energy for going out again tonight and you’re coming out tonight too” she tried to protest but I covered her mouth with my hand, “Uh Uh no excuses, you’re coming out and that’s final, ewwww,” I pulled my hand away after she licked it. Smiling up at me she giggled, her blonde fringe framing her pretty green eyes, she held my stare and I knew she felt what I felt.
“Ok fine but I refuse to sleep here again, you can suffocate in your vomit tonight and no tequila,” she said sternly.
Always (The hopfully better version!) by Tantilisinteaser
I strummed aimlessly on my guitar trying to rid the many depressing thoughts that floated around in my head. It didn’t seem to working very well, the dark, overcast Saturday morning that was seeping in through the window suiting my dismal mood perfectly.
It had been less than a week since I found out and not from him either, I had the humiliation of seeing the photos on Myspace, posted by the slut he had apparently just received head off. Not that it mattered either way, I couldn’t stand to be with a cheater, I had seen what it had done to other friends and there was no way I was going to waste the best years of my life only to regret it later. It still hurt though. In actual fact it seemed like nothing was ever going to pull me out of my dark depressed pity party far one.
I placed the guitar on the couch beside me as I grabbed for the remote control blindly flicking from channel to channel not really knowing what I was searching for. The news? Nope that would just be a way to get more depressed. Beaches? God that film was such a downer at the end. Hmmm Ricki Lake…My boyfriend is really a women and is also the half sister I never knew I had. Now there was an intriguing programme and a life that actually seemed more depressing then mine…there might still be hope!
I watched as the tale unfolded but it didn’t hold my attention for as long as I hoped it would and soon I was relating (don’t ask me how) to the women who told the tale of deceit and betrayal. I just needed to get him out of my head and after a frustrated sigh I angrily picked up the remote and switched the TV off, plunging me into silence again. I grabbed the acoustic guitar and cleared space on the coffee table, sitting down on it when all of his crap was clear. I don’t know why but I cant sit anywhere conventional when I write, it used to drive my mother insane.
***
It had only taken an hour but I had the majority of the song and I started strumming again, singing the first verse quietly, so I wouldn’t disturb sleeping beauty in the next room, even though it was almost one o’clock in the afternoon.
“Seven hours since you went away,
Eleven coffees, Ricky Lake on play
But late at night when I’m feelin’ blue
I’ll sell my ass before I think of you.”
I heard a creak and looked towards the door where Nick was standing, hair dishevelled from sleeping, his tshirt and boxers in creases the sunglasses covering his eyes a dead give away of what he was suffering from.
“You know it’s rude to eavesdrop don’t you?”
He only grunted in response and fell into the couch beside me rubbing his eyes and sighing. “Head hurting?” I asked and he nodded slowly, quite clearly trying to avoid too much movement in fear of his brain rebounding off his skull causing more pain. “Well don’t expect any sympathy from me; I had suffer the couch for you!” I laughed as he groaned, still trying to wake up.
“You could have slept in the bed with me,” he yawned, failing miserably at flirting.
“Yeah we all know how that ended up last time, and plus with your snoring? No thanks,” I laughed writing down the lyrics in my note book.
“I do not snore,” he replied indigently before he glanced over my shoulder and down at my notebook nosily “what are you working on?”
“You do to and what does it look like I’m doing, blondie?”
He choose to ignore my comments. “I like that lyric, sing it for me?” He asked, smiling up at me, a goofy sleepy grin that was one of the many things that I loved about him. No don’t go there, been there bought the t-shirt already, friends is good, friends is fine.
“Eleven hours on a brand new day,
I’m getting ready to go out and play,
It’s late at night; I’m caught in a groove,
I’ll kiss my ass before I’m feelin’ blue,
Seven hours what you callin’ for?
A bunch of flowers and I’ll slam the door,
You’re in my face sorry what’s your name?
Takes more than begging to reverse my brain.”
“Why you don’t sing is beyond me, Will.”
“Oh stop it, we’ve been through this and you’re starting to sound like my Dad, I don’t sing I write.” How many times did I have to go through this with people? I was not a singer, sure my voice didn’t totally suck, yes I could hold a decent enough note, yeah I loved to sing. But in the shower by myself was enough of an audience for me, there was no way I was going to sing in front of a room full of ten people let alone a stadium full of thousands, I just did not have the confidence in myself to do that. No I would write the songs and watch other people sing them from the sidelines.
He was looking at me intently, god his eyes were blue today, almost as blue as when we…I just about manage to pull myself from the erotic memory before I totally embarrassed myself. God it was well over a year ago, he probably didn’t even think about it anymore, he had enough groupies to satisfy his needs he didn’t need little ole me with all my emotional baggage and I certainly didn’t need his at the moment. Maybe agreeing to this had been a mistake, maybe I shouldn’t of come, but if I wasn’t here then I’d be at home moping about the ass wipe who cheated on me…And now I was back to thinking about him just fucking great!
“You still there tree?” He asked a smirk crossing his face when he realised I must have zoned out on him.
“Hmm? Oh sorry,” I replied lightly guiding my fingers over the strings.
“Not thinking of the asshole again are you?” He said rubbing my arm with a frown.
“A bit, but obviously this song is about him, so it’s nearly out of my system, its just missing something,” I sighed
“Well let’s have a lookie shall we?” he said as he pulled the notebook from me and after a few seconds he took of his sunglasses revealing his tired bloodshot eyes.
“What’s the matter Nicky? Cant read with em on?” I joked and he just stuck his tongue out at me “It needs a bridge,” he told me after about a minute. He was obviously singing it in his head and he began to bob a bit, making me smile.
“Why do cry –y-y?
For the guy-y-y
Say goodby-y-y
Walk away now,” he sang lightly.
***
“Thanks Nicky,” she whispered, but she looked away quickly trying to conceal the tears in her eyes. I knew it would take her a while to cry, she always tried to hide her emotions, tried to prove that she was strong, that nothing hurt her she was a lot like me in that respect. I tried to protect myself from others if they didn’t know then they couldn’t think I was weak, they wouldn’t be able to use it against me later, I knew it was stupid but when your emotions had been used against you in the past it was something you had to do. She needed this though, she needed to cry about this jerk, as much as she didn’t want to I think she needed the closure.
When she had first called me she had been so pissed off, more angry then upset but I could hear the faint sound of rejection in her voice and knew that she needed a friend. Autumn was away travelling in some distant remote part of the world and although she wouldn’t have minded Willow joining her I knew there was no way she could afford it. When I offered to fly her our so she could come and stay with me she had refused, firstly giving the excuse that she couldn’t afford it, then when I said I would pay she told me that I shouldn’t waste my money on her. After three attempts she finally caved but it had only been when I offered her a job. It seemed like the perfect solution Alisha came to me, saying that although she loved the touring she felt like she needed to concentrate on sorting her wedding out, that she was missing Matt too much and as soon as I could find another bass player she wanted to leave. Any other time and it would have left me totally pissed off but I found myself happy that she wanted to leave and wasted no time at all in calling Willow.
I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and pulled her close to me; she didn’t protest and snuggled into my shoulder with a sigh.
“I thought we talked about this? He’s an ass, a big jerk, you deserve better.”
“I know, I just wish I would have figured that out before, thanks for inviting me along this is just what I needed,” She said lightly.
“No probs tree, it’s nice having a girl around I mean who else is gona’ pick up after me?” I joked and she smacked my arm in response.
“So this is what this is huh? Some ploy to have someone to pick up after your messy ass, I should just leave now and damn you to a life of messy hotel rooms,” she tried to keep a straight face but it broke into a huge grin that always made me smile. “So what are you going to do with your afternoon off, now that you have wasted the entire morning?”
“Chill I think, store up my energy for going out again tonight and you’re coming out tonight too” she tried to protest but I covered her mouth with my hand, “Uh Uh no excuses, you’re coming out and that’s final, ewwww,” I pulled my hand away after she licked it. Smiling up at me she giggled, her blonde fringe framing her pretty green eyes, she held my stare and I knew she felt what I felt.
“Ok fine but I refuse to sleep here again, you can suffocate in your vomit tonight and no tequila,” she said sternly.
Hole in the head – Sugababes.
All I Have to Give: Chapter 1 (Original Version) by BSBSavedMyLife
Author's Notes:
This is very first chapter I ever wrote for BSB fan fiction. I was 16 years old and it was only supposed to be this one chapter to win a bet. Needless to say, it was the start of my fan fic writing "career." LOL! I find it very "cringe worthy" compared to my latest stuff.
Kristin stood in her apartment in Orlando, Florida. All was silent except the sound of traffic from below. She sighed and plopped down on her bed. Her framed poster of Nick Carter from the Backstreet Boys was on the wall beside her bed. I wonder where Rachel is, she thought. I hope nothing happened to her. Kristin bit her lip in anxiety.
Rachel and Kristin had been best friends for eight years. They had gotten an apartment together and planned on going to UCF for college. Kristin had moved away to Chicago while the two were still in high school, but now the day had come where the two of them would be together again. A smile came to Kristin's face when the thought of how much fun they were going to have came across her mind. Just then, there was a knock on the door. Kristin excitedly hopped off her bed and answered the door. Outside the door stood a girl of 5'1" with long autumn brown hair and deep blue eyes. She was highly in fashion with her light blue sun dress and black sandals.
"Oh, my, God! Rachel, how are you?" Kristin asked as she hugged Rachel.
Rachel laughed. "I'm great! Oh, gosh it's so good to see you!"
Kristin smiled and let Rachel into the apartment. "So, how was your trip down here from Missouri?"
"It was pretty good. A long drive, but I made it." Rachel looked around. "Wow, this is a phat apartment! How did you get it?"
"My godfather found it for us," Kristin said.
Rachel's eyes lit up. "That's awesome!" The smile slowly faded. "Can we afford this?"
Kristin nodded. "It's all been paid for."
"Are you serious?"
"Yup, all we have to do is pay utilities, groceries, and do well enough in school and he'll pay our rent."
Rachel beamed with excitement. "We're gonna have so much fun living here! Show me your room!" Rachel said while tugging Kristin down the hallway.
Kristin laughed. "I see you still have your bubbly attitude."
Rachel grinned as she walked into Kristin's room, which was neatly decorated with posters of BSB, mostly Nick. "I see you still like the Backstreet Boys."
Kristin blushed a little. "Yeah, I do."
"That's okay, so do I."
"Still nuts over Brian?"
Rachel laughed. "Of course."
Kristin snickered. "Come on, Rach, lets get your stuff."
Kristin helped Rachel bring in the stuff from her car. They arranged her room the way she wanted it. After a couple of hours, Kristin stopped and stretched to her full height of 5'8" and groaned as her muscles resisted. She ran her fingers through her shoulder length brown hair and sighed.
Rachel went out to the hallway and came back with a famed poster of Brian Littrell. "I think he's adorable," she said.
Kristin laughed. "Honey, you're nuts."
"Thank you," Rachel said with a grin.
"That wasn't a compliment."
"Too bad, I took it as one."
Kristin laughed and rolled her eyes. "I don't know about you, but I need a break," she said to Rachel. "I'm hungry."
Rachel smiled from her position on the from the floor near a bookcase where she had been stacking some books that she had brought. "You read my mind. Where do you want to go?"
"Hmm, do you want pizza?"
Rachel smiled. "I love pizza." She stood up and stretched her own muscles then grabbed her car keys. "Let's go," she said.
Both girls left the apartment and headed to the parking lot on the pretty mid August day that Orlando was having. They breathed in the fresh air and felt their energy being restored as they walked across the parking lot.
"It's really beautiful here," Rachel said.
"I know, I love it," said Kristin.
"We had nice weather in Missouri, but this is unbelievable."
"Yeah, it is. I don't think I could ever get tired of it."
Rachel looked over at Kristin and flashed her a smile. "We're in Florida. We can see anything or anyone we want."
Kristin grinned. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"Uh huh. What do you say? I mean, we are two weeks early for classes. So, why not?"
"Hey, I'm game. I just don't want to look like a lawn dog," Kristin admitted.
"Yeah, me either," Rachel sighed. "Okay, I guess that was a bad idea, but I have to meet one of them while I'm here."
"Trust me, I know and I understand. But college isn't over for either one of us anytime soon, so we have a lot of time," Kristin pointed out.
"I know. Maybe I'll have a major figured out by the time I'm thirty," Rachel chuckled.
"You'll know what you want to do with your life sooner or later."
Rachel sighed. "I hope so," she said as she unlocked the door to her 1998 purple neon.
The girls drove downtown to a pizza parlor. They went inside and sat down at a booth and looked at the menu.
"What kind of pizza do you want?" Rachel asked Kristin.
"I like cheese pizza the best," she said.
"Okay, we'll have that then."
The waiter came over and took their order. Kristin and Rachel both ordered a Sprite to drink. Rachel looked around. The walls were covered with pictures of celebrities.
"This place is pretty cool," Rachel commented. "The pictures really set it off."
Kristin nodded. "Yeah, they do," she said while looking at a picture of the Backstreet Boys.
Rachel took a sip of her drink. "So, what classes do you have?"
"On Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I have college algebra, English 101, and a P.E. class. What about you?"
"I have college algebra, bio chem., a P.E. class, and an English 101 class on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. On Tuesday and Thursdays have a music introductory class, another P.E. class, and a history class."
Kristin grinned. "I have all the same classes on Tuesday and Thursday except I don't have the music class."
"Cool, maybe we'll have some of the same classes together."
The waiter came and brought their pizza. Kristin and Rachel ate heartily then decided to leave. They put the tip on the table and headed out to the car.
"So, where do you want to go now?" Rachel asked.
Kristin let out a yawn. "I say we go back to the apartment and go to sleep. All that unpacking wore me out."
"Me too. Why don't we get a good night's sleep tonight and tomorrow we can hit the mall? I'm dying to check it out."
"Sounds cool to me," Kristin said.
"Alrighty then," Rachel said as she got in the car.
All I Have to Give (Newly Written Edition) by BSBSavedMyLife
Author's Notes:
This is my edited versin of the first chapter to All I Have to Give. I find it much easier to read and the two characters have a lot more flair. You can sense the relationship a little better and the fact that Kristin's character is supposed to be some what of a bitch, it shows in this chapter better than the original. What do you think?
Chapter 1
Kristin sighed as she put the rest of her clothes away in her dresser. She’d been in her new apartment for over three hours and there was still no sign of Rachel. As usual, Rachel was running behind schedule. Kristin rolled her eyes at the thought. She and Rachel had been friends for over eight years, but Rachel’s time management skills were one of the many things that drove Kristin nuts. Kristin picked up her cell phone to check the time. It was now nearly six o’clock in the evening.
“Where the hell is she?” she muttered to herself.
Without a second thought, she dialed Rachel’s cell phone number. The phone rang three times before she answered.
“Hello?” said Rachel.
“Girl, where are you? I’ve been waiting all day?”
“Whoa, hang on,” Rachel said.
Kristin snickered to herself when she heard Rachel put the phone down. There was loud music playing. She couldn’t help but dance a little when she realized that Everybody (Backstreet’s Back) was playing. She heard Rachel cursing before she picked up the phone.
“Sorry about that,” Rachel said.
“What was that all about?”
“I nearly ran off the side of the road while talking to you,” Rachel said with a soft chuckle.
“Girl, you need to learn how to drive.”
“I know how to drive. I’m just not good with the phone and driving at the same time.”
“Whatever,” Kristin said. “How much longer until you get here?”
“Maybe another thirty minutes. I’m just now getting into Orlando.”
“What took you so long anyway?”
“I took a stop in Georgia last night. I woke up late and was in a rush to get here.”
“Woman, you are never on time.”
“At least I’m in Florida,” Rachel joked.
“That’s not saying much,” Kristin replied with a grin. “Do you know how to get here?”
“Yeah, I’ve got a map.”
“Oh, Lord,” Kristin replied. “I’ll expect another call from you in five minutes,” she said with sarcasm.
“Oh, funny,” Rachel said.
“Bye,” Kristin said with a laugh then hung up.
Kristin went back to unpacking her things. After spending nearly twenty minute unwrapping her fragile items from the bubble wrap, she found a box that was very well taped. A smile spread across her face when she took the scissors and opened it. Inside the box was her entire collection of Backstreet Boys memorabilia. She’s been collecting merchandise from all over the world ever since she became a fan. Kristin pulled out her favorite picture of Nick Carter. She had the picture glossed and put into a frame. Kristin looked around her room and found the perfect spot for it, on the night stand beside her bed. She admired the picture for a moment then heard the sound of someone knocking on the door. Kristin went and answered the door. There stood Rachel with a big smile and her arms full of boxes.
“Finally!” Kristin joked as she let her in.
Rachel put down her boxes. “Girl, give me a hug,” she said as she stretched out her arms.
Kristin hugged Rachel. “It’s so good to see you. It’s been far too long.”
“I know, what’s it been? Two years?”
“It’s been close to that,” Rachel said with a nod. “Last time I saw you was at the Backstreet Boys concert back in 1997.”
Kristin hugged her again. “I’m so glad we’re finally in Florida. We’re going to have so much fun!”
Rachel laughed. “I know, it feels good to finally be out of Missouri,” she said as she picked up her boxes. “So, which one is my room.”
“This one,” Kristin said as she opened the door for her.
Rachel set her boxes down by the wall and looked around. “Wow, this place is really awesome. How did we score this again?”
“My godfather cosigned for me,” Kristin said. “Actually, he said he’d pay the rent on this place if we keep up with the utilities and other expenses. All I had to promise was that I maintained my GPA in school,” she said with a grin.
“Sounds like a good deal to me. Alright, I’ve got a ton of more stuff out in the car. You wanna help?”
“Yeah,” Kristin said as she followed her outside.
She took a glimpse of Rachel’s purple 1998 Dodge Neon that had a small U-Haul trailer attached to it and laughed.
“I thought you said you didn’t have much to bring with you?”
“I didn’t,” Rachel said as she opened the trailer. “I left most of my stuff at home.”
“I’m surprised you didn’t pull your bumper off with this thing,” she joked.
“Oh, shut up. There’s not that much stuff in here,” Rachel said as she handed Kristin a box. “It’s my bed that was too big to fit in the car.”
“Right,” Kristin said as she walked back to the apartment with the boxes.
Kristin helped Rachel unpack some of her boxes. She drug in a big box from the living room. It was very heavy and took all of her body weight to push it into the bedroom.
“What the fuck do you have in here? It weighs a ton.”
Rachel glanced at the box and grinned. “Read the label.”
Kristin looked on the side of the box and laughed loudly. “Backstreet Boys Stuff. Fragile!” she read out loud. “You act like it’s expensive china or something.”
“It is!” Rachel said as she stood up. “Move over,” she said as she pushed Kristin out of the way.
“Girl, you need mental help,” Kristin said while watching her open the box. “Oh, my god, you wrapped everything in bubble wrap and put towels in between stuff. You have officially lost it.”
“Oh, hush,” Rachel said as she began pulling some items out of the box. “It’s not like you don’t have stuff too.”
“Yeah, but you’ve got your entire collection in this huge box. Forget your bed being too big for your car. It was this box!” she joked.
“Bite me!” Rachel said as she pulled out a framed poster of Brian. “Look at this man. He is so hot!”
Kristi shook his head. “Nick is hotter…by a landslide.”
“Nick is cute, but Brian’s got what I like.”
“That’s because you have bad taste.”
“You’re mean today,” Rachel said with a fake frown. “I don’t think I like you anymore.”
“Oh, stop it. You know I love you,” Kristi said as she hugged Rachel. “I’ve had about enough of this unpacking shit. Let’s go eat somewhere.”
“Good idea,” Rachel said as she set the poster against the wall. “Pizza?”
“I should’ve know,” Kristi said with a grin. “Let’s go. We’re taking my car.”
“Okay,” Rachel said as she followed Kristin outside.
Both girls left the apartment and headed to Kristin’s car on the pretty mid August day that Orlando was having. They breathed in the fresh air and felt their energy being restored as they walked across the parking lot.
"It's really beautiful here," Rachel said.
"I know, I love it," said Kristin.
"We had nice weather in Missouri, but this is unbelievable."
"Yeah, it is. I don't think I could ever get tired of it."
“So, uh…what are the odds of us running into…you know,” Rachel said with a grin.
Kristin laughed. “Girl, you have a one track mind,” he said as she unlocked the car.
Rachel smirked and got into the passenger seat. “Well?”
“I think you should realize there’s more to life than Backstreet Boys,” Kristin said as she turned the ignition.
“I know this,” Rachel said as she put on her seatbelt. “I’m just saying. We’re in their hometown…and they’re not touring.”
Kristin snickered ad turned on her radio. “Sing along with the CD and shut up, you goober.”
Rachel reached over and turned to her favorite track. She grinned wildly as the music began to play. Kristin laughed as she started to dance in her seat.
“Oh my god, we’re back again!” Rachel sang.
Kristin cracked up and continued to drive. “I’m so scared to call you my best friend.”
“Brothers, sisters everybody sing!” she continued. “Come on, Kris, you know the words.”
Kristin laughed as she sang along with Rachel. They came to a stop light and they immediately broke into a fit of giggles as the did some of the dance moves to the song. Kristin looked over at Rachel and grinned widely. She knew it was the beginning of an amazing adventure.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.