It was Saturday the 3rd of October, 3.30 am in New York. Outside it was pouring like crazy. You couldn’t see the other side of the street through the thousands of raindrops, falling down endlessly.

The clock on the wall was ticking with every second that passed by. In the house it was quiet like nobody was there.

But there was.

In the bedroom there was a woman laying in bed. She wasn’t sleeping though. She was staring at the ceiling with eyes wide open instead. She couldn’t sleep because her husband wasn’t home yet.

He would be home 3 hours ago. At least, he said he would. It was 3.30 am now and he still wasn’t home. He didn’t even call her. She tried to call him, but she only got his voicemail. “Hey yo, what’s up? I’m not there at the moment. Well… duh, otherwise you wouldn’t get my voicemail. Anyways, if it’s urgent, leave a message. Otherwise… well, don’t. Hasta la bye bye!” She had left a message 2 hours ago but still he didn’t call back. She even sent 4 text messages asking him where he was and when he would finally come home. No text message back from him either. Maybe she was too pushy with all those text messages but hey, she had the right to be worried about her hubby too!

‘Enough!’ she muttered to herself, got up and reached for her cell phone. She dialed her husband’s number one more time and held her phone against her right ear. She heard 5 rings before his voicemail went off again. ‘FUCK DAMNIT!’ she yelled and threw her phone on the bed in front of her.

‘I bet he’s sitting somewhere with his mates again. Probably drunk. And who has to cope with that drunken idiot? That’s right. Me.’ She crossed her arms and sighed. Ten seconds later she saw the display of her phone lighten up. She grabbed her phone and picked up without checking the caller I.D.

‘Now where the hell are you?! Have you got any idea what time it is and how worried I am?!’ she nearly yelled.

‘Hey, Kelly. It’s me, Brian,’ she heard Brian’s voice on the other side.

‘Oh, hey Bri. I thought it was Alex,’ she said surprised, her voice slowly turning calm.

‘Actually, I am calling with his phone. He is just too drunk to know how it works.' I could hear by the tone of his voice that he was rolling his eyes. 'I will be bringing him back home right now. I will explain the rest when I’m there, ok?’

‘Yeah, that’s ok. Thanks,’ she nodded, exchanged goodbyes with Brian and hung up. She quickly got out of bed, put on her bathrobe that was lying on the chair and walked into the living room.

She turned on all the lights and made herself some coffee in the kitchen. ‘I will be needing that after so much frustration,’ she said to herself.

Fifteen minutes later the doorbell rang. She didn’t hesitate a second and rushed to the door.

‘Fucking finally!’ she yelled.

‘Goodnight to you too,’ Brian smiled at her. He had a drunken AJ leaning on him. He muttered a low “yo” at her.

‘Don’t you dare to yo at me! I have been trying to reach you for hours!’ she still yelled.

‘Ehm… Kelly? Can we go inside?’ Brian said.

Kelly now noticed they were standing in the pouring rain.

‘Oh God, of course! I’m sorry!’ she said, feeling embarrassed.

Brian put AJ down on the couch and sat next to him. ‘I’m deeply sorry we’re late,’ he started.

‘You better be,’ she sniffed, then calmed down. ‘I mean, Alex better be sorry. What happened?’

‘Well, we were in a bar. It was really much fun. But Alex… We told him to take a coke or something else non-alcoholic. He didn’t want to. He promised he could handle it and wouldn’t get drunk. But yeah, we all know Alex.’ Brian rolled his eyes. Kelly nodded and waited for him to continue.

‘Then he suddenly got off his stool and walked onto the dance floor into the crowd. We followed after him a few minutes after. But we didn’t see him anywhere on the floor, neither at the bar nor anywhere else in the place. So we assumed he must have been walked out to smoke a cigarette. I walked outside but Alex was nowhere to be found. I called the others and we decided to look for him near the building. I mean, he couldn’t get very far with a drunken head.’

‘Anyway, we have been searching for him for 3 hours! We found him lying in the bushes with vomit a few meters away from him together with his phone,’ he finished the story and sighed deep while rubbing his eyes.

‘I knew he would be drunk. And that explains why he didn’t respond to my calls and text messages,’ Kelly said and looked at her husband.

‘Anyway, I’ll take care of him now. You better go home to Leighanne,’ she smiled.

She followed Brian to the front door. ‘Thanks for bringing him here, Bri. And for taking the trouble to search for him.’

‘No problem. We couldn’t leave him all drunken in the city. I mean, it’s Alex. Drunk,’ Brian said and smiled.

‘I’ll let Leighanne call tomorrow to ask you how it went,’ he added.

‘You can’t call yourself? So your wife is your slave, or what?’ Kelly teased him.

‘No! I mean she is your friend, and I think she wanted to call you tomorrow anyway,’ he said.

‘It’s ok. Just joking,’ she smiled. Brian walked away to his car but before he got in he said, ‘by the way, she is my slave for other occasions!’

‘Brian! That’s gross!’ Kelly laughed and shook her head.

Brian laughed loudly, got in the car and drove away.

Kelly closed the door and saw Alex staggering through the living room, attempting to go to the stairs.

‘Hold on a second there,’ she said on a strict tone. AJ ignored her and got on the stairs.

Kelly rolled her eyes and walked up to him. ‘Didn’t you hear me?’

‘Yeah, I heard you!’ he yelled. That scared Kelly off a bit. He usually only muttered and got into bed and slept immediately. He never yelled before. Especially not at her.

She soon remembered that she was the one who had reason to yell. ‘You don’t need to yell at me like that.’

‘Just shut the fuck up!’ he yelled again.

That took everything for Kelly to grab his collar and pull him back before he could go upstairs any further.

‘Listen! For one time, can’t you just go out without getting yourself drunk?! I have been waiting for you! I was worried as hell! Afraid that something might have happened to you! When will you finally listen to your friends?!’ she yelled.

‘Don’t fucking yell at me, woman!’ he screamed.

‘Woman? You ungrateful son of a b….’ But before she could finish her sentence she felt an awful pain on her cheek.

He smacked her. He actually smacked her.

She touched her cheek with her hand and looked with mouth open in astonishment at him.

‘See, now you will shut the hell up,’ he said.

Kelly didn’t hesitate and slapped him back in the face. She knew it was the wrong thing to do the second right after she slapped him. Never, ever, hit drunken people.

AJ grabbed her throat and threw her on the floor. She hit her head hard.

‘If you dare to hit me like that ever again, you won’t get out of this house alive!’ he screamed and spit on her. Then he got upstairs, as far as he managed to.

She lied there on the floor. Speechless and hurt.

‘Don’t cry,’ she whispered to herself and squeezed her eyes, trying to hold the tears back.

‘He’s just drunk. This will happen only one time. He will be sorry tomorrow morning,’ she kept on whispering to herself. She swallowed and carefully got up from the hard floor.

She took a glass of water and slowly sipped it to stop herself from shaking. She was so scared. Scared of AJ. That he would hit her more. Drunken people could be terribly aggressive and strong too.

She forgot about that. She was so angry, frustrated and tired at the same time, and then he yelled at her like that too. Then he even smacked her face. That was the last straw for her so she hit him back.

Now she knew the consequences. Next time she should better go to sleep and wait till he got home and got into bed as well. Then nothing of this bad stuff would happen.

She put the glass in the sink, turned off all the lights and slowly got upstairs as well. When she peeked into their bedroom she saw AJ lying in bed, sleeping.

She got inside, closed the door quietly and got into bed as well after taking her bathrobe off.

She put the light off on her cupboard, and tried to sleep.

She couldn’t though. Her heart was still beating so fast and she was still so afraid. Should she call Leighanne? No, perhaps not. She should let her friend give her rest. Besides, Leighanne would call tomorrow anyway. She wasn’t so sure if she would tell about what happened between her and AJ though. But she would decide about that tomorrow.

After one hour of thinking and worrying she finally slept with AJ snoring softly next to her, as if nothing had happened.

The next morning when Kelly woke up she saw AJ still lying next to her, this time with his face very close to hers. The smell of alcohol was all around him. It disgusted her so she quickly got out of bed and took a shower before she would start to smell like alcohol. Well, she probably already smelled like alcohol, since she had been lying next to him for a couple of hours.

After the shower and getting dressed she made herself some breakfast. AJ wouldn’t be needing it. He would probably be spending a big part of the morning in the bathroom.

Kelly sighed sadly. Where were the times where they were having breakfast together at Sunday morning? A year ago he was barely drunk. Maybe only at parties, but then she was drunk as well. Then her friends had to take care of the both of them. But they didn’t have that many parties. So they weren’t that often drunk together either.

Now AJ was drunk almost every weekend. Lately it wasn’t only the weekend. Except for the weekend, he sometimes was also drunk on 2 other days. It was horrible, and it would only get worse if nobody would do anything about it.

She took a sip from her orange juice and started to read the newspaper without really reading what was actually written there.

She scared the hell out of her when the house phone rang. She put the newspaper down and picked up.

‘Kelly McLean,’ she answered.

‘Hi Kel! How are you?’ Leighanne said cheerily.

She hesitated for a moment. ‘Just fine.’ She bit her lip after she said that. She didn’t feel comfortable lying to Leighanne.

‘You sure? You sound a bit of… I don’t know. Are you sure?’ Leighanne sounded worried.

‘I’m ok. Really. What about you? Could your dear husband sleep a little?’ Kelly grinned.

‘Yeah, he could. Thank God. When we went to bed, he was first complaining about Alex for the first half hour and continued to talk about how worried he was about you. I just told him to shut up and talk about it with me tomorrow because I was too tired to discuss with him.’

Kelly could hear a smile in that. She smiled as well. ‘Glad you could shut him up,’ she laughed. ‘Did you discussed it now?’

‘Yeah, we kind of did. He was worried about the both you. And to be honest, I am too.’

‘No need to worry about anything, Leigh. We are fine.’

‘We are all worried, Kel. I mean, Alex is drinking so much lately. And we don’t know what he is doing when one of us is leaving him alone with you.’

‘What do you mean?’ Kelly asked, feeling uncomfortable.

‘Well…’ Leighanne didn’t know how to put this. ‘Did he… hurt you… when he was drunk?’

Kelly suddenly had the feeling that she knew about last night. ‘Hurt me? Like, hitting me?’

‘Well, yeah. Something like that,’ she said carefully.

‘No. He never did. Can we change the subject?’ Kelly muttered.

‘Sure. What are your plans for today?’ Leighanne asked.

‘Work,’ she sighed. ‘I have to start around 3.’ She looked at the clock. It was 11 now, she would have time enough before she would have to leave. ‘What about your plans?’

‘Oh, well. I was wondering if you were going with Alex to Howie and Leigh’s place, since the guys have a photoshoot at this weird ass place somewhere in the city. It would be nice to have some company, since Leigh wanted to stay at home to take care of James. If you’re not coming I don’t have any girly company to gossip with,’ Leighanne grinned.

‘What about Lauren? Isn’t she going with Nick?’

‘Nope. Nick said she was very busy. Don’t ask me with what. Besides, you so rock at gossiping. So, pretty please?’

Kelly smiled. ‘Alright. I thought I heard Alex talking about the photoshoot but he didn’t ask me if I wanted to go with him though.’ Her smile disappeared and she felt sad instead.

‘Hmm… Weird. Anyway, it’s great you’re coming! Thanks a bunch!’ Leighanne squealed. ‘It’s going to be so much fun! You and me hanging around at the photoshoot! Watching the guys being photographed for the next hour. Hey! We could try to make them laugh!’ Leighanne was rambling on for a while like that.

Kelly wasn’t really listening to what she was saying though. She was looking at the stairs instead. She didn’t hear anything telling that AJ would be awake yet.

‘Kelly? Keeeeelly? Hello?’ she heard Leighanne shouting.

‘Hey! No need to make me deaf!’ Kelly said on a bit of a snapping tone.

‘Sor-ray.’

‘I’m sorry. I was distracted. Anyway, how long is that photoshoot taking? Not too long, I hope?’

‘One hour. If it’s running out, it’s one and a half hour. You should be on time at your work after it.’

‘Okay, sounds perfect. I guess I’ll be seeing you in… how long?’

‘One hour to be precise. Make sure that your hubby is done in time!’ Leighanne said. ‘Chirp!’ then she hung up.

‘I hope he will be,’ Kelly sighed to the phone before hanging it back on the wall.

She walked upstairs to check on AJ. He was still sleeping.

She carefully crawled on the bed and softly kissed his cheek. ‘Honey, wake up.’

AJ groaned and turned around with his back to Kelly. She shook his shoulder a bit. ‘You have a photoshoot in one hour.’

‘Five minutes more?’ he said. At least he finally talked normally to her.

Kelly sighed deep. ‘No. Because five minutes is thirty minutes for you.’

‘Maybe in your world. Five minutes is five minutes,’ he muttered into his pillow.

‘Maybe in your world,’ she imitated him. She grabbed the blankets and pulled them off. ‘Get showered and dressed! I will be making a quick breakfast for you.’

‘Kellyyyy!’ he whined. ‘Don’t do this to me. Join me instead,’ he smiled over his shoulder.

‘No way, José! You should smell yourself!’ she made a face and looked at him.

He breathed into his hand and smelled it. ‘Ugh! That smells.’

‘No shit, Sherlock. And it’s not morning breath. It’s alcohol. So, I’ll make you a nice breakfast that will definitely cheer you up,’ Kelly smiled. ‘Get a shower and dressed. I’m expecting you downstairs in 20 minutes.’ She then walked out, leaving the blanket on the ground.

AJ grabbed the pillow and pulled it over his face.

Kelly quickly drank her glass of orange juice empty and ate her last bits of bread before making AJ’s breakfast. After finishing off his breakfast, she put some painkillers on the plate and put it down opposite of her on the dinner table.

Ten minutes after that AJ came downstairs and sat down. He looked at his plate with a disgusted expression on his face. ‘Is this my breakfast?’

‘Would you rather have bread and a cup of coffee instead? Because I’ve had that once when I had a hangover and I’m telling ya, it’s no fun and it surely doesn’t make you feel any better,’ Kelly said.

AJ looked at his plate again and picked up a piece of chocolate. ‘Chocolate?’

‘Leigh said that it helps. I’ve tried it once, and it works pretty good. It doesn’t make you puke,’ she shrugged.

He carefully put the piece in his mouth as if he thought it was poisoned. He chewed and swallowed.
‘Hey, that isn’t so bad!’ His face lightened up some. He then took one painkiller and swallowed it down with some water. After taking a few more pieces he seemed to feel better.

‘And here you have some pieces of pineapple. It helps too,’ she smiled as she gave him a bowl with pineapple pieces.

‘You're an angel,’ he smiled appreciatively back and took a bit from one piece. ‘Damn, what happened last night?’ he said as he pressed the palm of his hand against his temple.

Kelly bit her lower lip. Should she tell that he hit her and threw her on the floor? Plus, he spit on her, not to forget that.

‘Nothing special. You were drunk, so Brian brought you home. You went to bed immediately. I didn’t notice much of it,’ she lied. At least the bit about Brian was true. Only the stuff after was a lie.

‘Oh, I don’t remember any of it,’ he muttered.

‘Nothing?’ she asked.

He shook his head and finished two pieces of pineapple. Then he took another painkiller together with some water. ‘I’ve had enough. I’m not that hungry today. It was a weird, but nice breakfast. Again, thank you,’ he smiled at her.

How she loved that smile. She missed it. She missed him. The real, sober him. With the emphasize on sober.

She smiled back at him. ‘By the way, why didn’t you ask me to go with you to the photoshoot? Leighanne is going with Brian. She will be even taking Baylee with her as well,’ she decided to ask him.

‘I don’t know. I’m so busy these last days, it’s kinda stressing me out sometimes,’ he sighed.

So I’ve noticed, she thought. She looked a bit disappointed about the fact he forgot about her.

‘I’m sorry, babe,’ he said and took her hands. ‘I want you to be with me as much as possible. But with all these interviews and performances I just can’t always take you with me, you know? We have to rush from one place to another. Especially because the popularity of This Is Us is increasing,’ he explained.

‘Yeah, I know,’ she just said, took one hand out of his and leant her head on it.

He didn’t know what to say to her. He could see she missed him. She looked really sad. After all the promotion and the This Is Us tour he would definitely take a few weeks off to spend some time with her. It was really necessary to build up their relationship again. He had the feeling it wasn’t going very well between them, and he wanted to change that.

But first he had lots of work to do.

‘We should better go. Leighanne called and said everybody would be meeting at Howie and Leigh’s place and we would be leaving from there,’ Kelly said after a short silence.

AJ just nodded, put his coat on and took all the necessary stuff with him. Kelly also put her coat on and followed him outside into the car.

The drive to Howie and Leigh’s house was silent. They were both thinking and worrying about their own things.

When they arrived they already saw the cars of Brian and Nick. They got out and walked in silence to the front door. AJ rang the bell and was soon welcomed by Leigh.

‘Hey guys! Great you’re here!’ she said after hugging both AJ and Kelly.

Leighanne jumped up from the couch, ran to Kelly and hugged her tight. ‘I missed you!’ she squealed.

‘We met two days ago!’ Kelly laughed. The others laughed as well.

‘You better let go of her before you’re choking her,’ Brian said. Leighanne stuck out her tongue to him.

From the corner Baylee came racing and embraced AJ’s leg. ‘Uncle Alex! Come! I want to show you something!’ he said in excitement as he pulled on his hand.

‘Alright, little hero!’ he laughed as Baylee pulled him forward into the other room.

Kelly couldn’t help but smile at how cute AJ was associating with Baylee. She walked over to the living room and sat down next to Leigh on the couch.

‘Where’s Nick?’ she asked once she saw Nick was missing while she swore she saw his car on the driveway.

‘Toilet, he isn’t feeling very well. The hangover is still troubling him,’ Brian answered.

Kelly rolled her eyes. ‘Were Alex and Nick the only drunken ones?’

‘Yep, Brian and I were completely sober,’ Howie smiled proudly. ‘Always am, always will.’

‘Oh yeah? What about that party we were at like a month ago? You were soaked!’ Leigh said as she kindly pushed his shoulder.

‘I wasn’t soaked! Just a bit tipsy!’ Howie defended himself.

‘Tipsy. Yeah, right,’ Leigh rolled her eyes but smiled at him.

‘You weren’t that sober that night either, young lady,’ Howie smiled cheeky as he moved closer to Leigh.

‘YO LOVEBIRDS!’ Brian shouted.

Howie and Leigh turned their heads at him.

‘Get a room!’ he laughed. Kelly and Leighanne laughed as well.

‘Whatever, man,’ Howie grinned and leant back again.

Just about then, AJ and Baylee came running into the living room again.

‘Dad! Dad! Look what Uncle Alex made for me!’ Baylee smiled as he sat on his father’s lap. He held a Lego car in his hand.

‘Wow! That is one awesome car! But I bet your dad can build way more awesome cars!’ Brian looked at AJ, smiling wide.

‘Sure, dude, sure. In your fu..’ he stopped because Leighanne coughed as she gave him a warning look and gestured at Baylee with her head. ‘In your dreams!’ he corrected his sentence.

‘Wanna bet?’ Brian smiled even wider, as if it could get any wider than it already was.

‘Sure! What about 20 bucks?’ AJ smiled too.

’25!’ Brian said.

’30!’

’40!’

‘Deal!’ AJ smiled as he shook Brian’s hand.

Baylee was fully entertained by the two and smiled at the both of them. ‘I can get the bricks!’ he squealed as he wanted to take off back into the play room.

‘Hold on a second, big man!’ Brian said as he held Baylee tight. ‘You are going with us to daddy’s work!’

That made Baylee even more excited. He loved going with his father to his work.

‘I’ll get Nick,’ Howie said as he walked out of the living room. Not much later he came back with a bit of a pale-looking Nick behind him. ‘He’s ready,’ he smiled.

Nick muttered something unheard as he followed the others out. Howie kissed his wife and his son goodbye and followed last after the others. Everybody got into their own cars and took off to the place of destination.

When they arrived, the guys were lead to the dressing rooms immediately. Kelly, Leighanne and Baylee were lead to three chairs close to the shoot area. From there they could see the guys perfectly.

‘Would you like something to drink?’ a woman asked with a friendly smile.

‘Coffee, please,’ Leighanne nodded.

‘Sugar or milk, perhaps?’ the woman asked.

‘Just sugar,’ she smiled.

The woman looked at Kelly but Kelly didn’t notice it, she was in deep thoughts about last night. ‘Ma’am?’ the woman asked.

‘Kelly!’ Leighanne whispered and bumped her elbow in Kelly’s side.

‘Huh?’ she woke up from her thoughts.

‘Would you like something to drink?’ the woman asked again.

‘Oh, yes. Just water, please,’ she nodded confused.

‘And what about you?’ the woman knelt down to reach the same height as Baylee.

‘Orange juice,’ Baylee smiled while sitting impatiently on his chair.

‘Alright, I’ll be back soon with the drinks,’ the woman winked and walked away.

‘How come you’re so off today?’ Leighanne asked immediately.

‘What do you mean?’ Kelly replied.

‘You seem so absent-minded all the time.’

‘Oh. I don’t know. I’m just tired, I guess.’

‘You sure?’ Leighanne asked worried. But before Kelly could reply, Leighanne said, ‘Ooh, there they are!’

Kelly followed her look and saw the four men walking towards the shoot area and stood in front of a huge white sheet, ready to pose.

‘So, did you already buy something?’ Leighanne asked after they watched the guys posing for a while.

‘For what?’ Kelly asked confused.

‘For Baylee’s birthday, of course!’ Leighanne exclaimed, throwing her arms in the air.

‘But his birthday is in November!’

‘So? You can never be early enough for buying birthday prezzies!’

‘Well, to give you the answer: no, I haven’t. And I think it’s too early to buy something yet.’

‘Pffssh. Meanie,’ Leighanne crossed her arms and looked at the guys. ‘Aw man, I could eat Brian when he wears that blouse!’

‘Okay, too much information!’ Kelly laughed.

‘Well, don’t you like Alex’s outfit?’ she smiled while wiggling her eyebrows.

‘Oh well… I quite like those jeans,’ Kelly muttered.

‘Oh, don’t talk like you have a major secret teeny crush and you're not married with him!’ Leighanne rolled her eyes.

‘Okay, okay. He looks fucking hot in those jeans. Makes me wanna eat him too,’ she confessed. Then the both of them burst out in laughter.

‘Having fun there?’ Brian smiled while walking up to them with a bottle of water.

‘Sure, sure. You’re having fun?’ Leighanne smiled as well.

‘Nah. Kind of boring,’ he sighed, took an empty chair and sat down next to Baylee. ‘Are you having fun with these ladies?’ he said as he rushed his hand through the boy’s curly hair.

‘Nah, it’s boring too,’ Baylee sighed. Then suddenly he got an idea as his face lightened up. ‘I know what I want to do!’

‘And what’s that?’ Brian smiled at his son.

‘I want to do a photoshoot too! Just like you!’ he smiled excitedly.

Brian and Leighanne looked at each other and decided what they should do without saying a word. Leighanne just nodded, so Brian turned his head back to Baylee and said, ‘you can take 5 shots, alright?’

Baylee just screamed happily and ran to the shoot area. ‘Ready to pose!’ he smiled.

The photographer laughed and took a few shots. They were more than 5 but that was okay with Brian and Leighanne. When he came back, his day was all good.

Kelly smiled at the little family. One day she hoped AJ and her could be like that too.

‘Hey babe,’ AJ said when he sat down next to her. ‘You’re okay?’

‘Uh, yes. I am,’ Kelly answered shortly and smiled a little.

‘Hmm, doesn’t sound too convincing. Is everything alright?’

Kelly hesitated for a while. No, I can’t talk about it here, not where everybody can hear us. I’ll still wait till tonight. ‘Yeah, sure. Just a bit tired, that’s all.’

‘Maybe you should go to bed early tonight,’ AJ said as he kissed her lips softly.

That one simple kiss made Kelly feel so warm and happy inside. It has been so long since they kissed. When she thought about this, she felt like crying her eyes out, but she could control it. She did feel tears burning though. Don’t cry.

Then Leighanne started to talk to her the rest of the hour. The guys had to go back and continue with the photoshoot. Kelly and Leighanne were gossiping and chatting about stuff women talk about. Kelly tried to avoid the AJ-topic as much as possible. Fortunately Leighanne didn’t start about last night at all. When everything was finished, Kelly had to hurry so she could change into her working outfit. She and AJ said quickly goodbye to everybody and got into the car.

They talked the drive home more than they did the drive to Howie and Leigh’s.

‘I will take you home, then I will drive on,’ AJ said when they were almost home.

‘Why?’ Kelly asked, quite disappointed that she couldn’t spend the last few hours with him before she would have to go to work.

‘I have an interview,’ he said shortly.

‘Interview? I thought Nick said you had the whole afternoon off and that you would only have to go to a tv-show tonight?’ Kelly said confused.

‘Kelly, do you always have to nag on and on about my business?’ AJ snapped.

In the meanwhile they arrived home.

That perplexed Kelly a bit. ‘Fine,’ she said pissed and got out of the car without giving him a kiss or saying goodbye.

She walked straightly to the front door and got into the house, slamming the door.

She threw her coat on the floor, took a pillow from the couch and threw it through the room. Then she grabbed another pillow and yelled into it. ‘Asshole!’ she screamed after she threw that pillow on the floor. She took a deep breath and looked out of the window. AJ already took off. She was actually expecting him to follow her and apologizing to her for his snapping. He didn’t.

Before she knew it she burst into tears and collapsed onto the floor. What had she done that he was acting like this to her? She was almost the perfect wife. She got a great job, she was always taking care of him. When she had a bad day, she didn’t snap at him, like he does so many times at her.

She bowed forward with her face in her hands, shaking from crying. She felt so frustrated and stressed out. She really had to talk to him, before things were really getting out of hand.

She got herself up supporting her arm on the couch and sat down. She calmed down after a few minutes and just stared at nothing specifically.

She would talk to him tonight, after she got back from work and after he would be coming back from the tv-show. Yes, she had to. She just had to. She couldn’t wait till tomorrow or another day, not with his busy and unpredictable schedule. She never knew what things he would have to go to tomorrow and how long it would take.

She changed her daily clothes into her working outfit and got into her own car, and took off to her work. She came back home around 9 pm. Totally exhausted she flopped down on the couch. She took her cell phone out of her purse to see if she had any missing calls or text messages. She had one missing call and a text message, both from AJ.

Hi babe. I’ll be back around 11 tonight. Missing you & loving you. XXX

He wasn’t mad at her anymore. That made her smile. She would only have to wait two hours and then he would be back again.

She decided to change into her pj’s and watch some tv with a bowl of crisps. An interesting movie was on so she wouldn’t be worrying about being bored those two hours. Once the movie was over it was half past 11 but AJ still wasn’t home.

Oh well, maybe it turned out to take a bit longer than he thought, she assured herself.

She zapped through the channels and came on another movie. She decided to watch it to kill the time some more.

It was 1 am and AJ still hadn’t came back home. She took her cell phone but her display didn’t say she had any missing calls or received text messages.

She dialed AJ’s number and waited for him to pick up. Or for him to not pick up.

After 5 rings she heard his voicemail again. She left a message and then laid back on the couch again. She hoped he wouldn’t be coming home all drunk again. If that would be the case, she would leave him alone though.

She didn’t finish watching the movie since she had slowly drifted off to sleep. Two hours later she woke up by the sound of the front door closing. She got up and looked back into the hallway.

She saw the a silhouette of a man. ‘Alex?’ she said sleepily.

She saw that the person, who she was almost sure of it was AJ, was staggering and stumbling.
Oh no.

‘Alex, are you okay?’ she asked and turned on the light in the hallway and saw it was AJ, just like she had expected.

‘Leave me alone,’ he muttered as he wanted to walk into the living room.

‘Sorry?’ she said, because she hadn’t heard him.

‘Leave me alone!’ he said a little louder and pushed her roughly away.

Kelly was scared again and stood with her back against the wall, looking how he stumbled to the couch and sat down.

‘You should better go to bed, dear,’ she said softly.

‘DIDN’T YOU HEAR ME?!’ he shouted.

She backed off and ran into the kitchen. She leant her hands on the sink, trying to fight the tears that were burning behind her eyes.

He was drunk. Probably even more than last night. And what could she do about it? Nothing.

She had planned to talk to him tonight but she could already erase it out of her mind. Now there wouldn’t be any other opportunity for the next months for her to have a serious conversation with him.

She took a glass of water and drank it empty in four huge sips.

She scared the hell out of her when she saw AJ standing next to her. She didn’t say anything to him, she didn’t even look him straight into the eyes.

‘Where are you going?’ AJ said as he grabbed her arm.

‘Upstairs. I’m tired,’ she said while making an attempt to pull her arm out of his grip.

‘You’re not,’ he half-smiled as he pulled her closer and tried to kiss her.

‘Alex, no,’ she said as she smelled the gross alcohol all around him, especially coming out of his mouth.

‘Come on, don’t be stubborn,’ he muttered as he took a tighter hold of her.

‘Alex, let me go. Now,’ she said as she tried to push him away.

‘Listen to me for one time!’ he yelled and smacked her cheek again.

‘Fuck you!’ she shouted as she pushed him away and ran into the hallway. She tried to go upstairs but he grabbed her ankle and pulled her down. She hit her knees hard on the stairs.

‘Talk to me like that again and you will regret!’ he shouted and pushed her against the wall. Then he started to kiss her neck.

‘No, Alex. I don’t want. Let me go!’ she said and tried to push him away again, only to feel a terrible pain in her stomach. He had kicked his knee into her stomach and then grabbed on her shoulders and threw her on the ground. He was losing his mind and couldn’t take control of his anger and his drunkenness. He kicked her in her stomach again. And again. And again.

‘A-Alex. Please. I b-beg you. S-s-stop,’ she whispered, blood dripping from her lower lip.

He went on his knees and punched his fist against her eye. And then once again.

‘SHUT. UP!’ he shouted, grabbed her head and hit it on the ground. Then he punched her stomach, got up and kicked her a few times again.

‘Alex..,’ she whispered before everything faded to black and unconsciousness took over her.

Thirty minutes later AJ sat on the floor with his back leant against the wall. Tears were streaming down his face as he looked at his wife, beaten up and unconscious. All because of him.

He felt horrible. He felt sick. He was disgusted of himself.

‘Kelly,’ he sobbed as he moved closer to the limp body. He took her hand and held it against his wet cheek. ‘Please, Kel. Wake up. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to. I didn’t want to. Please, babe. Forgive me. Wake up, honey,’ he cried. But Kelly didn't respond to his regretful words, his tears falling on her shirt.

Suddenly he felt his cell phone vibrating in the pocket of his jeans. He stuck his hand into his pocket and got the phone out. The caller ID said it was Brian.

He looked at Kelly first, then back at the caller ID and then back at Kelly again. He then picked up and put his phone against his ear.

‘Alex? Are you there?’ he heard Brian asking.

‘B-brian. I… Kelly… she… I… Oh God, Brian! You gotta help me! Please!’ he was sobbing.

‘What’s wrong? Is there something wrong with Kelly? Tell me,’ Brian said, getting worried.

‘Come… please… Kelly… she… she’s… hurt… B-brian… help,’ he stuttered as more tears were streaming down.

‘I will be coming right away, Alex. Stay right where you are, ok?’ Brian tried to calm him down.

‘Y-yes,’ AJ nodded.

‘See you in twenty minutes,’ Brian said before hanging up.

‘Hurry!’ AJ yelled to the phone. Then he returned back to Kelly and caressed her bruised face.

‘It’s going to be ok, babe. Brian will help you. I p-promise,’ he sobbed.

While Brian was driving he had called an ambulance. He knew things got out of hand between AJ and Kelly. He knew there was something wrong. Terribly wrong.

He had told Leighanne to stay home and that he would call later.

He arrived at AJ and Kelly’s right when the ambulance was arriving.

‘Are you Brian Littrell?’ one of the paramedics asked.
‘Yes, we have to go into this house,’ he nodded and ran to the house and rang the door bell.

‘Alex! Open up! It’s Brian!’ he shouted while he kept knocking the door.

The door opened almost immediately as he saw AJ with red swollen eyes.

‘She… she…’ AJ muttered.

Four paramedics were running inside, two holding a brancard.

AJ collapsed into Brian’s arms.‘It’s going to be fine, man. The ambulance is here,’ Brian consoled him.

‘She… she…’ he kept on repeating.

‘Kelly is going to be ok,’ Brian said as he held AJ tighter.

Brian and AJ saw how the men took the brancard with Kelly on it to the ambulance.

‘Are any of you relatives? Brother, boyfriend or husband? Cousin, perhaps?’ One of them asked.

AJ couldn’t say anything, he was crying too hard.

‘I’m just her friend. He is her husband,’ Brian answered. ‘But he’s kind of drunk.’

‘Can you take care of him?’ the same man asked.

Brian nodded. ‘Sure.’

‘We will take her to the hospital. You can follow us, sir,’ the man asked.

Brian nodded again, closed the front door and led AJ into his car. Brian got behind the steering wheel and tried to keep up with the ambulance as much as he could.

When they arrived they could see the men taking Kelly into the hospital.

‘Come on,’ Brian said as he got AJ out of the car. AJ still had to lean a bit on Brian in case he would fall. When they both got into the main hall, one of the paramedics ran to them and said, ‘you have to wait here. One of the doctors will come if we know any more about her condition and her injuries.’

‘No! Kelly!’ AJ shouted. Brian stopped him and sat him down on a chair. ‘Alex, you can’t go. They will take care of her now. Kelly will be alright, do you hear me?’ Brian said as he knelt down in front of him.

‘No, no. She won’t be alright!’ AJ shouted.

‘Alex, look at me,’ Brian said. ‘Kelly will make it, ok? I know that what you’ve done to her was wrong, but she will be fine!’

AJ nodded slowly, not really convinced.

AJ and Brian waited for two hours before a doctor came inside the waiting room.

‘Brian Littrell?’ the doctor said.

Brian got up immediately. ‘That’s me, sir.’

‘And I suppose you are the husband?’ the doctor said, turning to AJ.

AJ got up and nodded, ‘yes.’

‘Your name, sir?’

‘Alex McLean. Can I see my wife?’ AJ said impatiently.

The doctor was quiet for a while. ‘Could you sit down?’ he said to Brian and AJ. They both sat down.

‘Do you have any news about Kelly?’ Brian asked.

‘Mr. McLean and Mr. Littrell, I am sorry to tell you this but… Mrs. McLean might not make it. She’s in a coma and we have no idea how long it will take before she will get out of that coma. She might not be able to wake up from it ever again. If she will, she might be having a heavy memory loss.’

‘What? She… you mean, that if she will not wake up from the coma that… she will die?’ Brian said with disbelief.

The doctor nodded apologetically.

Brian turned his head to AJ, who was looking expressionless in the distance.

‘Alex, say something,’ Brian said, trying to hold back the tears.

‘It’s my fault. All my fault. I killed her,’ he said quietly.

‘Look, you couldn’t help it! And she didn’t pass away! There is still a chance she will wake up from her coma!’ Brian said, shaking AJ’s shoulder. He knew AJ could help it, but it would be kind of harsh to say AJ is right.

‘You are allowed to go into the room and see her,’ the doctor said. ‘Could you follow me?’

Brian helped AJ getting up and they followed the doctor into a room. Brian let him get in first but stayed close behind him.

Kelly was lying on a hospital bed. Her face was pale but bruised. She looked terrible.

AJ collapsed next to her bed and held her hand. ‘Oh God, Kelly! I’m so sorry, babe! I’m so sorry! I will never forgive myself for this! I’ve been so stupid! Please, Kelly. I’m sorry, I’m sorry! Come back! Wake up!’ he shouted.

Brian laid his hands on AJ’s shoulders. AJ couldn’t stop crying. His shoulders were shaking heavily.

‘Kelly, I love you, I love you so much. Wake up, please. Just wake up. I will make it up to you, I promise. I promise! I don’t wanna lose you!’ he sobbed.

After half an hour, Brain’s phone went of. ‘It’s Leighanne,’ he muttered to AJ and left him alone in the room. When he got into the hall he picked up. ‘Leigh?’ he answered.

‘Hi hon, where are you?’ Leighanne answered back.

‘At the hospital with Alex, I..’

‘The hospital?! Why? What happened? Is everything alright?’ she interrupted him.

‘I don’t know exactly what happened but I think my speculations are correct. Could you come here?’ Brian asked.

‘Oh no! I knew it! I told you this would happen! I am coming right away! But… what about Baylee? Is it ok to bring him here when he sees Alex like that?’ Leighanne asked worried.

‘No, probably not. Can’t you bring him to Howie and Leigh?’

‘They might want to come there as well,’ Leighanne sighed.
‘I don’t know if it’s allowed to have many visitors here. And besides… Kelly won’t be much of talking anyway,’ Brian muttered.

‘Not talking? Is she unconscious?’ Leighanne’s voice turned worried again.

‘I will tell you once you’re here. Look, I will ask the doctor if they have some sort of nursery here so we can leave Baylee there, and so one of us can check on him every once in a while, ok?’ Brian proposed.

‘He needs his rest,’ Leighanne doubted.

‘Well, he can’t stay alone there, now can he?’ Brian said, getting a tad impatient.

‘Oh what the heck! Me and Baylee are on our way! He is awake now anyway. Well, bye love you!’ Leighanne said.
‘Love you too,’ Brian smiled and hung up.

He sighed deep and walked back into the room where he saw AJ with his head on the bed next to Kelly’s arm, caressing her hand. He stopped crying though but you could see his cheeks were still wet.

Brian took a chair and put it next to AJ and sat down. ‘How are you feeling now?’ Brian asked.

AJ just shrugged and didn’t answer.

‘I called Leighanne. She and Baylee are on their way, they will be here soon,’ he said.

AJ once again didn’t answer.

Brian sighed again. ‘Do you want something to drink?’

AJ shook his head and continued caressing Kelly’s hand.

Brian got up and went out of the room. A few minutes later he came back with a plastic cup filled with coffee for himself.

Twenty minutes later Leighanne came rushing inside. ‘Where is she?’

‘Did you already take Baylee to the nursery?’ Brian asked.

‘Yes, he’s playing there,’ she answered. When she saw Kelly on the bed, she gasped loudly. ‘Oh God! What happened to her?’ Leighanne said with her hand in front of her mouth. She slowly walked over to the other side of her and sat down.

‘It’s my fault,’ AJ suddenly said.

Leighanne looked with a questioning look at him.

‘I nearly killed her,’ he whispered.

‘What did you do?’ Leighanne said cautiously.

‘It’s all my fault. I hit her, I kicked her. I hurt her,’ he said, his voice breaking down while one tear rolled down his cheek.

‘I knew this would happen someday!’ Leighanne cried out.

‘Leighanne, don’t make him feel any worse,’ Brian said sternly.

‘I knew Kelly wasn’t completely telling the truth yesterday! I just knew it!’ she muttered.

‘Yeah, but that won’t help Kelly anything!’ AJ suddenly shouted.

Leighanne and Brian both looked surprised at him.

He leant his head back on the bed and kept staring at Kelly’s unmoving hand.

‘Look, Leighanne, what if we go to Baylee so Alex can be alone?’ Brian said.

Leighanne nodded, still a bit speechless from AJ’s shouting, and followed Brian out of the room.

Two weeks later Kelly was still in coma. In that time Brian, Leighanne, Baylee, Howie, Leigh and Nick visited Kelly a couple of times, as well as they visited AJ often.

AJ stayed sad and quiet. He didn’t say much. He was nothing like himself. And everybody around him noticed it.

If the others didn’t help him, he wouldn’t drink and eat at all. He didn’t sleep much either.

Every single day he visited Kelly. Sometimes he stayed the night at the hospital, afraid that he would lose her once he wouldn’t be there.

Another month passed by and still nothing had changed.

The fear of losing his wife inside of AJ was growing and growing. There wasn’t much left of his hope. Still he didn’t want to believe that she would never be able to wake up.

She had to win over the coma. She had to win this. They could win this altogether. As long as everybody kept hoping and kept praying for her, then she would be ok.

Right?

One week later AJ was standing together with Brian in the hospital room where Kelly was still laying. The doctor had called AJ that he had news, but he didn’t tell whether it was good or bad news.

‘Mr. McLean, Mr. Littrell, thank you for coming,’ the doctor started.

AJ and Brian both nodded.

‘Please, sit down,’ the doctor said and gestured to two chairs. AJ and Brian did as the doctor said.

‘Now, the reason why I called you is to talk about Kelly, of course. She has been recovering from her injuries even though her liver has been damaged very badly,’ the doctor said.

Brian swallowed while looking nervously at the doctor. AJ just prayed in his mind that the doctor would come with good news now.

‘Even though it has been damaged, me and my colleagues still believe it can recover as well. To make sure she will recover completely, we decided it would be best to let her stay in the hospital for a month more. She has only been moved to another department.’

‘So, that means… she will survive?’ Brian said with a dry throat.

‘To give you the simple answer: yes. She will. She is very lucky, not many people survived injuries like she has. But I have some more good news.’ he said.

AJ and Brian moved forward on their chairs at the same time.

‘Kelly woke up last night from her coma. She is still a bit confused but she doesn’t have a heavy memory loss at all. She just doesn’t seem to remember how she got here, but the memories of that night can return soon enough. Once she will remember it, she can be really upset, she might be even panicking or hyperventilating.’

This time AJ swallowed. ‘When do you think the memories of that… night… will return?’

‘Memories like these can return in a couple of days, but it's mostly really unpredictable. We will keep an eye on her. If she’s asking for any of you, we will call you right away.’

I don’t think she will be asking for me when she remembers it, AJ thought sadly.

‘Anyway, you can visit her now. By the way, she was muttering your name all the time, Mr. McLean,’ the doctor said and looked at AJ.

‘Oh, really? Did she say anything more?’ AJ asked surprised.

‘Unfortunately not. She only muttered your name all the time. Now, if you don’t have any more questions, could you follow me?’ the doctor said as he gestured the two with him.

‘Alex? Did you hear the doctor? Kelly will be alright!’ Brian said while they were walking through the long hospital hall.

AJ shook his head as if he was waking up from a trance. ‘Huh?’

‘Never mind,’ Brian replied.

They followed the doctor to the other room Kelly had been moved to. While walking through the hall, AJ still couldn’t realize his wife wouldn’t die. She would live.

But he still felt the huge guilt building up inside of him. If he wouldn’t have been such an asshole, she wouldn’t have been here in the first place. It wouldn’t surprise him if Kelly wanted to divorce, though that thought made him cringe.

On one side he couldn’t wait to see Kelly, see her smile again, hear her voice. But on the other side, he didn’t dare to step inside. He didn’t think he could handle seeing her again, seeing her lying there, all because of him.

Come on, don’t be such a wimp, you have to be happy that she’s still alive, he thought sternly to himself.

‘Alex, do you want to go in first?’ Brian asked suddenly.

AJ didn’t realize they already arrived at her new room.

‘Oh, yeah, sure,’ he said insecure.

‘If you need anything, you can press the blue button next to Mrs. McLean’s bed,’ the doctor gave his final words, nodded one time to the men and then walked away.

‘Here we go,’ AJ sighed deeply before he pressed the door handle down and walked inside.

The room was bright and big, that was the first thing AJ noticed. It was a single room, so Kelly had enough space for herself. That's a good thing, he thought to himself.

‘Who’s there?’ they heard a hoarse voice whispering.

‘Kelly?’ AJ said, nearly shouting.

‘Alex?’ Kelly said, a little louder, with the same hoarse voice.

‘Oh God,’ he whispered when he saw a still pale-looking Kelly, looking straight at him with wet eyes.

Kelly spread her arms and AJ didn’t hesitate a moment to jump into her arms and hug her tight.

‘Shit, Kelly, I’m so sorry. I was so worried about you. I thought I would lose you and never see you again. I’m so happy, you have no idea how happy I am,’ AJ cried into her shoulder.

‘It’s ok, sweetheart. I’m alright, so no need to apologize anymore,’ she said while caressing his back.

After a few minutes AJ finally released Kelly and pressed a firm kiss on her forehead. ‘I love you,’ he said with his lips on her forehead.

‘I love you too, baby,’ she whispered back.

That one single line made AJ's heart flutter, he was afraid she wouldn't love him anymore.

Brian could barely keep himself from crying as he watched the couple. ‘Hey Brian,’ Kelly smiled once AJ sat down next to her.

‘Hi,’ Brian said, with a dry throat again, and smiled at her.

‘I knew Alex wouldn’t come alone,’ she grinned as she spread her arms for another hug. Brian hugged her immediately.

‘God bless you, Kelly. I am so happy. I…’ But he couldn’t finish his sentence ‘cause he was already crying.

‘Sshh, it’s ok, Bri. I’m really happy to see you,’ she smiled.

When he released her, he quickly wiped the tears from his cheeks and smiled at both Kelly and AJ.

That afternoon they talked for a long time. Kelly was curious if anything new happened in the time she was “gone”. AJ and Brian kept her up to date about everything that was going on.

‘However, nothing really special happened. We were all too worried about you. Everybody visited you almost every day. Alex was almost day and night with you,’ Brian said.

‘You were?’ Kelly asked and looked at her husband.

‘Of course, I was worried to death, although that’s not exactly the right expression in this situation,’ AJ said.

‘Well, it’s also not the wrong way. I mean, do I look dead?’ Kelly grinned.

Brian and AJ grinned as well, although AJ still felt a bit uncomfortable. The guilt kept creeping up on him. He wasn’t sure if he would tell how she got here. The doctor said she would remember it after a couple of days. But what should he say when she asks him to tell? Would it be wise to tell her? Or should he let her find out herself?

He didn’t know. He just hoped she wouldn’t ask about it.

After a couple of hours the doctor came in to say Kelly needed to rest.

‘Aw, shit. Now I will be bored as hell again,’ Kelly rolled her eyes.

AJ and Brian both grinned. Kelly started to be her own self again.

‘I’m sorry, but otherwise you’ll become too tired. You’re still not fully recovered,’ the doctor smiled.

‘I know, doctor. It’s alright. I can see them tomorrow again, right?’ she said while looking with a hopeful look in her eyes at the doctor.

‘Of course you can,’ the doctor replied with a short nod.

‘Brian, can you bring Leighanne and Baylee with you too? And can Howie and Leigh come with little James as well? And what about Nick and Lauren? I haven’t seen Lauren in ages!’ Kelly rambled on.

The others laughed. ‘They can come but not at the same day. Otherwise there will be too many visitors and excitement for one day. I’m sorry,’ the doctor said and looked apologetically at Kelly.

She pouted her bottom lip. ‘Alright. Brian, you have to come tomorrow with Leighanne and Baylee!’

Brian laughed. ‘I think they will both be delighted to come and see you.’

‘What about me?’ AJ smiled.

‘Honey, I don’t have to ask you to come. You always visit me!’ she smiled widely.

‘Ok, you have a point there.’

‘Well, we should be going then. It was really great to see you and speak to you again, Kelly,’ Brian said and hugged her tight. ‘I will be coming back tomorrow with Leighanne and Baylee.’

‘Tell Howie and Leigh to come too! With James of course!’ Kelly said.

The doctor looked sternly at Kelly. ‘Aw come on! Only them!’ she exclaimed.

‘Alright, alright. For only this time!’ the doctor smiled and shook his head.

‘See you tomorrow, babe,’ AJ smiled and hugged her tight.

Before he left, he softly kissed her on the mouth. ‘That’s a promise,’ he added and left the room together with Brian. When he was outside of the hospital and back in his car, he silently prayed a Thank You Lord before driving back home with Brian seated just as relieved next to him.

Back in the hospital, Kelly closed her eyes and smiled satisfied before she fell in a sleep that would be everything but peaceful.

She opened her eyes and saw she was in her own bedroom.

How? She didn’t remember she went home again. And didn’t she has to stay another month in hospital? It’s not like time could pass by that fast.

She sat right up and scratched her head. She didn’t understand anything of it. Maybe AJ would be downstairs. She would ask him how she got here.

She slowly got out of bed but cringed when she felt a nasty pain shooting through her arm. She looked at her arm and saw a massive bruise on her elbow. ‘Holy crap,’ she whispered while inspecting the blue swollen spot. How and when did that happen?

When she got up she felt pain in her left leg. She quickly sat down on the bed and looked at her leg. It was swollen as well.

‘What the…’

She carefully got up again and walked with a limp downstairs.

‘Alex?’ she shouted through the hall.

No response.

Where the hell was that guy? She hopped to the living room and saw him sitting on the couch, watching tv. But the tv was off.

Suddenly an awful smell surrounded her. What was it? She put up a gross face and covered her nose with her hand.

It smelled like… like…

Then it struck her.

Alcohol.

Suddenly AJ stood in front of her, staring at her with empty eyes.

‘Honey?’ she whispered. She looked down and saw he was holding a bottle of beer.

He muttered something she couldn’t hear.

‘Sorry?’ she said.

Then she saw he rose his hand, approaching her fast.

‘NO!’ she yelled.

‘Kelly! Kelly! Sweetheart, wake up!’

‘No! Leave me alone!’

She opened her eyes and saw she was back in hospital. She was sweating all over and was panting heavily.

‘Honey, are you ok?’ AJ said next to her.

She turned her head quickly and screamed when she saw him.

‘You! Don’t hurt me! Leave me alone! Help! Somebody help me!’ she yelled in hysterics.

‘Calm down, Kelly. I won’t hurt you!’ he said and tried to keep her quiet.

‘No! Don’t touch me! Doctor! Someone!’ she yelled with tears and moved wildly on the bed.

Soon she couldn’t breathe normally. She was hyperventilating.

Then AJ knew what was going on with her. She probably had a dream about “that night”.

‘Oh, fuck,’ he whispered and ran out of the room while his wife was still in hysterics.

He ran through the hall and stopped at the first doctor he saw. It was a woman.

‘Doctor! Please, come! My wife! She is hyperventilating! She’s in hysterics!’ he shouted.

‘Calm down, sir. At which department is she?’ the woman asked.

‘What the fuck does that matter! I don’t even remember! Just follow me already!’ he said and pulled her with him.

The doctor sighed and ran after him. They came back in the room and Kelly was still hyperventilating.

‘Please, help her,’ he said in panic.

The doctor walked to a closet, got out a plastic bag and gave it to her. ‘Breathe in this. Calm down, just calm down,’ she said and kept repeating it to Kelly.

Slowly on Kelly started to calm down again. Her head was all red and sweaty. AJ stood frightened against the wall, staring at his wife. She probably had a nightmare and woke up because of that.

‘I’ll be right back,’ the doctor said and got out of the room.

AJ didn’t dare to move a finger. He was so afraid Kelly would go hysterical again.

She sat on her bed and just stared with an empty glance in front of her.

Later their own doctor came back inside. ‘Hello Mr. McLean. What happened?’ he asked.

‘She was sleeping. Then she woke up, yelling things like “leave me alone” and such. I guess she had a nightmare about that night,’ AJ said as quiet as he could.

‘Oh dear. She is starting to remember it,’ the doctor said and immediately stepped up to Kelly.

‘Did she do or say anything else?’ the doctor said while filling in a form.

‘Ehm, yes. When she saw me, she totally freaked out. She said things like “don’t hurt me” and she was calling for help, but I didn’t do anything!’

‘I know you didn’t do anything. She probably dreamed about you, that’s why. Then she hyperventilated?’

‘Yes. It was so scary,’ AJ said and felt a chill running down his spine when the image of a hyperventilating Kelly flashed through his mind.

‘I see,’ the doctor muttered while making a few notes. ‘We have to keep an extra eye on her. It’s very possible that she will remember more and more. I don’t know what she dreamed about, but it can’t be that she remembered everything already from that night. Mr. McLean?’

‘Yes?’

‘I’m very sorry to say this but… I’m afraid you can’t visit her that often anymore. We can’t take the risk that she will react like this again, maybe next time she will react even worse. And in her condition it’s not good for her to be in panic. I’m asking you to go home and let your wife rest. I will call you once we think she is ready to see you again.’

‘You mean, I can’t see her anymore?’ AJ said astonished.

‘Just not for a while. I’m very sorry, Mr. McLean,’ the doctor said.

AJ took a deep breath to control his anger. ‘Fine, asshole,’ he muttered and rushed out of the door.

Kelly didn’t hear anything of the conversation between AJ and the doctor. Her mind was just a complete blank.

The nightmare looked so damn real.

At first she thought she was still standing in their living room until she woke up in one snap and saw AJ sitting in front of her.

The image of him going to hit her flashed through her mind immediately and that made her freak out completely.

Now she was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling with eyes wide open. She was too scared to fall asleep and have the same nightmare again. Maybe the nightmare would continue. She didn’t want to know how. Maybe she would be having other nightmares, worse than the previous one.

She also didn’t know why she was dreaming like this about AJ. Why was he so violent in that dream?

She had been thinking about it all the time since she had the dream. When she saw the angry face of AJ in front of her again she cringed in the hospital bed.

No, he couldn’t be that way in reality. They were happily married for God’s sake! Happily, right?

She would be seeing Leighanne and her family again. Just like Leigh and her family.

Exactly, would.

But the doctor said none of that would be possible now. Not now she started having nightmares and possibly be freaking out when waking up.

But what’s the big deal of having nightmares? Every person has nightmares and still they can see their family and friends after it. Besides, it wasn’t like she was the only one who freaked out after having a nightmare. Many people do!

Why was she abandoned from all her loved ones?

With that wondering, she suddenly felt the loneliness burning inside. And when she realized she felt lonely, tears sprung in her eyes.

She hated feeling lonely. She had always quite been the social person. The one who needed to have people around her all the time. Besides, she had to talk to someone now.

And where was AJ? Why wasn’t he sitting beside her now?
Apparently she didn’t notice she had been yelling to AJ and neither had she noticed she had scared the shit out of him. In fact, she couldn’t remember she freaked out at all.

The only thing she remembered was the dream. The awful nightmare.

She sat right up with her knees bent and rested her arms and head on them. She was well sick of this hospital. She wanted to go home. She felt fine except for the fact that she was scared and lonely.

But if she would get company who would give her the answers to all her questions, all of that would be over.

The doctor was just an asshole. Simple as that.

She sighed and lifted her head up and looked beside her when something on the ground caught her eye.

She was too curious to leave the object there. Maybe it was AJ’s and he lost it?

She quietly crawled out of bed and tried to bent forward.

She cringed once more but this time it was because of the bruises. Even though some of them started to fade away, others were too stubborn to go away yet.

She forgot the pain when she saw the object on the ground. She bent forward, ignoring the pain, and picked it up.

It was a small blue notebook.

She quickly but quietly crawled back into the hospital bed again and opened the book.

This is diary belongs to Alex “Loser” McLean.

She frowned. Loser?

Dear diary,

I don’t know how often I will write in here but I do know that I have to write. I have to write everything down. All of the things that are happening now. But first let me introduce myself.

I am an asshole. A jerk. A moron. I’m a piece of shit.
There, now you know who I am. Not like I am talking to an actual person here but what the hell.

I am all of these things because I am a fucked up husband. No, seriously. I make all kinds of promises to my wife such as “I’ll be home early today” or “I won’t be going to the pub”. Or I promise her to take her out to a romantic dinner and at the end make love to her all through the night. I keep breaking them. I haven’t been home early since weeks. I have been going to the pub almost every night since a couple of months ago. The last time we had a romantic dinner and made love afterwards in our bedroom was… Shit, I don’t even remember.

When I first met Kelly I felt this connection between us immediately. I was completely sure we were meant to meet each other. And sooner or later I fell in love with her. Deep. We dated a few times and we seemed really alike. We loved the same kind of music. We both were crazy about tattoos. We both loved people around us, we were both talkative. So imagine how long our dates must have been.

I should be grinning when I write all this. Instead I feel sad, broken, whatever you want to call it.

We haven’t been much of talking a lot lately. I can see it’s bothering her. But I feel so guilty for breaking all of those promises. For not being there for her.

Anyway, we grew closer to eachother. I still remember our first kiss. It was definitely different than all the other kisses I had from other girls. This might sound really mushy and cliché but it felt as if this spark of electricity rushed through our bodies as we kissed. At that very moment I realized she was the one.

Not mentioning the first time we made love. Again, this sounds cliché, but it was pure magic. It was the best night ever. I still remember this very well. I can play the memories in my head like a movie.

Our relationship was beyond perfect. Four months later we decided to look for a nice house and live together. Build up our own life. We wanted to take it easy at first but finally we couldn’t wait no longer. We were heavily in love and we wanted to be together as much as possible.

The house we bought was perfect. It was located in New York, one of both our favorite cities.

I remember us strolling through the shops and stores, looking for new furniture and deciding on colors for the walls and deciding the material and color of the floors of each room. I remember doing the groceries together. I remember sleeping for the first time in our own bedroom, our own bed. I remember cooking together in our brand new kitchen. Watching tv together in our brand new living room. (Not forgetting to mention the tv was a big ass one.)

One year later I proposed to her, on Valentine’s Day. She didn’t hesitate one second to say yes. We couldn’t wait to plan a date and we decided to have the wedding 2 months after the proposal. We loved planning out the whole wedding with help of our friends and family. Everything seemed so perfect.

You could say we were a match made in heaven.

Five years of unbelievable happiness passed by until Friday 13 February 2009. Yep, Friday the god damn 13th. One day before Valentine’s Day, a day we would be looking forward to each year since we were together. Also because it would’ve been 5 years since I proposed to her.

The guys, Nick, Howie and Brian that is, asked me to go to a local pub. It is our tradition to go to the pub each night before Valentine’s Day. It’s a joke between the four of us.

Each year it went fine. We laughed, we mocked eachother, we drank some and we had fun.

That night we laughed as well, we mocked eachother as usually, we had fun of course… and we drank. The others drank some. I drank, and I drank, and I drank… and I drank… and I drank.

Soon I was more than drunk. Does that even exist?

At least I couldn’t stand on either of my two feet. Brian and Nick had to keep me up otherwise I’d fall right on my face.

Anyway, that night Brian and Nick dropped me off at my house. After Brian opened up the door for me and sat me down on the couch, they thought I’d be okay and took off.

Kelly came downstairs with sleepy eyes to see what all the noise was. When she saw me, she smiled and said she had missed me. She sat next to me and wanted to hug me. As the drunken dipshit that I was, I ignored her and pushed her away. ‘Oh, I see you have had a little too much,’ she said as she giggled. She didn’t seem to be shocked, scared or angry at me at all. She had seen me drunk before, you know.

I just ignored her again and tried to get up. Instead I fell right into her arms. She thought I had fallen asleep or passed out so she wanted to drag me upstairs.

Then I suddenly smacked her face. I smacked her pretty angel face. All of a sudden. Without a reason.

I couldn’t control it. It was as if somebody took control over my body and I was locked up inside and had to watch what my body was doing to my wife.

I called her bad names after which I strolled upstairs and flopped down on my bed like nothing had happened. Back then I didn’t know Kelly had been crying. Never had I ever hit her. She was shocked.

And she did confronted me with that issue the next morning. I apologized a thousand times but she was still kinda pissed. Because I’ve been so stupid, I ruined our whole Valentine’s Day.

From then more nights followed where I came home drunk. The first two months I didn’t hit her. Brian and Nick took me all the way upstairs those times because Kelly had told them what happened that night before Valentine’s Day.

Of course, I had to stop drinking. But I was stubborn, work wasn’t going very smooth so I was stressed. I needed to take the stress away, even if it was just for a while. Even if it gave me an immense hangover the next morning…

Ok, my hand is fucking falling off soon if I don’t quit writing now.

I will write some more tomorrow. If I feel like doing so at least…

Asshole Alex.

Kelly just stared at the page she just read. While reading it she remembered that night. Friday 13 February. The night before Valentine’s Day.

She didn’t mind AJ going with the guys to the pub. They did that each year, and it went fine. She would be having a girls’ night out instead. She didn’t expect AJ to be home earlier than her and she had expected he would be coming home drunk someday. He had been tipsy a couple of times.

But being drunk isn’t that bad. At least, that’s was she thought.

She never thought AJ would be capable of this. That he would be capable of smacking her.

When did he write this anyway? He didn’t write a date on the top of the page. It couldn’t be that long ago.

When she wanted to turn the page to see if he had written more, there was a knock on the door.

‘Dinner time! Are you hungry?’ a nurse chirped in with a tray of hospital food.

Except for missing AJ, I also miss MY HUSBAND’S COOKING SKILLS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

I hate hospital food. I always pretended to be excited about eating this shit. But in fact, it made me wanna puke in the toilet after I forced myself to push the fork in my god damn mouth. If I didn’t eat it, I would be starving the whole fucking night. I’m already feeling horrible enough to also starve and crave for fucking Mac D’s.

I thanked the nurse after taking the tray from her hands. She asked if I wished for anything else.

Yeah, fucking eatable food. But I kept that thought to myself.

I told her I didn’t need anything else, that the food was all.

To my relieve, she went out quickly to bring other patients the puke-food and let them suffer from the horrible taste and the gross feeling on their tongues.

I put the tray on the bedside table and quickly got the notebook from under the pillow, where I had quickly put it when the nurse came chiming in.

I went to the page I was before, and saw he wrote another entry. I was really anxious to know for the continuation, so I quickly started to read it.