I set my keys on the counter. I couldn’t wait to tell Nick about my new job. I hope that he would be happy and supportive of me.

I walked into the living room, but he wasn’t there. I decided to check the studio for some reason I thought he would be there. I quickly knocked on the door.

“Enter.”

I slowly walked in. Nick was busy playing around. I didn’t know what he was doing, since I knew nothing about the music industry.

“Hey Nick. How was your day?”  I leaned against the wall.

“It was okay. Brian got sick, so we cancelled our recording. I came home and have been working on a song. How was your day?”

“It was good. I got offered a job.” I smiled.

“That’s great. What kind of job?”

“Stripper.” I said pokerfaced.

“WHAT? You can be fucking serious.” Nick was freaked by my answer, which made me bust out laughing.

“I’m kidding.”

“You’re such a bitch.” He grabbed my arm and pulled me on his lap.

“You know you love it. Seriously, I’m going to be working at Tabu.” His eyes grew large.

“Doing what?”

“Pretty much I’m going to be Howie’s assistant. So I’ll be doing his job when he can’t be there.”

“How did this come about?” He questioned.

“I ran into Howie when I was having lunch. We started talking and he offered me the job.”

“That’s great Emma. I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks Nick. That means a lot to me.”

“Baby, I just want to see you happy. We need to talk. Why don’t you go get into something more comfortable? I’ll meet you in the living room in about ten minutes. I need to finish up down here.”

“Okay.” I gave him a peck on the cheek and got off his lap.

------------------------------------------

I waited in the living room for Nick. I was sitting on the couch in my pajamas flipping through the channels. Nick was taking his good old time. Twenty minutes had passed and he still hadn’t come up from his studio. I was getting restless.

Nick walked in the room and shut the television off. He sat next to me on the couch. We both sat so we could face each other. This was the moment I was dreading. I didn’t want to talk about that night. I realized our relationship wouldn’t grow if we didn’t talk. I felt stupid and immature.

“What happened the other night?”

“Umm...I wanted to make love to you. I was ready to be with you, but I froze.”

“Em, I’m not going to hurt you.” He said gently. I knew he wasn’t going to hurt me, but every time we got close I freaked out.

“I know that Nick. It really doesn’t have anything to do with you.”

“I’m not buying that Emma. I know you’re a virgin. It doesn’t bother me, but you can’t keep using that as an excuse. You’re not a teenager anymore.”

“I know that Nick. I can’t help it that I can’t give you the one thing you want. I love you a lot. The thought of making love to you is always on my mind.” I paused to compose myself. “I can’t help it if I freaked out. I know it’s irrational. Hell, I’m embarrassed. I’m thirty two years old and I can’t make love to my boyfriend.”

“How are we going to get over this? I love you and I don’t like seeing you upset over this. I love you and want to show you how much.” He moved closer to me.

“I don’t know Nick. It upsets me that I can’t please you. Then you get mad at me. I know you want and need sex. It makes me feel bad that I can’t give you what you want.”

“Have you ever thought of going to a therapist or something?” Nick asked.

“I have, but I always felt weird about it. I guess I am just embarrassed to talk about it to anyone.” I sighed.

“Baby, there’s nothing wrong with talking to someone. You can’t go your whole life without having sex.” He said lightly.

“I know.” I scooted closer to Nick and he pulled me into his arms. “You hurt my feelings when you called me a cock tease.  I wasn’t trying to tease you.”

“Emma, I was just pissed. I was in the mood and you just stopped. I got mad at you. It wasn’t my finest moment. I’m sorry.”

“I forgive you. I’m sorry.” I looked into his deep blue eyes. They were filled with so much love. “I thought you were going to break up with me. I’ve never seen you that mad.”

“I wouldn’t break up with you. In the past, I would have dumped a girl in a heartbeat that wouldn’t have sex with me. I’ve grown up and matured.”

“Nick sometimes I think we are so different and that’s why things don’t always work for us. You have so much experience when it comes to sex, and I have none.  What if I’m no good at sex?”

“Emmers, that is not possible. Your kisses turn me on. You’ve done a lot of sexual things with me. It doesn’t bother you giving me blow jobs, so eventually it won’t bother you making love to me. I guess I just need to learn to take things slow. It’s just hard to get used to that, when most girls want to fuck me five minutes into a date.”

“I forgot you are the sexy Nick Carter.” I teased, but grew serious again. “I don’t want this to be the major issue of our relationship. We have so much going for us that I worry about this.”

“Do you see me leaving? I shook my head. “I love you, and we will get over this. Someday we will laugh about this.”

Nick took my face in his hands and pulled it to his. He placed gentle kisses all over my face and then my lips.

All was forgiven for now. I hoped that Nick would continue to love me and my faults. He made me feel so loved.