It had been a few days since I saw Howie and  we slept together. I was nervous about seeing him again. For one, I didn’t know if he even wanted me working at the club. Second, maybe I was just an easy lay for him. I couldn’t get him out of my mind. He built up a desire in me that I wanted to feel again.

After Nick and I had sex the other night, I was feeling like a whore. He wouldn’t even talk to me. I knew that he was upset, but what he did was uncalled for.  I was furious with the way he treated me. I felt dirty and used. I loved Nick a lot, but right now I didn’t like him.

I walked into the office wishing that Howie wouldn’t be there yet, but at the same time I wish he would be there. I hated being so wishy washy. It wasn’t like me to be that way. I was always in control of my feelings and emotions. Now I was a basket case.

“No problem. I’ll see you shortly.” Howie hung up the phone. “Good morning Emma.”

“Hey Howie.” I whispered. I didn’t know what to say to him.

“How are things with Nick?” He stood up and walked over to me.

“Not good.”

Howie pulled me into his arms. I liked the way he held me close to him. My brain was getting fuzzy at the smell of his cologne. He rubbed the small of my back, and I started to relax.

“Is he being a jerk?”

“Yes. He won’t talk to me.” I looked up at him. His lips brushed mine. It wasn’t a kiss of passion; it was more like a kiss telling me everything was going to be okay. Being in Howie’s arms I felt safe.

“I’m sorry Emma. I didn’t…hell I don’t know what to say.” He smiled at me. I had never seen Howie so flustered. “I don’t want you mad at me.”

“Why would I be mad at you?”

“I feel like all of this is my fault. It hurts me to see Nick treating you this way.”

“Howie, stop blaming yourself. It’s just as much my fault, and Nick isn’t entirely innocent.” I was getting frustrated. Nothing was going as planned in my life. This whole situation was a mess I didn’t know how to fix. “There’s more to the situation. What happened at rehearsal the other day?”

“Nick was pissed and punched me. I deserved it. The rest of the guys know.” He answered quietly. He took a seat on the couch. I sat next to him.

“AJ and Kevin already hate me, so they are probably enjoying this. I’m sure Brian was disgusted by the type of woman I am. Maybe I should go back to L.A.”

“Who cares what anyone else thinks. They don’t know everything. You need to make yourself happy.” Howie caressed by hand. His touch gave me shivers.

“If I make myself happy, no one else would be. There’s no way it would work.” How could I be in love with two guys? I wanted to be with Nick and Howie. It would never work. Deep down I knew I would have to choose one over the other. At this point I couldn’t.

“What would make you happy?” He asked thoughtfully. I looked at him for a moment before I answered.

“I want to be with both of you. I love Nick, but I love you, too.” I answered honestly. Tears were threatening to spill from my eyes. I was going to remain strong and not cry.

“Why can’t you be with both of us?” I stared at Howie. Who was he kidding? He stared back at me. The desire in his eyes was too much.

“I don’t think Nick would share. After a while I don’t think you would share. I would be a slut.”

“Emma, don’t ever use that word to describe yourself.” He raised his voice. “You are not a slut. Maybe you should break up with Nick. Then you can date both of us and decide who you truly want.”

“So you wouldn’t be mad if I had sex with Nick?” I questioned Howie. I wasn’t sure of his idea.

“I wouldn’t be thrilled, but I know that is a problem between you.”

“Umm, not so much.”

“What does that mean?” Howie looked confused. If he wanted the truth, I was going to give it to him.

“When Nick came home from rehearsal the other night. We sort of talked and it led to sex. He was able to you know.”

“So he finally got you off. I should go congratulate him.” Howie commented bitterly.

“Howie, you sound jealous.” I stood up and went to the mini fridge. My throat was dry and I needed some water.

“Why would I be jealous?” He was right behind me. Howie placed his body against mine. I could feel his erection and his lips moving up my neck. What was he trying to pull?

“You tell me.” I barely got the words out. His tongue was doing things to me that rendered me speechless.

Slowly he turned around to face me. His hands moved to my breasts. He gently thumbed my nipples through my thin cotton shirt. I placed my lips on him. Time stood still as we continued to make out in the office. We didn’t care if the staff was working ten feet away from us. All we wanted was each other.

“Excuse me.” A female voice appeared out of no where. Slowly we broke apart and saw Leighanne Littrell standing inside the office.

“Hello, Leighanne. What brings you here?” Howie said politely, even though he was annoyed at being interrupted.

“Hello, Howard. I need to have a conversation with Emma.” Leighanne gave him a look of disappointment.

“That is fine. Emma take a couple of hours and have lunch with Leighanne.”

“Are you sure? I just started working.”

“It’s fine. Take all the time you want. I’ll leave you a list of what needs done. I have recording later this afternoon. Enjoy your time with Leighanne.” He smiled at me as he shooed us away. Leighanne rolled her eyes and pushed me out the door. I could tell she wasn’t please with what was going on. It pissed me off because she wasn’t even my friend.  This was not going to be a lunch I would enjoy.