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Chapter Thirty Eight - We'll Figure it Out

"In time, you won't even think about the prosthesis when you walk. It will become an extension of you. Modern science has made dramatic improvements in the last couple decades in regards to these devices. They look real and mobility is top notch. You can even paint your toenails--"

"And wear flip-flops?" I asked.

The doctor turned and smiled at me before swiveling back to Rosie. He nodded. "Even wear flip- flops."

Rosie met my gaze. She smiled, but not in a way that reached her eyes. I hunched forward in my chair and looked towards the window where Joshua stood. His gaze was focused outside; his arms were crossed tightly over his chest. He had broken down in tears as the helicopter had left Honolulu, tears that had dragged him even farther into his own world of darkness. The bright skies of California did nothing for him. I leaned over and tapped on his elbow, but he didn't turn.

"So are we ready?" the doctor asked. I stood up and took a few steps towards the head of the bed. Rosie glanced down at her knee, slightly bruised, and at the prosthesis lying right beside. I took her hand.

"Ready as I'll ever be," she said quietly.

I was an attentive student and hung on to every word the doctor said. The attachment looked simple, but I could tell by the pained look that spread across Rosie's face that the sensitive skin wasn't prepared for the invasion as the doctor's steady hand worked.

"You'll experience some discomfort and pain. That's why you'll be staying here and working with our wonderful UCLA rehab team to strengthen everything up so you can go home with Nick."

"The painters are working on the bedroom as we speak," I said. She winced again as the doctor moved the prosthesis and ran his hand up towards her knee. "It's that really pretty shade of blue that you said matches--"

"STOP! STOP!"

Rosie's nails dug into the fatty part of my palm. She scooted back, dragging herself away from the doctor.

"There's going to be some pain," the doctor said calmly. "But--"

"I'm done with pain," Rosie spat. "My whole life's been pain. I'm done. Go to hell."

Those fourteen words were more than she had spoken to a doctor or nurse since we had gotten into California. Her eyes burned with hatred, frustration, and a heavy dose of other emotions that I couldn't separate from each other. A large tear fell from her eyes; she swatted it away roughly.

"Okay," the doctor conceded. "I'm going to step out. I think for today we'll just leave the prosthetic on and then tomorrow maybe try something more." He gave me a look. "Can I speak with you for a minute?"

I knew this part well. This was the time where they brought the loved one out in the hall to scare them to death about the necessity of the situation. I felt my jaw tense.

"Maybe later," I said.

I don't think he was expecting my answer. His mouth dropped open, but when he realized I wasn't budging, he gave a slight nod. I sat down on the bed and watched him make his exit.

"Bastard," Rosie whispered under her breath. She tugged her hand from mine.

"Babe," I began. "I--"

"I'm not your babe."

Ouch. The words stung like a thousand angry bees. Even Joshua turned from the window to stare at us.

"I want you to be," I said quietly.

Rosie's face contorted. "What about...her?"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you," I warned. The cryptic tone drew her eyes towards mine.

"Try me."

"You both came to me. That night. Right before I woke up and heard about the quake."

"I came to you?"

I swallowed hard. "You disappeared. Like a ghost. But Lauren stayed. She told me I need to go to you. She let me know that I had the right to love again. And she knew it was you." I took her hand in mine; she didn't pull back. "It's been you since that morning in the diner, Rosie."

Rosie's eyes filled with tears. She looked down at the sheet draped across her waist and let out a shuddery wisp of a breath.

"I think I died for a short time," she said softly. "I saw my mom. She told me I had to be brave and that you were coming. The thought of seeing you again even though I wanted the pain to stop...I think it kept me here."

I leaned over and nestled my face against her neck. Her arms wrapped around me and we held each other tightly.

"If you would have given up, I don't know what I would have done," I murmured. Her fingertips brushed the hair at the nape of my neck.

"Would you have swam naked with sharks?" she murmured. I laughed softly.

"I was serious that night, y'know."

"I know."

A big web of silence stretched over us. I think I would have fallen asleep next to her if Joshua hadn't sat down noisily in my unoccupied chair. Rosie looked at him; they seemed to have an unspoken conversation. Joshua finally broke the rising tension.

"I want to go home," he finally said stubbornly.

"Right now, this is home," she said gently.

"What about mom?"

"We'll figure it out."

"She needs a funeral. Tito does too."

"They'll both get one," she assured him. She struggled to sit up. I helped her, sliding off the bed.

"What you need to do right now," she added. "is go home with Nick."

"And leave you?"

Rosie gave me a sidelong gaze.

"I need some alone time anyhow."

"I have a few things to sort out."