“Can you please tell me again why we have to go there?” I whined from the back seat of the car. Kevin looked at me with the rearview mirror. “Don’t give me that look, I just want to know why?”

“Nick, I told you this, like, four times already.”

“Six. You told him six times already.” remarked Howie. I rolled my eyes, if it weren’t for the fact that Howie was nice and very likeable, I probably would have hit him.

“Thank you. Six times already. Its been six years since I’ve gotten a chance to see my aunt and uncle and I felt like visiting them, plus I was only able to talk Lou into letting us get this out the way for our vacation time, so deal with it.” Deal with it? Deal with it his say, why should I deal with it? There not my relatives, so way should I care? “But Kevin, it isn’t fair that, me, Howie, and AJ….”

“You mean, Howie, AJ, and I.” said Howie. Okay, I was two seconds from creaming him in the back of the head with something, what it is, I’m not sure, it may just be my own sneaker, or maybe AJ’ s, doesn’t really matter at this point. “Whatever, why do we have to go, there your relatives.”

“Nick, let it go, for the love of all that is great in the world, let. It. Go.” That would be AJ, he always wants me to keep quick, but I’ll do that when pigs learn how to drive. So I just totally ignored him and continue at annoying… I mean asking Kevin question.

“Kevin, can’t you take us back home and you and Brian go and visited them instead?”

“I have a better idea, why didn’t you just go Kevin, and let the rest of us go back to Orlando?” asked Brian. When he found out that we were going to visited Kevin’s aunt and uncle, he was far from happy. I asked him once, why he didn’t like them, he told me its not that he didn’t like them, its just that he didn’t know them that well. “Your not still mad about Aunt Rose always forgetting your name are you?”

“She kept calling me Carol, how the hell do you get Carol from Brian?” By the way Brian goes on about Kevin’s aunt and uncle, they sound kind of, well, they sound weird. As Brian went on about how much he hates Kevin’s aunt and uncle, I took the chance to get a good look at our surroundings. Swamp, swamp and you guessed it, more swamp! I don’t really have to describe to you what a swamp looks like, because, well you’ve seen pictures, if not, think about a place filled with murky water, mud everywhere, bugs, alligators and the smell of a unclean bathroom. Yep, couldn’t get better then this, could it not folks?

“Okay, Brian we get it, you can’t stand Kevin’s aunt and uncle. Enough already, please.” thank you very much AJ. I was hoping someone would tell him to shut up. “I should have packed more bug spray.” Howie said out loud. I looked over at him to see that he was checking in his bag, almost everything was out. Shirts, pants, some underwear, those I didn’t need to see. “Howie, we’re almost there, put those things back in your bag.” said Kevin. Howie started shoving his things back in his bag. “Do you think there are any stores near by?” “Howie look around you, do you see any other signs of people anywhere?” that was AJ, if you haven’t already guessed it.

I sat back with my head resting against the car seat, I looked over at Brian and he seem as bore as I was. “Why would Kevin’s relative live all the way out here? In Louisiana of all places.”

“I’m not really sure, I only got to meet them once.”

What? Okay, that’s weird, by the way Brian was acting you would think that he would visit all the time. I guess by the look I was giving him, he could tell I was confused. “I meet them at a family cook out, when I was ten, they were so weird. Kevin’s aunt kept talking about only baking and his uncle was showing us animals that he had killed and turned in to taxidermies and he was talking about being in the war, Aunt Rose accidentally blew up their kitchen and Uncle Bucky tried to show the kids how to make taxidermies, yeah after that they were never asked back.”

Okay, remember when I said they were weird? They just went up the list of wacko.

“Alright guys, were here, now before we head out in, I need for you guys here and listen now, my Aunt Rose and Uncle Bucky….”

“Uncle Bucky? What kind of name is that?” laughed AJ. He just had great timing, doesn’t he?

“His name, now shut the hell up and listen. Anyway, my Aunt Rose is obsessed with cooking and baking, her baking is great, her cooking is a total bag of shit. She burns everything that he tries to cook, but baking she’s really good at. She likes to knit, most of the sweaters or either too big or too small. And she has a tendency to pitch cheeks and give lots of hug. And she kind of smells like, eggs, flour and swamp. My Uncle, well, he’s just nuts, he will talk about being in the war when he never was in one, he thinks he was abducted by aliens, he use to be a hippy and he makes taxidermies, they’ll be all over the house. So okay I think that covers it, let’s go.”

We all piled out of the car and stood in front of the large house. It wasn’t what I was expecting, it was huge, not like white house huge, but really big, it could house at least twenty people, or more. It was actually nice looking, the only nice looking thing in this whole place. It was three stories high. Built of dark gray stone. A turret rose up on the right side. On the left, a sliver of white smoke curled from a blackened chimney.

“Man, Kev, you didn’t tell us your aunt and uncle were rich.” said AJ. “There not, my uncle said he build the thing, I don’t really believe that though.”

“Aren’t swap homes suppose to be smaller and on slits?” asked Howie. All I could say is, how the hell am I suppose to know, I’m not an specialist on swamp homes. I would have said that, but Howie may seem nice and sweet, but really he can be really nasty if he wanted to. “If that’s weird, check out the windows.” said AJ. “What are they? Vampires?” I took a look at the windows. They were tiny, and I could see only three of them, three tiny windows in the entire house. One on each floor. Maybe they are vampires, that kind of would explain Kevin’s look, I mean how many guys do you see with jet black hair, evil looking green eyes, tall as hell, and pale skin. “Don’t lag behind Nick.” said Kevin. Who actually uses the word ‘lag’ anymore? I mean really now. “Coming!”

As I was walking behind the guys, I stopped dead in my tracks when I heard a loud howl, a mournful howl, a very sad angry howl, somewhere deep, deep, deep in the swamp. I know the others heard it because they all looked in the direction that it had come from. “Um, what the hell was that?” AJ asked. “It was just a owl.” said Kevin.

An owl? Was he serious, did he actually think that was going to fly. “An owl? Kevin are you high or something? That was not an owl, that was something else, what it was, I’m not sure, but I know it ain’t an owl.” said AJ.

“Shut it AJ.” at least someone said it.

We finally made it to the front door. Which by the way needed to be dusted off, big time. Kevin knocked loud on the door, which after two knocks open to reveal a very tall woman, almost Kevin’s height. She wore big glasses and her hair was black with gray in it. She kind of looked like she just stepped out of a seventies movie or something. She had on a long flower dress, that was cover in white stuff, I think it may have been flour. Huh, she doesn’t have any shoes on. Okay, getting off topic here, anyway, she kept pushing up these huge glasses that were way to big for her face, they made her look bug eyed, it was kind of freaky. “Kevin? Is that you? Oh let Aunty Rose get a good look at you.” Okay now this was funny, instead of going to Kevin, she went straight to Howie. She cupped his face in her hands and started making cooing noises. Why? I’m not sure.

“Oh Kevin look how handsome you’ve gotten, but my, you’ve haven’t grown that much have you now. Bucky, get out here!”

Then out came who I guess was Uncle Bucky. He wasn’t as tall as his wife, actually he was the totally opposite. He was short and stocky, he had blond hair that he had in a messy pony tail. He had a navy blue bandana, that hung around his neck, and was wearing dirty overalls. Thanks goodness for us he had a white, or is it gray or yellow? Maybe a peach. Tan? Anyway lucky for us he had on a t-shirt.

“Doesn’t he look small.” said Aunt Rose. Howie looked over at us. We pretty much weren’t any help because, Brian and AJ were cracking up, Kevin wasn’t shaking his head in disbelief and me, well I was just seating back watching all this unfold. I kind of wish I had popcorn or something.

“Well, Rose there’s a reason why he looks so short.” said Uncle Bucky in a deep gruffly voice.

“There is?”

“Yep, that ain’t Kevin. That boy over there is Kevin, that’s just a little Hispanic kid.”

She looked over at Kevin, then back at Howie and then back Kevin, she moved away from Howie and grabbed Kevin in a big hug. That would have been great, if she hadn’t grabbed AJ instead. “Woman, are you special or something? Look,” he grabbed her and made her face Kevin. “That’s Kevin, our nephew! That kid just weird looking.” “Hey!” Okay, I’ll admit, I laughed on that one, that was too funny.

“Oh! Kevin! Look at you, you’ve gotten so handsome looking, hasn’t he, Bucky?”

“Yep, looks good. I bet you have to beat the girls off you with a stick.”

“Its nice to see you too, Uncle Bucky, Aunt Rose.” He gave both a hug. Man, he’s going to have to take a bath right after that. “Who are your Friends Kevin?” asked Aunt Rose. She looked us each other, eyeing AJ twice. “Well, you’ve met Brian once, this is Howie, AJ and the little one is Nick.” Little one! I’m almost as tall as you, you big stupid brushy eyebrow monkey. Yeah, its not much of an insult, but I’m the one saying it, not you.

“Aw, look at you, aren’t you the cutest little thing.” she pulled me into a bear hug, squeezing the ever loving life out of me. “Rose, let the boy go, before you kill him.” She finally dropped me, thank god, I could see my life flashing before my eyes.

“Well ya’ll come on in, standing out here, hot as it is.” said Uncle Bucky.

Aunt Rose and Uncle Bucky led us in to the living room. The room was freaking enormous. Hell, the house that we were living in before could probably fit inside it. The walls were a shade of greenish blue, I looked up at the ceiling and saw a gold chandelier that had twelve candles, in a circle, only eight of them worked. In the middle of one of the walls was an enormous fireplace, that practically took up most of the wall. On the other walls, were pictures of people, my guess is that they were either family members that are now dead, or old friends. “Sit, sit, ya’ll must be tired. I’ll go get ya’ll some lemonade.” Aunt Rose went in to what I guess was the kitchen. “You boys sit, I’m going to go help that woman, with those old glasses of her, she may give ya’ll dishwashing liquid instead of lemonade.” Uncle Bucky follow close behind. When he went into the kitchen, we kind of just sat there looking around, not really wanting to move from where we sat, because well, the house was kind of freaky.

“Kevin, I hope I don’t sound mean, but this place is creepy and it really smells bad.” said Howie.

“Yeah, it actually smells worse then your Aunt and Uncle.” I said. Big mistake.

“Nick!” scolded Kevin.

“What? There your family, not mine. I can say anything about them if I want.”

“Don’t say things like that about my family, its really rude.” he was giving me the evil eye folks, not something I want from Kevin. He may come across like a nice guy, but really he can be a real evil son of a bastard. After what seem to be a freaking year, she finally came back, but not with the drinks. “I just finished making dinner and since its close to it, why don’t ya’ll come in the dining room and eat something” I looked over at Kevin, who seem to look paler then usually and then I remember what he said. Oh, I hope the food doesn’t kill us.

We all sat at the old looking table. The dining room didn’t look that bad, if it weren’t from those damn stuffed ducks he had hanging in there. How’s a person suppose to eat when he has Daffy Duck’s cousin looking straight at him. “Alright, dinner is served.” said Aunt Rose. “What are we having to night, Rose?” asked Uncle Bucky. “Well, I thought I try something new so I fixed up a completely new dish.” she pulled the lid off the large pot that she carried in with her. “Pigs feet and liver strew.” What? I didn’t even know something so foul existed. It bubble and pop, and I could hear it make groaning noises. She went to each person and poured some on there plates. I looked down at mine, I had to hold my breath, the smell was that bad. I looked at everyone else, not surprising to see they had the same look on there face, well not Uncle Bucky. I guess being married to her and all, you get use to all the bad cooking. “Aren’t you going to have anything, Aunt Rose.” asked Brian. “Well, no Carol, I’ve already eaten.” I saw how Brian flinched when she called him the wrong name. “Its Brian, Rose, not Carol.” said Uncle Bucky.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I meant to say Brian.” She gave him a smile and went back into the kitchen. Then Uncle Bucky got up, he had a bucket, not trying to be funny here and took his plate and poured the mess in it. “Come on, all ya’ll put it in here, I know ya’ll don’t want to eat any of this crap.” So we did as we were told. When she came back, we told her how much it was really good. “Oh I’m so glad. Anyway, I made you all some pie. It blueberry, I hope you all like blueberry.” Now that something I don’t mind eating. We started eating, but I noticed something, this tasted more like lemon then blueberry. “Gosh darn it Rose, this is Lemon, not blueberry, I told you I was going to sell these. That’s it, your getting new glasses, because this is starting to get ri-gosh darn-diculous.”

So afterwards we all sat in the living room, Kevin was telling them about the group and us going to Germany. I wasn’t really listening, I was too busy looking for the television. “Um, do you guys have a television?”

“Yep, we got one.”

“Oh cool, can we-”

“But it don’t work.”

“Do you guys have a telephone?” asked Howie

“Yep, we got one,

“Oh good can I--”

“But that don’t work.”

“Well, do you have a radio?”

“Yep, I got a radio, but that also doesn’t work either.”

Well, for the love of pizza what the hell does work? Now I understand why Brian’s family thought that they were weird. “Oh boys, its getting late, time for bed.” said Aunt Rose. What? It only 7:50, and already we had to go to sleep? What kind of sick place is this? “But its only 7:50. Don’t you think it’s a bit too early to turn in, just yet?” asked Brian. “All growing boys need to sleep. Now off to bed with you, Bucky, be a dear and show them the room that there staying in.”

Room? Doesn’t she mean ‘rooms’ with a ‘s’. We followed Uncle Bucky up the stairs to the room. I saw other rooms and had to ask. “Why can’t we have our own rooms, there’s more then one room.” I asked. “Well, you can, if you want to get your ass eaten up my bed bugs and get lice in your hair.” “Well how do you know that that the bed doesn’t have lice or bed bugs in it?” asked Brian. Good question Bri. “Because I checked this one, this bed is clean, the rest aren’t and the others on the other side, I haven’t gotten to, because, well, I don’t feel like it.”

The guys went in to the room, I was about to enter, but stopped when I heard a low growl. What the hell, I didn’t notice a dog before. I listen and then heard it again. It was coming from one of the rooms. The one at the end of the hallway. The growls grew louder and more clear. I could just go and see-- “Nick, come on.” “AAHAHAHAHHAHA!!” Damn Brian for sneaking up on a guy when he wasn’t paying attention. “Dude, don’t do that!” I had my hand on my chest, my heart was beating at a fast pace. Then he started laughing. “Shut up man.” “What were you doing anyway?” he asked. “I heard noises coming from that room down the hall.” I looked back at the door, eyeing it funny. “Its just a door Nick.” Brian said simply.

“Yeah that’s right, it just a room, and ya’ll best stay away from it!” We both turned to see Bucky standing behind us with a very serious expression. He looked evil, I guess now I know where Kevin gets it from. “That room it off limits, so no more talk about it! Now off to bed with you, I’ll see ya’ll tomorrow.” With that he walked off, leaving us in the hall. Brian patted me on the back and guided me in to the room.

The lights were out and now I was in bed, in between Kevin and Howie. Why you wonder? I’ll tell you. It turns out that this room only had one huge bed in it. No more, nothing else. This sucked. I would have argue that I didn’t want to be in the middle, but I wouldn’t win. So here I am, laying awake, trying to go to sleep. I was just about to when, I heard that same growling noise. At first I thought it was just Howie, but I realize that it was more animalistic then human.

Great, just what I needed, a growling thing making noises all night. Could it get any worse? Oh yeah it could, like Kevin rolling over and laying on top off me.

Just lovely. Someone, please take me now.