Chapter 13:Fate
Howie didn’t actually make love to me in the middle of the lake that day, although that would have been fucking awesome. No, he was the perfect gentleman. We laid there for quite some time before swimming back to the real world, but it didn’t matter. For me the “real world” wasn’t going to be the “real world” any more.
Howie was really sweet. As I drove him back to town he asked if I wanted to go have dinner with him in Lexington. After all those hours at the lake, he still wanted to spend time with me. As much as I wanted to say yes, I couldn’t. I had to work and I couldn’t miss it. I was already down to only one job and if I wanted to get out of town I was going to need some money to do it. It almost hurt to have to drop him off. “So, if you live in Florida, what are you doing in Kentucky?” I asked as we drove toward Brian’s house.
“Actually Nick AJ and I all just came for the Charity dinner but decided to come a week early to help Brian and Leigh move.” He said and then chuckled, “But I don’t think we’ve actually been any help.” After that, his smirk faded. “We’re all flying back on Thursday.”
I nodded but couldn’t help the frown on my face. In a couple of days he would go back home and be gone from my life forever. “That doesn’t have to mean goodbye.” He said when he saw my pout.
I forced a smile but I was so confused. I didn’t respond but I couldn’t help the nervous side-glances I kept throwing his direction. As we pulled up Brian’s drive Howie began to stare at me. I was nervous so I focused my attention on the beautiful old house in front of me. “It’s gorgeous isn’t it?” I said with a nervous laugh.
Howie didn’t respond to the obvious small talk but he did continue to fucking stare at me. I looked over at him nervously and there was a hint of sadness behind his sweet smile. “I know what your thinking.” He said. “I know I sound a little crazy but I meant what I said about taking you back with me. But if you want you could just come check it out for a week or something and see if it’s a possibility.”
Yup, he did know what I was thinking. I was so nervous I could fucking puke. A fucking stranger had asked me to come to Florida with him. And more than anything I wanted to go, but I was trying to be realistic. Was that really a possibility? Did I really know him well enough to do something like that? He’s charming for sure and I get fucking weak at his touch, but mom once thought the same thing about dad and look where that got her. I sat searching for the right words and Howie took one of my hands in his. “I’m nervous too,” he said, “But this…” He leaned over the console pressing his lips to mine.
His manner was soft at first and when I gave in to his touch he rested his hand on the side of my face and pulled me closer to deepen the kiss. I’ve kissed a number of guys in my days but never has one of them been able to stop time the way Howie did when he touched me. Who knows how long he actually held the kiss but it felt like forever and yet not long enough at the same time. When he finally released my lips he stared intensely into my eyes. I was breathing heavily and shaking all over. “I know you feel that.” He whispered, “That’s something worth exploring.”
He’s goddamned right I felt that! How could I fucking not? The fucking bastard is good! “I’ve never been in love before,” he continued, “So I don’t how it’s supposed to feel, but I’d bet it starts out a lot like this.”
He had to have heard that line in a movie somewhere. People don’t fucking talk like that for real. Do they? Aw hell, line or not, I didn’t care. Howie waited for me to respond but I just didn’t know what to say. My head was a fucking mess. I had so much hitting me all at once. My father, Howie, Danny, and my own fucking hormones… I needed some time to get a grip on it all. “I need a fucking drink!” I replied.
From the look on his face, I’m not sure Howie liked that response all that much. Fuck! A man like him’s probably used to getting everything he wants. Part of me wanted to tell him to toughen up a little and call him crazy. How could he be talking about love? Sure, the thought had crossed my mind once or twice, but I wasn’t about to say it out loud. I only fucking met the guy a few days ago. But I didn’t tell him he was crazy, in fact I had quite the soft spot for his overly dramatic speech.
I finally smiled at the poor man who had just thrown his heart out on his fucking sleeve for me, “Howie.” I began, “You’re this rich, handsome, stranger who treats me better than anyone ever has and every time you touch me I just want to fucking die, but you’re too fucking perfect. It’s like you really are the prince fucking charming that this Cinderella’s been dreaming about her entire life. It’s all just a little too overwhelming.”
“Sometimes dreams come true.”
“Not for me they don’t.”
Howie sighed and slumped back in his seat. The man had to understand my hesitation, at least a little. I’m not totally crazy, right? I mean I wasn’t exactly saying no, I just couldn’t help but think that this was all too fucking good to be true. “Someone once told me not to let fear get in the way of my dreams.” Howie said and then gripped the handle of the door. “So you take some time and think about it and tomorrow night this prince charming will be at the ball waiting for Cinderella to show up and make all his dreams come true.”
He leaned over and kissed me again. Not fucking fair! How the hell was I supposed to think clearly when he kept doing that? He pulled away and opened the door finally ready to get out of the car. “Goodnight Cindy.” He whispered. He flashed me one last intoxicating smile and then made his way to the front door.
“Fuck me.” I sighed as I watched him disappear inside the house. Leighanne waved enthusiastically at me from the door and gave me a thumbs up when Howie was out of sight. I laughed to myself and then waved back as I pulled out of the drive.
When I got to the bar that night, I was glad to see it was slow. Normally I fucking hate slow nights but tonight I really needed the peace. I kept replaying the day’s events over and over in my head. There was really a lot to think about, today had been fucking eventful, but the part that seemed to stick out the most was the lake. Not just the fact that Howie kissed me, but everything, everything that it represented. I must have been pretty deep in thought because I didn’t hear Hal calling my name until he was fucking snapping his fingers in front of my face. “What’s on your mind kiddo?” he chuckled.
Hal was surprised with my answer. “You still have that picture of my mom? The one at the lake.”
“My god Cindy! What on Earth made you think of that?”
“Do you?”
Hal gave me a peculiar look but then disappeared into the back. Moments later he returned with a worn copy of an old photograph. He handed it to me and my eyes glistened at the sight. It’d been so long since I’d seen it that I’d almost forgotten what it looked like. I studied the picture closely and couldn’t believe the resemblance between us. “You look just like her you know.” Hal said taking a trip down memory lane.
I looked at the smile on my mom’s face. That was exactly the way I remembered it. Hal sighed. “Your momma used to be so lively; always the hit of the party. God she was beautiful.”
I found myself trying to imagine the girl in the photograph exciting and full of life. She really was beautiful. I’m sure she had her pick of all the guys. I thought about the woman who was no doubt at home in some self induced coma. She was so pathetic now. She was angry and bitter. Her spirit was fucking dead. “I can’t understand how a person can change so much.” I said feeling more sorry for her than angry.
“Life’s not always fair. I hated watching your father slowly strip her of her soul until he’d finally broken her all together. I knew what he was doing. I used to try and convince her to get out, but she’d never listen.”
“God she was so stupid! How could she do that to herself?”
Hal looked at me just then in a way I can’t describe but I’ll never forget and I knew I was about to get a serious slap in the face. “You tell me Cindy.” He said making my eyes grow wide from shock. “You’re headed down that same path.”
I don’t know if I was in denial or just fucking shock. How could he say that? How? If there was one thing I’ve said my entire life, it’s that no matter what, I was not going to end up like my fucking mother. My father was not going to destroy me. I wasn’t going to let the bastard win. Hell, knowing that was the only thing that kept me going all these years. I shook my head slowly back and forth and I was fucking speechless. “It’s the truth Cindy, I swear to God.”
“No.” I whispered.
“I’m not going to sit here and tell you that you need to get out, I’ve had that conversation with your momma too many times and you are every bit as stubborn as she was. But God Cin, I know you’ve noticed it lately. Why do you think you’ve been acting so crazy. You’re fighting it. You’ve always been a fighter but if you don’t do something this town in gonna get ya the same way it got your momma.”
“Well you don’t have to worry about me. There’s no fucking way I’m gonna let that happen. I’m leaving.”
“You’re what?” Hal said, sure he’d heard wrong.
“I’m sick of all the bullshit and I’m getting the fuck out of Hanley.”
I expected Hal to be surprised or not believe me or something. I woulda guessed he might try and persuade me to stay before saying what he said. “Good for you Cin.” He said as a proud grin slid across his face. “I hope to God you’re serious.”
“I have to.” I said with my emotions finally getting the better of me. Tears began to prick my eyes. I immediately felt like a complete idiot for fucking crying again and as I wiped away the evidence Hal fucking told me how proud of me he was. “You haven’t been acting crazy lately, you just been growin up. Whatever it is that’s inspired this change, honey you make sure to hang on to it.”
I blushed at his last statement thinking that I knew exactly what had inspired me. Hal read it on my face and smiled. “Love’s a powerful thing.” He said, “If you found it, you have to grab it by the balls and not let it get away, cause there ain’t nothing worse than knowing you could have had it.”
Hal looked at the picture of my mom again and the color seemed to leave his eyes. I’d never seen this side of him before, but I’ll be damned if that man wasn’t completely in love with my fucking mother. “I’ll be damned, Hal! I never knew.”
Hal sighed. “I should have fought for her. Sure I kicked Hank’s ass once but after that I gave up and I’ve spent the rest of my life regretting it. Now I’m gonna die some lonely old fuck in a bar someday. And there ain’t gonna be a goddamned soul at my funeral that gives a shit.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. The fucking John Wayne wannabe was talking about love and life’s regrets. “God Hal.”
“This town gets ya Cin. Get the fuck out while you still can.”
I’ve never really been much of a dreamer but that night my brain skipped from one dream to the next. All night long visions of Howie clouded my thoughts. I dreamed I went with Leighanne and Brian to the ball and when we got there everyone looked like they were from another time. Howie sat upon a big throne with a huge crown on his head. When I entered the room a spotlight hit me and Howie got up. The crowd parted to let him threw and when he took my hand all the sudden he was twirling me around the fucking clouds. All the people were gone and it was just us floating up to the sky. Then we were at the lake again and I was in a wedding dress if you can fucking believe that. Howie and I were on the raft in the middle of the lake and all of our friends and family were sitting in rowboats. A preacher announced us man and wife and when Howie went to kiss the bride I heard the angry voice of my mother calling out from the crowd.
That’s when I woke up. I was so fucking surprised that I was dreaming about my fucking wedding. I’ve never done that before. What did it mean? I mean it wasn’t a nightmare or anything. It was actually kind of a sweet dream. It even kind of put me in a good mood. The only thing that didn’t seem to make sense was the angry voice of my mother. Well, it didn’t make sense until two seconds later when her bitter raspy voice called for me again. “Cinderella!” she hollered, “There’s somebody at the fucking door!”
There were only two people who could have possibly been at my door at 8:30 in the fucking morning. There are only three people in the world who ever come to my house to begin with and dad sure as hell wouldn’t bother to knock anymore than he would be awake this early. So, Danny and John had come to hall my ass in when I didn’t show up this morning. Well I wasn’t fucking kidding about never wanting to see Danny again or quitting and I was ready to tell them that.
I opened the door having pushed the thoughts of my dream to the back of my mind and my anger was beginning to rise to the surface. I was about to yell when I realized who was standing there. “Leighanne!” I gasped, “What the fuck are you doing here?”
Leighanne looked nervous for only a second but then she smiled. “We have a busy day today so I thought I’d bring you a wake up call.”
How can anyone be so fucking happy that they need to be giggling first thing in the morning? I don’t know, but that’s what she did as she held up coffee and what looked like fucking bran muffins. “Can I come in?” she asked when I just stood in the doorway staring at her crazy ass.
I stepped aside and she waltzed right into my own little personal piece of hell. She was brave. “How’d you know where I live?”
“Small town.” She giggled as she set the cups on the counter. “I hope you like bran, because all they had were these and some scones and I don’t know about you but if I eat one of those I won’t be able to fit into my dress tonight.”
“What the fuck is this Cinderella?”
Oh God! My mother. I couldn’t wait to see what would happen next. My mom could eat a woman like Leighanne alive in a matter of seconds. I gotta give Leigh credit though, I told her all about my mother and she marched right up the bitch and fucking hugged her. I cringed as I waited for the explosion but none came. Apparently momma’s still able to be surprised. I smirked when I saw how fucking stunned she was. “You must be Clair!” Leighanne said in that petite giddy voice of hers. “Cindy’s told me so much about you. It’s wonderful to finally meet you.”
Here it comes. Leighanne stepped back flashing her perfect smile at mom and she looked at me. “Is she crazy or something?” momma asked referring to Leigh, “Are you running some psycho ex-cheerleader outreach program?”
I figured momma’s insults hadn’t hurt Leigh’s feelings, at least not yet anyway, but I never expected her to laugh. “How’d you know I used to be a cheerleader?” she said.
Momma looked at me, and fuck it all, there was a smile on her face. It may have been a sarcastic smirk, but still, a fucking smile none the less. “Shit Cinderella, where the hell’d you find Barbie and what the fuck is she doing with your sorry ass. You ain’t a fucking lesbian are ya?”
I didn’t know what to say. How the hell was I supposed to explain Leighanne to momma? I just stood there like a fucking dumbass and watched the scene play out in front of me feeling powerless to stop it. Whatever happened now was up to fate and fate alone. “We’re having breakfast.” Leighanne answered cheerfully and handed momma a cup of coffee. “I brought some for you too.”
Momma looked at the paper cup in her hand and laughed. “Fucking city folk and their coffee.” She smirked and then held the cup out to Leighanne, “Shit woman I need something with a little more kick in it to wake me up.”
Leighanne giggled and from where I was standing it seemed as if she were enjoying herself. Leighanne reached into her purse with a wicked grin. “I can fix that.” She giggled as she retrieved a silver flask. Momma’s face perked up as Leighanne poured alcohol into momma’s coffee.
“Now you’re speaking my language honey.” Momma said and then fucking laughed. “That shit ain’t bad.” She said tasting the coffee.
“A close friend of mine used to love that recipe.” Leighanne said and then she and Momma fucking laughed together.
For the next fucking half an hour I watch Leighanne chat with my mom over fucking bran muffins and spiked coffee. I was beyond trying to find logic in the situation. We had long since stepped out of the realm of possibility and into the fucking Twilight Zone. They were exchanging stories and fucking laughing hysterically. I hardly said two words the whole time. I even started to believe that I hadn’t wakened from my dream, but rather stepped into a new one. But what the fuck did this one mean? Marrying Howie is one thing but Momma laughing and smiling? What the hell was that? Finally Leighanne ordered me to go get dressed. She said I had to have my dress fitted incase it needed altering or something. I was hesitant to leave her alone with momma but she seemed to be a lot better off with her than I was. “Fuck it.” I said and went to enjoy a hot relaxing shower.
Momma was actually in a fucking decent mood when we left. She still didn’t believe Leighanne that I was going to get all dressed up and go to a fucking ball. Even though she told Leighanne it would be impossible to transform me into a fucking princess she still wished her luck and told her to find me a fucking decent man so that I would get out of the fucking house already. And I can’t be sure because I was still in shock and she was still drunk, but she might have said something about wanting fucking grandbabies.
As if that morning wasn’t crazy enough already, as Leighanne and I stepped out onto the front steps of my trailer, Hal pulled up in his truck. “What the fuck is going on around here?” I said feeling almost faint.
Hal introduced himself to Leighanne and then smiled at me. He held up a fucking bouquet of flowers and with a wink said, “You’ve inspired me kiddo.”
My jaw fucking dropped to the ground and I had to sit the fuck down. Leighanne and Hal helped me into the fucking passenger seat of Leigh’s car before I fucking passed out. Hal and Leighanne chatted for a minute and then he waved us on our merry fucking way. As we pulled away and Hal stepped into my house I took a deep breath, it seemed fucking fate was taking its course.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Sorry guys, a little slow giong right now... I've been sick. :( but, Here's the next chapter and I'm starting to feel better so hopefully you won't have to wait as long for the next one. Enjoy! :)
