Chapter 7: Sex Talk
So where in this epic tale of tales was I? Oh that’s right, driving Barbie to Lexington in my dirty piece of shit Cutlass. Technically it’s my mom’s car but she’s been too drunk to drive for at least 25 years now so I never saw the point in getting one of my own. I was starting to rethink it though when Leighanne had to sit on a towel to avoid getting grease all over her skirt. I have this bad habit of leaving my work overalls wadded up in the passenger seat. “Sorry about that.” I cringed when I saw Leighanne adjusting the towel in order to keep her skirt safe. “I never expected there’d be anything so fancy in here.”
Leighanne looked at her skirt and giggled, “What this old thing? Oh god, I’m not worried about ruining it, but I would hate to be caught wandering around town with a big stain on my skirt. Just my luck someone would get a picture of that and my but would be plastered all over the internet.”
“I knew you were some kind of famous model or something.”
“I wish I were famous for my modeling.” Leighanne said starting in with that pesky giggle of hers again. “I’ve only done a little work. I acted in a few music videos and a couple indie films but hardly anyone on the planet has seen them. My recognition comes mostly from being married to Brian. He’s pretty influential.”
Whatever, I knew she was a fucking model, or actress or whatever. “I bet you’re a fucking beauty queen too.” Oops! I meant to think that but it actually came out of my mouth.
“Sadly no, but it would have been fun to be Ms. Georgia at least once.”
Was she being serious? I think she was. Why the hell would anyone ever want to be a fucking beauty queen? Geez, I was sure I was never going to understand this chick. What the hell was I doing having a “girls day out” with her? I must be going crazy.
“I was prom queen though, my senior year. That was kind of fun.” Leighanne said interrupting my thoughts.
“I beat up our prom queen.” I admitted.
“You what?” Leighanne asked with wide eyes suppressing a laugh. (I can’t believe I haven’t offended this woman yet.)
“My best friend Danny’s always been a bit of a shit head.” I explained. “He started a campaign our senior year as a joke, to make me prom queen. The girl I was running against, Jenny, was a bitch, and when she said that I had a better chance at being the king I drop kicked her ass.”
Leighanne stared at me for a moment and then burst into laughter. I couldn’t help it and laughed along with her. When we finally caught our breath Leighanne grinned mischievously and asked, “So did you win?”
“I never made it to the dance. I got suspended and they disqualified me from the election.” I shrugged. I wouldn’t have gone to fucking prom anyway. “But the rest of the year the entire student body teased her that she only won by default. It pissed her off so much the suspension was worth it.”
Leighanne lost it again. “Oh God, stop making me laugh before I pee myself!” she cried.
When she said that I couldn’t help but laugh again. She was the girliest girl I’ve ever seen and yet here she was talking about pissing herself. Ok, she used the word ‘pee’ but still. She wasn’t prissy. The whole moment was so strange. I was actually having a good time. Just me and another girl laughing and having fun? I think that was a first for me.
All the sudden I found myself excited. Maybe Brian was right. Maybe Leighanne and I were a good combination for each other. It was quite a relief to think that there was at least one woman in this world I could get along with. I was excited for my new friend. I thought for sure that she would be able to help me get through whatever the hell this womanly life crisis was I was having.
I was also getting more excited about this “girls day” with every mile I got closer to the city. Is it so bad to want to turn a guys head once in a while? And after wearing my cute jeans to work the other night I did in fact need a new pair. I found it kind of relieving to think that someone who knew what they were doing would be there to help me pick some out. Honestly, is that so fucking horrible? “You know?” I said feeling momentarily brave yet thinking I would regret what I was about to say, “I’m kind of excited. I’ve never really gone shopping before and I do need a new pair of jeans.”
I watched as Leighanne’s face turned into a mystified pout. “Are you serious? Never? Oh honey you are in for a real treat then! You have no idea how much fun you are about to have! But you know, the shopping part is actually the very last thing we’re going to do today.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well first you have to go to the spa. Massages, scrubs, facials, pedicures, the works! You gotta be relaxed so that you’re in a good mood. That way you like the things you try on. Then you go to the salon. You have to have your hair colored and styled so that you know what kind of outfits you want to buy and you can coordinate with your nail color. Then comes the most fun part… accessorizing!”
I nearly ran us off the road staring at the look on her face. She was fucking glowing with anticipation. “You’d think we were going to fucking Disneyland or something.” I laughed.
Leighanne smiled wickedly at me. “Disneyland is a distant second.” She chuckled, “We are going to have so much fun today!”
When we got there I realized that Leighanne was being modest about her celebrity status because the receptionist at the desk blushed when she gave her, her name. The girl said they were booked but if we didn’t mind she would put us in the double room. I had to ask what that meant.
For the record, it meant that massages are usually a one on one thing but they reserved one room that had two tables where people could get massages together. The girl said it was usually couples; newlyweds and shit, but Leighanne happily accepted the offer. She said she would be honored to be there for my first massage.
I just shrugged when they asked if I cared. I had no clue what I was doing. I was totally at Leighanne’s mercy today. “Good!” Leighanne said becoming giddy again. “You’re gonna die! Massages are heavenly!” All I could do was shake my head. She really is a fucking princess.
Thirty minutes later I found myself lying on a massage table ass naked. Apparently I’m the only person in the world that didn’t realize full body massages meant taking off all your clothes while some guy rubbed oil all over your body, or woman in Leighanne’s case. Go figure she would request someone with a “soft touch”. I had to smirk. I bet Brian’s a delicate lover.
Shit! Should I be thinking about Leighaene’s husband like that? That can’t possibly be good. But, since I’m already on the subject, the man does have a very gentle disposition. And really soft hands. Yeah, I’d bet he’s fucking good at it.
I laid there a little nervous of what was about to happen to me but I had to admit the warm sheets were a nice touch and the room smelled pretty. Like vanilla or flowers or some shit. Then I felt a strong pair of hands run over my back with some kind of oil that was warm and tingly. Holy fuck it felt good! I had to let out a groan; I couldn’t help myself. I heard Leighanne giggle and turned my head her direction. She was laughing at me. “Nice huh?”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I replied, “God, it’s better than sex!”
Leighanne giggled again. “I used to think the same thing.” She agreed, “So I made Brian take a couple classes. It really enhanced things for us if you know what I mean.”
“Shit! Are you serious?”
“Totally serious! Things actually got a lot better. The first time he tried it on me it got me so riled up we went at it all night. He was a little excited after that and now he has no problem taking a little time first.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing! Do girls talk about sex with each other? I thought for sure that was only something perverted guys do. Danny, John and I talk about it all the time, but Leighanne? That’s kind of impressive. I laughed out loud. This girl was really starting to grow on me. “All my past lovers have been kind of rough.” I admitted. “You know, kind of wham bam thank you ma’am.”
“Aw, you’re missin’ out then.”
“Maybe, but there’s nothing like getting a little wild and crazy sometimes.”
Leighanne looked at me a little intrigued. I smirked thinking how much I could probably teach her about guys. Women I’m clueless, but men? Shit! I’m an expert. “I guarantee you, that if you catch him by surprise tonight, tear his clothes off, actually ripping the buttons off his shirt and then scream his name while you fuck his brains out, you’ll get whatever you want for at least a month.”
“Rip the buttons huh?” Leighanne asked with a laugh, yet she looked as if she were seriously contemplating the idea.
“Yes Leighanne! Rip the fucking buttons! And if you really want to impress him, Make sure you’re in the kitchen when you do it. Throw him down right there on the fucking table.”
“Have you really done that?”
“Hell ya I’ve done it! And I promise you, your husband’s fantasized about it before. Guys have this thing with sex in the kitchen.”
“Oh my God Cindy!” Leighanne laughed breaking out into that rich accent again. “You are too much!”
“Makes sense when you think about it I guess. I am a bit rough around the edges.”
“Well we’ll just have to soften you up a bit then.” Leighanne said becoming playful. Then she grinned as if she were the devil himself. “Then we’ll find you a nice gentle guy to take you places sexually that you’ve never been.”
“Good luck finding a guy like that around here.” I said with a smirk.
Leighanne giggled, again… “I already have one in mind.”
I couldn’t help the curious look on my face. She laughed. “You know who I’m talking about! I heard you talking to yourself in the shop this morning. You know, Howie’s nickname IS Sweet D.”
She did NOT just go there! “The guys actually call him the Latin Lover.” She teased accentuating the words with silly faces.
Oh God I’m blushing again! “I always tease Brian that if he doesn’t treat me right, I’m gonna run off with Howie.”
I froze like a fucking deer. What the hell was I supposed to say to that? I looked pathetically guilty. Oh, she was good! She got me all loose and distracted and laughing, and then she cornered me when I couldn’t possibly go anywhere. Even if I wanted to high tail it out of there, I had no fucking clothes on. Nope. I was stuck and she knew it. “He talks to me you know.” She continued to pry. “Tells me almost everything.”
Shit! She knew. He told her! That son of a bitch told her! My mind was racing a mile a minute. I tried to tell myself that maybe I was over reacting. Maybe he just told her he liked me. He wouldn’t have told her about Nick, would he? “What exactly did he tell you?” I asked hoping I didn’t sound as nervous as I was.
“Enough to know that you have that boy head over heels for you.”
“Oh.” I said breathing a sigh of relief. Good. She didn’t know about my little sexcapade. If she did she would have said something. I didn’t say anything more hoping that she might just drop the subject. I tried to concentrate on my massage. I closed my eyes but I could feel Leighanne’s eyes burning a hole in me.
“So, are you going to tell me what happened between you two or not?” Leighanne asked almost whining like an impatient teenager.
There was no point in resisting her. I knew it was only a matter of time before she wore me down anyway. Besides, why was I fighting her? Didn’t I want some advice from a girl? Leighanne was definitely a girl, and apparently she knows Howie pretty well. It was time to let my guard down. Maybe I’d get some fucking sleep tonight. Hell, maybe I’d get fucking laid. (and actually remember it this time)
I let go a deep sigh. Well it was half a sigh and half a moan. Leighanne was right about massages. Heavenly is a very fitting word for them, and if you ever tell anyone I said that I’ll kick your ass. “You know we’d better stop talking about sex. This massage is making me so horny that if I don’t find a way to get some tonight I’ll be very cranky in the morning.” I said with another groan.
“Well honey then quit avoiding the subject. What do you think I’m trying to do here?”
“God Leighanne!” I laughed, “You are definitely not as sweet as you come across!”
“Oh I’m sweet.” She reassured me, “I just spend way too much time around my husband’s friends. Nick and AJ really start to wear off on a person after a while.”
“I’m sure of it.”
Leighanne giggled as innocently as anyone could and then said, “Even us sweet girls need to get some. How do you think we stay so sweet? I’m with you on the whole massage thing. I can’t go to the spa when my husband’s out of town; I get downright bitchy. Toys are just never as good as the real thing, ya know?”
“Shit Leighanne! You are my new fucking hero. I didn’t know girls like you existed.”
“What?” she shrugged as if she were a young innocent schoolgirl. “Sometimes he’s gone for weeks at a time. Doesn’t leave me many options.”
Leighanne and I began laughing so hard that the whole Howie topic was temporarily forgotten. We had a good laugh and then enjoyed the rest of our massages in silence, I’m sure much to the dismay of the man massaging me. Our conversation had to have been entertaining to say the least. In fact I know it was because the man slipped me his card when we left and told me to give him a call sometime. Right. Like I needed that right now. Although, the way his fingers worked magic on my body today… I gotta admit, I wouldn’t mind some of that sensual lovemaking Leighanne was talking about earlier. Shit, Leighanne, that woman is crazy.
Author's Chapter Notes:
just a side note, when you get to it... I have no idea if Leighanne was ever really her prom queen or not. I made that up for the sake of the story. (wouldn't surprise me though) If you know, feel free to share. :)
