You'll remember me when the west wind moves
Among the fields of barley
You can tell the sun in his jealous sky
When we walked in fields of gold
When we walked in fields of gold

Why the hell they’d paid some random woman to come and sing at a funeral was beside me. I had the song still stuck in my head and just the memory of how soulfully she sang it; brought a knot to my throat. I hadn’t been able to cry since I’d seen them wheel him away in the hospital. There was no way I’d cry now, either, today there was a crowd of people taking up space in my mom and dad’s house and it really frustrated me. Where were they all when he was alive? Some of them passed by me and professed their condolences; I just shook my head and remained quiet.

“Are you alright?” Alex stood over me. He looked just as sad as my dad and everyone else in my family. Which in a way was a surprise for me. Sometimes I believe Alex has no feelings.

I looked up at him, “I’m fine.”How do you forget someone when they are constantly there? Reminding you of every great moment you spent together. Reminding you that your feelings for them haven’t disappeared, but instead have intensified.
I wanted Alex to leave me alone; to not be part of my family. Yet, deep down all I wanted was to feel him wrapped around me. The pain in my heart was too intense to think about this, so instead I got up and headed for the door. There was a faint knock and I opened.

A UPS man stood with a lopsided grin on his face. “Delivery for Sophia Thompson?”

“That’s me.” I muttered.

He reached towards the wall and handed over a overly grown package. My stomach tightened and the knot in my throat grew bigger as I stared at the package. The package, I knew was my surf board; the one I was going to take on my trip to surf with Nick.

“California!” The words fluttered out of my mouth.

Just the thought that it wouldn’t happen…ever, made my whole chest hurt. I walked passed the man holding the board and double stepped off the stairs. Kevin was walking towards me in normal clothes, so I knew his shift was over.

His green eyes looked at me alarmed, as I took hold of his arm and pulled him towards his car. I could hear my name being called by everyone, but I didn’t look back. Nor did Kevin.

“What’s going on? Are you alright?”

“I just need you to get me as far from here as possible.”

He was still confused, but opened the door for me and we both hopped into the car and drove off. We weren’t far when the tears started falling.

“Soph…I know you’re not ok.”

“I’m not…” I sniffled, “Nick died alone, he sent me away on purpose. I wasn’t there to make him company when he needed someone and it kills me.”

Kevin placed his hand on my leg and gave it a squeeze. “He didn’t want you to be in more pain. How about we go up to my place and I’ll get you some coffee.” He pulled his car into the driveway and cut the engine.

I was surprised to see the two story beige house, with a red door. “You live here?”

He met me in front of his car and smiled at me, “Yes. Why?”

“I just didn’t picture you in a house.” I swiped at the tears that I felt in the corner of my eyes.

“Come on…I’ll get you some coffee.”

We entered the house and I was taken aback from what I saw. The place was cleaner than my apartment had ever been. The furniture was top of the line and so masculine.

"Make yourself at home and I'll get the coffee started." He walked into the big kitchen and I stayed behind. Touching all the furniture little by little. There were pictures along the walls. I was surprised to see one where there was a blonde woman with a little blonde boy; they were hugging. "Is this...um...your family?"

He stood closely behind me and reached over my shoulder to grab the frame. Carefully he inspected it. "That was my family."

I didn't mean to pry, but Kevin was a bit of a mystery to me. All I knew about him was that he was my partner, he was always on time and he had my back during shoot outs. Oh...and he seemed to have a thing for me. I never imagined that he had a family.

"What do you mean was?"

"They were...um...killed in a car accident. He was only four."

I turned around to catch the pain in his eyes. I'd touched a sore spot and I felt really bad about it. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..."

"It's ok. He'd be six now." Kevin let out a sigh and rubbed the back of his neck. Then still reached over me to put the frame back. His cheek was almost touching mine, I looked up to catch him looking at me. My hand caressed the side of his face and felt him lean towards me.

His lips brushed against mine and I hungrily kissed him. My hand wrapping around the back of his neck. With no strain he lifted me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist, one of his hands rested on my butt and the other caressed my back. My arms were wrapped around his neck and my lips were glued to his.

My heart was beating full force, my body was overheating and I was trying hard not to think about anything else, but letting Kevin inside of me. We crashed against the wall and my legs touched the ground again. We parted from our kissing and he looked at me for a bit.

“Maybe we shouldn’t do this. I don’t--”

“I want to do this…” I smiled unzipping the side of my dress and letting it fall to the ground. His eyes looked me over and he quickly took off his shirt too. Then took my hand and guided me up the stairs. Under that uniform I never would have imagined that he was so muscular and perfect.

I watched him take a seat on the bed and I slowly closed the door.