Chapter Twenty – Two
11:59PM
Nick and Anna were sitting on her bed, in her room, watching the New Years Eve ball drop in New York, then the countdown began, Ten...Nine...Eight...Seven...Six...Five...Four...Three...Two...One, "HAPPY NEW YEAR!" The people on the TV shouted. Nick turned to Anna and grinned, "Happy New Year, Baby!" He said happily and Anna smiled at him, "Happy New Year, Carter." She said then Nick leaned in and kissed her deeply. It was one of those kisses that she loved so much because they made her so dizzy, 'this is the perfect way to start the New Year, it couldn't be better, or could it?’ She thought and leaned closer to him. But something was different to than other kisses that they’d had before it felt like they have all the time in the world. As she leaned in, she moved so that she was sitting on his lap with her legs wrapped around his waist. Nicks hands rested on her waist and he played with the bottom of her shirt. 'Ohhhh, why is sitting like this on me now’ Her fingers ran roughly through his hair and their kisses got more passionate. They both missed each other this way 'I love her when she is like this, just don't screw it Carter, with a stupid move. Hopefully I am the right one for her, please god I love her, I really do.’ Nick thought as he heard little moans escaping Anna’s mouth and Nick’s hands slowly went under her shirt and stroked her back.
Anna pulled a back little, took off her shirt, and threw it behind her. Nick grabbed her, kissed her, and laid her carefully onto her bed. He was lying on top of her between her legs and kissing her into her neck. “Carter,....” she said with a wobbly voice and a smirk on her voice and her hands under his shirt.
“Yeah, babe is everything okay?” he sounded insecure. Anna lifted herself up little more to kiss him again and spoke softly against his lips, "I guess you don't need this anymore, it's unfair that you’re still wearing your shirt" she deepened the kiss and lifted his shirt.
Nick sat back, pulled off his shirt, in the same moment lifted herself up, and kissed his bare chest. Nick groaned with every single kiss he felt on his skin. He never experienced things like this, every time he had a girl it was always all about sex, but this was so much more this was about feelings and feeling the other one. Feeling how it felt too beloved and how someone cared about you and how it is not to be in rush with having sex. This was already more intimate then all the other times he had sex before in his life because... he was in love and he realized that sex wasn't that important as he thought it was before. ‘Feeling Anna like this, feeling her lips all over my chest is amazing’. She stroked with her fingertips over his shoulders down to his hands and both tangled their fingers. Nick fall slowly back onto her and nibbled on her lower lip before he went down with his kisses along her neck to her shoulder over her collarbone to her cleavage. Anna moaned loudly 'thank god no one is at home, I never lied this way before, yesterday was so hard…Today will be better. I missed this even though we aren't together. This is hot, I love it, and all I care about in this moment is that I need to feel him. I need to be close to him. He makes feel so special and I never thought I could miss someone like I missed him before he came here. Maybe he is really my other half... trust ... Anna this is what you need, you need to trust completely, and he won't disappoint you. I hope I’m right but it couldn’t hurt to wait just a little while longer, just to be sure.’
Nick placed kisses all over her tummy as he went lower and lower making Anna arching her back. 'Yes, no, yes, no, yes, awwwwwww I am going crazy, she drives me insane with this hot body of hers and the way she is with me.' Nick was arguing with himself in his mind about stripping down her sweatpants. Finally, he did it after he kissed her along the waistband of her sweatpants and she didn't fight it so he pulled them down and threw them cross the room.
He went up to her mouth with placing kisses all over her body. She softly cupped his face and kissed him passionately playing with his tongue and sucking gently on his lower lip. He moaned loud against Anna’s lips and pulled her closer. Her hands were going down slowing over his back to his ass and they slipped into his jeans. She loved hearing him moaning. He kissed her face, her earlobe and gently sucked on it. Then he gently started sucking on her neck and his breathing became heavier as he realized where Anna hands were. Anna’s hands make their way to the front of his jeans. She unbutton it, he lifted his hips and helped her to pull them down and off the bed. 'Oh god, I want him, everything feels so right, so amazing and it feels like that the night could last forever. I never thought that someone could make me feel so special but he makes me feel like this and it is plain and simply wonderful.' Anna moaned as Nick kissed her deeply. He played with the straps of her bra but then he stopped. He stopped kissing and touching her and got off her. He lay beside her, pulled her close, and sighed. Anna cupped his face and tried to kiss him he didn't kissed her back. “What's wrong?” she said with an insecure voice. “Nothing Anna, you are amazing and you drive me insane and ... I love you ... but ... we should stop before we go too far...we should wait to do anything more...we're not even together and it just doesn’t feel right. It's not that I don't want to, far away from it but ... it's not right.” Nick almost whispered still holding her close as possible. Anna traced circles on his bare chest, making Nick shiver just slightly "I get what you mean, I mean I really want this...at least right now I do, but ....” Nick put a finger on her lips and kissed her on her forehead
Anna smiled, “How about we just sleep now? We can’t get ourselves in trouble if we sleep.” Nick nodded as Anna rolled over, took out her hearing aids, and sat them on the table beside her, Nick moved so that He was lying beside Anna, “Is it okay if I sleep with you tonight?” Anna nodded as she closed her eyes; she just wanted to sleep now. She leaned forward a bit and turned off the small lamp.
As she lay there, she started thinking about her day, ‘this seriously has been the best day ever, hanging out with Nick all day was awesome, and then what just happened was seriously amazing. But as much as I wanted it, maybe it was a good idea if we didn’t go any further…I’m on the edge of almost completely trusting him and if that’s such a good thing then why does it scare the hell out of me? Ooh, stop thinking and go to sleep.’
Nick laid there cuddling up next to Anna, thinking about what had just happened, ‘Was it the right thing to stop? I hope she isn’t pissed. It’s just not the right time…not yet.’ His thoughts were interrupted when Anna sat up she leaned over Nick to grab the TV controller she turned off the TV and threw the controller lightly on the pillow beside her bed and then moved back to her side. She felt Nick move closer to her, he lay right up against her, she could feel the warmth of his body, and she could feel his heart beating, she smiled to herself. Nick let his hand run down her arm until he reached her hand and when he did, he slipped his fingers through hers and was relieved when she didn’t fight it. “You Okay, sweetheart?” He asked. Anna smiled even though he couldn’t see, “I’m great as long as I’m around you anyways.” Nick grinned to himself, “Good!” He said then he started placing small kisses on top of her shoulder, “Good night.” He whispered in her ear. Anna felt herself grin, “Night, Carter.”
Next Day:
January 1st 2010
Anna woke up the next morning with Nick’s arms around her; she almost couldn’t believe that they had almost had sex last night. They were both still half-naked. But she was happy that they stopped, it wasn’t their time yet to go any further, she found herself trusting more and more. She still couldn’t believe that he came all the way to Canada just to spend a few days with her. It was gonna suck to say good-bye but hopefully it wouldn’t be as hard this time. She was facing the opposite of Nick his front was cuddled up to her back. Nick groaned in his sleep as he tightened his grip on her, which surprisingly to her, she felt really safe. As if nothing in this world could touch her. She had always felt safe in her home or when she was with family, she had never felt unsafe in her life. But this was a different kind of safe. She couldn’t really tell what it was but she liked it.
As her faith and trust him grew she also became more scared of all the what if’s, she didn’t know she could ever take losing him. But she needed to make herself believe that nothing like that would happen. She then felt Nick’s arms move off her she turned to see that he had rolled over to his other side in his sleep and was now cuddling with the teddy bear that Anna had forgotten was on her bed. She let a small giggle, ‘to take a picture or not…nah, I’m too lazy to get out of bed.’ She looked at Nick who was sleeping peacefully. She then stared the ‘KAOS’ tattoo that was on his back. She smiled and moved closer, she decided that she was awake and that if she was awake then he had to be too. She wanted to talk to him, though it is pretty hard to compete with a sleeping Nick. She then started kissing each letter of the tattoo with small quick kisses; she heard a soft moan escape Nick’s lip as his grip on the teddy bear went tighter.
Anna chuckled as she saw him grabbing the bear closer. Her fingers traced over his shoulder to his neck and over his KAOS tattoo down to his lower back. Another very sleepy moan escaped him. Her hands were going over his waistband to his stomach softly stroking it. She couldn't resist and lifted herself a little to kiss his arm her hands were now on his chest.
Nick opened his eyes to a golden blonde teddy bear; he quickly threw it to the floor and turned over to see Anna staring at him. He grinned, “You trying to kill me?” Anna grinned back, “Nah, not kill…then I’d be very, very sad.” Nick laughed, and pulled her close, kissing her deeply. Anna then quickly pulled back, “Mmm, Later. I gotta get a shower.” “I’ll race ya.” Nick said with a smirk. Anna laughed, “You’re on Carter!” So they raced and Anna won. Nick pouted. They had another full day of being alone together and they couldn’t wait to get started.
One week later,
January 8th 2010
7PM.
It was exactly one week later, and Anna and Nick have had so much fun together, between snowball fights, playing some hockey, indoor basketball, more movies, video games, beating each other up. Now it was all over and time to say good-bye again. Paul was at work and Anna’s parents were out at a friend’s party. Nick came back inside after loading in stuff in his rental car. He looked at Anna who was sitting on the steps in a t-shirt and grey sweatpants. She had Charlie sitting beside her; she looked up at Nick with tears in her eyes, and said with a soft voice, “Can’t you stay a little while longer?” Nick shook his head, “I wish…I’m sorry, baby.” He replied sitting besides moving the dog out of the way so he could sit beside her. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, “I had a lot of fun, more fun than I’ve ever had in my life and that includes performing and that’s pretty hard to top.” Anna smiled, “So…you’re saying that spending time tops music and concerts and touring?” Nick nodded, “Totally.” Anna sighed resting her head against his chest, “It’s not fair that I have to say goodbye again.” “Yeah, I didn’t think of that part. Sorry.” Anna shook her head, “its okay, saying goodbye is hard but not being able to be close to you just…sucks.” Nick nodded as he looked at his watch, “I gotta go, baby.” He said softly. Anna sniffed and quickly whipped away her tears, “Okay.” She replied as Nick stood up. She slipped on her shoes it wasn’t that icy out right now just a lot of snow. She walked with him to his car they didn’t speak just walked in silence neither wanting to say good-bye.
Nick turned around to look at her when they reached his car he noticed she didn’t wear a sweater when she came out. He had a vest plus a heavy zip up hoodie. Nick took both off and gave them to her, “I’m going back to L.A. So I don’t really need too much winter stuff, you can keep these for now.” He said as he zipped up the vest. Anna nodded, “Okay, will do.” Nick sighed as he looked into her watery blue eyes; he leaned down and kissed her trembling lips. “I love you. Don’t forget that.” He said then opened the door. Anna nodded as he turned to get in. She drew in a deep breath as she watched his car drive away. She quickly but carefully because if the snow went inside, she quickly took off her shoes and ran to her room she collapsed on her bed and grabbed her teddy bear that Nick always ended cuddling with when he slept in her bed. She then felt something on her bed and saw Charlie. He lay down beside her and whined a bit. Anna half smiled, “I’ll be okay…Really. It won’t be that long till tour starts and I’ll see him again. And see Billy smells just like Nick since he liked cuddling with him at night.” She sniffed but she couldn’t help it she started to cry again.
Nick got to the end of the street when he realized his eyes were too burly to drive so he pulled over and look down at his wrist that his football bracelet on it from Anna, his heart was shattering again. Like it did before but only this time it felt so much worse. He felt as if someone was cutting him with the broken pieces from the inside out. He couldn’t help it he started to cry. He already missed her more than he could ever imagine. He sat there and cried his heart was breaking and he couldn’t do anything about it. Not to mention this was a first for him, crying over missing a girl but this made him realize that it truly was love and that he really was in love and that’s why he felt the way he did. He took in a deep breath because as hard as it was he needed to stop crying, he had a flight to catch that he didn’t wanna miss. He lifted his head and whipped away his tears then he went thru his iPod to find a song to listen to. He had it connected to the car stereo system so that he could listen to the iPod instead of CD’s. He stopped at a song he had listened to many times before whenever he missed Anna. He smiled slightly when he heard the song start to play ‘How do I get through one night without you If I had to live without you What kind of life would that be Oh I, I need you in my arms Need you to hold You're my world, my heart, my soul.’ He sniffed and then started to drive again. As he drove he listened to the song more closely than usual because he realized it described exactly how he felt, ‘How do I live without you I want to know How do I breathe without you If you ever go How do I ever, ever survive How do I How do I Oh, how do I live?’
February 4th 2010
Tokyo, Japan
8PM
Your Life dreams are shattered, now you're gone away.
Anna walked down the hotel hallway just dragging her stuff behind her, now that the tour was starting again the rotation started all over. So she was heading into her and Nick’s shared hotel room. She had missed him so much, ‘How am I going to tell him this? I can’t even believe it’s true that it actually happened. I guess I could show him the news article.’ She sighed as she dropped her stuff. Her eyes were red and sore from crying so much. She rubbed them. She was about to swipe the hotel key card when Nick opened the door grinning ear to ear but it quickly faded when he noticed her face, “Baby, honey, what’s wrong? What happened?” He asked his voice full of worry. “I’ll tell you in a minute, just…uh…uhm; help me with my stuff please?” Nick nodded and helped carry in her stuff his eyes never leaving her.
After she had gone to the bathroom and changed into her pyjamas, she sat on the bed where Nick was sitting and drew in a deep breath, “Read this.” She said handing him a crumbled up piece of paper, he opened it and quickly read it.
We've cried here for hours, and the hours turn to days.
He shook his head as he pulled her into a hug, he didn’t say anything, he didn’t know what to say, ‘I can’t believe Ash did this…How…Why…Ash killed herself. Awww, Anna, my baby must feel terrible, I mean yes they stopped being friends but that doesn’t mean she still didn’t care about Ash.’ His thoughts were broken by the sounds of Anna’s sobs.
We know you regret this, Leaving us here, with portraits and memories that we've held so dear.
After few minutes, Anna pulled back from the hug, “She wrote a letter to all her friends…even me. She told me that it wasn’t my fault, that I didn’t…that us breaking off our friendship had nothing to do with her decision she said that she just couldn’t live with it anymore…but – I mean I know it’s not my fault, but why does it feel like it was? I mean maybe, just maybe if I hadn’t gotten so pissed at her that night that we would still be friends and she could still talk to me about instead of…this.” She said her voice breaking on the last word. But Nick went to hug her again but she pushed him away, she stood up, “I really hate that she did this, she did say that she was sorry for leaving us here with all these memories hopefully more good ones than old…But still, it’s not fair! How could she do this? She could’ve gotten help! But no, she didn’t want her family finding out about this…damn it.” She then started to cry again, her heart was breaking far worse than just missing Nick, one her best friends had killed herself and she couldn’t understand why she had to go that far. Anna fell to the ground as Nick rushed over to her, he was holding back tears of his own, he hated to see his baby cry. He wanted to make the pain go away but he didn’t know how.
When I hear your name, it's not the same. No matter what they say, I'm not okay.
Nick sat down on the floor and leaned against the back of the couch. He pulled Anna onto her lap and held her in his arms until she was able to stop crying. This was killing him too; he didn’t know how to help make Anna’s pain go away or at least make it numb of it so that it wasn’t so sharp. Anna sitting up in his lap again interrupted his thoughts; she rested her head against his chest as he stroked her hair, “You know I just found out before I got on the plane to come here. My parents couldn’t tell me, they made Eric tell me. On the way here, I started watching old videos I had of her, but it’s just not the same anymore. When I see a video or a picture or even hear her name, it’s not the same. It’s just so weird.” Nick nodded, “I bet…is there anything I can do for you? Anything at all? Name it and I’ll do it.” Anna shook her head, “No, just hold me…never let me go.”
And we started at zero, and went different ways. Now we're all out here wasting away.
After about an hour of silence, which felt like forever to Nick, Anna finally spoke again, “It’s so weird, because when on the plane I keep thinking about how much she pisses me off sometimes or I see something funny and I think I have to tell Ash but then I remember. It’s not fair; I mean I know we had to go our different ways and now she chose death as hers, but whatever, I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore.” “You should get some sleep.” Nick said quietly. He then stood brought her legs over his lap and put an arm under them and stood up and laid her down in the closet bed and as he lay beside her, she took out her hearing aids and put them on the table beside her, then both her and Nick got under the covers and cuddled. She laid there in his arms, sobbing and crying until she cried herself to sleep. Nick looked down when everything got quiet. He leaned down and gently kissed her nose and eyes and whipped away that tears that were still on her cheeks. He made sure he had his arms wrapped tightly around her and soon enough both of them were fast asleep in the land of dreams.
And if we started at zero, then how did things change?
Author's Chapter Notes:
WARNING:
DEATH/SUICIDE IS TALKED ABOUT IN THIS CHAPTER.
DEATH/SUICIDE IS TALKED ABOUT IN THIS CHAPTER.
Chapter End Notes:
Don't forget to review!!! :D Pretttyyy Please?
Songs Used:
LeAnn Rimes - How Do I Live? http://youtu.be/90e8ryPDKWo
Hawk Nelson - Zero. http://youtu.be/geurpRYXqoA
Songs Used:
LeAnn Rimes - How Do I Live? http://youtu.be/90e8ryPDKWo
Hawk Nelson - Zero. http://youtu.be/geurpRYXqoA
