1/28/2012  Happy Birthday NICK!!!!!

I stole Nick's Journal, he is so going to kill me, like he hasn't already. With my job, my social life, college, my confidence, his over-sized good looks, and terrible attitude towards poor and unfortunate and unattractive women and girls.

But everything has been sad and scary and is unhappy. I had a dream last night like how wonderful it would be if someone actually talked to me. Instead of the pet project to whatever.

I have been crying for at least 3 weeks, if not longer than that. I am just tired of being messed with and used and everything else. Some stuff, I just can't even talk about with anyone, much less a shrink.

People like to bug in my life and whatever my business is or my life, and it hurts. It hurts no one can really talk to me, just make me feel like on the school yard again, and that isn't always a good thing with me. I was bullied alot in school and singled out and messed with and everything else.

Anyways, just been sad, and BSB was the only thing after my grandma that I had in my life after my father left us when I was 10. No one else stepped in after them, and then, all of a sudden, not good enough for "everything" or "joke girl" again, etc.

Later, love Jessica.

d to hold back my tears.